I like people asking questions , at times it does make things much easier. I have nearly 500 post all related to BDSM and the Lifestyle. I guess it is kinda like a rock band who writes their own music, after a while you just cannot write any longer you run out of stuff. That is why older bands from the 70’s and 80’s are touring with the same old music.
So at times it is just hard to come up with a topic. I do not plan on going anyplace anytime soon. It is much better at times when someone does ask a question, but always remember my answers are just my opinion. I also like it when people are objective, I love a good argument, or better yet a good debate.
So Arianna and I were asked a question yesterday, a very good question and it really made Arianna think. Arianna is more private than I am as most have noticed, and that is okay , I do respect her space and the fact that she is private when it comes to our lifestyle, although most of her coworkers and family do know. It is just not something she talks about. I on the other hand, I am very outgoing, I also enjoy sharing my life experiences. What I will not do is go into great detail about our play, nor will I ever post any nude pics of her. I find that to be very disrespectful in so many ways. I have posted a few on my facebook page, but nothing out of the way.
So the question was. When the submission turns into surrender? Below is the question from Mysticalkitty
There is a question bothering me for some time. And it needs an answer from both sides of the coin. Thus …
Would you Ariana please answer it…
Would you Vile please answer it…
When the submission turns into surrender?
Thank you both for keeping your life’s door so generously open and utterly genuine sharing.
We did answer the question but I would like to add a little more to my answer.
There are a couple of ways to look at the word surrender, when it comes to an M’s relationship. So I suppose in a since a submissive or slave does in a way surrender, but it is a giving, nothing is taken.
In the D’s or M’s lifestyle it is really hard to find the one. I mean the one. I am not speaking of the 9 1/2 weeks type of relationship.
After giving it some thought I think and the submissive or slave is looking just for that. To Surrender, their feelings , mind, and body. The need to let someone take full control, while being in control if that makes any since.
Okay here we go, this subject does not apply to those married Dominants who are going behind their wife’s back and finding a bitch that will do things she will not or because you feel guilty. Yea I am rough on married dudes.
The surrender is a long time coming, and it can be many years before you connect with the right one. Most like Arianna were a slave long before they even new the word or the meaning. Just submitting without really knowing, or having the need to please and not a care about being pleased. The truth is you can only take a one way street for so long.
If your a sub or slave can you fully surrender yourself to a married man, knowing he will never leave his wife and kids? Can you as a sub or slave truly give yourself, your all? Can you just turn your life over to someone who will never put you in the number one spot and keep you there.
Arianna comes first, no matter what. We had a dinner at work because we had reached our goal for the month, a very nice dinner. It was only for the employs not the spouses. So when I was asked , are you coming my reply was not my wife cannot come. So I was asked what that mattered? My answer was I do not go anyplace my wife is not welcomed. Again number one. She may be my slave but she is my princess, she is my partner, and wife.
Lee Surrendered to Grant, not because he wanted to, he had to. He did not want to put his men through anymore pain and suffering, so we are speaking of a different type of surrender.
There comes a time sometimes a submissive but for the most a slave, just hands everything over to their Master. Here I am take me, guide me, use me in anyway you see fit, but please do not hurt me. That my friend is a huge task to carry on one’s shoulders. Now not only do you have to worry about yourself, take care of yourself, you have another. Think about it someone is giving you everything they can possibly give, and if you think about the trust that goes along with it, That is huge my friend.
Arianna wrote a blog and asked me to post it three days ago.Being a slave part two. she explained in more detail about our life, and the responsibility we both had.
Let me tell you something , I want for nothing I do mean nothing. Yes again that is huge, the word no or I cant is not in Ariannas vocabulary, The thing is I do not pile her plate full, I do not give more than she can take. I do not set up for failure. I want to see Arianna excel , improve in all ways in life.
First thing in the am Arianna makes a list of daily task, and I look them over, I check each one, and sometimes I remove things because I can clearly see what she is trying to do is almost impossible, adding to much to her daily activity. Arianna is my responsibility.
In seven or eight months Arianna has been punished once, and only once. Just as her response to MysticalKitty.
She has thought about breaking a rule but then she thinks about the consequences. It quickly changes her mind. The other day she made an admission that she had forgotten something and she had been told about it before. My response was, do it again and I promise you will not be able to sit for a week, she knows I mean what I say. On the other hand I do not just sit around waiting on her to break a rule. Again setting up for failure.
Our job as a Dominant is to build, not to destroy. We are here for support, and guidance. We are trusted like no other.
My house my rules. My house my protocols. This is not a democracy and it never will be. When we first met I explained everything very clear, about what I expected out of a relationship. When I explain something I go into great detail, so there is nothing to miss, or something that she will not understand, I cover all bases. so there is never a mistake.
The rewards are like no other, it is like finding that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you as the dominant has anything and everything you could possibly ever want.
I am sure those of you who are single submissive and slave, when meeting someone new you spent more time sucking cock that you did in general conversation, or you spent more time on your back giving yourself in hopes that you found the one. This is not uncommon shit happens. Some has probably been through more than one relationship, in finding the one, or your still looking.
If you meet a new dominant and within the first 15 minutes the topic of sex comes up, dump him, or if your chatting the same thing click on the X. Because if you continue you are nothing more than a good blow job or a good fuck. You are surrendering to the wrong one.
Arianna and I were up in Tennessee a couple of months ago to visit my family, by the way they love her. Driving around Arianna made the comment out of the blue. You are the first I have met that did not think with their cock. You are the first that did not put sex above everything else. A very impressive statement.
Most of the time she does asked if she can suck my cock, or I will be watching TV and Ill just pull her head down or snap my finger, she knows. This is done willingly it is giving, this is her surrender giving herself. The need to please, and yes at times I am the pleaser, I do give in return. It took me a very long time to come to realize that it was not a one way street, that I myself had to give.
I was not looking for a maid, nor was I looking for a cook. I cook a lot, I will do laundry from time to time. Most of the time I pick up behind myself.
When I get home from work, if Arianna is already a sleep. My night clothes are laid out, A huge glass of water by the bed, cold I might add. My coffee mug is sitting by the coffee pot, ready for the next morning.
Again I want for nothing, and I could not ask for more, there is really nothing more to ask for. Yes I get up with Arianna every morning, I make her coffee, and we sit and talk, even if I have only had a couple of hours a sleep, I am there with her. I get up at 3.30am to spend time with her even when I do not have to be at work until noon. The only bad thing is once I am up, I am up, but she is worth every minute I am with her.
Surrender can be a good thing, if you surrender to the right one.