Archive for the codependency Category

Submission , Codependency And Depression

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, BDSM 101, BDSM Relationships, codependency, codependent, Depression, Dominant and Submissive, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Trust, Uncategorized, Vanilla Relationships with tags , , , on April 11, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

I get it I really do , Ive been in the lifestyle for more than 25 years and still counting and still going strong. I have had my ups and I have had my downs , I have also made mistakes but I learned from my mistakes. Mistakes allows you to grow unless you continue to make the same mistakes.

I get and understand submission , I understand Codependency and to a point I understand depression .

I do not have a PHD but what I do have is life experience , I have had and continue to have a relationship where all three apply to this subject. Depression runs in the lifestyle this is a known fact. I did not say all so don’t be putting words in my mouth. Codependency is very common in the lifestyle.

The problem when seeing a professional you get 30 minutes to an hour , he or she pulls out a booklet and proceeds to write you a prescription. Ill see you in 30 days maybe 60 or even 90. The pills take the edge off but your still not on that high your looking for, not high as in a drug but the high on life, the happiness.

The problem is you are seeing someone who knows very little about you,and the truth is very few are completely honest. This comes from a lack of trust and the feeling of the awkwardness of telling a stranger your problems .

What causes depression ? I do not think anyone person has the answer maybe a chemical balance malfunction. Things happen you could lose someone very dear and close to you. A break down the brain becomes overwhelmed and can no longer function, or function correctly without some type of adjustment . Today the pill is the answer and you could spend years finding the right combination before you find yourself on a level playing field.

Codependency usually comes at a later time in life most of the time it becomes stronger once you are out on your own. You enter a relationship and the codependency grows stronger , the needy comes out of the closet and you just want to rely on your partner. You become stressed when away from your home , more stressed when away from your partner. Being codependent is not something you brought up at the beginning of your relationship and this is because you did not even know. Then comes the end of the relationship. Your partner wanted someone who is independent , someone who can take care of the bills , the shopping , cleaning and cooking , while he sits on the couch and watches sports.

Your doctor will guide you to a Life coach , it is explained the coach can guide you down the right path. Ladies and gentlemen , Doms and Subs , Masters and Slaves this is so far from the truth it is not funny. A Life coach is not going to understand you and why? Because you are not going to share your feelings with a stranger and if you do he or she has no clue. It is not only a waist of money but it is a waist of your time and if you are like me my time is very valuable.

One thing for sure depression is huge in the lifestyle , although many will not admit it, some may be ashamed to talk to a potential partner. Honesty is the best medicine.  If you are not truthful upfront it could be the end of your relationship when things start to emerge.

It will not matter how many relationships you enter if someone does not understand you or is not willing to try to understand you it will never work. You have to be upfront when you first meet as embarrassing as it may seem. Codependency and depression is not something you can hide in the closet. So your upfront and to the point and either they are willing to give it a shot or they are not.

There are not many who understand Submission as a matter of fact many see submission as a weakness , many see submission as a easy target , many see submission as a easy fuck , someone they can control for a short time until you have a breakdown or you become to needy. I am not speaking of a full mental breakdown just kinda like the feeling of being confused.

Submission can start in one or two phases , one being from a younger age but you do not know the word or anything about it , or two it hits you at a later time in life. In most cases not all but most something dramatic in life happened , the loss of someone very close, or the worst being abused by a family member or even raped at a young age. Something triggers your feeling but you are not sure , you just know you are.

While there may not be a fix all cure , while you just may be on a level playing field, not happy but not sad I can tell you the environment you spend your time in can help you maintain what you do have.

If you suffer from depression , your taking medication, seeing your doctor on schedule but your home life is a total wreck you are fighting a losing battle. If you spend your days fighting and arguing the medication you are taking is doing nothing.

You need someplace you feel safe, you need someplace peaceful, you need someplace you can truly call home. You need to be stress free , drama free, but more important you need someone who supports you , someone who understand you. Someone who cares enough to find out what is going on and what they can do to help your healing process. This not only applies to BDSM but those who are vanilla.

Being honest about your depression , codependency does cut your odds in half in finding the right Dominant but if you stand your ground your odds are better in finding the right one.

Arianna sees a doctor , at times I go at times I do not, when I notice things are slipping I go this is so I can give my side of the story. Her doctor has requested I come to each visit. I feel taking part is very important.. You should want the same..

The Slave

Posted in 24/7, Arianna, Bad Dominant, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Online Relationships, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, Being A Dominant is 24/7 365, blow job, cock sucking, codependency, codependent, commitment, communication, consequences, Dominant and Submissive, Ego, Face Fucking, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Humiliation, Humiliation Training, Kink, Low Self Esteem, masochist, Master And Slave, Online Dominants, owned property, Owned Slave, Poly Triad, Private Protocol, Punishment, self confidence, sex slave, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock, Total Submission with tags , , , , , , , , on April 9, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Sitting here listening to Bret Michael’s jamming with friends , and it fucking rocks. Music is a passion of mine , it is my release , it is my time to chill , gather my thoughts , enjoy my own little world.  Ted Nugent , KISS , Aerosmith , and some country at the top of my list Kid Rock. I love the cheesy kung fu movies that comes on Thursday nights. I am a huge news fanatic so if there is something you want to know just ask.

I am very laid back for the most , I have never raised my voice or lost my temper towards my property. This is not to say I am a push over because I am not , I speak my mind no matter where I am or who I am with.

I am a Buddhist , I have learned to channel my anger but as with any man or human there is a limit. At one time I had a very bad temper , I drank a lot , you could hand me a bunch of pills  and I would not even ask what they were I would just take them. I tried to smoke all the pot in the world but I failed. I would smoke and someone would just grow more. I was on a down hill spiral with not a care about tomorrow or the future.

A Dom who has a temper is not a Dom he is a abuser and nothing more. A man who hits a woman out of anger is a pussy because he will not hit anyone who will not fight back. A Dom who will not allow you to ask questions and want answers is not a Dom. A Dom who does not allow open communication is not a Dom…

However that road of destruction ended around November 1986. October and November I lost my first two jobs after my exit from the US Army. I went cold turkey I stopped everything at one time not looking back… I thought for sure I would of had some type of withdraws but that was not the case, however I did lose most of my friends or I assumed they were friends…

At this time I was living in a small town called canton Ga. It had changed a lot being gone for ten years. Most of the people I knew had moved or changed so much we no longer had anything in common…

My Dominance is a gift and I mean that. A gift means I am taking time out of my life and offering a gift. My gift I am setting my time and life to the side and offering you security , I am offering a sanctuary of peace no drama , no arguing . I am offering you respect , I am offering you me. I am offering you a open door 24/7 , I am offering you communication 24/7. I am offering you stability , I am offering you protection. I will allow you to grow and I will conform to your needs. I will take the time out of my life to train you to fit my needs. I will not take advantage of you , I will not mislead you , I will admit my mistakes. I will offer more than I take but most of all I will always put you first.

Wow! looking over the list and it could of continued I am sure with enough thought. I just wanted to crack the door open and let people take a peak inside.

Both dominance and submission is a gift both have much to offer and prove. I am of course speaking of the beginning steps in a new relationship.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master/slave_(BDSM)

In BDSM, Master/slave or M/s is a relationship in which one individual serves another in an authority-exchange structured relationship. Unlike Dominant/submissive structures found in BDSM in which love is often the core value, service and obedience are often the core values in Master/slave structures.

I am at a later date going to speak about our triad , we now live as three and while there could be some improvement things are really going well. My time training is limited due to my work but Arianna has stepped up to the plate and is offering guidance .

The Slave has a different mindset than a submissive. A submissive can and has the right to say NO. The submissive can impose limits on the relationship. The submissive can have the choice of when and when not to submit.

The word Slave , the word ownership , the word property. We all know owning a slave is not in any way legal but it is a mindset. The slave kneels holds her hands out and says I am yours to take and use.

You have to want it , you have to need and crave, it has to be in your blood. You have to live, dream and walk with this deep need and desire.

Arianna is a very unique Slave , during her training there was no rejection , there was no resistance, I could see in her eyes she had a hunger. To this day she continues to seek ways to submit more to give more. Everyday I grow with her everyday my respect grows. As my needs change Arianna conforms , but as she changes I conform to meet her needs.

Giving yourself without a thought having that feeling of being completely owned. Willing to be trained to fit someones needs and wants. Being used as a sexual object at the drop of a hat. You can be loved but in the end you are owned property.

Now I sit looking back over the years and thinking about the transformation , thinking about the growth. Watching someones habits change, watching needs change. More than willing to follow rules , protocols and understand there are consequences for her actions. To this day Arianna continues to search and find ways to submit more , she has that need, it is something she craves.

You the Slave must be in the right frame of mind and have a understanding what is about to take place. You must be willing to have over your mind and body and be willing to hand over complete control without question.

Are you Domestic more service orientated ? Are you just going to be used sexually ? Are you a Masochist used for pain? Or are you a mixture of all rolled into one?

You also must be giving a clear understanding what is expected of you , what your training will consist of , how long your training will be. You will want to know what the final goal is.

Trust is the main factor in building a Master / Slave relationship. The slave knowing once she or he agrees to the terms negotiated during the process.

You have to know most of your rights will be stripped away from you. You must know you and your body will be used , without warning. You will be taken when and how your Master chooses.

However and there is a however , you should still be allowed to see friends and family , a slave needs what I call down time. A time to relax and breath , to be able to clear the mind. A time to reflect on past and future.

We as Masters and Dominants take and we must give back more than we take. Probably two or three times a week I tell both Arianna and L that I really appreciate everything they both do. At time I do help out as well. On my days off I cook and at times I even jump in and do a few dishes.

A Slave is not your maid although the slave will be giving chores to do , A slave is not your mom. I pickup behind myself. If I use something I put it back. I do not demand dinner be done at a certain time, both know when I take lunch , If I am going to be late they eat before me.

Many just sit back and look for reasons to punish and my question is why? We can just sit back and find something wrong and the first thing that most grab is a belt or paddle.

Although I run a strict house punishing is something I do not look forward to, just as a parent feels bad for punishing a child.

We as humans , Masters and Dominants make mistakes maybe not on a daily basis but we do. Slaves and submissive’s make mistakes as well but nothing more could be more devastating known they have failed.

As with the 7 types of Submissives there are just as many slaves , but also there are just as many Dominants or Masters..

The service slave is more geared towards service , cleaning , cooking , and keeping things in order. Although sex does play a part service is their main goal. Just knowing their Master is pleased gives them pleasure.

The sex slave can be a little service orientated but is geared more at being used as a sex object , at times no holes barred. The sex slave gets off more knowing they have pleased than them getting off. Most sex slaves will conform to what pleases the Master and urge those actions more.

The Masochist in most cases is neither just as a full blown sadist. Very little structure , very few rules, it is all about the pain and the pleasure the sadist gets out of inflicting pain.

The all around slave a mixture of all of the above , a slave that needs a little of all , being used , in service and at times stepping up to take what pain is giving..

We as Master need to step up to the plate , owning one of the above takes a great deal of time and responsibility. We must make ourselves available 24/7. Arianna knows she can wake me at any time to talk.. We must give more than we take.

Being codependent does not make you broken , being needy does not make you broken , having a low self esteem does not make you broken in fact many times it makes you special.

I have heard many times I am broken or I am not worthy of having a Dominant or Master.

I myself prefer the needy part even the codependent , it is just knowing how to handle and being able to offer the care. Short term neither play out good if both sides are not ready to commit.

I have found very few Dominants or those who call themselves Masters who are truly willing to take any type of relationship serious or willing to take the responsibility needed.  These are the guys who hide behind the computer , the trolls who really have no clue. Once they find someone who is gullible enough it is short lived . The crazy rules the unrealistic demands , the confusion of changing rules just so they can punish.

Training is very time consuming just the initial training I am going to say 90 days with hands on contact on a daily basis. In order to be in control you have to be able to reach out and touch. Online training does not work , it works as long as the computer is on and you have 24/7 contact then it is still iffy.

You have to have need , the craving to be owned , the craving to be used , the craving to be called property. The craving to be able to hand yourself over completely.

The hardest part is the first 90 days it will tell you number one if you are just going through a frenzy or the life of a slave is not you….. It is easy to throw in the towel and give up , it takes a lot to stick it out , but if things are not what they seem , the raise the white flag and say I am done… No shame your just being true. I can assure you the Dominant you leave is not the last in the world.

I believe at times humiliation is needed , it is needed to bring someone back down to reality. It is meant to give a shock , kinda like sticker shock when looking at a new car. It brings someone ego back down to earth. Even during my relationship there are times I will use some form of humiliation to keep things in check , it puts them or reminds the slave of their place..

The word USE I use my property , I use my property for my pleasure , even during fucking I use the word USE , I love using you , I love fucking my property , I love fucking your ass. I like the little reminders..

We live a micromanaged relationship as most of you know. I control everything. I control hair color , I control the length , the nail polish , her clothes . I control the way she walks , talks. I control how she acts in public. I control bathroom , food , bedtime , shower , shaving. I receive a hourly check in 90% of the time with pictures. Both girls have a mileage book although I do not check it on a regular basis it is there if I have the urge to look. I have no passwords , I see no need mainly because I am secure enough in my relationship. However I will at times pick up the phones and strum through them.  If you as a Dominant has the need to demand passwords you do not trust and you have a very low self esteem.

If you the Dominant are insecure how can you control someone and your ego not be behind the force of your relationship? A relationship based on insecurities and ego will be short lived and you brought it on yourself, but you will sit in a corner and cry like a little bitch. Even in a relationship when things don’t go your way you still act like a little bitch.

You cannot be a part time Master , you have to be a Master 24/7 365

If you noticed I did not speak to much about Kink , or Bondage. My relationship runs much deeper. While at times I enjoy getting rough , at times I enjoy bondage , at times I get off on sexual abuse , face fucking being my favorite, then anal. I am more about the control , I love being in the mind. I love the structure . I have a life with zero problems and zero drama.. I love my life

New Dominants your best source for information http://bestslavetraining.com/

Oh My Ride

 

Grow up and be a man…

 

 

It’s Not About The Pussy

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Bestslavetraining.com, Building a BDSM Relationshp, choices and consequences, codependency, codependent, commitment, communication, compatibility, consequences, Consistency, Dominance Through Intimidation, Dominant, Domme, FaceBook Vile Woods, fetlife, Fetlife Groups, fucking and sucking, Humiliation, Master and slave relationship, On your knees on your back, owning a slave, primal, Slave, Structure, submisive, Submission, sucking cock, Training Arianna, Uncategorized on November 28, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

In my home I am the President , Governor , Mayor , Judge and Jury. I am about the control. In my relationship I do not want a quarter of the pie, I don’t want half or even three quarters, I want the pie and the ice cream , because if you are getting less that the whole pie you are not getting the full experience.

I want to stand alone , I want to be different, I wanted to be someone my slave had never experienced.

Sitting back and looking at the progress, changing someone for the better, changing someones thought process, changing habits, training. Training someone to fit your needs. Training one to drop to their knees on command, or to spread on command, with either a voice command or a simple hand gesture.  It is about the control, the ability to control ones actions and thoughts, now that is deep.

Now here is the thing, all of the above comes with a huge price tag, the above comes with huge responsibility , and then you have the saying be careful what you ask for, because once you start to unlock all of those door as you open each door the price tag becomes larger.

You get the clingy part, you get the needy , and in most cases you get the bad word codependent part , not always but this is true in most cases.

Submission not only runs on different levels, but it runs deep, and each one is different , each has different needs , but in the end the outcome is the same . You have a submissive who craves to be trained, loved and cared for.

So if your in it just for the pussy , or you want your dick sucked  just ask. If your not in it for the long haul why would you want to try and put all the steps above into place when you have zero intentions of following through? In the end that is way to much work and time to invest just to get some head.

Then you have the other Dominant , the fuck with your head, trying to get over on you, bull shitting his way through a relationship that is never going to happen. You end up sitting all alone waiting on a text or an email, crying wondering what you did wrong…

Then you have the poor me Dominant, the wish I was a better Dom. The Dominant who promises to fix what ever is wrong but really has no intentions of doing anything. The Dominant who cannot keep his temper under control. The Dominant who uses fear and humiliation to keep you in check…. The Dominant who tell you , you are stupid , your nothing without him…

There are two sides to every story, you have to pick the book you want to read. Ive said it many times , life is based on two actions and two actions only, those would be choices and consequences.

The above goes for male and female, Dominant, Master , Domme , Submissive Slave , Baby Girl , Primal , what ever you label yourself. I am not sure about everyone else but my time is very valuable.

I was going through some groups in fetlife , where subs were looking for Dominants, and most of what I read from other Doms was , Man I wish you were closer. In my eye Distance has nothing to do with anything, if your willing to invest the time needed to build a relationship, then distance is not even an issue…. There are however circumstances which would not allow one to relocate, that being a career one makes more money than he other , but if two want a relationship bad enough and you feel you have enough in common someone is going to make that move…

If your training consist of sucking cock or being on your back, getting punished all the time just for the fuck of it, then I would sit back and rethink things out.

I always give new Dominant who are interested in the lifestyle a place to go for good information .. There is a ton of good information here more than you can get from any book on the market..

http://bestslavetraining.com/

Vile

 

 

 

 

BDSM With No Emotion

Posted in 24/7, Acceptance, anal sex, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, choices and consequences, codependency, commitment, communication, compatibility, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, fifty shades of grey, https://ncsfreedom.org/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, https://www.facebook.com/vile62, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, NCSF, owned property, Owned Slave, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, sane and consensual, sex slave, slave, Structure, Submission, submissive, Thekinkyworldofvile, Total Submission, TPE, Training Arianna, viledesires62@aol.com on July 12, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I love comments , I love what others have to say, I love hearing their point of view, I love it when others share feeling and their thoughts. How ever if you are just going to Bash me your comment will be deleted. I am far from a professional writer and most of my post are done in 10 or 15 time slots in the early am of the hours.
Enough about that , from time to time I will get a comment or a question from a younger Dominant who is up and coming , while it is true we all have to start somewhere , that starting point is the beginning of a new foundation in our life…..

The early steps we take will be our paths for many years and we do not get the opportunity to change it that often , and if we do it really takes a lot of work, mainly because you pretty much have to reconstruct your whole thought process. Wow that is pretty deep coming from me.

Maybe sometimes we get caught up in life and screwed over enough we lose our emotions, we lose feelings or the ability to have feelings towards someone in a relationship. Maybe trust comes into play , maybe your not capable of feeling any longer, maybe your not able to trust.

No emotions no feelings when entering a relationship is not fair to someone who attempting to build a lasting relationship. This is where communication comes in and sharing your point of view, maybe leaving no hope of building something or maybe there may be light at the end of the tunnel.

Arianna and I met a Master some time ago who was or is looking for a consensual , non consensual relationship. We met up for lunch one day and he literally drilled us for a couple of hours wanting to know about the foundation of our relationship and what we did to make it work.

One thing I found odd is he would not really share much of his thoughts on how he saw his relationship , mainly because I think it was really dark and maybe I am better off not knowing. I would not of judged or thought his way was wrong , maybe I would of even tried to understand.

There are so many different levels of submission , and the same for those who are Dominants or Masters, from mild and no control , to the most , unthinkable acts one could think of.

I know from experience being a sadist at one time , very few sadist are capable of developing any feelings or emotions. While I liked I did not want to feel , because if I felt I would not of wanted to inflict pain and at that time inflicting pain was a need.

To date I am living the dream, it may seem like I brag a lot but it is really not bragging. I want to show others in the lifestyle your relationship can be the same if not better.

A Question that came up on the topic of Sex and submission was …

Again I’m pretty new to the scene so sorry if this is rude, but I thought in TPE the decisions were up to the Dom. Why would a third need to win over Arianna, doesn’t she consider your word final?

This is an awesome question and and yes in my home I have the final say the final word case closed. Looking deeper though if you have never known or felt love just ask me how deep my love for Arianna is. My last thought and night and my first breath when my eyes open.
Arianna is my responsibility and she not only needs me to make the decisions she trust me enough to know I will. What ever I decide effects both of us, and the outcome of any decision I make could make or break.

Talks of a Triad is still on going , and we are still giving it great consideration but it would really have to be someone special. You have to be careful when you bring someone into your home, because what you have built could come tumbling down out of control and no way to fix it.
While I could just bring someone else in and say to Arianna this is our new slave take it or leave it. While Arianna is my slave she does have the right to leave at anytime. This falls under the consensual side of things, and our relationship is 100% consensual….

Question….

1. Does there have to be an emotional component to a Master / Slave relationship? I’m very turned on by the idea of owning a woman and using her sexually as I like. However, I don’t feel like I could love such a woman, and I’d prefer she not love me either. The few women I’ve loved in my life were pretty amazing as-is and needed no correction from me, I’d have gained no pleasure from disciplining them. The desire to train a slave and punish her for disobeying is a purely sexual one. Is that unheard of in the BDSM world? Are there subs who get off sexually on subbing without expecting a dom to take care of their emotional needs, and who don’t expect him to be all sweet and romantic?

So your thinking a consensual non-consensual relationship which would be made during the negotiation process. Both agree or the slave would agree you can do anything to me without question or without future negotiation. That truly takes a lot of trust.

The answer is yes there are those out there dominant and submissive who are seeking relationships where there would be no feelings involved at all, purely sexual.
Here is where the problem lays, most but not all who are submissive to have a codependency problem to a certain extent, some more than others, then you speak about a slave. A slave requires a great deal of care, not only physically but mentally . While it is possible to have the type of relationship your looking for, you would have to do it without any type of connection between the two of you, there would not be a bond, nor would the slave truly be able to trust, she could trust enough to play but not trust enough to fully let go.
Training takes a lot of time and dedication , if you do not live together training is nearly impossible because you really have no control. You as the Master have to set down and define who and what you are, you have to know what you need and what you need out of your slave. Being upfront about your intentions, being open about your thoughts…

3. I am really, really turned off by the idea that the sub is really in control of everything, and that this all secretly for her benefit. That the dom’s job is to orchestrate every sexual encounter to be totally mind-blowing for her like he’s choreographing a Broadway show. No thanks. I want a woman who genuinely wants to be my property, a toy I use how I want, when I want (within her limits, obviously). So many submissives claim that the pride they feel in pleasing their master is all the pleasure they need, but then go on to talk about lovely spankings and reassuring hands. Really? Is he your master or your slave? Does he rub your feet too? 😀
Meanwhile I read some of your slave’s blog and, wow. You have her trained so damn well. That post where you face-fucked her til she puked and then you made her clean it up was the hottest, rawest thing I’ve read in so long. You are the first dom I’ve encountered who trained a sex slave that actually does what men want. None of that dainty Fifty Shades stuff, riding crops and silk blindfolds. How did you do it? I mean was she always into throat-fucking and painal or did you push her there? If you did it, you should write a book, man; you will make a million dollars. If you didn’t, where did you find her?!?

You know you speak of your turned off by the idea that a submissive is in control , and in most cases this is true. The Dominant will want something but will cave in under pressure. So the Dominant is in fact in control until the submissive Barks and the dom backs down. So in this type of relationship who is really the Dominant?

What your seeking can be found it will just require a lot of time and patience on your part and sticking to what you need in a relationship. Many who live the lifestyle are not truly 24/7 even though they come off as being , some even say you cannot live 24/7 and that is a crock because I do.
I control everything from the time we get up until we go to bed. Many claim they do not want that kind of responsibility but it is really easy to put a plan into place.

Yes Fifty Shades was a let down I did take Arianna to see it but instead of BDSM it was a love story about a Dominant who suffered from childhood problems and depression. There was no structure , no rules or any reason to why he wanted to do the things he wanted to do….

So how did I do it you ask? Well as I said above I had to define who and what I was. I had to have a clear picture as to what type of relationship I wanted. I have had relationships in the past and for the most all were good and we parted on good terms, but I was still looking for that definition.

The rules , structure and protocols you had for you last slave will not work for someone new, mainly because people are different, needs are different and we grow , we grow on a daily basis.

Once you start your training you have to stick with it, once you explain how the relationship will work and what you expect you have to stick to it. Once you change or give in you have lost control.

While sitting here I started thinking Arianna and I have what you would call a consensual non-consensual relationship. Our relationship was negotiated before we agreed to actually enter a M’s relationship. As I stated before when entering a relationship I would bend when it came to my needs but in the end I was not in a fulfilling relationship. My needs were not being met and I was not able to be who I was.

Many in the BDSM world view consensual non -consent bad many see it as an open door to abuse , and the term is mainly geared towards owners of property.
I suppose there are those who take the term to the extreme , but if you truly care about your slave or property surely you would not bring and physical or mental harm to them.

The basis of consensual non-consent is: “I consent for You to do whatever You like to me without future negotiation”. There is just the first consent. Yes, I consent to whatever is going to happen, without needing to further negotiate what is going to happen. Obviously, strong trust is involved.

There are many reasons why consensual non-consent is a common way for BDSM partners to play. It is a strong reinforcement of the power exchange, and it supports mystery, spontaneity and excitement from the unknown. Many people argue that SSC (safe, sane and consensual) takes away the ultimate BDSM experiences in exchange for relatively safe exploration.

While you can have a relationship without caring , or not having any emotions , that would also bring no connection and a lack of trust on the slaves part , not that it cannot be done. If you were to find such a partner the relationship would be based off of just lust and we all know those are short lived. In the end you put a lot of time into a relationship and when it ends you have nothing to show for it.

It may not seem like much when your 20 , or 30 maybe even not 40 , but there will come a time when you are going to need more , and your needs will out weigh your wants. Once you hit 30 time does fly….

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Arianna’s Codependency

Posted in Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, codependency, codependent, Master, Master And Slave, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

In the Vanilla world the word codependent is a nasty word , it is a word of weakness , and it is an open door for abuse. Most men can smell it a mile away. Most men see it as a easy target. Then here comes the Leech it starts sucking and sucking and sucking until there is nothing left. The you wake up one morning and your alone. So what do you do ? You get up and you start all over. You have just been knocked down , kicked, slapped and called every name in the book and some you have never heard, and of course the relationship breakdown is your fault and your fault only.

What adds to the pie is if you suffer from depression. I have mixed feeling about some of the medications that are used to treat people. Is there a cure ? I highly doubt it but the road to success starts within the home , how the home is ran. Abuse , problems , drama , and the one key a lack of love.

So you go see a shrink you talk for thirty minutes and you walk out with a hand full of prescriptions you cant afford , and no one is there to help you fill them , so you have hit another road block.

I have mixed feelings about Codependency , most in the medical field say there is a cure and I believe there can be a cure under the right conditions , and without  most of the medications that are giving out , well maybe not a complete cure but a cure as far as you can take it.

Many Dominants who are new , those who could give a fuck and those who are clueless will step into such a relationship without a care. Things are good until you become or show signs of being needy, this is where your relationship turns bad.

This is why it is so important to get to know someone on a personal level first before entering any type of relationship and more so when it comes to BDSM. Once you enter that area you now have the responsibility of two and not just one. That means depending on what phase you are in the relationship will depend on the amount of time you have to devote to your property.

What are your limits ? This is a question that should take time to come up, limits have no meaning if you do not know whom your speaking with. Many of you can ask your New Dominant what your favorite food is or drink even color and you will get silence . Why ? Because they have not been listening to you, they hear you but they are not listening.

Before I met Arianna I knew I wanted a relationship , and in a two year period I cannot even tell you how many who said they were submissive or slaves I dated. I had a list of questions and a list of my needs , and a list of the must. If I heard the word no or I cant , we were done because I refused to bend.  See I wanted a relationship a long term relationship but I wanted very little responsibility . I wanted the pussy the mouth and the ass and a side of kink, maybe a few rules and I would of been good.

The key is to find someone who will say yes, yes, yes , I am fine with that , yes and yes.  The minute you have to say well why not ? Have you tried it ? You may like it why not give it a try ? You are then forcing someone to do something they are not comfortable with , you are changing someone and that is not what we want to do, we want to build on what we have.  If you try to change someone you are telling them you are not happy with who they are. The second you try to change someone , the first thoughts are they are not good enough for you, if they were you would not be trying to change or force them to do something they are against….

If a Dominant is trying to change you in any way then he is not the Dom for you. You should be taking as you are and build from there.

When I met Arianna, just from a few words I could tell there was something there , I had a very good feeling. We talked and it was nothing about BDSM . I wanted to know about her , music , food , her work which I found to be very interesting. I wanted to know what she was thinking , and what made her think the way she did.

Along with my needs Arianna had a list of needs and a list that to this day continues to grow. I took a couple of days to think if I wanted to take on the amount of responsibility Arianna wanted me to take on , because I knew it would not be an easy task.

I agreed to such a relationship and now over a two year period we have yet to have an argument , no fighting , no yelling and no name calling.  This is all due to open communication.

The first 90 days was a test for both of us , what shocked me was Arianna’s submission , there was absolutely no resistance , that through me for a loop and I had to change some things up. The first initial training lasted for approx 90 days, during that time there were test , to include being a in service slave for another Master and Slave. Serving dinner , refilling drinks and using proper protocols that had been put into place. Master R was very impressed with Arianna;s performance.

Something else I did was to introduce Arianna to people I knew who was active in the local community , not trying to prove who or what I was but to show I was who I was. To Let Arianna know I was being truthful just as I expected her to be.

Then came the final test , I cut Arianna’s hair , I had the right side shaved , well not bald but short enough it could not be combed. Maybe it was not a test I had that planned from day one.

We are Master and Slave , I control everything in our life , I control every move Arianna makes , from sitting , to eating, bathing , clothes , bed time , naps if I feel one is needed , to most of her clothes. I do allow free time , and I allow her to see friends and family as well , with a one weeks request.

I control her speech , she has now perfected speaking in thirds. Arianna never uses the words I or me. I do give Arianna full rein in the kitchen , unless there is something I want. On my days off I do a great deal of cooking , so it was not a maid or a mother figure I was looking for. I help out around the house when needed.

Right above Arianna’s click is my initial , perfectly shaved and has been there for more than two years , so while I am fucking her I can look down and see that I truly own her.

Now your thinking Vile you are abusive , how could you treat someone in this manner ? How can you be so cruel , and mean to someone you love ? How can you humiliate someone you say you love so dearly ? Oh I forgot the GPS tracker on her cell phone.

Well !!! Here is the thing , everything mentioned above was Arianna’s idea. Everything above was Arianna’s needs. Everything above is what Arianna needed in a M’s relationship. Arianna wanted to be owned property.

Being codependent does not make you weak , it does not make you dumb , or anything less. You know if your Codependent , you know your submissive , you know if your a baby girl , or even a slave.  It is your responsibility to find someone who has your best interest , someone who will accept you for who you are , but most important someone who understands you.

A couple of years ago Arianna had a small break down and one before that , and the other day we were talking and she made the statement she no longer had the ups in life, it was like she was just here.

So here are my thoughts and again this is only my opinion , I do not have a PHD but I do have a PHD when it comes to the lifestyle. I have met hundreds and thousands of Dominants , subs and slaves , I enter act with people in the local community, and I have spent a great deal of time with subs and slaves. One thing many had in common not all but many . Some suffered from depression , anxiety , Bi polar , and Codependency, again I did not say all.

I am really surprised the medical profession had not put 1+1 together. I am surprised the medical profession has not done more research on the subject.

So you have a stroke , a spinal injury from a accident , a nervous breakdown , they all have one thing in common , your brain now transmits information different. You can have a small stroke and be 98% okay in a short time or you can have a major stroke and you can no longer walk, the same with spinal injures and breakdowns. What happens now our brain now transmits information differently and sometimes slower. You can take medication to ease things but your never the same. It is not your fault , it is life and sometimes life sucks.

When does someone’s submissiveness start at what age ? At what time in life does someone realize they are submissive or a slave ? Many it begins from birth but it may take years before they understand their feelings , something happens in their life that causes changes , or something gets triggered, a movie , a book maybe a website , or just through general conversation. Something triggers it.

A Dominant is born it is very difficult for a Dominant who is middle age to discover they have a Dominant side and they now want a submissive. I am not going to say it does not happen it does and it is very rare.  I have met a few Dominants who entered the lifestyle at a later age and they are true, then I have met a lot of dick heads, who use the lifestyle as a way to abuse.

What many fail to understand is we area ll different , we all have different needs. We all react differently to different situations , we all handle problems different, we react different our thought process is different.

If you as a submissive or slave are emotional or maybe you suffer from depression then you need to tread on thin water, you need to be careful. Your mental state of mind is what is important. Being who you are is important, being free is what you need…

Codependency

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