Archive for the In Search Of A Master Category

You Cannot Demand Submission

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Anger Issues, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Collar, Bdsm events, BDSM Safety, BDSM Structure, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Dominants, In Search Of A Master, Local events, Master, Protocol, Protocols, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 14, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

You know you can spot the wannabe’s from a far distance. You can spot the fakes like an apple in an orange basket.

Sometimes it can be hard to separate the two if your just entering the lifestyle.

No one has the right to tell you that you have to call someone Sir , Master or Daddy.
A title is just that a title, at any rate it should be earned. Someone who demands such a thing has probably spent hours in front of a bathroom mirror practicing those words, You can call me Sir. You can call me Master.

Second you should NEVER I mean NEVER send anyone nudes pics of yourself. If you are just meeting this guy you knowing nothing of him, and you could wake up one morning and find yourself pasted all over the Internet.

No real Dominant would even think of asking of such a thing, and it really serves no meaning at all. There is really no purpose for such a request, this falls back under the call me Sir thing.

Many of you are intimidated when you first meet someone. Your meeting your first real Dominant. Your meeting someone you hope to spend the rest of your life with.
Being afraid or intimidated is no way to start off, so if you have these feelings you need to put off meeting until you feel relaxed.
Intimidation does not equal submission but many will try once they figure you out.

One of the main problems is the submissive will open up to much, giving out to much information. Information about your personal life, problems you may have financially , or even health, and family. Information can include problems at work, your insecurities , low self esteem.

The Dominant now goes into the rescuer mode, he is now the Knight on the white horse, and you see him as your guiding light.

This in the end makes you a very easy target. He will probably have track words he uses. He will tell you all the things you need to hear.

The first month everything goes well , you are the center of attention and you are eating it up.
Then things slowly begin to change and your relationship moves into what I call a dark area.

The Knight on the white horse is no longer the soft and gentle Dominant he was when you first met. Your thoughts or needs become less of a need to him. He then begins to isolate you, telling you , you do not need anyone else but me, thus cutting your friends off then your family.

He has changed , his temper now comes out , your told you do not know what your saying. You are made to think your are worthless, and you would be nothing without him.
Look at what Ive done for you ? You should appreciate the time I have spent with you, you should be thankful instead of being so inconsiderate.

Many of you have heard this before , and you fixed it by leaving , but many are still in such of a relationship , and your not sure how to get out.

One thing that is for sure you should always come first no matter what. Your Dominant should drop what ever he is doing and come when needed without question.

He should want to know what your thinking , what your feelings are , what can be done to put you in a better place.

When someone demands you respect them , or demand you call them Sir or Master their head is not in the right place.

You need to do your research , you need to talk to people, but most importantly you need to get out in the local community , get to know people.
The truth is you will be treated more like family than you ever have, you will find those who are willing to guide you as well as support you.

The one thing that many of you do not fully understand is , you have the right to say NO. You are a submissive the ball is in your court just as much as it is his.
You have the right to ask questions , and you have the right to get the answer you want. You have the right to question his intentions.

One thing I firmly believe in , is you should have all of your problems worked out before entering a new relationship. It is not fair to dump your garbage trunk on someones lap , and expect them to fix it. You created a mess you fix it.
You would be pretty upset if you entered a relationship with a new Dom to find out his life was in a total wreck.
Then you have to grab a broom and dust pan and help him clean up his mess, it is just not fair…

A little planning goes a very long way..

After all your goal is to earn your collar

Image

Vile

If Your With The Wrong Dominant

Posted in abuse, Acceptance, Argue, Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, communication, control, controlling, Daddy Dom, Daddy Doms, Drama, Finding the right Dominant, In Search Of A Master, problems, slave, submissive on March 16, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Finding the right Dominant or Master very important. Finding the one you click with, the one who has the same needs as well as the same kinks.

The one thing for sure is finding a Dom who is in control of his life and his surroundings . If he cannot control the simple things in life, then how can he control a submissive, slave or Baby girl.

Then you have the Doms with serious anger issues these are ego driven, again they are not in control, but they are controlling you, and you will take what ever is handed out. Either not knowing any better or your just happy to be with someone.

I believe a Dominant just as a submissive can adapt in most situations, I know myself If I truly care about someone I can adapt some, but I am not going to give up my needs to please someone else. Lets say an adult baby, that is not something I would want to be a part of. That is their need, their kink, but there are Doms out there that prefer adult baby’s.

If a Dominant lets say met someone who was a slave but he was looking for a submissive, but he found out they had more in common then he would be willing to adapt, change up his game a little, a baby girl the same. This goes more towards a Dom who has been in the lifestyle for sometime.

If your looking for a Dom or Master and you meet one, your main question should be. What can you do for me ? What do you have to offer? How are you going to help me ?

Before moving into any type of relationship it is very important to find out your new Doms temperament. If a Dominant or Master tells you he has been in the lifestyle for lets say 10 years but he has anger issues, the truth is probably less than a year. Being in the lifestyle for even 5 years allows a good Dominant to grow. I know myself it took me well over 5 years maybe a little longer before I was able to control what I would call my anger issues. It also took me sometime to realize that I was taking on a huge responsibility, because the mistakes you make effects the submissive your with.

Every Dominant is different, every Daddy Dom is different, as with every Master. We all fall under a different category , we all expect different things from ours, we all have different needs, and wants.

If you are a submissive , Baby Girl or a Slave you have a pretty good feeling to what your looking for. If not you need to sit down and think. Think about how you can see yourself living everyday as the submissive you need to be, what you want out of life and out of a relationship. What kind of rules you need to keep you structured.

A Dominant should have goals in life, he should have high standards  he should have high expectations in life, he should have the need to excel in life. If you have a Dominant who jumps from  submissive to submissive then something is very wrong. This is something you need to question. If you are getting the blame game then chances are he is the one to blame.

If your a Submissive then find a Dominant that fits you. Remember you are the one who makes the decision to enter a relationship. The same with a Baby girl find the daddy that fits you as well as with the slave. Each of us are unique and very much different.

If you are with the wrong Dominant you will never be able to excel in life, you will never have that feeling of being complete.

If you are going to lay on your back and spread your legs, or your going to get on your knees and suck cock, then make sure it is with someone who is going to take care of you and your needs. If your not getting everything you need, why would you give yourself ? Why would you allow yourself to be used ?

Your limits are things you feel strongly about, although some will be pushed it is very important to find the one who will respect what limits you have in place. If you tell a Dom that anal sex if off limits, and he pauses and says that is fine with me but deep down its not, down the road it will come up again, because you have something he wants and you said no.

If your not a Masochist why would you hook up with a sadist, or if your a masochist why would you hook up with a Dom who is not a sadist. In real life there are very few sadist who are Doms, and very few masochist who are submissive.

I know a Daddy Dom who moved in with a Masochist Baby Girl, he was not a sadist and he felt guilty doing some of the things she needed. It did not work that was not the only factor, but that would of been the killer.

I have stressed many times it is very important to get to know someone before entering a relationship. Make sure your both on the same page

You have spent time finding the right Dom , or Master, and your willing to do just about anything to make it work. Well the same goes for him. You should make sure he is ready to enter a relationship. He should be problem free, drama free, no problems with ex’s because if he as any of these things going on, how can he possibly control you, how could this be fair to you. Why you you be brought into all of his problems, his fucked up world.

In your search you may meet several before you find the right one, or you may meet several and decide the first or second one is the one for you. If you ask questions and your not getting the answers you think you should be getting then get up and walk out you owe him nothing.

Image I love this pic

Vile

My Slaves Life

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, anger, Argue, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Dating Sites, being used, Bondage, Caning, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, Daddy, Daddy Dom, Daddy Doms, Dating, Dominance, Dominants, Fiction, In Search Of A Master, In Service Slave, Kink, kinky, MAST, Master, Masters, Masters And Slaves Together, micromanage, munchs, No Rights, owning a slave, Protocol, Protocol public, punish, Punishment, Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, Self-Discipline, serve, session, slave, Slave no rights, submissive, Total Slavery, Total Submission, TPE, training your slave, Verbal abuse on January 7, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

While at the MasT Meeting Last Friday night we had an awesome conversation, and we got off topic several times, but the leader of MasT Slave S Looked at Arianna and I and said we have a very unique relationship, and wanted me to go into detail about how I maintain control,and it was and is still one word Consistency nothing more.

This is more about us and how we live our lives. Just to give you a more in depth look at a Master and Slave. We want to share this side of us.

Either you are or you are not. I will be the first to admit I could not be a submissive nor a Slave, but let me make one thing clear, being either does not make one weak, nor are they a doormat. Most who are submissive or Slaves have a great deal of responsibility. Most take care and run the Home, that is Arianna’s job. She insures things within the home run smoothly. Most of the time we make the food list together we talk about what we are going to have during the week. A lot of times we shop together, and when I can I cook. That is to help take some of the load off of Arianna

Arianna has full control over all money every week she gets my pay check, and my monthly bonus. She insures all bills are paid, and balances the checkbook. If I should want something I ask if we can afford it. I never question her ability when it comes to running the home.

On top of running the home Arianna has a very good career, a lot of responsibility. Her commute one way is 51 miles. To make such a long drive I had to insure she had good transportation, so in May of Last year we bought her a new car .

Our job as a Slave owner comes down to only a couple of things, all of which are great importance. We make things run as smoothly as we can with in the home and outside. We take care of any problems that may come up. We insure our property has a stress and drama free environment. The drama and stress free are probably the most important, but the most important is staying in control. Slaves are going to make mistakes, that is a giving. A mistake does not mean she broke a rule.

One thing we found out when we first met is we have more in common than just M’s that is also very important, it would be pretty boring if all we had in common was BDSM. The only things we really do not have in common is music and some of the old cars I like, other than that we are on the same playing field.

I do give Arianna free time to visit friends although she really only has one she visits but this time is important to her, and I respect that. Everyone needs a break from time to time.

If Arianna wants to buy something for her be it clothes, makeup, what ever I hardly ever say no. This is a type of reward. It is very hard to deny one who gives so much. Her favorite place to shop is Amazon.com if it comes with free shipping, she also loves thrift stores, she is like a little kid in one, really fun to watch. I do go shopping with her, I take an interest in her needs.

Just sit back and try to imagine giving up full control. Giving up full control to the point the word No is not allowed to come out of your mouth. Trusting someone that they will not cause harm or hurt, physically or mentally. Allowing your body to be used for someones pleasure.

The more control we show, the more we show we care, the more communication we keep, the more the slave will give. The slave will give without thought. The slave will have the need and want to give.

If you have rules or protocols , they should each be explained in great detail, so when the Dominant if finished the slave has a full and clear understanding of what is expected. If I implement a new rule I explain why I think it is needed. I explain it so there are no questions.

Although your always in that frame of mind Master and Slave you have to be best friends, you have to be able to talk, laugh and joke. I act nutty at times, I like to joke, I enjoy making others laugh. That is a very important part of ones life.

The key to training a Slave is first and for most the Slave must be willing, the slave must have the need. The last the slave has to find the right match.

I have stated before training is a type of behavior modification this is not done over night, in my experience 6 months to as long as a year, and it is something that is continuous it never ends. Again the key word and I cannot express it enough is Consistency.

Seeking a long term M’s relationship is something you need to give a lot of thought, for one the responsibility, and what the long term effects are going to be.

I know a slave now who lived in total servitude, on one hand she was lucky because she had sister slaves, but she rarely saw the out doors. Her owner has since past and she is lost, and will continue to be lost until she is able to find a new owner that will allow her to live the same way..

In my opinion if you have been in a long term relationship speaking of an M’s it would be most difficult for a slave to just pack up and leave, unless they are experiencing abuse, and then still after living in such a structured environment even with abuse it would seem hard to be able to function.

People today relate BDSM to a sex game, I have said this many times before, it is because we as humans are visual, None of the BDSM videos show what it is like to live a normal life. It is all about bondage and sex. The same if you google images, Bondage and sex comes up along with someone being beaten. Most of what you read are women being abused, whipped , gang banged, it just goes on and on. It is wise to read about real life experiences between a Dominant and Submissive, a Daddy and his Baby girl, or a Master and Slave. This way you get the real life of people and not just fiction.

If you are considering the lifestyle to any degree you need to do a lot of research, on all levels. Before taking your first step try and figure out where you may fall in the realm of submission. Maybe a pet , a baby girl, a submissive , or maybe just a bedroom submissive wanting to get your kink on from time to time.

Once you have somewhat narrowed it down, now is the time to find the right partner. I have always said the easiest way is to get active in the community. Hitch on to other who are submissive, more than likely they will be able to point you in the right direction. They will also tell you who to stay away from.

Meeting someone on line can turn into a good thing at times, but you really have no idea who you are meeting. Remember on line we can be who and what we want. We can pose as anyone, and your going to believe them. Most new submissive’s are really naive and are easily persuaded  with very little effort. I am not saying your stupid but it is the not knowing, the not knowing a lot. You not knowing can get you hurt.

If you ask people for advice and you get the same answer from two or three, then you should listen, in the end it may pay off.

So your ready to be a slave, being a slave is usually 24/7 TPE a Total Power Exchange. The relationship between two is consensual as it should be. Being a Master and Slave living apart seldom works, even more so if your long distance.

Second you both have to enter the relationship with a full understanding of what is going to happen, and what is expected from both. Remember there has to be a Bitch in the house.

This takes much thought on the slaves side, the slave has to help things move along as well. Think before speaking, or acting. Learn to control your anger , this takes practice just as it does with a Master. Voices should never have to be raised at each other, there is not need after all we are adults. If the Master loses his temper and starts yelling who is really in charge. Why would a Slave respect someone who cannot stay in control.

You the Slave, will lose all rights , you will have no say , unless and there is an unless, you are going to be harmed, or your Master is going to do something that could be departmental to the home, other than those two factors you have no say.

A slave if no children in home should be nude at all times, and available for use. Being nude gives the salve a more slavish feeling, being full exposed. The knowing they can be used at a moments notice. Being nude also gives a feeling of being vulnerable. These are little mindsets to keep your slave in that mode.

You are told what to wear, how to walk, talk, sleep and what to eat and how much. You will be instructed on how to act in front of others, you will follow protocols when out in public with your Master or alone.

You the Slave you are a direct reflection of your Master when out. You are expected to carry yourself accordingly. Now there are choices and consequences.

An M’s relationship can be a beautiful thing, it can be a very loving well structured home. As with anything you need to make the right choices, after all this is your life.

Be safe.

Image I will continue with more this week.

Vile

Why Dominants And Slaves Are Single

Posted in abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Collars, Daddy, Daddy Dom, Dating, Dominants, Fake Dominants, fucking, In Search Of A Master, Master, micromanage, Micromanagement, needy, Rules, slave, Spanking, sub-space, submissive on December 8, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have been trying to mentor a local Dom for sometime now. Him and his baby girl split on bad terms but are still living together due to financial reason neither can afford to live on their own, which makes Bad Medicine if you follow me.

It goes both ways as far as being single not so much a submissive or Slave but more so men who claim to be Dominant and active in the local community it does not take long to get a bad name.

The problem is these men do not have a fucking clue. A Slave in the lifestyle is not someone who picks cotton, or builds pyramids, but this is the way they see it. You are no more than an object that is able to spread.

Master M is really a good guy, but he has no concept about what the lifestyle is about. His profile reads I have been a Daddy for 10 years but probably 10 months at best.

I met him at a local munch with his baby girl about 8 months ago, and shortly after I invited them over for dinner, after they left I told Arianna they would not be together another 3 months well I was wrong it was only a month.

So I tried to talk to both and it was like talking to a wall, she was fed up and he did not want to put any effort into the relationship. He would spend all his time while at home on the computer looking for another female to move in.

People have disagreed with me before about this statement but here goes. If a man tells you he is Dominant and he has been in the lifestyle for ten years , are you just going to take his word or do you dig deeper?

Since Arianna had been burned twice maybe more than twice I wanted to make her feel safe. I introduced her to my friends who were also in the lifestyle, these were people who had known me for ten years or longer.

It does not take you long to figure out you have stepped in a mess, but sometimes it takes you longer to figure out the Dom is controlling and not in control. All they want to do is fuck and punish. You never go out besides the first couple of dates , you never meet any of his friends, you are stuck at home waiting on his call or visit.

If a Dominant is single and has been for sometime there is a reason. Knowing what questions to ask is very important when your meeting someone for the first time. One being what is sud-space ? If he has to stop and think, yea then you know. Ask why he wants a submissive or slave ? If it is because he likes giving orders, of punishing, or just being in charge, you know you just on a one time date. I promise you they will give some goofy answer.

While at a local munch a couple of months ago we were eating and i was talking to Daddy M and I made the statement if a slave or submissive has been single for a long time it was because she is nutty, as I looked up there were about 16 eyes just looking at me.

Well that is not always the case, many are just selective , and that is a good thing, many take there time in their search as you should. Many are able to wait it out until the right one comes along. While those who are new are just running full steam ahead, and not even looking back.

Another reason is a slave could be to needy to most, a Dom not wanting to invest that much time. When I was explaining to Master R about my relationship being micromanaged, he said fuck that, it is way to much work. Being needy is not a bad thing, many Doms prefer a needy slave. I know I do , I am an attention hound.

Finding the right one is very important, again spreading your legs does not make you submissive, sucking cock does not make you submissive. Your actions, how you carry yourself, your personality , your wanting to serve, the list goes on and on.

The best thing you can do, is make a list and keep it with you. A list of how you see yourself in a relationship. A list of your needs, a list of what you expect from a Dom. A list of what you do not expect, such as anger, yelling, changing rules midway , maybe not being shared. I know many who pass their slave around like a bucket of pop corn. Show the Dom your list, he will either say yes or no. Do not be afraid to speak up. This is your life, this is your body, this is your mind. Ahh the number two top things, NO DRAMA and no problems with EX’S.

More important if a Dom wants to collar you on the first date, just look and shake your head, watch him blow up. when you say no.

You get the picture.

Image

Vile

My Slave, This is Arianna’s Story Her Search For A Master.

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Argue, Arianna, BDSM Dating Sites, Change, control, controlling, Dating, Dating Add, Deception, Discipline, Dominance, Dominants, Email, Fake Dominants, Fear, In Search Of A Master, Masters, Mini Skirts, older Dominants, Respect, Rules, skirt no panties, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, sucking dick, Total Power Exchange, Total Submission, Train your slave on November 24, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

This email was just sent by my Slave and wife, she is at work today and I am just about ready to leave for work. She does read my blog daily and at times she does comment. Arianna for the most is private and I respect that.

This is the story of her search and I am guessing you are going to know and understand where she is coming from. The road can be long and scary. The key is to think before you act.

Dear Master. 
This is my response but I totally understand if it's too personal to use. 

The search
So, I stumbled into the lifestyle out of curiosity and need. A need to fill an 
emptiness. A void. A knowing that there was a deeper connection that could be 
had between two people. From what I knew of the bdsm lifestyle, which was very 
little at the time, i understood it as a viable possibility that this is where I 
needed to be. So the search began. I put myself out there. I went to a bdsm 
personals website and created a profile along with a real pic and info that 
included I was new to the lifestyle. 

The very next day my in box was breeming with inquiries. I sifted through the 
hey babys and picked three that I thought might be real doms. The term "real 
doms" for me was really vague. I was looking for older gentleman who claimed 
they knew what they were talking about and were already starting to give advice. 
There was a consensus between two of them that I should immediately take down my 
profile off the personal site because my profile screamed newbie which could 
land me in a predators hands. This gave me a sense that these people really were 
looking at for my best interest. 

Next, I started emailing back and forth between the three. I also started phone 
calls with them. One wanted to know something that I never shared with anyone 
before. This was a hard task because I'm an open book. Between the three I 
blurted out my entire life story. I babbled and babbled hoping that one would 
accept me for me. 

It came time within a week to meet the local guy who responded. I met him at a 
local eatery but he did request that I wear a skirt or a dress with no panties. 
So I did. The conversation was all about me and I was loving the attention but 
in the back of my mind I couldn't help thinking that there has got to be a 
better connection to submit, right? I told the guy about the other two doms I 
was talking to. I was very truthful with how I was feeling. I just didn't feel a 
connection and told the guy that I wasn't choosing him. That was hard but the 
prospect of him taking me home and fucking me, kind of disgusted me. 
The guy responded to the rejection by saying that he was disappointed because he 
wanted to start my training as a slave that day which would have included me 
being naked at his house giving him a blow job to see what areas needed 
improvement. 

So. Now there were two. The two remaining doms were both out of state. One was 
30 years my senior and wanted to fly me up to his house to spend three weeks 
with him. That was to be the first meet. I decided that the age gap was just too 
much for me.  And  he seemed to smother me. I wasn't looking for cuddling and 
spooning with an older guy. I wanted a Dom to enforce rules and put into place 
structure. 

Then there was one. Although I had already told this last Dom that I wasn't 
interested he wouldnt take no for an answer and I wasnt confident enough to 
stand firm and had The belief that he knew best. So after a couple arguments and 
heavy discussions we decided to meet. He flew down to meet me at a fancy hotel. 
I met him in the Lobby. He was a smooth talker. Asking all sorts of questions 
about me. It was all about me. And he started buying me drinks. I got relaxed 
and then we moved up to his room. He said that I needed to ask him to submit. I 
decided that I didn't have much to lose and the conversation was going so well 
and I could always change my mind, right? The last question was internal and not 
verbalized. 
So I said, Master I would like to serve you. Will you accept me? 
Of course his answer was yes. I felt a twinge of excitement. A new beginning. 
Then in a moments notice everything changed. His demeanor got serious. His face 
had a scowl. He turned scary. Then I was like, oh shit. I said, your scaring me. 
He responded that now I was his. We proceeded to get into a heated argument 
where I threatened to leave. He threatened that security wouldn't let me because 
I had too much to drink. I screamed fuck you. Then he changed again and gave me 
a whoo is me story about how nobody loved him and he wanted to take care of me. 
Really laid the guilt trip on so I conceded my defeat and submitted to him 
again. Little did I know that over the course of the next six months we would 
have other heated arguments about me leaving and each time he turned the tables 
on me to where it was my lack of commitment and falling back on my word. This 
was my downfall every time. 

I finally was able to break free. After six months. It wasn't a match. Never had 
been but I was naiive in figuring out what my needs and wants were in the 
lifestyle. I thought that every Dom was real and experienced. I believed every 
word they said. Never in my mind did I think that there was a hidden agenda. I 
didn't classify them as a normal male. Doms were so far above the vanilla man 
because they are confident and take a " true" interest. Lol
This is not always the case. I admit. I was full of anticipation. Full of 
excitement. It was a total rush but over time it was a burden with my first Dom. 
I realized that he was controlling and not in control. He would lose his temper 
and blame me and my emotions for anything that went wrong. And I took it because 
I was his property even though I was not flourishing. Even though I knew in my 
heart that this wasn't going to work. I settled. I got hurt. And it took me a 
while to heal. 

. 

I'm awesome now. I have gained a better understanding of myself. And I have 
found my "one". 

All in all my experience is like thousands of others just entering the 
lifestyle. We have stars in our eyes and fluttering hearts that maybe we will 
have our very own Dom or Master. 

I just wanted to let other subs and slaves and newbies know that it's pretty 
normal to trust. I think it's in our nature. But that could be a double edged 
sword. Trust should be gained and not given when meeting someone. I know my 
experience may ring true with others. I hope it opens your eyes that it's easy 
to be swept away when your guard is down. 

My openness was taken advantage of and used against me in my search. Also my 
attitude of doms not being able to do wrong. That they always have the best of 
intentions. That they would never harm. But what I failed to realize until later 
is that the lifestyle is like the vanilla world in that there are good and bad 
apples. It's up to our internal discernment to tell us the difference but we 
have to give ourselves the chance. 

Be careful and good luck. 
Arianna

Vile