Archive for the needy Category

Your Not Broken , Or Are You

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, codependent, Conform, Consensual, consequences, consistent, control, Master, needy, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, sucking dick with tags , , , , , , , on July 25, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Over the years I have spoken to many who were submissive telling me they were broken.
Over the years I have taking in several who were in a bad way in one form or another, from being abused to drug addiction, and for the most I was pretty successful in helping most.
The one thing I stand by is I will only help those who are trying to help themselves, no free ride here. I made it clear you want help you gotta work for it.

There were no sexual favors, I am not wired like that, but the gratification of seeing someone on their last leg, and walk out the door with a car and a job and ready to move on, was worth more than any medal, or any amount of cash.

You cannot think your submissive, you cannot think your a slave, you have to know. You have to know without a doubt. Because if you enter a relationship you are in for a very long hard road.

Okay so your needy, so what if you have problems making decisions, so what if you get overwhelmed, who cares if your codependent. Many of these are characteristics of a submissive or a slave.
Don’t jump the gun every sub or slave is not what I described above , but for the most the above is true.

The problem is when you enter a relationship with a Dominant who is not willing to take on some of the responsibility, or someone who is in it just for the sex. Yes even those who are married and your just his hoe on the side.

If a Dominant tells you that your to needy fix it, then you have entered the wrong room.

You shared all of this information with the Dominant when you first met, you spilled your heart out believing he was going to be there for you. You thought you were excepted for the way you were, and you were until the needy in you came out. Then you were no longer a mouth to fuck you are now a burden. You have become the problem, you no longer are a need. So the Dom will begin to distance himself from you.

Now providing you were honest from the beginning, there is no reason for a change of attitude.

Some will disagree with me but I believe if your needy , then you will always be needed. Some will say that can be fixed. The same with someone being codependent , you may be able to tell someone they do not have to be codependent and help is available to them with medication of course, or after years of counseling. Why not just find someone who excepts you for who you are ? That to me seems like its pretty simple.

That is what you tell yourself over and over. I want someone to except me for me. I do not want someone to try and change me.

Now when you are broken, is when your in a fucked up relationship, and your taking all the bullshit , hoping your Dom is going to change or fix something and you know its not going to happen, then yes your Broken.

When you sit around and complain about how fucked up your life is , then yes your Broken….

Although it is you who would have to adapt to your new Dominant or Masters way, you should not have to change who you are.

Do not ever believe there is something wrong with being needy, Do not ever be concerned if you are in any way codependent, you should be excepted for who and what you are.

Arianna has limitations, I knew that going into the relationship, I also know when she has hit that point of being overwhelmed. I excepted that. I know something make her stressed, I also excepted that.
I helped I did not try to change her, that is who I fell in love with. Why change perfection?

You can be Broken or not it is your choice.

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Vile

My Interview Questions Are In. I will Be Truthful With My Answers

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, anger, Anger Issues, anticipation, anxiety, Arianna, bdsm, Buddhism, Cheat, Cheaters, Cheating Dominant, commitment, communication, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Dominance Through Intimidation, Dominant, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Giving Head, https://www.facebook.com/vile62, Humiliation, married, Married Dominant, Master, Master And Slave, Masters And Slaves Together, needy, online radio, Philippines, Radio, relationships, Religion, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, slave, Submission, submissive, Thailand, Thekinkyworldofvile, Total Slavery, TPE, Training Arianna, Vile, Vile Radio, Vile Woods on FaceBook with tags , , on July 23, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

So I posted yesterday that I would be willing to answer any question giving to me and answer it honestly.
What I am surprised with but somewhat grateful none of the questions were sexual.

I like doing these interviews , it opens up a whole new world to those we know and follow here on wordpress.

Some of the questions are very deep, so I will try to explain them the best I can….

Susie Jul 22, 8:41 pm

could you please, in depth, list and explain. 5 emotional, physical and spiritual ways Arianne lifts, enhances, & contributes to the quality of your life as a Man,Dom and Master.. By giving the gift of her submission and slaving.

I did say deep didn’t I.

When I first met Arianna I was in a bad place. I had been searching for over a year, for a long term partner, and I had all but giving up. I refused to move on my needs.
I had made plans to move out of the country and I had already obtained employment in the Philippines , my next choice would of been Thailand.

I was not what you would call depressed, I would say more of being lonely. That is the main reason I had decided on taking in a roommate, for the company. Although Kelly is an awesome person, she is like a sister to me, that still did not fill the void.

So when I first was introduced to Arianna, I felt something right away. I felt a connection, and that is something I need.
You can be the hottest bitch to walk the earth, but if I do not have that connection, I cannot fuck, it will not happen.

Spiritually, I am what I would call a spiritual man not religious I am far from religious and I feel I am in a much better place.
I am Buddhist , I have been studying Buddhism for about 15 years, and I believe it has helped me walk the path I walk today.

Arianna has giving me insight, it is like I can breath now, and knowing someone has my back. Physical , this is huge January 1st I quit smoking after 38 years 2 packs a day, because it was a need for Arianna. She does not smoke so it was not really fair to her that I did, and I smoked in the house. My house remember, so to speak. I quit because of my love for her, and me being somewhat older, I want to live a very long time, because she does give some awesome head.
Truth be known there are very few 24/7 M’s couples we are very rare, but there are very few D’s couples who live 24/7 and I am not sure why.

To have someone kneel before you and give you total control over their well being. There is truly no other feeling, it is a total rush, I could feel the blood flowing through my veins. To have such a prize possession giving to you. Truly there can be nothing greater.
It the relationship gives you drive, it makes you want to excel at everything you do, you need to be the best at what you do.
The truth is I want for nothing, my every want and need is anticipated , it is very seldom I even have to ask for anything.

I hope I answer your questions..

The next question was from an email.

Are the pictures you post of Arrianna? Did you always know you were a Master?

Sent from my iPhone No they are not, although the picture on my book cover is her, and she will probably be on all of the upcoming covers. I would never post any nudes of Arianna on here I respect her way to much..
As far as being a Master, I knew I was different at a very young age. At the age of 14 I liked to tie girls up, spank, and so on, it was the control factor I was missing.

thecheekyhousewife Jul 23, 2:13 am

Two questions:
1. Your pen name. You’ve shared how you got it so I get that it’s suppose to be playful or fun. But I’ve been a social worker for 15 years and have seen what vile is. You’re not it. Not even close. So my question is: Would you be open to changing your pen name?
2. You’re friggin hilarious and smart. You’ve compared yourself to Howard Stern. And he’s just gross. Would you ever consider a PG-13 edition of your writing or radio show? I think there are many teenage girls that would benefit from your writing. 🙂

My pen name as you call it has been with me for some 35 years, Gretchen thought I was Vile. That is what and who I am known by and not just here on wordpress.

I would be open to doing another blog, or maybe being a partner with someone under a different name, but to change my name, I could never do that, that would change who I am.

My radio station will be about the lifestyle, BDSM , it will be about my blog, the topics I have covered and I intend on having guest as well. Arianna is and has been very supportive when it comes to the radio station, it means as much to her and it does me.

I have a soft spot for children, today so many are left out in the cold, and they have to fend for themselves and it is really sad. When something goes wrong they take the blame.
If I could just snap my finger and make everything alright I would. If I had a huge farm I would take everyone in who needed help.

No I cannot change who I am..

And another

It seems that neediness is a very common trait among submissives. What is your advice for submissives who have been made to feel that their neediness is a bad thing?? How would you “draw out” a submissive who is closed off and not communicative?

As an experienced Dom, your style has changed over the years, but you have maintained your sense of self through it all, even through your own “training”. Do you think this is an attribute common among Dominants?

Vile, I’ve liked the interviews, they have given a lot of insight into how different people and relationships are. I hope you keep it up.

❤ mel.

It seems that neediness is a very common trait among submissives. What is your advice for submissives who have been made to feel that their neediness is a bad thing?? How would you "draw out" a submissive who is closed off and not communicative?

I have blogged about this before. This is the way you separate the real and from the fakes.
It is true many who are submissive are needy, I believe this is more true with those who are slaves.
Those who are not true, the fake Doms I have talked about, the married Doms or Daddy Doms I have talked about, they are the ones who tell subs that being needy is a bad thing, because then they have responsibility, they actually have to do something in the relationship instead of just getting their cock sucked.
Being needy is not a bad thing, so what if someone depends on you, at least you know you have someone you can depend on. I find someone who is needy to have strength, I believe they will open up more.If you except them for who they are as a person and a submissive, the communication is unlimited. In the end that is what we want communication.

Being needy is only a bad thing when the other does not care about you, and saying it is a bad thing should tell you one thing. They do not care about you.

As an experienced Dom, your style has changed over the years, but you have maintained your sense of self through it all, even through your own "training". Do you think this is an attribute common among Dominants?

This is an awesome question.

I believe Dominants tend to think things out more on an intellectual level than lets say someone who is vanilla. Did that make sense ?
Yes it is true for the most we do have to train ourselves, but as I have stated I myself have always had a mentor, someone I look up to and respect.
I go to him because he will not tell me what I want to hear. If I am fucking up he will tell me.

A good Dominant if he meets someone he cares about, and he believes a relationship is possible, then he should be able to meet ones needs, not really giving in, but bending a little, adapting is the answer I think.

Is it a trait, while all Dominants are not bad, I do not believe it to be common no.
Just like while at the local much and the topic came up about another Master stepping in if something happened to me. There were 12 Doms there and there was not one I would of trusted.

I find the love you have for Ariana to be truly special. To me, it transcends
Master and slave. When did you know she was the one? Was there a specific
moment?

xxoo Jane

Thank you for the email Jane.
The moment My eyes landed on her, actually when she extended her hand and we shook hands, I could feel the warmth. What I saw in her eyes told me everything. I new from the first words out of her mouth.
Thank you.

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The Beach where we were Married.

Vile

My Way Of Thinking

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Argue, Arianna, bdsm, commitment, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, Dominants, Local events, MAST, Master & Slave, Master And Slave, needy, Owned Slave, owning a slave, poly, poly slaves, sex, slave, Slave Onwer, Structure, Submission, submissive, sucking cock on February 7, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I need that control, it is like I thrive, it is like fuel. That is one thing we all have to master. The Mastery of being in control.

Some say I am somewhat unethical in the way I run our relationship. Most will say I am to strict. Most say I have to much control. They may be right in everything they are saying, but the key factor is. It is not their house. So in the end they can think what ever they want but it does not matter they have no control over me or how I run my home.

That being said. My entire world revolves around Arianna. She is the only one I care about. She is the only one I have to take care of or worry about.

The other night we were talking about somethings I liked but she was more than willing to follow through with things. One she is a Slave, but two and the most important she loves and cares about me.

So I have to think about her. What the outcome would be doing things she is not happy with. I have to think if I do this what is it going to do to her mentally .

Also just like my ex wife, after I opened up about my kink and my needs she had agreed to try something. The first was spanking. I could see immediately that she was getting nothing out of it. That being the case It was less of a turn on to me, and in the end it did nothing for me.

Before we act we need to think of the submissive or slave. Most will go along with pretty much anything if they think they are pleasing. It is the inner thoughts we never know about, or what effects it is having on them.

Then there is the other side. If the Dominant has been up front about everything and his needs are agreed on, then there is no guilt.

Most who are not who they say they are, and they prey on the submissive, generally have no feelings about the other nor is it ever a thought. These guys are getting what they want and nothing more.

As far as the poly thing goes I have talked to other Dominants about it. When I ask why do you need more than one slave, the only answer I get is I need more flavor. It is never how it could benefit the house or the other slave. So I wonder when the Dominant explains to the slave how they need more flavor. How does that make the slave feel ? How does it make the slave feel knowing their owner needs more than one to fill complete.

Let me explain something. Most poly relationships are not live in situations. Most live apart. Although there are some family’s that live together for the most that is not the case. So the Slave who does not live with the couple , seems to me they are just a piece of ass on the side. The Dominant usually has full control over the third. At times there is a third Then another reason is maybe the first slave is not into pain. So the Master seeks out to a Masochist, again they do not live together. These types of relationships are short lived, it does not take the third long to figure out they will always be on the other side of the fence.

The second scenario the three live together. They can either have separate bedrooms or all three can sleep together. Now why bring another into a relationship that is going good?

One reason would be to take some of the load off of the first slave. Be it task, shopping, cleaning, and I suppose to fill in for the other kinks the first one is not happy with doing. The two form a bond, almost to the point of being a sister. They become inseparable, and grow to depend on each other. This type of relationship can work, I have seen it work, I have made it work in the past. It takes a great deal of time, but it can happen.

The main two the Master and Slave have to talk about the up’s and downs and the what if’s . Then the Master needs to decide if a third is really needed.

The other thing that bothers me at times. It is really hard for a slave to make friends outside of the home. Arianna knows this first hand. Everyone she has met seemed okay in the beginning but in the end they turned out to be flakes. So I decided that I would step up to the plate and I would choose her friends. Well It turns out I didn’t know people as well as I thoughts I did. They were still flakes, full of problems, full of drama. So maybe one day Arianna will find that one she can truly call a friend.

When I had talked about a third that was really my reasoning behind the whole thing. The truth is Arianna is way to insecure for such an adventure . That is not her fault nor is it mine, it just is, and I am good with that.

So my way of thinking along with the above. I do consider myself an owner, even in today’s times to some that is kinda hard to grasp. My slave has giving herself willingly and without question. Our relationship is consensual in all aspects. I am the owner of living property. I am Master because that is what she chooses to call me.

I asked her recently if she would like to call me My Owner although she does say that sometimes , she said it made her feel distant. I do understand.

My way Of thinking being an owner of property. It gives me many rights. I have the right to use as I see fit. Although before entering the relationship we did negotiate on some things, more on her side, because I refused to budge on my needs. On the things she is against , I respect her stance on somethings. It is my responsibility to insure she remains in good health not only physically but mentally.

I told Arianna from the beginning. The word NO does not come out of her mouth. I also explained that I would use her and use on a regular basis. I am speaking of sex of course. Again that is my right as an owner of property.

Let me explain what gives me these rights. I from the start of the relationship have kept my word. I have done everything I said I would do and much much more. I have stepped up to the plate, every time, and will continue to do so. I have been completely honest, I have never lied to her. I have remained consistent. She does know my main focus is on her, she does know that no matter what I will be there for her.

My way of thinking. I lead she will follow without question.

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Vile

Behavior Modification Is Alive And Real

Posted in 24/7, Acceptance, Adapt, Arianna, bdsm, Behavior Modification, Change, communication, Conform, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, Discipline, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Fetish, Humiliation, Humiliation Training, Kink, kinky, MAST, Master, Master And Slave, needy, owning a slave, poly, Protocol, Rules, sex, slave, Slave no rights, slave positions, stop smoking, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, Total Slavery, TPE, Train your slave, training your slave on January 12, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

First things first today is the 12th of January and I am cigarette free. Well not totally I have this little friend called an ecig, which has really helped. There are some pretty bad withdraws though, this is after smoking for 38 years.

Now The Story.

Behavior Modification is real and alive. Along with such modification comes choices and consequences. Remember as a Dominant or Master we are taking full control over someones life. I am not so sure if this really is geared towards Dominants although there may be more than I really know about.

Most slaves when you start speaking about Behavior Modification, kinda look mat you like their skeptical , or like your nuts, but it is alive and well.

The choice however should be that of the slaves. How far do you want to take your submission? How do you see yourself living as a slave on a daily basis? How do you see yourself serving? Is it Domestic? Sex Slave ? or both?

Arianna wanted to relinquish full control. She wanted zero responsibility. Again that was something I did not just jump into, because now you have a huge ass fire you have to be able to control. You the master has to keep this fire contained, you have to learn how to control it.

I have talked about this before but maybe not in as great detail. How deep you want to go now depends on the master.

I thought for sure there would be some type of resistance but that was not the case, as a matter of fact there was none, which really shocked me

So to start out with all the things in life she liked or wanted, she now had to ask for. Instead of just sitting she had to ask for permission. She had to ask for permission to go to the bathroom, to eat, to drink, to get dressed. She was no longer able to make the simplest decisions, with the exception of work.

She was now told how to dress, how to do her hair, what color. She had to ask for permission to do her nails and I picked the color and she wore the color whether she liked or not. I picked out a hair style, this was the deal breaker here or so I thought. We went to a beauty shop and I showed the woman the style and she just looked at me. She shaved one side of Arianna’s head, leaving the other somewhat long. This all falls under Behavior Modification.

Once you begin I will say it again you have to be consistent in your training. You can not give in or give your slave a day of rest for the first 90 days. You must be diligent in your training. No matter how bad you feel , you have to stay on track.

You take things away from the slave, such as free time, Tv, music, limit their phone use. Everything they had available on a daily basis now becomes a need.

Humiliation should also play a factor in your training. Slave positions is a good way to start. Making the Slave expose themselves to you. Chances are they have been seen nude, but never fully exposed. On their back legs spread with them pulling their lips open just for your viewing pleasure, or position number two I like on hands and knees head down ass up both hands spreading ass wide open, again just for your viewing pleasure.

I do not think anyone really uses the words Behavior Modification during training. Most of the time it is I am going to train you, but what you are doing is teaching someone your way of life and what is expected. You either conform to the new way of life or you don’t, you either stay or you don’t. If you choose to stay then let the process begin, how the process goes all depends on the Slave, it can be an easy transition or you can fight it.

I have blogged about  Behavior Modification before but I wanted to cover a lot more, I felt like I left somethings out, and I will probably think of more down the road.

Maybe some Dominants do not take things to the extreme,maybe some do not want to dedicate so much time, but if your like me, I want the whole pie.

Wanting the whole pie to me is a need not really a want, that is why I have been so against poly. If you find a Slave who completes everything, I see no need for another. Other Slaves are brought in because one cannot fill certain needs the Master has. I have asked other Master what the need is and the answer is always because I want different flavors. So you take one Slave and you mold all the flavors into one. Kinda like going to Baskin Robins Ice cream, and getting a little of each in one container.

That is the same with Behavior Modification you are taking a Slave and molding her to fit your needs. How many Slaves can one Master really take care of. The fact is most who are a Salve or Submissive are very needy, I did not say all but for the most that is true. Most are very emotional. To add another would be taking needed time away from the first Slave, which you always say they are number one.

Some Slaves prefer the poly lifestyle , if the Master is a Sadist and you are not a Masochist, you would gladly open the door for another to come in and take your place, better the other slave than you, I guess.

The one thing a Submissive or Slave needs to understand, your Dominant or Master is not going to change, that will never happen. What will happen is you will change, and most likely you will change your whole life to fit ones needs.

BDSM is not about sex although today most think so BDSM equals fucking or sucking cock, or beating you until you cannot walk. That is a type of Behavior Modification, because that is how you the sub or slave understands how things are and you just go along with the flow of things.

I am more about control. I put rules in place, I put protocols in place, and it is very simple you follow or you don’t. When I was in my teens , 20’s and early 30’s I was all about sex , but there comes a time when you have to grow up, or want more things out of life, or like some you never grow up, things never go your way and it is always someones fault and never yours.

I love sex, I really do it is almost like a fetish to me, but I do not let my cock run my life. If I want my cock sucked I will tell Arianna, if I want to fuck the same. I would think a grown man would want more out of life than just a piece of ass.

A couple of Months ago at a MasT meeting in Orlando the topic came up about what if a Slave decides to move on. As I stated If it has been long term I would think it would be difficult just because of all of the above and that is based on the Behavior Modification process both the Master and Slave has gone through.

If you jump from Master to Master even just while searching for the right one, you as a Slave never get to experience the whole process, the true feeling of TPE Total Power Exchange.

I believe with a Dominant and Submissive it does not go as deep as an M’s relationship, because the training process is totally different. I do not think the Dominant invest as much time as  master Does in an M’s relationship. I could be wrong but this is my train of thought.

When Arianna states she is a no rights Slave that is what she is. I will admit the training was much easier than I had anticipated, and everything just fell into place. She made the needed adjustments and was able to make a somewhat smooth transition.

I may at times act up and get a little goofy, but I can say there is no one who could fill her shoes. There is no one like Arianna who could stand toe to toe with her, and be the Slave I need, and more so be the Slave she needs to be.

 

Behavior Modification Good Or Bad ?

The above is just my opinion, it is the way I see things. You may think different as a Dominant or Master but in the end we want the same for ours.

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Vile

Why Dominants And Slaves Are Single

Posted in abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Collars, Daddy, Daddy Dom, Dating, Dominants, Fake Dominants, fucking, In Search Of A Master, Master, micromanage, Micromanagement, needy, Rules, slave, Spanking, sub-space, submissive on December 8, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have been trying to mentor a local Dom for sometime now. Him and his baby girl split on bad terms but are still living together due to financial reason neither can afford to live on their own, which makes Bad Medicine if you follow me.

It goes both ways as far as being single not so much a submissive or Slave but more so men who claim to be Dominant and active in the local community it does not take long to get a bad name.

The problem is these men do not have a fucking clue. A Slave in the lifestyle is not someone who picks cotton, or builds pyramids, but this is the way they see it. You are no more than an object that is able to spread.

Master M is really a good guy, but he has no concept about what the lifestyle is about. His profile reads I have been a Daddy for 10 years but probably 10 months at best.

I met him at a local munch with his baby girl about 8 months ago, and shortly after I invited them over for dinner, after they left I told Arianna they would not be together another 3 months well I was wrong it was only a month.

So I tried to talk to both and it was like talking to a wall, she was fed up and he did not want to put any effort into the relationship. He would spend all his time while at home on the computer looking for another female to move in.

People have disagreed with me before about this statement but here goes. If a man tells you he is Dominant and he has been in the lifestyle for ten years , are you just going to take his word or do you dig deeper?

Since Arianna had been burned twice maybe more than twice I wanted to make her feel safe. I introduced her to my friends who were also in the lifestyle, these were people who had known me for ten years or longer.

It does not take you long to figure out you have stepped in a mess, but sometimes it takes you longer to figure out the Dom is controlling and not in control. All they want to do is fuck and punish. You never go out besides the first couple of dates , you never meet any of his friends, you are stuck at home waiting on his call or visit.

If a Dominant is single and has been for sometime there is a reason. Knowing what questions to ask is very important when your meeting someone for the first time. One being what is sud-space ? If he has to stop and think, yea then you know. Ask why he wants a submissive or slave ? If it is because he likes giving orders, of punishing, or just being in charge, you know you just on a one time date. I promise you they will give some goofy answer.

While at a local munch a couple of months ago we were eating and i was talking to Daddy M and I made the statement if a slave or submissive has been single for a long time it was because she is nutty, as I looked up there were about 16 eyes just looking at me.

Well that is not always the case, many are just selective , and that is a good thing, many take there time in their search as you should. Many are able to wait it out until the right one comes along. While those who are new are just running full steam ahead, and not even looking back.

Another reason is a slave could be to needy to most, a Dom not wanting to invest that much time. When I was explaining to Master R about my relationship being micromanaged, he said fuck that, it is way to much work. Being needy is not a bad thing, many Doms prefer a needy slave. I know I do , I am an attention hound.

Finding the right one is very important, again spreading your legs does not make you submissive, sucking cock does not make you submissive. Your actions, how you carry yourself, your personality , your wanting to serve, the list goes on and on.

The best thing you can do, is make a list and keep it with you. A list of how you see yourself in a relationship. A list of your needs, a list of what you expect from a Dom. A list of what you do not expect, such as anger, yelling, changing rules midway , maybe not being shared. I know many who pass their slave around like a bucket of pop corn. Show the Dom your list, he will either say yes or no. Do not be afraid to speak up. This is your life, this is your body, this is your mind. Ahh the number two top things, NO DRAMA and no problems with EX’S.

More important if a Dom wants to collar you on the first date, just look and shake your head, watch him blow up. when you say no.

You get the picture.

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Vile

Your Submissive Or Slave Is Not Compliant

Posted in 128 Basic rules, 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, Advice, anal sex, and Respect, Argue, Arianna, ass fucking, bdsm, Breaking a Slave, Change, codependent, Collar, Collared Slave, communication, Conform, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, Dominance, Dominants, Drama, emotional, Emotions, Fake Slaves, Fake submissive, fucking, Honesty, Humiliation, Kink, kinky, Master, needy, problems, punish, Punishment, Respect, Rules, slave, Submission, submissive, Submissive Brat, sucking cock, sucking dick, Train your slave, training your slave, Your Submissive Or Slave Is Not Compliant on December 6, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

This happens all the time, I also here this all the time. The last was maybe I am not the Master for her or she needs more and I cannot give more.

Every Submissive is different , every Slave is different. Their minds, their thoughts , their needs, their actions. Each has a different level of needs. Some are real emotional , some are very needy, some become fully dependent on their Master, while others function very well outside of the home. Some need 24 hour care while some do not. Some need stricter rules, guidelines, protocols, while others do not.

Some act bratty , while most are very docile. Most are very quite and some are very out spoken.  Most are very Compliant , while some need a little more work.

Men who do not have a clue think owning a slave is about her sucking cock or just spreading her legs. Tying the slave up and just beating her ass until she cannot walk, and to a new submissive or slave these actions are exceptable. no questions asked until they start talking to other slave.

The key is getting to know the slave, knowing them as a person not just in the lifestyle. Knowing about their interest, hobby’s, the movies they enjoy, music. The foods they like. The Dominant should know the slave inside out.

Once this is achieved then you move on to different levels speaking about the lifestyle, a week or maybe more may of gone by before you should get into the kinks.

Let me tell you something, if you meet someone on line and after 20 minutes or so it turns to sex, he wants one thing and one thing only. That is your mouth or what is between your legs, and nothing more. The New Dom may hang on to you for eh 3 months 6 months but he will grow tired of you pretty fast. You will find out you will spend 90% of your time on your knees sucking dick, another 5% texting, and the other 5% being ignored

When another Dominant complains about how his slave is not compliant I just shake my head. If this is the case his game plan was way off from the start.

What rules you gave your last slave may not be the rules your new slave needs, or guideline as well as protocols. That is why it is very important to get to know your slave as a person , you have to become best friends. Because you are about to enter uncharted waters.

We as Dominants are looked up to, we are suppose to be leaders, we guide we share tons of information, but most we have to earn and gain the trust of the slave. We as Dominants should be able to adapt to most situations. Sometimes we may have to bend a little if we think a slave may be compatible in most areas that interest us.

The Slave will adapt to their new home, and most will adapt freely without question. We need to only provide a few things. Honesty , be truthful, teach and train , communication, and security. The slave will adapt.

Rules are put into place for improvement, rules are for the betterment of the slave. If more than half of your rules as a slave are about sex, what is it you are getting out of it ? How is you must worship my cock for the betterment of you ?

It is not that the slave is not compliant, the Dominant did not go into the relations with the right game plan, by the time you start to argue, yell call each other names it is way to late. You the Dominant has lost the game, pick up your duffel bag and move on.

You also hear it is the slaves fault , that bitch would not listen, I had no control over her. Ha that one word CONTROL I had no control over her. Now whose fault is that, certainly not the slaves, who was in charge? Who was the leader the Slave?

Another factor is if a slave enters a new relationship but she is afraid to end it, she will do things just to upset the dom, not follow rules back talk, act up, until the Dom has taken all he can. Still the slave is not to blame. I do suppose some could be just total bitches and give you a run for your money, push your buttons to see how far they can go. It is still up to the Dominant to remain in control, and stay in control.

If you have a bad temper, you scream, yell degrade when angry , how does that look to your slave. After all when you first met you painted a picture of total bliss, an island of peace, a paradise.

Some Slaves want to be broking , taken down to the lowest level of life and brought back up. I can tell you 10 years ago I may have been up to such a task but today nah not a chance. Before I met Arianna I was posed that question. I want you to break me. That is a great deal of responsibility  and I was not up to the task nor did I want to.

So when I hear the words I cannot control my slave or she is not compliant, I start asking questions, I get the same old answers, she is not real, she is just into head games , she is a joke to the lifestyle. Well it is not the slaves fault.

You the Dominants needs to be in control from the minute you speak your first words. You the Dominant sets the pace, you set the rules.

You cannot meet a slave on the first date and give her the almighty 128 rules and a collar. I see some old Doms using the 128 rules that some kid wrote 25 years ago, You must worship my cock, PLEASE.

Let me tell you something Arianna has 25 rules, she adds little things to her list frequently not rules but task. Every night when she ask permission to enter the bed she reads her rules then we talk, we talk about anything and everything. Last night was different we were laying in bed and I asked her what was on her mind. She said I thought we would go over the rules together, I looked kinda of confused and she handed me her phone, that is where her rules are. I said the first word of a rule and she was able to speak the whole rule without reading, and I just went down the line.

I have never told her she had to remember each one but to look at as a reference to read daily. That is how much she truly cares 25 rules recited almost word for word. Some of the rules are a paragraph long. In the rules I gave I explained everyone, I went into great detail about each rule, and she could recite each and everyone. I was in total shock, but I was proud.

If your Slave or Submissive is not compliant, look at your game.

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Vile

I Am Me

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Advice, Argue, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, BDSM Safety, blog, Bondage, Collar, communication, Consensual, control, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, events, Giving Head, Humiliation, Impact play, Kink, kinky, Lie, Lies, Love, Loyal, Master, Masters, munchs, needy, oral sex, sadist, Safe, Safe and Sane, sex, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock on December 6, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

In he past I have posted a little about who I am but I never have gone into any great detail. I have been into the lifestyle for longer than I can remember this dates back into my teens, before I even knew what BDSM was all about. Even in my teens I had the need to be in control.

I grew up in a very small town in Northern Georgia my 8th grade class had 23 people in our graduation. Going into high school it was somewhat bigger but total 9th 10th 11th and 12th only had about a thousand kids so compared to today’s school it was small. I played baseball in elementary and high school. I was a relief pitcher. I was only good for 2 or 3 innings though due to my side arm throw. At the age of 16 I was throwing 86 MPH so after a few innings my elbow would swell.

I was popular with most of the guys, but I cannot say the same about the girls , due to my sexual behavior. At that age I enjoyed bondage, face fucking, anal I was game for pretty much anything. It was a control things.

I caught onto life pretty fast I grew up in an abusive home, and both parents were addicted to pain medications, and of course alcohol. The one thing I learned on a daily basis is I was not going to be like them. To this day I could never figure out why they argued. My real mother has since past but my father is still living and we have somewhat of a good relationship. I have one brother who just turned 46 I am 51 by the way. Him and I talk often but have only seen each other maybe 3 or 4 times in the past 15 years.

I have never really been into drugs although as a teen I tried to smoke all the pot in the world but they just grew more so I lost that battle, I have never done any hard drugs such as cocaine , I am not big on pills , but I do have a drink from time to time. Every now and then I will get sideways but that is far and few.

I learned about the lifestyle shortly after I joined the Army and was stationed in Korea, and even then I just happen to stumble into it. I was introduced to an old man named Kim who lived with 5 slaves.

There is a huge difference in the lifestyle than in the US. In Korea a Slave would have nothing to do with a Dominant or Master unless she knew who trained you. Since the lifestyle in Asia is so underground it is probably still the same.

Once back in the states I was still young and dumb, but I had a couple of things on my side. I no longer had a temper, I was very calm, and I knew how to get into someones head. All of the sex, face fucking, ass fucking meant nothing but now I had a weapon that was very effective.

So for many years I spent most of my time just using, I would get what I wanted and just toss to the side and look for the next. This went on for a number of years. To me a long term relationship was a three day weekend, much more past that I was just bored.

One thing I did learn and it can be good and bad, I learned from an early age to speak my mind, If I thought it I said it. Another thing I learned was to observe people, I am a people watcher. What I learned from watching people is how I did not want to live.

So I have had several long term relationships, but have only been in what I would call love maybe 3 times in my 51 years. That is not a very good track record. In between up until a couple of years ago there were a couple of times I settled for less that what I needed and wanted, knowing it was not going to work, but I am human.

How you see me on here is me, once I log on and I start a new post I do not change. I am the same at home, in public, at work or at a local munch, I am me. I never try to be someone I am not.

I remember several years ago and this is what hit me, I was at a Chinese buffet with a friend and another friend showed up with a date, and when he said hey Vile whats up I asked them to sit down and join us and his date was just starring at me, and finely asked if I use to live in these apartments and I said yes. She actually started trembling and told her date she wanted to leave. She was truly scared of me. On my way home Animel and I were laughing at her, but once home I mixed a jack and coke and I was standing outside on the river bank and I started thinking. Wow if she was scared of me just how many more feel the same way. Then it hit me being feared is nothing to be proud of, that is not how I wanted to be known as.

So I put a plan together, I was going on a Vile clean up campaign. I was going to be my own public relations manger. I was going to clean the story of Vile up.

I became more active in the community. I started doing a lot of speaking, dating more, changing up my way of playing, putting my sadistic nature to the side, and before I knew it I was back in the game, I was back in the hunt. I was no longer feared I was very respected in the community, today even more so.  So a year later standing outside looking over the river drinking a jack and coke, I thought to myself well done Vile you did the impossible.

I was still missing something though and I could not put my finger on it, then I was at Bush Gardens one day and I saw all of these family’s walking by with kids and I said that is it man you need a wife and a kid. So off I went 3 months later I was married and a short time after she was pregnant. We lost our first son to a heart transplant he was 18 days old. By this time I had enough of the vanilla life and I had to get back to being me, and wow she was pregnant again. So I stuck it out for another 3.5 years then I had to come clean about who and what I was.

Now I was married for nine years to the most vanilla woman in the world, the sex was horrible, she could not suck a dick to save her life, and no ass fucking. I said you are killing me here. So after I came clean she agreed to let me move a Slave in, yea baby , but she was only an in service slave, NO SEX. My ex-wife was a horrible house keeper, she could not cook, and clutter everywhere. So I moved this bitch in and she went to work. A week later spotless house, meals cooked every night, my lunch packed kids off to school, picked up this was the life. So my ex gets jealous and says you both have to go. Let me think okay I am out of here. I told the salve hey its been nice love ya go back home.

I have a very good relationship with my Ex wife, there is no drama, Arianna and her get along good, my son likes Arianna. So now life is good.

So when I log onto wordpress I am me, this is who I am. If I were to try and be something different what would people who read here think of me. I tell the truth , I live by the truth.

Many have asked for advice and when I tell them what they do not want to hear, most get mad. If I told everyone what they wanted to hear where would that get you ?

I do not want you to agree with everything I post, or the way I believe, the way I think. My post are to make you think, my post are meant to be objective.

Much of my blog is about safety okay so Ive had a change of heart over the past several years. I speak on safety because you as a submissive or slave can get fucked up, you can get hurt and hurt bad. Most do not think before entering a relationship. More so the new who are entering the lifestyle. You do not listen until it is to late. You want what you want and you want it now. It does not work that way

So the next morning when you wake up and your bruised from head to toe, or something is broken, you can think back, yea Vile told me, and I did not listen. Bondage is no game and if you get some dude that does not have a clue to what he is doing, you just may not wake up the next morning.

Most new Doms are into hard impact play, again if he does not know what he is doing he could break sometime, or even worse while spanking and he hits to high and to hard, you could lose a kidney. BDSM is not a game you can get fucked up. Bondage there are many no’s. You can damage tendons if tied to tight. Remember that when you meet a Dom for the first time and he brings his little travel bag and he is totally clueless about what he is going to do. Yea take his word when he says oh I have been in the lifestyle for 20 years. Are you really going to take his word ?

The first thing I did when Arianna and I agreed to enter a relationship was to introduce her to people I knew in the lifestyle people I had known for years. There is nothing like the feeling of being safe.

Keeping your girls safe is what the majority of my blog is about, it is up to you if you listen or not. Again why do you think that over 95% of the 236 followers are women and there are so few men ?

I am not here to put other Doms or Masters down. I am not here to say I am better than your Master, because I am not we all have our own way of living.

Being a Submissive or Slave is not about being on your hands and knees scrubbing the floor, doing laundry , cooking or cleaning house. Being a Slave is not about being passed around like a dog, unless that is your kink, if so then go with the flow. Being a Slave does not mean your stupid, or you cannot think on your own. You are human, but a Human with different needs.

Slaves are needy for the most as with those who are submissive. You should not have to change who you are. I like needy myself, I like my Bitch to hang all over me. If your Master excepted you the way you were then he should not try and change you.

I share things because I want you to see what kind of relationship you can have, a relationship filled with love and respect. A relationship where you are cared for. A relationship filled with communication, then you add all of the kink.

You do not have to put up with drama, you do not have to put up with lies , you do not have to put up with abuse, arguing the list goes on and on. Before a Slave or Submissive you are human, you have feelings, you have needs and they should be met. If they are not speak your mind and if things do not change, fucking leave.

Why would a Master argue with his Slave ? Who is in charge at this point ? Why would you allow a Master to Slap you around ? degrade you, humiliate you in anger, call you names out of anger. Why would you allow such things ?

You as a slave or submissive has the right to be happy treated with respect, you do not needs someones drama brought into your life nor should you bring your drama with you.

I put a lot of work into my relationship 25 hours a day 8 days a week 366 days a year. I take care of mine and only mine. I am there through good and bad. I am there when Arianna gets emotional . My time is dedicated to her and only her. I am not looking to add to my house. Because I get anything I want when I want.  She would never think of saying NO. Be it sucking my cock, fucking , anal anything. Why ? Because I go above and beyond to insure she is taking care of. She knows that not matter what she comes first. That is the way it should be.

Be who and what you are, and make sure your Master does the same.

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Vile