Archive for the counselor or Psychiatrists Category

My Take On Online BDSM Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Aftercare, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Collar, BDSM Online Relationships, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Rules, BDSM Session, Bipolar, Collar, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, counselor or Psychiatrists, Depressed, Depression, Discipline, Dominant, Dominants, endorphin's, http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/, Humiliation, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Online Collar, Online Dominanrt, Protocol, Protocols, psychiatrist, relationships, Rules, session, slave, Sub Drop, Submission, submissive, submit with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I just read an excellent post from… http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

While I understood much of it there were a few things that were not covered so I wanted to touch base on somethings.

I myself have never been in a online relationship , I have tried and it does nothing for me.
I am strictly hands on and I have never had the desire to have an M’s relationship via the internet.

I have never been a picture collector as well . I myself find it very degrading and most will send pictures just to please , okay that is off topic.

While I can see how one a submissive or slave could reach that endorphin release at that moment and time , I would think that Sub-Drop would begin right after the laptop is powered off.

While I do believe Sub-Drop can be controlled it would not be able to be controlled if you were 500 miles away.

Sub-Drop requires a great deal of emotional understanding , communication and being physical , I mean as far as holding.
Communication is huge right after play or having a session, because you the Dominant wants to pick their brain. How do you feel right now ? What are your thoughts right now ? What were your thoughts during play? How were you feeling ? It just goes on and on.
To be online and then having to power off until the next session, I would imagine it would be pretty lonely.

While I can see the high and the thrill of remaining anonymous while sitting at your keyboard , I can see the downs as well as some dangers.

Even for a new comer there are things that have to be considered. Someones health , how stable are they? Are they taking any medications? do they suffer any type of depression? Does their depression go deeper maybe bipolar. Maybe they hurt themselves when alone or depressed.

I do know of many who have met online and while some have turned out good most have failed.

I have also found many online Dominants are single , and there has to be a reason. Maybe online is a bit easier, there is not as much responsibility when having an online relationship, you do not have the communication needs online like you do in a physical relationship. Then there is a lack of commitment , not having to commit causes less stress.

If one relationship does not work out then I see the advantage of moving on to another and being able to rather quickly.

Being able to remain anonymous means you can be who you want, but so can the submissive, and unless you know their mental state someone could get hurt.
I do know someone will not open up about something so personal online and what happens with the laptop fires up could not have a good turn out.

I have never figured out how you can own someone and just be online. I have never figured out, when people speak of an online collar.

You never really have any control. The only control you have is the control your being told you have. You have no structure or stability with in the relationship. You cannot enforce rules on any level, you are having to go by what your being told.

I do know most online relationships turn sexual in a very short amount of time, and the Dominant is soon demanding pictures and videos. That I never understood since that is not what we are suppose to be about.

Although as Dominants we should never be rescuers , we are here to help. In many cases although we do not have a PHD we are at times a psychiatrist , we are a best friend , we give advice , we communicate , and we offer options based on our experience.

We provide the stability a sub or slave needs in their life, and in a sense we make everything alright. We take away the deep pain and the feeling of not being able to feel.

I have a saying I have used for many years. Come and Let me hold you so I can feel your pain , and today I believe that statement to be true you can feel someones hurt, you can feel someones needs but more so you can feel love.

Like Ive said I have never had an online relationship and I am 51 years old. Ive never wanted an online relationship, again because I am hands on…

While I do believe you can learn a lot online, a submissive or slave can never lern, what it is like to be in a physical relationship.

I found a lot of good from the post ……

http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

I just wanted to add my side..

brad

Much Love Vile

Are You Codependent ?

Posted in abuse, anticipation, anxiety, Argue, Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, codependent, communication, Consistency, consistent, control, counselor or Psychiatrists, Depressed, Depression, Dominant, It Is Our Responsibility, Master And Slave, self confidence, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , on August 14, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Arianna’s mother and I have a love hate relationship. I suppose it is the fact I control everything when it comes to her daughter.

Her Mother does know about our lifestyle just as my family knows. The one thing her mother knows is Arianna is in a much better place, and that she appreciates.

So the topic came up a couple of weeks ago, while her mother and I were standing in the kitchen talking, and her mother made the comment about Arianna being Codependent . Is that how your lifestyle works you make your women codependent?

I said absolutely not , as a matter of fact Arianna has always been codependent, either you did not see it or you just did not care. The same goes for her past relationships, if they did see it they just did not want the responsibility

So I looked at her mother in the eye, and I said Arianna is codependent but I have perfected it.

While it is true many who are Submissive and more so those who are slaves are codependent, not all, I did not say all, Many.

This part is not abuse or maybe it is. A Dominant with zero experience has no idea how to deal with someone who is codependent, and it quickly becomes a burden. So either you find someone who knows what is going on, and work it from there, or you just say I am sorry I bit off more than I could chew. Because the longer you the Dominant sticks around the more damage you are doing.

Here is a little known fact about the medical profession, more so  when it come to counselors and Psychiatrists.

They are quick to tell you what the problem is, they are also quick to tell you what you should do to fix it, but they do not tell you how to fix it. So all the Psychiatrists is in real life is a pill pusher, because if you can mask the problem, you are no longer a problem.

Everyone is wired differently, we all think different, our brains are wired differently, our visions on how we see the world are different. You can tell someone what the problem is, and what they should be doing, but your missing the main ingredient , The How To.

 

So either we as Dominants expect ours for who they are, or you leave, because if you do neither, here comes your temper, he comes the anger, and here comes the abuse.

There is no life coach who can change you, maybe for a short time, but the first time something goes wrong, your right back where you started, but this time your alone.

In most cases Dominants make better Psychiatrists than Psychiatrists do. Did that even make sense?

The only difference is we are not allowed to write scripts.

So your codependent, that is perfectly fine if you are in the right hands. Because a good Dominant will lift you up just enough so you can act on your own. Remember the Behavior Modification?

 Again not everyone in the lifestyle is Codependent, but when you look at the whole picture the majority are.

It is okay to be you, it is okay to expect someone to except you for you, and not want to change you.

The only thing you truly want is to be understood and loved.

universe

Vile

 

Being depressed Is Not The End Of The World.

Posted in abuse, Advice, anti depression medication, Baggage, bdsm, Bond, Change, codependent, communication, control, controlling, Conversation, counselor or Psychiatrists, Depressed, Depression, disable, Discipline, Dominance, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Fear, Health, Humiliation, Kink, Lie, Lies, life, Love, masochist, Master, Mentor, needy, non caring, Paranoid schizophrenia, Patience, proactive aftercare, problems, provocative, sadist, Scared, slave, submissive, TPE on April 19, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Your laying in bed one night reading erotica , and you stumble across a BDSM story. You find it intriguing, interesting. You go to sleep , and the next morning your thinking about the story. During the day the story you read really makes you think. Hmm maybe just maybe this is me. Maybe I am a Slave, maybe this is what I have been missing.

Books are a great source of information, but you are only getting ones opinion. The same if you are depressed and your seeing a doctor, you are only getting ones opinion, you see another doctor and more than likely you will get another opinion. Sometimes in life you have to take what you see, read, and hear with a grain of salt. The Story Of O is a great book. This is the story of ones life. It can give you ideas and thoughts on how you want your life to be, but the truth is you have to find your own Story. You have to start out with an empty book and write it yourself.

I will agree that many of those who are submissive or slaves can be late bloomers. There is a hidden trigger in your brain, and something just flicked the switch, now the search is on. In my time I have never met a Submissive or Slave who did not suffer with some type of depression, anxiety, maybe bipolar, you get the picture. There is a switch in your brain and something turns it on.

Something from childhood, may have happened at a very young age, and your brain has now blocked it, maybe abused at a young age. More extreme raped, or even molested. I have heard all of the above.

I was recently told by a Medical professional that someone who suffers from being bipolar and depression, as well as other mental issues, can live a very healthy life while in the lifestyle under the right conditions. Fucking listen, THE RIGHT CONDITIONS.

Stability is a major factor, a stable home. Structure, in a stable home. Communication in a stable home. The Dominant must try to understand the illness. The Dominant must take part in all treatment. The Dominant must ask questions, after all you are concerned about yours.

The Slave must be honest when seeing Doctors, counselors, Psychiatrist, you have to be honest. Never be ashamed of who and what you are. If you do not talk about your lifestyle, your treatment may not be effective.

I actually thought while speaking with this counselor, I was going to be hammered, I was going to be giving the third degree, just general conversation, but still when she began to explain how under the right conditions a BDSM lifestyle can be healthy. Again this was only ones opinion.

In most cases the Submissive or Slave will bond with one, that being the Dominant. She is looking for support, guidance, structure, and someplace safe and stable. They are afraid when out alone, at times they get manic, the anxiety  level is at an all time high, and mass confusion hits.

There are things a Dominant will have to do in such as relationship, if he truly cares he has to step up to the plate. You know sending your slave to the store cause Anxiety. So you have to make the trip with your slave. Most who are Submissive or a slave cannot handle confrontation, guess what the Dominant has to step up to the plate. If the Submissive or Slave makes a mistake, the Dominant has to fix it. The Dominant may have to make phone calls. The Dominant may have to do most of the cooking, stepping up to the plate.

If you are in the lifestyle as a Dominant just for the pussy, the kink, the physical abuse, you are really not going to give a fuck. What you are doing as the suppose to be Dominant is causing more damage, you are turning on more switches, then poof your going as fast as you came.

Very seldom do you see a Dominant as a late Bloomer. The majority of Dominants have been Dominant since childhood, it is in your personality. Once you become interested in the lifestyle , it can takes years to master your Dominance. As I have stated before I had a few great mentors. Today I have two I confide in.  To this day when I am speaking to an older Dominant you will hear me call him Sir, out of respect.

A man cannot wake one Morning and say I am a Master, that does not happen. You cannot wake one morning and be ready or willing to take on the responsibility of someones life. Be able to guide, put structure into their life, guidelines and be consistent it cannot happen. This is not old school talking this is common sense.

Most who are Submissive or Slaves tend to trust to fast. They truly believe they have found the one. Early on they spill their heart, they share all the good, the bad, and the mistakes they have made. You as the Dominant must take all this information in, you digest it, then you put your plan into motion.

I have seen Dominants use what has been told to them as ammunition, and at some point in the relationship they throw it back in their face causing more hurt. Why would you as a Dominant do such a thing, when you were trusted? The Submissive confided in you, the submissive was being honest.

We as Dominants must be supportive, we must encourage, guide, and walk hand in hand. Although in some cases we do have to allow one to stumble, not fall, at times we have to say Yes, we have to let one make a mistake. You cannot spend your relationship saying no.Even when they stumble we still need to praise the effort that was put into what ever the Submissive or slave was trying to accomplish. Positive reinforcement goes a long way. Stumble but not fall. If for some reason they do fall, we have to be willing to pick up, dust off and continue walking.

Here is the kicker, and this takes much thought. You as the Dominant are getting ready to enter a new found relationship. The Submissive or Slave has just spilled their heart. They suffer from all of the above. You know you are going to have to spend a great deal of time with yours. You may have to give things up in your life, bowling night, Bar night with the buddies, Because you now have someone glued to your side.

You are entering a relationship , you have to think long and hard if you as a Dominant want this type of responsibly, because once you start you are committed. You as the Dominant have giving your word. You will be there no matter what. The crying, the confusion, the midnight phone calls. You cannot complain because you made a promise and a commitment. You have said Play Ball.

Just like the Slave or Submissive the Dominant cannot read a book, if you are a true Dominant what you have is already there. A good mentor can bring the best out, but what you are taught, you have to take bits and pieces and put your own to work, your own style. The way you run your house, your own rules, and protocol. You have to be you.

If you are a Sadist, find a Masochist. Do not take someone who is not into pain and force one to be willing to explore your needs. Physical abuse is not tolerated, and that is what you are doing. Never force one to do something that is unhealthy. In many cases a Submissive or Slave will do things just to please, without thinking of the consequences. You as the Dominant may think everything is fine, when in fact it is not. They will not say anything and let you continue, and what you are doing is chipping away at wood, and eventually the wood will be gone.

Having an illness is not the end of the world for the submissive, they can lead a very productive life, under the right conditions. Please do not think that everyday is going to be cake and ice cream, because if you do you are living in a fantasy world.

You as the Dominate must step up to the plate it may be full or only half. When a problem arises you have to be willing to work through it. Most of all if you really care, you may have to adjust your whole life around the submissive.

It is up to the Dominate to dig deep, what kinds of medication? What are you taking them for. Listen to their story, take it in, digest it, and put it to good use.

You as the Dominant make have to make all the decisions, in everyday life. You have to be willing to accept this task. No matter what you must never complain. Take the Ball and run with it.  Most of all never use their sickness against them, never throw anything back in there face. If you do what you have built you have just destroyed. Everything you have built is now gone, you have to start from scratch, if the submissive will allow you to.

You the Dominant must be in control at all time, there is never a reason to yell, scream, argue, put down, degrade, abuse. You must be in control and not controlling.

Down time is very important. This is needed not for one but for both. I know once I put Arianna to bed, I take a deep breath and then and only then can I relax. This is my down time. It is good to suggest hobbies, allow them to go out for a day without breathing down their neck, the mall, a book store, or just taking a nap. Down Time is crucial and it is a need. This allows the Submissive or Slave to breath, relax, take in the fresh air.  You as the Dominant should suggest the down time, encourage. Allow some freedom, when they are out don’t be blowing their phone up . Allow them to have friends, see family Go with them if asked. Don’t make an excuse why you cant. Do not seem like you are thinking about their request just do it.

With the exception of a few illnesses you can have a healthy relationship. I would say someone who suffers from Paranoid schizophrenia would be a huge no no, unless you have been in a relationship for a very long time.

Most who suffer from any type of illness are visual people. You will see many times a submissive or Slave writing things down. This is the visual. When they are trying to make a decision you may have to communicate the logic part to them. Allow them to be visual encourage them. Writing things down they can see the pros and cons, talk to them about what they are feeling.

You can live a very happy life, if you the Dominant are willing to take the right steps. If you are there just to use, you need to sit back and think of the damage you are doing or have done.

One thing you cannot and must never do is remind the submissive or slave what you have done for them, throw back in their face well where would you be without me.

Karma is a Mother Fucker.

 

Vile

BDSM And Mental Health

Posted in abuse, bdsm, counselor or Psychiatrists, Cymbalta (duloxetine), Effexor (venlafaxine), Paranoid schizophrenia, problems, Protocol, Prozac (fluoxetine) Celexa (citalopram) Zoloft (sertraline) Paxil (paroxetine) Lexapro (escitalopram), Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, session, slave, submissive, Wellbutrin (bupropion) on February 16, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is a very touchy subject, but when considering a submissive or a slave one should think very hard before entering a relationship.

In today’s times I would say over half of the population is on some form of anti-depressant. This is not a bad thing, but I have met many who abuse the medication, and some who even sell what they are giving.

The most common antidepressants prescribed to patients are those belonging to a class called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs).

  • Prozac (fluoxetine)
  • Celexa (citalopram)
  • Zoloft (sertraline)
    • Paxil (paroxetine)
    • Lexapro (escitalopram) Other commonly used antidepressants include serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), which inhibit the reuptake of another neurotransmitter called norepinephrine, in addition to serotonin. This class includes antidepressants such as Effexor (venlafaxine) and Cymbalta (duloxetine). In addition, the antidepressant Wellbutrin (bupropion) is a popular choice. Wellbutrin works in a unique fashion, acting upon the neurotransmitter dopamine, and does not fit into any specific drug class. Like SSRIs, these antidepressants are popular choices because they have fewer side effects than the older antidepressants.
    • Before agreeing to enter a relationship the Dominant should take great care in getting to know the submissive or slave. The main factor being the Dominant , is the Dominant willing to take on such a task.
    • I believe many who are depressed are looking for acceptance. I also believe a Dominant who suffers from any type of depression  should avoid a D’s relationship. This is just my opinion. We as Dominants need to be in full control of our lives, public and private. We as Dominants need to be fully in control of our actions at all times. After all why would we want to drag someone into a place that we cannot control, much less trying to control someone else .

    Some twenty years ago I met Sherry, she was the first slave I had ever met. I knew she suffered from Manic Depression, but at that time I did not fully understand. If I had understood, I probably would not of even entered a relationship with her. Now that I look back much of the relationship might of been abuse, although I never did anything over her limits.

  • I have met very few who were submissive or a slave who were not on some type of medication, for depression or worse.

Arianna does take medication for depression, and this was something I did consider before entering a relationship. I had emailed her Ex Dominant and he even pointed out the fact about her medication. I took much of what he said with a grain of salt, because I had not seen or experienced what he was talking about. I will say Arianna is very emotional at times, but what woman is not or cannot be.

I can say this in the 3 months we have been together she has made a 360 degree turn around. Each day is getting better and better. This is due to the communication, the guidelines she has to follow, and the daily structure in her life. I call it a tight leash.

To enter a relationship with a submissive or slave who suffers from more than depression should be avoided. This is not fair to the sub or slave, and taking on the task of a Dominant could really wear one down. I believe for instance one who suffers from lets say Paranoid schizophrenia or worse should avoid a relationship that has anything to do with D’s or M’s. I believe someone who suffers from Paranoid schizophrenia does not have the ability to make clear and stable decisions when entering such a relationship. I also believe a Dominant who crosses that line, it would be considered abuse. I have been guilty of trying to enter such a relationship, but after much thought, I knew there was no possible way such a relationship could work, nor would it be fair to the submissive.

Also something to consider if a submissive or slave does suffer from some type of depression and they are seeing a counselor or  Psychiatrists it is best if possible to find one who is lifestyle friendly. Most in the medical field are not because they do not fully understand. Just because you read about BDSM does not mean you have an understanding of the lifestyle. One has to live the lifestyle to have any type of clue, so most in the medical profession are close minded , and are against one entering such a relationship.

It is possible to find medical professionals who are lifestyle friendly, and it would be best if both parties attended sessions.

These are just my thoughts and opinion. It does not mean that everyone is going to agree with me. I look forward to hearing from those with different opinions.

Image

Vile