Archive for the codependent Category

You Want The Pussy But Not The Responsibulity

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, anal sex, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, codependent, commitment, communication, Dominants, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Protocols, pussy, Slave, Structure, submisive, Submission, sucking cock with tags , , , , , , on February 19, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

There are idiots everywhere , and there are people who think with their Cocks as a matter of fact their cocks run their life. If you were to cut the mother fucker off they would be lost.

Why do most people associate BDSM with abuse ? Because of the above the idiots , the retards who want the pussy but not the responsibility.

Those who play the game , those who hurt people because they have no clue, just take out a flogger and start swinging without a care. Those who rape because you think they want to be forced. Those who see Submission as a weakness. Those who want the control but give nothing back.

I have zero respect for those Married Doms or claim to be Dominant. Think about it if they were so Dominant they would be running their house , but that is not the case their wife better known as Mommy take care of them.

Something I hate some stupid fuck makes a comment and leaves no way to contact them or respond to my reply.

FullPotato

There are still core behaviors consistent to all humans. While everyone is an individual, they still share humanity’s foils.
Where is the line between domination and abuse? Are those interchangeable terms? When does the master/submissive/slave relationship change from positive to negative? In-fact what constitutes a positive relationship?
This fuck has not a clue about the lifestyle but has read enough to know there are millions of fucking retards who are predators , those who abuse.
I have blogged about Married Doms probably 50 times or more out of almost 3000 post and not one , not one has stood up and said a word or justified his reasoning .
You who are submissive seeing married Doms and that is cool as long as you know he will never divorce Mommy. He is with you because his wife will not take it up the ass but you will. The minute you become needy he will drop you like a bad habit.
If and when a Dominant takes that step into a brand new world your life changes , it is like hitting puberty all over again. Your thought process changes , your needs change , your wants change, and the type of woman you are looking for changes.
It is like starting elementary , stepping up to middle school then high school , you never stop learning.
I watch , I listen and I observe. I never want to stop learning each day is a new experience . You learn by others mistakes , you learn by thinking before you act , you learn by thinking logically, you learn by taking responsibility for your own actions, You learn by knowing your decision affects two and just not one.
The main problem with a new Dominant is he kinda knows what he wants , he has envisioned the role , the things he wants to do , but his thoughts are purely sexual. He has not sat down and thought the whole process out. His rules are sexual , demeaning , humiliating , rough and thoughtless. He has not thought through the emotions that will come out , nor the neediness , and in some cases the codependency side of the submissive. While thinking about having a slave non of the above has come to his thoughts. The Dominant will become defensive , he will start losing his temper pushing you away , calling you names, then comes the end he explains you are not the one for him.
One of the first things I tell a new Dominant is to find a mentor 1 out of a 100 will take that advice and 1 out of a 100 will succeed. The other 99 will put the blame on the slave because she was not a true slave , her submission was fake.
These guys fail because of a lack of knowledge and a lack of caring. These guys will move from slave to slave to slave and he will find something wrong with each one because he is not willing to put the effort into building a relationship. These guys are only interested in getting their cock sucked , fucking someones ass , just using until she is no longer fun or he just gets bored.
Building a M’s or D’s relationship is not an easy task if you are serious and have a plan. Before handing out any rules you have to know the Slave inside and out. You have to know what makes her think the way she does. Again this takes the want , this takes effort and this takes a need.
As young Dominants we all had the same thoughts when it came to rules . You will never wear panties , you will always wear a skirt, you will worship Master Cock, you will be ready for inspection at all times, your pussy must be shaved at all times , your ass will be ready at all times. Then we hit the Dominant Puberty stage and our thoughts change..
The truth is with a little planning , a little need , a little caring both can have the ultimate relationship but both have to have the need. The Slave the need to submit and serve , the Dominant the need to take control and responsibility.
I run a very smooth home , there are no problems , there is no Drama but most of all there is no arguing. I have more protocols than I do rules , as a matter of fact you can turn your protocols into rules. Rules are meant for self improvement , rules are meant to keep your slave on a straight path. Both rules and protocols are to be followed and it is the Dominants responsibility to insure the Slave follows and he has to let the Slave know there are consequences if a rule or protocol is not followed. In public a Slave is a direct reflection of her owner.
You want sex on demand , you want your cock sucked on demand, you want anal sex on demand. You want everything on demand but you have to give back more than you take. You have to be willing to take the good and bad. You have to be willing to stay consistent on a daily basis. You have to be willing to communicate and listen. You have to be willing to talk to your Slave and not at her.
The question that comes to mind is , is there a such a thing as a perfect Slave ?  Absolutely there is and we The Masters create that perfect slave we mold to fit our needs and wants. We as Masters create our own world , have have the ability to control our life , our surroundings , and even out in public. If you are going to talk you have to be able to walk the talk,,, Hmmmm did that come out right?

Rules And Training

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, cock sucking, codependent, Collar, communication, compatibility, Dominant, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, MAST, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Protocols, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Submissive being used, training your slave on January 17, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

I get emails from Submissive’s and Slaves asking me questions about training and rules. Meeting Doms for the first time.

You meet on a dating site you send messages back and forth and the Dom hounds you for your phone number until you give in.

The first questions are how long have you been in the lifestyle, you state you are new to the lifestyle but you want to learn. BOOM first mistake you are hooked. You start texting back and forth hes not really asking questions about you he is more interested in what you’re limits are , are you bi sexual ? Do you swallow ? Do you do anal ? What is the shortest skirt you own ? Do you ever go without panties ? How often do you masturbate ?

So after being hounded you agree to meet because you are tired of the pressure. The place is classy probably a Denny’s in the corner . He has instructed you to wear a short skirt with no panties. You have second thoughts but agree after all you want to make a good impression. You are instructed certain time to text because the Dom is busy with work and works really crazy hours and when you do text most of the time it takes several hours to get a response or even a day or so.

When you meet the Dom still knows very little about you or you’re family and friends , what you enjoy doing in you’re spare time, music or food , just the kink side of things.

You are instructed not to make eye contact and you are told to address him as Sir. He does most of the talking mainly because you are afraid to ask any questions even though some of it does not sound right.

He spends a great deal of time just talking about himself , and bragging about everything he has done and ask very few questions about you.

Most likely hew ill pull out a collar he bought at Walmart or petco and throws it at you and you are now owned..

Now you’re training starts you walk out and get his car he unzips his pants and you are instructed to suck his cock. Keep in mind you have no clue who this dude really is, you have no clue where he lives because you do not have his address, you don’t even know where he works, and you are about to suck his dick.

You know in you’re mind this cannot possibly be right because you are seeking more but you will blow him just to please. These are guys who do not have a clue nor do they care about you or the out come.

The most difficult about training is being able to sit down and out a plan together. What worked with the last relationship will not work on the next. Every Slave or Submissive has a different personality , they have different needs and the out come of the training will be different.

You’re questions , why do you want to train me ? What is the end goal you have in mind ? What am I going to get out of you’re training ? What are you going to get out of training me ? Now this next question will stump a Dom who has no clue. What are you’re protocols public and private ? What type of structure will you provide? Do you have any Ex issues ? That is a huge biggie many Ex’s still have a hold on his belt. Am I going to come first ? Will I have 24/7 access to you ?

A few of the first questions a Dom will ask before even knowing you’re favorite color is are you Bi ? Are you poly ? Do you mind if I see other women ? What are you’re limits ? That is usually the first or second question believe it or not. Do you swallow ? Yes a lot of women do not. Do you like Anal sex? Everything is about sex and nothing about you.

To train you is to know you , You say you are a Slave but maybe you are not sure so there are questions that has to be asked and you have to be completely honest.

To train you is to know you , how you think , what makes you think the way you do, you’re habits , the likes , the dislikes what areas if any need improvement.

This should be you’re train of thought , although I have needs not wants but needs , my main purpose is to serve and please. The train of thought should be if my Dom is happy I am happy. Second you have to be sure you are getting the whole package.

There was a conversation about training but you enter the relationship and nothing changes. The only thing that has changed is he is barking out orders and he likes to beat you.  This is where communication comes in you should and have the right to ask questions, you have the right to get answers. If you ask a question and you get yelled and it happens on a regular basis then maybe you need to rethink you’re situation. Never I mean never let feelings get in the way of happiness that will fuck you up every time.

You have to be truthful from the start , if you tell the Dom you love being fucked up the ass and when it comes time and you freak out it will not be good. Honest you have to be honest and not honest just to please.

The Dominant has to be honest , once rules are giving out they are set in stone. Down the road a Dom may revisit the rules and maybe there is one he feels you  do not need any longer. Once rules are in place a Dominant will not change just because he wants to punish you. The truth is a Submissive or Slave will strive to be the best they can be. Mistakes do happen I know this and so do other Dominants.  If a Dominant has enough protocols in place very few rules are needed if any. Protocols are the driving force of structure.

When you first meet a Dominant you meet on you’re terms and you’re terms only , you can even go as far as picking the place somewhere on public. You pick what you are going to wear and how you will address him. Many will demand that you call them Sir. That right is earned after you have full respect for them and not until. Submission is earned not giving. Most Doms who have no clue will try to give you a collar. This shows the fuck is a total idiot and nothing more. The collar is picked up from a pet store or walmart and is just tossed across the table and you are told to put it on, you are now owned lets start you’re training.

I have had failed relationships some I did not care about others I lost sight of direction, or I was stumped and had no idea which way to go. I knew what I wanted and needed but had no idea how to get there. I could picture the type of relationship I wanted but was stuck in first gear. Most relationships at that time were just a matter of convenience. I had pussy on a daily basis and someone to suck my cock. I knew going in it would not last and would only be around until I got bored or she got to clingy.

A dominant is not born over night , it is not something you just wake up one morning and say hey I want a submissive. There is growth , the wisdom, learning to control the anger , and finding ways to divert the anger to funnel it out of your system. Learning words are far worse than being physical. Bruises go away words do not, not that I condone being physical no man should ever hit a woman out of anger.

Observation , asking questions , thousands of questions , Observing , learning , communication , learning how the submissive thinks learning what they think the way they do. Learning their habits , their needs, their wants. Tv , music, hobbies, reading the submissive like a book. Once you have that down you can begin their training. Training that will be effective , training that will benefit both.

You Guys , you Dominants , Masters you can have anything you want , you can have anything you need, you can have anything you have ever dreamed of, it just takes a little effort on your behalf. You have to be willing to put as much time into building the relationship as you want out of it. One thing you cannot take more than you give, if you do it will never work..

Good Info. http://bestslavetraining.com/

 

 

New Dominant

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, codependent, commitment, communication, compatibility, Dominant, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, New Dominant, Slave, Structure, Submission, Submissive, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on August 2, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/submissive

submissiveinclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; “submissive servants”; “a submissive reply”; “replacing troublemakers with more submissive people”

unassertiveinclined to timidity or lack of self-confidence; “a shy unassertive person”
obedientdutifully complying with the commands or instructions of those in authority; “an obedient soldier”; “obedient children”; “a little man obedient to his wife”; “the obedient colonies…are heavily taxed; the refractory remain unburdened”- Edmund Burke
humblemarked by meekness or modesty; not arrogant or prideful; “a humble apology”; “essentially humble…and self-effacing, he achieved the highest formal honors and distinctions”- B.K.Malinowski
subordinatesubject or submissive to authority or the control of another; “a subordinate kingdom”
submissiveabjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant; “slavish devotion to her job ruled her life”; “a slavish yes-man to the party bosses”- S.H.Adams; “she has become submissive and subservient”
It took me some several years to get my feet firmly planted on the ground, it took me several years to figure out who I was and what I needed. It took me several years to figure out exactly what I needed in a partner a long-term partner.
One thing I never understood was the  word compatibility or how important that word would be in my search.
It took me a very long time to realize I had to be me and in order to be me I had to find someone who was okay with me being me, and I had to find someone who wanted to adapt to my ways.
I spent years trying to change people and forcing change never works in the long run , forcing change is only short time. Compatibility is the key word. Someone  who was willing to adapt to my way.
If you are new to the lifestyle , if you are a new Dominant take time find a mentor, a mentor who has life experience , experience in the lifestyle a Dominant who has built a successful D’s or M’s relationship.
If you are serious take a year out of your life and take the time to learn. Listen ,watch and learn.
Just because you meet a submissive it does not mean he or she is the right submissive for you… Compatibility is 90% the other 10% is finding that fit.
You’re  life is about to change , this is why I suggest a year. You are going to add more responsibility to your life , you are going to have to dedicate another 40 hours on top of your full-time job.
She is too emotional,  she is to codependent , she wants rules , she wants protocols , she wants to give up full control,she wants to be trained and you do not have a clue, why you ask? Because you did not take the proper steps. You did not want to invest enough time. You read a book and few post watched some porn and now you are a Self Ordained Bad ass Dominant who knows everything.  well , welcome to a whole new world.
This is where compatibility issues come into play, this is the time you discover if you fit or you just walk away.
There are d’s couples who have none of the above , there are those who have very few rules and protocols. The Dominant speaks the submissive listens. If this is you then find youre fit. Please do not drag someone through your mistakes and the lack of not caring.
She does not listen , she does not follow rules , she does not follow protocols. What have you done to control the above? What steps have you taken ? What have you done as far as Discipline ? If you are going to put a rule or protocol in place you have to enforce it , if you do not your words mean nothing and the submissive will lose respect for you.
As with any relationship we have to invest time , when it comes to a D’s or M’s you can double or even triple the time you will need to invest.
The more the submissive begins to trust the more they will want to give and in turn will come the added responsibility. The bad news is it is never ending,as with training, so be careful what you ask for…
To help you get a step in the door , find a mentor , find a Dominant support group . the chances are there is probably a group close to you even a Dominant to mentor you. Mentorship I would imagine would be at least a year, and i would think a year would be worth a life long relationship.
When I am approached about mentoring , I spend a little time seeing if the new dominant is really serious. The bad news is once i agree it usually only last a couple of weeks then the dominant knows everything and they no longer need my advice.
Remember I am living a successful M’s relationship
Again just because you find a submissive it does not mean she is the right submissive. It also does not mean you are the right dominant.
Vile

It’s Not About The Pussy

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Bestslavetraining.com, Building a BDSM Relationshp, choices and consequences, codependency, codependent, commitment, communication, compatibility, consequences, Consistency, Dominance Through Intimidation, Dominant, Domme, FaceBook Vile Woods, fetlife, Fetlife Groups, fucking and sucking, Humiliation, Master and slave relationship, On your knees on your back, owning a slave, primal, Slave, Structure, submisive, Submission, sucking cock, Training Arianna, Uncategorized on November 28, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

In my home I am the President , Governor , Mayor , Judge and Jury. I am about the control. In my relationship I do not want a quarter of the pie, I don’t want half or even three quarters, I want the pie and the ice cream , because if you are getting less that the whole pie you are not getting the full experience.

I want to stand alone , I want to be different, I wanted to be someone my slave had never experienced.

Sitting back and looking at the progress, changing someone for the better, changing someones thought process, changing habits, training. Training someone to fit your needs. Training one to drop to their knees on command, or to spread on command, with either a voice command or a simple hand gesture.  It is about the control, the ability to control ones actions and thoughts, now that is deep.

Now here is the thing, all of the above comes with a huge price tag, the above comes with huge responsibility , and then you have the saying be careful what you ask for, because once you start to unlock all of those door as you open each door the price tag becomes larger.

You get the clingy part, you get the needy , and in most cases you get the bad word codependent part , not always but this is true in most cases.

Submission not only runs on different levels, but it runs deep, and each one is different , each has different needs , but in the end the outcome is the same . You have a submissive who craves to be trained, loved and cared for.

So if your in it just for the pussy , or you want your dick sucked  just ask. If your not in it for the long haul why would you want to try and put all the steps above into place when you have zero intentions of following through? In the end that is way to much work and time to invest just to get some head.

Then you have the other Dominant , the fuck with your head, trying to get over on you, bull shitting his way through a relationship that is never going to happen. You end up sitting all alone waiting on a text or an email, crying wondering what you did wrong…

Then you have the poor me Dominant, the wish I was a better Dom. The Dominant who promises to fix what ever is wrong but really has no intentions of doing anything. The Dominant who cannot keep his temper under control. The Dominant who uses fear and humiliation to keep you in check…. The Dominant who tell you , you are stupid , your nothing without him…

There are two sides to every story, you have to pick the book you want to read. Ive said it many times , life is based on two actions and two actions only, those would be choices and consequences.

The above goes for male and female, Dominant, Master , Domme , Submissive Slave , Baby Girl , Primal , what ever you label yourself. I am not sure about everyone else but my time is very valuable.

I was going through some groups in fetlife , where subs were looking for Dominants, and most of what I read from other Doms was , Man I wish you were closer. In my eye Distance has nothing to do with anything, if your willing to invest the time needed to build a relationship, then distance is not even an issue…. There are however circumstances which would not allow one to relocate, that being a career one makes more money than he other , but if two want a relationship bad enough and you feel you have enough in common someone is going to make that move…

If your training consist of sucking cock or being on your back, getting punished all the time just for the fuck of it, then I would sit back and rethink things out.

I always give new Dominant who are interested in the lifestyle a place to go for good information .. There is a ton of good information here more than you can get from any book on the market..

http://bestslavetraining.com/

Vile

 

 

 

 

Arianna’s Codependency

Posted in Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, codependency, codependent, Master, Master And Slave, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

In the Vanilla world the word codependent is a nasty word , it is a word of weakness , and it is an open door for abuse. Most men can smell it a mile away. Most men see it as a easy target. Then here comes the Leech it starts sucking and sucking and sucking until there is nothing left. The you wake up one morning and your alone. So what do you do ? You get up and you start all over. You have just been knocked down , kicked, slapped and called every name in the book and some you have never heard, and of course the relationship breakdown is your fault and your fault only.

What adds to the pie is if you suffer from depression. I have mixed feeling about some of the medications that are used to treat people. Is there a cure ? I highly doubt it but the road to success starts within the home , how the home is ran. Abuse , problems , drama , and the one key a lack of love.

So you go see a shrink you talk for thirty minutes and you walk out with a hand full of prescriptions you cant afford , and no one is there to help you fill them , so you have hit another road block.

I have mixed feelings about Codependency , most in the medical field say there is a cure and I believe there can be a cure under the right conditions , and without  most of the medications that are giving out , well maybe not a complete cure but a cure as far as you can take it.

Many Dominants who are new , those who could give a fuck and those who are clueless will step into such a relationship without a care. Things are good until you become or show signs of being needy, this is where your relationship turns bad.

This is why it is so important to get to know someone on a personal level first before entering any type of relationship and more so when it comes to BDSM. Once you enter that area you now have the responsibility of two and not just one. That means depending on what phase you are in the relationship will depend on the amount of time you have to devote to your property.

What are your limits ? This is a question that should take time to come up, limits have no meaning if you do not know whom your speaking with. Many of you can ask your New Dominant what your favorite food is or drink even color and you will get silence . Why ? Because they have not been listening to you, they hear you but they are not listening.

Before I met Arianna I knew I wanted a relationship , and in a two year period I cannot even tell you how many who said they were submissive or slaves I dated. I had a list of questions and a list of my needs , and a list of the must. If I heard the word no or I cant , we were done because I refused to bend.  See I wanted a relationship a long term relationship but I wanted very little responsibility . I wanted the pussy the mouth and the ass and a side of kink, maybe a few rules and I would of been good.

The key is to find someone who will say yes, yes, yes , I am fine with that , yes and yes.  The minute you have to say well why not ? Have you tried it ? You may like it why not give it a try ? You are then forcing someone to do something they are not comfortable with , you are changing someone and that is not what we want to do, we want to build on what we have.  If you try to change someone you are telling them you are not happy with who they are. The second you try to change someone , the first thoughts are they are not good enough for you, if they were you would not be trying to change or force them to do something they are against….

If a Dominant is trying to change you in any way then he is not the Dom for you. You should be taking as you are and build from there.

When I met Arianna, just from a few words I could tell there was something there , I had a very good feeling. We talked and it was nothing about BDSM . I wanted to know about her , music , food , her work which I found to be very interesting. I wanted to know what she was thinking , and what made her think the way she did.

Along with my needs Arianna had a list of needs and a list that to this day continues to grow. I took a couple of days to think if I wanted to take on the amount of responsibility Arianna wanted me to take on , because I knew it would not be an easy task.

I agreed to such a relationship and now over a two year period we have yet to have an argument , no fighting , no yelling and no name calling.  This is all due to open communication.

The first 90 days was a test for both of us , what shocked me was Arianna’s submission , there was absolutely no resistance , that through me for a loop and I had to change some things up. The first initial training lasted for approx 90 days, during that time there were test , to include being a in service slave for another Master and Slave. Serving dinner , refilling drinks and using proper protocols that had been put into place. Master R was very impressed with Arianna;s performance.

Something else I did was to introduce Arianna to people I knew who was active in the local community , not trying to prove who or what I was but to show I was who I was. To Let Arianna know I was being truthful just as I expected her to be.

Then came the final test , I cut Arianna’s hair , I had the right side shaved , well not bald but short enough it could not be combed. Maybe it was not a test I had that planned from day one.

We are Master and Slave , I control everything in our life , I control every move Arianna makes , from sitting , to eating, bathing , clothes , bed time , naps if I feel one is needed , to most of her clothes. I do allow free time , and I allow her to see friends and family as well , with a one weeks request.

I control her speech , she has now perfected speaking in thirds. Arianna never uses the words I or me. I do give Arianna full rein in the kitchen , unless there is something I want. On my days off I do a great deal of cooking , so it was not a maid or a mother figure I was looking for. I help out around the house when needed.

Right above Arianna’s click is my initial , perfectly shaved and has been there for more than two years , so while I am fucking her I can look down and see that I truly own her.

Now your thinking Vile you are abusive , how could you treat someone in this manner ? How can you be so cruel , and mean to someone you love ? How can you humiliate someone you say you love so dearly ? Oh I forgot the GPS tracker on her cell phone.

Well !!! Here is the thing , everything mentioned above was Arianna’s idea. Everything above was Arianna’s needs. Everything above is what Arianna needed in a M’s relationship. Arianna wanted to be owned property.

Being codependent does not make you weak , it does not make you dumb , or anything less. You know if your Codependent , you know your submissive , you know if your a baby girl , or even a slave.  It is your responsibility to find someone who has your best interest , someone who will accept you for who you are , but most important someone who understands you.

A couple of years ago Arianna had a small break down and one before that , and the other day we were talking and she made the statement she no longer had the ups in life, it was like she was just here.

So here are my thoughts and again this is only my opinion , I do not have a PHD but I do have a PHD when it comes to the lifestyle. I have met hundreds and thousands of Dominants , subs and slaves , I enter act with people in the local community, and I have spent a great deal of time with subs and slaves. One thing many had in common not all but many . Some suffered from depression , anxiety , Bi polar , and Codependency, again I did not say all.

I am really surprised the medical profession had not put 1+1 together. I am surprised the medical profession has not done more research on the subject.

So you have a stroke , a spinal injury from a accident , a nervous breakdown , they all have one thing in common , your brain now transmits information different. You can have a small stroke and be 98% okay in a short time or you can have a major stroke and you can no longer walk, the same with spinal injures and breakdowns. What happens now our brain now transmits information differently and sometimes slower. You can take medication to ease things but your never the same. It is not your fault , it is life and sometimes life sucks.

When does someone’s submissiveness start at what age ? At what time in life does someone realize they are submissive or a slave ? Many it begins from birth but it may take years before they understand their feelings , something happens in their life that causes changes , or something gets triggered, a movie , a book maybe a website , or just through general conversation. Something triggers it.

A Dominant is born it is very difficult for a Dominant who is middle age to discover they have a Dominant side and they now want a submissive. I am not going to say it does not happen it does and it is very rare.  I have met a few Dominants who entered the lifestyle at a later age and they are true, then I have met a lot of dick heads, who use the lifestyle as a way to abuse.

What many fail to understand is we area ll different , we all have different needs. We all react differently to different situations , we all handle problems different, we react different our thought process is different.

If you as a submissive or slave are emotional or maybe you suffer from depression then you need to tread on thin water, you need to be careful. Your mental state of mind is what is important. Being who you are is important, being free is what you need…

Codependency

Vike

Depression And BDSM

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, A Submissive's Home, abuse, Acceptance, anal sex, anger, Anger Issues, Argue, Arianna, ass fucking, bdsm, Bipolar, codependent, Commit, commitment, communication, compatibility, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, Depressed, Depression, Dominant, Dominants, Dominants who suffer from depression, Master, slave, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

You know I have been down and out in my life. I have hit rock bottom and crawled back up dusted myself off and hit the trail , not really worrying about where I was going , but making sure I did not repeat the same mistakes.
By the grace of who ever I have never been homeless, I have always managed to stay a float.

I remember i was 13 I am guessing , and when I woke up a bright light was shinning in my eyes. It was the police , and my parents had been in a huge fight , a fight that got pretty physical.
So my brother and I were taking to a foster home and we were there for about a week before being allowed to go home.

This was not something that was unusual , as a matter of fact it happened pretty often.

Although I was popular in school , some of the kids started talking about me because I had been wearing the same pair of pants for half of the year. I knew something had to be done.

We had a small restaurant across the street so I went and talked to the owner about washing dishes.
At 13 I worked from 3.30 pm until roughly 10pm on the weekends 11pm. Yup I was making 2.35 an hour.
The funny thing was it took almost a month for my parents to even know I was missing at night, and once they found out they wanted a cut.
Yea I am thinking not. I did however pay the power bill to get the lights turned back on, we had gone most of the winter without heat or hot water.

So in about two months my closet was full again, jeans , shirts dingo boots , yea I was pretty well set.

At the age of 15 I went to work at the local cotton mill, and I went from 2.35 an hour to 4.25 union wages ha ha ha.
On top of that I still continued to go to school and I made 170 bucks a week , and I had a plan it was just putting everything into place.
At the cotton mill I ran a huge denim sewing machine, it was about 15 feet wide and as long and when it was threaded it had 800 single threads making one huge white sheet of denim before being dyed. It was a total bitch if a thread popped.

At 15 I knew I was changing I had started dating and this is when the rough sex came into play.
I had read most of the smut books my dad had bought from local truck stops and they are all pretty violent. Girls gagging on 14 inch cocks being fucked up the ass, just all about humiliation. Okay so I thought we this must be the norm although I did not have a 14 inch cock.
As you guess I did not date to much, my pickens were far and few between, well I had Beverly but so did everyone else then a girl named shannon. I had a different level of respect for her so she was treated different than Beverly.

Then I turned 17 and a Army recruiter came to out high school one day and I was in.
My plan was coming together , I made the appointment took all the test , brought home the paper work and after dinner one night I told my parents I had to take summer school and I had some forms they had to sign to approve it.
Bam 2 signatures and I was ready to go. I was now in the United States Army.

The 14th of October I turned 17 , while upstairs packing my dad walked in and asked me what I was doing.

I said you know , its been nice , well not really but I am out of here, I just cannot live like you two do any longer. So it is time for me to say goodbye I hope things get better.
The shit hit the fan, well it to late you and mom already signed the paper work I am leaving today and Ill be at Fort Dix New Jersey tomorrow.
If you take one step towards me it will be the first time in your life a 17 year old beat your ass , now back the fuck off.

Well at the hotel downtown Atlanta I was told I was put on hold because I was 4 pounds under weight, fucking go figure. So for three days the army stuffed me with food.
Then on my way via train , and I had no idea what I was about to walk into.

I had started smoking pot around the age of 15 , that is before the scales got fucked up in the mid 80’s. I was living the dream , well what I thought was the dream. I tried to smoke all the weed in the world but I could never catch up.
The kicker was I managed to work and go to school. Although I knew a lot of people I had very few friends , that was mainly due to not trusting anyone.
You can learn so much from just watching and listening to your parents. It made me wonder why two people who seemed to hate each other so much would stay married.

I started people watching as a teen and I would just observe , and listen , wondering if their home life was as fucked up as mine. Little did I know this would help me read people.

Once out of the Army that is where my life really started to get out of control.
I was still smoking pot , my drinking was out of control and I was taking pills. You could hand me anything and I would take. I did not care what it was , I just wanted to get high.

My first job out of the Army was making parachutes for sky diving teams. The pay was awesome but my work ethics were not. That job was short lived. Missing work and the quality of my production.

The next year I jumper from minimum wage job to minimum wage job , trying to make ends meet.
Fired once again and now nearly homeless because I knew no one , I decided to head to Florida.

1989 I loaded my 1967 cougar GT and headed to Florida. Once in a hotel reading the local paper a job caught my eye. Maintenance engineer wanted industrial laundry , hmm now that sounds interesting.
So I spent the next few days putting my fake resume together. Instead of Air Defense in the Army , I was now an electrical Engineer who had worked at power plants.
I went to the interview, got the job and I gave a starting date of about three weeks later.

I spent the next three weeks getting cleaned up. I stopped drinking , no more pills , and no more weed dammit.
Standing on the beach at sunrise I came to the conclusion there has to come a time when you have to grow up. I was no longer 17 and I wanted more, and I knew there was more out of life than just getting fucked up.

A week into my new job the head engineer called me in the office , as I sat down he said you little lying fucker. All I could do is just sit there.
He looked at my resume and asked me if there was anything on the paper that was true, and my reply was my name and address.
I was thinking well here it comes but he said look I like you and I am going to keep you on but you will have to show you want to stay here and learn.
Three years later I was transferred to collegedale Tennessee as the head engineer of a industrial laundry facility. The only bad part was the facility sat right on a seventh day Adventist college. How fucked up can that be ?

I had never had so much pussy in my life , I was banging someone different every week.
Then came the day I was called in the office and I was questioned about my sexual activity which was really none of their business well besides being employees.

So shortly after I left and back to florida Back to daytona, still working for the same company but moved into a tracker trailer position, yup they sent me to truck driving school.

It did not take me long to realize I was against any type of manual labor, and my driving career was very short lived.

News paper add read Call Center Manager for major financial institution, hmm interesting. This meant new resume and a better one.

Us Army Director of Communications Ft Ord California , who were they going to call The base had been shut down, so I moved right into my office with about 350 employes under me. By this time the internet was alive and I spent hours researching my newly found job and spent the next 5 years there until the closing of the center.

The moral of the story above you can do anything. Just as Sir Richard Branson said , if your asked if you can do something , you always say yes then you learn how to do it.

Now on to Depression. I am not a medical Doctor nor am I am shrink , although I do believe many Dominants would make better shrinks. One thing we do well and very well is listen.

We not only listen we communicate very well , be it with our partner or out in the general public. As Dominants we tend to be in control more , not only with our emotions but our thoughts our anger, our surroundings.

We tend to be more in control , we love structure we love putting plans together. We love challenges, we love our minds being put through the test. I myself I crave solving problems, but like most Dominants we solve problems before they become a problem.
Putting something off becomes a problem so we or I handle things before hand.
I love being told I cant do something, I love being told something is impossible to do.

As Dominants we provide a stable environment, as Dominants we provide stability. As Dominants we provide structure, As Dominants we provide Love and communication. As Dominants we provide rules that will help structure ones life so our property may grow and continue to grow. As a Dominant we provide positive reinforcement. As a Dominant we provide advice and we solve problems.

Our role is just not in the bedroom, our role is not just about kink, our role is just not about punishing.
Our role as a Dominant is to lead and we have to earn enough respect so you will want to follow.

The CDC says An Estimated 1 in 10 U.S. Adults Report Depression.
I myself believe that number is probably twice if not three times higher,
the one in ten are those that are reported. I am sure there are many more that do not go report and people just live with suffering on a daily basis..

Okay so this is where some controversy is going to come into play and I am not trying to offend anyone here, and again this is just my opinion and I am basing my opinion on about 22 or 23 years in the lifestyle.

There are many who are submissive and slave who suffer from depression and other medical issues such as bi-polar , anxiety , it goes on and on, and most are on medications.
I did not say every submissive or slave so do not go putting words in my mouth, I said there are many.

The above is looking for everything I described above , the structure , security , the freedom of open communication , stability you get the picture.

If your Dominant suffers from any of the illnesses I mentioned , you are doing more harm to him than good. He has enough on his shoulders keeping his life straight without having to keep someone else in check.

As a Master who is Married to my Slave I now have two to look out for not just one. I make all of the decisions so what ever I decide effects both of us not just me.

A Dominant has to have the ability to think clear and be able to stay on a level emotional playing field.
Many Dominants who suffer from depression have a very low self esteem as with the novice Dominant I spoke about the other day.

The blog was I wish I was A Better Dominant.

Now if your in the relationship just for the kink, the sex and being spanked hey have at it, but a Dominant who suffers from depression can in noway provide a stable home with structure.

I have never at one time stated, Oh I wish I could be a better Dominant , I wish I was who you need. Those words have never come out of my mouth and they never will.

Adding that type of pressure to someone who has such an illness , is setting someone up for failure.

I am held accountable for my actions and I will admit my wrong doings. EH when and if it ever happens.
I am not cocky , I am no arrogant , I am not stuck on myself , I am confident.

If your looking to enter a D’s or M’s relationship and your looking for a Dominant that is one of the first questions you need to ask.
Do you suffer from any type of depression ? Do you have anger Issues ? Do you have drug or alcohol issues ?

If you the submissive or slave feels uncomfortable asking any of the above then you are not ready for a relationship.

If you suffer from any form of depression and your Dominant suffers from depression , how does that work ?

Those who do suffer from depression or even bi-polar you are not broken you just need a Dominant who has true patience. You need someone who is willing to dedicate enough time to allow you to grow.
You need someone who is going to understand your ups and downs. You need someone who is there to communicate with you , but knows when you need space.
Your in need of guidance and compassion , someone who understands you. More so someone who understands your limits, the train of thought pushing you over that edge.

Arianna had a break down right after we had met , but I knew if I invested time and I stuck with her through her bad times in the end it would pay off and today I am standing on top of the world.
I found Arianna a new doctor , a full change of meds and I go to her appointments with her and I speak up because I know she will not.

I have a very structured home, and to date we have not had an argument and that is due to our communication.

You need to change your game , before we would give someone three strikes and I see three strikes as being to many chances.

If you let someone run over you once they will do it again and again. If you let someone abuse you be it physical , mental or verbal they will do it again and again and again.

The new Dominant should be asking questions as well, your health , mental and physical. He should want to know everything about you inside and out.

In many cases sucking cock comes up first, do you take it up the ass ? Are you Bi ? Then you know your best interest is not in mind.

Depression effect people in different ways , but you all get those highs and lows, understanding you makes a huge difference.

You should want not only the world but everything on it.

You can be happy with depression in any relationship if you are in caring hands.

world2

Vile

I wish I Was A Better Dominant

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, anger, Anger Issues, Bad Dominant, Bad Reltionships, bdsm, cock sucking, codependent, Commit, commitment, communication, compatibility, consequences, control, Daddy Dom, Dominance, Dominant, Dominants, emotional, Master, slave, Structure, Submission, submissive, The Novice Dominant, The World Of BDSM, Train your slave with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 27, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I am sure many of you have heard these words or similar. I wish I was a better Daddy , I wish I was a better Master , or Dominant.

These words come from a novice who has bitten off more than he can chew. He has stepped out of the frying pan into the fire.

A middle aged man waking up one morning after finding ALT.com or some other BDSM site, now he wants to step into that relationship really knowing nothing about the lifestyle. He now wants to control someone , impose rules , look for reasons to punish, yell and bark orders , make demands you are not sure you can do , or possibly get into trouble.
He now wants to isolate you, keep you from family and friends.

The novice has been in the lifestyle now for 10 years or this is what he is telling you. He has trained many , and the relationship has failed because they lied to him, they were not real , they were fakes.

Your needy and he is greedy sounds familiar yes? He takes and takes and you give and give, but you get nothing in return.

A novice a week into the lifestyle is not the Grand Master of Masters , the Lord the Grand Pooba.

On your knees bitch suck your Masters cock, I will train you just keep sucking. I own you, and you have only known each other for a couple of hours.

This is the Dominant you can tell nothing because he knows everything. This is the Dominant when the relationship falls apart it is your fault , you did it, you were not true , how dare you lie about your submission.

You know a couple of months ago I tried giving someone advice and he laughed at me.
He then sent me a friend request on Facebook , so I excepted. A month went by and nothing not a word so I then deleted him.
Then out of the blue I get a Message saying let me know when you can talk, as in making some kind demand , like he was making time for me. He is now blocked.

The novice is like a leach it will suck the blood out of you until you pick it off and throw it away.

I am far from perfect , I have and would never claim I know all. What I know has taking me years to learn not months or weeks but years.

He wants his cock sucked but the minute you become needy or he finds out your codependent he wants no part of you.
You need to grow up , your acting childish , I am not going to put up with your games , that is right your now a game , and in the end the break up is your fault and your fault only.

If the Dominant cannot control his own life , his own problems , his own drama , how in the fuck is he going to help or control you. If his life is a complete fucking mess , you have to think what can he bring to the table to help me ?

The novice Dominant will lose their temper at the drop of a hat. You are now the stupid bitch , your a cunt , your making his life so fucking miserable. He cannot train you because your a fake your not real. He will scream and scream then he will come crawling back with his tail between his legs begging you to take him back.

I wish I was a better Dominant , I wish I was a better Master or Daddy , these are the words of a novice and a idiot. He has stepped into someones shoes and they do not fit.

You the submissive in the end are the one in charge , you are running the relationship and you are faking your submission.

All you have to do is think.

fight

Vile