Archive for the Franco Bolli Category

Interview With A Dominant

Posted in bdsm, communication, Franco Bolli, Sir franco bolli, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , on July 19, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Today I am going to talk about a very good friend of mine although we have never met in the future it is my intentions to do so.
I also have one more guest that I am in the process of preparing questions for another Interview with another Dom.

I also plan on doing several more in the near future.

Franco Bolli has been blogging for sometime, and I am going to call him the sensual Dominant of BDSM. Mr Bolli has been on an awesome journey and is now in love with his princess.

If you have not guessed we are total opposites, when it comes to the lifestyle, maybe I could take a few sensitivity classes from him, because I am really lacking in that area I do believe.

Mr Bolli has a way of really expressing himself , in a very calm and sensual way. Which I do find very interesting. I do at times wish I could write as good as the others on here, but I am just me..

Here is his link I think you will enjoy his blog if you have not already been there.

http://sirfrancobolli.org/2014/07/17/reblog-red-flags-asmsg-bdsm-abuse/

Now the reason I started the Interviews with those who are Submissive and Dominant, is so everyone could get a real inside peak at what others are thinking and how they really view the lifestyle.
Sometimes we can blog about ourselves but when your asked questions and you answer them with honesty you can learn a lot more….

So here we go…

1 When did you first become interested in BDSM ?

I got interested in BDSM long before I knew what it was called. I remember, as a kid, getting warm glows in my belly when in series like Ivanhoe (1958-1959) or movies I saw chained women being held in dungeons.
Around age 8 I found in my parent’s bedroom drawer an illustrated catalogue with paintings made by the Belgian surrealistic painter Paul Delvaux. Those strange landscapes with sharp dressed men wearing bowlers and naked women with huge black triangles between their legs were a visual feast and my pre-sexual fantasies thrived on it for years to come.
The French movie “Histoire d’O”, I was 17, opened my eyes. It was what I dreamt of, fantasized about, wanted in a relation.
BDSM stayed dormant for decades though. It was about never finding the right partner. Of course I had a few flings but they never ignited.
After my divorce, when I had my rucksack back in order, I subscribed on a dating site with a more BDSM like profile but in vain.
I met Princess at a parent’s evening at Little A’s school and I instantly knew she was the one I had been waiting for all my life. We met each other’s needs, were completely compatible and gradually our love life roughened up. Princess and I enjoy the BDSM in our relation to its fullest and it has given us so much pleasure and fulfillment. We even followed a Shibari workshop.
So I think I’ve always been very interested in the lifestyle but until Princess never really had a chance to explore it in depth except for images, books and fantasies.

 2 When did you know you wanted to step into that Dominant role, and has it changed your way of thinking?

I’ve always been sexually Dominant, it is the way I am wired. For me BDSM and Dominance go hand in hand. Yet the D/s dynamic started later on in our relationship, months after we had welcomed BDSM. That too came quite naturally.
I am not sure if it has changed my way of thinking in a way that I am aware of. Being in an active Dominant role and enjoying a BDSM love life has freed me as it enabled me to be who I really am.
It goes without saying that at the beginning of our BDSM relation I had to get rid of some educational prejudices style “a man does not hit a woman” even if, deep down, I knew it is consensual.
I know Princess still has some moments, remnants of her education, when she puts in question her submissiveness.
Princess and I talk a lot about the lifestyle though, like about our viewpoints, fantasies, wishes and that is a very good thing.

3 You and Princess have really grown, what is it you have noticed the most between the two of you?

We have grown in different areas and we have evolved not only as a couple but as individuals too.
I guess the way we talk, communicate, and how we trust each other completely are, for me, first ones in a relation and extremely valuable.
One a more sexual level I can say I have never given myself so completely as with Princess and that too is vice versa.
As a couple we have not only become much stronger, as individuals we have gained strength too.
When summing it all up I can safely say that over time we have become, all levels of our relationship, One.
4 You have mentioned on more than one account you and princess going to The Fetish Cafe. What was the experience like for the both of you?

Playing at the Fetish Café beats playing at home due to the unique environment and the toys like a pillory, Saint Andrews Cross and winch. We also wanted to meet other people in the lifestyle. We eventually did and even hired the place for a few hours with two other couples for private play.
Going to the Fetish Cafe is fun, something to look forward to, a place where we can meet and feel at home amidst kindred spirits. We also like to watch and being watched while playing.

5 You do not live in a TPE relationship as of now, Total Power Exchange. Are there plans in the future for such a move?

Between Princess and I there is already some Power Exchange established. Princess likes it when in certain domains I take control. Planning our holiday like where and how and also making the reservations is an example. This does not imply I don’t talk to her about the plans.
Next to that and on a day-to-day basis there are things Princess is better at than me and vice versa so we complement one another.
I talked this question over with Princess and we both agree, TPE is not something that would work for us.
6 Being new to the lifestyle are there any rules you have in place or are you just filling things out for now?
We have only a few rules in place but I’m sure there will be more installed when we finally get to live together.
Princess is not allowed to come without permission. Her orgasms are under my control and she has to thank me for every orgasm I give her. When Princess is not at my place any form of self-pleasuring is prohibited.
When we go to bed Princess will always make sure to be in our room before me. She will be waiting next to our bed, kneeled. Princess has a red cushion for that purpose. She makes sure the cushion comes with us on weekends or holidays when we sleep elsewhere.
Princess’ body is mine to use whenever, wherever and how I see fit and Princess makes sure she is always ready to serve me.

7. Before you found the world of BDSM were you into the kink?
Not really. Decades ago I had fantasies about the world of swingers. One evening I ended up with married swingers’ couple and third man in their bedroom. It was fun but I knew instantly it was not what I was looking for. If you enjoy an ice cream with your partner or with a bunch it still is Vanilla. So it was a one-time experience but I learned a lot about myself though.

8. How has Princess helped you grow?
Princess has helped me grow in so many ways. With so much patience she gradually took away my trust issues.
Princess feeds my creativity by challenging me, by being my muse, by motivating me. Princess pushed me into writing again and for that I am very grateful.
Princess has given me the opportunity to fully express myself on so many levels.
Princess has fully liberated me, freed my spirit and made me into a much better man. A caring man, a loving man, an emphatic man, self-confident and with Princess at my side for the first time in my life I see clear and enjoy every moment at its fullest.

Much love to Mr. Franco Bolli, he put a lot of thought into these questions before answering..

Vileinterview

Vile

The Difference Between A Master And A Dominant

Posted in 24/7, Argue, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Behavior Modification, being used, Bestslavetraining.com, blog, Collar, Collared Slave, Collars, communication, Consensual, consistent, control, Dominance, Dominants, extreme, Flogger, Franco Bolli, Local events, Master, Masters, Molding, owning a slave, Pansexual, Protocol, punish, Punishment, serve, session, slave, Slave no rights, submissive, The Difference Between A Master And A Dominant, Top and Bottom, Vile on December 25, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I ran across an Article this am I found on a website I hope you enjoy.

http://www.denversub.com/labels.html

I suppose you could debate the two, who is who and what is what, but if you really think about the difference , the two are only similar in a small aspect of the lifestyle. While Both are Dominant 95% of the time the two live in two totally different worlds.

I will also cover the difference between a slave, submissive and a bottom. All three are very different and all three have different needs.

A Master Is certainly a Dominant , but not all Dominants are Master, within the local community. The term Master is usually those who live with a slave on a 24/7 basis. The title if we were giving one is mostly giving to those who are highly recognized within the community . I do believe that the Master and Slave is wired much different than lets say a Dominant and his submissive. I am not saying one is better than the other, or one has an advantage over the other, our lifestyle are just different.

The Dominant and Submissive. The Submissive , only submits when they choose, the play sessions are talked over before play, The Submissive will say what is allowed and what is not. The submissive will follow some rules but usually in the bedroom only. Once out of the bedroom there is still a Dominance and submissive feeling but not as noticeable as it was during play.

A Master / Slave relationship the Slave Submits once and only once giving up full control over their life. The only rights are those giving to them by there owner or Master, again the is mostly in a 24/7 relationship. The slave gets pleasure from serving their owner, be it helping with the shower, undressing , cooking, cleaning, and yes sexually. Sex between Master and Slave the Slave is more concerned with their owner receiving pleasure than their self, knowing their Master is pleased, is what brings on the feelings they are seeking.

Last night I logged onto FaceBook and I started chatting with another Dominant who also has a blog on wordpress. Franco Bolli. We were talking about the Holidays and he brought this subject up to me, he said.

For me there is a difference between a Master and a Dom, like there is a fundamental difference between a slave and a sub.

Yes he is correct, but those of you who are submissive and new to the lifestyle you really do not have a clue, or maybe you do but your afraid to speak up.You the submissive has the right to submit on your terms, when and where, and how. You have the right to follow what rules you want.

The word Dominant in the lifestyle is relatively new, , or calling someone their Dominant is relatively new going back some 15 years or so, when the pansexual revelation came about.. When BDSM started breaking off into separate groups

So the terms would be Master and Slave, Dominant and Submissive or Top and Bottom, Now the Top and Bottom really differ from the other two, and here is how.

The Bottom will dictate the entire scene , the Bottom will instruct the top , what they can do and what they cannot do, right down to how many times they can be spanked with a belt or flogger. The Bottom can refuse to do certain sex acts or bondage.

Again it is not that anyone is better than the other our lives are just very different. I know even here in the local community some Dominants are called Masters by their Submissive’s, and there is nothing wrong with that, it is what makes your relationship. It is what puts you the submissive in that frame of mind.

Remember the difference between a Slave and a Submissive. Many who are Submissive do not understand how a Slave could live such a life, While a Slave cannot understand how one could only submit at their will. Arianna does not understand those who are submissive, but she respects them. She does not understand how a submissive could talk back to their Dominant, or even argue with them. Arianna knows there would be great consequences if she were to question me, but this is the relationship we have.

Remember the above is just my opinion and nothing more. I have included an article that was written some several years ago That I would like to share, and it speaks about the same subject.

The biggest difference is the COLLAR Like Arianna since she excepted my Collar it has not been off one time. She even wears it to work without question. A Submissive will determine when and where she will wear her collar, if she wears one at all.

One of the best sites out there for information more so those who are new to the lifestyle is Bestslavetraining.com

There is a ton of information it will take you a week to read everything. It will also give you the submissive or slave some ideas on how your Dominant or Master should be,. Read you will truly enjoy.

The slave also goes through what some would call a Behavior Modification process, this happens during training. The way the slave talks, walks, how they act in public, around their owners friends, and yes even sex.

What really got me thinking was what Franco Bolli had said to me about how a Dominant was different than a Master in his eyes or thoughts. You can find him here   http://francobolli666.wordpress.com/

So here is the Article have fun reading maybe it was explained a little better and more detail than I was able to.

The last words are so right, Lets all be kind to each other we Deserve it.

Image I love this position

The article I found below is what I came across this am. All credit goes to.

http://www.denversub.com/labels.html

Master or Dom? / slave or sub?

Labels… we use them… we abuse them.  Disclaimer: this is only one person’s opinion.  You may find it helpful… if not, you may ignore it… Probably the most difficult thing to explain (and some would say impossible) is the difference between the labels we use to define us.  The most common argument occurs with the labels Dominant, Master, slave and submissive.  This page will include opinions… some mine, some borrowed from other sources.  I will attempt to credit those sources where I am able.  If you visit this webpage and see something that was originally yours, please email denversubmissive@aol.com and I will either credit you or remove it, as you wish.

“To be thrilled at the touch of leather, aroused by the sound of harsh words, or satisfied by the security of rigid bondage is the mark of a lover. To be thrilled at the opportunity to provide useful service, aroused by a pleased nod, and satisfied by the proverbial job well done is the mark of a slave.”
The Marketplace, Chapter 7, by Laura Antoniou writing as Sara Adamson

Well, that’s not very sensual or erotic, is it?  But it is a good definition of the term “slave“, and one that is used in our lifestyle quite often to describe a voluntary submission of one’s will completely to another.  In truth, very few “slaves” would apply this definition to themselves, if they are honest with themselves about what they require to be fulfilled in the role.  Most of us (at least part of the time), want the thrill of leather, the arousal and satisfaction provided by the role, and would be less than satisfied with simply service.  So, we modify the definition a bit.

Another common distinction between “slave” and “submissive” is that a slave submits only once, and that given her submission to her Master, she no longer negotiates anything with him.  A “sub”, by contrast, negotiates each scene, or changes in the limits of the relationship as time goes on.

A popular debate takes place over the difference between a submissive and a bottom (meaning the noun).  I think this one is solved fairly easily.  A submissive is a bottom who submits to the will of the Dominant in a scene, within the pre-negotiated limits they agree upon.  She does not direct the scene in any way and it is his choice which of those negotiated items he will incorporate into any particular scene.  By contrast, a bottom often negotiates precisely what will happen in a particular scene, down to how many strokes with a particular toy.  She does not submit her will to that of the Dominant or Top, and there is no exchange of power… simply a planned scene.  The verb form, to “bottom” can apply to either a bottom or a submissive, describing the activity of being the recipient of the Dominant’s actions.

I often tell those I mentor that you can picture it on a scale of 1 to 5.. with the submissive being 1 (“whatever pleases you, Sir”) and the bottom being 5 (“This is the way we are going to do the scene”).  We fall all along the scale, rather than at one end or the other.  This is what makes labeling impossible.  There is no right or wrong way to bottom… everyone should find the place that gives them the most satisfaction.

A similar scale exists for “Dominants” and “Tops”. The Top in a scene is the person giving the sensation or pain.  Picture the scale with the “Service Top” at 1 (“My pleasure comes from giving the bottom exactly what she wants to be completely satisfied”) and the Dominant at 5 (“Now that we have negotiated what is allowable, I will choose what pleases me”).  Again, we fall all along the scale… there is no right or wrong way to top someone.  I believe that most 5’s on the scale are hard-core sadists who derive their primary pleasure from the infliction of pain, and playing with one of these sadists can be a heady experience… they *enjoy* it so much!

Now we come to the most difficult: Master and Dominant.  Obviously all Masters are Dominants, but certainly all Doms are not Masters!  At least not in the generally accepted use of the term, which is someone who owns a slave and controls her life completely.  In some communities, the term “Master” is reserved for highly qualified Dominants who have proven themselves to be of excellent character and skill.  The community itself reserves the right to bestow this title and does so sparingly.  For others, it is simply a condition of the mind… the thought processes that a Dominant entertains as he tops… and some believe that the “Master” truly feels the ownership and responsibility of the slave under his control in ways the Dominant does not.  I tend to believe in “slave” wiring and “Master” wiring myself, and don’t consider them better, just very different.

The most important point I hope to make with all this is that we should avoid using labels to rate someone’s skill or dedication to our lifestyle.  Labels are beneficial in helping others understand us… but statements like “oh.. she’s just a bottom” or “he’s only a Service Top” do an injustice to us all.  Whether someone likes a lot of pain or none at all; total surrender or neatly negotiated play; absolute control or a part time play experience… we all have a right to pursue our fantasies and desires, and deserve better than to be labeled by the very people who should understand the most clearly how diversified we all are.

Let’s be kind to each other… we deserve it!

Vile