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Describing Your Power Exchange Relationship

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM TPE Relationships, communication,,, Master, PE Relationships, slave, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 14, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I was reading one of MasterMichael_S blogs and I ran across a very interesting writing .

How would you Describe Your PE relationship meaning your power exchange relationship.

The Article was written by Lady_Elsa on Fetlife.

Here I found a series of questions describing your PE Power Exchange Relationship.

This would be something good to for you to do in an at home exercise, and maybe even have your Dominant answer the questions as well.
Even if your meeting a new Dominant this would be an awesome list to hand to him..

Some , well most of the questions will really make you think , and I believe it will give many a very clear picture of what you should be thinking about if your thinking of entering a D’s or M’s relationship.

During our IPE title year, we did a lot of work in helping people talk about their relationship dynamics, and in helping people accept and embrace the complexity of those dynamics. But what about when things are really complicated or difficult to define? Even for someone who has lots of experience in breaking concepts down into manageable, teachable bites, a really complicated or fluid relationship dynamic can still make your head swim. So, I’ve been thinking about an expanded set of talking points, or journaling prompts, which may help people get a better handle on their relationship dynamics.

I’ve broken out relationship dynamics into eight levels, and my hypothesis is that if you can explain your relationship at each of these levels, you will have a very good picture of it. (Incidentally, you will also have done the relationship-processing prep needed to run for International Power Exchange.)

So, here’s my first draft in describing the levels. I invite you to try them out as relationship communication work or as a journaling exercise, thinking about your current relationship, or if you are currently single, about your ideal relationship.

Note that “It depends,” or “We both do,” or “This isn’t really applicable to us” are all acceptable answers at any level. Note also that the order of the levels is not terribly significant; I generally tried to move from most life-altering to least, but each level could be argued for a different position.

Level 1: How You Live. Who steers the overall course of your lives? Who decides where each of you will live, how each of you will be educated, and what each of you will do for a living? Who has decision-making authority over money, major purchases (house, car, boat), and vacations?

Level 2: Your Relationship. Who decides how much time you will spend together and what you will do with that time? Who assigns the labels, if any? Who decides when you will move to the next level of commitment? Who decides when the current dynamic isn’t working and needs tweaking?

Level 3: Other Relationships. Who decides in what ways each of you will be allowed to interact with other people, as friends, sex partners, lovers, or family? Note that it may be different for each of those types of relationships.

Level 4: Service. Who is in service to whom, in what ways, and for what purposes?

Level 5: Protocols and Rituals. Does your relationship include any ongoing rituals or protocols that are designed to help one or both of you remain mindful of the relationship dynamics that you have agreed to practice? What are they, and what are their purposes?

Level 6: Other D/s Experiences. Besides regular protocols and rituals, what other activities that enhance the power exchange do you participate in together at least occasionally? Explain what, and when, and who decides when they begin and end.

Level 7: SM Activities. Do you participate in sadomasochistic activities together? If so, what, and when, and who decides when they begin and end? For whose benefit are the activities performed? What are the mind games you play when you are doing SM together, and why? (For example, is it really done for the bottom’s benefit, but the top pretends to be selfish and cruel because the bottom likes that?)

Level 8: Sex. Is one person more of the “doer” or aggressor when having sex than the other? Does this balance change, or is it always the same? Who decides when and how you will have sex? Who decides when and how each person will orgasm? Are there SM aspects involved in sex, and/or role playing?

Some people’s relationships are basically the same at every level. They’re the ones who don’t understand switches, because switching is far removed from their experience. They’re the ones who are usually sure of their preferred label, or at least their preferred side of the slash. These people usually don’t have any trouble coming up with workable definitions of their relationship, and they probably don’t need these prompts.

But then there are other people who change from level to level, or even from day to day on the same level. Like gender queer people defy the gender check boxes, these people defy simple power exchange check boxes. For example, a couple might have a totally different dynamic in bed than they do the rest of the time, or they might take turns being dominant or submissive depending on each partner’s feelings and desires that day. Like gender fluid people don’t stay the same gender expression all the time, some people may be fluid in the ways they define their power exchange identities, even within individual levels. It’s more for this group of people that I’ve been putting together this list, because they’re the ones who tend to get confused and frustrated when they start trying to explain their relationship dynamics.

And that’s why I’m putting this out there. Because I would really like to see couples with rich and complex relationship dynamics running for Power Exchange regional titles, and for International Power Exchange. I’d like to see a couple with a relationship that is really challenging to explain get up there on stage and just nail it in a way that everyone in the audience understands. Yep, that would be awesome. So, consider this your contest prep homework! 🙂