Archive for the married Category

Do You Know What Training Really Is ?

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Argue, Arianna, ass fucking, Baby Girl, bdsm, being used, commitment, communication, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, cunt, Daddy Dom, Deception, Depressed, Depression, Dominance Through Intimidation, Giving Head, Humiliation, infidelity, married, Married Dominant, Master & Slave, Master And Slave, Meeting a Dominant for the first time, poly, Polyamory, Rules, Safe and Sane, selfish, slave, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 25, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Lets take cock sucking out of the picture, while we are at it lets take a rule out a lot of you have, or have had.
Your not allowed to cum for a month, or maybe even two months

The second I spoke about is pure ego, and nothing more. The you are not allowed to touch your pussy or cum without my permission was something I did when I was in my twenties. If I had come across anyone who had been in the lifestyle for anytime when I said those words I was laughed at. They knew then I was not a experienced Dom.

Before you begin your Training there are a few questions you need to ask yourself.
1. Is this lifestyle really for me? You know your own feelings, but much research must be done, before being able to correctly answer.
2. Why do I need to be trained?
3. What do I hope to get out of being trained by a Dominant ?
4. Just how far do I want to go ?
5. What are some of my limits ? You probably have an idea, but you also may need to explore.
6. What Type of Dominant or Master should I be looking for ?
Remember we are all different , we all have different values, and methods. Some are very strict, while some are not. Some have rules and protocols while some do not. Some want to see their property excel in life, while others will still care about you but you are more of a physical object.

These are just a few of the questions you need to ask yourself before you begin your journey. Know what you need is very important. Never let anyone tell you what you need, or how they are going to change you.

Meeting your new Dominant and taking an assessment should be done while you are getting to know each other. This covers many areas.
Your health should be talked about in depth, medications, phobias as well. Your work should be discussed, as well as family and friends.

Here is a list of health questions I used.
Do you have any dietary restrictions?
Are you allergic to anything? (Scene materials as well as common allergies)
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses? Dental bridges or hearing aids?
Do have any injuries that can keep you from service or play type training? (Neck, back, knee injuries)
Do you have any ongoing illnesses or chronic problems? What type of medications or treatments do you take for these?
Make a list of all the vitamins, herbal or nutritional supplements your take?
When was your last blood test and physical? Will you be willing to take a blood test or physical?
Do you use recreational drugs (including alcohol or tobacco)? What? How Often?
Do you have any addictions or are you struggling with an addiction?
Are you recovering from an addiction? Are you clean and/or sober? How long?
Have you suffered from abuse as a child? As an adult? (Physical, verbal, psychological, sexual, spiritual)
If so, are there any triggers that can cause you trauma now?
Do you abuse others, or have abused others, in the past? How have you addressed these problems?
Have you ever had any type of sexually transmitted disease? How was it, or is it, being treated?

All of these questions are very important, this is one of the ways besides communication you get to know someone. This will also prevent someone from getting hurt.

While there may not be a cure for many mental illnesses, I do believe that under the right house, and the proper structure , most can be kept under control, and managed.

Clarification. You will need clarification on the entire process. You will want to know what will be expected of you.

If you work or have children there will be limitations that will have to be put into place.

Just so you know this is not a Wham Bam Thank You Process. These discussions is something that should take place over time. This is a courtship, this is the getting to know each other time.
Go out to eat, catch a movie, long walks. The most important thing is to take your time. Communication is the most important thing in your relationship, but and there is a but, compatibility plays a major role.

Call me Sir, call me Master, call me Daddy, never fall for those demands. Each title no matter what should be earned and not demanded.

The RULE thing is never really clear, a lot of Dominants want to start out with rules before even entering a relationship.
Once your relationship gets to that point, when a Rule is giving out, there should be a clear explanation on why that rule is being put into place.

One thing I do and did, when I explained something to Arianna, I explained it in such a way there were no questions. Everything must be very clear.

It is also impossible to be told to memorize 30 or 40 rules. If the Dominant expects you to remember each and everyone , then he should be able to repeat them all.

We all have training ideas, but what works for one will not work for another.
The one thing you have to remember you are being trained to fit someone’s needs, it is you that will have to adapt to your new world, not the Dom.

In many cases you may need to be trained, looking for that structure in your life, or you may be perfectly fine, and your just entering a D’s or M’s relationship, at any rate you are still going to adapt to someone else’s world. Your life is going to really go through changes.

Some of the things that are important to us, is our family, we also need friends, you need to be able to go out, we all need down time.
During your negotiation part you need to make sure you will still be allowed to do the above.

If the Dominant you are meeting tells you he is married, make sure the spouse is okay with what he is doing. This is where it gets tricky because you cannot just take his word, after all if his wife says its okay for him to see other people, then it should be okay for you to talk to her.

He will come off well my wife is a bitch, she does not understand me, she does not fulfill my needs, she is always nagging.
Well!!! If things were really all that bad he would not be there.
I am staying because of the children. Yea that is a lame excuse.
He is cheating because she will not suck cock or take it up the ass but you will.
Remember you are now number two , and you will always be number two.
No Birthdays, no Holidays, no vacations, you are just a secret.

Training should start almost immediately once the two have agreed to enter a D’s or M’s relationship. The most effective way to train is while you are living together.
If your Dominant is a once a month warrior then you are not really going to get the whole picture.
This also happens when you see someone who is married, your in it for the benefits, and he is in it for the ass, and nothing more.

You the Submissive or Slave should have a good idea when it comes to what your looking for, and what your needs are. This is something you need to cover as well.
When you meet a new Dominant, and you are to intimidated or scared to talk openly about your needs then he is the wrong Dom for you.
A Dominant should make you feel at ease, relaxed. He should be easy to speak to, and not make any demands.
If you cannot speak freely and express your needs, how can you fully submit to him?

The first meeting all eyes should be on you. You should be doing all the talking, and the Dominant should have his total attention on you. If your shy he will keep the conversation flowing with questions
During this time he is taking in all the information. This is the time he is putting a training program together in his head.

Your question should be what does your training consist of? What do you think I will get out of your training ?

What are your protocols ? Are your protocols just private or are they public as well?

One thing I did, is I would request a journal be started something I could read everyday or week. I did not have to do that with Arianna because she had ten years worth of journals, so I really got a deep look inside her life.

There are rules and then there is sex. The two should never be mixed. Rules are meant to provide structure, and guidance.

A rule telling you to send a video on your anal training does not benefit you at all. You being told as a rule to send nude pics, does not benefit you at all.
If these are the things he is interested in, then he does not have your best interest in mind.

Being trained is real, and you need to be sure you are in the hands of someone who really cares about you. Someone who has open communication.
Our lifestyle is you are a True D’s or M’s is a mind thing. It is all about the Dominant getting inside your head, and having the ability to stay there, keeping you in that submissive frame of mind.

The first 90 days Arianna had almost zero freedom. She was allowed to call and visit family, she has a dear friend she was allowed to see, and of course work.
Other than the things above she spent 90 days learning Viles way.
Rules a few at a time, protocols, again Viles way, learning in service. Learning how to be a host in an M’s home.

The first thing I did, was introduce her to friends I had within the community.
Why did I do this? She has been in two Bad D’s relationships prior to me.
I told her I had been in the lifestyle for more than 20 years. So not that I had anything to prove, I introduced her to very close friends who had known me , here in the local community. This was a way to validate myself. I am who I said I was.

Any Dominant who tells you he has been in the lifestyle for 20 years knows people in the lifestyle, and he should be more than willing to introduce you to his friends.
99% of the time he will be active in the local community, if he is not then something happened.
It does not take much for a Dominant to get a bad name, and once your shunned , there is really not much he can do as far as meeting new subs or slaves, unless it is Via Collarme or something.
That should be a bad sign if he tells you he has no friends in the local community.
I know and I know others who need that interaction. We need to be able to talk to our friends, someone we can relate to.

There are warning signs to look for, and many times you see them but you over look them because you think he could be the one.
Well! he is nit the one, because there are thousands of ones out there, and if you settle for less than what you need, your relationship will be short lived.

Many Dominants who have no real life experience will try to isolate you, because they are still in the insecure mode. The married Dominant will even more isolate you, because you are his fuck toy on the side.
These are also warning signs you need to look out for, keeping you isolated is where the abuse begins, and once it starts you are the only one who can stop it.

You are a submissive you have the right to question, more so you have the right to say no.

Remember everything is a negotiation , this is when you talk about your needs, what you expect out of the relationship, as well as your limits.
You want everything out on the table, so there are no surprises.

Now the most important issues. What are you going to get out of the relationship? If you are not living together , how much time will be devoted to you?
Is the relationship going to be one on one or he is Poly? That is a very important question, if you do not ask he may bring it up at a later date.

If you are asked a direct question then give a direct answer, and do not tell something someone wants to hear, be honest.
If you ask a direct question you expect a direct answer.

If your going to submit, you cannot submit on your terms, if you happen to find a Dom who will allow you to do this , then what kind of Dominant is he ?

Also it is not that you will not have any say , but your whole thought process will be different, you are now in the follow position. The Dominant will lead you will follow.

When you first meet asking the proper questions, and giving honest answers would prevent so much drama and heartache. Many for what ever reason are to intimidated to speak up. If the Dominant has caused this, then you need to step away before even meeting him, so there is no connection.

You cannot gain a connection over the internet alone, well it can be done if both are honest. The truth is we can be who ever we want to be, and make you believe most anything without even meeting.

Married Dominants, they do not want a relationship with you. You will never be able to experience what the D’s lifestyle is truly like. You will never get that one on one attention you need, he will never be available when you need him, but he has agreed to take care of you, he has agreed to be there for you. The truth is that will never happen.
He will never leave his wife, his home, his cars, nor his children, nor is he going to part with his money.
Why would he leave he has the best of both worlds? He has everything at home, and someone who will suck his cock on the side. The truth hurts huh?

In the lifestyle training is for the betterment of the submissive or slave.
You have to decide if you want to be part of a growing relationship, or just a piece of ass on the side that no one knows about. The dirty little secret you cannot even talk about, because your married Dom is afraid you will blow his cover.
Sitting at home on your couch, crying because you cannot get a reply to a text is no way to live.
He cannot text because he is having a cookout with his wife and kids.
The biggest myth is you are the only one he is seeing on the side, if you believe this then you are dumber than your Dom thinks you are already, and yes he thinks your Dumb, he thinks you can do no better, and he thinks you are wrapped around his fingers, and when you leave after a year or so he will find someone to take your place. You are not an asset and never will be.
He will keep you until you become either to needy, or a burden to him. Keep your cock sucker shut and things will go as he had planned

This is why it is very important when a Dominant says he wants to train you, you need to get clarification on what he means.

You have the right to explain your needs, and you need to be sure they are going to be met, before you enter the relationship, because once his lies start they are never ending.

Training is meant to be one on one with no interventions. You should be the Dominants main focus during this time.
Telling you that you are not allowed to cum is not training , and I will tell any Dom or Master face to face he is full of fucking shit.

You calling him Sir, Daddy, or Master, and in his mind he is calling you an idiot.

Does anyone know the Definition of the word CUNT?
Cant understand normal thinking.

Men fall under this category as well it is not only women, because I meet stupid everyday, and I meet a lot of CUNTS

If you stay focused you will go far, if you stick to your plan you will go far. If you stick to your goals in life you will go far. If you make sure your needs are met you will go far.

The only way you can be trained is through someone being consistent, consistency is the KEY.

focused

Yours Truly
Vile

My Interview Questions Are In. I will Be Truthful With My Answers

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, anger, Anger Issues, anticipation, anxiety, Arianna, bdsm, Buddhism, Cheat, Cheaters, Cheating Dominant, commitment, communication, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Dominance Through Intimidation, Dominant, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Giving Head, https://www.facebook.com/vile62, Humiliation, married, Married Dominant, Master, Master And Slave, Masters And Slaves Together, needy, online radio, Philippines, Radio, relationships, Religion, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, slave, Submission, submissive, Thailand, Thekinkyworldofvile, Total Slavery, TPE, Training Arianna, Vile, Vile Radio, Vile Woods on FaceBook with tags , , on July 23, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

So I posted yesterday that I would be willing to answer any question giving to me and answer it honestly.
What I am surprised with but somewhat grateful none of the questions were sexual.

I like doing these interviews , it opens up a whole new world to those we know and follow here on wordpress.

Some of the questions are very deep, so I will try to explain them the best I can….

Susie Jul 22, 8:41 pm

could you please, in depth, list and explain. 5 emotional, physical and spiritual ways Arianne lifts, enhances, & contributes to the quality of your life as a Man,Dom and Master.. By giving the gift of her submission and slaving.

I did say deep didn’t I.

When I first met Arianna I was in a bad place. I had been searching for over a year, for a long term partner, and I had all but giving up. I refused to move on my needs.
I had made plans to move out of the country and I had already obtained employment in the Philippines , my next choice would of been Thailand.

I was not what you would call depressed, I would say more of being lonely. That is the main reason I had decided on taking in a roommate, for the company. Although Kelly is an awesome person, she is like a sister to me, that still did not fill the void.

So when I first was introduced to Arianna, I felt something right away. I felt a connection, and that is something I need.
You can be the hottest bitch to walk the earth, but if I do not have that connection, I cannot fuck, it will not happen.

Spiritually, I am what I would call a spiritual man not religious I am far from religious and I feel I am in a much better place.
I am Buddhist , I have been studying Buddhism for about 15 years, and I believe it has helped me walk the path I walk today.

Arianna has giving me insight, it is like I can breath now, and knowing someone has my back. Physical , this is huge January 1st I quit smoking after 38 years 2 packs a day, because it was a need for Arianna. She does not smoke so it was not really fair to her that I did, and I smoked in the house. My house remember, so to speak. I quit because of my love for her, and me being somewhat older, I want to live a very long time, because she does give some awesome head.
Truth be known there are very few 24/7 M’s couples we are very rare, but there are very few D’s couples who live 24/7 and I am not sure why.

To have someone kneel before you and give you total control over their well being. There is truly no other feeling, it is a total rush, I could feel the blood flowing through my veins. To have such a prize possession giving to you. Truly there can be nothing greater.
It the relationship gives you drive, it makes you want to excel at everything you do, you need to be the best at what you do.
The truth is I want for nothing, my every want and need is anticipated , it is very seldom I even have to ask for anything.

I hope I answer your questions..

The next question was from an email.

Are the pictures you post of Arrianna? Did you always know you were a Master?

Sent from my iPhone No they are not, although the picture on my book cover is her, and she will probably be on all of the upcoming covers. I would never post any nudes of Arianna on here I respect her way to much..
As far as being a Master, I knew I was different at a very young age. At the age of 14 I liked to tie girls up, spank, and so on, it was the control factor I was missing.

thecheekyhousewife Jul 23, 2:13 am

Two questions:
1. Your pen name. You’ve shared how you got it so I get that it’s suppose to be playful or fun. But I’ve been a social worker for 15 years and have seen what vile is. You’re not it. Not even close. So my question is: Would you be open to changing your pen name?
2. You’re friggin hilarious and smart. You’ve compared yourself to Howard Stern. And he’s just gross. Would you ever consider a PG-13 edition of your writing or radio show? I think there are many teenage girls that would benefit from your writing. 🙂

My pen name as you call it has been with me for some 35 years, Gretchen thought I was Vile. That is what and who I am known by and not just here on wordpress.

I would be open to doing another blog, or maybe being a partner with someone under a different name, but to change my name, I could never do that, that would change who I am.

My radio station will be about the lifestyle, BDSM , it will be about my blog, the topics I have covered and I intend on having guest as well. Arianna is and has been very supportive when it comes to the radio station, it means as much to her and it does me.

I have a soft spot for children, today so many are left out in the cold, and they have to fend for themselves and it is really sad. When something goes wrong they take the blame.
If I could just snap my finger and make everything alright I would. If I had a huge farm I would take everyone in who needed help.

No I cannot change who I am..

And another

It seems that neediness is a very common trait among submissives. What is your advice for submissives who have been made to feel that their neediness is a bad thing?? How would you “draw out” a submissive who is closed off and not communicative?

As an experienced Dom, your style has changed over the years, but you have maintained your sense of self through it all, even through your own “training”. Do you think this is an attribute common among Dominants?

Vile, I’ve liked the interviews, they have given a lot of insight into how different people and relationships are. I hope you keep it up.

❤ mel.

It seems that neediness is a very common trait among submissives. What is your advice for submissives who have been made to feel that their neediness is a bad thing?? How would you "draw out" a submissive who is closed off and not communicative?

I have blogged about this before. This is the way you separate the real and from the fakes.
It is true many who are submissive are needy, I believe this is more true with those who are slaves.
Those who are not true, the fake Doms I have talked about, the married Doms or Daddy Doms I have talked about, they are the ones who tell subs that being needy is a bad thing, because then they have responsibility, they actually have to do something in the relationship instead of just getting their cock sucked.
Being needy is not a bad thing, so what if someone depends on you, at least you know you have someone you can depend on. I find someone who is needy to have strength, I believe they will open up more.If you except them for who they are as a person and a submissive, the communication is unlimited. In the end that is what we want communication.

Being needy is only a bad thing when the other does not care about you, and saying it is a bad thing should tell you one thing. They do not care about you.

As an experienced Dom, your style has changed over the years, but you have maintained your sense of self through it all, even through your own "training". Do you think this is an attribute common among Dominants?

This is an awesome question.

I believe Dominants tend to think things out more on an intellectual level than lets say someone who is vanilla. Did that make sense ?
Yes it is true for the most we do have to train ourselves, but as I have stated I myself have always had a mentor, someone I look up to and respect.
I go to him because he will not tell me what I want to hear. If I am fucking up he will tell me.

A good Dominant if he meets someone he cares about, and he believes a relationship is possible, then he should be able to meet ones needs, not really giving in, but bending a little, adapting is the answer I think.

Is it a trait, while all Dominants are not bad, I do not believe it to be common no.
Just like while at the local much and the topic came up about another Master stepping in if something happened to me. There were 12 Doms there and there was not one I would of trusted.

I find the love you have for Ariana to be truly special. To me, it transcends
Master and slave. When did you know she was the one? Was there a specific
moment?

xxoo Jane

Thank you for the email Jane.
The moment My eyes landed on her, actually when she extended her hand and we shook hands, I could feel the warmth. What I saw in her eyes told me everything. I new from the first words out of her mouth.
Thank you.

Image

The Beach where we were Married.

Vile

Guest Blogger Today. Husband Abuse vs. submission

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Advice, Argue, bdsm, controlling, Disrespect, Divorce, Domestic Abuse, married, Safe and Sane, self confidence, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used with tags , , , on July 9, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

You know in two years since the start of Thekinkyworldofvile , I have never had a guest blogger, the truth is I had never really given it much thought.

Much of my blog is about abuse,I am against any type of abuse be it verbal, physical, or mental, and yes to the almighty married men who cannot run their own home.

Recently My dear friend Franco Bolli here on wordpress and several other men brought up the subject about men being abused , and I have witnessed it first hand but never gave it much thought..

I was in the car business I worked as a salesman, and now that I look back on the last couple of years.
I was selling a Dodge Ram Pickup to a man , he was like 10k upside down, looking at a 47.000 truck. Well I said what kind of payments are you looking at ?
He then said I want the truck for 38.000 out the door, god I hate stupid people. So where did you come up with that number ? He said that is just a number I had in my head. I said well I am guessing there are more numbers in your head somewhere.
So I asked do you have a payment goal ? Yes I do 450 a month. so I said even if I could do 38.000 out the door, if you divide 38.000 by 72, that is about 527 a month and you have not even added interest.
So I get up I go into the tower and I come back and I sit down. Okay your truck is worth 29500 and you still owe 39000.
Well Kelly Blue book says its worth 36000, I said fine call kelly blue book and get them to cut you a check.
so when it was all said and done, his payments were going to be around 850 a month.

His wife blew the fuck up. I told you, you stupid mother fucker, you are so fucking ignorant, I never should of married you, it went on and on and on, then she slapped him in the head.
So he comes back in and says hey I am sorry my wife blows up every now and then. I was like man don’t tell me your sorry, your the one sleeping with her.
That was something that happened often, and I just shake my head.

So anyway Mel contacted me and told me what she had witnessed first hand, and that she had written a story about it. So I asked her if she would like to be a guest Blogger, I am not sure where that came from, but hey it is a good idea.
Here is her wordpress a lot of interesting things, you will enjoy.

http://pushingourlimits.wordpress.com/tag/pussy-spanking/

Yea I started off on the page about pussy spanking, so enjoy.

Husband Abuse vs. submission

I witnessed an arguement between a couple recently in the grocery store parking lot. With my son.

They were in the space next to the one I chose with their windows rolled down, and I was unfortunate enough to hear some of the worst verbal abuse I’ve ever heard. If I’d still been in the drivers seat when I heard it, I would’ve started my car and moved spaces. Though, it was a great teaching moment for my little man.

As we were walking in, the man got out of the car, calling the woman a few bad names, and slamming the door. He then stood outside of the car, hitting the roof and roaring, wordlessly at her.

There were plenty of other patrons staring, and as I ushered my almost first grader into the store, I felt so sorry… Not for that woman, but for him. And for all of the other people around me who didn’t understand the REAL abuse that happened prior to his outburst.

Before his shouting and her tears, before almost anyone noticed them, that woman beat down her man with the vicious skill of a practiced abuser. She pummeled him with quiet, but scathing words until he simply could not sit and take it any longer.

When I opened my car door, I heard her say she was glad she’d cheated on him and that she would do it again. Since he wouldn’t fuck her, she found someone who would. Then, methodically, she went over all the reasons he deserved it. She jabbed him about his weight, seared him about his job, mocked him for his social skills, and just before we were out of earshot, she harassed him again about his lack of desire for her.

The man was not more than a few pounds overweight, and honestly, I was surprised when I saw her inside later, because she truly had no room to comment on his weight. They were in a very new car and both had on lovely clothes, so I cannot imagine his job was that terrible. I can’t attest to his social skills, but I’m quite sure that any social awkwardness he had was only amplified by her negativity.

And I certainly could understand not wanting to get intimate with a woman who emasculates you constantly.

Honestly, I can’t imagine this was a random occurrence. He followed her around the store looking like a beaten puppy. And while it sickens me that any man would put up with that, I also feel sorry for him. Because it truly is a form of abuse.

I know women do this. I know they believe they are justified in tearing their men apart because they aren’t perfect. I understand the draw to hurt the person whose inability to meet her needs, hurts her. Calling him names, showing him all the ways he fails, listing all the things he is already insecure about… In an effort to prove to him that he needs to change… Never once thinking about the damage these insults cause and how they never work to improve or enlighten…

It is so sad.

Yes, men do the same. And it’s considered verbal or mental abuse. But, for some reason, it is rarely considered abuse when women do it.

She’s a nag. She just complaining. She belittles him, but it’s ok, because she does it under the guise of wanting to help him. Or the worst, he deserves it.

People feel sorry for her.

And so this man gets the double whammy of not only being abused, but is looked upon as the abuser.

I’ve been guilty of emasculating my man in this way. I’m not a horrible nag, in fact, I’m really easy to please and demand very little. But, at the beginning of this journey toward submission, I basically dropped my unhappiness in my husband’s lap and told him to fix it. I believed he needed to change and laid responsibility on him to do so.

I recognized, after a lifetime of denying it, that I truly wanted my husband to rule our home, including my life and body. I no longer had any desire to lead, and felt that he should simply grab the reins.

Had I not spent a decade taking away every decision and bending him to MY will, he may have easily done so. I recognize the irony in my own arrogance, that I could somehow dominate him into dominating me. I realize how little I actually understood about my OWN submissive desires back then. I see how it must’ve felt and sounded to a man who was happy with his marriage and life, and honestly did not have a clue that his wife wasn’t.

When he couldn’t or wouldn’t “step up” and “take over”, I belittled him to no end… just not to his face. On my blog, in my mind, to his mother, my sisters, anyone who would listen. And though I struggle to use my voice with him directly, that is all still a form of abuse. Surely, he could feel that venom of my resentment, even if I never openly spoke those biting words to him. It was certainly present in my attitude and demeanor.

Then, some things changed this year. I enjoyed a clear glimpse of what praise, adoration and respect could do for a man. I find it easy to build people up, and wondered what would happen if I tried to do that with my husband. Would he respond the same as others have? Could I set aside my expectation and just submit?

I’ve read a lot about marriage, submission and ridding oneself of resentment (cited at the bottom of this post). I’ve pushed myself to communicate more (though I’m still horrible at it). I’ve gained clear perspective of how my submission actually enhances my husband’s natural dominance. I work every day to take what he says literally and never over-analyze his actions (he’s a simple man, he says what he means and does what he says).

I no longer feel unloved, unwanted or unimportant. He is stronger and much more in control. He sees how it affects me which only feeds it. He sees me. Like he’s never seen me before. Because I don’t hide behind “wearing the pants”. Because I need him him to wear them.

And he is. He is taking care of me.

Suddenly, my marriage feels safe and comfortable. No, it is not perfect. But it will probably take a long time to undo what I “trained” him to be. It is a process.

It is like healing abuse.

There are lots of ways women abuse men. Vile’s recent post about Gold Digging was a great example. My testimony above of the verbal abuse I witnessed is probably the most common. Some are far more subtle. But they cause pain or discomfort, and most are clearly intentional.

Withholding sex, denial of other basic needs, ignoring or refusing to communicate, intimidation, threatening false accusations, making false accusations… I could go on. Basically all the tools women use to control men, they are, in fact abusive. The fact that men “shouldn’t put up with that shit” doesn’t change that.

Women react to any sort of stress with fear, it is our predetermined go to emotional response. The matching male response is shame. And the two can feed off each other, creating stress upon stress, forever.

The interesting thing is, the fear response is easier to control. In my personal experience, and through the books I have read (which I will cite below), it is evident that when a women actively prevents herself from contributing to the stress that causes her husband (or any man) to feel shame, her own fear is dampened and sometimes eliminated.

We are sort of programmed to make others feel good, it’s in our chemical makeup, we get a hormonal high off of it. That high makes us feel safe. Even before there is any sort of response from our man.

When you abuse a man, contribute to his shame in any way, his chemical makeup responds with aggression. Abuse leads to abuse.

No abuse is acceptable.

But certainly, lashing out against your abuser is understandable.

In my opinion, I think a very solid majority of failing marriages could be saved by some level of submission by the wife. I know there are lots of relationships out there with a submissive husband and Dominant wife, and I don’t belittle those relationships at all, I know they work and those couples are very happy.

I’m simply using this equation because, in my research, our familial roles are set by our gender. Chemically, biologically and historically.

When a woman decides not to refuse her husband sex, praises him for his successes and achievements instead of demeaning him for his failures, respects his decision making abilities and even relies on them, consistently, and actively gives, pleases and appreciates, effectively submitting to his leadership, guidance and natural role as the “Head of Household”, these changes within her create significant changes within him.

I’m at the front of this process, deciding within the last two months to truly surrender to my husband, instead of expecting him to exert his dominance over me. It has been enlightening. My submission blooms within me, every day. And in turn, he has truly begun taking care of me. As I slather on the praise and adoration, the more he steps up to the plate.

I am a masochist and he is definitely no sadist, but the more I accept what he can offer, appreciate it and revel in it, he seems to delve just a bit deeper and push his own limits without the demands and pleading that I wasted the last year filling his mind with. (Though I do still beg a lot… just in a different context).

Submission means letting go of expectations. Submission means allowing your path to be carved out by someone else. Submission means handing over control.

Surrender means abandoning oneself completely. It’s not about you. It’s about him.

But trust me when I say, when you make it about him, he’ll make it about you… times 100.

Remember what I said about women being programmed to make others feel good? Well, when you succumb to that and do it regularly, his natural response will be taking care of YOU. That will become his top priority.

At least that is how it’s worked out for me, so far. And it is Really. Very. Nice.

The books that I’ve read and am reading that helped me figure out a lot of the things I discussed above:

The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide for Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace with a Man
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking about It
Becoming the Woman of His Dreams

Vile & Mel

argue

Getting Personal With Me. Things You Did Not Know About Me.

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, anal sex, bdsm, Coming Soon Vile Radio, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Dominant, Dominants, Drama, fucking, Germany, Helping Others, Living Poly, Living Triad, Love, Loyal, married, masochist, Master, Radio, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, sex, slave, Submission, submissive on July 7, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

perfectAss Of The Day

I was giving my nick name some 30 years ago while stationed in Germany, from this goth chick named Gretchen.

Music is an outlet for me, I love Yanni, I love Sarah Chang she is an awesome violinist. I love the rock band Cinderella, Tom keifer just has an incredible voice. I love KISS, but my all time favorite is AC/DC they just fucking rock.

I am very low Maintenance, meaning I am very easy to please. I never complain about food that is put before me, I never complain about clothes I have. I am probably the easiest man to get along with you have ever met.

I quit smoking January 1st after 38 years, two packs a day at 5.75 a pack do the math. I am still on the ecig. When I first started I was using 36 mg of nicotine, today I am down to 6 mg.

Those of you who could not guess I am a Libra, I am also a liberal although I have different views. If I were president, things would be much different.

I have a soft heart for those who are submissive and who are slaves. I enjoy helping people.
I have taking women in to my home and helped, and asked for nothing in return. Some did well after leaving, and some just fell back into the same ol same ol.

I love a good cigar, but since I stopped smoking , I am not ready for one yet…

I love fast cars, old muscle cars. Hearing the rumble,feeling the power.
I am not a mechanic, but some 20 years ago I had two 1972 Monte Carlo’s one was a rust bucket with a good motor, the other was nice with a blown motor. It took me all of 8 hours to change both out.

I love Blackberry Brandy, heated in the microwave for about 10 seconds. My favorite is Jack Daniels. I am a happy go lucky drunk, if I am going to get Hammered I listen to elvis.

If you listen to the Song A Country Boy Can Survive, that is me to a T.

I have shot two men in my lifetime , one was trying to car jack me with a knife, which is pretty stupid, and the other I shot in the ass while he was banging my girl. On that note I have never been in jail, nor do I plan on it anytime soon.
Warning if you try to hurt my family I will hurt you. If you break in my house, you had better be right with the man, because your going to meet your maker.

I fought the IRS without a lawyer and I won. That my friends is the truth. Just me oh yes my State Representative, why pay a lawyer when you pay taxes.

I handle things before they become problems, I do not allow any drama in my life.

I search out music that people have redone, other bands, or talent shows. Most of the music is better.

I like to be told I cant do something, I will prove you wrong.

I take the lifestyle very serious, I do live it 24/7. Arianna knows when we are not together I am a text or call away.

I do implement rules, my rules are not sexual, my rules are meant to help, meant to build structure. I do not believe you can have the same rules for different subs or slaves.

We I use the word train, that is exactly what I mean train. The first 90 days will rock your world.
Now speaking of training, you know Arianna and I have been kicking the idea around about adding another Submissive to our family.
Arianna is a Slave, she is a slave by nature, I am very firm with her, but I am fair, you may ask her. Her rules will be much different that the addition to our home. The submissive would not be held to the same standards , although the structure would be the same.

I do not like to be serious 24/7, the fact is no one knows when I am serious or not. I like to joke a lot.

I am very out spoken, this worries Arianna when we are out in public. When talking to others if I think your bull shitting me I will call you out.

I will never talk bad about another Dominant, by the way I do not consider fake dominants to be in that category, so those are fair game.

I live and walk by the truth, I have no reason to lie. A man lies when he has something to gain.

I get stressed as well , I just get quite, that is my thinking time. I never take my stress out on my partner.

It does not matter what kind of car I drive, in my thoughts it is my Jaguar. As I stated above I am not hard to please.

I am not a sadist, although at one time I was, my first slave was a masochist into humiliation. I did not have that need then and I do not have it now. Don’t break your toy.

I am an excellent cook, baking, broiling, or firing up the grill. When I grill I do not use gas. I love to cook and when I am off, I step in and help Arianna out. I know there are times she needs a break.

I am working on a book, Arianna believes there should be two. I am not doing it for profit, nor am I going to write Fiction, I wrote a story that was fiction and everyone hated it. I mainly want to reach out to those in need.

Vile Radio coming soon, this is going to be so much fun, my blog live on the Air……

That is about it if I happen to think of more I will pass it on..

Vile

Spread Whore

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, anal sex, Argue, Arianna, bdsm, Cheating Dominant, Commit, commitment, communication, control, Deception, Dominant, Marriage, married, Married Dominant, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , on July 1, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is for those who do not get it, and maybe a few who do.

Spread whore, yea lets see how far Bill gets with Hillary with that statement. I imagine Hillary is the one with the Strapon.

Guys you are living the dream, and you are fucking it up, because you have struck gold and you get to greedy. You get controlling, abusive with your words, you cheat and there is no need. You can have anything you want, without question anytime , anyplace, without question, and your fucking it up, you are fucking it up so bad, and you truly do not get it. Its not her fault, its greed dude, and a lot of you are full of greed.

Your emotions are greedy, your thoughts are greedy, your needs are greedy, Greed is why the world is in the shape it is in now.

I am living proof that you can have anything you want , anything within your reach. You can have the type of relationship you want, you can get your dick sucked 24/7, you can basically do any fucking thing you want. Why? Because she wants to please, and the more you allow her to open up the more you allow her to be her, the more you will get.

There is only one thing that is stopping all of this. Your acting stupid, some are not acting, and for those I am sorry to tell you, you cannot be fixed.

You get a bitch that will kneel before you and this huge ego grows out of your head, and when your ego swells it does something to your brain because you get stupid

To you screwed in the head vanilla guys who has to step out. The only problem you have at home is the lack of communication, the lack of caring, and the lack of wanting to invest anytime in your relationship. Those are your downfalls.

I cannot say this enough if you communicate, if you sit down and express your feelings and needs, 99% of the time the wife will give in, because that is how she has been raised

Pussy is pussy, a blow job is a blow job, anal sex is anal sex. Here is the thing, you can teach her how you like to fuck, you can teach her how to suck your cock, anal okay that may be a little obstacle but your defense there is babe what I am asking for 3 minutes of your time tops I promise, and yes I will use lube.

I fucked her for 45 minutes, I wore that bitch out, she cant even walk today. Get the fuck out 3 minute man. The ego thing blocks your communication, your to much of a he man, sinbad you pull your belt and your chest expands.

Dude I am living proof, I know it works, and even if you only take in an 1/8 of what I am saying you could be living the dream.

If your wife has had kids and now shes a little well plump, you can fix that, but it requires you to put a little effort into your relationship. 99% of the time your partner will bend over backwards to please you.

If you have the money you can take a picture of Miss December to a plastic surgeon and say I want her to look like this, you can dude, you can have the world if you are willing to invest a little time.

Now if she does not suck cock, or lick your ass, and you knew this before hand, SUCK IT UP DUDE. You agreed to the relationship. If you have to step out on your partner, you are a low life piece of shit, and I hope you catch something that a shot will not cure, I hope your balls rot the fuck off, and you end up talking like Michael Jackson.

I am living proof, you can have anything in a relationship you want or need. Every Morning I open the door, and in my head I am yelling to the top of my lungs FUCK YOU. Because I am the man.

Like Johnny Cash I walk the line.

If you married Miss I am not doing that, dude that is so your fault, its not hers. Choice and consequences.

I was not happy and I got the fuck out. I lost everything I mean everything. I lost a 1955 chevy that I restored from the frame up, I lost a house a block from the fucking beach, I gave the bitch a 160K I lost my Fiat Spider. I fucking left with a duffel bag and a beat up motorcycle

The only way I will ever see another 55 chevy is if I can buy one in cuba and get 4 cubans to attache it to 55 gallon drums and row here for a 100 bucks, and hope they don’t get caught.

I was not happy, my life sucked the people next door who wanted the cook outs , who wanted to drink beer, who wanted to borrow my tools my ex wife got, I was fucking miserable. I left it was simple, no drama not fighting, I left, because I maned up to who and what I was.

If you are willing to invest a little time, if you are willing to communicate on a level that is understandable, and you are able to justify your needs, she will give in.

One of the main issues when it comes to a vanilla relationship and you read Fifty shades, now your king Thor with a raging hard on, NOT. You feel guilty.

Here is what you see, you see it as abuse when it comes to your wife the woman who gave birth to your children. I know dude I was that man. I tried to communicate my needs, and that is when she kicked me the fuck out, I left.

You feel guilty because now you want to face fuck, spank her, you want to try fisting, pulling her hair, but the guilt is so strong.

Here is  an idea? I ll find a bitch who will let me do all of this crazy stuff and I will come home to my wife. You see this girl once a week, twice a month, once a month, get your rocks off and go home. How is this fair, you are making promises you are not going to keep, because your not going to give up everything, walk away and have to start all over

You can be playful, spread whore, suck my dick, communication. If you communicate, you can have your whore, your slut, you can teach her how to suck your cock. Ive got news for you, SHE WANTS TO KNOW DUDE, but you do not know how to communicate.

If you talk to her and you get get her to come around call me put her on the phone. One or two things will happen. One she will drop to her knees, pull your cock out and try to suck your balls through your penis OR you will be packing either way your happy so Vile fixed your problem.

If your looking for Sympathy from me you need to look in the dictionary between shit and Syphilis because you will not get it from me.

Spice things up, role play, pick her up in a bar, drop her off on a street corner pick her up, let her be the mean bad teacher, if your that way and you want to submit, sure.

If you are not willing to communicate she has no clue, and if she is trying to read your mind, chances are there is not even a page, because your stupid and stupid cant be fixed.

She may not like some of the things you like, but she will do it, she is wired that way, she was raised that way, unless she was raised by two lesbians which is possible, but hey you chose to, and there is nothing wrong with two lesbians so no hate mail thank you.

Man up dude. talk to her.

Just random thoughts I can do that because its my blog.

submission1

To Those Who Cheat

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Advice, anal sex, anger, Anger Issues, Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, Being fucked, being used, Cheat, Cheaters, cheating, Cheating Dominant, cock sucking, commitment, communication, consequences, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, Daddy Dom, Daddy Doms, Discipline, Dominant, Dominant Switch, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Fake Dominants, Lies, married, Married Dominant, Master And Slave, morals, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, sucking dick, Vile, Vile Woods on FaceBook, Wedding Vows on June 1, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I give my opinions nothing more , I may not be much but I am a man with Morals, I am a man with pride, I am a man who lives by the truth , but most of all I am a man who is loyal to the end.

I was stuck in a bad marriage for 9 years because I was at Bush Gardens one year and as I was sitting there watching all these married couples pass me by who had children , I started thinking man I am missing out on a lot. The wife, the kid the dog, the house with a fence, cooking out with the smith’s I was missing out on something very special.

Chong had just left maybe I was just feeling lonely, my feelings were mixed, my mind was going a thousand miles an hour. So I found a wife. To this day I harbor some guilt, not because I still love her, that is so far from the truth, but because I lead her down a false path, I made her believe I was someone else, and for 8 1/2 years I lived a lie. The longer we were married to more it tore me up on the inside, I was dieing to get the fuck out, but I was going to try one thing. I was going to come clean about who I was and what I needed. Well that did not go over so well, and being married to the church lady did not help the situation at all. So I was asked to leave, and it was not until after I moved out Bea and I came into play. Now I had met Bea on line but we had not met each other until I moved out.

We had a son while I was married he will be 16 this year, and here is part of my morals coming out. I have not missed a child support payment in 16 years, although it is court ordered it does not come out of my pay check. 16 years not one payment has been missed and for many years I paid twice the amount that I was suppose to because I knew how she was struggling.  Again part of my morals.

Part of my morals when we were married I took vows, and many of you wrote your own vows, you swore to stand by each other through thick and thin for better or worse. You said it looking into each others eyes, and your husband or wife believed you, they took what you said to heart and trusted you.

Now there are circumstances that comes into light than can change those vows, If you are being abused, be it mentally or physically.. If you catch your spouse cheating, that is the unforgivable sin in my home. I told Arianna first thing if you cheat make sure that is who you want to be with because that is where you are moving. I refuse to sleep with someone who has been where I lay. The unforgivable sin, if you fuck around you are dead in my eyes.

Okay so we change, we are human, our needs change, not wants our needs. We begin to age and we want more out of life, so this is where the communication comes into play. You do have the right to express your needs, you have the right to tell your spouse how you have changed. If your spouse refuses to comply or try, then you have the right to leave, remember the VOWS you took now, for better or worse.

So the female cheats because she is not getting her kink met, her husband no longer communicates with her, they are no longer on the same intellectual level, hes hanging with the boys at the bar. You have the right to communicate, you have the right to express your needs. What you do not have the right to do is let someone other dude bang you and then go home to the man who has built the roof over your head, the man who pays your bills the man who puts food on your table, the father of your children, because this other dude is not going to share any of that responsibility, he is there for the pussy. The bad news is, the relationship will be short lived and you will be back to square one. The truth is you will get caught it is not when but how. You have to think is it fair to drag your children into your mess, to drag your whole family into your mess. Is it fair to catch something you cannot get a shot for and pass it on to your spouse. Again you took Vows.

The male who cheats, once a cheater always a cheater. So his wife will not suck cock, or refuses to do anal. He knew this before he took his what ? His Vows he knew this ahead of time, but at that point and time it was not a need because he had a steady piece of ass, he was or is getting a steady piece almost every night but the one thing missing was the cock sucking, being able to get the ass. Now it becomes a need because you told him no. If you tell a man NO then he needs it, it is in bedded in his brain now he has to have it.

Now we have google, I found Bea through yahoo profile searches which was the best. all you had to do was go to profiles and type in submissive or slave and a million names popped up. I had the world at my finger tips. The internet is a powerful mother fucker, you can find anything, including a bitch that will suck cock. someone who will take it up the ass, someone who will crawl to you,and someone who will sit by their phone and wait for your text or call.

You found your married Dom your married daddy. He is married to the worst bitch in the world, shes a fucking cunt, she is worthless, she is a bad mother, he wishes he was not still married to her, but you saved him your just what he needs now. He has been assuring you he is going to leave, but the time has to be right.

The bad thing is you fall for it, and you wait and you wait and you wait, but it never comes , he never moves out, even though she is so bad. She will not communicate with him, she will not have sex with him, she does not connect with him, she is so so bad, but he never leaves.

The truth is everything is fine on the home front except the sucking cock part, or the ass fucking, being able to tie you up, being able to spank you, you know the little things his bad wife wont do, but she does cook clean, probably works as well, and takes care of his children. He takes them out, they go on vacations together, school functions, they have cook outs with the smiths, while you sit and stare at your phone.

I am telling you this as a man not a pissed off woman, I am letting you in on how a male thinks , because I do not want to see you be someones bitch who is just there to suck cock once or twice a month.

If his life was so bad and he was treated so bad, you know what ? He would leave. He would pack his shit up and move the fuck out no matter the cost. No man is going to stay where he is not happy its not going to happen. On the other hand if he can stay home and get ass on the side, he will ride the storm out.

You know 30 years ago if you caught something you could go to the doctor and get a shot. Today that is not true, and most of you do not enforce any type of protection, putting your own life in danger. In the end you will be stuck alone, and your Dom or daddy is still cooking out with the smiths.

Some men for what ever reason are just close minded, I know dudes who don’t even like blow jobs, I know dudes who think anal sex is nasty. Some men see tying you up and spanking you as abuse. Some are just that stupid. A woman can tell their husband here I am you can do anything you want, and they think your sick, they think you need help. Like you I do not get it nor do I understand it.

If your an unhappy submissive and you have talked to your husband and he will not come around, if your kink means that much to you then leave. If you need to submit and he will not fill that dominant role then leave, but you better hope the one you move in with is going to be able to provide for you on all levels.

To the women who are subs or baby girls, and your seeing a married man.. He is not going to leave his wife, he is not going to leave the stability he has. He is not going to leave the mother of his children There are a few who will very few, but you have to look at his side of the world can you fill the shoes his wife can, because everything today comes down to money. If his wife is making a hundred grand a year and your making thirty grand a year, go on think about it, or maybe your not even working, the odds are not there, but if your a betting woman, go ahead and roll the dice.

I am just ranting, if your being cheated on it is not fair, if your the cheater its not fair. Somewhere in your head or heart if your seeing a married man, you have to be thinking about his wife, the one who gave birth to his children, the one who has built what he has, the one who has stood by all his bull shit. How would you feel if you were being cheated on? In a way you are because hes banging both of you.

Remember all you get is one side of the story, his side. If he says she does not care what he does, then it should be alright for you to talk to his wife. Last if you think you are the only one he is banging, your really dumb.

Image

Vile

 

If Your Dominant Is Married

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, Bad Dominant, bdsm, Cheat, Cheaters, cheating, Cheating Dominant, control, controlling, Ex wife, married, Married Dominant, sex, slave, submissive, sucking cock, sucking dick on May 26, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Ok I am on a rolling rant this am, it is now 7.30am eastern time and Ive been up since 3.40am. I get up with Arianna every morning so we can have coffee together and just talk.

I was in a miserable Marriage for 9 long fucking years, wow what the fuck was I thinking. I wanted the Leave it to Beaver thing. The house the kids the dog, the fence. Get the fuck out. The worst sex I ever had, could not suck a dick to save the ark from sinking, and fucking was like dead weight. She lied to me all the time, even if the truth was adventitious to her. She spent money faster than the government. So I finely came clean about who and what I was, and I was told to move. I left with a duffel bag  and my motorcycle. I left her the house, the dog and over a 100.000 dollars in the bank. I think I may of had a 1000 dollars on me. Who gives a fuck, I did not because I was now free. Nine Miserable years and I remained loyal. I never stepped out of my marriage. I was a bigger man than that.

Okay I had met Beatrice on yahoo six months before I moved out, but Bea had the 6 month thing going on. She refused to meet anyone until she had known them for 6 months, so was that really cheating? Maybe, but I never asked her for any nudes, nor did we talk about sex. It was not long after I had moved into a beachfront apartment that she moved in, and I was finely in a good place.

If he cannot run his own home, if he has no control over his own home, how in the fuck can he control you.

If your seeing a married man, you will always be on the back burner, you will never be number one, and if you think for one minute he is going to leave his wife, you need to take a stupid pill. He is seeing you for one thing and one thing only SEX. His wife wont let him spank her, or she will not take it up the ass, but you will. You have the wild thought he is going to leave everything the two of them have built and just up and leave.

If you think about this, if you think real hard he would of already left, but he has not because he knows she will take him to the bank, she will clean his clock.

Now your seeing a married Dominant but most who are married and cheating are Daddy Doms, the biggest pussy’s on earth. Baby Girls are easy prey, they are more needy, they need more attention, but your not going to get that, your going to get a bag of broken promises and nothing more.

Now if your a submissive with any kind of a heart, if you have a conscious of any kind, if you have any feelings of any kind. Why would you come between something his wife has spent years building. They have had children together, they have bought a house together, cars, gone on vacations, family reunions , they have the jones over for cookouts. Why would you want to hurt her? What has his wife done to you?

Now your only getting one side of the story. His. Your only getting his side, how bad of a wife she is, how she does not care about him, how she wants to fight all the time, she makes him feel smothered. She makes his life miserable. Well if his life was so bad he would leave. He would pack up just like I did and say See ya, adios, I am out of here, you can have it, I am done. Think about it.

Nooo you sit by your cell phone waiting for a text, waiting for an email, your just waiting. but you never get it, and when you text it could be hours or days before you hear back.

If you think your the only other one he is fucking you are some kind of dumb, but you cant see it,all you know is you have found the one, the one you have been searching for your whole life. Please do not think for a minute if he does happen to leave his wife and you get lucky that he will not fuck around on you. He fucked around on his wife and his kids, why would he not fuck around on you.

You have got to think, don’t be responsible for wrecking what his wife has worked so hard to build , because no matter how big of a dirt bag he is she has stuck by him, she did nothing to you.

Vile