BDSM And Drama

First before I get started I wanted to share some breaking news.

U.S. airstrikes “are not going to save” the key Syrian city of Kobani from being overtaken by ISIS, said Pentagon spokesman Rear Adm. John Kirby.

Now on the good side of things. US Airstrikes were successful yesterday hitting ISIS targets.
The US hit 4 Toyotas a Chevy and a Hurst . While this may not seem bad. ISIS did take a hit on their credit score according to credit Karma. The 4 Toyotas were leased and ISIS did not have Gap Insurance. The Chevy was stolen so it did not count.
It also turns out the Hurst was the remaining band members of the Greatful Dead on tour in the middle east.

I would like to say I believe we are moving in the right direction.

I would also Like to apologize about a post I did last week.

If The Truth Hurts Go Fuck Yourself.

That post was not in my character , and I should have never posted it. I let someone upset me, because they Blasted my name out in a public forum.
While the outcome disappointed me it also did the same to Arianna. Acting out in such a manner is just not me.

The last thing you want or need when entering a new D’s or M’s or any relationship for that matter is a boat load of Drama.

It is not fair to you if you enter a relationship and someone just dumps their fucked up world in the middle of your floor.
Here you go now your part of all of my bullshit, for anyone to do such a thing is really self centered , non caring, and very selfish on their part.

If a Dominant cannot control his own life, how can he control you ? If a Dominant cannot take care of his own problems, if you have any how can he possibly help you ?

Any Dominant is in full control of his life, be it at home , at work, or out in the public world.
A Dominant will not show any signs of anger, or aggressive behavior. The more in control the Dominant is, the more you are going to be willing to submit, once he has earned your respect.

A Dominant who is not in control and has a lot of Drama will put all the blame on you. Everything will be your fault. You will be the cause of the problem is the relationship does not work.

Ego this seems to be a problem going around our Happy Little community. If your Dominant is ego driven he will never have your best interest in heart. You will never be his number one priority.

A Dominant who wants to share you has a huge ego and probably knows nothing about the lifestyle.

Before entering the relationship you have to put ground rules in place, and you need to stick by them. If being shared is a hard limit then speak up.

I spoke with a Guy last year who said before his slave could come back she would have to agree to a bare back gang bang, by the men he would choose.

So where does the concern about her health come into play? Is or was he really looking out for her best interest ? I would say no myself.

Being forced to be shared can cause you harm if not physically it could do so mentally as well, and you could end up dying in the end.

Keep drama out of your life , no matter the connection you think you have. Because if your relationship is causing you heartache , and problems there is really no connection.

Vile

Getting Personal With Me. Things You Did Not Know About Me.

Ass Of The Day

I was giving my nick name some 30 years ago while stationed in Germany, from this goth chick named Gretchen.

Music is an outlet for me, I love Yanni, I love Sarah Chang she is an awesome violinist. I love the rock band Cinderella, Tom keifer just has an incredible voice. I love KISS, but my all time favorite is AC/DC they just fucking rock.

I am very low Maintenance, meaning I am very easy to please. I never complain about food that is put before me, I never complain about clothes I have. I am probably the easiest man to get along with you have ever met.

I quit smoking January 1st after 38 years, two packs a day at 5.75 a pack do the math. I am still on the ecig. When I first started I was using 36 mg of nicotine, today I am down to 6 mg.

Those of you who could not guess I am a Libra, I am also a liberal although I have different views. If I were president, things would be much different.

I have a soft heart for those who are submissive and who are slaves. I enjoy helping people.
I have taking women in to my home and helped, and asked for nothing in return. Some did well after leaving, and some just fell back into the same ol same ol.

I love a good cigar, but since I stopped smoking , I am not ready for one yet…

I love fast cars, old muscle cars. Hearing the rumble,feeling the power.
I am not a mechanic, but some 20 years ago I had two 1972 Monte Carlo’s one was a rust bucket with a good motor, the other was nice with a blown motor. It took me all of 8 hours to change both out.

I love Blackberry Brandy, heated in the microwave for about 10 seconds. My favorite is Jack Daniels. I am a happy go lucky drunk, if I am going to get Hammered I listen to elvis.

If you listen to the Song A Country Boy Can Survive, that is me to a T.

I have shot two men in my lifetime , one was trying to car jack me with a knife, which is pretty stupid, and the other I shot in the ass while he was banging my girl. On that note I have never been in jail, nor do I plan on it anytime soon.
Warning if you try to hurt my family I will hurt you. If you break in my house, you had better be right with the man, because your going to meet your maker.

I fought the IRS without a lawyer and I won. That my friends is the truth. Just me oh yes my State Representative, why pay a lawyer when you pay taxes.

I handle things before they become problems, I do not allow any drama in my life.

I search out music that people have redone, other bands, or talent shows. Most of the music is better.

I like to be told I cant do something, I will prove you wrong.

I take the lifestyle very serious, I do live it 24/7. Arianna knows when we are not together I am a text or call away.

I do implement rules, my rules are not sexual, my rules are meant to help, meant to build structure. I do not believe you can have the same rules for different subs or slaves.

We I use the word train, that is exactly what I mean train. The first 90 days will rock your world.
Now speaking of training, you know Arianna and I have been kicking the idea around about adding another Submissive to our family.
Arianna is a Slave, she is a slave by nature, I am very firm with her, but I am fair, you may ask her. Her rules will be much different that the addition to our home. The submissive would not be held to the same standards , although the structure would be the same.

I do not like to be serious 24/7, the fact is no one knows when I am serious or not. I like to joke a lot.

I am very out spoken, this worries Arianna when we are out in public. When talking to others if I think your bull shitting me I will call you out.

I will never talk bad about another Dominant, by the way I do not consider fake dominants to be in that category, so those are fair game.

I live and walk by the truth, I have no reason to lie. A man lies when he has something to gain.

I get stressed as well , I just get quite, that is my thinking time. I never take my stress out on my partner.

It does not matter what kind of car I drive, in my thoughts it is my Jaguar. As I stated above I am not hard to please.

I am not a sadist, although at one time I was, my first slave was a masochist into humiliation. I did not have that need then and I do not have it now. Don’t break your toy.

I am an excellent cook, baking, broiling, or firing up the grill. When I grill I do not use gas. I love to cook and when I am off, I step in and help Arianna out. I know there are times she needs a break.

I am working on a book, Arianna believes there should be two. I am not doing it for profit, nor am I going to write Fiction, I wrote a story that was fiction and everyone hated it. I mainly want to reach out to those in need.

Vile Radio coming soon, this is going to be so much fun, my blog live on the Air……

That is about it if I happen to think of more I will pass it on..

Vile

The Fake Fifty Shades of Grey

2011 year of the Dominant. 50 shades of grey was published. The book sold some 70 million worldwide and blindfold sales increased as well.

 

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

  (Redirected from Fifty Shades Of Grey)

Fifty Shades of Grey is a 2011 erotic romance novel by British author E. L. James. It is the first installment in the Fifty Shades trilogy that traces the deepening relationship between a college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and a young business magnate, Christian Grey. It is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM). Originally self-published as an ebook and a print-on-demand,^[1][2] publishing rights were acquired by Vintage Books in March 2012.^[3][4]

There is much that has been left out. I read a little bit of the first book, and if your into reading a fantasy book then good, but it seems to many have taking it from a fantasy to reality, and not really having a clue.

The physical contact when it comes to BDSM is only about 5%, the other 95% is mental.  To be able I want to word this correctly  , to be able to be a Dominant you have to be able to get into the submissive’s or slaves head. You have to be able to stimulate their mind.We have to get to know the submissive or slave inside out. We need to know what truly makes them tick. We need to understand their emotions, we need to understand when they are having a bad day, we need to understand that when they are not communicating we need to communicate to put the submissive at ease. We need to make the submissive know we as Dominants will make everything alright.

I am not sure where or how the depression aspect plays a part, but I do know from my past experience most who are slaves or submissive suffer from some type of depression. I could not make this statement if I had only met two or three slaves , I could not make this statement if I had only met 9 or 10 submissive’s  Over the past twenty years or so I have met hundreds. Most were very dear friends. Then there were the handful that I used, even then I knew something was not right but I did not care enough to even think that something maybe wrong.

To really get to know the submissive we have to take a walk, we have to be able to get into the brain, we so to speak. We have to be able to open every door at each section and have a full understanding of what makes the submissive tick. We have to know what makes them think the way they do, what makes the submissive like or dislike the things they do. We have to understand their limits , we also have to understand when it is time to stop.

Most who are looking for the one, will bend over backwards to please. Most will take what ever you have to dish out just to please, but if your not inside their head you have no idea the amount of damage you may be doing, and they may have no idea either, until the after. I believe this is when sub-drop is most noticeable. I believe this is when the depression really kicks in. For the most I myself believe sub-drop is preventable through proper care. Most of the time when sub-drop is present it is because the two do not live together, or the submissive is not getting the attention they need. Sub-drop does not always occur after play, you can experience sub-drop even if your alone.

If you meet a submissive who is on medication for depression or any other illness it is very important to find out why they are taking it, what its for, then you research the different meds they are taking.

I know for instance Arianna has limitations when it comes to play, so I stay away from those gray areas. I know exactly how far I can push and I know exactly when to stop. We as dominants never want to push one to that limit.

So its like you knock on the forehead you open the door and you begin your travels, your going to walk through many doors, and your going to spend a lot of time in each room, so you are able to gain information, you will want to know what makes each room tick, what makes them think the way they do.

This is why I preach to those who are new to the lifestyle if you start out having sex then that is all you have. If you do not live together you are not grasping the true means of living a D’s or M’s lifestyle. Your getting a couple of hours a week or month in a motel room, or the dominant is coming over to your apartment. You are experiencing the sexual side and nothing more. The truth is there is still another 95% you have not touched.

Being a Dominant is not about barking orders, it is not about suck my cock or get on your back, it is not about anal training while your on your webcam , or sending video with your phone. That is not BDSM

Breaking down the four letters BDSM which you probably already know but many are missing the one word that means the most. B= Bondage. Sado= someone who enjoy giving pain, someone who enjoys humiliation. Humiliation comes in many shapes and forms. Someone who many times will push your linits to far and not really care as long as they get off. Masochism = someone who enjoys receiving pain someone who enjoys humiliation, someone who enjoys being used and pushed past their limits. I am sure there are things I left out but the one word I left out, is the one thing you are or most are missing out on D = Discipline

Disciple also comes in many forms and again it is not about barking orders, it is not about making up rules as you go, it is not about punishing, in fact if you the Dominant are in full control, punishment is far and few. The last thing a submissive or slave wants to do is break a rule, or disappoint you. That is the greatest humiliation they can experience.

D= Discipline does not have to mean punishing you, because you rolled his socks up wrong, or you forgot to send a video of your anal training, or fucking your ass with a dildo so he can jack off. D= Discipline means the Dominant is in full control. He is in control and not controlling. He is in full control of his daily life, he is drama free, he is problem free. If the Dominant is not in full control of his life, how in the fuck can he control you. Telling you to suck his cock, or prepare your ass to be fucked is not Discipline.

Arianna met a Dominant one time and he told her he wanted to go back to his place so he could start her training by sucking his cock. She did decline his most gracious offer.

Those four letters BDSM run so much deeper, those four letters have a definition that never ends, because I do not believe you can ever learn everything or experience everything. The learning aspect of those four letters never end.

Now to all of you 50 shades wannabes or you dudes who just want to abuse and use, or you are married and your wife wont suck your cock so you find someone who will.

I am living the DREAM I live with my Slave, I am served by my slave emotionally and physically. My slave who is my wife is my best friend, we actually communicate. I include the one letter and I am consistent on a daily basis. The letter D= Discipline runs deep.

I seldom drink the same type of coffee in the morning. Arianna keeps a variety for me. Almost two years now when I open the door she is kneeling, her hands extended with a huge grin on her face because she is happy to see me. On the nights I get home late my clothes are laid out for me. When I shower she is kneeling by the tub, once I get out she drys me off. There is not a day that goes by she does not ask me if she can suck my cock. She does not know the words NO or I CANT. She thrives to give up control, she is always thinking of ways to give up control. Arianna has the need to serve. All because of that one letter D= Discipline.

Many of you who are submissive or baby girls the baby girls are the worst. Many of you jump from Dom to Dom, hunting and searching you think sucking cock is your way of finding the rainbow. You think this way because you believe everything you hear , or your just that desperate. Why would you settle for less just to have someone a few hours a week or a month. If you are not living together you are not gaining anything.

Having a plan to make that move is different, even if your long distance and getting to know each other but then you decide okay one of us has to move. That is real , that is how you tell someone really cares about you.

There are very few blogs here on wordpress that are positive. Most is just about bitching or how much they miss their daddy. I did not get a call on my birthday , or I sent a text 3 days ago and have not heard anything. I get to see my daddy and it has been three months. It is really depressing, and I just fucking wonder why you want to put yourself through this, why take this type of mental abuse.

I get up in the morning with Arianna , I turn the coffee pot on and we drink coffee together, but I think many of you get up and you drink a cup of stupid, just to get your day going, a cup of drama extra strong, a cup of drag me through the mud. Let me have a cup of depression to get my day started…

I am not pointing fingers at anyone so do not take it to heart, but why in the fuck would you put yourself through such abuse? Why allow someone to come in and step all over you and walk out while they are throwing you a towel to clean up and say I will see you next month. I really do not get it, because all of you could be living the dream.

Most of you Baby Girls are seeing men who are married, that I do not understand. Because you have a 99.9% chance of him not leaving his wife, you are there because there are things his wife will not do.  Then your only getting his side of the story, maybe you should go see her, give her a call to see if things are so bad, because if they were so bad he would of already left. She is the one who had his children, she has helped him buy the house and cars, she is the one who is cooking for him, she is the one doing his laundry, and yes she is still fucking him. Why would you disrespect her? What has she done to you? Why would you want to destroy what she has worked so hard to build?  It is not a question will you get caught it is when, and I can tell you it wont be pretty, because when you try to destroy her world she will destroy yours. Why put her through his mess, his fuck ups? She has done nothing to you, and you could really care less. If your Dominant or Master or Daddy really cares about you, he could pack up and leave, money or no money, I know because I did it. I lost everything, but in the end left with nothing I was happy.

If he is fucking around on his wife, do not think for one minute you are the only one he is fucking. Do not think if he does leave his wife he will not fuck around on you. Think about that.

I am living the DREAM and if your willing to put just a little effort into your life you can as well. If you 50 shades of grey Doms stop thinking with the wrong head you could as well.

Much Love

Vile

Making Love Nah , Having Sex Nah , Just Raw Fucking

Arianna cooking dinner I get home from work walk over bend her over and push three finger inside her pussy, slowly fucking her until she starts to breath a little heavy, then I just simply walk away going about my business.

Being able to just snap your fingers and your submissive drops to the floor without question, even better tell them to go to the bedroom and strip and spread you will be there in a minute. Crawl on top bust your nut and get off. It can be that simple.

The thing is every Dominant , every Master can have it this way.  No questions asked, never. You can lead and they will follow you where ever you go.

Being a Dominant is much more than barking our orders, going to wal mart and buying a dog collar, changing rules when no rules are being broken and you want to punish.

I saw a post on Facebook not long ago a submissive was going to meet her Dom, and he was figuring out different ways to punish her, just for the sake of punishing.

The truth is most of you who except bruises except only because you think that is part of the D’s lifestyle , then there are those who except them because you want the relationship to work, so you will take what ever. Then there are those who truly enjoy them. There are Masochist who truly enjoy pain, there are those who need pain as an escape a way to release, but for the most, many of you just except it.

I heard some time ago that pain was needed to reach sub-space and that my friends is so far from the truth. There is nothing written anyplace that says pain is need to reach sub-space.

Sub-space is mental, sub-space is the connection the two of you have with each other, sub-space depends on how far your Dominant can get into your head, sub-space depends on the intensity of play, and it does not have to do anything with pain.

Okay so lets take the words BDSM we have the kink, we have the sex, we have the control, we have the bondage, the floggers, whips, cuffs, ahh the St Andrews cross. The list goes on and on, and while it is true all of this is a huge plus it is not the foundation of the relationship.

The foundation first and for most is the communication we have, second is the control we show at home and while out. Being honest, loyal, most of all truthful. You learn to guide they will follow and follow without question….. The rest is just a bonus, and the bonus’s just keep getting better and better. The longer you are who you say you are, the more your subs or slaves wall will slowly come down.. Once those walls come down your relationship has no end, it will continue to grow.

All these fake dudes the Fifty shade dudes who do not have a clue, the married dudes who do not have a clue. Their life is so fucked up trying to juggle two lives, hiding everything hoping they don’t get caught. Or the guy who thinks he is King Dom after reading Fifty Shades now he wants to be king master and he is on the hunt. These are all short lived relationships. The married one is not going to leave his wife, more so if he’s not investing anything into the relationship.  If your his submissive and your living alone he should be paying for part of your upkeep he should be helping with the home. I am telling you this from a mans point of view, if he is married he will not leave his wife, he has way to much to lose.

Listen to this you who are seeing married Doms, you are only getting one side of the story about how bad their home life is, you are getting their story. If their life was so bad, they would have already moved out, yes just like I did, they would of already left their wife and kids behind. . He can go on and on about how bad his marriage is, how much he hates his wife, but the bottom line is he is still there and he will be there when you are gone.

Now my question is how can you sleep at night with a clear conscious? How can you sleep at night knowing what you are doing to his family, destroying what she has worked so hard to build. Because what ever a man has it is because of his woman, it is because of his wife. Just something to think about because it is not fair that she does not have the ability to share her side of it. If his marriage is so bad put your foot down, put a time limit that he has to move out, then see what happens. It is not fair to destroy something his wife has worked so hard building, and the bad thing is she does not have a clue that things are so bad, because he will not communicate with her. Now if you think your the only one he is seeing you are stupid, and I know you are thinking the same thing in the back of your head. When you go days with out a call or email, or even a fucking text.

On the other hand if you do not care, and you are that cold you don’t have any feelings then go for it. To each their own I am not judging anyone, have a little compassion.

If he will fuck around on his wife, guess what ?

Now all the trouble you girls go through someone made a comment just a little bit ago.

You are a minority Vile… and are one of the rare ones to do it right.

Okay that can be a true statement but it is really not, you have to weed yourself through all the fake ones. It is like when you open a door and it is full of horse shit, your thinking fuck there has to be a fucking horse somewhere in here. So you open a door and there is a room full of Doms you think one of them has to be real. You have to be able to think with a clear head. You have to have a plan in place before you start your search.

Fuck Collarme.com fuck ALT.com both of those are meat markets to men, and that is exactly what they think. Now are some real sure they are but very few and far between. You have to be willing not to settle for second best, and many times you get the feeling something is not right but you go right along with it. You continue to go along with it even though you feel something is wrong hoping your thoughts are wrong, and you know most of the time they are not.

If you do not live together you cannot truly know the fulfillment of living a D’s style relationship, to know what it is like waking up every morning with your Master, following his rules, his guidelines there is no way to experience it. The little you get while on the phone and it is phone sex mostly, the weekend out of a month if that, maybe a night or even just a couple of hours. You will most likely spend your Birthday alone, as with all of the holidays.

So no it is not that I am a minority , because there are plenty of me out there. It is just you the submissive or slave taking the time to weed thought the bad to get to the good. There are Dominants out there that will more than fit your needs. There are Dominants out there who will treat you with the respect you deserve, who will treat you as their princess.

For you Doms in the lifestyle for a while, just learning or the Fifty Shades, if you play your cards right, the submissive is for your taking. They want to be used and used on a regular basis, nothing brings more pleasure to a submissive to be used. Some of you guys just kill me.

Lady’s all you need is a plan.

Vile

 

 

If Your With The Wrong Dominant

Finding the right Dominant or Master very important. Finding the one you click with, the one who has the same needs as well as the same kinks.

The one thing for sure is finding a Dom who is in control of his life and his surroundings . If he cannot control the simple things in life, then how can he control a submissive, slave or Baby girl.

Then you have the Doms with serious anger issues these are ego driven, again they are not in control, but they are controlling you, and you will take what ever is handed out. Either not knowing any better or your just happy to be with someone.

I believe a Dominant just as a submissive can adapt in most situations, I know myself If I truly care about someone I can adapt some, but I am not going to give up my needs to please someone else. Lets say an adult baby, that is not something I would want to be a part of. That is their need, their kink, but there are Doms out there that prefer adult baby’s.

If a Dominant lets say met someone who was a slave but he was looking for a submissive, but he found out they had more in common then he would be willing to adapt, change up his game a little, a baby girl the same. This goes more towards a Dom who has been in the lifestyle for sometime.

If your looking for a Dom or Master and you meet one, your main question should be. What can you do for me ? What do you have to offer? How are you going to help me ?

Before moving into any type of relationship it is very important to find out your new Doms temperament. If a Dominant or Master tells you he has been in the lifestyle for lets say 10 years but he has anger issues, the truth is probably less than a year. Being in the lifestyle for even 5 years allows a good Dominant to grow. I know myself it took me well over 5 years maybe a little longer before I was able to control what I would call my anger issues. It also took me sometime to realize that I was taking on a huge responsibility, because the mistakes you make effects the submissive your with.

Every Dominant is different, every Daddy Dom is different, as with every Master. We all fall under a different category , we all expect different things from ours, we all have different needs, and wants.

If you are a submissive , Baby Girl or a Slave you have a pretty good feeling to what your looking for. If not you need to sit down and think. Think about how you can see yourself living everyday as the submissive you need to be, what you want out of life and out of a relationship. What kind of rules you need to keep you structured.

A Dominant should have goals in life, he should have high standards  he should have high expectations in life, he should have the need to excel in life. If you have a Dominant who jumps from  submissive to submissive then something is very wrong. This is something you need to question. If you are getting the blame game then chances are he is the one to blame.

If your a Submissive then find a Dominant that fits you. Remember you are the one who makes the decision to enter a relationship. The same with a Baby girl find the daddy that fits you as well as with the slave. Each of us are unique and very much different.

If you are with the wrong Dominant you will never be able to excel in life, you will never have that feeling of being complete.

If you are going to lay on your back and spread your legs, or your going to get on your knees and suck cock, then make sure it is with someone who is going to take care of you and your needs. If your not getting everything you need, why would you give yourself ? Why would you allow yourself to be used ?

Your limits are things you feel strongly about, although some will be pushed it is very important to find the one who will respect what limits you have in place. If you tell a Dom that anal sex if off limits, and he pauses and says that is fine with me but deep down its not, down the road it will come up again, because you have something he wants and you said no.

If your not a Masochist why would you hook up with a sadist, or if your a masochist why would you hook up with a Dom who is not a sadist. In real life there are very few sadist who are Doms, and very few masochist who are submissive.

I know a Daddy Dom who moved in with a Masochist Baby Girl, he was not a sadist and he felt guilty doing some of the things she needed. It did not work that was not the only factor, but that would of been the killer.

I have stressed many times it is very important to get to know someone before entering a relationship. Make sure your both on the same page

You have spent time finding the right Dom , or Master, and your willing to do just about anything to make it work. Well the same goes for him. You should make sure he is ready to enter a relationship. He should be problem free, drama free, no problems with ex’s because if he as any of these things going on, how can he possibly control you, how could this be fair to you. Why you you be brought into all of his problems, his fucked up world.

In your search you may meet several before you find the right one, or you may meet several and decide the first or second one is the one for you. If you ask questions and your not getting the answers you think you should be getting then get up and walk out you owe him nothing.

I love this pic

Vile

Training Your Submissive Or Slave

The truth is many Dominants do not want to put the time or effort into building a D’s or M’s relationship if they are not going to be 24/7. Although I have seen some who do not live together and it works out just fine.

This is the hard part because I was going to say the Submissive or Slave has to be honest about everything. The Newly found Dominant must know everything. There is a fine line with what you want to share, with someone you just met. What ever reason the submissive just wants to run off at the mouth and give their whole life story during the first meeting,

I had sex at a young age, I was raped, I was molested. I have been abused in past relationship. I suffer from depression and I am on these meds the list goes on and on.

In the beginning you want to start of with the basics. What type of work you do, what kind of music you like, all foods you like, any hobbies you might have. I was asked recently on what the time limits should be before the two have sex. Well there is really no time limit it is what you feel and if it feels right then go for it. If the Dominant knows nothing of the above and it starts out sexual, then that is all you will have.

Also if you have any Drama in your life you need to clean it up before entering a new relationship. The same goes with the Dominant, no Drama, and no problems with Ex’s

If you meet online and your chatting, and within the first twenty minutes your asked if you swallow or do you take it up the ass, then just hit the X button and move on. It is clear what he is looking for.

In the world of BDSM a D’s or M’s relationship you have a mixture you have the Vanilla side then you have the D’s or M’s side, but you have to have both to make it work.

Arianna was telling me about a Dominant she was seeing out of state, their whole relationship was based On M’s and nothing more. He took her out maybe three time in 6 months or so, and it always ended up in a argument. The Vanilla was missing, not to mention he never fucked her well a couple of times. She was there mainly to clean house, and be in shackles all day, while he was on his laptop looking for another Slave to add to the family.

I however do commend him on doing the searching, most Dominant place such a task on the submissive, which is very wrong. The Dominant is the one in most cases who wants another, the submissive will just go along with the idea. So he puts the task on the submissive and has her post her pictures instead of his. I wonder why this is?

It takes time to get to know each other, you cannot learn everything over one dinner date. Remember the Vanilla thing. I know your anxious and you want things to happen now, yesterday. You need to just chill, and think with a clear mind.

The Dominant however will lay out his plans on training and what he expects out of a relationship. This is your cue do you stay or do you go? Can you meet his needs? Can you comply with his standards ? This is the time you decide.

You being the submissive you can negotiate the terms of the relationship. Your not a Slave, so this is your right. You can put the what I will do and what I will not do on the table. The Dominant will either agree or he will not.

Remember not all women like or enjoy Anal sex, or being face fucked. You may not be into humiliation, or hard impact play. More important you may not want to be shared as many Dominants will do, and be proud of it. Pass you around like a piece of meat.So it is very important you are honest and upfront about what you will and will not do. If you are no Bi and do not wish to take part make it clear this is a hard limit.

You the submissive has the power to negotiate the terms of the relationship. The Slave does not how every have that right. The Slave will either feel they can be compatible or she is not able to comply with the Masters needs.

With the Slave it is yes I can or no I cannot. When a Master or Dominant is looking for a Slave he is looking for something very specific, he knows what he wants and needs. Like me I refused to bend. To me a relationship was more important than just a piece of ass. Getting pussy or my dick sucked was not hard to find, but finding someone I was compatible with was extremely hard. If I just wanted pussy you would come over spread and then you leave. Why because there was nothing there.  Before you get all bent out of shape, this was all in the open before hand so both of us new what to expect. Lynn who I saw for almost a year until she got nutty, it was just about sex and nothing more. I knew there would never be a relationship and she knew the same thing. I had it made come over Friday night and leave Sunday morning. At that time it was perfect, but I started losing interest because I needed more. I stopped enforcing rules and protocols and we slowly fell apart.

So your Newly Found Dominant will start out by giving you protocols and he must be consistent with enforcing. He will give you rules to follow. Now when you first meet, he cannot possibly give you rules to follow because he knows nothing of you. Lets say we have a five day getting to know each other period. Maybe he can give you one or two the first meeting such as Bed time, or a time to email or text, I would think that would be acceptable.

I re-posted yesterday about protocols many of them I use on a daily basis but most of them I did not. Using protocols are a mind set. a type of mind modification the way you think or act public or private. The way you speak, the way you walk. The way you greet others , who you may greet and who you may not.

If we are out and another Dominant tries to give Arianna a hug she is to extend her hand, and a Dominant who has been in the lifestyle for any time should know that hugging someone slave is just a big fucking NO.

If your relationship does not have any protocols then go back and read what I posted pick and choose or make your own, use on a daily basis. You will see in a short time your thoughts on submission will begin to change.

Rules, Rules are meant for self improvement, for the betterment of you the Submissive or slave. Arianna has 25 that I set, but she added a few more of her own to help keep her in check. Every night before bed she reads them, unless directed by me not to. What is more impressive is after a year she can share them aloud and not have to read them. That was her choice not something I demanded.

If you have friends, then you should be allowed to keep them, you should be allowed to see your family, call and text with everyone. You should not have to give out your passwords to any of your accounts. This is an ego problem and it should not be excepted. We all need some privacy and there are parts of our lives that should be left alone. If a Dominant demands your passwords, then he is probably insecure or has a major ego problem.

The training is not hard, and you can enjoy it as well. It will be hard if your heart is not in it. It can be more hard if your with someone your really not happy with. The deeper you get into your training the more submissive you will feel.

You also have to take in mind if there is any type of public training. Again what you will do and will not do, no one wants to go to jail. You also have to think of your career as well, being known, being seen. What you are comfortable wearing in public, again what is except able and what is not. You as the submissive has the right to set the pace of the relationship. You are a submissive not a slave.

Vile

Your Submissive Or Slave Is Not Compliant

This happens all the time, I also here this all the time. The last was maybe I am not the Master for her or she needs more and I cannot give more.

Every Submissive is different , every Slave is different. Their minds, their thoughts , their needs, their actions. Each has a different level of needs. Some are real emotional , some are very needy, some become fully dependent on their Master, while others function very well outside of the home. Some need 24 hour care while some do not. Some need stricter rules, guidelines, protocols, while others do not.

Some act bratty , while most are very docile. Most are very quite and some are very out spoken.  Most are very Compliant , while some need a little more work.

Men who do not have a clue think owning a slave is about her sucking cock or just spreading her legs. Tying the slave up and just beating her ass until she cannot walk, and to a new submissive or slave these actions are exceptable. no questions asked until they start talking to other slave.

The key is getting to know the slave, knowing them as a person not just in the lifestyle. Knowing about their interest, hobby’s, the movies they enjoy, music. The foods they like. The Dominant should know the slave inside out.

Once this is achieved then you move on to different levels speaking about the lifestyle, a week or maybe more may of gone by before you should get into the kinks.

Let me tell you something, if you meet someone on line and after 20 minutes or so it turns to sex, he wants one thing and one thing only. That is your mouth or what is between your legs, and nothing more. The New Dom may hang on to you for eh 3 months 6 months but he will grow tired of you pretty fast. You will find out you will spend 90% of your time on your knees sucking dick, another 5% texting, and the other 5% being ignored

When another Dominant complains about how his slave is not compliant I just shake my head. If this is the case his game plan was way off from the start.

What rules you gave your last slave may not be the rules your new slave needs, or guideline as well as protocols. That is why it is very important to get to know your slave as a person , you have to become best friends. Because you are about to enter uncharted waters.

We as Dominants are looked up to, we are suppose to be leaders, we guide we share tons of information, but most we have to earn and gain the trust of the slave. We as Dominants should be able to adapt to most situations. Sometimes we may have to bend a little if we think a slave may be compatible in most areas that interest us.

The Slave will adapt to their new home, and most will adapt freely without question. We need to only provide a few things. Honesty , be truthful, teach and train , communication, and security. The slave will adapt.

Rules are put into place for improvement, rules are for the betterment of the slave. If more than half of your rules as a slave are about sex, what is it you are getting out of it ? How is you must worship my cock for the betterment of you ?

It is not that the slave is not compliant, the Dominant did not go into the relations with the right game plan, by the time you start to argue, yell call each other names it is way to late. You the Dominant has lost the game, pick up your duffel bag and move on.

You also hear it is the slaves fault , that bitch would not listen, I had no control over her. Ha that one word CONTROL I had no control over her. Now whose fault is that, certainly not the slaves, who was in charge? Who was the leader the Slave?

Another factor is if a slave enters a new relationship but she is afraid to end it, she will do things just to upset the dom, not follow rules back talk, act up, until the Dom has taken all he can. Still the slave is not to blame. I do suppose some could be just total bitches and give you a run for your money, push your buttons to see how far they can go. It is still up to the Dominant to remain in control, and stay in control.

If you have a bad temper, you scream, yell degrade when angry , how does that look to your slave. After all when you first met you painted a picture of total bliss, an island of peace, a paradise.

Some Slaves want to be broking , taken down to the lowest level of life and brought back up. I can tell you 10 years ago I may have been up to such a task but today nah not a chance. Before I met Arianna I was posed that question. I want you to break me. That is a great deal of responsibility  and I was not up to the task nor did I want to.

So when I hear the words I cannot control my slave or she is not compliant, I start asking questions, I get the same old answers, she is not real, she is just into head games , she is a joke to the lifestyle. Well it is not the slaves fault.

You the Dominants needs to be in control from the minute you speak your first words. You the Dominant sets the pace, you set the rules.

You cannot meet a slave on the first date and give her the almighty 128 rules and a collar. I see some old Doms using the 128 rules that some kid wrote 25 years ago, You must worship my cock, PLEASE.

Let me tell you something Arianna has 25 rules, she adds little things to her list frequently not rules but task. Every night when she ask permission to enter the bed she reads her rules then we talk, we talk about anything and everything. Last night was different we were laying in bed and I asked her what was on her mind. She said I thought we would go over the rules together, I looked kinda of confused and she handed me her phone, that is where her rules are. I said the first word of a rule and she was able to speak the whole rule without reading, and I just went down the line.

I have never told her she had to remember each one but to look at as a reference to read daily. That is how much she truly cares 25 rules recited almost word for word. Some of the rules are a paragraph long. In the rules I gave I explained everyone, I went into great detail about each rule, and she could recite each and everyone. I was in total shock, but I was proud.

If your Slave or Submissive is not compliant, look at your game.

I love this pic

Vile

Be True To Yourself

So many of us live a double life, we hide who and what we are. Some are even ashamed of who they are. I know sometime ago I went to see a shrink. I wanted to know what made me tick, why I had the need to inflict pain. My first slave was a full blown Masochist, and I am truly thankful for her and everything she herself taught me. After seeing the shrink for about six months, I realized she was fucked up more than I thought I was.

Today I am not so much the sadist, I have no interest in inflicting pain, although at times I do get kinda rough, but as far as leaving marks, that is just not me. The need for pain then was a release for me, now that I look back and think about the seven years we spent together. Her excepting pain was a way for her to release, but her needs went way beyond my needs or wants. I look back and I wonder how I was able to follow through with some of out play. The play was really intense, but more so shocking.  If anyone has seen the movie Dee Snider played in Strange Land that will give you somewhat of an idea of what our relationship was about. It consisted of nothing but pain.

The seven years I was with sherri I never fucked her, I mean never. She did how ever suck a lot of cock. She loved being fisted, but when it came to the sex part, there was just something or a feeling I did not agree with.

Be yourself living a double life is no fun. I am not talking about just blabbing to the world who are what you are, but be comfortable with yourself and except who and what you are. I know while I was married it was very hard keeping my feelings in. I hated not being able to be me.

Things are worse if your married, I know this, even when you communicate your needs it can be hurtful. If you are in a marriage and your not happy, come clean. If your partner truly cares they will except who you are and work to make things better, if not move on.

Anyone who knows me, knows about my lifestyle, it is not something I speak about everyday but I hide nothing., my family knows well as much as they want to understand, Arianna’s parents know again what they want to understand. Most who know nothing about the lifestyle when BDSM comes to mind it is about abuse, even when you try and explain, people only hear a small portion.

The first thing I try to talk about is the communication, the bond, the closeness, the trust. The fact is many men are just so close minded they cannot see the light. They are the first ones to complain about their home life, how miserable they are.

I was talking to a co-worker the other day, and he was complaining his wife had not sucked his cock in over 10 years, so instead of talking to her, he has two or three women he see’s on the side.

Just be yourself, being anything less causes so much stress, and confusion. I know it eats at you from the inside out, and will continue until you fix it.

Vile

I have a problem with the word No

Very few would not think I have a problem with the word No. The fact is I do when it comes to certain situations.

I was out with a couple the other day, and his girl friend wanted to buy some makeup, the word No came out. She looked at new shoes, the word No came out. She then looked at a few tops and outfits the word No came out. We were talking about the four of us going to Golden Coral for Christmas dinner, again the word No came out.

Rick is far from a dominant, in many ways he is really pretty childish, his girl friend is pretty much the same way.

I believe it was Thursday Tish asked me if I wanted to go to a pancake breakfast place, her treat. Well if you have seen the photo I posted in my BDSM group on FaceBook you can see I seldom turn food down. She asked if it was okay to invite Kelly, sure she can come.

The restaurant is located in a national park in De Leon Springs Fla. They cook your meats, but there is a griddle in the center of the table, and your pancake mix and eggs are brought out to you and you cook them yourself. Tish was our chef and an awesome one at that. Anyway Kelly was like a kid in a candy store, a smile from ear to ear, I would of thought she was 13 and not 33. She was just glad to be out, and having fun.

Rick has changed a lot being around me, he has grown up some, but does not understand my ways. or my lifestyle. He still has a temper issue, but has calmed in the last three months.

So we were at wal mart which I despise , and the word No , was his main word of the day, even when it came to new under garments. Not my relationship, so not my worry, but I wanted to find out his way of thinking.

Back at the house I am cooking dinner, I do enjoy cooking, and yes I am a good cook, somewhat messy but good. We are eating dinner, and I start to ask questions, about why he said no so much while shopping. He just looked at me.

I said here is the deal. This girl cooks for you, does your laundry, lays on her back and spreads, and your all about the word No. I think it is pretty inconsiderate of you, and I feel you are taking advantage of a good relationship, and when she finely see’s the light, she will dump you.

At times I view the word no as a form of abuse, the female be it vanilla or in the lifestyle really gives so much, and to say No to even the most simplest things , well is really hard for me.

The things rick was saying No to, were mostly needs and not wants. I do not consider makeup a need, but many females do.

Will rick change probably not, it is not my problem, kelly knew what he was like before she entered the relationship. I think the word No is his way of being in charge, showing authority maybe, or maybe he is just that cheap.

Maybe I look at women differently, maybe I respect women more, maybe I appreciate, more than most. There are limits, I mean  maybe when it comes to making a large purchase , such as a car or something, but then again if it is a need, how can one say no.

Vile

I spoke with Tish’s Ex Dominant

Wow I cannot believe how touchy some Doms are. I emailed Tish’s old Dom. Why? Because I can, and two There are two sides to a story when it comes to a breakup.

I wanted to take the hit since Tish did not want any confrontation , and now I understand why.. Being her real first Dom, and not knowing what questions to ask a slave will take ones word, and she does not really know any better. Or the same if a male slave has a mistress.

I was very polite , when I sent the email, I explained who I was, and my purpose for the email. and this dude came unglued at the seems.

The first of five emails were to Tish. Your a whore, your a cunt, you never will be happy. You are unable to make any decisions on your own, it just went on and on. As I was reading I am thinking this cannot be the words of a Dominant. Even though he had not put a collar on her, he explained he still owned her until Dec 21st.

Now just a little background , he lived in Ohio and she would fly up from Orlando, on the weekends. He would flip for 75% of the airfare, and she would pay the other 25%. So this had to be worked out before she left.

Tish still feels guilty about getting a divorce, like she did something wrong, but when it had gotten to the point where she was not getting anything out of her marriage, she did the right things. She stays in contacted with her ex husband, which the Ex Dominant found to be intimidating for what ever reason. It was okay for his to be with other slaves.

On Tish’s Birthday her ex Husband sent her flowers and candy, again the Dominant was upset. While I agree the communication should be limited , they were married for nine years and pretty much left of good terms.

I do not have an ego that can be crushed, I understand people have to communicate. You cannot just cut a sub or slave off from the world.

Outside of BDSM there was no real communication. Everything that was talked about was Master and slave. He explained during play, that she was to except his pain, this was the way she was to show her appreciation . Tish is not into any heavy pain, if she gets to that point she will ask, but nothing extreme, you have to get her to that point during play, but it does not happen every time.

So I contacted him, very nice email, on FetLife explaining what was going through her mind, but the reply’s were those of anger.

His training consisted of  having her nude and cuffed, she cleaned his house, done his laundry, and cooked.

Oh and the 128 basic rules which were written by a young Dom in the mid 80’s minus one and a couple added.

I disrespected him because I did not agree with his methods. While I did not agree I also explained , that while we were all different, and I may not always agree, you would never hear me speak bad of another Dom.

Many Dominants and sub/slaves on here that follow me do not agree with everything I say, I am not looking for everyone to agree with me.

Who today is not on some type of anti depression medication. At times Meds have to be changed, When this happens emotions change. So we as Dominants have to adjust, and continue walking forward, if you truly care about someone. A lot of subs/slaves are codependent , most are needy, most need to know they are excepted, most need approval, most need to know when they have done well, and not just the bad when a rule is broken.

If someone is emotional , you cannot tell one to take a pill and go to bed. Prior to considering a relationship these are questions that are asked. We then makeup our own mind. Do we choose to enter a relationship, or just walk away. If we choose, then that means we are willing to pick up the baggage , and take things as they come.

The foundation the two have to build, you have to start out as friends. As our friendship grows, I slowly begin to implement a few rules and guidelines. I have to see which areas in her life she needs the most help with. This should be the foundation of your rules. By doing this you are laying down the ground work, so you can begin to work on structure. Staying positive is very important. You want the sub/slave to feel needed, a purpose if you will.

A D’s relationship is much easier to maintain than a vanilla relationship in my opinion. Both enter the relationship knowing where each one stands. You both know what is expected of each other.

If we the Dominant are not willing to be there when one is emotional, talk to and hold, what is our purpose.

I we have a small group on FaceBook, I posted a picture of Tish. She is really very beautiful, smart, and caring.

I may post a few of her ex Doms mail, but some of it gets pretty personal. I will have to think on that. She also spent time with the Hypno Dom I posted about, who I also emailed but never got an answer. Others are now looking for him, and many have put the word out about him.