Not many really understand this concept. I have said this many many times if you are a new Dominant just entering the lifestyle find a good mentor. Actually finding a good mentor can be just as hard as finding a partner in the lifestyle.
Although we each run our house different, rules, and protocols, it is still good to have someone on the outside to get advice from.
There are a few things to consider if your not planning on any kind of mentor. Impact play, where to hit and where not to hit, I have blogged about this type of play and the dangers. Rope bondage if you do not know what you are doing, you can do damage, muscles, and tendons. The last thing we want to do is hurt ours
So your married and both have agreed to enter a TPE relationship this is a huge task even more so if you have already been married for sometime. At first it seems almost like play, and it does take some time to adjust. It does work, but it does take a lot of work to iron everything out. It is much different than two people just meeting seeking the same type of relationship.
Many in the lifestyle do not want this type of relationship, I can understand why, but again I cannot. I cannot see myself as a part time Dominant, or a weekend warrior. TPE does take a great deal of effort on both parties.
The hardest part about the transition is the New Dominant standing firm, and being married for sometime, well can be somewhat difficult. I will explain, many Dominants who are married but their wife is not a submissive. The Dominant feels guilty about asking his wife to do things, or she just refuses. So he decides to step outside of the marriage and find someone who will fulfill his fantasies. These types of relationships are usually short lived, one the submissive grows to attached, two the Dominant is not going to leave his wife and home no matter what he tells you. Remember money over rides pussy. A man who is married with kids and a home is not going to throw everything away over some ass. I would hope you as the submissive are not that shallow minded.
Now I do believe most women are submissive to a point. The fact is most men do not really know what they have, and if they had a clue to what they have they would not know how going about to handle the situation. Those who try and convert their wife usually do it in a controlling and abusive manner.
In theory it is really easy to train someone, or change someones habits. Here is a good example.
Okay all women can leave now, and the men can stay. Okay coast is clear.
You take an object something and place it in plain site, something small but noticeable , everyday you make a comment about the object. Man I like that sitting there. Everyday just out of general conversation. I really like that there. A week maybe two goes by, and when your alone you move the object. You move it to someplace where it can still be seen, but it is now out of place. At some point when your wife or girlfriend sees that the object has been moved, she will pick it up and put it back. Your laughing but I have done this. You have now began the process. You do not have to tell someone what to do,all you have to do is plant a seed, a comment, you may have to plant the same seed several times, but it is the same as you planting the object.
Total power exchange is planting many seeds, you do this in a controlled manner, you do this is a drama free atmosphere. You do this is a stress free atmosphere. The power of suggestion. TPE is not the other giving up full power, you are taking with the power of suggestion. The power of suggestion, falls under consistency, just like speaking about the object everyday, you must remain consistent.
The way we speak goes a long way, the words that come out of our mouth and how we say these words. You speak in a controlled manner.
While going through this transition slight forms of humiliation can be used, this is a reminder of what role your submissive plays in the relationship. Humiliation is a powerful tool if used correctly. What forms of humiliation to use varies from submissive to submissive, usually it is something they hate doing, or something they have refused to do in the past, you know your partner well enough to decide what will and what will not work. Humiliation turns on that submissive switch, and it works fast just like flipping a light switch. Never use humiliation as a form of punishment, unless you have tried everything else. The last thing you want to do is cause any mental harm.
If your going to punish explain why you are punishing, and make the submissive explain what they are going to do to prevent it from happening again. I do not like spanking as a punishment because most subs or slaves enjoy spanking, so your really defeating the purpose.
If the wife or girlfriend agrees to a TPE, that usually means she has had enough, to much on their shoulders. That does not make it a bad thing, at this point and time she just wants to hand over the reins. The problem is many men do not want the responsibility of running the house, even if the female works all of the worlds problem lay on her shoulders.
I have brought this book up before, about how the average housewife could slowly hand over all control. The Surrendered Wife. Avery good book and it gives you all the answers you need, so you can have the ability to pass your plate.
Those who do not understand TPE will say it is about abuse, these are the exact ones who do not want any responsibility. These are the exact ones looking for a Mommy and not a partner. They want a cook, a house keeper, taxi for the kids, laundry done, pay all the bills, clean house, cut the grass, then they want their dick sucked at night.
TPE requires careful planning between the two, if both agree to such a lifestyle. Your plan should be implemented slowly, a gradual transition, until the male partner has full control. Once in place the female can begin to relax, and concentrate on one thing keeping her man happy.
Really what we are talking about is a few hours a week. It may take a little time to adjust, but once things are moving in the right direction, things will run smooth.
A home with children, a TPE can be very good for the whole family. The children do not have to know the behind the scenes, but what they do see is a well ran machine. What they see is two adults who get along, two adults who respect each other, no arguing or fighting, but most of all the children see mutual respect for both, in the coming years this will not only help your children but it will benefit them as well. They will see how a house is suppose to be ran. I believe there are many more benefits, and the children do not need to know everything.
TPE The female wants to turn over everything mind and body, the mind so to speak, I do not think any of us would not want someone who could not think on their own.
Those who choose this type of relationship meaning the submissive, want to feel needed, be it just doing simple task, or being used sexually no questions asked.
It does take sometime to work out all the kinks within the relationship, it is not going to happen over night and there will be some struggles between to two. TPE is a huge adjustment, before you may argue at times, if you sense an argument then both should stop dead in your tracks and think very deep why the argument started. Most of the time arguments consist of screaming and yelling, then the name calling starts flying which only causes more hurt. STOP AND THINK.
The New Dominant should think before he speaks, even if your going to correct something, listen to how it sounds to yourself, It may not sound so hot, so just maybe you could re-word what you were going to say.
It takes much work on both sides it is not a one way street, both are going to have to give and take.
I don’t mean to bash men all the time, it just so happens I am a male, but some just act really stupid, maybe it is not an act. A lot of men are not open minded , and they just do not understand, nor do they want to understand, when their wife tries to explain their feelings.
Even those who are not in the lifestyle most could expand on their communication skills. I have met people who really knew nothing of their partner. Think about it, it is true.
Just talk to each other, the average couple spends a half hour a week in general conversation. The lack of communication has been the down fall of many relationship.