submissive – inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; “submissive servants”; “a submissive reply”; “replacing troublemakers with more submissive people”
Archive for the codependent Category
In my home I am the President , Governor , Mayor , Judge and Jury. I am about the control. In my relationship I do not want a quarter of the pie, I don’t want half or even three quarters, I want the pie and the ice cream , because if you are getting less that the whole pie you are not getting the full experience.
I want to stand alone , I want to be different, I wanted to be someone my slave had never experienced.
Sitting back and looking at the progress, changing someone for the better, changing someones thought process, changing habits, training. Training someone to fit your needs. Training one to drop to their knees on command, or to spread on command, with either a voice command or a simple hand gesture. It is about the control, the ability to control ones actions and thoughts, now that is deep.
Now here is the thing, all of the above comes with a huge price tag, the above comes with huge responsibility , and then you have the saying be careful what you ask for, because once you start to unlock all of those door as you open each door the price tag becomes larger.
You get the clingy part, you get the needy , and in most cases you get the bad word codependent part , not always but this is true in most cases.
Submission not only runs on different levels, but it runs deep, and each one is different , each has different needs , but in the end the outcome is the same . You have a submissive who craves to be trained, loved and cared for.
So if your in it just for the pussy , or you want your dick sucked just ask. If your not in it for the long haul why would you want to try and put all the steps above into place when you have zero intentions of following through? In the end that is way to much work and time to invest just to get some head.
Then you have the other Dominant , the fuck with your head, trying to get over on you, bull shitting his way through a relationship that is never going to happen. You end up sitting all alone waiting on a text or an email, crying wondering what you did wrong…
Then you have the poor me Dominant, the wish I was a better Dom. The Dominant who promises to fix what ever is wrong but really has no intentions of doing anything. The Dominant who cannot keep his temper under control. The Dominant who uses fear and humiliation to keep you in check…. The Dominant who tell you , you are stupid , your nothing without him…
There are two sides to every story, you have to pick the book you want to read. Ive said it many times , life is based on two actions and two actions only, those would be choices and consequences.
The above goes for male and female, Dominant, Master , Domme , Submissive Slave , Baby Girl , Primal , what ever you label yourself. I am not sure about everyone else but my time is very valuable.
I was going through some groups in fetlife , where subs were looking for Dominants, and most of what I read from other Doms was , Man I wish you were closer. In my eye Distance has nothing to do with anything, if your willing to invest the time needed to build a relationship, then distance is not even an issue…. There are however circumstances which would not allow one to relocate, that being a career one makes more money than he other , but if two want a relationship bad enough and you feel you have enough in common someone is going to make that move…
If your training consist of sucking cock or being on your back, getting punished all the time just for the fuck of it, then I would sit back and rethink things out.
I always give new Dominant who are interested in the lifestyle a place to go for good information .. There is a ton of good information here more than you can get from any book on the market..
In the Vanilla world the word codependent is a nasty word , it is a word of weakness , and it is an open door for abuse. Most men can smell it a mile away. Most men see it as a easy target. Then here comes the Leech it starts sucking and sucking and sucking until there is nothing left. The you wake up one morning and your alone. So what do you do ? You get up and you start all over. You have just been knocked down , kicked, slapped and called every name in the book and some you have never heard, and of course the relationship breakdown is your fault and your fault only.
What adds to the pie is if you suffer from depression. I have mixed feeling about some of the medications that are used to treat people. Is there a cure ? I highly doubt it but the road to success starts within the home , how the home is ran. Abuse , problems , drama , and the one key a lack of love.
So you go see a shrink you talk for thirty minutes and you walk out with a hand full of prescriptions you cant afford , and no one is there to help you fill them , so you have hit another road block.
I have mixed feelings about Codependency , most in the medical field say there is a cure and I believe there can be a cure under the right conditions , and without most of the medications that are giving out , well maybe not a complete cure but a cure as far as you can take it.
Many Dominants who are new , those who could give a fuck and those who are clueless will step into such a relationship without a care. Things are good until you become or show signs of being needy, this is where your relationship turns bad.
This is why it is so important to get to know someone on a personal level first before entering any type of relationship and more so when it comes to BDSM. Once you enter that area you now have the responsibility of two and not just one. That means depending on what phase you are in the relationship will depend on the amount of time you have to devote to your property.
What are your limits ? This is a question that should take time to come up, limits have no meaning if you do not know whom your speaking with. Many of you can ask your New Dominant what your favorite food is or drink even color and you will get silence . Why ? Because they have not been listening to you, they hear you but they are not listening.
Before I met Arianna I knew I wanted a relationship , and in a two year period I cannot even tell you how many who said they were submissive or slaves I dated. I had a list of questions and a list of my needs , and a list of the must. If I heard the word no or I cant , we were done because I refused to bend. See I wanted a relationship a long term relationship but I wanted very little responsibility . I wanted the pussy the mouth and the ass and a side of kink, maybe a few rules and I would of been good.
The key is to find someone who will say yes, yes, yes , I am fine with that , yes and yes. The minute you have to say well why not ? Have you tried it ? You may like it why not give it a try ? You are then forcing someone to do something they are not comfortable with , you are changing someone and that is not what we want to do, we want to build on what we have. If you try to change someone you are telling them you are not happy with who they are. The second you try to change someone , the first thoughts are they are not good enough for you, if they were you would not be trying to change or force them to do something they are against….
If a Dominant is trying to change you in any way then he is not the Dom for you. You should be taking as you are and build from there.
When I met Arianna, just from a few words I could tell there was something there , I had a very good feeling. We talked and it was nothing about BDSM . I wanted to know about her , music , food , her work which I found to be very interesting. I wanted to know what she was thinking , and what made her think the way she did.
Along with my needs Arianna had a list of needs and a list that to this day continues to grow. I took a couple of days to think if I wanted to take on the amount of responsibility Arianna wanted me to take on , because I knew it would not be an easy task.
I agreed to such a relationship and now over a two year period we have yet to have an argument , no fighting , no yelling and no name calling. This is all due to open communication.
The first 90 days was a test for both of us , what shocked me was Arianna’s submission , there was absolutely no resistance , that through me for a loop and I had to change some things up. The first initial training lasted for approx 90 days, during that time there were test , to include being a in service slave for another Master and Slave. Serving dinner , refilling drinks and using proper protocols that had been put into place. Master R was very impressed with Arianna;s performance.
Something else I did was to introduce Arianna to people I knew who was active in the local community , not trying to prove who or what I was but to show I was who I was. To Let Arianna know I was being truthful just as I expected her to be.
Then came the final test , I cut Arianna’s hair , I had the right side shaved , well not bald but short enough it could not be combed. Maybe it was not a test I had that planned from day one.
We are Master and Slave , I control everything in our life , I control every move Arianna makes , from sitting , to eating, bathing , clothes , bed time , naps if I feel one is needed , to most of her clothes. I do allow free time , and I allow her to see friends and family as well , with a one weeks request.
I control her speech , she has now perfected speaking in thirds. Arianna never uses the words I or me. I do give Arianna full rein in the kitchen , unless there is something I want. On my days off I do a great deal of cooking , so it was not a maid or a mother figure I was looking for. I help out around the house when needed.
Right above Arianna’s click is my initial , perfectly shaved and has been there for more than two years , so while I am fucking her I can look down and see that I truly own her.
Now your thinking Vile you are abusive , how could you treat someone in this manner ? How can you be so cruel , and mean to someone you love ? How can you humiliate someone you say you love so dearly ? Oh I forgot the GPS tracker on her cell phone.
Well !!! Here is the thing , everything mentioned above was Arianna’s idea. Everything above was Arianna’s needs. Everything above is what Arianna needed in a M’s relationship. Arianna wanted to be owned property.
Being codependent does not make you weak , it does not make you dumb , or anything less. You know if your Codependent , you know your submissive , you know if your a baby girl , or even a slave. It is your responsibility to find someone who has your best interest , someone who will accept you for who you are , but most important someone who understands you.
A couple of years ago Arianna had a small break down and one before that , and the other day we were talking and she made the statement she no longer had the ups in life, it was like she was just here.
So here are my thoughts and again this is only my opinion , I do not have a PHD but I do have a PHD when it comes to the lifestyle. I have met hundreds and thousands of Dominants , subs and slaves , I enter act with people in the local community, and I have spent a great deal of time with subs and slaves. One thing many had in common not all but many . Some suffered from depression , anxiety , Bi polar , and Codependency, again I did not say all.
I am really surprised the medical profession had not put 1+1 together. I am surprised the medical profession has not done more research on the subject.
So you have a stroke , a spinal injury from a accident , a nervous breakdown , they all have one thing in common , your brain now transmits information different. You can have a small stroke and be 98% okay in a short time or you can have a major stroke and you can no longer walk, the same with spinal injures and breakdowns. What happens now our brain now transmits information differently and sometimes slower. You can take medication to ease things but your never the same. It is not your fault , it is life and sometimes life sucks.
When does someone’s submissiveness start at what age ? At what time in life does someone realize they are submissive or a slave ? Many it begins from birth but it may take years before they understand their feelings , something happens in their life that causes changes , or something gets triggered, a movie , a book maybe a website , or just through general conversation. Something triggers it.
A Dominant is born it is very difficult for a Dominant who is middle age to discover they have a Dominant side and they now want a submissive. I am not going to say it does not happen it does and it is very rare. I have met a few Dominants who entered the lifestyle at a later age and they are true, then I have met a lot of dick heads, who use the lifestyle as a way to abuse.
What many fail to understand is we area ll different , we all have different needs. We all react differently to different situations , we all handle problems different, we react different our thought process is different.
If you as a submissive or slave are emotional or maybe you suffer from depression then you need to tread on thin water, you need to be careful. Your mental state of mind is what is important. Being who you are is important, being free is what you need…
You know I have been down and out in my life. I have hit rock bottom and crawled back up dusted myself off and hit the trail , not really worrying about where I was going , but making sure I did not repeat the same mistakes.
By the grace of who ever I have never been homeless, I have always managed to stay a float.
I remember i was 13 I am guessing , and when I woke up a bright light was shinning in my eyes. It was the police , and my parents had been in a huge fight , a fight that got pretty physical.
So my brother and I were taking to a foster home and we were there for about a week before being allowed to go home.
This was not something that was unusual , as a matter of fact it happened pretty often.
Although I was popular in school , some of the kids started talking about me because I had been wearing the same pair of pants for half of the year. I knew something had to be done.
We had a small restaurant across the street so I went and talked to the owner about washing dishes.
At 13 I worked from 3.30 pm until roughly 10pm on the weekends 11pm. Yup I was making 2.35 an hour.
The funny thing was it took almost a month for my parents to even know I was missing at night, and once they found out they wanted a cut.
Yea I am thinking not. I did however pay the power bill to get the lights turned back on, we had gone most of the winter without heat or hot water.
So in about two months my closet was full again, jeans , shirts dingo boots , yea I was pretty well set.
At the age of 15 I went to work at the local cotton mill, and I went from 2.35 an hour to 4.25 union wages ha ha ha.
On top of that I still continued to go to school and I made 170 bucks a week , and I had a plan it was just putting everything into place.
At the cotton mill I ran a huge denim sewing machine, it was about 15 feet wide and as long and when it was threaded it had 800 single threads making one huge white sheet of denim before being dyed. It was a total bitch if a thread popped.
At 15 I knew I was changing I had started dating and this is when the rough sex came into play.
I had read most of the smut books my dad had bought from local truck stops and they are all pretty violent. Girls gagging on 14 inch cocks being fucked up the ass, just all about humiliation. Okay so I thought we this must be the norm although I did not have a 14 inch cock.
As you guess I did not date to much, my pickens were far and few between, well I had Beverly but so did everyone else then a girl named shannon. I had a different level of respect for her so she was treated different than Beverly.
Then I turned 17 and a Army recruiter came to out high school one day and I was in.
My plan was coming together , I made the appointment took all the test , brought home the paper work and after dinner one night I told my parents I had to take summer school and I had some forms they had to sign to approve it.
Bam 2 signatures and I was ready to go. I was now in the United States Army.
The 14th of October I turned 17 , while upstairs packing my dad walked in and asked me what I was doing.
I said you know , its been nice , well not really but I am out of here, I just cannot live like you two do any longer. So it is time for me to say goodbye I hope things get better.
The shit hit the fan, well it to late you and mom already signed the paper work I am leaving today and Ill be at Fort Dix New Jersey tomorrow.
If you take one step towards me it will be the first time in your life a 17 year old beat your ass , now back the fuck off.
Well at the hotel downtown Atlanta I was told I was put on hold because I was 4 pounds under weight, fucking go figure. So for three days the army stuffed me with food.
Then on my way via train , and I had no idea what I was about to walk into.
I had started smoking pot around the age of 15 , that is before the scales got fucked up in the mid 80’s. I was living the dream , well what I thought was the dream. I tried to smoke all the weed in the world but I could never catch up.
The kicker was I managed to work and go to school. Although I knew a lot of people I had very few friends , that was mainly due to not trusting anyone.
You can learn so much from just watching and listening to your parents. It made me wonder why two people who seemed to hate each other so much would stay married.
I started people watching as a teen and I would just observe , and listen , wondering if their home life was as fucked up as mine. Little did I know this would help me read people.
Once out of the Army that is where my life really started to get out of control.
I was still smoking pot , my drinking was out of control and I was taking pills. You could hand me anything and I would take. I did not care what it was , I just wanted to get high.
My first job out of the Army was making parachutes for sky diving teams. The pay was awesome but my work ethics were not. That job was short lived. Missing work and the quality of my production.
The next year I jumper from minimum wage job to minimum wage job , trying to make ends meet.
Fired once again and now nearly homeless because I knew no one , I decided to head to Florida.
1989 I loaded my 1967 cougar GT and headed to Florida. Once in a hotel reading the local paper a job caught my eye. Maintenance engineer wanted industrial laundry , hmm now that sounds interesting.
So I spent the next few days putting my fake resume together. Instead of Air Defense in the Army , I was now an electrical Engineer who had worked at power plants.
I went to the interview, got the job and I gave a starting date of about three weeks later.
I spent the next three weeks getting cleaned up. I stopped drinking , no more pills , and no more weed dammit.
Standing on the beach at sunrise I came to the conclusion there has to come a time when you have to grow up. I was no longer 17 and I wanted more, and I knew there was more out of life than just getting fucked up.
A week into my new job the head engineer called me in the office , as I sat down he said you little lying fucker. All I could do is just sit there.
He looked at my resume and asked me if there was anything on the paper that was true, and my reply was my name and address.
I was thinking well here it comes but he said look I like you and I am going to keep you on but you will have to show you want to stay here and learn.
Three years later I was transferred to collegedale Tennessee as the head engineer of a industrial laundry facility. The only bad part was the facility sat right on a seventh day Adventist college. How fucked up can that be ?
I had never had so much pussy in my life , I was banging someone different every week.
Then came the day I was called in the office and I was questioned about my sexual activity which was really none of their business well besides being employees.
So shortly after I left and back to florida Back to daytona, still working for the same company but moved into a tracker trailer position, yup they sent me to truck driving school.
It did not take me long to realize I was against any type of manual labor, and my driving career was very short lived.
News paper add read Call Center Manager for major financial institution, hmm interesting. This meant new resume and a better one.
Us Army Director of Communications Ft Ord California , who were they going to call The base had been shut down, so I moved right into my office with about 350 employes under me. By this time the internet was alive and I spent hours researching my newly found job and spent the next 5 years there until the closing of the center.
The moral of the story above you can do anything. Just as Sir Richard Branson said , if your asked if you can do something , you always say yes then you learn how to do it.
Now on to Depression. I am not a medical Doctor nor am I am shrink , although I do believe many Dominants would make better shrinks. One thing we do well and very well is listen.
We not only listen we communicate very well , be it with our partner or out in the general public. As Dominants we tend to be in control more , not only with our emotions but our thoughts our anger, our surroundings.
We tend to be more in control , we love structure we love putting plans together. We love challenges, we love our minds being put through the test. I myself I crave solving problems, but like most Dominants we solve problems before they become a problem.
Putting something off becomes a problem so we or I handle things before hand.
I love being told I cant do something, I love being told something is impossible to do.
As Dominants we provide a stable environment, as Dominants we provide stability. As Dominants we provide structure, As Dominants we provide Love and communication. As Dominants we provide rules that will help structure ones life so our property may grow and continue to grow. As a Dominant we provide positive reinforcement. As a Dominant we provide advice and we solve problems.
Our role is just not in the bedroom, our role is not just about kink, our role is just not about punishing.
Our role as a Dominant is to lead and we have to earn enough respect so you will want to follow.
The CDC says An Estimated 1 in 10 U.S. Adults Report Depression.
I myself believe that number is probably twice if not three times higher,
the one in ten are those that are reported. I am sure there are many more that do not go report and people just live with suffering on a daily basis..
Okay so this is where some controversy is going to come into play and I am not trying to offend anyone here, and again this is just my opinion and I am basing my opinion on about 22 or 23 years in the lifestyle.
There are many who are submissive and slave who suffer from depression and other medical issues such as bi-polar , anxiety , it goes on and on, and most are on medications.
I did not say every submissive or slave so do not go putting words in my mouth, I said there are many.
The above is looking for everything I described above , the structure , security , the freedom of open communication , stability you get the picture.
If your Dominant suffers from any of the illnesses I mentioned , you are doing more harm to him than good. He has enough on his shoulders keeping his life straight without having to keep someone else in check.
As a Master who is Married to my Slave I now have two to look out for not just one. I make all of the decisions so what ever I decide effects both of us not just me.
A Dominant has to have the ability to think clear and be able to stay on a level emotional playing field.
Many Dominants who suffer from depression have a very low self esteem as with the novice Dominant I spoke about the other day.
The blog was I wish I was A Better Dominant.
Now if your in the relationship just for the kink, the sex and being spanked hey have at it, but a Dominant who suffers from depression can in noway provide a stable home with structure.
I have never at one time stated, Oh I wish I could be a better Dominant , I wish I was who you need. Those words have never come out of my mouth and they never will.
Adding that type of pressure to someone who has such an illness , is setting someone up for failure.
I am held accountable for my actions and I will admit my wrong doings. EH when and if it ever happens.
I am not cocky , I am no arrogant , I am not stuck on myself , I am confident.
If your looking to enter a D’s or M’s relationship and your looking for a Dominant that is one of the first questions you need to ask.
Do you suffer from any type of depression ? Do you have anger Issues ? Do you have drug or alcohol issues ?
If you the submissive or slave feels uncomfortable asking any of the above then you are not ready for a relationship.
If you suffer from any form of depression and your Dominant suffers from depression , how does that work ?
Those who do suffer from depression or even bi-polar you are not broken you just need a Dominant who has true patience. You need someone who is willing to dedicate enough time to allow you to grow.
You need someone who is going to understand your ups and downs. You need someone who is there to communicate with you , but knows when you need space.
Your in need of guidance and compassion , someone who understands you. More so someone who understands your limits, the train of thought pushing you over that edge.
Arianna had a break down right after we had met , but I knew if I invested time and I stuck with her through her bad times in the end it would pay off and today I am standing on top of the world.
I found Arianna a new doctor , a full change of meds and I go to her appointments with her and I speak up because I know she will not.
I have a very structured home, and to date we have not had an argument and that is due to our communication.
You need to change your game , before we would give someone three strikes and I see three strikes as being to many chances.
If you let someone run over you once they will do it again and again. If you let someone abuse you be it physical , mental or verbal they will do it again and again and again.
The new Dominant should be asking questions as well, your health , mental and physical. He should want to know everything about you inside and out.
In many cases sucking cock comes up first, do you take it up the ass ? Are you Bi ? Then you know your best interest is not in mind.
Depression effect people in different ways , but you all get those highs and lows, understanding you makes a huge difference.
You should want not only the world but everything on it.
You can be happy with depression in any relationship if you are in caring hands.
I am sure many of you have heard these words or similar. I wish I was a better Daddy , I wish I was a better Master , or Dominant.
These words come from a novice who has bitten off more than he can chew. He has stepped out of the frying pan into the fire.
A middle aged man waking up one morning after finding ALT.com or some other BDSM site, now he wants to step into that relationship really knowing nothing about the lifestyle. He now wants to control someone , impose rules , look for reasons to punish, yell and bark orders , make demands you are not sure you can do , or possibly get into trouble.
He now wants to isolate you, keep you from family and friends.
The novice has been in the lifestyle now for 10 years or this is what he is telling you. He has trained many , and the relationship has failed because they lied to him, they were not real , they were fakes.
Your needy and he is greedy sounds familiar yes? He takes and takes and you give and give, but you get nothing in return.
A novice a week into the lifestyle is not the Grand Master of Masters , the Lord the Grand Pooba.
On your knees bitch suck your Masters cock, I will train you just keep sucking. I own you, and you have only known each other for a couple of hours.
This is the Dominant you can tell nothing because he knows everything. This is the Dominant when the relationship falls apart it is your fault , you did it, you were not true , how dare you lie about your submission.
You know a couple of months ago I tried giving someone advice and he laughed at me.
He then sent me a friend request on Facebook , so I excepted. A month went by and nothing not a word so I then deleted him.
Then out of the blue I get a Message saying let me know when you can talk, as in making some kind demand , like he was making time for me. He is now blocked.
The novice is like a leach it will suck the blood out of you until you pick it off and throw it away.
I am far from perfect , I have and would never claim I know all. What I know has taking me years to learn not months or weeks but years.
He wants his cock sucked but the minute you become needy or he finds out your codependent he wants no part of you.
You need to grow up , your acting childish , I am not going to put up with your games , that is right your now a game , and in the end the break up is your fault and your fault only.
If the Dominant cannot control his own life , his own problems , his own drama , how in the fuck is he going to help or control you. If his life is a complete fucking mess , you have to think what can he bring to the table to help me ?
The novice Dominant will lose their temper at the drop of a hat. You are now the stupid bitch , your a cunt , your making his life so fucking miserable. He cannot train you because your a fake your not real. He will scream and scream then he will come crawling back with his tail between his legs begging you to take him back.
I wish I was a better Dominant , I wish I was a better Master or Daddy , these are the words of a novice and a idiot. He has stepped into someones shoes and they do not fit.
You the submissive in the end are the one in charge , you are running the relationship and you are faking your submission.
All you have to do is think.
Taking control over someones life is a huge responsibility. Turning your life over to someone takes a lot of trust.
Taking over someones life requires the Dominant to devote a great deal of time. Turning your life over to someone requires you to be open and truthful and having the ability to be able to communicate.
Taking control over someones life requires the Dominant to be truthful, and honesty and having the ability to communicate. Turning yourself over to someone requires you to give yourself 100%, 100% of the time.
The Dominant runs the show. The way the relationship turns out is soly on the Dominants shoulders.
The only exception would be if the Slave or submissive does not have the heart, or the will to enter such a relationship.
The Dominant sets the pace, the Dominant sets the standards, the Dominant sets the protocols , and The Dominant sets the rules.
Before entering such a relationship the Slave or Submissive has to be very clear about their needs. They need to be very clear as to what it would take for them to be able to function in such a relationship. What do you need in a D’s Or M’s relationship? What are your goals within a relationship? What do you expect out of your Dominant in a relationship?
Just as I find the 128 rules to be a fucking joke, I find Anal training by web cam to be a fucking joke, or meeting with no panties.
The above is something a 20 year old Dominant would expect, because it is then about being controlling and not in control.
Your fucking your ass on a web cam so some dude can jack off, and once you turn your computer off, you will crawl up in your bed alone and cry yourself to sleep.
The above is in no way, a way to gain someone submission. The above is no way to prove you are the Master Of disaster , man slayer woman player. Starting out training someone to suck your cock is not training.
The Dominant says well I am poly. The submissive thinks for a minute and finely says well you know I prefer a one on on, she never says she is not, I prefer.
What you have done then is opened a door you the submissive cannot close. If your not poly say it. If the Dominant gets up and walks out so fucking what.
Your having a problem finding the right Dominant or Master, I can honestly tell you that is your fault and no one Else’s , yes you the Slave or Submissive are the one to blame.
How can that be Vile ? How can it be my fault ? I am insulted by your remarks.
I am going to give you two main reasons. One your are not completely honest with yourself and who you are. Two you are not honest with the Dominant when you first meet him.
If you feel completely comfortable when you first meet then stay and see where it goes. If your first meeting is about fucking or sucking cock, get up and leave.
If you feel intimidated when you first meet get up and leave, because Domination through intimidation is no way to start a successful relationship.
These are my limits, um I do not do anal, and I am not into pain. Your limits are duly noted, and I will respect your limits.
If the limits are pushed and you are questioned, again tell the Dominant thank you and get up and walk the fuck out.
Vile that would be me, I never question limits, I never ask why? I never say well lets try. I never say well we can do someone anal training. I never say well while your at home why don’t you try.
I have a very good reason as to why I never bring it up again and it is so fucking simple you can be smarter than a 5th grader.
Because if you the Dominant are who you say you are, you do what you say your going to do, you are completely honest, and you remain consistent.
Now those are just a few of the keys, those are the keys that will open the door to submission, and as your relationship grows, and you continue your communication. Here it comes,,,,, wait for it, it is coming, wait for it.
Bam her submission will grow deeper, she will trust more, she will want to follow. In the end she will want to give you everything you need.
The minute you start to question someones limits, that is the time the trust issues come into play, and your relationship may or may not survive, if it does you are still not getting 100% and you never will, because you went back on your word, and that means you lied.
If you the Dominant are who you say you are. If you the Dominant does not have any anger issues. If you the Dominant are truthful and honest, and you do what you say your going to do, there is no end to the submission, there are no limits, well within reason.
I have something I live by. I never ask someone to do something I have not already done or I would not do. That includes needle play which I will admit I am very good at.
Needle play however is a very hard limit for Arianna and I fully respect that. Even if she came to me and wanted to try I would probably not because I know her fear of needles.
Your submission can and will grow under the right hands , but it depends on many factors, it also depends on what you want out of your relationship.
The start is the getting to know each other prior to any type of play, and you need to make it a point up front that is your intentions, getting to know each other.
In the past I have ragged on married men who cheat, I have also explained how they use you as an escape , an escape into a fantasy world they cannot have at home.
The things they are looking for is things their wives will not do, or they are to ashamed to bring the subject up.
Firs thing is he will not leave his wife, this is more true if he has kids. He is not going to lose his house and everything else, including paying child support.
What he has at home is security, he has someone who makes sure all the bills are paid, someone to cook and clean house, do laundry, and fuck from time to time.
You are there to fill the gap, you are there for one thing and one thing only, the Kink.
Entering a relationship any relationship for that matter you want to be number one, not two or three, number one.
Seeing a weekend warrior you are not getting anything out of the lifestyle. At the end of the day after a couple of hours of play you get in your car and drive home alone, you also wake up alone, and you go to bed alone.
You are now a piece of the pie, you are not the whole pie, just a slice, and you will continue being a slice until you figure out you have been played.
Some will play the fear game with you, the intimidation game and you fall for it. That is no way to start out a relationship. If you cannot communicate you have nothing.
You who are single it is not hard to find a partner, and it is easier to find the right partner, but you have to play the game of patience. Patience is the key and if you follow your own rules, your own guidelines , your own instinct it will happen. If at anytime you feel something is not right when you meet someone, excuse yourself and leave, you have lost nothing but an hour or so, which could of turned into months of drama and heartache.
I do not want to demand submission , I do not want to tell you to call me Sir Or Master , I want to earn it. When you kneel in front of me I want it to be because it is a need for you not just to please. I want you to crawl to me because you have the need.
Since the 50 shades epidemic , Doms have sprouted up like weeds , I call these Doms Kia Reo’s.
They have cheap payments, high maintenance , and very undependable.
I would hope you would want more out of a relationship , I would hope you think your better than that.
BDSM is not about sex , BDSM is not about learning how to suck cock, or train your ass.
BDSM is about respect, structure , communication , and finding your submission. Yea the kink is nice but you should take small steps.
Meeting someone in a motel once or twice a month is just kink and your being used. I know some are fine with this type of arrangement and if that is your game and your not looking for anything more , then more power to you.
I want everything you said you would not do when I first met you, no pressure no questions. I want to get you to that point, I want you to have the need to please.
This is done by being who you said you were, and doing what you promised. This is done by providing the structure , the stability , and the security you promised.
It is not a game , it is about being yourself.
Arianna’s mother and I have a love hate relationship. I suppose it is the fact I control everything when it comes to her daughter.
Her Mother does know about our lifestyle just as my family knows. The one thing her mother knows is Arianna is in a much better place, and that she appreciates.
So the topic came up a couple of weeks ago, while her mother and I were standing in the kitchen talking, and her mother made the comment about Arianna being Codependent . Is that how your lifestyle works you make your women codependent?
I said absolutely not , as a matter of fact Arianna has always been codependent, either you did not see it or you just did not care. The same goes for her past relationships, if they did see it they just did not want the responsibility
So I looked at her mother in the eye, and I said Arianna is codependent but I have perfected it.
While it is true many who are Submissive and more so those who are slaves are codependent, not all, I did not say all, Many.
This part is not abuse or maybe it is. A Dominant with zero experience has no idea how to deal with someone who is codependent, and it quickly becomes a burden. So either you find someone who knows what is going on, and work it from there, or you just say I am sorry I bit off more than I could chew. Because the longer you the Dominant sticks around the more damage you are doing.
Here is a little known fact about the medical profession, more so when it come to counselors and Psychiatrists.
They are quick to tell you what the problem is, they are also quick to tell you what you should do to fix it, but they do not tell you how to fix it. So all the Psychiatrists is in real life is a pill pusher, because if you can mask the problem, you are no longer a problem.
Everyone is wired differently, we all think different, our brains are wired differently, our visions on how we see the world are different. You can tell someone what the problem is, and what they should be doing, but your missing the main ingredient , The How To.
So either we as Dominants expect ours for who they are, or you leave, because if you do neither, here comes your temper, he comes the anger, and here comes the abuse.
There is no life coach who can change you, maybe for a short time, but the first time something goes wrong, your right back where you started, but this time your alone.
In most cases Dominants make better Psychiatrists than Psychiatrists do. Did that even make sense?
The only difference is we are not allowed to write scripts.
So your codependent, that is perfectly fine if you are in the right hands. Because a good Dominant will lift you up just enough so you can act on your own. Remember the Behavior Modification?
Again not everyone in the lifestyle is Codependent, but when you look at the whole picture the majority are.
It is okay to be you, it is okay to expect someone to except you for you, and not want to change you.
The only thing you truly want is to be understood and loved.