Archive for the Dominant Category

Obtaining Deeper Submission

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, codependent, Consistency, Dominant, Dominant and Submissive, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Training your submissive with tags , , , , on December 12, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Deeper submission is something wanted by both the Dominant and the Submissive , however many times the submissive will want but is clueless about how to achieve such a goal. This falls onto the Dominants shoulders in guiding the submissive.

While trust is a huge factor there has to be some guidance , in assisting the submissive reach their goals.

Training is huge , it will be the main factor in not only the Dominants goals but the submissive’s as well.  I have said this before having a plan before you begin training is a valuable asset , having goals , setting rules and protocols. I have found it to be difficult to implement any rules until you truly know someone. You can add rules or take rules away but to alter a rule can had adverse effects. Rules are to enhance the submissive or slaves life. While protocols are meant to enhance the control of the Master or you could say protocols are rituals. The last sentence were words from my slave Arianna.

I myself begin training and continue without my slave knowing , I am going to try and explain some different methods but training will vary from submissive to submissive or slave to slave. Each personality is different , needs are different and habits are different.

I was speaking with another Dom yesterday and I was explaining he had to be able to define himself and know what he wanted in a submissive and what his final goals would be. It sounds pretty simple yes? Well truth be known it is not simple and it is a lot of work and it is work that is continued for the long term. I was chatting with a Gorean Master who takes in part time slaves for a weekend , a week , a month , 6 months and so on but nothing is set for long term. My time is more valuable than that but I also realize we are both on different playing fields. I do however use some of the Gorean rituals and protocols.

First your potential partner must be real and serious, by this time you should of seen if it is what I call sub frenzy , or just a fantasy because once someone steps into your world it is game over.

When you the Master explains something it should be in such great detail , when you are finished there are no questions , but you will ask if there are any questions , this is done each time.

What is wrong ? That question is so lame it has no meaning and should be dropped from your vocabulary. Instead try this, What is on your mind? Boom the first question puts up a defensive wall , guarded not letting you in. What is on your mind? What are you thinking? If there is anything the words will flow like a water fall I promise you, this will make life show much easier.

A Dominant or Master should never lose your temper when it comes to your property. Anger shows a lack of control , if you cannot control your anger how can you control someone else?  You must be respected before you can expect someone to submit. Five years I have never raised my voice towards my slave or my submissive 5 fucking years. Why? My slave Arianna is in service to me as with Lynn , both serve me , both take care of my needs. Both respect me and both depend on me , I have never used fear as a form of Domination .

Training you must be fair and the few rules you have in place should not be changed or altered. Now this is just my opinion and it works and worked for me.

Everything is earned , nothing is giving and what is earned can be taken away at the snap of a finger and this must be known.

Sitting at the dinner table is a privilege not a right. Sitting on the couch or chair is a privilege not a right, watching TV , texting friends , using a pad , showering , doing hair, nail polish everything is a privilege and privileges are earned not giving.

You the Master wants full and complete control , you the Master wants nothing less than full submission. You the Master wants loyalty , you want your needs met service and sexual.

Clothes in the house should be a privilege , I myself do not allow any clothes on unless I approve , but I am dressed , my right not a privilege.

Trust , Trust is HUGE , Trust is the main factor in the beginning of any relationship but even more so in our lifestyle. You can forget about any level of submission until you have full TRUST. You the Master will ask the Submissive or Slave do you trust me? The answer will always be YES. Dude it is a LIE a big FAT LIE there is no Trust there they don’t even really know you , why would you even ask such a question? Do you know why the answer was yes? Because it is what you wanted to hear and nothing more. You will know when the Trust begins and it will not happen over night. Now while you have been building this thing called TRUST you can fuck it up and the drop of a pin , meaning the first time you get stupid , lose your temper , screaming , calling names out of anger and if you can and that is a HUGE if you can start to rebuild what you fucked up.

Controlling your temper is much like gaining trust it does take time and it took me a very long time to learn how to channel my anger into something positive. Thinking before you speak will be your best friend , taking that deep breath , a silent deep breath and think about what you are going to say. That one short pause can save you weeks or months of work.  If you have anger issues you have zero business trying to own or be someones Dominant. Do I get mad? Absolutely I do I blow the fuck up but and there is a but not at my girls. Never. Remember they are in service to me.

Here comes the needy , here comes the codependency , but first things first I have to say because I will get a fucked email , not every submissive or slave is codependent , there I said it so deal with it. At any rate here it comes and it will hit you like a fucking train and you the Dom will deal with it because remember ? You wanted a relationship , this was the one and you are now president and will have to take that call at 3 am or what ever time 24/7. You have to be there 24/7 because you agreed to it and you said you would. So man up.

Actions speak louder than words , Actions are everything , Actions are visuals and we as humans are Visuals we see and for the most we believe even when it comes to watching news. You know what I am talking about so the visual comment is real. Actions mean everything. You sat your submissive down and you painted this white knight on this beautiful horse riding down the trail and swooping the submissive up and taking her back to your kingdom. You opened the can of worms now either you man up or you tell the truth , hey I am just looking for a quick fuck and nothing more. Be Honest.

Say what you mean and do what you say , actions speaks louder than words , you can now start building that bridge of trust. You will know when trust is achieved because a whole new room will open up and you will see a whole new openness , you will see a whole new person , someone who now desires to please , someone who has the need to please.

I love the word USE , and the word should be used often when you first begin your training. Sex is much different in our lifestyle mainly because in my eyes it is my right to use my property when and how I want , again the word USE. In the beginning stages using your submissive plays a very important role and there are two reasons. One it sets the scene and two it puts your submissive in her place. Now comes the hard part like when in a vanilla relationship the male spends much of his time begging to get some pussy , while the Dominant see’s sex as being a right. Sex is about me and only me. Yeah sounds pretty cold but there are times I will please but that type of pleasure is my call. Using your property is a reminder , it puts one in their place.

Taking privileges away , what was once so cherished now becomes a privilege as I stated above. Again everything is earned and what is earned can be taken back at any time. Limit the places in your home in which the submissive has access to , such as a spot on the floor next to the couch yea that one and only spot. Sitting next to you on the floor while you eat, and the submissive must not begin to eat until you have taken the first bite.

I find speaking in thirds to be very effective taking the words I and me out of the vocabulary . Replacing with your submissive or this submissive. Your Slave or this slave , the words I or me no longer has any meaning. This is a reminder of who and what she is and what her place in within the home.

This is done on a daily basis you cannot train 4 days and take 3 off it breaks the cycle. Your property will make mistakes and and verbal correction is all that is needed. The first 90 days will be the toughest but you should start to see things fall into place. Some catch on faster than others and raising your voice or beating her ass make no sense.

You cannot demand submission if you do it is fake submission. You cannot demand love if you do again it it fake love. Putting fear in someone makes no sense , you gain absolutely nothing with the exception of a swollen ego.

Respect your property and never ask them to do something you yourself would not do. Never ask for anything that is totally unrealistic , or something that would cause someone to fail. Always be positive and praise goes a long , long way.

I give reminders all the time to both of my girls , hey you know I truly appreciate everything you do. This is positive reinforcement , it is a builder and makes one feel proud and will want to please more.

I am not sure if I left anything out?

My Slave Arianna’s Blog

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Slave training, BDSM Structure, Dominant, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , , on December 3, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2017/12/02/journals/

 

Two different people meeting at a time of need. Both searching for something , she had a idea and I knew what I was looking for and refused to settle for less.

Her very first real Master turned out to be a total disaster , the not knowing can get you into a lot of trouble.

Her first Master was somewhat abusive , no real communication , when she visited weekly much of her time she was chained, which I see no real problem with. If times were different she would be chained most of the time but hey I gotta eat. No real formal training and a lot of blow jobs. He was much older than she was and his health was not the best. A chain smoker with a temper.

Announcing the breakup the dude lost it , the losing control , losing his slave and not knowing why.

Then Vile stepped in we were introduced and it was game over for the chain smoker. Okay I smoked as well but had a plan on stopping which I did with the help of my little E-cig. Arianna did not smoke so it was not fair to her. So three years ago I quit again with a little help but I quit after smoking 38 years. Hoora for me.

We are two different people Arianna is much smarter than I am she has a degree , while I have a degree in street smarts. She listen’s to mellow top 40 and I am more of a AC/DC guy. Arianna is quiet and reserved and I am loud and obnoxious. I embarrass her a lot, and the word fuck is my favorite word and I guess I use it at the wrong time and the wrong place , but I am working on it I promise.

Talking to a Dom a couple of years ago after a MAsT meeting while standing outside he called me the luckiest mother fucker on earth , he said it was like a miracle fell from the sky right into my arms. That statement rings true still today.

Reading Arianna’s journals gave me a greater knowledge of who she was and what made her think the way she does. I grew to know her feelings and emotions , as well as the true woman she was. Her journals were deep and at times I had to  re-read so I could gain a full understanding.

Her Journals gave me a different view on how I would approach her training. What works for one slave will not work for another, the same goes for rules but protocols are mostly the same. While personalities change my needs do not. In the beginning of training it was made clear what my needs were and what I expected out of the relationship and what I expected out of a slave. I also made it clear I would not bend or give in when it came to my needs being met.

Getting inside the head , I have mentioned this a lot in my past blogs. Having a full understanding of the slave. You have to truly know someone before you can begin training.  When I speak of limits for the most I am not speaking about pain but limits when it comes to a mental aspect. How much one can take or if I need to move at a slow pace. Remember you are changing ones thought process , you are changing habits , you are changing all habits.

Once I started training I did not inform Arianna it had began I just started and over time I could see the changes , the positive changes that was happening before my eyes. Just sitting back and watching someone who is willing to conform to someones needs it truly incredible.

One of my main requirements is for her to get a full 8 hours sleep. Sleep is very important and more so if you are taking any type of medications. Sleep is important to the mind and body. A well rested slave is a good slave , more so if the slave has a full time job.

Training you are taking away ones free will , the way one eats , sleeps , walks and talks, the way one sits. You are changing the way someone dresses , makeup and hair as I have done with Arianna.

Most want the submissive or slave to start writing a journal from the start of meeting each other. I do not believe this has as much impact as those who have been writing. What is being written is what the Dominant wants to hear again this is just my thinking.

A deep look in ones mind , reading the good , the bad and the ugly. Truly knowing someone , knowing what makes them happy or sad, likes and dislikes.

In our way of life , there is no greater bond known to any human. There are however exceptions to any rule. Looking back at my Aunt and uncle on my fathers side I saw true devotion , and the greatest love for family. A great man who would do anything to provide for his family.

Arguing with your Slave is the worst thing you could ever do as a Dominant. This gives the slave a different side to you and the more you argue the more respect is lost.  At different functions I have asked people why do people argue? What is worth arguing over?  What is so bad that would cause one or both of you to blow up? Why would you as a Dominant or Master argue with someone who submits to you? By doing so that puts you on a lower level , that takes the dominant out of the picture , you are no longer a dominant your a pissed off man or woman if a Domme .

The journal gives you a deeper look being able to understand someones limits as I stated above. If you break it you have to fix it. If you break it and you cannot fix it you have really fucked up.

Make it clear from the beginning on how you plan to use your property , and remember training someone does not mean ownership , you should not be that advanced in the relationship , training is just that training. Training someone you are seeing if not one but both are a fit. Just because your a Master does not mean the slave you are seeing is the slave for you and it goes the other way as well.

Make it clear on how you plan to use, make it clear what you expect when it comes to sex and be very clear. Talk about pain , talk about humiliation. I am not as into humiliation as I was at one time but I do believe it is needed from time to time. Talk about protocols , put on paper. By putting on paper as with rules it gives a clear picture. Rules are good but protocols are much more important , protocols provides structure , and discipline and what is expected..

Arianna’s Journal is a good read check it out.

Peace out

Vile

Fifty Shades Darker

Posted in abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Cheating Dominant, Christian Grey, commitment, communication, Dominant, Fifty Shades Darker, Fifty Shades Of Gray, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Married Dominant, Master and slave relationship, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock, The Secretary, Uncategorized, viledesires62@aol.com with tags , , , on August 2, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Most Doms or Masters have skills many skills , be it play , communication , staying consistent in training among other things but one very important skill is the skill to negotiate a relationship.

I was somewhat taken back by the first 50 shades so when 50 shades darker came out , I thought okay Mr Grey can redeem himself.. Well that did not happen , instead he lowered himself to almost animal waste.

I do give credit for the books and the movies though it brought millions into the lifestyle some serious and to some they found out it was just a fantasy.

It is not uncommon to renegotiate a contract be it written or verbal. We continue to grow on a daily basis and our needs change. A Dominant may see where some changes are needed and may just act or he may sit down and communicate his needs. The Submissive or Slaves needs may change and may want to sit down and request some changes. I myself do not make a decision right then I want to take some time to think about what was discussed.

To see Mr Grey kneel about beg was truly disappointing , although we as Masters should show the ability to be humble at times, what Mr Grey did was truly humiliating to see him beg. On his knees admitting he was not a Dominant but still wanting to renegotiate , renegotiate what?

Most women loved the sex scenes , some were pretty intense but to put those into our world of BDSM just gives a false look into the way we live.

Outside of the movie jumping into real life, suck my dick , you broke a rule you burnt my chicken now ive got to beat you , or you failed to send my pics while your at work. I want videos of you masturbating , I want your passwords , I want your banking info. This is no way the characteristics of a Dominant , this is pure ego , insecure , the need to abuse and think its alright because your in charge.

Our life is so deep very few understand even those like E.L. James who tried her best to let people take a peak into our life. If you do not live something you cannot write about it.  Our life has such a wide base many do not understand but are very intrigued. People trying to interpret our life would be like me trying to write a book on how a nuclear submarine , hows its built and keeps generating power.

I have changed over the years , I have been the abuser , I have been the user , I have made false promises , I have giving false hope. Many years I felt women were just a dumping station many had no faces. My only concern was how to use all three holes.

The art of manipulation and for some it never ends , its a game that is never won , because in the end you crawl into your bed alone. This goes for both male and female, one thing we all have to remember we are a commodity and the older we get the less our stock is worth. Manipulation is not hard but staying on that path with one does not last very long.

Any man can find someone to suck his cock , or take it up the ass but to be able to take control , and finding someone who will give up the amount of control you want is an art. It meaning days , weeks , months and in some cases years to find the one who fits your needs , Dominant or Submissive.  Hours of conversation , days, weeks , months getting to know each other.

The Dominant must be secure , the Dominant must know who and what he is, the Dominant must know how to be fair, true and loyal to his word. The Dominant must make it clear when it comes to his needs and wants.

When you meet a Dominant and you are explained his needs and wants , how he runs his house and what is expected , if you have any doubts or your not able to fulfill his needs then he is not the right Dominant for you. If he backs down on anything he has presented and gives in , there will come a time when the subject will come up at a later date. The same goes for the submissive if you lay out your needs and the Dominant disagrees then you need to move on. You may meet 25 , 30 , 40 or even 50 Dominants before you find the right fit. You know within the first couple of minutes if you are compatible and if your not why even continue?

More of the community today is about kink and only kink , but there are just as many submissives and slaves who are looking for so much more. Most who are submissive are looking for much more when it comes to a relationship , although kink will play a huge part there are many other factors. Many are looking for security , communication , wanting to turn over power to someone they can trust.  Guidance is huge , structure , and yes even discipline when a rule is broken, being held accountable , but many who claim to be a Dom , or Master turn their backs on the basic ideology of the lifestyle , trying to convince the submissive they know the way.

Making a movie that is realistic , instead of a kinky Billionaire begging some girl for pussy why not a average guy? If the dude had lived in a trailer and worked at McDonalds then he would of been a creep.

You know if you just want to fuck why not just ask instead of trying to run a game , if your married why not be upfront instead of hiding your marriage like some little bitch. Ive met married Doms who cheat and once they get home they turn into the bitch. If the dude cant run his own home , if the dude cant control his wife or his house , if the dudes wife wont submit , then how in the fuck can he truly control someone else? The dude is living a fantasy , the dude wants to find someone to do things his wife wont do. Dont get me wrong there are some who are ok with seeing a fake married Dom and if both are ok with the situation then do it, but if you are married and misleading someone your balls needs to be cut off because your a pussy.

I hoped before watching the first 50 shades that someone would step up and show a true side of the lifestyle but I learned in the first 30 minutes it had nothing to do with a real Dominant but a man with control issues who suffered from depression, a man who wanted to hurt someone just for the sake of hurting someone.  A quote, Why do you want to hurt me? For your pleasure , really? Yea he said that.

Many do not take into consideration of the damage you can do to someone male or female. Leading someone down a false path and once your caught they put the blame on them like its their fault.

Guys , Masters , Dominants if you are who you claim to be you can live the dream, if you walk the walk and talk the talk, hmmm I think that is right? Your life could grown into something you cant even imagine. There is so much more to the relationship , its not about just sucking cock , or fucking some chick up the ass, it take work but the end result would be incredible…

Vile

 

 

 

Rules And Training

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, cock sucking, codependent, Collar, communication, compatibility, Dominant, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, MAST, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Protocols, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Submissive being used, training your slave on January 17, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

I get emails from Submissive’s and Slaves asking me questions about training and rules. Meeting Doms for the first time.

You meet on a dating site you send messages back and forth and the Dom hounds you for your phone number until you give in.

The first questions are how long have you been in the lifestyle, you state you are new to the lifestyle but you want to learn. BOOM first mistake you are hooked. You start texting back and forth hes not really asking questions about you he is more interested in what you’re limits are , are you bi sexual ? Do you swallow ? Do you do anal ? What is the shortest skirt you own ? Do you ever go without panties ? How often do you masturbate ?

So after being hounded you agree to meet because you are tired of the pressure. The place is classy probably a Denny’s in the corner . He has instructed you to wear a short skirt with no panties. You have second thoughts but agree after all you want to make a good impression. You are instructed certain time to text because the Dom is busy with work and works really crazy hours and when you do text most of the time it takes several hours to get a response or even a day or so.

When you meet the Dom still knows very little about you or you’re family and friends , what you enjoy doing in you’re spare time, music or food , just the kink side of things.

You are instructed not to make eye contact and you are told to address him as Sir. He does most of the talking mainly because you are afraid to ask any questions even though some of it does not sound right.

He spends a great deal of time just talking about himself , and bragging about everything he has done and ask very few questions about you.

Most likely hew ill pull out a collar he bought at Walmart or petco and throws it at you and you are now owned..

Now you’re training starts you walk out and get his car he unzips his pants and you are instructed to suck his cock. Keep in mind you have no clue who this dude really is, you have no clue where he lives because you do not have his address, you don’t even know where he works, and you are about to suck his dick.

You know in you’re mind this cannot possibly be right because you are seeking more but you will blow him just to please. These are guys who do not have a clue nor do they care about you or the out come.

The most difficult about training is being able to sit down and out a plan together. What worked with the last relationship will not work on the next. Every Slave or Submissive has a different personality , they have different needs and the out come of the training will be different.

You’re questions , why do you want to train me ? What is the end goal you have in mind ? What am I going to get out of you’re training ? What are you going to get out of training me ? Now this next question will stump a Dom who has no clue. What are you’re protocols public and private ? What type of structure will you provide? Do you have any Ex issues ? That is a huge biggie many Ex’s still have a hold on his belt. Am I going to come first ? Will I have 24/7 access to you ?

A few of the first questions a Dom will ask before even knowing you’re favorite color is are you Bi ? Are you poly ? Do you mind if I see other women ? What are you’re limits ? That is usually the first or second question believe it or not. Do you swallow ? Yes a lot of women do not. Do you like Anal sex? Everything is about sex and nothing about you.

To train you is to know you , You say you are a Slave but maybe you are not sure so there are questions that has to be asked and you have to be completely honest.

To train you is to know you , how you think , what makes you think the way you do, you’re habits , the likes , the dislikes what areas if any need improvement.

This should be you’re train of thought , although I have needs not wants but needs , my main purpose is to serve and please. The train of thought should be if my Dom is happy I am happy. Second you have to be sure you are getting the whole package.

There was a conversation about training but you enter the relationship and nothing changes. The only thing that has changed is he is barking out orders and he likes to beat you.  This is where communication comes in you should and have the right to ask questions, you have the right to get answers. If you ask a question and you get yelled and it happens on a regular basis then maybe you need to rethink you’re situation. Never I mean never let feelings get in the way of happiness that will fuck you up every time.

You have to be truthful from the start , if you tell the Dom you love being fucked up the ass and when it comes time and you freak out it will not be good. Honest you have to be honest and not honest just to please.

The Dominant has to be honest , once rules are giving out they are set in stone. Down the road a Dom may revisit the rules and maybe there is one he feels you  do not need any longer. Once rules are in place a Dominant will not change just because he wants to punish you. The truth is a Submissive or Slave will strive to be the best they can be. Mistakes do happen I know this and so do other Dominants.  If a Dominant has enough protocols in place very few rules are needed if any. Protocols are the driving force of structure.

When you first meet a Dominant you meet on you’re terms and you’re terms only , you can even go as far as picking the place somewhere on public. You pick what you are going to wear and how you will address him. Many will demand that you call them Sir. That right is earned after you have full respect for them and not until. Submission is earned not giving. Most Doms who have no clue will try to give you a collar. This shows the fuck is a total idiot and nothing more. The collar is picked up from a pet store or walmart and is just tossed across the table and you are told to put it on, you are now owned lets start you’re training.

I have had failed relationships some I did not care about others I lost sight of direction, or I was stumped and had no idea which way to go. I knew what I wanted and needed but had no idea how to get there. I could picture the type of relationship I wanted but was stuck in first gear. Most relationships at that time were just a matter of convenience. I had pussy on a daily basis and someone to suck my cock. I knew going in it would not last and would only be around until I got bored or she got to clingy.

A dominant is not born over night , it is not something you just wake up one morning and say hey I want a submissive. There is growth , the wisdom, learning to control the anger , and finding ways to divert the anger to funnel it out of your system. Learning words are far worse than being physical. Bruises go away words do not, not that I condone being physical no man should ever hit a woman out of anger.

Observation , asking questions , thousands of questions , Observing , learning , communication , learning how the submissive thinks learning what they think the way they do. Learning their habits , their needs, their wants. Tv , music, hobbies, reading the submissive like a book. Once you have that down you can begin their training. Training that will be effective , training that will benefit both.

You Guys , you Dominants , Masters you can have anything you want , you can have anything you need, you can have anything you have ever dreamed of, it just takes a little effort on your behalf. You have to be willing to put as much time into building the relationship as you want out of it. One thing you cannot take more than you give, if you do it will never work..

Good Info. http://bestslavetraining.com/

 

 

Lets Play Chess

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, Chess, Dominant, Slave, Submissive, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on August 23, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

Our relationship is much like a game of chess. We think each and every move, and the wrong move could bring great hardship.

We as Dominants are the King our Slave or Submissive , both are the Queen. If you are a single Dominant this is something to think about. Once in a relationship we now have the Queen, the Queen should be our main focus we should do what we need to do to protect. Okay maybe this may not be totally true in the Game because the King is the weakest, only being able to move one way and one block at a time, but it is more about the strategy , the thinking before we make that move. As the king we have to be able to control our every move and know there are consequences to each move.

Life is a Chess game every move we make can affect us good or bad.

When it comes to training it is almost like setting up the board , you sit back and think about your first move..

Several months ago a Dom contacted me wanting advice , my first words were you need a plan , you need a goal, you have to know what direction you need to go , not want.

Your Chess game must benefit both not just one, because if you try to play both sides alone there is no clear winner.

Vile

New Dominant

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, codependent, commitment, communication, compatibility, Dominant, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, New Dominant, Slave, Structure, Submission, Submissive, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on August 2, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/submissive

submissiveinclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; “submissive servants”; “a submissive reply”; “replacing troublemakers with more submissive people”

unassertiveinclined to timidity or lack of self-confidence; “a shy unassertive person”
obedientdutifully complying with the commands or instructions of those in authority; “an obedient soldier”; “obedient children”; “a little man obedient to his wife”; “the obedient colonies…are heavily taxed; the refractory remain unburdened”- Edmund Burke
humblemarked by meekness or modesty; not arrogant or prideful; “a humble apology”; “essentially humble…and self-effacing, he achieved the highest formal honors and distinctions”- B.K.Malinowski
subordinatesubject or submissive to authority or the control of another; “a subordinate kingdom”
submissiveabjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant; “slavish devotion to her job ruled her life”; “a slavish yes-man to the party bosses”- S.H.Adams; “she has become submissive and subservient”
It took me some several years to get my feet firmly planted on the ground, it took me several years to figure out who I was and what I needed. It took me several years to figure out exactly what I needed in a partner a long-term partner.
One thing I never understood was the  word compatibility or how important that word would be in my search.
It took me a very long time to realize I had to be me and in order to be me I had to find someone who was okay with me being me, and I had to find someone who wanted to adapt to my ways.
I spent years trying to change people and forcing change never works in the long run , forcing change is only short time. Compatibility is the key word. Someone  who was willing to adapt to my way.
If you are new to the lifestyle , if you are a new Dominant take time find a mentor, a mentor who has life experience , experience in the lifestyle a Dominant who has built a successful D’s or M’s relationship.
If you are serious take a year out of your life and take the time to learn. Listen ,watch and learn.
Just because you meet a submissive it does not mean he or she is the right submissive for you… Compatibility is 90% the other 10% is finding that fit.
You’re  life is about to change , this is why I suggest a year. You are going to add more responsibility to your life , you are going to have to dedicate another 40 hours on top of your full-time job.
She is too emotional,  she is to codependent , she wants rules , she wants protocols , she wants to give up full control,she wants to be trained and you do not have a clue, why you ask? Because you did not take the proper steps. You did not want to invest enough time. You read a book and few post watched some porn and now you are a Self Ordained Bad ass Dominant who knows everything.  well , welcome to a whole new world.
This is where compatibility issues come into play, this is the time you discover if you fit or you just walk away.
There are d’s couples who have none of the above , there are those who have very few rules and protocols. The Dominant speaks the submissive listens. If this is you then find youre fit. Please do not drag someone through your mistakes and the lack of not caring.
She does not listen , she does not follow rules , she does not follow protocols. What have you done to control the above? What steps have you taken ? What have you done as far as Discipline ? If you are going to put a rule or protocol in place you have to enforce it , if you do not your words mean nothing and the submissive will lose respect for you.
As with any relationship we have to invest time , when it comes to a D’s or M’s you can double or even triple the time you will need to invest.
The more the submissive begins to trust the more they will want to give and in turn will come the added responsibility. The bad news is it is never ending,as with training, so be careful what you ask for…
To help you get a step in the door , find a mentor , find a Dominant support group . the chances are there is probably a group close to you even a Dominant to mentor you. Mentorship I would imagine would be at least a year, and i would think a year would be worth a life long relationship.
When I am approached about mentoring , I spend a little time seeing if the new dominant is really serious. The bad news is once i agree it usually only last a couple of weeks then the dominant knows everything and they no longer need my advice.
Remember I am living a successful M’s relationship
Again just because you find a submissive it does not mean she is the right submissive. It also does not mean you are the right dominant.
Vile

My Spirituality And BDSM

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Acceptance, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Collar, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Relationships, consequences, Consistency, Dominant, Dominant and Submissive, fetlife, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Part Time Dominant, Part Time Submission, Religion, Slave, Submission, Submissive, viledesires62@aol.com on April 1, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

While I may be very outspoken , loud at times , I do have a habit of speaking my mind, in private or public. I am far from politically correct and if I think your bull shitting me I will be the first to call you out.

One obsession I have is speaking with elders , I love their stories of life from the beginning to the present, very wise and most information can be put to very good use. Each story is different , their life is different, some have had a very easy life while others struggled growing up. Some had a good home while other faced abuse on a daily basis.

While in Korea an Elder I met named Kim I would sit for hours and just listen while he spoke in broken English. The stories were very intense. The came the subject of Buddhism which i found very interesting.

Being in the army I could fly most anywhere in the world for about 10.00 dollars and my next stop was Thailand, this was mid 1980 I had just turned 18 and my first taste of the lifestyle.

Although Buddhism is a religion I never looked at it that way , the way I understood it it was a way of life. While at times when I first meet someone I am quick to judge , I try to set aside those feelings and give them a chance but most of the time my gut feeling was right.

I seldom give second chances but there are exceptions at times I am not sure why such as a friend I use to have Daddy M not one but two chances and he proved to be a pig.

I will help others if I see they are doing something to help themselves , if not I decline or I do not even bring it up.

most expect others to just jump in and fix what they have fucked up, remember 90% of our problems are self inflicting , this happens by using bad judgement , and not thinking about the choices and consequences. Trying to cheat the system , trying to get over on someone , be it a friend or even at times family.  I believe today family will fuck you faster and more often than someone you call a friend.

I have said this before I am not against religion I am against organized religion. Organized religion is evil, it is money driven, the poor feed the rich.

Live as you would want to be treated by others and give the same respect.

Today i am not a full practicing Buddhist but I walk with much of the beliefs, I do find time from time to time to meditate. I live a good life and I treat others with respect and I expect the same in return. The only down fall is some take my kindness as a weakness and those who walk into me blind are in a pasture they have never walked.

I can care and have great love for you but that switch can be turned off in a split second and never turned back on, this includes family.

I have nor do I allow drama into our life, I stop it before it becomes poison . The same way I handle problems , I handle before they become a problem.

To have a  successful and growing relationship both have to be honest and upfront , both have to be truthful and able to communicate their needs.

Compatibility is the most important thing when trying to build a relationship. It is okay to give and take on somethings , but if you give on needs it will never work..

The almighty married Dominant who is cheating on his wife. This is no Dom in any way shape or form. His wife wont suck cock or take it up the ass, and not into pain. This is a kink to them and nothing more. They prey on those who are submissive because they believe you are weak and simple minded. They believe you just want to be used and punished.

Your a piece of ass, only able to experience submission when the Dominant can get away from his wife. He comes to your place or you get a room. You suck dick , get your ass beat and your dropped off. Ill text you later..

I get emails all the time and comments as well one just the other day about seeing a married Dom that turned into a disaster , she was able to see she was just being used.

A close friend of mine was seeing a married Dom, why ? I do not have a clue. He could only go out when he had something to do, other than that he was stuck home with wifey.

So he moved and the relationship ended or so she thought, when he sent her a text she politely turned him down and all of a sudden he had found someone younger and told her to go fuck herself.

A few months later another text. Want to Fuck ? She did not reply and the text continued, so I decided to send him an email on fetlife. He would not answer me , but continued to text her and tell her how weak she was followed by the names again. I sent him a total of 8 emails , shrugs. I even invited him to a local function , but that went unanswered …..

I would think as a submissive or slave while in a relationship you would want the whole pie and not just a slice. I would think you would want to be treated with respect. I would think you would want to be cared for. I would think you would want to be more than a piece of ass. I would think you would want to experience the training process, the experience of earning your collar.  Maybe I am wrong ?

My way is not the only way , but i do have a proven formula that I have put together and used and in my relationship it works, and it works well. I trained to fit my needs , I trained to help arianna , I trained so that she could achieve goals, and Ive supported her. Being supportive plays a huge role , just as communication.

As always i got off track a little, but if you follow you know this already. I love sharing my life , I love sharing my growth when it comes to the lifestyle…

Much love

Vile