Archive for the discussion group Category

BDSM , Depression, And Those Who Are Cutters

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Anger Issues, anti depression medication, anxiety, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Rules, Behavior Modification, Bipolar, Collar, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, Discipline, discussion group, Dominant, emotional, Emotions, FaceBook Vile Woods, Health, Master, Master And Slave, Patience, slave, Submission, submissive, Total Submission with tags , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

It is no secret Depression is running wild today. 1 in 10 adults suffer from some type of depression.

http://www.cdc.gov/features/dsdepression/
An Estimated 1 in 10 U.S. Adults Report Depression

http://www.thementalhealthblog.com/2013/10/teenage-depression-and-suicide-statistics/

1 out of 8 teenagers are identified as having depression.
Depression is twice as more likely to affect females compared to males.
Approximately 20% of teenagers may suffer from teen depression before they achieve adulthood.
Around 5% of teens may experience major depressive disorder at any one point in their life.
30 percent of teenagers with depression also experience a drug abuse problem.
Between 20 to 50 percent of adolescents are affected by depression who have a family history of depression or some other mental disorder.
Depressed teens are more likely to have difficulty at schools and at jobs, and to struggle with relationship.
It is the sixth leading cause of death among the young children age 5-14.
Many adolescents with depression will suffer from more than one episode and 70 percent teens may have more than one episode before adulthood.
Teens with major depression seem to catch physical health problems more frequent than other teenagers.
In the United States, about 5,000 teens who experience depression commit suicide every year.
Most teenage depression can be effectively treated with medication, psychotherapy or combined treatment. Youngsters are more likely to react to treatment when they get it early in the course of their health issues

Now while I do not have a PHD, I am going to say these number are a little higher just because of the unreported cases there are. You may even be able to bump it another 3 or 4%.

There are over 5000 cases of teen suicide every years, and most come from families who suffer from some type of mental disorder.

Those who are in the lifestyle, the depression number run much higher. I am not sure what the connection between depression and BDSM are, but there is a clear pattern.

That is why if you are a submissive or slave, and you suffer from some type of depression, it is very important you find an experienced Dominant if you should choose to take that path. You need someone who not only cares about you but understands you.

http://www.teenhelp.com/teen-health/cutting-stats-treatment.html

Statistics on teen cutting are hard to come by because so few studies have been done on the subject.

Broad estimates are that about one percent of the total U.S. population, or between 2 and 3 million people, exhibit some type of self-abusive behavior. But that number includes those with eating disorders like anorexia, as well as those who self injure. (1)

A 2002 study published in the British Medical Journal estimated that 13 percent of British 15- and 16-year-olds purposely injure themselves. (2)

In the U.S., it’s estimated that one in every 200 girls between 13 and 19 years old, or one-half of one percent, cut themselves regularly. Those who cut comprise about 70 percent of teen girls who self injure.

Now these numbers are pretty old, so I am sure the numbers have grown, and will continue to grow, until someone mainly the parents be held accountable.

Since the majority of my relationships have been long term, well for the most, I have been with two cutters, those were chong and Bea, bea being the worse.

In both relationships I was able to help the two over come the cutting. Never at one time did I try to discourage the cutting, that is working against them and what they are feeling.
The thing I had to do was try to understand what made them want to do such a thing. Both gave the same answers it was a release, a release of deep inner pain.

Chong was really easy, she did not come from an abusive family, she had moved to the US at the age of 18, and had entered many abusive relationships. It was not long after we had moved in together, the cutting stopped. It was through hours and hours of communication, and listening to her, and showing that I cared, she slowly began to stop, it was not something that happened over night.
Chong suffered from depression, and was on no medication, but most of her depression was from having no family in the US and no one that really cared about her.
I got her in to see a doctor and one prescription of wellbutrin and in about 45 days she was a new person, she made a 360 degree turn around.

Bea was much different, what looked like the everyday go lucky family was not what it really was.
Bea was more of an introvert she felt out of place and only had one true friend, who was also a cutter.
Bea was forced to go to counseling, her mother would stand in the bathroom while she pissed in a cup, because they knew she was on drugs.

While in counseling she was forced to set in group settings, and the result was she never opened up. She ended up telling the doctors what they wanted to hear.
She was 18 when we moved in together, and I was 37, her parents went fucking nuts, but you know what I was now in charge.

I remember the first time I caught her cutting, I did most of the cooking, so dinner was almost finished and I walked in the bedroom, and there she was sitting on the bed.
I looked and said hey when your done dinner is finished. It was maybe 5 minutes and she walked out, we ate no conversation, then I instructed her to wash dishes.

Once finished I told her to go get her razor blade and she just looked at me. I said go get the razor blade now.
Once back we were sitting on the couch and I asked her, where is the place that feels the best, and she pointed to her thigh. I pulled my pants off and told her to hand me the blade and she looked at me confused.

I took the blade from her and I started to cut myself and her hand stopped me. I pushed it back and I cut my inner thigh. Fucking ouch, wow that shit hurts what the fuck. Bea said you don’t understand , my reply was I understand more than you think.

It started around the 5th grade she was blamed for everything, she could do nothing right. Her parents would fight every night, screaming and yelling calling each other names, but they failed to see was the toll they were taking on their daughter.

What is that around your neck ? She said your collar. What does that mean? It means you own me. What do I own ? You own all of me. Inside out correct? Yes Master inside out.

Positive reinforcement is the greatest drug in the world. Showing someone they are loved and cared for is the greatest drug in the world, communication is the greatest drug in the world, and the funny thing is all of those prescriptions are free, no doctor needed.

The more we communicated, the more she trusted me. It was not long she began to open up to me and sure enough she had been molested by a family member when she was around the age of 5. Ahhh the root, every problem has a root, and she never trusted anyone enough to share that root until now. The abuse went on for about 4 years.
I found out in six months what her parents could not find out in 18 years, all they knew was it was her fault and only her fault. Someone had to take one for the team and it might as well be her.

some eight months into the relationship we were talking and she just busted out laughing. I was in total shock because I had never even seen her smile.

I started with small rewards for not cutting. Dinner dates, movies, long drives, and at times clothes.

Even though our split was somewhat messed up, I understood why she left the way she did, its all good.

Today she is a teacher, married with two kids, so yea I did okay..

Every problem has a root, and if you just medicate the problem they never get better. Group setting do not always work, because if they do open up, it is a false door they are opening. You are being told what you want to hear.
Trust is the same in everyone it takes time, and if they do not trust like I said when you open the door it goes no where.

So now today if you Google BDSM and mental health there are very few negative articles, in fact most are positive when it comes to the lifestyle and it is consensual.

I have spoken to two of Arianna’s doctors and both agreed the lifestyle we are living is good for arianna and beneficial for her as well. Living in a structured home with love and no drama. That is two out of two.

The parents need to take a bigger role in not only their children, but as a family. There has to be a time in the evening when all TV’s and cell phones are cut off, and you talk, but you talk and you listen.

The parents may even have to look for other work if your out of the home more than 45 or 50 hours a week

Don’t get me wrong the teen has to be held accountable but only if they should be not because it is easier. Today it is much easier to bring in the Xbox or the play station, than it is to take the responsibility that parents should.
The thing most parents forget is they did not ask to be brought into this world, you Mom and Dad brought them in.

So you look at the suicides , and the shootings at the schools, there was something wrong, something bad wrong, and the parents were to blind to see.

BDSM

In my view is healthy again I do not have a PHD but many times you can have a PHD and still be a fucking dumb ass.

If you the submissive are in a well structured home, with rules that really benefit you. You have an open line of communication, and you trust I mean really trust, you can live a healthy life and be happy.
You may not find yourself jumping up and down with joy, but you will feel stability in your life.
Consensual is the key word, and being with someone who understands you. That means you have to be honest and upfront about all of your problems.

If your with a Dominant and this topic does not come up, then he does not have your best interest in mind..

cutter1

Vile

Why a Slave and not a Submissive

Posted in 24/7, bdsm, Bestslavetraining.com, Bond, Busy, chain, Change, codependent, Collars, Consensual, control, Conversation, Discipline, discussion group, Dominants, emotional, events, Friends, life, Master, Masters, molding your slave, munchs, needy, Open Minded, Protocol, relationships, Respect, Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, slave, Task, Text, TPE, training your slave on January 8, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

 

Once I fully recovered from my break up with Bea, I began to search yet again for the one. The one who was suppose to fill that void. The one who was suppose to be my best friend and submissive.
It is funny to a submissive I am very strict, almost unbearable, no breathing room. To a slave I am not strict enough. A week ago I posted about my daily life. How many of those who are submissive could endure a daily life as such. To a slave at times I am not in control of enough, and at times I am not strict enough.
Being a Dominant over a slave is much more in depth than a Dominant over a submissive, the control is much different, and I do believe the bond runs much deeper.
The training, every time I bring up the word train it sounds out of place, but in fact that is what we as Dominants are doing. It even runs as deep as making some behavioral modifications. We control time, we control almost every movement, we control food, bath, sleep, and dress. We who are in a relationship with a slave, are in control nearly 24/7.
Yesterday I gave Tish some down time, to relax, her own space. I saw that it was much needed, even before yesterday. To do what ever she wanted, listen to music, her journal, or sleep which she has no problem with, Tish is like cat when it comes to sleep.
So the training process, every Slave is different, every slave has different needs. I had implemented many things. I had taking control of almost her daily life. Even to to point of cutting her spending down.  This was her needs, this is what she told me she needed, so I had to sit down and come up with a workable plan, so that she would still be able to function in everyday life. It is almost like upgrading windows in your computer. The one thing you have to make certain is, every step you take, you have to insure everything is about the slave, everything is about the betterment of the slave.  Just as the rules and guidelines should be.
It really kills me to see a submissive show me a copy of their rules, and yes I do get rules emailed to me. The rules state you must worship your master cock. You must worship your masters body. You will suck my cock on demand.
The truth is for those of you who are not spending 24/7 together , the submissive spends more time sucking cock than having actual sex, so at least you know where you stand in the relationship. Do not even say its not true, because I am guilty of having subs do the same thing back in the day. We go a couple of months without seeing you, then I wake and think man I need some good head.
Tish and I attended our first munch Friday night, another Dom had stopped by and picked us up. Tish was really nervous about going and being around other people. I was not nervous but the last time I had seen the Dom who was hosting the munch we were almost nose to nose in a heated argument. I must say things were much different, both of us were very welcomed, E and I got along very well. Tish did relax and was able to give her input into a couple of different topics that were covered.
On the way to the munch Tish was somewhat nervous, it was her first, and did not know what to expect. So I get a text from Tish who is sitting in the back seat, and Rob ask me if she just text me. I answered yea why. Robs reply was I was enabling her. Well while I did not answer her, this is an agreement Tish and I have about open communication, and she felt what she had to say was only for me, and I fully understood.
So the training process is off to a good start, I know I get off track at times. The fact is a Master/ Slave relationship is well and alive today. It is hard for some of the submissives to see that type of a relationship in a visual sense. Or even a submissive living such a life.
The Slave is the one who ask the Master if he will take her as his slave. The slave lays out the ground work of how she see’s an M’s relationship in her eyes. She tells the master what she needs out of the relationship. Then the Master either agrees he can or he cannot.

Tish is not difficult, we are at a Micromanagement type relationship. What rights does she have? Only the rights I allow.Now before anyone jumps to any conclusion all of this has been discussed in great detail. The relationship is about the slaves needs, not wants but needs. The idea situation is to slowly implement rules, or as I call guidelines. Doing so slowly but being consistent does not overwhelm the slave. A slow gradual process  so nothing is really noticed, or if it is noticed, it is not enough to bring on any stress.

So during the munch we were all talking about 24/7 TPE Total Power Exchange. E made the comment that if were really in a TPE I would have control over Tish’s bank account. My reply was as a matter of fact I do have complete control over her bank account, and she is held accountable for everything she spends. The conversation ended there. Although I do have control, I do not touch her money. Her money is just that. Again this is control she wanted to give up.

To me a TPE is an ideal relationship for me anyway. The thing that is almost impossible is to find a Dominant who is not going to take advantage of the slave, not only on an emotional level, but mental as well.

Being with a slave is not just fun and games like most think. I hear men all the time, make statements on how they would love to have a relationship like mine, but when I explain all the details, they just look at me.

I do not have a book or an manual to go by, I do not have a check list I go by, everything is stashed away upstairs. Now what I have to do is remember everything, and stay consistent in the relationship. Another important factor is our life is not surrounded by just BDSM , we are best friends, we talk and laugh. We play cards together. Then the most important part is our nightly talks face to face on the bed, before I allow her to sleep. Once she enters the bed , she picks up her chain and I lock it around her neck, then our conversation begins. I prefer a chain to lets say leather cuffs or a leather collar because a chain gives her a greater piece of mind, she feels more owned. I will say she sleeps very peaceful.

I have tried relationships with those who are submissive, and it never works. I need the control, it is a 24/7 need. I do not have a switch I can turn on and off. The above is why I needed to be in a relationship with a slave and not a submissive..

One site I have found to be very helpful over the years. is called Best Slave Training. I truly recommend this to all Dominants. It is not to be used word for word, but to read and understand, and implement your own style of training.

http://bestslavetraining.com/

Image

Vile

I started a new FaceBook

Posted in bdsm, discussion group, FaceBook on November 29, 2012 by thekinkyworldofvile

I opened another account on FaceBook, for a couple of reasons. Although my family does know my lifestyle, some of the pictures being posted were well rather open minded, not that I mind, but I do play a few games on FB and most games in order to play you have to add people you do not know, and a lot are children.

My new link to FB is, http://www.facebook.com/vile62

I am also going to be starting a discussion group so people can ask questions and participate. You can make an anonymous page to keep your identity hidden.

Come and join me lets have some fun…