Archive for the Conversation Category

Is There A Perfect Slave

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Rules, BDSM Structure, Breaking Rules, Building a BDSM Relationshp, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, Discipline, Dominant, Dominants, Health, Master, punish, Punishment, Safe, Safe and Sane, slave, Submission, submissive, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I am going to include a submissive as well , because I firmly believe you can achieve perfection in both a submissive and a slave.

It is us the Dominants or the Masters who set the pace of the relationship.
We are the ones who builds the forms , and we call in the cement trucks to pour the foundation.

Before any of this begins you have the plans to your relationship already drawn up. You already have an idea of the lay out of your new relationship.

Once the foundation is poured you can begin construction on your new relationship.

The problem with some builders they tend to cut corners to cut cost, and we know in the long run this does not pay off.

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Then we start with the frame work of our new relationship….

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These are steps that have to be taking in a new relationship as well.

It is up to the Dominant to make sure everything falls into place. So we watch and guide through the whole process.
We watch the start of the framing , the pouring of the concrete, then the framing of the new house. W have come up with the perfect floor plan to fit our needs, the lighting, the fixtures , and even the appliances.
We have a plan when it comes to the landscaping.
Everything just falls into place , until we stand back and we are looking at perfection.

Is there a perfect Slave or Submissive, the answer is yes. The perfection comes from the Dominant and his training.

Something I do not see much about is goals, goals within the relationship, and goals for the submissive or slave. In any relationship goals are very important and that is something that should be talked about prior to entering a new relationship.
Here in the next day or so I am going to make a post about goals and the needs of having goals put into place…
We are here to build something, we are here to build something great, we want ours to excel in life, we want to set goals for improvement.

goals

As we continue building our relationship , and we have poured the foundation, we have the framing finished now we add the finishing touch, and our home is complete.

house

Although our building is finished now we have the daily maintenance in order to keep it up.
This is the same thing in a relationship it requires daily maintenance, and that would be communication
Often in a D’s or M’s relationship the communication is one way , and that would be a Dominant barking orders, and in reality once you have everything in place the Dominant seldom has to bring anything up.

Some two years ago Arianna asked me , how am I suppose to learn? My answer was observe and listen , I want you to be able to anticipate my needs , and she thought I was setting her up for failure but that was not the case because today she does just that.

If treated right and shown love and that you care the Submissive or Slave will not only want to but will have the need to please.

If the the sub or slave is going to put you first in their life , they deserve the same in return..

If things are not going your way , if your sub or slave is not following rules , or your not able to train, or your just having problem in general, do not blame them.

You the Dominant needs to set back and reevaluate what your doing because chances are it is something you are doing. The Dominant is quick to put the blame on someone else, because it could never be him, but in fact most of the time it is.

Communication is the base of the relationship , but with communication comes positive reinforcement , positive reinforcement goes a very long way in building a relationship and this should be practiced daily.

Choices and consequences that is life , that is what life is about. We make choices and we have to face the consequences good or bad.

In a little over two years Arianna has been punished one time and only one time. I have rules in place and Arianna broke a rule maybe not on purpose but she did and to me it was something serious.
Today she knows although there are choices there are also consequences. A Sub or slave will strive for perfection , and that comes with positive reinforcement and communication. Although I do believe in punishment , it is seldom needed because the worst punishment to a sub or slave is knowing they displeased their owner.

BDSM is not about punishing your property , BDSM is about a stable partnership where you build up each other.

As a Dominant you should not have have to punish to prove who you are, your actions should be able to do that, you keeping your word , being honest , and staying consistent.

Again if your relationship is not going as planned , chances are the Dominant needs to sit down and reevaluate what your doing and maybe you need to change somethings up.

If you have anger issues or maybe your controlling you will need to fix those before you can proceed , so you can have a healthy relationship.
You should not take your anger out on your partner , you should not take your problems out on your partner nor your drama.

Believe it or not Arianna and I have zero problems our life is completely drama free. We do however have obstacles come our way , but I handle them, and we move forward , this is all part of the daily maintenance after your house is built.

We cannot expect perfection if we are not willing to build and keep up what we build.

submission

Vile

My Take On Online BDSM Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Aftercare, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Collar, BDSM Online Relationships, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Rules, BDSM Session, Bipolar, Collar, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, counselor or Psychiatrists, Depressed, Depression, Discipline, Dominant, Dominants, endorphin's, http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/, Humiliation, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Online Collar, Online Dominanrt, Protocol, Protocols, psychiatrist, relationships, Rules, session, slave, Sub Drop, Submission, submissive, submit with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I just read an excellent post from… http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

While I understood much of it there were a few things that were not covered so I wanted to touch base on somethings.

I myself have never been in a online relationship , I have tried and it does nothing for me.
I am strictly hands on and I have never had the desire to have an M’s relationship via the internet.

I have never been a picture collector as well . I myself find it very degrading and most will send pictures just to please , okay that is off topic.

While I can see how one a submissive or slave could reach that endorphin release at that moment and time , I would think that Sub-Drop would begin right after the laptop is powered off.

While I do believe Sub-Drop can be controlled it would not be able to be controlled if you were 500 miles away.

Sub-Drop requires a great deal of emotional understanding , communication and being physical , I mean as far as holding.
Communication is huge right after play or having a session, because you the Dominant wants to pick their brain. How do you feel right now ? What are your thoughts right now ? What were your thoughts during play? How were you feeling ? It just goes on and on.
To be online and then having to power off until the next session, I would imagine it would be pretty lonely.

While I can see the high and the thrill of remaining anonymous while sitting at your keyboard , I can see the downs as well as some dangers.

Even for a new comer there are things that have to be considered. Someones health , how stable are they? Are they taking any medications? do they suffer any type of depression? Does their depression go deeper maybe bipolar. Maybe they hurt themselves when alone or depressed.

I do know of many who have met online and while some have turned out good most have failed.

I have also found many online Dominants are single , and there has to be a reason. Maybe online is a bit easier, there is not as much responsibility when having an online relationship, you do not have the communication needs online like you do in a physical relationship. Then there is a lack of commitment , not having to commit causes less stress.

If one relationship does not work out then I see the advantage of moving on to another and being able to rather quickly.

Being able to remain anonymous means you can be who you want, but so can the submissive, and unless you know their mental state someone could get hurt.
I do know someone will not open up about something so personal online and what happens with the laptop fires up could not have a good turn out.

I have never figured out how you can own someone and just be online. I have never figured out, when people speak of an online collar.

You never really have any control. The only control you have is the control your being told you have. You have no structure or stability with in the relationship. You cannot enforce rules on any level, you are having to go by what your being told.

I do know most online relationships turn sexual in a very short amount of time, and the Dominant is soon demanding pictures and videos. That I never understood since that is not what we are suppose to be about.

Although as Dominants we should never be rescuers , we are here to help. In many cases although we do not have a PHD we are at times a psychiatrist , we are a best friend , we give advice , we communicate , and we offer options based on our experience.

We provide the stability a sub or slave needs in their life, and in a sense we make everything alright. We take away the deep pain and the feeling of not being able to feel.

I have a saying I have used for many years. Come and Let me hold you so I can feel your pain , and today I believe that statement to be true you can feel someones hurt, you can feel someones needs but more so you can feel love.

Like Ive said I have never had an online relationship and I am 51 years old. Ive never wanted an online relationship, again because I am hands on…

While I do believe you can learn a lot online, a submissive or slave can never lern, what it is like to be in a physical relationship.

I found a lot of good from the post ……

http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

I just wanted to add my side..

brad

Much Love Vile

We Are Moving

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, Bad Dominant, bdsm, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, Dominance, Dominant, FaceBook Vile Woods, Master And Slave, Rules, slave, Structure, Submission, submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , , , , , , on November 1, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Arianna has been commuting for over two years now, the first year was around 150 miles a day and the past year around 102 miles a day. I know how rough the commute has been on her so I wanted to fix it.

Six months and counting we have been looking for a place, the right place, and it had to be Arianna’s choice.

We now live in Deland Florida , 51 miles from Arianna’s work. Davenport Florida will be our new home, which is about 18 miles from her work, a huge difference.

A beautiful gated community with a nature walk which we will both enjoy but our new home is 1275 sf of living space, and very modern.
The updated kitchen was a need for Arianna , and what is important to her is important to me.

I mention something to someone not long ago, and I said if you want things to work out you need to have a plan , and I was basically laughed at which is all good.

As of now Arianna’s commute is about 55 minutes one way, and then the long drive home just getting into traffic.

The first thing I was or am worried about is her safety, and driving I-4 at 4.30 is the morning makes me a little uneasy, then the drive in the afternoon.
Her being tired at the end of the day after being up almost 12 hours also made me feel a little uneasy.

So it took us about 6 months to find the right place, but we did it.
Moving into an apartment will be somewhat of a challenge as well, but with the living space it is as big as our house now, it will be just getting use to people being around us.

I will make all the moving arrangements so all Arianna will have to do is pack up everything and decide what we are leaving.

That is what I meant about having a plan, be it moving or entering a D’s or M’s relationship you want the transition to be as smooth as possible.
If you do not have a plan it is like sending a blind man into a gun fight.

Although at times we as Dominants do require a helping hand, but for the most we handle things, we put everything into place, we make what ever we are doing simple.

Here is one thing I have not touched base on. I believe this is where a lot of arguing and drama starts.
Yesterday and today Arianna was upset, and maybe a little depressed, but more so the feeling of being over whelmed with everything that is coming up.
Nothing ever last and it passes I know this, Arianna is being Arianna , so I let Arianna be Arianna.

Instead of probing, and telling her nothing is wrong, or she has no reason to feel that way, we talk about it, and I try to put everything at ease.
If you go on the attack from the start , then you put your sub or slave in a defensive mode, and here comes the fighting.

I wish I could get someone to tell me a good valid reason why two adults should argue. Why two grown adults would scream at each other and call each other names. An angry mans words is a calm mans thoughts, just as a drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts.

If you know your partner well enough then there should be no reason to scream at each other. Two adults can have a discussion but to get angry nah that never works.

If you the Dominant are going to scream and call names what kind of Dominant are you ? Because if you have anger issues you still have much to learn about the lifestyle , and you really lack the communication skills to be active in a D’s or M’s relationship..

I get stressed as well, I even worry about things from time to time, I just show it different.
If there is a problem or an issue comes up my mind is moving at Mach 1, and I solve what ever has been placed in front of me. I may not always like the outcome but I handle it.

Clear communication is the key, clear communication will solve 98% of your problems.
With communication though comes patience and lots of it. Patience is something that has to be learned, just as being a Dominant.
Thinking before you speak it took me years, and I am far from perfect.

I am not going to take my aggression out on Arianna for something I did, nor am I going to put her down , when she is feeling down and out, because I know it will pass, it may take a day or even two but it passes.

I found it hard to believe I was laughed at when I made the statement you have to have a plan, and his life is all fucked up. At that time I opened the door for communication, I offered it was refused so I closed that door.

It is your property who is giving you what you need and want, she is the one laying on her back, sucking your cock and what ever else you dish out.

You the Dominant should not only have the respect, but the want and need to give just as much back.

submissive

So in the end you can just admire your property

Vile

If I Control Your Mind

Posted in abuse, Acceptance, anger, Anger Issues, Arianna, bdsm, being used, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, Depressed, Depression, Dominance, Dominant, emotional, Emotions, FaceBook Vile Woods, Humiliation, inhibitions, Master, Master And Slave, molding your slave, Patience, Protocol, Respect, Rules, Safe and Sane, slave, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used, submissive or slave has rights with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 15, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

How much of her submission do you want ? Have you ever wanted a Slave or submissive who has no inhibitions? Have you ever wanted a slave or submissive who is 100% compliant ?
Have you ever wanted a relationship where the word argue is not in either ones vocabulary?
Have you ever wanted a Docile pet, Baby Girl, submissive or slave ?
Do you want someone who will follow you without question ?

The truth is you can have all of the above and more. The bad news is it takes a little work on your part, the Dominant, yes you are going to have to put in a little effort.

You know I was chatting with a Dom on Facebook the other day, and he told me his life was basically a wreck, and when I told him he needed a plan, he laughed at me. He laughed and he meant it.

If you the Dominant enters a relationship and you are true about what you want and need, and your willing to put your slave or submissive first, dedicate the time that is needed, you can have anything you want, and I do mean anything, and without question.

Some of you are going to say dude your full of shit, there is no such thing as a relationship like that is there?
I am here to tell you I am living the dream, and you the Dominant can live the dream as well.

BDSM is not about pain or how many bruises you can leave. BDSM is not about humiliation. BDSM is not about barking orders. Most of all BDSM is not about demanding respect or submission, it is about earning both.

You can never demand submission, it does not work that way, but some have it in their mind, I am Dominant and you will submit.
You may luck out and find a submissive who is down and out with a low self esteem, who will follow you for a short time, and meet your silly demands, but that bull shit is so short lived.

Control, that word openings up a whole new world. If your truly in control of yourself, your life, your surroundings the moon is the limit.
Being in full control, you will earn respect, you will earn the right to be called Sir, or Daddy even Master. Those titles what ever they are worth are earned. If you have to demand they mean nothing, nothing at all.

So we go a little deeper, instead of telling someone to crawl to you, or having trouble enforcing rules, not wanting to follow rules.
Why not have someone who wants to crawl to you, or someone who has the need to follow rules, the need to please ?

A D’s or M’s relationship is really easy, it does not require any drama, , no yelling, no getting angry and losing your temper. Just being who you say you are, just doing what you say your going to do, and keep your word, and be nothing but truthful….

Being truthful will help you earn the trust that is needed, and earning the trust will also lead to submission.

One thing that gets to me, is a Dom will say you must always be truthful and he is living a lie. You cannot expect someone to be someone if you are not who you are suppose to be…

This strategy will not only work is a D’s or M’s relationship but much of this can work in a vanilla relationship.

We as men, Dominant or not, we have to value our partner , we have to respect and be thankful for who and what they are, because in the end they are the only ones who will have our back in a time of need.

If you control their mind , for the most as well all know BDSM is mental, BDSM is communication, BDSM is about control and not controlling, BDSM is about having patience, BDSM is about understanding and caring about ones needs.

Being able to fully understand your partner and what makes them tick.
Being able to let your partner rant or share their thoughts without getting angry. Being able to understand when they are feeling funky and just letting them alone for a while.
You would not believe how many arguments could be avoided by using this practice.

You have to learn when it is okay to ignore certain situations and when some needs to be addressed.

I screw everything up, it is all my fault, I did it, I cant do anything right. Come on you have all heard this.
There are times when you just stay quite and let things pass, instead of drilling to find out what is wrong.

I mentioned how important the journal is, this gives the Dominant a great tool to find out where his slave or submissive is coming from.

Communication, several times a day I ask Arianna what is on her mind. She knows this is free time, she can share her thoughts and we talk about them.
Even if it is something that was brought up before, we should be open to talk about it.
Well we have already talked about that so there is no need to bring it up again.
Sure there is and it may have greater importance this time around.

This is how we access the open communication. The slave or sub will feel they can now talk about anything and everything.
This is also a step in the right direction when it comes to trusting.

Although we want to know what they are thinking, we want to know why they are thinking it. I know it sounds complicated but it is really not.

I mentioned the first 90 days of training. The training process is more effective if the two are living together.
Reason being there has to be some form of consistency while training if not , the process can take much longer. The 90 days does not mean training is completed because it never really ends.
As we grow we learn, and the more we learn the more we share. We also want our property to grow as well.

Living together allows you to put rules and protocols in place and the Dominant can be sure they are being followed.

If you the Dominant are in the right frame of mind, your property will want to follow without question.

Getting into the mind that is where you want to be. You should know your property inside out. You want to learn things they have never told anyone else.

Whether you know it or not when you the Dominant shows anger this is a weakness, and it is a weakness they slave or submissive will use against you.
These are buttons that can be pushed and will be pushed. Anger controlling anger take a lot of control and self training.
You want to figure the slave or sub out, what makes them tick, their thoughts , their needs, but if they ever figure you out, it is game over, and showing your anger, and being abusive, be it verbal, mental or physical, you just might as well pack up your bags.
Being happy in a relationship is one thing, but a submissive no matter how happy they may be if they are not getting what they need, it will be found somewhere else.
I know I am speaking from experience. Once you lose that control, it is nearly impossible to regain, I know I lost.
The best way to start is to think before you speak, think about how it is going to sound coming out of your mouth.

An angry mans words are a calm mans thoughts, that is true, just like a drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts. So thinking before we speak, taking in that deep breath, really makes a world of difference.

The calmer your are, the more in control you are, the greater the submission will grow.

What many of us fail to see is there is no right way, we all have different needs, finding the right partner to fill that void is the right way.
The last thing we should do or want to do is try to change someone. We can improve but to change is not fair…

mind

Vile

BDSM And Drama

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Safety, Cheaters, Cheating Dominant, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, Daddy Dom, Dominant, Dominants, Dominants Protocol, Drama, Ego, emotional, Emotions, Humiliation, slave, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used with tags , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

First before I get started I wanted to share some breaking news.

U.S. airstrikes “are not going to save” the key Syrian city of Kobani from being overtaken by ISIS, said Pentagon spokesman Rear Adm. John Kirby.

Now on the good side of things. US Airstrikes were successful yesterday hitting ISIS targets.
The US hit 4 Toyotas a Chevy and a Hurst . While this may not seem bad. ISIS did take a hit on their credit score according to credit Karma. The 4 Toyotas were leased and ISIS did not have Gap Insurance. The Chevy was stolen so it did not count.
It also turns out the Hurst was the remaining band members of the Greatful Dead on tour in the middle east.

I would like to say I believe we are moving in the right direction.

I would also Like to apologize about a post I did last week.

If The Truth Hurts Go Fuck Yourself.

That post was not in my character , and I should have never posted it. I let someone upset me, because they Blasted my name out in a public forum.
While the outcome disappointed me it also did the same to Arianna. Acting out in such a manner is just not me.

The last thing you want or need when entering a new D’s or M’s or any relationship for that matter is a boat load of Drama.

It is not fair to you if you enter a relationship and someone just dumps their fucked up world in the middle of your floor.
Here you go now your part of all of my bullshit, for anyone to do such a thing is really self centered , non caring, and very selfish on their part.

If a Dominant cannot control his own life, how can he control you ? If a Dominant cannot take care of his own problems, if you have any how can he possibly help you ?

Any Dominant is in full control of his life, be it at home , at work, or out in the public world.
A Dominant will not show any signs of anger, or aggressive behavior. The more in control the Dominant is, the more you are going to be willing to submit, once he has earned your respect.

A Dominant who is not in control and has a lot of Drama will put all the blame on you. Everything will be your fault. You will be the cause of the problem is the relationship does not work.

Ego this seems to be a problem going around our Happy Little community. If your Dominant is ego driven he will never have your best interest in heart. You will never be his number one priority.

A Dominant who wants to share you has a huge ego and probably knows nothing about the lifestyle.

Before entering the relationship you have to put ground rules in place, and you need to stick by them. If being shared is a hard limit then speak up.

I spoke with a Guy last year who said before his slave could come back she would have to agree to a bare back gang bang, by the men he would choose.

So where does the concern about her health come into play? Is or was he really looking out for her best interest ? I would say no myself.

Being forced to be shared can cause you harm if not physically it could do so mentally as well, and you could end up dying in the end.

Keep drama out of your life , no matter the connection you think you have. Because if your relationship is causing you heartache , and problems there is really no connection.

drama

Vile

Do You Know What Training Really Is ?

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Argue, Arianna, ass fucking, Baby Girl, bdsm, being used, commitment, communication, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, cunt, Daddy Dom, Deception, Depressed, Depression, Dominance Through Intimidation, Giving Head, Humiliation, infidelity, married, Married Dominant, Master & Slave, Master And Slave, Meeting a Dominant for the first time, poly, Polyamory, Rules, Safe and Sane, selfish, slave, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 25, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Lets take cock sucking out of the picture, while we are at it lets take a rule out a lot of you have, or have had.
Your not allowed to cum for a month, or maybe even two months

The second I spoke about is pure ego, and nothing more. The you are not allowed to touch your pussy or cum without my permission was something I did when I was in my twenties. If I had come across anyone who had been in the lifestyle for anytime when I said those words I was laughed at. They knew then I was not a experienced Dom.

Before you begin your Training there are a few questions you need to ask yourself.
1. Is this lifestyle really for me? You know your own feelings, but much research must be done, before being able to correctly answer.
2. Why do I need to be trained?
3. What do I hope to get out of being trained by a Dominant ?
4. Just how far do I want to go ?
5. What are some of my limits ? You probably have an idea, but you also may need to explore.
6. What Type of Dominant or Master should I be looking for ?
Remember we are all different , we all have different values, and methods. Some are very strict, while some are not. Some have rules and protocols while some do not. Some want to see their property excel in life, while others will still care about you but you are more of a physical object.

These are just a few of the questions you need to ask yourself before you begin your journey. Know what you need is very important. Never let anyone tell you what you need, or how they are going to change you.

Meeting your new Dominant and taking an assessment should be done while you are getting to know each other. This covers many areas.
Your health should be talked about in depth, medications, phobias as well. Your work should be discussed, as well as family and friends.

Here is a list of health questions I used.
Do you have any dietary restrictions?
Are you allergic to anything? (Scene materials as well as common allergies)
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses? Dental bridges or hearing aids?
Do have any injuries that can keep you from service or play type training? (Neck, back, knee injuries)
Do you have any ongoing illnesses or chronic problems? What type of medications or treatments do you take for these?
Make a list of all the vitamins, herbal or nutritional supplements your take?
When was your last blood test and physical? Will you be willing to take a blood test or physical?
Do you use recreational drugs (including alcohol or tobacco)? What? How Often?
Do you have any addictions or are you struggling with an addiction?
Are you recovering from an addiction? Are you clean and/or sober? How long?
Have you suffered from abuse as a child? As an adult? (Physical, verbal, psychological, sexual, spiritual)
If so, are there any triggers that can cause you trauma now?
Do you abuse others, or have abused others, in the past? How have you addressed these problems?
Have you ever had any type of sexually transmitted disease? How was it, or is it, being treated?

All of these questions are very important, this is one of the ways besides communication you get to know someone. This will also prevent someone from getting hurt.

While there may not be a cure for many mental illnesses, I do believe that under the right house, and the proper structure , most can be kept under control, and managed.

Clarification. You will need clarification on the entire process. You will want to know what will be expected of you.

If you work or have children there will be limitations that will have to be put into place.

Just so you know this is not a Wham Bam Thank You Process. These discussions is something that should take place over time. This is a courtship, this is the getting to know each other time.
Go out to eat, catch a movie, long walks. The most important thing is to take your time. Communication is the most important thing in your relationship, but and there is a but, compatibility plays a major role.

Call me Sir, call me Master, call me Daddy, never fall for those demands. Each title no matter what should be earned and not demanded.

The RULE thing is never really clear, a lot of Dominants want to start out with rules before even entering a relationship.
Once your relationship gets to that point, when a Rule is giving out, there should be a clear explanation on why that rule is being put into place.

One thing I do and did, when I explained something to Arianna, I explained it in such a way there were no questions. Everything must be very clear.

It is also impossible to be told to memorize 30 or 40 rules. If the Dominant expects you to remember each and everyone , then he should be able to repeat them all.

We all have training ideas, but what works for one will not work for another.
The one thing you have to remember you are being trained to fit someone’s needs, it is you that will have to adapt to your new world, not the Dom.

In many cases you may need to be trained, looking for that structure in your life, or you may be perfectly fine, and your just entering a D’s or M’s relationship, at any rate you are still going to adapt to someone else’s world. Your life is going to really go through changes.

Some of the things that are important to us, is our family, we also need friends, you need to be able to go out, we all need down time.
During your negotiation part you need to make sure you will still be allowed to do the above.

If the Dominant you are meeting tells you he is married, make sure the spouse is okay with what he is doing. This is where it gets tricky because you cannot just take his word, after all if his wife says its okay for him to see other people, then it should be okay for you to talk to her.

He will come off well my wife is a bitch, she does not understand me, she does not fulfill my needs, she is always nagging.
Well!!! If things were really all that bad he would not be there.
I am staying because of the children. Yea that is a lame excuse.
He is cheating because she will not suck cock or take it up the ass but you will.
Remember you are now number two , and you will always be number two.
No Birthdays, no Holidays, no vacations, you are just a secret.

Training should start almost immediately once the two have agreed to enter a D’s or M’s relationship. The most effective way to train is while you are living together.
If your Dominant is a once a month warrior then you are not really going to get the whole picture.
This also happens when you see someone who is married, your in it for the benefits, and he is in it for the ass, and nothing more.

You the Submissive or Slave should have a good idea when it comes to what your looking for, and what your needs are. This is something you need to cover as well.
When you meet a new Dominant, and you are to intimidated or scared to talk openly about your needs then he is the wrong Dom for you.
A Dominant should make you feel at ease, relaxed. He should be easy to speak to, and not make any demands.
If you cannot speak freely and express your needs, how can you fully submit to him?

The first meeting all eyes should be on you. You should be doing all the talking, and the Dominant should have his total attention on you. If your shy he will keep the conversation flowing with questions
During this time he is taking in all the information. This is the time he is putting a training program together in his head.

Your question should be what does your training consist of? What do you think I will get out of your training ?

What are your protocols ? Are your protocols just private or are they public as well?

One thing I did, is I would request a journal be started something I could read everyday or week. I did not have to do that with Arianna because she had ten years worth of journals, so I really got a deep look inside her life.

There are rules and then there is sex. The two should never be mixed. Rules are meant to provide structure, and guidance.

A rule telling you to send a video on your anal training does not benefit you at all. You being told as a rule to send nude pics, does not benefit you at all.
If these are the things he is interested in, then he does not have your best interest in mind.

Being trained is real, and you need to be sure you are in the hands of someone who really cares about you. Someone who has open communication.
Our lifestyle is you are a True D’s or M’s is a mind thing. It is all about the Dominant getting inside your head, and having the ability to stay there, keeping you in that submissive frame of mind.

The first 90 days Arianna had almost zero freedom. She was allowed to call and visit family, she has a dear friend she was allowed to see, and of course work.
Other than the things above she spent 90 days learning Viles way.
Rules a few at a time, protocols, again Viles way, learning in service. Learning how to be a host in an M’s home.

The first thing I did, was introduce her to friends I had within the community.
Why did I do this? She has been in two Bad D’s relationships prior to me.
I told her I had been in the lifestyle for more than 20 years. So not that I had anything to prove, I introduced her to very close friends who had known me , here in the local community. This was a way to validate myself. I am who I said I was.

Any Dominant who tells you he has been in the lifestyle for 20 years knows people in the lifestyle, and he should be more than willing to introduce you to his friends.
99% of the time he will be active in the local community, if he is not then something happened.
It does not take much for a Dominant to get a bad name, and once your shunned , there is really not much he can do as far as meeting new subs or slaves, unless it is Via Collarme or something.
That should be a bad sign if he tells you he has no friends in the local community.
I know and I know others who need that interaction. We need to be able to talk to our friends, someone we can relate to.

There are warning signs to look for, and many times you see them but you over look them because you think he could be the one.
Well! he is nit the one, because there are thousands of ones out there, and if you settle for less than what you need, your relationship will be short lived.

Many Dominants who have no real life experience will try to isolate you, because they are still in the insecure mode. The married Dominant will even more isolate you, because you are his fuck toy on the side.
These are also warning signs you need to look out for, keeping you isolated is where the abuse begins, and once it starts you are the only one who can stop it.

You are a submissive you have the right to question, more so you have the right to say no.

Remember everything is a negotiation , this is when you talk about your needs, what you expect out of the relationship, as well as your limits.
You want everything out on the table, so there are no surprises.

Now the most important issues. What are you going to get out of the relationship? If you are not living together , how much time will be devoted to you?
Is the relationship going to be one on one or he is Poly? That is a very important question, if you do not ask he may bring it up at a later date.

If you are asked a direct question then give a direct answer, and do not tell something someone wants to hear, be honest.
If you ask a direct question you expect a direct answer.

If your going to submit, you cannot submit on your terms, if you happen to find a Dom who will allow you to do this , then what kind of Dominant is he ?

Also it is not that you will not have any say , but your whole thought process will be different, you are now in the follow position. The Dominant will lead you will follow.

When you first meet asking the proper questions, and giving honest answers would prevent so much drama and heartache. Many for what ever reason are to intimidated to speak up. If the Dominant has caused this, then you need to step away before even meeting him, so there is no connection.

You cannot gain a connection over the internet alone, well it can be done if both are honest. The truth is we can be who ever we want to be, and make you believe most anything without even meeting.

Married Dominants, they do not want a relationship with you. You will never be able to experience what the D’s lifestyle is truly like. You will never get that one on one attention you need, he will never be available when you need him, but he has agreed to take care of you, he has agreed to be there for you. The truth is that will never happen.
He will never leave his wife, his home, his cars, nor his children, nor is he going to part with his money.
Why would he leave he has the best of both worlds? He has everything at home, and someone who will suck his cock on the side. The truth hurts huh?

In the lifestyle training is for the betterment of the submissive or slave.
You have to decide if you want to be part of a growing relationship, or just a piece of ass on the side that no one knows about. The dirty little secret you cannot even talk about, because your married Dom is afraid you will blow his cover.
Sitting at home on your couch, crying because you cannot get a reply to a text is no way to live.
He cannot text because he is having a cookout with his wife and kids.
The biggest myth is you are the only one he is seeing on the side, if you believe this then you are dumber than your Dom thinks you are already, and yes he thinks your Dumb, he thinks you can do no better, and he thinks you are wrapped around his fingers, and when you leave after a year or so he will find someone to take your place. You are not an asset and never will be.
He will keep you until you become either to needy, or a burden to him. Keep your cock sucker shut and things will go as he had planned

This is why it is very important when a Dominant says he wants to train you, you need to get clarification on what he means.

You have the right to explain your needs, and you need to be sure they are going to be met, before you enter the relationship, because once his lies start they are never ending.

Training is meant to be one on one with no interventions. You should be the Dominants main focus during this time.
Telling you that you are not allowed to cum is not training , and I will tell any Dom or Master face to face he is full of fucking shit.

You calling him Sir, Daddy, or Master, and in his mind he is calling you an idiot.

Does anyone know the Definition of the word CUNT?
Cant understand normal thinking.

Men fall under this category as well it is not only women, because I meet stupid everyday, and I meet a lot of CUNTS

If you stay focused you will go far, if you stick to your plan you will go far. If you stick to your goals in life you will go far. If you make sure your needs are met you will go far.

The only way you can be trained is through someone being consistent, consistency is the KEY.

focused

Yours Truly
Vile

To Those Who Cheat

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Advice, anal sex, anger, Anger Issues, Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, Being fucked, being used, Cheat, Cheaters, cheating, Cheating Dominant, cock sucking, commitment, communication, consequences, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, Daddy Dom, Daddy Doms, Discipline, Dominant, Dominant Switch, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Fake Dominants, Lies, married, Married Dominant, Master And Slave, morals, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, sucking dick, Vile, Vile Woods on FaceBook, Wedding Vows on June 1, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I give my opinions nothing more , I may not be much but I am a man with Morals, I am a man with pride, I am a man who lives by the truth , but most of all I am a man who is loyal to the end.

I was stuck in a bad marriage for 9 years because I was at Bush Gardens one year and as I was sitting there watching all these married couples pass me by who had children , I started thinking man I am missing out on a lot. The wife, the kid the dog, the house with a fence, cooking out with the smith’s I was missing out on something very special.

Chong had just left maybe I was just feeling lonely, my feelings were mixed, my mind was going a thousand miles an hour. So I found a wife. To this day I harbor some guilt, not because I still love her, that is so far from the truth, but because I lead her down a false path, I made her believe I was someone else, and for 8 1/2 years I lived a lie. The longer we were married to more it tore me up on the inside, I was dieing to get the fuck out, but I was going to try one thing. I was going to come clean about who I was and what I needed. Well that did not go over so well, and being married to the church lady did not help the situation at all. So I was asked to leave, and it was not until after I moved out Bea and I came into play. Now I had met Bea on line but we had not met each other until I moved out.

We had a son while I was married he will be 16 this year, and here is part of my morals coming out. I have not missed a child support payment in 16 years, although it is court ordered it does not come out of my pay check. 16 years not one payment has been missed and for many years I paid twice the amount that I was suppose to because I knew how she was struggling.  Again part of my morals.

Part of my morals when we were married I took vows, and many of you wrote your own vows, you swore to stand by each other through thick and thin for better or worse. You said it looking into each others eyes, and your husband or wife believed you, they took what you said to heart and trusted you.

Now there are circumstances that comes into light than can change those vows, If you are being abused, be it mentally or physically.. If you catch your spouse cheating, that is the unforgivable sin in my home. I told Arianna first thing if you cheat make sure that is who you want to be with because that is where you are moving. I refuse to sleep with someone who has been where I lay. The unforgivable sin, if you fuck around you are dead in my eyes.

Okay so we change, we are human, our needs change, not wants our needs. We begin to age and we want more out of life, so this is where the communication comes into play. You do have the right to express your needs, you have the right to tell your spouse how you have changed. If your spouse refuses to comply or try, then you have the right to leave, remember the VOWS you took now, for better or worse.

So the female cheats because she is not getting her kink met, her husband no longer communicates with her, they are no longer on the same intellectual level, hes hanging with the boys at the bar. You have the right to communicate, you have the right to express your needs. What you do not have the right to do is let someone other dude bang you and then go home to the man who has built the roof over your head, the man who pays your bills the man who puts food on your table, the father of your children, because this other dude is not going to share any of that responsibility, he is there for the pussy. The bad news is, the relationship will be short lived and you will be back to square one. The truth is you will get caught it is not when but how. You have to think is it fair to drag your children into your mess, to drag your whole family into your mess. Is it fair to catch something you cannot get a shot for and pass it on to your spouse. Again you took Vows.

The male who cheats, once a cheater always a cheater. So his wife will not suck cock, or refuses to do anal. He knew this before he took his what ? His Vows he knew this ahead of time, but at that point and time it was not a need because he had a steady piece of ass, he was or is getting a steady piece almost every night but the one thing missing was the cock sucking, being able to get the ass. Now it becomes a need because you told him no. If you tell a man NO then he needs it, it is in bedded in his brain now he has to have it.

Now we have google, I found Bea through yahoo profile searches which was the best. all you had to do was go to profiles and type in submissive or slave and a million names popped up. I had the world at my finger tips. The internet is a powerful mother fucker, you can find anything, including a bitch that will suck cock. someone who will take it up the ass, someone who will crawl to you,and someone who will sit by their phone and wait for your text or call.

You found your married Dom your married daddy. He is married to the worst bitch in the world, shes a fucking cunt, she is worthless, she is a bad mother, he wishes he was not still married to her, but you saved him your just what he needs now. He has been assuring you he is going to leave, but the time has to be right.

The bad thing is you fall for it, and you wait and you wait and you wait, but it never comes , he never moves out, even though she is so bad. She will not communicate with him, she will not have sex with him, she does not connect with him, she is so so bad, but he never leaves.

The truth is everything is fine on the home front except the sucking cock part, or the ass fucking, being able to tie you up, being able to spank you, you know the little things his bad wife wont do, but she does cook clean, probably works as well, and takes care of his children. He takes them out, they go on vacations together, school functions, they have cook outs with the smiths, while you sit and stare at your phone.

I am telling you this as a man not a pissed off woman, I am letting you in on how a male thinks , because I do not want to see you be someones bitch who is just there to suck cock once or twice a month.

If his life was so bad and he was treated so bad, you know what ? He would leave. He would pack his shit up and move the fuck out no matter the cost. No man is going to stay where he is not happy its not going to happen. On the other hand if he can stay home and get ass on the side, he will ride the storm out.

You know 30 years ago if you caught something you could go to the doctor and get a shot. Today that is not true, and most of you do not enforce any type of protection, putting your own life in danger. In the end you will be stuck alone, and your Dom or daddy is still cooking out with the smiths.

Some men for what ever reason are just close minded, I know dudes who don’t even like blow jobs, I know dudes who think anal sex is nasty. Some men see tying you up and spanking you as abuse. Some are just that stupid. A woman can tell their husband here I am you can do anything you want, and they think your sick, they think you need help. Like you I do not get it nor do I understand it.

If your an unhappy submissive and you have talked to your husband and he will not come around, if your kink means that much to you then leave. If you need to submit and he will not fill that dominant role then leave, but you better hope the one you move in with is going to be able to provide for you on all levels.

To the women who are subs or baby girls, and your seeing a married man.. He is not going to leave his wife, he is not going to leave the stability he has. He is not going to leave the mother of his children There are a few who will very few, but you have to look at his side of the world can you fill the shoes his wife can, because everything today comes down to money. If his wife is making a hundred grand a year and your making thirty grand a year, go on think about it, or maybe your not even working, the odds are not there, but if your a betting woman, go ahead and roll the dice.

I am just ranting, if your being cheated on it is not fair, if your the cheater its not fair. Somewhere in your head or heart if your seeing a married man, you have to be thinking about his wife, the one who gave birth to his children, the one who has built what he has, the one who has stood by all his bull shit. How would you feel if you were being cheated on? In a way you are because hes banging both of you.

Remember all you get is one side of the story, his side. If he says she does not care what he does, then it should be alright for you to talk to his wife. Last if you think you are the only one he is banging, your really dumb.

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Vile