Archive for the Local events Category

The Truth About Daddy Dominants

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, Cheating Dominant, Collar, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Daddy Dom, Daddy Doms, Daddy's Baby Girl, Discipline, Dominance, Dominant, Dominants, Dominants Protocol, Fake Dominants, fuck buddy, kinky, Local events, MAST, Master And Slave, Masters And Slaves Together, Rules, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 9, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

First I am not speaking about every Daddy Dominant in the lifestyle , I am however speaking about 98% or higher .
Baby Girls in the lifestyle for the most are really different than those who are submissive or even a Slave. Most Baby Girls do not live with their Daddy Dominants, while I am not sure what the numbers are the percentage is very high.

Most Daddy Dominants are married and cheating , most Baby Girls do not care that they could be responsible for ripping a family apart because they are selfish. Selfish enough to try and separate the father from his children. In those cases I look down on both and I have zero respect for either.

Baby Girls first coming into the lifestyle are very vulnerable, all are really clueless when it comes to the lifestyle. Most if not all are clueless when it comes to finding a good Dominant.

So A week or so ago I was speaking with a Baby Girl who mentioned the same thing I am speaking about , how the Doms wanted a relationship but they did not want the responsibility.

So while chatting with this Baby girl she told me she had been talking to a Daddy Dom or maybe just a Dom , but when I asked if he was married she said luckily no , she too has had the same problem with married Dominants.

Again I am not speaking about all Daddy Doms , there are some good ones out there who have their baby girls best interest at heart.

You know I spent almost 7 years in a Daddy Dom role , I will also be the first to admit that was a bad turning point in my relationship but I did it because it was a need for the slave, little did I know she saw that as a weakness in me , because I was willing to change who I was.

My role was not an easy one , I set goals for her , and I made sure they were followed through with. I had rules , and protocols that were followed. Again the weakness was me changing who I was.

Once your Baby girl , submissive or slave spots a weakness they will prey on that to see how far they can push you.

While our relationship is strictly an M’s , it is based more on structure , rules and protocols. I have never left a mark on Arianna , the key word here being NEVER. One I know her limits and I respect them , two I care to much for her.

This statement is going to hit some nerves. The term Daddy Dom is somewhat new to the lifestyle. Another for the most I do not even think in a Daddy baby girl relationship the term BDSM should even be used. The main reason being many do not have rules , many do not have protocols , nor any type of structure. The final the only time a collar is put on is during play.
While at a MasT meeting sometime ago a Daddy Dom called me aside and told me I was abusing Arianna, I should not even be in the lifestyle because I did not know what I was doing. He said I was to strict, and I did not give her any freedom.
I thought for a second and I asked his what was he even doing at a MasT meeting. MasT means Masters And Slaves Together.
I have been approached by Dominants who have asked me basically the same thing. These are people who do not have a true understanding of what the dynamics of a M’s relationship is really about.
Again this is not my thoughts to all Daddys Doms within the lifestyle.
However there is a reason why you do not see many Daddy , Baby girl relationships active in the local community, who knows?

Books are an excellent reference , and you can obtain a great deal of information from books , good and bad , but you cannot live your life according to what someone else has written it will not work. We as humans have different needs , different kinks , we need different structure , and rules. Books can give you an out line but in the end your just reading someones opinion, just like my blog.

Most Daddy Doms do not collar their property, well the first meeting but after that the collar is not brought up except during play.

We need to learn to accept everyone for who they are , and what would help is maybe learning to understand our friends a lot more. The more we understand the more we grow, the more we grow , then we are open to more ideas.

I have a very dear friend Master R , him and I live total different separate lives , we both have total different views on how a M’s relationship should be ran, how a house should be ran, but we are open enough to understand we both have different needs. We also know we can depend on each other , and today in the lifestyle that is really hard.

That is why when you first meet someone being able to clearly communicate is so important, being able to understand where each other is coming from. Knowing what is expected of each other. How you see yourself in a relationship , be it Daddy Dom Baby Girl , Dominant , and Submissive or Master and Slave.

I have said this before , my way is not the only way, and just with any book , after reading some 1000 post maybe you can lay the ground work to something awesome…

Again there are a few Daddy Dominants I respect but for the most man I cant even say.

Many who call themselves Daddy Doms are married and want a piece of ass on the side. So you sit and wait and wait and wait for that call or text and then you get a couple of hours alone, then you wait another two weeks or a month and in some cases longer. You are an object and if you are happy being an object then so be it I am happy for you.

Daddy

Vile

You Cannot Demand Submission

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Anger Issues, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Collar, Bdsm events, BDSM Safety, BDSM Structure, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Dominants, In Search Of A Master, Local events, Master, Protocol, Protocols, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 14, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

You know you can spot the wannabe’s from a far distance. You can spot the fakes like an apple in an orange basket.

Sometimes it can be hard to separate the two if your just entering the lifestyle.

No one has the right to tell you that you have to call someone Sir , Master or Daddy.
A title is just that a title, at any rate it should be earned. Someone who demands such a thing has probably spent hours in front of a bathroom mirror practicing those words, You can call me Sir. You can call me Master.

Second you should NEVER I mean NEVER send anyone nudes pics of yourself. If you are just meeting this guy you knowing nothing of him, and you could wake up one morning and find yourself pasted all over the Internet.

No real Dominant would even think of asking of such a thing, and it really serves no meaning at all. There is really no purpose for such a request, this falls back under the call me Sir thing.

Many of you are intimidated when you first meet someone. Your meeting your first real Dominant. Your meeting someone you hope to spend the rest of your life with.
Being afraid or intimidated is no way to start off, so if you have these feelings you need to put off meeting until you feel relaxed.
Intimidation does not equal submission but many will try once they figure you out.

One of the main problems is the submissive will open up to much, giving out to much information. Information about your personal life, problems you may have financially , or even health, and family. Information can include problems at work, your insecurities , low self esteem.

The Dominant now goes into the rescuer mode, he is now the Knight on the white horse, and you see him as your guiding light.

This in the end makes you a very easy target. He will probably have track words he uses. He will tell you all the things you need to hear.

The first month everything goes well , you are the center of attention and you are eating it up.
Then things slowly begin to change and your relationship moves into what I call a dark area.

The Knight on the white horse is no longer the soft and gentle Dominant he was when you first met. Your thoughts or needs become less of a need to him. He then begins to isolate you, telling you , you do not need anyone else but me, thus cutting your friends off then your family.

He has changed , his temper now comes out , your told you do not know what your saying. You are made to think your are worthless, and you would be nothing without him.
Look at what Ive done for you ? You should appreciate the time I have spent with you, you should be thankful instead of being so inconsiderate.

Many of you have heard this before , and you fixed it by leaving , but many are still in such of a relationship , and your not sure how to get out.

One thing that is for sure you should always come first no matter what. Your Dominant should drop what ever he is doing and come when needed without question.

He should want to know what your thinking , what your feelings are , what can be done to put you in a better place.

When someone demands you respect them , or demand you call them Sir or Master their head is not in the right place.

You need to do your research , you need to talk to people, but most importantly you need to get out in the local community , get to know people.
The truth is you will be treated more like family than you ever have, you will find those who are willing to guide you as well as support you.

The one thing that many of you do not fully understand is , you have the right to say NO. You are a submissive the ball is in your court just as much as it is his.
You have the right to ask questions , and you have the right to get the answer you want. You have the right to question his intentions.

One thing I firmly believe in , is you should have all of your problems worked out before entering a new relationship. It is not fair to dump your garbage trunk on someones lap , and expect them to fix it. You created a mess you fix it.
You would be pretty upset if you entered a relationship with a new Dom to find out his life was in a total wreck.
Then you have to grab a broom and dust pan and help him clean up his mess, it is just not fair…

A little planning goes a very long way..

After all your goal is to earn your collar

Image

Vile

What Do You As A Submissive Want Out Of Life

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, bdsm, communication, Consensual, consequences, consistent, control, controlling, Dominant, gullible submissive, Keeping submissive Isolated, Local events, Rules, sex, slave, Slave Trainer, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used, sucking cock, sucking dick, The World Of BDSM, Thekinkyworldofvile, Total Power Exchange, Total Solitude, Total Submission, TPE, Train your slave, Training your submissive on May 8, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I use the word Submissive because I think Slaves are becoming harder and harder to find, maybe we should get congress to put Slaves on the endangered list.

What is it you want out of life ? Where do you see yourself a month from now ? Where do you see yourself 6months from now? Where do you see yourself 5 years from now ?

Many who are submissive spend more time jumping from Dom to Dom, and if you continue you will never build anything. You spend 5 % of your time struggling trying to hold the relationship together hoping things will get better, then you spend the other 95% sucking cock or on your back. Still hoping things will get better.

I cannot even begin to imagine what goes through your minds when your in a bad relationship and your being used. Being used is just not about sex, but when it comes to sex I still cannot imagine what goes through your mind while your being fucked.

The problem you are having is you have no plan in place. You really do not have a clue what to expect once you open the door to BDSM. Then you instantly believe what your told. You are kelp isolated from the world. You hear the words of one person. Again I cannot imagine how you would feel being so alone and isolated from the world, even more while being in an abusive relationship.

You have no plan at all , you have no questions, even if you do your to scared to ask. Your to scared to question a Dom when you have not even agreed to submit. Your to afraid to question him in fear he will reject you, and I know rejection is a mother fucker. Being rejected makes you feel like you have walked off the edge of the world and your just falling. The truth is sometimes falling is much better than going through a bunch of bullshit you have no control over. Then you spend days, weeks and months crying over some dickhead who abused you for 6 months to a year.

What kind of life do you want to live as a submissive? I am sure you all have some sort of idea , I am sure you all have a clear picture in your head. I am sure you have thoughts about how you want to be treated. If you have this idea or this picture, or you have needs, why would you let someone destroy your dream, because you believe he is the only one?

Those who are real will encourage you to make friends in the community. Those who are real will take you to local functions. Those who are real and have been in the lifestyle for a reasonable amount of time will introduce you to other Dominants. Introducing you to other Dominants is a need. Every Dominant wants to show off his property. Other Dominants are proud of their property.

From the time you agree to be someones submissive, your training will start. The Dominant may tell you it has started but you will never heard the words training is complete because it really is never over. We learn and grow daily.

The Dominant already has a plan he already knows what he is going to do , he already knows what he is going to implement and what he is not. Training does take a little time, because what worked with the last submissive may not work with you. This is the getting to know each other time.

You cannot enter a D’s or M’s relationship without some type of plan. Before you agree to enter such a relationship, you need to share your plan, you need to make sure both of you are on the same page.  If the Dominant cannot agree to your terms when it comes to submission just simply say thank you, and you move on.

You never want to be a Dominants first, your just an experiment and you will be in a short lived relationship, not to mention he really has no clue as far as knowing what he is doing…. In my opinion it takes three to five years to have a good understanding when it comes to being in a D;s or M’s relationship , but many of the Fifty Shades guys have it pinned down when they set the book down.

What Do You As A Submissive Want Out Of Life ?

It is unfortunate if your new because your going to believe everything your told. Being new makes you very gullible , being new makes you an easy target. Even when there are warning signs you ignore them because you think your in a perfect world. Your blind, you do not see anything, nor do you want to. Your so infatuated your blind to warning signs.

What Do You As A Submissive Want Out Of Life ?

 

Image

Vile

 

Training Your Slave Humiliation is needed

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Adapt, Aftercare, anal sex, anticipation, Arianna, ass fucking, Baby Girl, bdsm, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, Dominant, Dominants, Dress Protocol, emotional, Emotions, Face Fucking, Humiliation, Humiliation Training, Local events, MAST, Master, Master And Slave, Protocol, Protocol public, Punishment, Rules, serve, sex, slave, slut, Structure, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, Train your slave, training your slave, Verbal abuse, whore on February 23, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

You meet and you get to know each other, and you are both ready. You have already talked about your likes as well as your dislikes. Being in a Master and Slave relationship there is really no negotiation, so it is much different than living in a D’s or Domestic Discipline relationship.

The Master explains what he needs and wants the Slave either agrees or she does not. In most cases the Master will not bend so it is very important that the Slave has a clear understanding of what their relationship will be like.

The training I have never been one to explain what will take place or when. Most of the time once the training begins and the Slave really has no idea she has already started her new life.

As your training progresses the Slave will begin to adapt. Your looking at maybe two weeks before you see any real progress.

You the Master must remain calm and cool throughout the entire process. You must be able to maintain complete control of your anger and emotions, anger has no place within the lifestyle.

While getting to know each other you both share what is expected, although there is no negotiation to Master must be clear and upfront., and everything must be explained in great detail, even when it comes to rules and protocols. The Master needs to go into such detail so when finished there are no questions, and there is a clear understanding what is expected from the Slave.

In my world the training process is like a long road of mind fuck. Never knowing what to expect, when or where. Most of the time you can train your Slave and she has no clue.

At the start of training the Slave may notice somethings , she may see how she is adjusting, and soon her train of thought will begin to change.

If the Master begins with positive reinforcement then in most cases the resistance factor will be very low, but if your only pointing out the bad then it may rise to a higher level.

The idea is not to want to punish, the idea is to keep from any type of punishment. This is done with clear communication, and being able to understand your Slave. You have to know how far you can push and when to back off. Although you may go into the relationship with very few limits, those limits in place must be respected. If you surpass those limits you have allowed you will lose all trust, and the training is now at a total stand still.

The Mind Fuck Training, everyday should be something new, even if you just change things up a little. . The idea behind not explaining what is going to happen during the Training process is to keep the Slave thinking. If you keep that frame of mind they will follow, they will observe, and they will take in.

One of the first things I do is limit the Slaves space within the home. I walk the Slave through the house and tell her where she is allowed to sit or stand. In the beginning furniture is never allowed. You are taking something away that the slave is use to. Even dining at times I had Arianna sit next to me on the floor and I would feed her myself. I controlled what she ate and how much, I controlled what she drank and how much. The entire training process is about control.

About a week into the process I start adding times, adding time I mean what time to go to bed, what time to take a shower, what time to eat, everything has a time, and everything must be on time. This is a control thing. Being in control is remaining consistent , on a daily basis, an hourly bases, and by the minute.

Humiliation plays a huge part in the training of your Slave, although I do not condone any type of abuse, and some forms of humiliation is abuse in my eyes. I believe some humiliation is needed in the training process. Most females are not use to being exposed. This is why I limit the time clothes can be worn, again it is a time thing, everything has a time. Slave positions I do not use often but during training I feel they are very important, this brings the humiliation factor in, again most are not use to being fully exposed.

The inspection position I call is on knees head down the slave reaches around and spreads her ass open. Fully exposed. This is the time you become vocal. Speak about how much you enjoy seeing her in this position. Speak about how hard it would be for you to be a slave you could never see yourself in such a position. That is position number two. One is on back legs spread the slave pulling her pussy open. You the Master sitting on the couch or a chair, again being vocal.

The use of slave positions and being vocal puts the slave in a very humble state of mind, I did the positions almost daily, and at the same time, again everything has a time. This is not something you are sharing with the slave but time means everything.

Use your Slave and use on a regular basis. Now is the time you do not care about aftercare, the word aftercare should not even come up. If the Slave should bring it up, the question should be ignored. You the Master you do not have to explain yourself, the Slave has to do the explaining. Remember we are speaking of a Master Slave relationship not a D’s. The D’s relationship everything is planned out before hand.

Use your Slave and use regularly without question or telling the Slave what is going to happen. On your knees open mouth. I truly enjoy face fucking, I think with me it is a control thing. On your knees hands behind back NOW as I push my cock in I instruct her to stay still and just hold it. Once I am hard I start to pump her mouth, just like I am fucking her pussy. Don’t swallow let it just flow from your mouth just drool. five maybe ten minutes just stop and walk away instructing the slave to get up . Say nothing about cleaning up, just carry on as if nothing happened. Go to the bedroom, position number one. Pull to the edge of the bed, again becoming vocal. Tell the Slave how much you admire her, slide your cock in and just fuck like there is no tomorrow, dump your load, pull her by the hair on the floor instruct to suck you clean, once done just walk away leaving the Slave there to gather her thoughts on just what happened. Anal sex do not ask you take, of course you may choose to use lube or use their mouth for lube, do not ask take what is yours.

Do not allow your Slave to cum without your permission. Remember you now own. The Slave is for your pleasure. You control everything. The Slave should only be allowed when permission is asked and granted.

Having the Slave in a very humble state of mind along with humiliation, allows you to continue, and continue with the least resistance. Again you never explain yourself.

Names the calling of names in my training process is very important. Just as never being exposed or humiliated, the same would go with the calling of names, again this is a Master Slave relationship.

If the Slave is sitting on the floor simply walk by snap your fingers. Follow me whore, follow me slut. Once she begins to follow and she will. Stop wait, snap fingers follow me whore. On your knees hands behind back. Yes my favorite. Face fuck finish and walk away.

As your progress in the first week you want to start implementing rules. Remember every rule must have a meaning, every rule is meant to improve the Slave on a daily basis, and every rule has a time, again time means everything. Protocols are also part of the training process. How to stand, walk, talk, with whom you may talk to, when and where. Service position standing legs shoulder width apart hands behind back.

Again being consistent is the key and it is the only key that will allow you to open each door. You being consistent will make your slave consistent, you being consistent will allow your slave to retain what you are teaching.

At night once the Slave ask you permission to enter the bed. You talk about what has happened that day. This should be the slaves time. The slave should be able to express their feeling about what has happened. How they feel about what happened.

If you the Master during any part of the training you let your emotions get in the way you will fail. The Slave will spot this and see this as a weakness. Weak is not what we want to be seen as.

You are changing their entire thought process, as I have posted before a type of mind modification. You are training someone to fit your needs and wants

Time is the biggest factor everything has a time. if bedtime is 9.30 then bedtime is 9.30 every night. If shower time is 5.30 then shower time is 5.30 everyday. Time is the most important factor. The thing is in most cases the slave will never catch on, or even think about it, but everything will fall into place, and things will be done without a thought.

The ninety day factor, ninety days tells everything. This is the I want this or fuck you I am leaving. If they choose to leave chances are they will return in a short time. Why is this? You have changed their entire thought process, this falls back to the mind modification. Things on the outside are not as simple as they once were, their world now looks different, they no longer have that structure.

I know some of you women are thinking what the fuck? Does this really happen? Indeed it does. Remember every Master has a different process, some training is not as extensive, some training does not go as deep, some training has no humiliation.

I can tell you this when we are out this is more so at a local function, a Munch or A MasT meeting people are amazed at how Arianna carry’s herself, how she acts, how she speaks, how she dresses. How she follows my protocols. If asked a question she looks at me waiting for approval before speaking

The same training would not go for a submissive or a Baby Girl. There is a different mindset. I have been with a submissive, I was a Daddy for seven years. The training and care is much different. We are talking about a Slave and only a Slave.

Once you are past that ninety day number you can let up some, you can now let aftercare in the picture some, but you have to remain consistent I cannot stress that enough. You must stick to your word, you must be truthful at all times. If you say your going to do something then do it. If your going to punish you must explain why, and you must have a VALID reason.

Your Slave must be allowed to have contact with family at all times. The Slave should be allowed free time after the first week. I can assure you they will need a breather.

Remind on a regular bases you own them, be it just in general conversation or while using sexually. You own them they are owned property. After each rule have the words You Are Owned. Those words will have a great effect. Remember we are visual.

If your in a LDR relationship you must still have a VALID reason when you punish, not being able to send a video with your submissive masturbating is not a VALID reason.

Everything you do has to have a VALID reason.

A submissive or Baby girl has rights. They have the right to what was promised, they have the right to be treated the way they were promised, and they have the right to walk away.

A man, a Dom, A Master Or A Daddy if you cannot keep your word that is abuse. If you lie that is abuse, if you punish without a Valid reason that is abuse. If you cannot control your temper that is abuse, screaming and yelling that is abuse. If you give nothing in return that is abuse. If you are like any of the above you have no place within the lifestyle and you are a piece of shit.

Just wanted to add that has nothing to do with training, but in a way it could I suppose

Image

Vile

.

My Way Of Thinking

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Argue, Arianna, bdsm, commitment, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, Dominants, Local events, MAST, Master & Slave, Master And Slave, needy, Owned Slave, owning a slave, poly, poly slaves, sex, slave, Slave Onwer, Structure, Submission, submissive, sucking cock on February 7, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I need that control, it is like I thrive, it is like fuel. That is one thing we all have to master. The Mastery of being in control.

Some say I am somewhat unethical in the way I run our relationship. Most will say I am to strict. Most say I have to much control. They may be right in everything they are saying, but the key factor is. It is not their house. So in the end they can think what ever they want but it does not matter they have no control over me or how I run my home.

That being said. My entire world revolves around Arianna. She is the only one I care about. She is the only one I have to take care of or worry about.

The other night we were talking about somethings I liked but she was more than willing to follow through with things. One she is a Slave, but two and the most important she loves and cares about me.

So I have to think about her. What the outcome would be doing things she is not happy with. I have to think if I do this what is it going to do to her mentally .

Also just like my ex wife, after I opened up about my kink and my needs she had agreed to try something. The first was spanking. I could see immediately that she was getting nothing out of it. That being the case It was less of a turn on to me, and in the end it did nothing for me.

Before we act we need to think of the submissive or slave. Most will go along with pretty much anything if they think they are pleasing. It is the inner thoughts we never know about, or what effects it is having on them.

Then there is the other side. If the Dominant has been up front about everything and his needs are agreed on, then there is no guilt.

Most who are not who they say they are, and they prey on the submissive, generally have no feelings about the other nor is it ever a thought. These guys are getting what they want and nothing more.

As far as the poly thing goes I have talked to other Dominants about it. When I ask why do you need more than one slave, the only answer I get is I need more flavor. It is never how it could benefit the house or the other slave. So I wonder when the Dominant explains to the slave how they need more flavor. How does that make the slave feel ? How does it make the slave feel knowing their owner needs more than one to fill complete.

Let me explain something. Most poly relationships are not live in situations. Most live apart. Although there are some family’s that live together for the most that is not the case. So the Slave who does not live with the couple , seems to me they are just a piece of ass on the side. The Dominant usually has full control over the third. At times there is a third Then another reason is maybe the first slave is not into pain. So the Master seeks out to a Masochist, again they do not live together. These types of relationships are short lived, it does not take the third long to figure out they will always be on the other side of the fence.

The second scenario the three live together. They can either have separate bedrooms or all three can sleep together. Now why bring another into a relationship that is going good?

One reason would be to take some of the load off of the first slave. Be it task, shopping, cleaning, and I suppose to fill in for the other kinks the first one is not happy with doing. The two form a bond, almost to the point of being a sister. They become inseparable, and grow to depend on each other. This type of relationship can work, I have seen it work, I have made it work in the past. It takes a great deal of time, but it can happen.

The main two the Master and Slave have to talk about the up’s and downs and the what if’s . Then the Master needs to decide if a third is really needed.

The other thing that bothers me at times. It is really hard for a slave to make friends outside of the home. Arianna knows this first hand. Everyone she has met seemed okay in the beginning but in the end they turned out to be flakes. So I decided that I would step up to the plate and I would choose her friends. Well It turns out I didn’t know people as well as I thoughts I did. They were still flakes, full of problems, full of drama. So maybe one day Arianna will find that one she can truly call a friend.

When I had talked about a third that was really my reasoning behind the whole thing. The truth is Arianna is way to insecure for such an adventure . That is not her fault nor is it mine, it just is, and I am good with that.

So my way of thinking along with the above. I do consider myself an owner, even in today’s times to some that is kinda hard to grasp. My slave has giving herself willingly and without question. Our relationship is consensual in all aspects. I am the owner of living property. I am Master because that is what she chooses to call me.

I asked her recently if she would like to call me My Owner although she does say that sometimes , she said it made her feel distant. I do understand.

My way Of thinking being an owner of property. It gives me many rights. I have the right to use as I see fit. Although before entering the relationship we did negotiate on some things, more on her side, because I refused to budge on my needs. On the things she is against , I respect her stance on somethings. It is my responsibility to insure she remains in good health not only physically but mentally.

I told Arianna from the beginning. The word NO does not come out of her mouth. I also explained that I would use her and use on a regular basis. I am speaking of sex of course. Again that is my right as an owner of property.

Let me explain what gives me these rights. I from the start of the relationship have kept my word. I have done everything I said I would do and much much more. I have stepped up to the plate, every time, and will continue to do so. I have been completely honest, I have never lied to her. I have remained consistent. She does know my main focus is on her, she does know that no matter what I will be there for her.

My way of thinking. I lead she will follow without question.

Image

Vile

More On Protocol’s

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, Consistency, consistent, control, Dominants, Dress Protocol, etiquette, Local events, Master, Masters, Pansexual, Protocol, Protocol public, Respect, Rules, slave, slave positions, submissive on December 26, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

You are probably tired of me talking about protocols. I cannot express enough on how important using protocols during and after training is.

During training you go through what I call mind modification. You are taking someone and molding them to fit your needs. One of the most important things in going forward is the submissive or slave has to be true. They truly want to follow. The other is the Dominant or Master has to stay consistent from day one. If you give out rules you enforce, if you put protocols in place you enforce, and you enforce on a daily basis.

Protocols cover a huge area with in my home. From speech to positions when I feel the need, to how, Arianna acts in public.

Many of the protocols I am going to list I use on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. I still use some of the Slave positions but not on a regular basis, if I feel there is a need. One position that is used daily is Arianna greeting me when I get off work. I walk in the door Arianna is on her knees face down and arms extended. This is something she feels she has to do. This is not only her way of greeting me, but she is showing me how much she appreciates me .

This morning I posted a blog about the Difference between a Dominant and a Master. I ran across a website and found it to be very interesting.  The owner of the site did give permission to use the content as long as I gave credit to the publisher, which I did. There is a ton of information, which I will tap into and share with everyone.

Most of what I will be sharing is about safety which is the most important, but several months ago I posted about BDSM and the Law, again a ton of information. As I have stated before the use of Protocols is a lost Art. In the last ten years or so BDSM has changed so much. Every time we attend an event I cannot believe the total lack of respect from some, and when I bring it up I just get a blank stare like it is me that is not respecting them.

Just as I have stated much of the respect has gone away due to the Pansexual out break which is mentioned below, just that some protocols may not be observed as they are in an M’s relationship

The website that I obtained the information from is

http://www.denversub.com/protocol.html

You may also contact through email if you wish at

denversubmissive@aol.com

 

Remember many of you may already use some of these protocols or you may not. You may find some that you would like to put into place. Enjoy.

 

 

Protocol

Disclaimer:   The following reflects my own training, and will be different than others were trained.   Personal pronouns reflecting male Dominance and female submission should be reversed if appropriate.   Each Dominant will create His own protocols and will most probably not conform to these.   I have presented this information as an example of one protocol, but only one.  “Master” and “slave” were not often used, although in many cases, i feel they would have been more appropriate.

Common Positions

  • Stand – Standing with feet shoulder width apart, back straight, head forward and eyes lowered. Hands are most usually clasped behind the back. In public, eyes forward so as not to draw attention to the position. “Present standing” – hands behind neck.
  • Kneel – Kneel in place, back straight, ass resting on heels, hands behind back, head bowed and eyes down. In public, she kneels in such a way as not not draw attention to herself, as if no chair were available.
  • Kneel up – Kneeling, knees shoulder width apart, back straight, head forward and eyes lowered. Hands are most usually clasped behind the back. “Present kneeling” would move hands behind the neck.
  • Kneel down – Kneeling, knees shoulder width apart with toes touching, forehead on the ground, cushioned by hands.
  • Present – Making the body available to the Dominant in a pre-arranged way. The Dominant generally points to a piece of furniture (meaning present bending over it) or to the floor (meaning present in a kneel down position). “Present on your back” would tell the submissive to lie on her back with knees up and legs spread wide, hands above the head. If standing, the submissive stands, feet shoulder width apart, back straight, hands behind back, left wrist in right hand, head bowed and eyes down.
  • Rest – The submissive assumes whatever resting posture the Dominant prefers. This is commonly a sitting or kneeling position that the submissive is able to maintain for long periods of time.
  • Serve – food or beverage is served with the right knee down, left leg bent, left elbow on left knee, right elbow in left palm, serving from the right hand.
  • Inspection –the submissive goes to the center of the room and stands facing away from the door, or away from her Dominant if He is in the room.   She spreads her legs as far apart as is possible while maintaining good balance, places her hands behind her neck and keeps her head straight and eyes forward.

Protocol Shifts

The protocols contained here are for Mid Protocol interactions, in places where it will not draw undue or unwelcome attention to the uniqueness of the Dominant/submissive relationship.

Low Protocol should be used when in the presence of vanilla observers.   During this time:

  • The submissive will refer to her Dominant as “Sir” when possible, and by His given name if Sir seems inappropriate for some reason.
  • The submissive will not kneel unless ordered to do so, but may sit on the floor if it would not draw attention.
  • If the submissive uses furniture, she will do so by sitting as close to her Dominant as possible and making her body accessible to Him as much as possible.
  • The submissive may serve her Dominant as a waitress might, rather than from a kneeling position.
  • Mid Protocols are in place wherever possible, but should be acted on with as much discretion as is possible.

High Protocol – will be used at her Dominant’s discretion and will be put into place by a prearranged signal or word from her Dominant at any time.

  • The submissive positions herself slightly behind her Dominant on His dominant side (unless given orders to the contrary) and remains there unless ordered otherwise.   If ordered to stand or kneel elsewhere, she keeps her head bowed and eyes down, only keeping her Dominant in her peripheral view, so as to be able to respond immediately if He summons her.   She may adjust her location only to keep Him in her line of site.
  • If approached in conversation, she will only say, “Forgive me Sir/Ma’am, I am forbidden to speak. My Master is standing/sitting there” and indicate His location.
  • The submissive will always use as few words as possible to respond when given permission to do so and will begin and end each sentence with “Sir”.
  • The submissive performs any service quietly and efficiently, drawing as little attention to her service as possible.

In Old Guard settings, submissives traditionally wear black or white t-shirts, jeans or leather shorts, white socks if any, black boots (laced right over left) or other black shoes.

A submissive wishing to be recognized by a Dominant, or group will stand about three feet away, just outside the circle of conversation, assume standing “public present” position and wait to be recognized.   Only then will they approach and speak.   A submissive who has greeted a Dominant in this manner will normally wait to be dismissed before leaving, or if she is expected back quickly, will explain, “Forgive me Sir, i am expected back” and wait for dismissal.   A bow of the head to show respect is proper.   Backing a few steps away before turning is also proper.

A submissive should not speak to another submissive who is in the company of her Dominant without permission to do so.   This is not well observed in pansexual circles.   The proper respect is to gain recognition, greet the Dominant and ask if she might greet his submissive.   Dominants do not usually acknowledge the submissive of another Dominant unless they have a prior acquaintance with her.   Dominants may or my not introduce their submissives, as pleases them and the circumstance.   If they do introduce them, it is usually by first name only.

Chain collars are indicative of Master/slave relationships while leather collars are more common for D/s relationships.   Pet tags may indicate pet status.   Flagging is still common in gay communities, left for Dominant or Top, right for submissive or bottom.   Colors are plentiful; there is a legend on my information page, if you are interested.   Most commonly seen are black (Sm top or bottom), mustard (hung 8″+ or wants one), orange (anything goes), hunter green (daddy/boy), and most recently black/white checked (safe sex).

Speech

Honorifics should be used as such, not as names.   As a rule, a Dominant whose scene name, for instance is “Master Greg”, would be introduced by that entire name, but would be called “Greg” by other Dominants, “Master Greg” or “Sir” by other submissives, and “Master” only by his own submissive.   A Dominant introducing his submissive to this Dominant would introduce him as “Master Greg” so that the submissive would have the correct information.

Dominants will specify the way in which their submissives will address them, such as “Sir”, “M’Lord” or “Master”.   Honorifics can be as complex as the Dominant wishes, and many times are structured in complex ways to test the submissive and keep her on her toes.   They may or may not include a name or a scene name.   Occasionally, a Dominant will have his submissive call him by a given name, because it is difficult for most trained submissives not to use “Sir” and they use it as an exercise in obedience.   This is often mistaken for disrespect, however, and is therefore rare.

The term “voice trained” is often used to describe a submissive who has been trained to speak only when spoken to and to not betray her preferences in her answers.   A variation includes Dominants who have their submissives say “If it pleases you Sir” when they are in agreement and “Only if it pleases you Sir” to indicate the opposite view.   They believe that this gives the appearance of neutrality while giving the Dominant information about the preference.   I personally disagree with this practice and deem it game playing.

High Protocol parties in Denver generally include a rule that submissives do not speak without permission.   Permission is gained by a pre-determined signal.   In discussions, submissives do not participate.   They may speak only to their own Dominants.   House protocols never take priority over personal protocols.

Food and Drink Service

A hostess submissive will serve her Dominant first, the Master of the House second and other Dominants as is convenient to the setting.   She will then serve the Master of the House’s submissive, and then the other submissives in as close to the same order as their Dominants were served.

A submissive being served will either 1) accept food and drink on behalf of their Dominant and serve him themselves, or 2) wait quietly while he is served.

In a vanilla setting such as a restaurant, the submissive will not eat or drink until their Dominant has done so.   Dominants will normally defer to the host in like manner.   When the Dominant is finished eating, the submissive stops unless signaled by her Dominant to finish her meal.

For a more in-depth discussion of Formal Dinner Service, click here

Other Service

A Dominant will not request service of an accompanied submissive without first asking her Dominant to allow it.   An unattended submissive may be requested to provide simple service, or fetch and carry at will, unless she is in a non-communicative protocol.

Service should be carried out as quickly, quietly and seamlessly as possible.   Service that draws attention to itself is in bad taste.

Personal Service

Personal service is normally reserved for one’s Dominant, unless offered to another by one’s Dominant.   A Dominant that requests personal service without consulting one’s Dominant may be told, “I’m sorry Sir, that is not allowed” and referred to the submissive’s Dominant for further discussion.

Master’s Responsibility

The Master is responsible for setting the Protocol level and any individual protocols that He desires.   But, He has another important responsibility; that of protecting His slave.   He should constantly be aware of her.   If she is approached by someone that she doesn’t have permission to interract with, she should be given a specific way to handle the situation.   In Old Guard trained slaves, you will most often hear “Forgive me Sir.   i am not permitted to speak.   My Master **** stands there.   In many current protocols, the slave will be instructed to simply look down at the floor and ignore the contact completely.   In this instance, the Master must be extremely aware and ready to intervene as soon as He observes this reaction.

Another common instruction that a slave may be given an instruction that she should come up into a formal present posture in order to get her Master’s attention (in order to make a request or ask to speak).   If this is the case, He must see it and respond.

The Difference Between A Master And A Dominant

Posted in 24/7, Argue, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Behavior Modification, being used, Bestslavetraining.com, blog, Collar, Collared Slave, Collars, communication, Consensual, consistent, control, Dominance, Dominants, extreme, Flogger, Franco Bolli, Local events, Master, Masters, Molding, owning a slave, Pansexual, Protocol, punish, Punishment, serve, session, slave, Slave no rights, submissive, The Difference Between A Master And A Dominant, Top and Bottom, Vile on December 25, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I ran across an Article this am I found on a website I hope you enjoy.

http://www.denversub.com/labels.html

I suppose you could debate the two, who is who and what is what, but if you really think about the difference , the two are only similar in a small aspect of the lifestyle. While Both are Dominant 95% of the time the two live in two totally different worlds.

I will also cover the difference between a slave, submissive and a bottom. All three are very different and all three have different needs.

A Master Is certainly a Dominant , but not all Dominants are Master, within the local community. The term Master is usually those who live with a slave on a 24/7 basis. The title if we were giving one is mostly giving to those who are highly recognized within the community . I do believe that the Master and Slave is wired much different than lets say a Dominant and his submissive. I am not saying one is better than the other, or one has an advantage over the other, our lifestyle are just different.

The Dominant and Submissive. The Submissive , only submits when they choose, the play sessions are talked over before play, The Submissive will say what is allowed and what is not. The submissive will follow some rules but usually in the bedroom only. Once out of the bedroom there is still a Dominance and submissive feeling but not as noticeable as it was during play.

A Master / Slave relationship the Slave Submits once and only once giving up full control over their life. The only rights are those giving to them by there owner or Master, again the is mostly in a 24/7 relationship. The slave gets pleasure from serving their owner, be it helping with the shower, undressing , cooking, cleaning, and yes sexually. Sex between Master and Slave the Slave is more concerned with their owner receiving pleasure than their self, knowing their Master is pleased, is what brings on the feelings they are seeking.

Last night I logged onto FaceBook and I started chatting with another Dominant who also has a blog on wordpress. Franco Bolli. We were talking about the Holidays and he brought this subject up to me, he said.

For me there is a difference between a Master and a Dom, like there is a fundamental difference between a slave and a sub.

Yes he is correct, but those of you who are submissive and new to the lifestyle you really do not have a clue, or maybe you do but your afraid to speak up.You the submissive has the right to submit on your terms, when and where, and how. You have the right to follow what rules you want.

The word Dominant in the lifestyle is relatively new, , or calling someone their Dominant is relatively new going back some 15 years or so, when the pansexual revelation came about.. When BDSM started breaking off into separate groups

So the terms would be Master and Slave, Dominant and Submissive or Top and Bottom, Now the Top and Bottom really differ from the other two, and here is how.

The Bottom will dictate the entire scene , the Bottom will instruct the top , what they can do and what they cannot do, right down to how many times they can be spanked with a belt or flogger. The Bottom can refuse to do certain sex acts or bondage.

Again it is not that anyone is better than the other our lives are just very different. I know even here in the local community some Dominants are called Masters by their Submissive’s, and there is nothing wrong with that, it is what makes your relationship. It is what puts you the submissive in that frame of mind.

Remember the difference between a Slave and a Submissive. Many who are Submissive do not understand how a Slave could live such a life, While a Slave cannot understand how one could only submit at their will. Arianna does not understand those who are submissive, but she respects them. She does not understand how a submissive could talk back to their Dominant, or even argue with them. Arianna knows there would be great consequences if she were to question me, but this is the relationship we have.

Remember the above is just my opinion and nothing more. I have included an article that was written some several years ago That I would like to share, and it speaks about the same subject.

The biggest difference is the COLLAR Like Arianna since she excepted my Collar it has not been off one time. She even wears it to work without question. A Submissive will determine when and where she will wear her collar, if she wears one at all.

One of the best sites out there for information more so those who are new to the lifestyle is Bestslavetraining.com

There is a ton of information it will take you a week to read everything. It will also give you the submissive or slave some ideas on how your Dominant or Master should be,. Read you will truly enjoy.

The slave also goes through what some would call a Behavior Modification process, this happens during training. The way the slave talks, walks, how they act in public, around their owners friends, and yes even sex.

What really got me thinking was what Franco Bolli had said to me about how a Dominant was different than a Master in his eyes or thoughts. You can find him here   http://francobolli666.wordpress.com/

So here is the Article have fun reading maybe it was explained a little better and more detail than I was able to.

The last words are so right, Lets all be kind to each other we Deserve it.

Image I love this position

The article I found below is what I came across this am. All credit goes to.

http://www.denversub.com/labels.html

Master or Dom? / slave or sub?

Labels… we use them… we abuse them.  Disclaimer: this is only one person’s opinion.  You may find it helpful… if not, you may ignore it… Probably the most difficult thing to explain (and some would say impossible) is the difference between the labels we use to define us.  The most common argument occurs with the labels Dominant, Master, slave and submissive.  This page will include opinions… some mine, some borrowed from other sources.  I will attempt to credit those sources where I am able.  If you visit this webpage and see something that was originally yours, please email denversubmissive@aol.com and I will either credit you or remove it, as you wish.

“To be thrilled at the touch of leather, aroused by the sound of harsh words, or satisfied by the security of rigid bondage is the mark of a lover. To be thrilled at the opportunity to provide useful service, aroused by a pleased nod, and satisfied by the proverbial job well done is the mark of a slave.”
The Marketplace, Chapter 7, by Laura Antoniou writing as Sara Adamson

Well, that’s not very sensual or erotic, is it?  But it is a good definition of the term “slave“, and one that is used in our lifestyle quite often to describe a voluntary submission of one’s will completely to another.  In truth, very few “slaves” would apply this definition to themselves, if they are honest with themselves about what they require to be fulfilled in the role.  Most of us (at least part of the time), want the thrill of leather, the arousal and satisfaction provided by the role, and would be less than satisfied with simply service.  So, we modify the definition a bit.

Another common distinction between “slave” and “submissive” is that a slave submits only once, and that given her submission to her Master, she no longer negotiates anything with him.  A “sub”, by contrast, negotiates each scene, or changes in the limits of the relationship as time goes on.

A popular debate takes place over the difference between a submissive and a bottom (meaning the noun).  I think this one is solved fairly easily.  A submissive is a bottom who submits to the will of the Dominant in a scene, within the pre-negotiated limits they agree upon.  She does not direct the scene in any way and it is his choice which of those negotiated items he will incorporate into any particular scene.  By contrast, a bottom often negotiates precisely what will happen in a particular scene, down to how many strokes with a particular toy.  She does not submit her will to that of the Dominant or Top, and there is no exchange of power… simply a planned scene.  The verb form, to “bottom” can apply to either a bottom or a submissive, describing the activity of being the recipient of the Dominant’s actions.

I often tell those I mentor that you can picture it on a scale of 1 to 5.. with the submissive being 1 (“whatever pleases you, Sir”) and the bottom being 5 (“This is the way we are going to do the scene”).  We fall all along the scale, rather than at one end or the other.  This is what makes labeling impossible.  There is no right or wrong way to bottom… everyone should find the place that gives them the most satisfaction.

A similar scale exists for “Dominants” and “Tops”. The Top in a scene is the person giving the sensation or pain.  Picture the scale with the “Service Top” at 1 (“My pleasure comes from giving the bottom exactly what she wants to be completely satisfied”) and the Dominant at 5 (“Now that we have negotiated what is allowable, I will choose what pleases me”).  Again, we fall all along the scale… there is no right or wrong way to top someone.  I believe that most 5’s on the scale are hard-core sadists who derive their primary pleasure from the infliction of pain, and playing with one of these sadists can be a heady experience… they *enjoy* it so much!

Now we come to the most difficult: Master and Dominant.  Obviously all Masters are Dominants, but certainly all Doms are not Masters!  At least not in the generally accepted use of the term, which is someone who owns a slave and controls her life completely.  In some communities, the term “Master” is reserved for highly qualified Dominants who have proven themselves to be of excellent character and skill.  The community itself reserves the right to bestow this title and does so sparingly.  For others, it is simply a condition of the mind… the thought processes that a Dominant entertains as he tops… and some believe that the “Master” truly feels the ownership and responsibility of the slave under his control in ways the Dominant does not.  I tend to believe in “slave” wiring and “Master” wiring myself, and don’t consider them better, just very different.

The most important point I hope to make with all this is that we should avoid using labels to rate someone’s skill or dedication to our lifestyle.  Labels are beneficial in helping others understand us… but statements like “oh.. she’s just a bottom” or “he’s only a Service Top” do an injustice to us all.  Whether someone likes a lot of pain or none at all; total surrender or neatly negotiated play; absolute control or a part time play experience… we all have a right to pursue our fantasies and desires, and deserve better than to be labeled by the very people who should understand the most clearly how diversified we all are.

Let’s be kind to each other… we deserve it!

Vile