I re-Blogged this from http://daddysnaughtylittlegirl.wordpress.com/2012/09/23/in-search-for-a-dominant-fake-fraud/
These guys are really scary. They genuinely want to hurt you. There is nothing romantic or loving about them. They enjoy watching others suffer, both physically and emotionally, and have contempt for those around them. They relish the humiliation of their victims and are naturally duplicitous. Because most find sexual satisfaction in their sadism, they can disguise themselves as Dominants.
I see this as putting all Sadist in the same category, even profiling if you will. I disagree with this statement 100%.
We are all different when it comes to the lifestyle, that is why it is very important for us to find someone we are compatible with .
First of all, You can be a sadist and not be a Dominant, you can be a Dominant and not be a sadist, or you can be both. To say all Sadist are ruthless, uncaring, and they just want to hurt and humiliate you, is really a false statement.
While I do know some Sadist who are very extreme, the play is done with a masochist. It is not to say that a sadist would not meet a submissive and could cause harm, but for the most this is very untrue.
With me if you are a submissive, and not a masochist we can still play, sex probably not, I have to have a connection. If I am just in a session, I like to please. I enjoy seeing one get that high, slowly slip into sub-space. More so I enjoy the after care. After care is very important, this prevents sub-drop. After care should not just be a tool used after playing, it should be part of the everyday relationship.
If you are my slave, you are the center of my world I have stated this before. The slave always comes first, no matter what. The slave has an open line of communication.
A Masochist has needs just as a Sadist has needs. I believe in this type of relationship the Bond is so much greater, because both give so much, both can feel what the other is feeling. The trust is so much greater.
This is not to say that a bad sadist is not lurking, but the same is with a fake dominant.
I agree with TheDomNextDoor On the first meeting a slave should have a safe call, a friend she can trust. When she leaves her place and when she arrives at the dominants house, and should be allowed to make a call during the visit. He should also not mind if she takes a pic of his tag, and send it to her safe call.
You never I mean never let a dominant book a room for the first meeting. Yea Ive heard it before, we have chatted, we talked on the phone, we have so much in common, he is what Ive been looking for.
Let me tell you something, if you allow a man to book a room, more so who you have never met. Take you inside tie you down, you know what, you are fair game at this point, bound, gagged, and blindfolded. You have no idea what is going to happen. A safe call may not make a difference. If you allow this to have you are just fucking stupid.
A Dominant should be able to provide references on the spot as a matter of fact I am going to add a couple one from a dominant and one from a slave. He should not have to stop and think about this question.
I like to take a new slave to a munch, and introduce her to friends of mine. While letting her get to know others who are submissive.
Some say well I don’t like to go, I do not like the interaction , or I cannot go because of my work. These are like minded people, Blue Collar workers, white Collar workers, Doctors, Lawyers, shrinks, we come from all forms of life.
The toy thing that was brought up. I make a lot of my toys, from floggers to spreader bars. I am not going to pay 100 dollars for a pair of spreader bars when I can make the same thing for 20 dollars, ball gags, Nipple pumps, clit pumps 5.99 at wal mart. While I do have some toys I have purchased such as The Violet wand in the sum of 1200 dollars and a couple of tens units.
Sometime ago I blogged about a slave named Kim who just basically showed up at my door at 3am. I am flattered by the way that she felt the way she did. After a couple of sessions, she approached my friends wanting to know how to make me change, they just looked at her dumb founded.
Okay so I do have a heart well kinda sorta, I just did not want to say hey you got to go. We had nothing really, more so no sex, I just did not have that connection.
So here came the mind fuck I blogged about, it really dome more damage than I thought it would, that I feel kinda bad about, but in the process she tried to ruin my name. Telling others I had no control, I lost it with her I abused her. Fucking what ever..
So here we go…
New Smyrna Beach, Florida
written 14 days ago:
Hey first thing, I just wanted to bring something up, it caught my attention the other day while we were talking. It was about the pain thing.
Looking through your pics, I have to say while I admire, I am not really into leaving marks, I have in the past, my first was a Masochist some 20 yrs ago, she taught me much of what I know today, a real pain slut I suppose, more into humiliation. We saw each other for about 6 or 7 yrs.
Although everything was new to me, in the beginning the humiliation was fun, but it got to be more of a job, because each time we saw each other, I had to out do the last.
Kim gave me a pretty bad rep Craig, although I do enjoy some impact play at times, I never left a bruise on her. Breast play was out because , she said they hurt to bad to even tie up.
Although I do enjoy rough sex and bondage, along with a little humiliation, I have never hurt anyone, nor would I even think of hurting another.
I have a blog it has been up for about 4 months now, with 16K in visitors and about 70 people following. Most of my blog is about safety and Submissive’s ,it does get out there sometimes but safety is first.
I was seeing a submissive for a 9 months she was married a Jehovah Witness yup thats correct.
There is a Dom who lives in Edgewater SirXcalbar on my friends list. Lyn and I went to his house one night and I allowed him to use an evil stick on her, I used it a couple of times, but it really marked up her breast. I like Calbar much respect for him,
I guess what I am trying to say man is I am not the cruel sadist that some have portrayed me to be.
Am I strict ? yes. High Protocol ? yes. Am I abusive? No.
I have met this Chinese American she goes to UCF 21, well the guilt has set in, we have dated a couple of times, she has wanted to play, but I cannot bring myself to it.
Leland, I think the Kim thing fucked you over. I never thought you were dangerous and I know you get off on the mind fuck. Anybody that has a question about you, I would be happy to vouch for you and never hesitate. As for this new girl, I think if you are interested then go for it and don’t hesitate because of an untrue past. You are a man in control of yourself so just follow your own rules. If she says stop then you stop but I don’t have to tell you, you know more than I do. Be yourself and go for it…you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
From a submissive really read this one..
Check this out
A submissive called me who lives on the west coast, we have known each other for more than 5 years.. She was contacted by a dom named thebull2k2.
He wanted to meet her, told her that if he likes her she would take his seed right there she had no say in what he wanted to do.. He wanted to make her pregnant a breeder.
Really has the lifestyle come to this..
This is the submissive I have spoken about who I mentor.
First, I want to thank you Leland, for having my best interest at heart. I respect you, and your opinions a great deal. I have wrestled with posting, as this is similar to public speaking for me, but I want to clarify.
First, I did not meet this person.
Second, this Dom may be perfectly respectable, as I thought so through many of our conversations, and this could very well be a misunderstanding. The breeding part is clearly stated on his profile, and was discussed through conversation at length, where it was also made clear that I would not bring a child into this world outside of a committed, loving relationship. That was not, and still is not, what the issue was that I wanted to bounce off Leland.
Third, I believe this post was intended as a reminder for everyone to pay attention. The original meeting that was agreed to was just a ‘get to know you’ meeting. The other terms were not mentioned until a point in the conversation where I really shouldn’t have been paying much mind to what was being said. After it cooled off a bit, I then attempted to question the part that was tossed in about being taken with no time being spent building trust. It was at that point I was told it is the Dom’s choice of when and where he took a sub, that they had no choice in the matter. THIS is what my issue was, and the reason for mentioning the whole thing to Leland, for his words of wisdom. Obviously, there are as many opinions on this as there are people in the lifestyle, however, mine were made perfectly clear in this, as well as previous conversations.
I believe the point of this post was intended to remind us we do have choices. I speak to Leland about many things, including many of the absurdities, I, as a single woman here, receive on a daily basis. Most of them are laughable. Many so called “Doms” tend to use the lifestyle and the title as their right to a bootie call, and nothing more. If that is what you are here for, to each their own. However, many subs who have not yet learned to weed through these and spot the red flags get taken advantage of. Sometimes, even those of us who do know become lax, and let our guard down. I understand his frustration with this. I do think this thread could have been done a bit differently, however, I understand the point was also to remind and protect myself, and others like me, against some of the dangers of not paying attention and rushing into meetings too quickly.
A GREAT follow up would be the nearly day long lecture I had the privilege of receiving from you (Leland) on safety measures! (Typed.. here… I think I am good for a while on hearing it!)
Again, I am honored to be able to call you friend, and to have you as a sounding board, regardless of the lectures it brings me!
SirXcalbar is a very dear and close friend of mine.
Well, there are those who are fakers and use the lifestyle to attract those innocents. However, if she agreed, then that is her fetish and is probably what she seeks. However, I wold not want such an individual as she puts everyone at risk and all safety goes out the door. She does have choices and she does not appear to be very responsible and mature. She needs guidance from those who care and are true practioners and not just bootie calls. @just_jess appears to have received your message and guidance and she will continue to need it to grow safely.
I agree with the guidance SirXcalbar, as with many submissives and slaves. Many are to eager to meet, many to eager to please, just hoping someone will except them if that makes since..
So yes every Dominant should be able to prove who he is, without hesitation.
A slave is very special, very strong, and should be cared for.