Archive for the Depressed Category

She Was Tied To A Tree

Posted in Acceptance, anti depression medication, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, BDSM Rules, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, commitment, communication, compatibility, Depressed, Depression, Dominant, emotional, Emotions, fucking, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Mental illness, outdoor bondage, Protocols, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock on April 13, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

My first real rush , I was in my early teens and Bev and I were in the same grade. I remember after a Baseball game I sat with her on the bus and fingered her until we reached the school. We never really talked to much even though I would hang out over at her house , in fact she was more like a tom boy with a body built for sin.
Bev had come from a State home and her now parents were friends with my parents. Man if they had only known she was fucking everybody in school. I posted before about the teen whore , but now as I look back it was just a cry for attention.

I imagine many who are Baby Girls , submissive and even Slave are in need of the same , in fact I believe many are starving for attention. When you go into a relationship with that need it is very easy to be misled, and more so being taking advantage of. Your emotions can fuck you up and fuck you up fast, they will make you blind, and it has to be a fucked up feeling.

You know it is weird but it is almost like I am emotionless , I mean not when it comes to Arianna or close friends , but the reality is I really do not give a fuck.
I take care of my own and I expect others to do the same. If you spend your time in others Drama it drains your soul , and you become part of their cancer. I have said before I am unforgiven , I am not sure where that part of me came from, its just how Ive always been. You can be standing right in front of me talking and I see nothing and hear nothing.

People spend more time trying to be politically correct instead of speaking their mind. Acting like you care because when they are not around they are now the topic of discussion.

Growing up my dad has these fucked up Truck stop books. The slut next door, The town whore, you get the picture. Well at my age and zero communication with my parents , how would I know any different? At that age it is hard to differentiate fiction and non-fiction. So my thoughts were , women were merely objects , toys that were meant to be used.

Bev and I were like fuck Buddies and nothing more, when were fucking she would just ask if I wanted to fuck her ass. So this type of non relationship just justified my reasoning. In many ways Bev was just like the girls in the books I had read.

Bondage Sluts was a good book , well at that time it was, but it gave me a different point of view now, a whole new world had just opened up. Now I had to experiment , I wanted to be the dude in the book , and who would be best to play out such a fantasy ? Yes Bev she would be my first experiment.

I never told her what was up , during the week I had gone to the feed store about bought some rope. Leaving the house My dad asked me what my plans were for the day and I just turned around and looked and walked out.

Once out in the woods I took immediate control and I told her to strip. Once nude I looked around for two trees and instructed her to come to me. I took one arm tied the rope around one wrist and then the other. I took my shirt off and put it over her head so she could not see me.

As I stood in front of her and I knelt down and I just gazed at her I got the rush , chill bumps just went across my whole body, and I was thinking man what power.

I got up and walked behind her and I slipped my belt of folded it in my hand and with out a word right across her ass , and she said nothing. Then again and again and again and not a word.
At this point and time it had nothing to do with getting pussy , or getting my cock sucked it was the control I had over her, it was a total rush I had never felt before.

I am almost positive this is where my journey began , and it would be some two years later I would be introduced to BDSM while stationed in Korea. Although I did learn a lot there were things that were not fully explained , and it would not be until years later that I would learn of my many mistakes.

It is way to easy to play on someones emotions , and that makes it easy to take advantage of someone. Then it did not bother me so much but today I like to sleep at night. It took me years to learn communication was the first key. and that Horrible word I always use ? Consistency. That word goes with communication.
I knew how to get into someones head , but staying there was always the problem, and I did not know the difference when someone was emotional and needy and not.
I like the challenge , even when someone does not show any real interest. I love knowing what makes a submissive or slave tick. I like to be able to get in and knock on some doors opening each and every one.

If you go deer hunting and every deer is tied to a tree what challenge is that? Sure your going to brag but I can assure you , you will leave the tied up part out.

So it is always not the Subs fault, although it does make it pretty easy to put them blame on her , but after several relationships failing you would think , hey something is wrong?

There was a time when I was going though a slight depression phase , so I did what most would do or at least what I thought should be done. I dropped everything , and regrouped. I stayed to myself I did not date because I knew in order to have a successful relationship I had to be in the right place. I also knew it would not be fair to bring someone into my mess.
I moved and I rented this awesome one room cabin on the river. You know everything was in one big room, the living room , kitchen and dinning room , an old log cabin it was really cool. I would sit on the porch and just vegetate , really not even thinking about anything. I guess I was like defogging my brain ,trying to figure out my next move. This lasted maybe a year.

Once I had gathered my thoughts and I was feeling good again I moved into a house and I put a plan into motion. I sit down and made a list of what I wanted in a slave and I began to search.

I really hate hearing other Dominants play on someones emotions or feelings. I wish I could be a better Dom , I am really trying to be a better Dom, I wish I was a better Daddy. All of those words are really Pathetic. These are the guys who prey on the gullible , the insecure, not knowing what they are doing , or have a low self esteem.
This is also where the dude gets played , because his whole life revolves around one thing and that is pussy , and he is deer hunting , but he is looking for the deer tied to a tree. He does not want someone who has goals , or is independent , or has a self esteem, he is looking for the weak.

Reversed the sub feeds on the weak , getting her way , taking advantage of the so called Dominant , while making him feel in charge by spreading on demand. Playing with depression is a very dangerous game.

Okay yea there is medication , you can feel better , but the medication keeps you in check. Most who suffer from serious depression have daily routines , thus having structure in their life. If you add or take away from their daily routine you throw everything off balance , and it does not matter what type of meds your on it fucks everything up. Male or female to fuck with someones emotions when they suffer from depression can be a deadly game.

It was not long ago I had Arianna bound. I love the plastic wrapping you get from uhaul. You can wrap the entire body and they cannot move or get lose. I have a black leather hood I love using. Arianna was laying on the bed all wrapped up with the hood on, and I knelt and the same rush came over me. I was just thinking man what control.
I had every hole exposed to me and I could do basically anything I wanted , but that is not what I wanted I just wanted to admire. Admire my slave, my property , and my wife.

I love the Rush

rush

Vile

Depression And BDSM

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, A Submissive's Home, abuse, Acceptance, anal sex, anger, Anger Issues, Argue, Arianna, ass fucking, bdsm, Bipolar, codependent, Commit, commitment, communication, compatibility, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, Depressed, Depression, Dominant, Dominants, Dominants who suffer from depression, Master, slave, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

You know I have been down and out in my life. I have hit rock bottom and crawled back up dusted myself off and hit the trail , not really worrying about where I was going , but making sure I did not repeat the same mistakes.
By the grace of who ever I have never been homeless, I have always managed to stay a float.

I remember i was 13 I am guessing , and when I woke up a bright light was shinning in my eyes. It was the police , and my parents had been in a huge fight , a fight that got pretty physical.
So my brother and I were taking to a foster home and we were there for about a week before being allowed to go home.

This was not something that was unusual , as a matter of fact it happened pretty often.

Although I was popular in school , some of the kids started talking about me because I had been wearing the same pair of pants for half of the year. I knew something had to be done.

We had a small restaurant across the street so I went and talked to the owner about washing dishes.
At 13 I worked from 3.30 pm until roughly 10pm on the weekends 11pm. Yup I was making 2.35 an hour.
The funny thing was it took almost a month for my parents to even know I was missing at night, and once they found out they wanted a cut.
Yea I am thinking not. I did however pay the power bill to get the lights turned back on, we had gone most of the winter without heat or hot water.

So in about two months my closet was full again, jeans , shirts dingo boots , yea I was pretty well set.

At the age of 15 I went to work at the local cotton mill, and I went from 2.35 an hour to 4.25 union wages ha ha ha.
On top of that I still continued to go to school and I made 170 bucks a week , and I had a plan it was just putting everything into place.
At the cotton mill I ran a huge denim sewing machine, it was about 15 feet wide and as long and when it was threaded it had 800 single threads making one huge white sheet of denim before being dyed. It was a total bitch if a thread popped.

At 15 I knew I was changing I had started dating and this is when the rough sex came into play.
I had read most of the smut books my dad had bought from local truck stops and they are all pretty violent. Girls gagging on 14 inch cocks being fucked up the ass, just all about humiliation. Okay so I thought we this must be the norm although I did not have a 14 inch cock.
As you guess I did not date to much, my pickens were far and few between, well I had Beverly but so did everyone else then a girl named shannon. I had a different level of respect for her so she was treated different than Beverly.

Then I turned 17 and a Army recruiter came to out high school one day and I was in.
My plan was coming together , I made the appointment took all the test , brought home the paper work and after dinner one night I told my parents I had to take summer school and I had some forms they had to sign to approve it.
Bam 2 signatures and I was ready to go. I was now in the United States Army.

The 14th of October I turned 17 , while upstairs packing my dad walked in and asked me what I was doing.

I said you know , its been nice , well not really but I am out of here, I just cannot live like you two do any longer. So it is time for me to say goodbye I hope things get better.
The shit hit the fan, well it to late you and mom already signed the paper work I am leaving today and Ill be at Fort Dix New Jersey tomorrow.
If you take one step towards me it will be the first time in your life a 17 year old beat your ass , now back the fuck off.

Well at the hotel downtown Atlanta I was told I was put on hold because I was 4 pounds under weight, fucking go figure. So for three days the army stuffed me with food.
Then on my way via train , and I had no idea what I was about to walk into.

I had started smoking pot around the age of 15 , that is before the scales got fucked up in the mid 80’s. I was living the dream , well what I thought was the dream. I tried to smoke all the weed in the world but I could never catch up.
The kicker was I managed to work and go to school. Although I knew a lot of people I had very few friends , that was mainly due to not trusting anyone.
You can learn so much from just watching and listening to your parents. It made me wonder why two people who seemed to hate each other so much would stay married.

I started people watching as a teen and I would just observe , and listen , wondering if their home life was as fucked up as mine. Little did I know this would help me read people.

Once out of the Army that is where my life really started to get out of control.
I was still smoking pot , my drinking was out of control and I was taking pills. You could hand me anything and I would take. I did not care what it was , I just wanted to get high.

My first job out of the Army was making parachutes for sky diving teams. The pay was awesome but my work ethics were not. That job was short lived. Missing work and the quality of my production.

The next year I jumper from minimum wage job to minimum wage job , trying to make ends meet.
Fired once again and now nearly homeless because I knew no one , I decided to head to Florida.

1989 I loaded my 1967 cougar GT and headed to Florida. Once in a hotel reading the local paper a job caught my eye. Maintenance engineer wanted industrial laundry , hmm now that sounds interesting.
So I spent the next few days putting my fake resume together. Instead of Air Defense in the Army , I was now an electrical Engineer who had worked at power plants.
I went to the interview, got the job and I gave a starting date of about three weeks later.

I spent the next three weeks getting cleaned up. I stopped drinking , no more pills , and no more weed dammit.
Standing on the beach at sunrise I came to the conclusion there has to come a time when you have to grow up. I was no longer 17 and I wanted more, and I knew there was more out of life than just getting fucked up.

A week into my new job the head engineer called me in the office , as I sat down he said you little lying fucker. All I could do is just sit there.
He looked at my resume and asked me if there was anything on the paper that was true, and my reply was my name and address.
I was thinking well here it comes but he said look I like you and I am going to keep you on but you will have to show you want to stay here and learn.
Three years later I was transferred to collegedale Tennessee as the head engineer of a industrial laundry facility. The only bad part was the facility sat right on a seventh day Adventist college. How fucked up can that be ?

I had never had so much pussy in my life , I was banging someone different every week.
Then came the day I was called in the office and I was questioned about my sexual activity which was really none of their business well besides being employees.

So shortly after I left and back to florida Back to daytona, still working for the same company but moved into a tracker trailer position, yup they sent me to truck driving school.

It did not take me long to realize I was against any type of manual labor, and my driving career was very short lived.

News paper add read Call Center Manager for major financial institution, hmm interesting. This meant new resume and a better one.

Us Army Director of Communications Ft Ord California , who were they going to call The base had been shut down, so I moved right into my office with about 350 employes under me. By this time the internet was alive and I spent hours researching my newly found job and spent the next 5 years there until the closing of the center.

The moral of the story above you can do anything. Just as Sir Richard Branson said , if your asked if you can do something , you always say yes then you learn how to do it.

Now on to Depression. I am not a medical Doctor nor am I am shrink , although I do believe many Dominants would make better shrinks. One thing we do well and very well is listen.

We not only listen we communicate very well , be it with our partner or out in the general public. As Dominants we tend to be in control more , not only with our emotions but our thoughts our anger, our surroundings.

We tend to be more in control , we love structure we love putting plans together. We love challenges, we love our minds being put through the test. I myself I crave solving problems, but like most Dominants we solve problems before they become a problem.
Putting something off becomes a problem so we or I handle things before hand.
I love being told I cant do something, I love being told something is impossible to do.

As Dominants we provide a stable environment, as Dominants we provide stability. As Dominants we provide structure, As Dominants we provide Love and communication. As Dominants we provide rules that will help structure ones life so our property may grow and continue to grow. As a Dominant we provide positive reinforcement. As a Dominant we provide advice and we solve problems.

Our role is just not in the bedroom, our role is not just about kink, our role is just not about punishing.
Our role as a Dominant is to lead and we have to earn enough respect so you will want to follow.

The CDC says An Estimated 1 in 10 U.S. Adults Report Depression.
I myself believe that number is probably twice if not three times higher,
the one in ten are those that are reported. I am sure there are many more that do not go report and people just live with suffering on a daily basis..

Okay so this is where some controversy is going to come into play and I am not trying to offend anyone here, and again this is just my opinion and I am basing my opinion on about 22 or 23 years in the lifestyle.

There are many who are submissive and slave who suffer from depression and other medical issues such as bi-polar , anxiety , it goes on and on, and most are on medications.
I did not say every submissive or slave so do not go putting words in my mouth, I said there are many.

The above is looking for everything I described above , the structure , security , the freedom of open communication , stability you get the picture.

If your Dominant suffers from any of the illnesses I mentioned , you are doing more harm to him than good. He has enough on his shoulders keeping his life straight without having to keep someone else in check.

As a Master who is Married to my Slave I now have two to look out for not just one. I make all of the decisions so what ever I decide effects both of us not just me.

A Dominant has to have the ability to think clear and be able to stay on a level emotional playing field.
Many Dominants who suffer from depression have a very low self esteem as with the novice Dominant I spoke about the other day.

The blog was I wish I was A Better Dominant.

Now if your in the relationship just for the kink, the sex and being spanked hey have at it, but a Dominant who suffers from depression can in noway provide a stable home with structure.

I have never at one time stated, Oh I wish I could be a better Dominant , I wish I was who you need. Those words have never come out of my mouth and they never will.

Adding that type of pressure to someone who has such an illness , is setting someone up for failure.

I am held accountable for my actions and I will admit my wrong doings. EH when and if it ever happens.
I am not cocky , I am no arrogant , I am not stuck on myself , I am confident.

If your looking to enter a D’s or M’s relationship and your looking for a Dominant that is one of the first questions you need to ask.
Do you suffer from any type of depression ? Do you have anger Issues ? Do you have drug or alcohol issues ?

If you the submissive or slave feels uncomfortable asking any of the above then you are not ready for a relationship.

If you suffer from any form of depression and your Dominant suffers from depression , how does that work ?

Those who do suffer from depression or even bi-polar you are not broken you just need a Dominant who has true patience. You need someone who is willing to dedicate enough time to allow you to grow.
You need someone who is going to understand your ups and downs. You need someone who is there to communicate with you , but knows when you need space.
Your in need of guidance and compassion , someone who understands you. More so someone who understands your limits, the train of thought pushing you over that edge.

Arianna had a break down right after we had met , but I knew if I invested time and I stuck with her through her bad times in the end it would pay off and today I am standing on top of the world.
I found Arianna a new doctor , a full change of meds and I go to her appointments with her and I speak up because I know she will not.

I have a very structured home, and to date we have not had an argument and that is due to our communication.

You need to change your game , before we would give someone three strikes and I see three strikes as being to many chances.

If you let someone run over you once they will do it again and again. If you let someone abuse you be it physical , mental or verbal they will do it again and again and again.

The new Dominant should be asking questions as well, your health , mental and physical. He should want to know everything about you inside and out.

In many cases sucking cock comes up first, do you take it up the ass ? Are you Bi ? Then you know your best interest is not in mind.

Depression effect people in different ways , but you all get those highs and lows, understanding you makes a huge difference.

You should want not only the world but everything on it.

You can be happy with depression in any relationship if you are in caring hands.

world2

Vile

12/1/2014 Depression And DSM

Posted in abuse, bdsm, control, Depressed, Depression, Dominants, Master, slave, submissive with tags , , , , on November 30, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I started this post a couple of days ago.

I am going to share some pretty  deep things about  me and my life growing up.

I’m going to share how I lost everything and fought back.

Life is not  easy but  in many ways we create our own path , we control  our own path , we create our own problems but we can eliminate them as well.

We clearly choose our path in life our own destiny.

We have so much control but we as humans are always looking for the easy way out.

Life is not difficult , we make it difficult,  we create  problems and expect  others to clean up our mess.

Those of you who suffer from depression your not broken, your in need of a little  guidance and a lot of love.  There are those who need someone in control and there is nothing wrong with that.

The key is being with someone  who truly cares about you and wants to see you grow.

My life as a kid was not easy. I grew up in a very broken home. I grew up in a very abusive  home.

It is okay if you make mistakes,  mistakes  make you grow. It is up to you not to make the same mistakes over and over.

Man on top of mountain.

Vile

Goals In BDSM

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM and Goals, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Rules, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, Commit, commitment, communication, control, Depressed, Depression, Discipline, Dominants, FaceBook Vile Woods, Master, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, owning a slave, positive reinforcement, Protocol, Protocols, punish, Punishment, Rules, self confidence, slave, Submission, submissive, submissive blank canvas with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 27, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

We should all have goals in life and we as Dominants or Masters need to set goals for our property being Submissive or Slave.

The goals come from training , and again this is just my point of view , what works for me may not work for another Dom.

What makes our world so awesome is we can be who we want when we want. Our level of communication is just incredible.

As with anything though we all have to take steps. A new Dominant or Master has to take steps, it is a progression progress.

Where things blow up or get out of hand , an inexperienced Dom tries to jump in with both feet in the fire and it blows up in his face.

Just as we set goals for our property we have to set our own goals for us.
Where do we want to be? What type of relationship do we want ? Do we want a submissive or a slave? Where do we want to be a year from now ?
These are steps that we need to think about before we start walking. Yes that even means putting a plan into place and following that plan.

What is more important is when you set your goals you stick to them , and one by one you complete each goal, it is not rocket science and it is much easier than most make it out to be.
The downside of everything is it takes work because nothing is handed to you, no one can complete your goals for you.

So you can look and act like you know what your doing or you can look like a complete idiot.

Our partners , our submissive’s our Slaves should always come first no matter what. We put those who serve in front of everything else or anybody else and that includes family.

Honesty and integrity first and for most , we want respect but we have to show it first. We must be truthful from the start. If you start out your relationship with a lie then your whole relationship is a lie , and you can never go back.

One of the first things we tell someone we just met is , you must always be truthful, always tell the truth no matter what. We want honesty out of our property but we don’t want to give the same in return. Although one is Dominant and one is Submissive it is not a one way street.

Rules , Structure , Protocols and Goals they all fall into place. They key to what I just stated also falls under consistency , and being consistent on a daily basis.

You want someone to follow you , you want someone to submit to you , you want someone to turn over control, well buddy you gotta step up to the plate and promise you can and will step up and you will guide them every step of the way..

When we train we train to fit our needs, we train to fit our wants so it is only fair we give back more than we take. If we take a 100 % we should give back 150% and on a daily basis.

Goals are set for self improvement , goals are set to help in everyday life. Goals can be small or as big as going back to school.
Goals can be from getting up at a certain time, completing small task through out the day.

All goals should be met with positive reinforcement, that a girl , maybe some other small reward.

Some not all but some come with problems , be it self esteem , home life , daily life or just smothered in personal problems, maybe depression or other types of illnesses.
Before anything we should take the time to help mend what ever is going on before we enter the D’s or M’s aspect of the relationship.

The two should sit down and discuss goals and why they are needed. Goals how ever should not be a punishable offense. Goals and positive Reinforcement does not equal being punished.

You know I have spoken about how I had roommates prior to meeting Ariannna. I did so mainly because I wanted the company someone I could sit down to dinner with.

One the female who is a very dear friend was and is very sick, and suffers from depression, a lot of things going on. She head no insurance not physically able to work, so I set goals for her.

I walked her through each and every process. First I got her the medical attention she needed , I then made sure she went to counseling , medication for her depression , then a lawyer and last disability. All of these were goals and they were started and completed.
In the end she messed somethings up and lost some , but in a way it was her fault and in a way it was not.
Her Boyfriend is worthless , he is like a screen door on a submarine , he gives no support , did not even care until the day she was receiving her check from SSI.
Helping her is more of a burden to him not to mention the mental abuse.
I did what I felt I had to , and while there were road blocks we completed each task , until things fell into place.

If we set goals then we should be there to help , we should be there to guide , and give advice when needed.
You cannot treat a goal like a rule , because it is no longer a goal. Goals are meant for self improvement.
What we as Dominants or Masters want is to see ours grow inside and out, we want to build ours up , even if it means just maintaining their health , making sure they are stable.

Once you reach that goal you need to continue support, so we can maintain that level , and again that comes with positive reinforcement.

So if you are in a relationship and there are no such plans in play , and your relationship is just about rules and being punished , then maybe your best interest does not come into play…..

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Vile

The Mental Part Of BDSM

Posted in abuse, Arianna, bdsm, Bipolar, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Depressed, Dominance, Dominant, Dominants, FaceBook Vile Woods, Master, Master And Slave, Meeting your new Dom/Master, Mental BDSM, punish, Punishment, Rules, slave, Spanking, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

My very first experience was with a masochist. I had met her on yahoo going through yahoo profiles. A mother of three boys all who were in special Education classes and on medication ages 6 , 9 and 12. Sherri was Bi-Polar as well and suffered from depression.
I never even thought of having a relationship with her as a matter of fact that conversation never came up.
If it did I would of walked away , washed my hands and moved on. What is more incredible the seven years we saw each other I never fucked her , well her pussy or ass. Her mouth did take a lot of abuse though.

It was not about rules , there were none , there were no protocols , no structure.

The whole relationship was about pain and humiliation and nothing more . Belts , rods , canes , the single tail whip , tens units , fisting pussy and ass..
There was no communication at all it was about using and abusing. This is what she needed and if he had not been me it would of been someone else.

I was young and fairly new to the lifestyle , we my first Master and Slave somewhat of a relationship.

I was introduced to BDSM while stationed in Korea early 1981 maybe 82 I do believe , but it was not called BDSM.
I had a very good friend who was in the Korean Army and he was assigned to our platoon.
His name was Kim and they were called Katusa’s . His pay at that time was like 8 dollars a month and he sent half of that home.

My interest with being in control started much younger though as I have spoken about before, but the show I was invited to while in Korea really set something off….

One mistake many Dominant make Masters as well is we become to predictable, meaning our property figures us out. Once that happens you can slowly begin to lose ground on your control.

The Submissive or Slave is submitting with their mind, BDSM does have have to be physical , although the term Bondage , Discipline , Sado , Masochist. That you can see as being physical.

I believe 90% of the lifestyle is mental , getting in ones head , picking their brain. In order to do this you truly have to know your partner.

You have to know your slave or submissive inside out , and I have a theory about that.

You have to know all of the Why’s. The Why’s ! Why do you listen to a certain type of music? Why do you like dressing the way you do? Why do you like the foods you do ?
The list goes on and on. It was not long ago Arianna had a long talk about the brand of makeup she preferred and why she liked it. You may think this sounds stupid but it works.

What makes them think the way they do ? You have to know the Why’s , because if you do not you will never fully know your partner.

You need to set time aside on a daily basis so the two of you can just talk , I mean talk about anything and everything, on a certain topic or about the weather.
You want to know how their day went , How was work ? How was lunch ?

Women in general are not good about giving up information if something is wrong and this proves to be more so with a submissive or slave.

If you think something is wrong chances are your right, but if you ask and she says nothing, just let it go. You need to drop it and bring it up later.
By not dropping it and continuing with your questioning , that is where most of your arguments come from. Let it go and a little time later bring it back up.
You need to reassure them they can talk to you about anything. You need to let it be known your only asking because you care.

You the Dominant , when you start making demands your only causing a shut down, and that is not our goal.
When you start to demand submission , you cause a shut down, you want your slave to feel like they can speak freely about what is on their mind or any thoughts they may have.

While it is true a D’s or M’s relationship does not have to be physical , most have it imbedded in their mind that pain has to play a part in such a relationship, again we are visual , and if you google BDSM and click on images you see some bitch getting her ass beat.

Even when you speak of someone reaching sub-space it is always associated with pain , and I know myself that pain is not necessary to reach sub-space. Ia m not saying inflicting pain is a bad thing, but many will take what is giving just to please.

I myself want that mental capability , I want to know someone well enough to be able to draw them into that rim of play. While it has only happened a few times Arianna giggles while in sub-space.
Achieving sub-space is like a woman having an orgasm , it is not going to happen every time.

Knowing your property well enough to have that type of control is truly amazing.

http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Domination_and_submission_%28BDSM%29

Domination and submission (also known as D&s, Ds or D/s) is a set of psychosexual behaviors, customs and rituals relating to the giving and accepting of dominance of one individual over another in an erotic or lifestyle context. It is part of the BDSM group of paraphilias.

D/s is often referred to as the “mental” side of BDSM. Physical contact is not a necessity, and can even be conducted anonymously over telephone, email or (more recently) instant messaging services. In other cases it can be intensely physical, sometimes traversing into sadomasochism. In D/s, one takes pleasure or erotic enjoyment out of either dominating or being dominated. Those who take the superior position are called Dominants, Doms (male) or Dommes (female), while those who take the subordinate position are called subs or submissives. A switch is an individual who plays in either role. Two switches together may negotiate and exchange roles several times in a session. Submissives generally outnumber Dominants, with male subs outnumbering Dommes by the widest margin, often three to one or more. “Dominatrix” is a term usually reserved for a female professional dominant who dominates others for pay. It should be noted that a Dominatrix is not a prostitute, and sexual services are not usually provided. There also exist D/s relationships outside of the BDSM community, or where the dominance and submission is not sexual or erotic in nature, which are not referenced here.

Master/slave

In casual D/s relationships the sub only submits occasionally and with definite short-term goals, perhaps for an evening or the duration of a party.

In longer, committed relationships many people opt for the Master/slave model, in which consent is negotiated once for a long period and the consent given is generally broader. Slave contracts are often negotiated for a one year term, but longer and shorter terms are possible, lifetime contracts are rare but not unknown. Where the contract is in effect continuously, the relationship is referred to as “24/7”. The limits of the slave contract can vary widely and extend into other areas of BDSM. Some people opt to be purely “sex slaves”, while others who prefer domestic service identify as “service slaves”. Some slaves allow their Masters or Mistresses complete latitude as to the demands that can be placed on them. Such a relationship is known as Total Power Exchange or TPE.

People usually only enter into a Master/slave contract after they have known and played with each other for some time, often several years. It can be one of the most difficult relationships in the BDSM world to maintain, and requires special skills and experience.

The mental side of BDSM runs really deep , and i can tell you from experience it is not something I learned over night. This is more so with the control and even learning to control my temper. It took me a very long time to learn that communication was the base of the relationship but having the ability to listen and take information in was and is just as important.

Many inexperienced Dominants look to punishment as a form to run their relationship. They spend most of their time waiting on their property to break a rule. That is why most overload their property with to many rules, knowing there is no way in keeping things in tact, so yes rules will be broken and punishment will be giving, most of the time over something stupid.

That is not the type of control I seek or want , I want that mental control. I want to keep Arianna on her toes and not knowing what I have planned next.

Arianna’s rules are structured based , her rules are to help her in her everyday life. There is nothing sexual in her rules.

We as Dominants want to see our property improve in their daily life, we want to set goals and when goals are set we need to be there to help.

Although communication is the base of any relationship , I also believe positive reinforcement plays a huge role in a D’s or M’s relationship.
Positive reinforcement will also make communication much easier , your property will feel comfortable enough to communicate with you on all levels.

Just like during our play which has little to no pain , it is about the mental side. Blind folded and gagged , she has no idea what I am going to do to her. Most of the time it is very quite and this keeps her guessing even as the candle wax drips on her or just touching her. Sometimes the not knowing is far more effective than the pain.

Before entering a relationship it is far better to know someone inside out before making that commitment, more so in our lifestyle.

During play more so during S&M play the dominant needs to consider the mental side of the sub or slave.
Meaning depression or even bi-polar because a serious break down could take place and we are responsible for their well being.
This is why I highly disagree with a Dominant wanting to play on the first meet because there is no way he can know enough about the sub or slave and their mental status.
You can tell the difference in who cares and who does not.

Just my thoughts.

mental

Vile

My Take On Online BDSM Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Aftercare, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Collar, BDSM Online Relationships, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Rules, BDSM Session, Bipolar, Collar, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, counselor or Psychiatrists, Depressed, Depression, Discipline, Dominant, Dominants, endorphin's, http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/, Humiliation, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Online Collar, Online Dominanrt, Protocol, Protocols, psychiatrist, relationships, Rules, session, slave, Sub Drop, Submission, submissive, submit with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I just read an excellent post from… http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

While I understood much of it there were a few things that were not covered so I wanted to touch base on somethings.

I myself have never been in a online relationship , I have tried and it does nothing for me.
I am strictly hands on and I have never had the desire to have an M’s relationship via the internet.

I have never been a picture collector as well . I myself find it very degrading and most will send pictures just to please , okay that is off topic.

While I can see how one a submissive or slave could reach that endorphin release at that moment and time , I would think that Sub-Drop would begin right after the laptop is powered off.

While I do believe Sub-Drop can be controlled it would not be able to be controlled if you were 500 miles away.

Sub-Drop requires a great deal of emotional understanding , communication and being physical , I mean as far as holding.
Communication is huge right after play or having a session, because you the Dominant wants to pick their brain. How do you feel right now ? What are your thoughts right now ? What were your thoughts during play? How were you feeling ? It just goes on and on.
To be online and then having to power off until the next session, I would imagine it would be pretty lonely.

While I can see the high and the thrill of remaining anonymous while sitting at your keyboard , I can see the downs as well as some dangers.

Even for a new comer there are things that have to be considered. Someones health , how stable are they? Are they taking any medications? do they suffer any type of depression? Does their depression go deeper maybe bipolar. Maybe they hurt themselves when alone or depressed.

I do know of many who have met online and while some have turned out good most have failed.

I have also found many online Dominants are single , and there has to be a reason. Maybe online is a bit easier, there is not as much responsibility when having an online relationship, you do not have the communication needs online like you do in a physical relationship. Then there is a lack of commitment , not having to commit causes less stress.

If one relationship does not work out then I see the advantage of moving on to another and being able to rather quickly.

Being able to remain anonymous means you can be who you want, but so can the submissive, and unless you know their mental state someone could get hurt.
I do know someone will not open up about something so personal online and what happens with the laptop fires up could not have a good turn out.

I have never figured out how you can own someone and just be online. I have never figured out, when people speak of an online collar.

You never really have any control. The only control you have is the control your being told you have. You have no structure or stability with in the relationship. You cannot enforce rules on any level, you are having to go by what your being told.

I do know most online relationships turn sexual in a very short amount of time, and the Dominant is soon demanding pictures and videos. That I never understood since that is not what we are suppose to be about.

Although as Dominants we should never be rescuers , we are here to help. In many cases although we do not have a PHD we are at times a psychiatrist , we are a best friend , we give advice , we communicate , and we offer options based on our experience.

We provide the stability a sub or slave needs in their life, and in a sense we make everything alright. We take away the deep pain and the feeling of not being able to feel.

I have a saying I have used for many years. Come and Let me hold you so I can feel your pain , and today I believe that statement to be true you can feel someones hurt, you can feel someones needs but more so you can feel love.

Like Ive said I have never had an online relationship and I am 51 years old. Ive never wanted an online relationship, again because I am hands on…

While I do believe you can learn a lot online, a submissive or slave can never lern, what it is like to be in a physical relationship.

I found a lot of good from the post ……

http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

I just wanted to add my side..

brad

Much Love Vile

If I Control Your Mind

Posted in abuse, Acceptance, anger, Anger Issues, Arianna, bdsm, being used, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, Depressed, Depression, Dominance, Dominant, emotional, Emotions, FaceBook Vile Woods, Humiliation, inhibitions, Master, Master And Slave, molding your slave, Patience, Protocol, Respect, Rules, Safe and Sane, slave, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used, submissive or slave has rights with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 15, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

How much of her submission do you want ? Have you ever wanted a Slave or submissive who has no inhibitions? Have you ever wanted a slave or submissive who is 100% compliant ?
Have you ever wanted a relationship where the word argue is not in either ones vocabulary?
Have you ever wanted a Docile pet, Baby Girl, submissive or slave ?
Do you want someone who will follow you without question ?

The truth is you can have all of the above and more. The bad news is it takes a little work on your part, the Dominant, yes you are going to have to put in a little effort.

You know I was chatting with a Dom on Facebook the other day, and he told me his life was basically a wreck, and when I told him he needed a plan, he laughed at me. He laughed and he meant it.

If you the Dominant enters a relationship and you are true about what you want and need, and your willing to put your slave or submissive first, dedicate the time that is needed, you can have anything you want, and I do mean anything, and without question.

Some of you are going to say dude your full of shit, there is no such thing as a relationship like that is there?
I am here to tell you I am living the dream, and you the Dominant can live the dream as well.

BDSM is not about pain or how many bruises you can leave. BDSM is not about humiliation. BDSM is not about barking orders. Most of all BDSM is not about demanding respect or submission, it is about earning both.

You can never demand submission, it does not work that way, but some have it in their mind, I am Dominant and you will submit.
You may luck out and find a submissive who is down and out with a low self esteem, who will follow you for a short time, and meet your silly demands, but that bull shit is so short lived.

Control, that word openings up a whole new world. If your truly in control of yourself, your life, your surroundings the moon is the limit.
Being in full control, you will earn respect, you will earn the right to be called Sir, or Daddy even Master. Those titles what ever they are worth are earned. If you have to demand they mean nothing, nothing at all.

So we go a little deeper, instead of telling someone to crawl to you, or having trouble enforcing rules, not wanting to follow rules.
Why not have someone who wants to crawl to you, or someone who has the need to follow rules, the need to please ?

A D’s or M’s relationship is really easy, it does not require any drama, , no yelling, no getting angry and losing your temper. Just being who you say you are, just doing what you say your going to do, and keep your word, and be nothing but truthful….

Being truthful will help you earn the trust that is needed, and earning the trust will also lead to submission.

One thing that gets to me, is a Dom will say you must always be truthful and he is living a lie. You cannot expect someone to be someone if you are not who you are suppose to be…

This strategy will not only work is a D’s or M’s relationship but much of this can work in a vanilla relationship.

We as men, Dominant or not, we have to value our partner , we have to respect and be thankful for who and what they are, because in the end they are the only ones who will have our back in a time of need.

If you control their mind , for the most as well all know BDSM is mental, BDSM is communication, BDSM is about control and not controlling, BDSM is about having patience, BDSM is about understanding and caring about ones needs.

Being able to fully understand your partner and what makes them tick.
Being able to let your partner rant or share their thoughts without getting angry. Being able to understand when they are feeling funky and just letting them alone for a while.
You would not believe how many arguments could be avoided by using this practice.

You have to learn when it is okay to ignore certain situations and when some needs to be addressed.

I screw everything up, it is all my fault, I did it, I cant do anything right. Come on you have all heard this.
There are times when you just stay quite and let things pass, instead of drilling to find out what is wrong.

I mentioned how important the journal is, this gives the Dominant a great tool to find out where his slave or submissive is coming from.

Communication, several times a day I ask Arianna what is on her mind. She knows this is free time, she can share her thoughts and we talk about them.
Even if it is something that was brought up before, we should be open to talk about it.
Well we have already talked about that so there is no need to bring it up again.
Sure there is and it may have greater importance this time around.

This is how we access the open communication. The slave or sub will feel they can now talk about anything and everything.
This is also a step in the right direction when it comes to trusting.

Although we want to know what they are thinking, we want to know why they are thinking it. I know it sounds complicated but it is really not.

I mentioned the first 90 days of training. The training process is more effective if the two are living together.
Reason being there has to be some form of consistency while training if not , the process can take much longer. The 90 days does not mean training is completed because it never really ends.
As we grow we learn, and the more we learn the more we share. We also want our property to grow as well.

Living together allows you to put rules and protocols in place and the Dominant can be sure they are being followed.

If you the Dominant are in the right frame of mind, your property will want to follow without question.

Getting into the mind that is where you want to be. You should know your property inside out. You want to learn things they have never told anyone else.

Whether you know it or not when you the Dominant shows anger this is a weakness, and it is a weakness they slave or submissive will use against you.
These are buttons that can be pushed and will be pushed. Anger controlling anger take a lot of control and self training.
You want to figure the slave or sub out, what makes them tick, their thoughts , their needs, but if they ever figure you out, it is game over, and showing your anger, and being abusive, be it verbal, mental or physical, you just might as well pack up your bags.
Being happy in a relationship is one thing, but a submissive no matter how happy they may be if they are not getting what they need, it will be found somewhere else.
I know I am speaking from experience. Once you lose that control, it is nearly impossible to regain, I know I lost.
The best way to start is to think before you speak, think about how it is going to sound coming out of your mouth.

An angry mans words are a calm mans thoughts, that is true, just like a drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts. So thinking before we speak, taking in that deep breath, really makes a world of difference.

The calmer your are, the more in control you are, the greater the submission will grow.

What many of us fail to see is there is no right way, we all have different needs, finding the right partner to fill that void is the right way.
The last thing we should do or want to do is try to change someone. We can improve but to change is not fair…

mind

Vile