Archive for the Long Distance Relationships LDR Category

The Poly Master And Poly Slave

Posted in bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, Dominant and Submissive, Long Distance Relationships LDR, Poly Relationship, Slave, Submissive with tags , , , on December 18, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

In the past few years I have seen the poly community really grow, most who are poly belong to rather large families. Some are Dominant , some are submissive and some are just kink based. My philosophy is if it works for you then it works, if it is working that means you are in a good place.

Then when it comes to a Dominant or Master there is a huge difference but again it is what works for you. How Dominant are you ? How submissive are you? How kinky are you ? In most cases it boils down to being with family, someplace that is secure and safe.

So we look at the whole picture , how can a submissive serve more than one Dominant ? My thoughts are each Dominant has their own rules , structure , and protocols. My other question is if the two do not live together how does one maintain control ? In my eyes and this is just my thoughts if I cannot reach out and touch I cannot control. Being in control is not a want it is a need , being in control of my life and surroundings is a need even at work.

A Master and poly is something you do not see very often. The poly slave is not something you see very often. I myself am very protective , what is mine is mine you can look but you cannot touch. Most Slaves are very possessive , most slaves have one focus and that is serving the one they are owned by.

I have known Masters in the past who would pass their property around like a bag of pop corn and think nothing of it. As I sat back and watch I am thinking how can he truly love her? Maybe it is power or ego , humiliation ?

I believe and this is only me if I cannot reach out and touch someone on a daily basis training cannot be effective.

Training a submissive or slave long distance will almost fail 99% of the time. The Master has no real idea if certain task are being done or what the slave is really thinking. No phone call can replace a facial expression or that look coming from their eyes. Training is changing ones way of thinking and in order to do so the Master has to be consistent on a hourly basis , daily and weekly.

How can a slave possibly serve more than one Master with each having different ideas , structure , protocols and rules.

When I think of Poly and family’s not living together I think of kink and nothing more again this is just my thoughts and I do not judge those who live the lifestyle.

I myself thrive off of the control , the control is a need but it is not to the point og controlling.

While many use fear to dominate , many use humiliation, many use a form of degrading making one feel worthless , that is a form of forced submission and the Master has gained absolutely nothing , most of all he has not gained respect.

We as Masters when we take on a relationship we now have two we have to think about and sometimes three.

I live in a closed Triad meaning we are a closed family and we never step out to see others. Finding the right one was no easy task and it took over a year to find the right fit. That is a different blog.

If the poly family is happy with their situation then so be it we are no one to judge.

Dominants are more likely to share their partner than a Master will , most Master are very possessive when it comes to their property.

To be in full control you need to be face to face very few LDR relationships work long term. If you have no plans on either one making that move you are just wasting your time.

Training is never really over , there is daily maintenance ,  communication , and keeping everything in check. I have said this a hundred times the Master has to be consistent and consistent on a daily basis.

My experience most Poly Doms are actually Tops, Dominant in the bedroom and once out just vanilla in a lot of ways, this does not apply to everyone but from my experience this seems to be true..

I like to be in control and full control of my home and surroundings , I want to know what is going on, because I can only make the right decision based on the information giving to me.

You may be happy living in a poly relationship however most do not live together, in fact looking on Fetlife …

We all have to be who we are to be happy in life , we all have to be who we are so we may move forward in life.

BDSM is the only lifestyle where everyone is wrong no one is right. People are quick to judge but their life is falling apart , or kinda like going to church and when you leave everyone is talking about everyone else..

However I would think there would come a time when a submissive or a Dom would like to settle down..

Training And Online Dominants

Posted in 24/7, Anal Training, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Online Relationships, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, Long Distance Relationships LDR, Manipulation, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, slave, submissive, Training And Online Dominants with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 26, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I use to perv the internet a lot, as a matter of fact back in the day, yahoo had one of the best profile search engines on the net. You could go to profiles and just type in a word of interest. Submissive , Slave , Slut , Whore, and one of my favorites Humiliation. Aol had something close to yahoo but yahoo was the place to hunt pussy.

I would pour a big ass glass of Tea , crack my knuckles and go to work.  You could search all over the world, by state , county and city. It was just a total fuck search, maybe that is why yahoo shut it down…

Your looking to enter the lifestyle and your looking for a Dominant, today the first place to look is your PC or Laptop. It is easy a cup of coffee and Google.

Online training is noneffective and has no meaning. Most online Dominants are married and spend spare time when the wifey is not home sitting behind his computer jacking off.

It does not take long until the submissive finds out they are being used. Rules are just sexual self pleasure acts, sending pictures and lots of phone sex. Having you drive someplace in public and Masturbating, or told not to wear panties out in public.

The first thing your told to do is keep a journal, a journal the dominant will never read. A journal of your daily activity’s which to you have very little meaning because there was no explanation on why you should keep such a thing…

The self punishment for not sending nude pics on time, or taking to long to respond to a text…. Self punishment , spanking your pussy until you cry while on the phone with your dominant, clothespins on pussy lips or nipples for long periods of time.
Then you end up spending money you do not have on toys, dildo’s and vibrators , nipple clamps , ohhh and butt plug for anal training.

While the Dominant does have control , that control is very short lived, 30 , 60 maybe 90 days and at times a little longer or until that deep loneliness kicks in..

I have done all of the above. I have used and manipulated , and I have shared pictures with friends that were sent to me. I have told stories how some bitch double fucked herself with two bottles.

I can say Ive never sat in front of my computer and jacked off, I mean its okay but nothing like the real thing…

The Dominant thinks he is in charge but in reality he is just barking orders that have no meaning, and your gullible to follow them until you figure out he is just an ass..

I am not going to say that all online training is not effective because at times , and there are some online relationships that do work and last for years.
Those relationships are those where the dominant has put a plan in place, and works on getting you to him, or him to you. Then again this can fail as well. If you are not the one painting the picture, you never see the finished product until you get to your new home.. Someone can paint a pretty picture and fill your mind with what you need, but you need to know all and have proof before you decide to move 1500 miles..

Over the past ten years or so I have gone through some Major changes. Changes in what type of relationship I wanted, what I wanted in the future, and most important how I saw myself living in a M’s relationship…

Online Dominants are just that, very few have ever had a D’s Or M’s relationship, and chances are they never will… These are men or women who cannot control their own life much less others.

The Topping from the Bottom I spoke about this topic last week, it can be fun , or it can be the death of a relationship.. Someone had contacted me not long ago while I was talking about BDSM and depression. I truly believe a Dominant who suffers from depression , he has no business trying to enter a D’s relationship. Someone who suffers from depression even on medication can only handle so much…

If you are a submissive who is trying to convince a man who suffers from depression you are doing more damage than good, and yes you are Topping from the bottom..

Many online Dominants have anger issues, many use humiliation as a way to control, they feed off of your problems they feed off of your self pity, and your low self esteem. Kinda like a Leech , until you have no blood left , nothing left to give and your left out in the dark alone…

The reason online training cannot work in the long term is because a D’s or M;s relationship is so personal. The Intimacy is so deep , the eye to eye contact, the communication, and last but not least the physical contact.

Many have tried and tried and tried with the results being the same, making the same mistakes thinking the next will be different…

You the submissive has to set ground rules. I email you answer, I ask a direct question, I want a direct answer. I text you I want a text back, I call you answer, providing your not at work. Those are not unrealistic demands.

Vile

Poly Vs Triad

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Adapt, Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, Bdsm events, commitment, communication, control, Dominant, Living Triad, Long Distance Relationships LDR, MAST, Master, Master And Slave, micromanage, Rules, slave, submissive, Triad on February 22, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

The word Triad just hit me like a rock. Arianna was looking at different groups on fetlife and pointed a couple out to me and the word Triad came up.

So in the past when I spoke about me living in a poly relationship that was not correct, we were poly. When Chong brought up the idea I was totally against it, but after hearing her thoughts on it I finely agreed, then came Beth. We did not get along to well at all. Although she followed my rules you could still tell there was tension. Beth was for Chong. They were like sisters, they done everything together, shopping, movies, flea markets, they were inseparable.

In six months time I guess I had not spoken a dozen words to beth she just yanked my chain wrong, but I tolerated her because it was a need for Chong.

As time went by we became closer , but she still got on my nerves, and then finely I guess after a year we became friends, but we never had sex, and I will explain why.

Chong who stood barely 5ft tall and weighed about 100lbs, beth was somewhere between 5 ‘5 and 5 ‘ 6 and around 145 or so kinda thick. Very beautiful, long blonde hair, dark tan,she has an awesome build,  but there was something that just irked me.

Sometime went by going into the 5th year Beth started to warm up to me, and that irked me even more, I remember telling her several times if she would shut up it would do the world a favor.

Then came the time where she started to stir the pot, she started to blame small stuff on chong, but I saw right through her, now all of a sudden Beth wanted to be number one. The happiest day was when I was waving goodby to her, hoping she was driving to Alaska then catching a boat and ending up somewhere in Siberia getting a job ice fishing or something.

So we never fucked although seeing her run around the house nude all the time, I was missing something, and that was the connection. I was never able to connect with her , I am speaking on all levels.

If I cannot make that connection nothing will happen. That includes even having a session. I have tried and have been willing to try again but just could never follow through. That is why I just cannot have sex with just anyone, I have to have that connection. It is not something I can explain, but something clicks.

So now the Triad thing , before I got divorced there was a couple that lived across the street well three. A man and two women, my ex wife had been over talking to them and found out the couple had been married for 15 years and the other woman had been with them for 8 yrs. They were loyal to each other, no one stepped out of their circle. They were happy and content, if they went anyplace it was all three with the exception of work. Even doing yard work all three were outside. So that worked.

Triad is three living together like poly in the BDSM world but they are closed to anyone else, there is no sharing. You work as one, a team. So I believe if anything was to take place it would be more of a Triad. I have not made up my mind as of yet, I am still putting everything together in my head. The two main things you have to look at is choices and consequences. What is the good and the bad ? How can it help and how could it be bad.

Poly on the other hand in the lifestyle is a wide open door. In the lifestyle I am not even sure if there is a definition for poly, because it branches off in so many areas. Being poly in many cases does not mean you are loyal to anyone person, and in most cases the poly family does not even live together.

The people I know in the local community here have a revolving door, submissive’s and slaves come and go. I find that it is almost impossible to form any type of family unity.

Even at MasT meeting I am very vocal about what I believe in, and at times I am sure I even offend some, but I am going to me and live the way I want not the way people think I should. I may not agree with the way someone lives but it is really none of my business, just don’t stick your nose in mine.

Poly I suppose works for many, being with who you want and answering to one that being the Dominant, and I have my thoughts on that as well.

If you do not live together , if you are not able to reach out and put your hand on your slaves shoulder you really have no control. If you are not together in the physical , you really have no control, you may think you have control but you do not. It does not matter what your being told, and you have no way of knowing what the other is doing.

That is the reason most LDR relationships do not work, and if they do work it is only for a short time, over the phone or the computer you can only exert so much control , but if you are not together and able to reach out and touch you truly have no control.. Some LDR’s do work but very few, more so if there are no plans in either one making that move. If you want to be someplace or with someone just fucking do it, career or not.

Would I want another Slave? Not a chance in Hell, don’t get me wrong I love what I have right now. I love the dynamics of our relationship we both fit like a glove, but to take on another slave , yea I know I am not there. A Submissive yes a Baby Girl yes, but I could not take on another slave.

I will explain why it would make it easier for a submissive or Baby Girl to move in. Who ever it was just as a slave or submissive has to do when moving in with a Dominant, they are the ones who has to adapt. They have to be willing to adapt to the new home, the rules and protocols.

It is hard to explain even though the tird is just that the third you cannot treat as such you have to treat as an equal with the understanding that Arianna is number one, it may seem confusing but it is really not.

Now is a Triad really conducive ? Is there really a need? Do you have to bring in a third ? Last can it work? We do not live in a Vanilla world , nor do the people who read my blog, or maybe there are few who read my blog and are thinking what the fuck is he talking about? I can see that but anyway.

If you know your slave inside and out and you see and feel their emotions, their feelings then you are able to tell if something is wrong or missing. Being a Slave in the lifestyle when it comes to making friends, I mean really close friends it is not an easy task, and it has happened more than once where Arianna has made friends or thought she did only to find out she is on the outside looking in.

The main reason this happens is Arianna is a Slave a real Slave, she lives her life as a slave. She finds it hard to relate to those who are not, she does not understand how someone in a D’s relationship could tell their Master no, or speak out of place, or act like a child in public, she cannot relate.

Is a third the answer I do not know, this is something I am giving a lot of thought. It will take sometime to come to any type of conclusion. To find someone will take time, it will not be rushed, and who knows we may not ever find someone who will fit.

You the Dominant, you the Master your first and only concern should be yours. Yours should come first no matter what. You should have the need to drop what ever your doing at the drop of a pin and fix what ever needs to be fixed, even if they just need to talk.

Now what we have to offer if something should ever come up. We can offer a very loving home. A nice home, we have a beautiful home. It is an older home built in the 40’s I believe. Hardwood floors through out except the kitchen and the florida room. We can off stability, no drama, no fighting. We can make you feel wanted and needed. We would be there for you, as you would be for us

Arianna having someone to hang out with shopping, movies, flea markets. We moved here because Arianna loves the downtown we have here it looks like something out of the 50’s a small town, very well lit up at night.

We only moved here because it was a need for Arianna, that is what I do I take care of mine.

I am no different for any other Dominant we just all have different ideas, we expect different things we want different things we need different things.

I have not come across anyone I would consider at this time, and as I stated it will be a long process. If Arianna just happens to come across someone I would consider but I have the final say. If I make an offer I make it one time, I stand firm on that, and Arianna or no one will persuade me, Because I run my house. My house My Bitch, my rules.

Just my thoughts. I hope everyone has a kick ass weekend.

Much Love

Vile