Archive for the Dominant and Submissive Category

I Have Morals

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, bdsm, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Slave, Submission, Submissive on May 15, 2019 by thekinkyworldofvile

As much as I would like to think I am perfect I am not , but I strive to be , I am by the book and I learned at a young age if you try to take short cuts you will get fucked in the end. These are the people you hear complain about life , how things never go right , the world is against them.

I have very few friends , however my closest friends who are the ones who live afar. Those who live in different countries , those who live in different states . One being a Gorean Master whom I have the greatest respect for. All of these friends are people I can confide in , those who will give advice but more important those who will listen.

In my area I have just a few I can talk to but even then at times they do not feel as close as those who live away from me. Master Malkinius a man with a wealth of knowledge , straight to the point and more out spoken than I am.

These are people I have grown to respect , and just because you are a Dom or a Master does not mean I respect you.  As with a submissive or a slave the Master has to earn the respect. If I do not respect someone there is no changing my outlook , there is no way of changing the way I think. My way of thinking is a one way street and it is my way. As long as it is my way I am the only one responsible if something goes wrong.

Just as Mentoring , over the past 6 months or so I have taking on several who wanted to be mentored and one by one each dropped out of sight. Either in a couple of weeks they knew everything or they would not listen , and all but one are gone and forgotten , there is one who continues to ask questions and responds to my answers like clock work.

If I am mentoring you and I give advice and you do not follow it and then I get another email that says what is next ,  I just sit and shake my head. Just recent I was on the phone talking to a new Dom and when I said you need to be able to get into her head , he was the first in years to ask me how do I do that? Wow! I would say you have to be able to get into her head and all I would hear is Okay .

 

My mentor Animel looked like a pissed of santa and he acted like he was mad at the world. I remember him saying if you dont know the bitch you cannot control anything. If you are not the slaves best friend you cannot control anything. If you do not keep your word you cannot control anything. If you do not meet the needs of the slave you cannot control anything. Animel was a Sadist , I mean the most sadistic person I had ever met but his slave respected him. There were no arguments , no screaming at each other and for one she knew better but two she respected him.

While out at a munch he was talking to a sub and she was explaining how she identified as a brat a mouthy brat and his really was what you mean is you are a cunt.  I tend to agree to a point because there are Doms who enjoy the Brat but there are those who do not and are afraid to say anything in fear of the pussy being cut off.

Most men think with their dicks , back in the 90’s I drove a cab part time during events. In a weeks time I could make 3 or 4 thousand dollars. Anyway sitting at the Hilton one day a real nice Cadillac pulled in and a guy with a wife and 3 kids pulled up and this bitch was fine. As soon as they walked in the guy came out and walked up to me and asked me where all the whores hung out? I just stared at him in disbelief thinking he has this fine piece of ass and hes looking for a crack whore. Thinking with his dick , Vacationing in Daytona Beach and hoping he can give his wife aids , nah the fact is he just did not care if he caught anything or not. So if you are that unhappy just fucking leave..

As far as BDSM goes I am really not a what you would call a BDSM Master and I shall explain.

It took me years for me to get where I am at today. My life is perfect. The perfect slave who only wishes to serve me and only me. We purchased a home back in November of last year in a 55 plus community. I work from home and my slave has a thriving career.When it comes to sex I get anything I want when and how I want it. At times when I am feeling the kink thing I bust out the bondage gear.

Just as Master Malkinius who has spent years researching how to enslave a consensual slave. This would be on a mental level , being able to read someone and understand why the slave thinks the way they do , their habits and needs. The kink and the sex comes later. I am not into marking up my slave , leaving bruises because I like to show her off to much. I do not want to hurt my property.

Mentoring at first I did not get it but while not taking the time to listen I failed and the failure was on my part. Then one day it was like Moses walking down the mountain with the 10 commandments it hit my like a bolt of lighting. Mother fucker I got it and all of a sudden 20 years of shit was just running through my head and I was dissecting everything.. I then realized at that moment and time how wrong I had been and just how many submissives’s I had hurt along the way.  People who know me would not think I would be one to have any feelings of guilt . I am not one to have much empathy for anything or anyone but this was a different feeling.

Just because you are a submissive and you meet a Dom that does not mean he is the DOM for you , or just because you meet a submissive it does not mean that is the right submissive for you.

This is not a vanilla relationship , our needs are different , the kink is different. So the relationship has to be negotiated. How much control does the Dom want , how much control does the submissive want to give up. The kink side of things and then yes sex.

You know my ex wife told me one time she was to tired to have sex. I was like what the fuck is that all you have to do is lay there. She replied well I dont get anything out of it. I was thinking like I really care.

The one thing I cannot look over and I can like you and respect you but it is the Married Dom who cheats on his wife. There is another side , if the wife knows and is okay with the arrangement all is good but if it is behind her back there is zero respect and if I had any before it pulls a casper and goes poof. If you have kids that deepens my thoughts. I have blogged about this before. I was married for almost 10 years and it was the worse 10 years of my life. I had to come clean , I had to share my feelings about who and what I was and I left. The time we were married I remained loyal , I never stepped out. If shit is as bad as you think it is then you would leave. When I first started blogging this was a topic I was stuck on. I left and I left a house , 3 cars and 150K in the bank. When I moved out I had a Duffel bag and around 1800 dollars. I paid child support for 12 years , and those 12 years seemed like they would never end. Most of the time I paid 2 or 3 times more than what we had agreed on. We came to an agreement of 85.00 a week but most of the time I paid 250 and 300 a week. Even I know raising a kid is not cheap , there was day care , school clothes , school supplies and then the knowing I left and she had nothing to do with it , it was all on me. My last payment was a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders because for years I went without.

Ive  been in the lifestyle a very long time and let me tell you about the Married Doms who sneak around. They are repeat offenders meaning they will find a submissive and promise to leave their wife who is such a cunt and maybe she is a cunt but hey you knew that way before or there was something you did to make her change. Repeat offenders because they are not going to leave their wife and this is mainly due to not being able to leave the birds nest , the security. It is the wife who builds the home , it is the slave who builds the home , the slave wants the perfect home for her owner just as the wife.

He finds a submissive and makes the world of promises and it may take some time but the sub will catch on and end the relationship. The Dom will then take a break and try to patch things up at home until he gets board again , and the hunt begins. This is something that is repetitive and either the wife gives up or simply ends the relationship.

When I first started blogging this was a topic that I just hammered on because I am so passionate about it. Some women are Okay seeing a married man , as a matter of fact some prefer the man to be married because there is no fear of a commitment. In a way I can understand that and if it works and she does not care about disrupting the family and the children go for it..

A part time Dom or Master cannot demand full time submission , a part time Dom cannot even effectively train.  The submissive will spend holidays alone unless with family, the submissive will spend vacations alone , will travel alone while the married Dom will be off with his unhappy family faking it.

Today BDSM has changed and not many really take the lifestyle very serious. Lets run down to petco and get you a collar, or order one from Amazon for 10.00 bucks. Really is that all you are worth ?

Everything in the community is Labeled Kink , kinky Munch , or Kinky coffee , even at Munchs it is seldom when there is serious conversations about a power exchange relationship.

BDSM is more than just sex it runs much deeper on a mental path. You can actually change someones behavior but and there is a but the Dom has to be willing to devote a lot of time building a true power exchange relationship.

Dominants are looking for a few things in a relationship , someone who is loyal unless you are poly , security , communication , then comes the kink and sex.

It is not a easy road but it can be very rewarding..

 

 

 

vile

 

You Need To Strip

Posted in adapting, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Slave, cock sucking, Consistency, Dominant and Submissive, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Humiliation, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Protocols, Sex and Submission, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Training Arianna, training your slave with tags , , , on February 5, 2019 by thekinkyworldofvile

Arianna walked in the house , I was sitting at the dinning table and I said stop right there.

You need to strip , take all of your clothes off. You will not be allowed any clothing unless I give permission , this includes company coming over.  I stood up and walked over to her took her hand and started walking . I stopped in front of the couch and pointed at the floor. This is where you can sit , on the floor in front of me. I then walked over to the dinning table and pointed at the floor , this is where you will eat dinner. Besides the bed those two places are the only places you are allowed to sit.

The next couple of hours I remained silent , just observing as Arianna sat on the floor wondering what I was thinking. Later in the evening I walked Arianna to the bedroom laid her down crawled on top , I came inside of her and got off and just walked away without saying a word. I was thinking to myself , my property I will use when I want.

Later that night we were talking and I explained to Arianna in 90 days you will know my needs , what I expect. She then asked how ? You will watch and listen , do what you are told when you are told and told how to do it. Arianna thought I was setting her up for failure.

The next 90 days Arianna spent a great deal of time on her back and sucking my dick. The idea behind that was to use as much as I could to let her know that is what she was for. I remember the first time Arianna sucked my dick , I was thinking this bitch is a keeper and today she just keeps getting better. The using was very important during training. The purpose was to make it clear in her mind she was here to serve and reminded her of her place in the relationship.

Remember it is the slave who must adapt to your way of living , your home , your rules , your protocols.

Over the 90 days I started introducing rules and protocols , I started to control the way she spoke , walked , sit , how she would interact with others . The protocols I introduced were important to me , this was important as well because after all Arianna would be a direct reflection of me.

I controlled the way she dressed , her nail polish , her hair style and color and at one point I shaved one side of her head.

At times I used different forms of Humiliation , this was to set the reminder who was in charge and who was not.

How do you get to know your slave ? You let them talk , talk and talk and you listen. You cannot begin to train or issue rules unless you know who you are entering a relationship with. Having open communication , your slave or submissive has the right to speak and express their feelings . You want the slave to feel comfortable enough knowing they can come to you and speak about anything and be respected and knowing you care and will not judge.

I arranged a protocol dinner where Arianna served dinner and supplied drinks and after everything was dished out , Arianna was allowed to sit at the table for the first time.

I started introducing Arianna to friends I knew in the lifestyle and we attended Munchs together.

Over the next 90 days Arianna started to become a little more comfortable but still had trust issues. We continued to communicate and we talked for several hours daily.

From the day we met is was exactly 6 weeks when Arianna moved in. We would of moved into her place but it was to small for the two of us. Arianna had a really nice small two bedroom Apartment in the historic district and I loved it but it was just to small for the two of us..

I have moved passed the need to inflict pain , my needs were more on the mental side of things. I wanted to get into Arianna’s . It took me years to realize getting into someones head was far more effective and taking the sadist side of things. Truth be known I enjoy showing Arianna off so marks and bruises would not be very appealing.

Our negotiations lasted about a day , it was not a 8 hour conversation , but we did converse on our needs , her needs , my needs and wants.

I had made up my mind I was not going to give in on any level and I was going to get my way or it would be noway.  If you are entering a relationship in the lifestyle and you give in to some of your needs , there will come a time when the need or needs will come up and you have already agreed on certain things.

When I trained I focused on my needs and wants. Sitting down and drawing a picture in my mind on how I saw my everyday life in the present and future.

Dressing , when going out I myself dress very nice and in my mind if we were going out my slave would dress like she was walking the red carpet. The slave is a direct reflection of her Master. It also shows the Master cares for his slave.

Okay this is a short blog ..

I truly appreciate everyone who stops by.

Vile

The Collar

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, Collar, Collared Slave, commitment, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , , on January 7, 2019 by thekinkyworldofvile

The Collar to me is very sacred to me , it is not something that is given just because  it is earned.

When a couple gets married the two exchange vows , then exchange rings , this seals their fate , and love and now there is a piece of paper that says Husband and wife.

The collar is almost the same as the above but it runs deeper. The collar is a sign of ownership , one giving and one taking. Giving up control of ones life and one taking control of ones life.

If you just give a collar and no reasoning behind it , then it means nothing but if the collar is earned it takes on a whole different meaning.

I myself used two different collars , one was a collar of protection , this was used when going out so others would know the slave was with me , then the actual collar. The collar was earned over a period of 6 months.

You as a slave should have a deep feeling to earn your collar , you should want to strive to earn your collar. If it is just giving to you what meaning would it have ?

 

 

My Soul Searching

Posted in Adapt, anal sex, ass fucking, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Behavior Modification, blow job, commitment, communication, compatibility, consequences, Consistency, Dominance, Dominant and Submissive, Dominants Protocol, feminism, fucking, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, masochist, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, molding your slave, Safe and Sane, Slave, Slave being used, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock, Total Submission with tags , , , , , on November 25, 2018 by thekinkyworldofvile

Before meeting Arianna I was single for a little over two years , my you it was by choice. I had spent that time in doing some deep soul searching and I needed to find out a few things about myself. One who was I , I mean really I needed to know who I was in terms of the lifestyle. I cant remember back far enough when I had what you would call vanilla friends and my circle of friends in the lifestyle well I could count on one hand. There are reasons I keep my circle so small , one being if my circle is small and I am in contact with someone on a regular basis and I know I can turn to them ,  then I can consider them to be a friend. Even social media like Facebook or Fetlife I am not a friend collector , after all what is the point of having 2000 friends if you are never in contact with them?  Two I needed to find out what my needs were , what type of relationship did I need to have to keep the fire inside going ? Three what type of woman did I need in my life , was it a submissive ? Was it a Slave ? Or the last thing that popped in my head was she to be property ? There are clear differences between the three and each Dom or Master or owner differs as well , after all we are all different.

Knowing those three things before you enter a relationship is very vital when it comes to having any type of successful relationship but more so when it comes to our lifestyle.

Now during the 2,5 years I was single I did date and the dating process was so I could eliminate what I was not looking for and again I wanted a better Idea as to what I truly needed out of a partner…

One date I remember submissive saying I do not swallow , now sex was really down at the bottom of my list but to tell me you are not going to do something is a strike , and another no anal for me I get nothing out of it. It was obvious we had different out looks when it came to a relationship because it was not about her it was about me. I do not like bondage it does nothing for me , another I do not like humiliation it takes me to a bad place , the list went on and on. So at the end of the dates I would pay for the dinner and explain we were way to far apart to be able to come to any type of an agreement when it comes to a relationship. You mean because I do not like anal you do not want a relationship ? You are 100% correct that would be a need for me and while anal is not at the top of my list I may at times go a month or so just ass fucking , but of course then I always want to finish in the mouth. ATM is my favorite word..

Being a Dominant just did not fit me , this is mainly because a submissive has the right to say no. Being a master there are still negotiations which meant something on my check list could be marked off , yes such as no anal , or no sex when I dont feel like it or I am to tired. Tired really ? All you have to do is lay on your back I bust a nut and get up and you can go back to being tired.  I am to tired what the fuck does that mean ?

I wanted the word NO wiped from ones vocabulary , I cant , I wont. I wanted and needed full control over someones life, I would be responsible for taking care of everything , I would meet ones needs but then I expected my needs and wants to be completed again after all it was about me.

First entering the lifestyle the first slave I met was a total Masochist and needed humiliation just to survive , now how awesome was that ? Well one would think they struck gold but in time I found the Humiliation to be difficult because each time I had to out do the last. The pain part I learned where I could hit and where I could no that my friends is very important because you can really fuck someone up and try explaining that to a Judge. Sherrie wanted a relationship but I did not and while we dated for almost seven years I never not one time fucked her , yea that is the truth. Now she did however suck a lot of dick and I mean a lot but I never fucked her. I did fist her pussy and ass she really got off on that. I would stop by her work and insert a coke can and come back several hours later so I could take it out.  Driving down Hwy 95 in Daytona one time we were pulled over , and I am thinking what the fuck. Sherrie was sitting in the passenger seat butt ass naked holding a huge ass dildo. So the cop walks up and looks in the car and I am thinking this is not going to be good. He simply asked if everything was ok and Sherrie said yes. She was giving a ticket because her tag had expired. The cop never said anything about her being naked , I am guessing the size of the dildo did shock him because it took two hands to hold it.

Years and years past since the late 80’s and while I thought all of my relationships were on spot they were not and each one failed because of me. They failed because I was not willing to commit the time needed and it was pretty much one sided , which now it is pretty much one sided but what makes it different now is I give back , on my terms..

Now you are thinking the kind of relationship you want is impossible. You would never find a slave who would just submit to your every need right ? The key word is patience , good things come to those who wait and most of the time just like my now relationship Arianna fell right into my lap out of the sky. Speaking to a Dom one night and him and I are pretty close with our thoughts when it comes to ownership , anyway we were talking after a MAsT meeting one night and he stated I was lucky and just like I thought he said it was like Arianna fell from the sky as a gift.

I have been very blessed over the past 6 years and knowing many more years to come is more of a blessing. I am also blessed to live with not one but two women Arianna my slave and Lynn our submissive. Arianna completed most of Lynns training taking a huge weight off of my shoulders. Our house runs smoothly and without a glitch , both girls get along with each other.  There is zero Drama and zero problems yea sometimes I cannot believe how smoothly things are going.

Negotiating our relationship was really pretty easy it was my way or no way. I was straight forward and to the point. The thing that blew my mind was Arianna said one word, Okay. That threw me off for a few minutes but I did not show it. Arianna then explained her needs , now in order for me to get what I want I knew I had to give back and her one and only request was to be micromanaged. This was a area I had zero experience in , even asking others in the lifestyle I was told it was way to much work let her go..

Remember the slave must adapt to your way of living , your life , your needs and your training.

Training is something I take very serious and I put a lot of thought into it. What worked for the last slave will not work with a new one. The rules are different , their personality is different , their mindset is different and of course needs. If all the needs are met there are no wants.

I asked the question several times are you sure ? Are you sure this is the path you want to take? Each time the answer was yes and so our journey began.

I am more of a Mental Owner , in order to control someone you need to be in their head , you need to know what makes them think the way they do , their habits , why they have those habits. You have to know their reasoning , now that part is deep. You have to know what makes them think the way they do. Once you are inside as confusing as it may be you are now in full control. The hard part is knowing what to do , when and why. If you fuck something up you gotta fix it so be careful.

What I do in a sense is strip one of ones dignity , I take everything away that was a need and turn them into privileges. I took all clothes away including when company came over , again depending who it was. I took all furniture away including being able to sit at the dinner table. I controlled shower time , bed time , food that was prepared. I controlled hair color , nail polish and I controlled what clothes would be worn outside when we did go out.  I controlled the way she sat , how she spoke and who she spoke to. I used her and used often. I used without a word , I used every hole , I let her know I was taking what was mine.  The slave is yours , your property , you own after all they gave you that right. Use and use how you want and when you want. While I am not a huge fan of Humiliation I do use some form during my training , again this is to reinforce our positions within the home.

Breaking a rule must be a serious offense , the slave forgot to text this is part of training. There is no reason to go off the handle. Training is about changing habits and depending on who you are working with you are looking at 90 days or more before most things catch on. We as owners must show patience.

Keeping that mindset , putting protocols in place and staying on top of the protocols , ownership is not a 9 to 5 job. As Dominants , Masters and Owners we must be available to our partners 24/7 no questions asked.

The one weakness that can kill a M’s relationship is when the Master feels guilty about punishing , or slips and does not stay on top of things , begins to let rules go without consequences. Once you change and your property has seen the difference it is impossible to turn back the pages.

The words I wish I was a better Dom or a better Master , I am sorry I am a failure. Think about those words yea pretty pathetic and your property may not say anything but the same thoughts are there. There are thoughts you keep to yourself , it is actions and words you share. The property looks up to us , not only for a relationship but guidance , direction and depends on us to keeps the rules we have put in placed enforced..

I had thought about Blogging about feminism but as stated above I will leave that as a thought..

Vile

Communication

I Am A Dominant Call Me Sir

Posted in A slaves passwords, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, communication, Dominant, Dominant and Submissive, Slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , on October 28, 2018 by thekinkyworldofvile

You are new to the lifestyle and very excited to learn everything you can but most of all finding the One. I hope that you would talk to many but chances are you will end up speaking with only 2 or 3 before taking that leap.. After only chatting for a short time you are giving a direction to call the one you met Sir.

I firmly believe in the lifestyle we need titles , we need titles to identify ourselves when it comes to meeting others. It explains our position in the lifestyle , maybe a Daddy , a Dominant a Master and so on. In the end it is our property who addresses our identity.

Speaking with someone a couple of months ago who is somewhat new to the lifestyle , he had asked me if I could introduce him to a submissive. Being new Dominant in our community can be somewhat tough because there is a vetting process we all go through. I was told by this new Dominant that he was displeased with the vetting process and thought it was not fair. I sent information one being bestslavetraining.com a huge source of information and the other of course my blog here although most is just my opinion but my opinion is based on more than 20 years experience. You do not have to agree with everything but I am sure there are parts you can take and put to use.

So I introduce the Dom to a submissive a very good friend and at first everything seemed to be going well but it soon fell apart. One was the work schedules but my thoughts are if you want something to work it can work if you are willing to make the effort. Once the frenzy fizzled out he lost interest. I asked if he had read the material and he stated he looked over it but was more worried about his own well being , so in short no he did not. I sent it again and received the same answer so I see this as not wanting to put any effort into learning. I also made the point that it was very important to get out in the local community , you cannot just sit at home and hope someone will just walk up to your front door and drop to their knees.

The truth is you are in full control for the most until you decide to submit. The Dominant may make request but it is you who has the final say. You have the right to question , you have the right to avoid any situation that may make you feel uncomfortable.

What do you want me to call you ? You will address me as Sir! By now you may have formed some type of rapport but not near enough for you to have gained enough respect to call someone Sir , unless you were brought up in such a way and just being polite. One who makes such demands again have severe ego and security issues.

Here is the problem , most not all who are new to the lifestyle want to learn but they want to learn on their terms. When a relationship fails the blame goes to the submissive and not the one who is truly at fault.

Things have changes , people have changed but most of all the lifestyle has changed. The new Dominants entering the lifestyle wants the cake and ice cream but do not want to put in the effort.

Recently mentoring someone for a very short time , I found this to be true. What I found disturbing is wanting me to introduce him to someone.  Introducing a Dominant with no experience , nor the wish or need to learn placed me in a very bad place. So I decided to give it a try and I knew someone who I thought might have some compatibility , this ended to be a huge mistake.

You cannot start off on the right foot when one starts off making demands. You cannot start a relationship when a 100 rules stuffed down your throat.  One may be able to start off with a few small rules such as bed time or texting ,  but to hand you a book of rules without even knowing you is insane.

Remember rules are strictly for the betterment of the slave. If it starts out with you having to send naked pics or videos then you should just move the fuck on..

Stay calm and think logical and your way of life will come..

Much Love

Vile

 

Obtaining Deeper Submission

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, codependent, Consistency, Dominant, Dominant and Submissive, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Training your submissive with tags , , , , on December 12, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Deeper submission is something wanted by both the Dominant and the Submissive , however many times the submissive will want but is clueless about how to achieve such a goal. This falls onto the Dominants shoulders in guiding the submissive.

While trust is a huge factor there has to be some guidance , in assisting the submissive reach their goals.

Training is huge , it will be the main factor in not only the Dominants goals but the submissive’s as well.  I have said this before having a plan before you begin training is a valuable asset , having goals , setting rules and protocols. I have found it to be difficult to implement any rules until you truly know someone. You can add rules or take rules away but to alter a rule can had adverse effects. Rules are to enhance the submissive or slaves life. While protocols are meant to enhance the control of the Master or you could say protocols are rituals. The last sentence were words from my slave Arianna.

I myself begin training and continue without my slave knowing , I am going to try and explain some different methods but training will vary from submissive to submissive or slave to slave. Each personality is different , needs are different and habits are different.

I was speaking with another Dom yesterday and I was explaining he had to be able to define himself and know what he wanted in a submissive and what his final goals would be. It sounds pretty simple yes? Well truth be known it is not simple and it is a lot of work and it is work that is continued for the long term. I was chatting with a Gorean Master who takes in part time slaves for a weekend , a week , a month , 6 months and so on but nothing is set for long term. My time is more valuable than that but I also realize we are both on different playing fields. I do however use some of the Gorean rituals and protocols.

First your potential partner must be real and serious, by this time you should of seen if it is what I call sub frenzy , or just a fantasy because once someone steps into your world it is game over.

When you the Master explains something it should be in such great detail , when you are finished there are no questions , but you will ask if there are any questions , this is done each time.

What is wrong ? That question is so lame it has no meaning and should be dropped from your vocabulary. Instead try this, What is on your mind? Boom the first question puts up a defensive wall , guarded not letting you in. What is on your mind? What are you thinking? If there is anything the words will flow like a water fall I promise you, this will make life show much easier.

A Dominant or Master should never lose your temper when it comes to your property. Anger shows a lack of control , if you cannot control your anger how can you control someone else?  You must be respected before you can expect someone to submit. Five years I have never raised my voice towards my slave or my submissive 5 fucking years. Why? My slave Arianna is in service to me as with Lynn , both serve me , both take care of my needs. Both respect me and both depend on me , I have never used fear as a form of Domination .

Training you must be fair and the few rules you have in place should not be changed or altered. Now this is just my opinion and it works and worked for me.

Everything is earned , nothing is giving and what is earned can be taken away at the snap of a finger and this must be known.

Sitting at the dinner table is a privilege not a right. Sitting on the couch or chair is a privilege not a right, watching TV , texting friends , using a pad , showering , doing hair, nail polish everything is a privilege and privileges are earned not giving.

You the Master wants full and complete control , you the Master wants nothing less than full submission. You the Master wants loyalty , you want your needs met service and sexual.

Clothes in the house should be a privilege , I myself do not allow any clothes on unless I approve , but I am dressed , my right not a privilege.

Trust , Trust is HUGE , Trust is the main factor in the beginning of any relationship but even more so in our lifestyle. You can forget about any level of submission until you have full TRUST. You the Master will ask the Submissive or Slave do you trust me? The answer will always be YES. Dude it is a LIE a big FAT LIE there is no Trust there they don’t even really know you , why would you even ask such a question? Do you know why the answer was yes? Because it is what you wanted to hear and nothing more. You will know when the Trust begins and it will not happen over night. Now while you have been building this thing called TRUST you can fuck it up and the drop of a pin , meaning the first time you get stupid , lose your temper , screaming , calling names out of anger and if you can and that is a HUGE if you can start to rebuild what you fucked up.

Controlling your temper is much like gaining trust it does take time and it took me a very long time to learn how to channel my anger into something positive. Thinking before you speak will be your best friend , taking that deep breath , a silent deep breath and think about what you are going to say. That one short pause can save you weeks or months of work.  If you have anger issues you have zero business trying to own or be someones Dominant. Do I get mad? Absolutely I do I blow the fuck up but and there is a but not at my girls. Never. Remember they are in service to me.

Here comes the needy , here comes the codependency , but first things first I have to say because I will get a fucked email , not every submissive or slave is codependent , there I said it so deal with it. At any rate here it comes and it will hit you like a fucking train and you the Dom will deal with it because remember ? You wanted a relationship , this was the one and you are now president and will have to take that call at 3 am or what ever time 24/7. You have to be there 24/7 because you agreed to it and you said you would. So man up.

Actions speak louder than words , Actions are everything , Actions are visuals and we as humans are Visuals we see and for the most we believe even when it comes to watching news. You know what I am talking about so the visual comment is real. Actions mean everything. You sat your submissive down and you painted this white knight on this beautiful horse riding down the trail and swooping the submissive up and taking her back to your kingdom. You opened the can of worms now either you man up or you tell the truth , hey I am just looking for a quick fuck and nothing more. Be Honest.

Say what you mean and do what you say , actions speaks louder than words , you can now start building that bridge of trust. You will know when trust is achieved because a whole new room will open up and you will see a whole new openness , you will see a whole new person , someone who now desires to please , someone who has the need to please.

I love the word USE , and the word should be used often when you first begin your training. Sex is much different in our lifestyle mainly because in my eyes it is my right to use my property when and how I want , again the word USE. In the beginning stages using your submissive plays a very important role and there are two reasons. One it sets the scene and two it puts your submissive in her place. Now comes the hard part like when in a vanilla relationship the male spends much of his time begging to get some pussy , while the Dominant see’s sex as being a right. Sex is about me and only me. Yeah sounds pretty cold but there are times I will please but that type of pleasure is my call. Using your property is a reminder , it puts one in their place.

Taking privileges away , what was once so cherished now becomes a privilege as I stated above. Again everything is earned and what is earned can be taken back at any time. Limit the places in your home in which the submissive has access to , such as a spot on the floor next to the couch yea that one and only spot. Sitting next to you on the floor while you eat, and the submissive must not begin to eat until you have taken the first bite.

I find speaking in thirds to be very effective taking the words I and me out of the vocabulary . Replacing with your submissive or this submissive. Your Slave or this slave , the words I or me no longer has any meaning. This is a reminder of who and what she is and what her place in within the home.

This is done on a daily basis you cannot train 4 days and take 3 off it breaks the cycle. Your property will make mistakes and and verbal correction is all that is needed. The first 90 days will be the toughest but you should start to see things fall into place. Some catch on faster than others and raising your voice or beating her ass make no sense.

You cannot demand submission if you do it is fake submission. You cannot demand love if you do again it it fake love. Putting fear in someone makes no sense , you gain absolutely nothing with the exception of a swollen ego.

Respect your property and never ask them to do something you yourself would not do. Never ask for anything that is totally unrealistic , or something that would cause someone to fail. Always be positive and praise goes a long , long way.

I give reminders all the time to both of my girls , hey you know I truly appreciate everything you do. This is positive reinforcement , it is a builder and makes one feel proud and will want to please more.

I am not sure if I left anything out?

Consensual Objectification

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationship, Consensual Objectification, Dominant and Submissive, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Humiliation, Sexual Objectification, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Uncategorized with tags , , , on October 30, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

A very touchy subject to most ok for some it can be good but very can relate but I shall explain where I am coming from and maybe you will agree or maybe you will not.

 

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sexual objectification is the act of treating a person as a mere object of sexual desire. Objectification more broadly means treating a person as a commodity or an object without regard to their personality or dignity. Objectification is most commonly examined at the level of a society, but can also refer to the behavior of individuals.

The concept of sexual objectification and, in particular, the objectification of women, is an important idea in feminist theory and psychological theories derived from feminism. Many feminists regard sexual objectification as deplorable and as playing an important role in gender inequality. However, some social commentators argue that some modern women objectify themselves as an expression of their empowerment.

Here come the feminist , I can hear the roar , the abuse , the lack of caring , but yet will lack the knowledge of what I am about to talk about.

Consensual Sexual Objectification , just as entering a D’s or M’s relationship everything is negotiated and is done so both fully understanding what is and is not being consented to.

Being treated as a object , a toy , but with these thoughts comes cherished , valued , and needed. I will explain my thoughts.

In a M’s relationship love is needed , caring is needed , communication is needed , showing appreciation , showing you value the relationship. There is a but and a big but , in order to maintain a M’s relationship there has to be some sort of separation in the mind.

Master and Slave not boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife , you are Master and Slave. In our minds we use the term owner/property. I own but it is a consensual ownership. A ownership that has grown over the years.

Arianna and I entered our relationship as Master and Slave so there was no confusion on where we stood. As we grew and our minds expanded , Arianna’s thoughts  came to Owner/property.

My thoughts turned to sexual objectification , a body for my use. A body for my use as I wanted to , when I wanted and how I wanted. I no longer see a mouth a pussy or ass I see three holes for my use. Yea that does sound pretty bad , in fact many will see it as abuse.

So what is the definition of Master and Slave ? Does a Slave have rights or a voice ? Absolutely they do , they have the rights and a voice , the same rights and voice when the relationship was negotiated. Can the terms of the relationship be renegotiated ? Again absolutely  at the Masters discretion. I myself decide when the terms of our relationship can be renegotiated. There is a but and a big but. If there is good communication a good Master can see the needs of his slave. A good Master will make adjustments and many times without the Slaves knowledge and I have done in the past and recent without Arianna knowing.

Can Arianna sit down and say hey I am interested a D’s relationship or a Daddy Baby girl relationship , would I then make adjustments ? Absolutely not , we met I explained my needs and wants in great detail , I also stated I was not willing to change or renegotiate my terms.

The frame of mind when it comes to the Slave , the need to serve , not a want. The need to please the owner , not because one is being forced. One cannot demand submission , one cannot gain submission through fear , submission is earned and earned through respect. Respect is not giving , respect is earned as with trust.

I have learned in the past in a D’s or M’s relationship you can let your feeling get in the way. Maybe not wanting to enforce rules , or when a rule is broken , not wanting to punish. I have also learned physical punished is not always the best avenue to take.

My way of thinking there has to be a mental wall , a wall that separates your feelings in a relationship. There is a very loving and caring side but there is a side that can be a total Dick.

In modern times we all know you cannot own a slave. The way we live is a mindset , it has grown into a way of living. Kinda like changing your eating habits trying to live a healthier life. It is not something that happens over night , there are steps that are taking and before you can take any steps you have to have a plan of action  and you must follow each step in the order you meant them to be. Once all steps are in place you have to maintain that level of everything you have put into place.

The object or the objectification , looking at someone as object even while having sex. Although there are feelings , I have a wall that separates two things , one being love , and the other being somewhat cold looking at my partner as a Slave , maybe cold is the wrong word but there is a wall..

RAPE

Now before I continue I will talk about consent , non-consent. If you both agree to enter a relationship is rape possible ? Now in a D’s relationship is rape possible? What about a M’s relationship is rape possible ? Is it right to give consent to fuck then take the consent away? If being in a relationship and your looked at as being a object a consensual object is rape possible? Rape is probably the worst act of violence there is. A man forcing himself on a woman or man , or maybe a woman raping a man. No one who commits such a act should never see the light of day.

My point is how can one consent then at a later date take the consent away? I am speaking about any type of relationship. There is a but , there is always a but. If there is a case of abuse , physical , mental or verbal which can be mental as well. Then I believe consent can be taken away.

I get fixated on a word at times and the word I am fixated on is Objectification , I stumbled across a article and it made a lot of sense. I contacted the Author and asked for permission to use his material and was granted permission.

– Sir Vice
© Limits Unleashed 2017

http://www.limitsunleashed.com/sexual-objectification-pt1/

Introduction

In this post I will be sharing a preview of a workshop I’m giving to a few events on sexual objectification & training.  In this instance we are defining sexual objectification fairly literally, that being (a) the act of treating a person as an instrument of sexual pleasure; (b) broadly implies treating a person as a commodity or an object.

The caveat is that none of the above should occur without full and enthusiastic consent.  In other words we are paying careful and mindful attention to the fact that we are dismissing the third common definition – (c) often without regard to others personal dignity or emotional experiences.

As a result, sexual objectification play is much more suited as an activity within a defined scene than a part of a 24/7 lifestyle. This is due to the risk that a habit can develop where the Dominant forgets that the submissive must be a willing participant.

Clarification

Consensual sexual objectification is less concerned with the immediate feelings or experience for the sake of providing or achieving a sense of value through utility.  Participants in BDSM and the objectification kink cannot fully remove all elements of self-agency and responsibility without the risk of it turning into abusive and unhealthy behaviors.  As a result, even objectification still must be consensual activity, though it can be very blurry (i.e. edge-play and/or Total Power Exchange).

As a result, this type of activity requires invoking a certain suspension of disbelief in having this role insisted on or subjected upon the submissive or bottom even though they are a willing participant, has negotiated proper opportunities and boundaries, and can cease such activities with the appropriate safe word.

Looking Deeper

There are many types and variants on sexual objectification. Most often the focus is on the use or attributes which defines the object, versus the experience (since objects don’t have experiences).  Common types include:

  • Role: bimbo/himbo, personal slut, sex slave
  • Toys & Parts: fuck doll, live dildo, T&A, etc
  • Degradation: party favor, house slut, performer/entertainment

So what is the attraction?  First we must acknowledge that the benefits people receive in sexual objectification are quite subjective to those involved. That said, the most often expressed benefits include a clear sense of role & purpose (utilitarian); the feeling of being removed guilt or shame; and a lighter conscious knowing that matters of safety and care are left to the one in control.

Sexual objectification is often no different in other forms of objectification in that the submissive or bottom will often experience being “turned on by turning off” – shutting off the brain, silencing the chatter, and allowing themselves to go into a state of dissociation (sub-space) and just “enjoy the ride”.

Note how these benefits often are about subverting the sense of personal agency to the whim of another’s control as a means to fulfilling desires or fantasies.  As such, sexual objectification is a very focused practice in power exchange – the Owner of the object, and the owned as the object, which exists for the enjoyment and use of the Owner.

All Good in Theory

As with many elements of BDSM and fetish activities, much sounds like a good idea in theory. I have found this to be particularly true of sexual objectification.  Indeed, the reality of such play may be vastly different that of your imagination.  As a result, all parties involved need to be mindful that something can (and likely will) go awry in practice.

All those involved must be prepared to plan for setbacks and triggers, as such events are nearly inevitable, and adapt accordingly.  Change and re-evaluation is an eventuality, not a possibility. This is largely because of the potential emotional risks involved in any kind of edge play, especially ones that are deeply psychological.  Key risk factors and setbacks include significant disillusionment; the loss of confidence or security in the relationship; prior abuse & PTSD triggers; mismatched pace or desire of progression (rushing); or finding deep contradictions in core values & beliefs.

As such, it is extremely important to strike a balance between the rewards and risks.  All those involved must be adaptable and ready to recognize challenges and change to help address issues.  In some cases that means taking a step back, while in others it may be re-negotiation as new limits may be uncovered.  Only thoughtful communication and discussion will help you surmount these moments and potentially adjust to them.

Closing

Depending on how well this post is received I may continue with a “part 2” will be looking at a methodology which describes a framework for how to actually train someone in this role. If you want to see part 2 make sure you rate the post and like/share through social media so we know you want more.   😉

For now, I will leave you with the strong suggestion that many things seem like a good idea at the time, and are exciting to entertain within the mind or bedroom on occasion.  Taking it further, however, requires significantly more investment of time and attention to ensure everyone is on the same page.  This means careful consideration of needs, wants, and limits; constantly evaluating and communicating; and being very adaptable and forgiving when things go off the intended path.

That said, if you find enough common working ground, you can find deep satisfaction and excitement as you explore hidden needs and unlock them through sexual objectification.

Yes there is a part two , the information here is really informative. I ran across several articles but found Sir Vice to have very in depth information…

Sexual Objectification Part 2 Training.

Introduction

In my prior post on Sexual Objectification Pt.1 I provided a high level introduction to what it is, why people do it, and some things to think about in terms of starting your exploration.  In this Part 2 writing I’m going to dive more into the Training aspect.  How does one train a submissive (or prepare if you are a submissive) for sexual objectification play and conditioning.  The methodologies in the following are typically key elements in sexual objectification training, which in no way is standardized.  Everyone has their own way of doing things. The below is presented in order of what I have found useful, but is subject to interpretation and the fit and response of those involved.

Negotiation

Before you even start the training, you have to try to get a full appreciation of the page on which everyone rests.  If you haven’t read my post on Negotiation & Consent, I strongly advise you do so before proceeding.

 

To review, Negotiation requires active participation by all parties to constructively and collaboratively build a framework of success.  This means being able to openly discuss desires, needs, limits, and potential solutions.  Sexual objectification training should therefore begin with an assignment for all to outline a history of inspiration or desire for this activity – What influences brought you here to desire to explore this aspect of yourself?   Itemize the desires, fantasies, wants and needs in one list.  Similarly, you should also itemize potential triggers, traumas, restrictions, or limitations.  For both of these lists it’s important to then prioritize by “forced ranking” – meaning each category can only have one number one or top priority.  This helps to reduce conflict resolution between wants, needs, and limitations.

 

Only once this is accomplished can you hope to sit down to compare & contrast ones desires with the limits, both for yourself (no matter what side of the power dynamic you are on) as well as between those involved.  This is when you start to work to find solutions as a cooperative team with the goal of developing something that is mutually satisfying.

Planning

Once everyone has a common understanding and goal, it takes some planning to get there.  Achieving any goal or destination requires some degree of active planning, at least at a high level or outline format.  This is to help ensure progress is taken in measured steps, and that all involved are ready for the next step once signs are clear.  As in Negotiation, there needs to be ongoing discussion about readiness, comfort levels, and if the goals remain valid.  Remember that change is inevitable, especially as progress is made, and one has to adjust accordingly.

 

Execution and planning is largely up to Dominant/Owner in the relationship, having drafted at least a rough plan or road-map with Indicators that things are on the right track.  The submissive must provide feedback & input, so a calm “sit down” is required prepare the submissive mentally and help remind them this is something that they accepted and are actively responsible for choosing to support.

Intensity & Control

Once conditioned to respond, constant use becomes predictable. As such one needs to intensify use through building sexual tension, feelings of suspense, even lack of use.  One needs to disrupt the rhythm in order to add to the intensity.  There is no brightness without experiencing the shadow, so contrast is required to help highlight the response and value from use.  One can accomplish this with periods of abstinence, edging, ad hoc “quickies”, public sexual simulation (without release), and others.

 

This is a form of control via removing the submissive’s sense of personal agency and self-control. The more the submissive is likely to be used at any time, the more likely they become compliant and remain fully “on alert” and desirous. Of course, you cannot do this without slowly ramping up the level of control.  You can exhibit control through general appearance & dress, dictated use (when and where), forced orgasm, using some spontaneous variety and/or innovation, etc.   Essentially you want to get to a place that says the sexual object is to be used by any and all (negotiated) means, at any time or place.  Again, within the confines of the negotiated and consensual terms.

 

Note that the above introduces selective chaos by creating patterns and then disrupting them.  We break the pattern to add to the suspense, we add tension by adding measures of interruption or uneven rhythm.  The purpose is to stimulate desire while conditioning to be “always ready” since the when is never quite known.  While surprise can build anxiety, if carefully employed gradually over time, it can greatly enhance progress.

Assess & Revise as Needed

Pushing the envelope of progression too far & too fast will cause problems, setbacks, or relationship failures.  All involved need to keep communication channels open and have regular “touch base” conversations.  Avoid giving in to frenzy or over-ambitiousness and trying to speed things along, as this will often lead to a catastrophic failure.  Cautious pacing is needed, as well as the need to remain adaptable.  Sometimes a step back is required to evaluate where someone is emotionally, physically, or otherwise.  The more we respect the truth that everyone processes their inner world experiences differently and at different rates, the less firm out expectations are and the more flexible we can be to a given situation.  The benefit of being “soft” is that we can respond with grace under pressure and allow progress to resume, even if modified.  What is too resolute and hard in its ways will often break.

 

Bear in mind broken toys are no fun, and leaving wreckage is irresponsible at best.  If we can accept the reality as it happens, then we can manage the consequences more readily and appropriately.  Managing the consequences (versus the intent) means working collaboratively, being clear in communication, and honesty with yourself and with all others.  Other than just managing the situation, we have to show compassion – care for another’s wellbeing.  Keep in mind to prioritize safe & healthy practices which will not damage or harm yourself or others physically or emotionally.  Take care of yourselves, of one another, and remember this is only a Part of your life, not the whole of it.

Conclusion

Sexual objectification focuses on use & utility, and while very exciting a notion, it often can sounds better in theory than in practice.  Be very honest about wants, needs, limits & risks, and focus on collaborative negotiation constructively for everyone’s success.   Bear in mind this is a form of conditioning, so take your time, there’s no need to rush, and being able to move forward at all is better than having to abandon ship entirely.  Since sexual objectification training is like any edge-play, there are increased risks inherent – be adaptable, flexible, and able to change as needs arise.

– Sir Vice
© Limits Unleashed 2017

Any type of training takes time , the first initial maybe 90 days , then depending on your goal 8 to 12 months. There is a conditioning  a transformation the slave goes through and this is a slow process. The training never ends it is a daily activity , that comes with consistency.

Vile