Archive for the CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT Category

Consensual Objectification

Posted in bdsm, being used, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, Objectification, Slave, Slave being used, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , on October 27, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Yes it has been a while I know , but life kicks in , work has been busy , but more important keeping my home together. I know what you may be thinking when I say keeping my home together , its not a bad thing just a lot of work involved.

I have been working on this blog Consensual Objectification and sexual Objectification for a little while , but ive been gathering information and articles and waiting on permission to post someones information but Bam I got it.

Arianna and i were talking about this subject recently her views , my views and how we felt about the topic. Yea while I am going to share more of my views , I am just going to touch on hers just a little.

I am going to share my thoughts and why I feel Objectification is not a want for me but a need. It is a mindset I have to maintain in order to keep control. Now before you think anything Arianna is on board as a matter a fact it was her who brought it up.

At times ill ask he what is on your mind ? This helps me continue to understand where she is at. Then the word Objectification comes up.

This is going to be a very touchy subject for some and I thought about it for a split second if I should post or not.

 

Much Love to everyone who has dropped by , and if you email me and it takes a little time to get back to you again its life.

Vile

What Does She Get Out Of The Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Building a BDSM Relationshp, commitment, communication, compatibility, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, FaceBook Vile Woods, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Slave, Submissive, Training Arianna, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 19, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

This was a question posed to me last week while out . A friendly get together , One of my days I am able to get out and be me. Getting together with those who somewhat think as I do, a heavy sigh when I sit down and sip on my chocolate Latte , or is it mocha ? I know it is one Arianna always gets my drink. This week she was not with me , Arianna and out newest addition to our home were spending quality time together . Ariannas mother has been ill and had a heart procedure done on that Wednesday so rest was much needed as well.

I have been mentoring a new Dominant and at last it is someone who is truly interested in the D’s lifestyle, someone who has not only been listening but someone who is taking the proper steps in building a relationship.

There are several things that come into play when building a 24/7 D’s Or M’s relationship.

One being compatibility just because your a Dominant or submissive does not mean the one you met is right for you.  A lot comes into play , you may or may not want rules , your view on kink may be different, you may or may not like pain or humiliation , you may not want to give up total control. If the Dominant you have met has nothing in common with you then move on.

Being able to talk to each other not at each other, you can listen but not hear a fucking thing.

Knowing you have a open line of communication any time you have the need. Knowing you can share your feelings and not be afraid to. Knowing you can share your feelings and not worry about being yelled at.

Both having a goal in place , both having needs that have to be met.

When you first meet a new Dominant be it being introduced , maybe a dating site , maybe fetlife and you both hit it off you may want to see where things go.

One thing I try to explain to submissives or slaves he is not your Dominant he is a man and you are a woman. You have to set the lifestyle to the side and find out what you have in common. The Dominant has no control over you , nor can he make any demands.

On a normal vanilla date the man ask what kind of food do you like and the Dominant as if you take it up the ass? Do you swallow ? Do you get off on humiliation ? How do I know this ? I have been there I have done just that , I have played and I have used and when I grew tired I forgot your name.

Something I never gave much thought about was the impact I would have on someone by using them. I never thought about the emotional impact The impact if they were not stable in life , mentally. A few months or week can have a huge impact on someones life, and many times the submissive or slave will make several more mistakes before they find out they have been played. Then the one she connects , the one she begins a relationship with is handed the task of cleaning everything up, if it can be cleaned up.

What does she get out of the relationship ? I am older than she is I just cannot see what I have to offer, I do not see how I can benefit her.

Here is the tricky part , once you decide you want to take that step and try to begin a new relationship there are steps that should be taken. If at any time you the Dominant try to take any short cuts or look over something you will fail, you will crash and burn.

More so , both have to be honest with each other to a T, you cannot leave any skeletons in your closet. Things are easier to fix or deal with if all your cards are on the table. If you wait and something comes up and it proves to you be your fault or you lied , you are the only one to blame. If you cannot be honest and truthful you cannot be trusted, if you cannot be trusted you cannot build a relationship.

Codependency runs through out the lifestyle not all but the majority of those who are submissive are codependent. Being codependent is not a bad thing that is unless you happen to fall into the wrong hands. I read something not long ago where a submissive said she was feeling depressed and the reply from a Dom was , you just need a good fucking.

When I talk to a new Dominant who is about to enter a relationship , my first words are you’re whole life is about to change. You’re thought process is about to change, the way you acted , the way you speak , walk, act in public.

Then comes the dump truck , that will back up to you’re front door and start to dump. This is when you sit down looking at a puzzle in a million pieces and you have to put it all together. As you are putting together getting all the pieces to fit together you are looking and the puzzle is still growing.

I have yet to figure out why ? Most of the time a submissive will jump right out of the pan into the fire and just start spilling their guts and the Dom just sits there with a blank stare thinking what the fuck have I done.

It is like you have a hundred books in front of you all of them are open, here is the tricky part. Some are fiction but some are non-fiction and you have to be able to separate everything.

Once you have gathered all the facts and you have decided to move forward you can now put a training program in place. A training program that will be tailored to not only you the Dominant but to the slave or submissive. What worked training worked on one will not work on another. The same goes with rules.

As Dominants we have our standards when it comes to protocols public and private, we already have our structure in place and both will fall into part of the training.

I had mentioned codependency and the needy thing , while there are some who do not fall under either, I have found through out some 25 years most are indeed both.

In a perfect world and there is such a thing I know I am living it , in a perfect world there are many benefits a submissive or slave will experience.

What does she get out of the relationship , more so if the Dominant is older and in our lifestyle the age gap is pretty common.  An older Dominant for the most has settled down, the anger issues are out of the way, we have sewn our oats We are more settled and basically looking for the same thing a life long relationship.

Being in the right frame of mind , this is why we must communicate to make sure this is a need and not a want, making sure it is just not a fantasy or a sub frenzy. Communication I call just dating getting to know each other, finding what we have in common besides the lifestyle ….

The Submissive is seeking what most are seeking that is love and understanding, they are seeking acceptance. They are seeking guidance, and structure, and knowing someone wants to be with them because of who you are.

Being in the right frame of mind , truly understanding who you are and what your needs are. I would like to add LDR’s Long Distant Relationships seldom work unless there is an immediate plan for one or the other to make a move. If that is the case you should meet more than one. The submissive should be able to obtain references , check the local community. A good reason just recently a submissive move from Main sold everything she had moved in with a Daddy Dom and in thirty days time he set her out on the street with no place to go.

Training is for the good of the relationship I use to call training a form of Patty Hearst Syndrome, but as I grew older , now it is almost like rehabilitation a total mind reset, changing ones thought process.

You cannot begin training someone unless you truly know them, until you truly know the submissive inside out and it does not begin being physical.

The Submissive should have 24/7 access to her Dominant living together or even in a LDR this is most important if long distance it gives a sense of security.

If long distance know where your Dominant lives, know where he works , what he drives, after all he will want you to be transparent and he should as well.

Once you walk through the door and you drop your bag it is like you have stepped into another dimension, you will enter a whole new world. You the submissive has to be willing to adapt, you have to go in with a blank mind.

On the other side there is another Dominant and submissive, both who require no rules , no structure, no protocols and this is fine because if that works for you life is good.

When Arianna and I first met she was somewhat hesitant about entering a relationship with me because of the age difference. She had a bad experience with a Dominant who was much older than she was . He wanted the play and control but wanted none of the responsibility that came with the relationship. When Arianna first met him she was in a slave frenzy and trusted way to easy. After 6 months it came to a end but we had met just prior to the crash.

We talked or I let her talk because I needed to see where she was coming from and what her needs would be.

If you think about it a Submissive or Slave is looking for about the same thing someone in a vanilla relationship.

Trust , open  communication, honesty, , Loyalty , Someone who will not hurt them be it mentally , physically or verbally.  Knowing her limits will be respected. You can push someone over a cliff and the damage may not be repairable, or you could lose the trust you worked so hard to gain.

A good friend of mine a new Dominant asked the question what does she get out of it and she gets the above , but she gets so much more. Now she feels she has found home, she now feels she can be herself without being made fun of.

If you the Dominant leads with a fair but firm hand she will follow and follow with no questions.

Once rules are in place you cannot change to fit your needs, nor can you add more than one can take. Here are 50 rules and I want you to memorize them and be able to recite them back to me. This is unfair unless you the Dominant can do it. Very few rules are needed if you have protocols in place. Many have made fun of me when I speak about protocols but the fact is if you have in place and you are consistent you do not need that many rules.

If you the Dominant explain in detail who and what you are, then you have to maintain that status, so you need to be careful when you start explaining who and what you are about. If you tell someone what you need and expect you have to be able to explain what you have to offer and how you can benefit the relationship.

I explained the relationship is about me, when it comes to taking care of me, when it comes to sex everything, but I had to prove I would give back more than I would take and to this day I have proven that.

A true Dominant has gotten past the anger issues , a true Dominant is in full control , not only himself , but his surroundings , his home and his property. A true Dominant will drop what ever he is doing in a time of need. A true Dominant will listen with an open mind. A true Dominant will listen and care and find a solution when needed. A true Dominant will step up and take full responsibility. A true Dominant will put you first even when it comes to family and without question. A true Dominant who truly knows you , knows when something is wrong or about to be wrong, and will fix before things get out of hand.

I believe the Submissive should get way more out of the relationship than the Dominant does.

Arianna and I live a consensual non consent M’s relationship but and there is a but. This was all agreed on prior to entering the relationship . We entered the relationship as Master and Slave.

If you are both true to your word , if you are both honest and can communicate openly you will experience a relationship like you could never imagine..

Vile

 

 

Are You Consenting Or Are You Just Agreeing ?

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, choices and consequences, communication, Consensual, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, consequences, control, Daddy Dom, Dominant, Dominants, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, masochist, Master, Master And Slave, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 25, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

The words Consent and non-consent has been coming up a lot in the past month or so. Our lifestyle is probably the only Lifestyle where we need to talk about Consent, the do’s and the Dont’s . What can be done what cannot be done and what we are open to, and what is off limits.

When we are talking to someone be it a Dominant or a submissive , one of the topics that seem to come up early on is what are your limits? The limits question was something I stayed away from until I knew we could make it as friends. Because if we had nothing outside of the lifestyle in common why would I want to enter a relationship if the only thing we had was sex. Kink and sex only last so long, and all your doing at that time is filling a missing void.

So the common off limits are, no blood , no children, no scat maybe no golden showers , the list can go on and on. The thing is what ever limit you have you need to stand by it.

Many times when meeting someone we tend to get caught up in the moment , this is the one, he or she has to be the one, they know what they are talking about. That is not always the case. More often you are being told what you want to hear, your being told something that is so far from the truth but you buy into the words and not the knowledge. Once you figure  things out it is to late because your already caught up in the relationship. Once you agree to something it is almost impossible to retract what you said or what you agreed to..

I am not into Humiliation, and the Dom will say we you don’t really know because you have not been trained.  Or I do not do anal sex, well no one has done it right I can make it feel good. Everything is about consent it is about coming to an agreement and hoping to have the chance to enter a long lasting relationship.

If your not into pain , or you don’t like being face fucked speak up, because if you do not , you are just agreeing and your not consenting. This falls under how much freedom your willing to give up, the rules your going to follow. Are you Monogamous ? Are you Poly ? These are all consensual questions.

Poly is a huge thing if you are looking for a one on one relationship, many times these types of relationships you are kept apart and never see each other. I had thought about poly at one time, but reality hit me, why not just find one who fulfills are of my needs rolled up into one. I am not saying Poly is bad its just not for everyone, so if you agree to a poly relationship and your not poly you are just agreeing and not consenting if that makes any sense..

Arianna and I had talked about having a closed Triad with another female, and being Bi was not a criteria. Bringing someone into our home, and when I explained to others it was not for me but would be a sister for Arianna some thought I was crazy, but it was not because I needed more flavor that is far from the case I get anything I want when I want and how I want it without question.

We communicated about the process and what would have to take place, it was 100% consensual. As far as a 3rd it did not work out but it is what it is no biggy..

The Bottom line is if you agreed to something but your not all in 100% then that is on you. Theoretically if I just wanted to bring someone in, I have that right because our relationship is consensual , non-consent  but at the same time I have to worry about Arianna and what the effects would be.

Believe me there is someone for everyone in our world , there is someone who will fit your needs. If you are agreeing in fear of not having a relationship your doomed from the start, it will never last, if you agree just because your in fear of the relationship not working your training will mean nothing just as earning your collar.

As I said in my last post , what do you want to do with your one life ? How much of your time do you want to waste on something that is not going to work? How much pain do you want to endure if your not a Masochist ?

It is not your Dom or your Master who will have to adapt it is you, so there should be a lot of thinking, we all make choices we just have to see if the consequences out weigh the choices.

viledesire62@aol.com

50 shades

 

Vile

 

 

 

Being Masters Slut

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, adapting, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, choices and consequences, communication, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, consequences, Dominant, FaceBook Vile Woods, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, owned property, slave, slut, submissive, Submissive being used, Total Power Exchange, TPE, viledesires62@aol.com on August 9, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

Many hate those words , Slut , whore , Bitch , and many more but in our lifestyle to most those are really just pet names.

Each role in the lifestyle is different , each relationship is different , and the way you are treated is different.

Every Master is different , every house is ran different. I myself run a very strict home , but what is so awesome is the way Arianna has adapted to my surroundings , she has giving 150% and 150% 24/7…

Over the years my idea of owning a slave has changed, the way I wanted to train, the protocols I wanted, the control, but most of all the control. Although in the past in other relationships I had pretty much the same one thing always happened. I changed, I let my  feelings get in the way thus losing my control and respect.

About 5 years ago I went on what I will call a short sabbatical , I had a little depression going on or maybe just a lack of caring. I did not want to be around anyone , talk to anyone or see anyone. I needed time to get my life back on track and figure out what I wanted out of life.

I did know the way I was feeling and thinking it would not be fair to bring someone into my mess.. This was the time I had made contact with some people who was in the lifestyle in the Philippines. I had my passport in hand and already landed a job.

I met a slave and we played for about 6 months, I knew it was going no place nor did I want it to, I was still moving, then came the day I found out she was married and I cut all ties. I was not going to be responsible for her family breaking up if there was in fact any hope..

So I was introduced to Arianna and I have told the story more than once. After I first meeting I was intrigued and now I had some serious soul searching to do.

I knew what I wanted and needed it was finding someone who would fit my lifestyle and almost 3 years Later that would be Arianna , and today we continue to grow and expand our relationship as she moves deeper into submission.

I wanted a consensual non consensual relationship , many Dominants told me it would be impossible to find such a slave. I wanted full control, again I was told the same, and in the end all were proven wrong.

In order for me to get what I wanted I had to be willing to give back and many times I am giving back much more.

I am far from the romantic type although there are things I do that shows my appreciation. I am not one to buy gifts or flowers. This has been me for as long as I can remember.

I can tell you from an Owners perspective the Dominant has to keep the frame of mind that his partner is there for his use. Before anything the submissive is owned , they are property , they are there for pleasure and only pleasure. Once you lose that train of thought you the Dominant will lose control and respect. Once you show a different side you cannot go back because that thought is always there….

So as I mentioned I am moving in a different direction. Sometime ago I was asked to do a short story , which I did and it got one comment.
I went deep in my thoughts and while the story may or may not be true, thoughts as such do pass through my mind.
Total control, total usage no questions asked.
The Breaking Of Sabrina was meant to be one of many stories and some day they may come to light, I have not really gave it much thought.

Back on track now when most think about BDSM most see abuse , most see the female or male being abuse. My train of thought is there is such a thing called consensual abuse, consensual usage, consensual ownership.

The Non consensual side is a different story…

Life is full of choices which door are you going to take?

door

Your Slave Is Your Property

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, adapting, Adrenaline, are you submissive, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, BDSM Slave, BDSM Slave training, BDSM TPE Relationships, commitment, communication, compatibility, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, Consistency, Daddy Doms, Dominants, Master And Slave, molding your slave, Punishment, slave, Submission, submissive, Total Power Exchange, Total Submission, TPE, Training Arianna, training your slave, Training your submissive on July 27, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

Your Slave is not your maid , your slave is not your mommy, your slave is not your punching bag when you lose your temper.

This includes those who are submissive, Baby Girls , what ever you define yourself in the lifestyle, you should not be part of the above.

Those Dominants , those Daddy Dom’s and Masters who show the above behavior are very short lived, some learn from mistakes but most do not.

Much of my blog has been about abuse , I suppose it stems from having a soft spot when it comes to abuse when women are involved.  What I have learned though in the last three years is no one listens, I am of course speaking of those who are baby girls, those who are submissive, and even slaves. I will say the only ones who do not listen are those who are new to the lifestyle, those who are fresh meat, less than a year maybe two.

At times I share my personal email , I want to help , I thrive in that role.I love picking those up in need and showing them the right way, but what is most important is I never ask for anything in return. It is unfortunate most want you to fix everything without putting any effort into the cause. Most want everything handed on a silver platter and walk off into the sunset dusting their hands off acting like it was them who handled everything. Shrugs it is what it is.

I receive emails asking for advice , and after the first email I never hear anything back because it was not what they wanted to hear. Again it is what it is.

So I am going to be moving in a different direction for the most , moving away from the advice and the abuse blog , because every blog in that direction is time spent I will never get back. You guide those who truly want it , but you cannot fix stupid.

Most people are not really into the BDSM lifestyle , I think most fall under Kink and they want to be associated with the term BDSM , maybe it gives some type of validation. I would like to remind some that these are the same people telling those who do live the lifestyle they are wrong.

What if things were different ? What if three thousand years ago there were 12 Dominants and one Master who walked the earth teaching BDSM ? What if these 12 men wrote a BDSM Bible ? How would things be different today ? How different would our lives be ?

There are thousands of books that focus on BDSM relationships , while some of these books are good, and while some do have some good ideas , very few of them would actually help those in the lifestyle or those who are new to the lifestyle.

Those books just like my blog are my opinion and what works for me, those books are their opinion and what works for them.What works for someone else will not work for you because our needs and wants are much different.

As usual I am way off track so let me focus a little bit here.

It is funny my wife and slave wrote a blog while I was trying to finish this one up. Today with work and life if I do a blog it is stretched over 4 or 5 days.

https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/07/26/observations/

Arianna calls me Master , and Sir was something I earned, as she states in her blog , she did turn down my collar the first time I offered it to her, and I understood why. I knew though as long as I stayed on the same path there would come a time she would kneel and allow me to slip the collar on.

Although she does call me Master I consider myself to be an Owner, and Owner of property, we live a Total Power Exchange, consensual , none consensual.

Arianna speaks about how I support her, how I am there for her not just part time but 24/7 no questions. That is the role I not only signed up for , but that is the role I agreed to.

The love and only love of my life, but before being my wife and slave , Arianna is my property, I own her. As A Daddy Dom, a Dominant , Master or Owner you have to keep that frame of mind. There is no switch that can be turned off and on, the switch is in the open and locked position.

You as the Submissive , the slave when entering a relationship you have to be in the right frame of mind, you have to not only want to submit, you have to have the need to submit. You have to have the need to be trained, to be trained to fit someones needs and wants. You have to put all resistance to the side. You have to be able to communicate openly without fear, you have to be able to communicate your feelings and needs.

Day one until about six months into our relationship , Arianna still questioned me about my choices , she questioned me about the things I did that would effect our lives. Why did she do this ? I had not fully gained Arianna’s trust, she trusted me but not enough to fully give herself. She still feared giving herself fully. She had just been through a couple of bad relationships, and the Break down as well. Arianna had to know without a doubt I had her best interest in mind.

How did I win her over? I was honest, I told the truth, I introduced her to people I knew in the lifestyle dating back to 15 and 20 years. I communicated , but the key that un locked everything is I remained Consistent on a daily basis, on a hour by hour basis.

It was roughly about the first year into our relationship that Arianna received her first punishment. Think about that one year, I cannot just sit around and watch and hope Arianna breaks a rule, I am not going to waste my time with such little boy thoughts.

If you the Dominant or Master are spending more time punishing than communicating , then you need to sit down and think about your relationship and what is going wrong.

Either your training is or was not effective or your submissive does not take the lifestyle serious. Maybe it is you the Dominant who does not take your relationship serious. Maybe she is not submissive but just more into the kink, Maybe your not Dominant?

If you are one to lose your temper, if your one to scream and yell, if your one to get physical, you will never be respected and respect is not something you can demand.

A submissive emailed me about a new Dom she had met. One of his first rules was for her to call him sir, I simply asked if he had earned her respect and she never emailed me back….

So what do I get out of all of this you may ask? The truth is anything I want, when and how and where I want. Bringing back up the consensual , non consensual M’s relationship.

Still to date I can honestly say Arianna and I still have not had one argument, I have never lost my temper with her nor have I had the desire. This is due to our communication.
I am however ashamed to say she has seen me lose my temper in public and she actually thought I was going to jail, the security Guard had his hand on his gun, but in the end it was settled when I spoke with a different rep.

Being a Dominant is not an easy task , and that would be someone new as well as someone who is experienced. We are now looking out for two, so what ever decision we make now effects two not just one.

Your property should come first without question , I have stated this many many times. When you agreed to enter a relationship that is what you the Dominant signed up for, the good, the bad and the ugly.

trust

Vile

BDSM With No Emotion

Posted in 24/7, Acceptance, anal sex, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, choices and consequences, codependency, commitment, communication, compatibility, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, fifty shades of grey, https://ncsfreedom.org/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, https://www.facebook.com/vile62, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, NCSF, owned property, Owned Slave, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, sane and consensual, sex slave, slave, Structure, Submission, submissive, Thekinkyworldofvile, Total Submission, TPE, Training Arianna, viledesires62@aol.com on July 12, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I love comments , I love what others have to say, I love hearing their point of view, I love it when others share feeling and their thoughts. How ever if you are just going to Bash me your comment will be deleted. I am far from a professional writer and most of my post are done in 10 or 15 time slots in the early am of the hours.
Enough about that , from time to time I will get a comment or a question from a younger Dominant who is up and coming , while it is true we all have to start somewhere , that starting point is the beginning of a new foundation in our life…..

The early steps we take will be our paths for many years and we do not get the opportunity to change it that often , and if we do it really takes a lot of work, mainly because you pretty much have to reconstruct your whole thought process. Wow that is pretty deep coming from me.

Maybe sometimes we get caught up in life and screwed over enough we lose our emotions, we lose feelings or the ability to have feelings towards someone in a relationship. Maybe trust comes into play , maybe your not capable of feeling any longer, maybe your not able to trust.

No emotions no feelings when entering a relationship is not fair to someone who attempting to build a lasting relationship. This is where communication comes in and sharing your point of view, maybe leaving no hope of building something or maybe there may be light at the end of the tunnel.

Arianna and I met a Master some time ago who was or is looking for a consensual , non consensual relationship. We met up for lunch one day and he literally drilled us for a couple of hours wanting to know about the foundation of our relationship and what we did to make it work.

One thing I found odd is he would not really share much of his thoughts on how he saw his relationship , mainly because I think it was really dark and maybe I am better off not knowing. I would not of judged or thought his way was wrong , maybe I would of even tried to understand.

There are so many different levels of submission , and the same for those who are Dominants or Masters, from mild and no control , to the most , unthinkable acts one could think of.

I know from experience being a sadist at one time , very few sadist are capable of developing any feelings or emotions. While I liked I did not want to feel , because if I felt I would not of wanted to inflict pain and at that time inflicting pain was a need.

To date I am living the dream, it may seem like I brag a lot but it is really not bragging. I want to show others in the lifestyle your relationship can be the same if not better.

A Question that came up on the topic of Sex and submission was …

Again I’m pretty new to the scene so sorry if this is rude, but I thought in TPE the decisions were up to the Dom. Why would a third need to win over Arianna, doesn’t she consider your word final?

This is an awesome question and and yes in my home I have the final say the final word case closed. Looking deeper though if you have never known or felt love just ask me how deep my love for Arianna is. My last thought and night and my first breath when my eyes open.
Arianna is my responsibility and she not only needs me to make the decisions she trust me enough to know I will. What ever I decide effects both of us, and the outcome of any decision I make could make or break.

Talks of a Triad is still on going , and we are still giving it great consideration but it would really have to be someone special. You have to be careful when you bring someone into your home, because what you have built could come tumbling down out of control and no way to fix it.
While I could just bring someone else in and say to Arianna this is our new slave take it or leave it. While Arianna is my slave she does have the right to leave at anytime. This falls under the consensual side of things, and our relationship is 100% consensual….

Question….

1. Does there have to be an emotional component to a Master / Slave relationship? I’m very turned on by the idea of owning a woman and using her sexually as I like. However, I don’t feel like I could love such a woman, and I’d prefer she not love me either. The few women I’ve loved in my life were pretty amazing as-is and needed no correction from me, I’d have gained no pleasure from disciplining them. The desire to train a slave and punish her for disobeying is a purely sexual one. Is that unheard of in the BDSM world? Are there subs who get off sexually on subbing without expecting a dom to take care of their emotional needs, and who don’t expect him to be all sweet and romantic?

So your thinking a consensual non-consensual relationship which would be made during the negotiation process. Both agree or the slave would agree you can do anything to me without question or without future negotiation. That truly takes a lot of trust.

The answer is yes there are those out there dominant and submissive who are seeking relationships where there would be no feelings involved at all, purely sexual.
Here is where the problem lays, most but not all who are submissive to have a codependency problem to a certain extent, some more than others, then you speak about a slave. A slave requires a great deal of care, not only physically but mentally . While it is possible to have the type of relationship your looking for, you would have to do it without any type of connection between the two of you, there would not be a bond, nor would the slave truly be able to trust, she could trust enough to play but not trust enough to fully let go.
Training takes a lot of time and dedication , if you do not live together training is nearly impossible because you really have no control. You as the Master have to set down and define who and what you are, you have to know what you need and what you need out of your slave. Being upfront about your intentions, being open about your thoughts…

3. I am really, really turned off by the idea that the sub is really in control of everything, and that this all secretly for her benefit. That the dom’s job is to orchestrate every sexual encounter to be totally mind-blowing for her like he’s choreographing a Broadway show. No thanks. I want a woman who genuinely wants to be my property, a toy I use how I want, when I want (within her limits, obviously). So many submissives claim that the pride they feel in pleasing their master is all the pleasure they need, but then go on to talk about lovely spankings and reassuring hands. Really? Is he your master or your slave? Does he rub your feet too? 😀
Meanwhile I read some of your slave’s blog and, wow. You have her trained so damn well. That post where you face-fucked her til she puked and then you made her clean it up was the hottest, rawest thing I’ve read in so long. You are the first dom I’ve encountered who trained a sex slave that actually does what men want. None of that dainty Fifty Shades stuff, riding crops and silk blindfolds. How did you do it? I mean was she always into throat-fucking and painal or did you push her there? If you did it, you should write a book, man; you will make a million dollars. If you didn’t, where did you find her?!?

You know you speak of your turned off by the idea that a submissive is in control , and in most cases this is true. The Dominant will want something but will cave in under pressure. So the Dominant is in fact in control until the submissive Barks and the dom backs down. So in this type of relationship who is really the Dominant?

What your seeking can be found it will just require a lot of time and patience on your part and sticking to what you need in a relationship. Many who live the lifestyle are not truly 24/7 even though they come off as being , some even say you cannot live 24/7 and that is a crock because I do.
I control everything from the time we get up until we go to bed. Many claim they do not want that kind of responsibility but it is really easy to put a plan into place.

Yes Fifty Shades was a let down I did take Arianna to see it but instead of BDSM it was a love story about a Dominant who suffered from childhood problems and depression. There was no structure , no rules or any reason to why he wanted to do the things he wanted to do….

So how did I do it you ask? Well as I said above I had to define who and what I was. I had to have a clear picture as to what type of relationship I wanted. I have had relationships in the past and for the most all were good and we parted on good terms, but I was still looking for that definition.

The rules , structure and protocols you had for you last slave will not work for someone new, mainly because people are different, needs are different and we grow , we grow on a daily basis.

Once you start your training you have to stick with it, once you explain how the relationship will work and what you expect you have to stick to it. Once you change or give in you have lost control.

While sitting here I started thinking Arianna and I have what you would call a consensual non-consensual relationship. Our relationship was negotiated before we agreed to actually enter a M’s relationship. As I stated before when entering a relationship I would bend when it came to my needs but in the end I was not in a fulfilling relationship. My needs were not being met and I was not able to be who I was.

Many in the BDSM world view consensual non -consent bad many see it as an open door to abuse , and the term is mainly geared towards owners of property.
I suppose there are those who take the term to the extreme , but if you truly care about your slave or property surely you would not bring and physical or mental harm to them.

The basis of consensual non-consent is: “I consent for You to do whatever You like to me without future negotiation”. There is just the first consent. Yes, I consent to whatever is going to happen, without needing to further negotiate what is going to happen. Obviously, strong trust is involved.

There are many reasons why consensual non-consent is a common way for BDSM partners to play. It is a strong reinforcement of the power exchange, and it supports mystery, spontaneity and excitement from the unknown. Many people argue that SSC (safe, sane and consensual) takes away the ultimate BDSM experiences in exchange for relatively safe exploration.

While you can have a relationship without caring , or not having any emotions , that would also bring no connection and a lack of trust on the slaves part , not that it cannot be done. If you were to find such a partner the relationship would be based off of just lust and we all know those are short lived. In the end you put a lot of time into a relationship and when it ends you have nothing to show for it.

It may not seem like much when your 20 , or 30 maybe even not 40 , but there will come a time when you are going to need more , and your needs will out weigh your wants. Once you hit 30 time does fly….

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