Archive for the passive Category

Why Do Some Master’s Share Their Slave’s II

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, bdsm, BDSM Safety, Cheat, Cheaters, cheating, Cheating Dominant, Coming Soon Vile Radio, commitment, communication, control, controlling, couple swapping, Deception, Dominance Through Intimidation, Dominant, Gang Bang, Humiliation, Master And Slave, passive, slave, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used, The Kinky World Of Vile Radio, Vile Woods on FaceBook on May 6, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I spoke about this yesterday but I really did not give any reasons or go into any details  Those who abuse come in many shapes and forms. In the beginning a Dominant can seem like he is the nicest man you have ever met, he shows he cares, loves to talk and listen, treats you like your number one and nothing matter except you.

Then something changes he becomes distant, somewhat cold, non-caring. Most view those who are submissive as being weak, needy , unable to perform on a daily basis without instruction, for this most I find this to be untrue , then sometimes it is true.

Some women and this does not include those who are submissive, do enjoy being shared, they enjoy the different flavors in life and sex, they enjoy what I call being used by other men, and many times their better half will be agreeable. Then their are times the male wants the different flavors, and his better half is really not interested but goes along with what ever, just to keep her man happy.

When speaking about the Dom who shares most of the time this side of him is ego driven and nothing more. Just as the Dominant I spoke about I met from Ocala. When speaking to him on the phone he sounded very angry, hateful really none caring. In the end in order for her to be able to come back she excepted his offer. In the end she gave in and allowed herself to be used in any manner he saw fit.

The ego , then comes the power, the Dominant has a very strong grip on the submissive, and they will do what ever it takes to please. Even if it means being past around.

If your told to do something, and your gut feeling is telling you something different, then you are probably right. Then you have the right to question.

I have said many times we as humans are visual, just Google BDSM then click images and see what comes up, those images tell a very dark story, of pain and humiliation.

It is very easy to mislead someone who is new to the lifestyle, mainly because they do not know any better. The submissive only knows what they are being told.

I just had a dear friend who was in a new relationship, she had moved in with her Dominant. In the beginning everything was fine, everything was going well, then he changed. He was no longer having sex with her, and was just barking orders and reminding her daily he was the dominant and she was the submissive.  In the end she found out he was fucking everybody except her, including men. When she finely got the guts to leave, then came the blame game she left because she was broken. Even after she ask me for advice and I told her what was going on she did not believe me. Then his little game fell apart. In the end she was very strong, heart broken but strong. She will find the Dominant who really cares for her, I am sure of that she has to much to offer.

There are many reasons and signs but most are either ignored, or your thinking well this is the way its suppose to be. It can be monetary, your filling a void until something better comes along. Your Dominant is not spending time with you, if there is no sex that is the biggest sign. If you are flipping most of the bills.  The bottom line is you are being used. Once you begin to ask questions, then you are assured everything is fine.

You are being used just as what I spoke about above just not in the physical way, and in the end the outcome can be the same.

You the submissive has to decide what you want out of life, what you want out of your relationship, what you need out of your relationship. You have to decide what you need to make you feel whole and complete.

You have to decide what is best for you. Until you choose to submit the ball is in your court, you have rules that have to be followed as well, you have rights. Make sure you have a picture before entering a relationship. You have to ask questions and you have to get answers. If you are new this is a very tricky situation, then you just have to take his word for it.

Do not forget coming soon Vile Radio.

Vile

 

What Can You Do For Me

Posted in 24/7, abuse, bdsm, being used, Cheating Dominant, Collars, communication, consequences, control, controlling, Conversation, Disrespect, Dominants, Fake Dominants, Married Dominant, Master, passive, slave, submissive, sucking cock, Trust, What Can You Do For Me on December 31, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

You are in the process of taking the biggest step in your life. You are going to submit, you are going to give your body and mind. You are going to allow someone to tie you up and just use you. You are about to embark on a new travel, you are going to see what the other side of the world looks like in the world of BDSM.

Lets put several things aside for now, sex, sucking cock, bondage, all the kink and lets concentrate on six words and only six words. These words are very important.

What Can You Do For Me. These are words you should not be afraid to ask, those six words are probably the most important words you could ask.

As you ask you will see the jaw drop open, and a moment of complete silence, a look of disrespect because you have just called a Dom out.

If you met online most of the topic has been whether he wants you or not, are you worthy of being his submissive or slave, are you real, are you serious?

Most of you are to shy or scared to ask such a question, but this is clearly your right. After all chances are on the first meeting your going to let him take you to a motel room tie you up and just use you. You may like it or you may not but you will take what ever is giving.

I have got a lot of negative feed back about the waiting period, so I am going to skip that. Having a session on the first meeting is up to you. It is all based on choices and consequences nothing more.

What Can You Do For Me?I am not speaking financially, although it is good if he has some type of income coming in. What Can You Do For Me? I am speaking in terms of stability, comfort , structure , communication , the feeling of being safe, being number one, treated with full respect, respecting your limits. Being not afraid to speak your mind when things are going south.

What is your time limit when it comes to giving you a collar? What do I have to do to earn a collar? How many have you collared ? What happened to those relationships? Can I contact any of them?

Are you bringing any Drama to the table? Are you married ? Are there any problems with your Ex? Is there a reason why I would not be able to go out with you and your friends? Who do you know in the lifestyle? Can I meet them?

What makes you a Dominant ? Why do you want an M’s lifestyle? What would our everyday life consist of? What are your limits?  Do you have anger issues? if so why ? What do you consider abuse ?

The most important thing is to say what is on your mind instead of just thinking it, you have to get everything out in the open. Say what is on your mind right then. Because if you just sit there and agree with everything, then you have to face the consequences alone.

I come down hard on Married Dominants or those who think they are Dominant. Their wife wont suck cock or take it up the ass, so you are now the one who will fill his void. While you go home alone he will go home as if nothing happened, and crawl in bed with the wife he says he does not love. While you are at home alone he is banging his wife. You will spend your birthdays alone, you will not go on vacations. You will wait for days for that call, or text. If you do get a call it is for phone sex or he wants you to send pics or a video. Again consequences.

The married cheating Dominant cannot control or run his own home, you are filling that void, now he has someone he an use once or twice a month, and again he will crawl in bed with his wife and kiss her good night. You once again will go home alone and WAIT. That is what your suppose to do is just WAIT.

If your into married men and you do not mind the above then have at it.

If your not happy in a marriage get the fuck out, leave, kids or no kids. Take your loss, be who you are and who you want to be.

Okay enough on Married men who cannot control their home.

WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME, those are the words you should be thing and asking.

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My Take On Domestic Discipline

Posted in abuse, Acceptance, anger, Arianna, bdsm, blog, Breaking Protocol, Breaking Rules, communication, Consensual, control, controlling, Conversation, Discipline, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Discipline, Domestic discipline. It is Okay to abuse your wife, Dominants, excommunicated, Honesty, Master, My House, passive, Protocol, punish, Punishment, relationships, Religion, Respect, Rules, Shun, slave, Spanking, Submission, submissive on October 23, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I believe from what I have read and the research I have done , Domestic Discipline is a christian based relationship. Both male and female grow up in a DD type household. I grew up in one my parents being Southern Baptist. My brother and I lived in a very strict home, but that is not where the trouble laid.

Although my father was a deacon in our church and a very respected member in our community there were very big dark secrets. Both parents drank very heavy , both were abusive to each other, even to the point of contact.

I would like to say I learned from their mistakes, I learned about a DD house at a very young age. I learned very early on that I was Dominant although in my teens I did not fully understand.  I knew I had to be in control, and  I knew my partner then had to be very passive, easy going, lady like, calm.

Now in my early years I did have a very bad temper, but never to the point of hitting a woman out of anger. At that time I knew nothing of BDSM but I would punish my partner. I would simply walk her to a corner or send her to the bedroom. There was never any contact.

It took me years to control my anger, my thoughts, and the difference between being in control and being controlling. I learned you were much better off talking than screaming.

I learned about BDSM while I was stationed in Korea, but there it was not called BDSM it was just Master and Slave.  I was introduced to an older gentleman named Kim. It was just by luck I fell into meeting him. I can say I did learn most of what I know from Kim. Learning the difference between being in control and not being controlling, learning to listen to someone and really taking it in. Learning you could Discipline from words and not by contact. Beating your slave or submissive is not always the answer.

So from a very young age I learned the way my parents lived and other I had interaction with was not the correct way of living. I wanted to treat my lady better. Even out in public you can see abuse even if it is just verbal, those memories never go away. Words do leave scars. Bruises go away words do not.

Now I am not saying every D’s relationship is perfect, nor am I saying every M’s relationship is perfect, because there are some fucked up Dominants, there are some fucked up men who give themselves titles.  There are Dominants who use the lifestyle as an open door to abuse. The same in just a plain Vanilla relationship abuse is very active today. It just so happens some of my readers in the past have posted about Domestic Discipline and the abuse that happens.

Not every time but most of the time if a male grows up in an abusive house he to will abuse. I have seen this, and I am sure many of you have.

In my church as a kid the woman was to be seen and not heard. Last year I met a Jehovah Witness who had been living in a DD run house and was abused very bad verbally , and even to the point her husband had her excommunicated from the church and her children, mother and father. Instead of being a man and trying to solve his own problems he had to run to elders and tell what his wife had done. What kind of religion does this to a mother? Wow now is this the way a DD house is ran ?

Here are a few scriptures from the bible this explains where many who are religious get their ideas about DD.

What is CDD?
A Domestic Discipline (DD) marriage is one in which one partner is given authority over the other, and has the means to back up that authority, usually by spanking. The application and practise of DD in each marriage is as unique as the individuals who make up that marriage. There is no “One Ring of Power” in the Domestic Discipline world, to which all DD couples must bow; no singular path to “true DD enlightenment”. What works well for one DD couple may not be a good fit for another marriage. Therefore, you may see many different suggestions espoused on this site and elsewhere.

A Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) marriage is simply a traditional, male-led, Christian marriage which utilises aspects of Domestic Discipline. It is set up according to Biblical standards.

Therefore, in a CDD marriage:

•The husband is the head of the household, whilst the wife is submissive to her husband as if the Lord Himself was her husband. See Eph. 5:22-24.
•The husband is to love his wife as himself, and as Christ loved the church. He is to be a servant, and leads by example. He is to lay down his life for her. See Eph. 5:25-29.
•The wife is to reverence her husband. She is to obey him, so long as his instructions are not in opposition to God’s commands. See Titus 2:5, Acts 5:29.
He has the ultimate authority in his household, but this authority is tempered with the knowledge that he will answer to God for his actions and decisions. The final decision rests with him, and therefore, the final responsibility, whatever the outcome, is his to bear. A wise husband will not make a major decision without prayerfully asking God for wisdom, and without seeking his wife’s counsel. Prov. 20:5

He is to be the head of the home. She is to be the heart of the home.

He is not a dictator. She is not a doormat.

He is not a overbearing Lord of the Estate, seeking to trample over his family. She is not some weak-minded lass, needing to be molly-coddled, or seeking to get straightened around.

He has the responsibility for leading his family and is accountable before God for their well-being and development. He has the authority to spank his wife for disciplinary reasons, but in real CDD marriages, this authority is taken quite seriously and usually happens rarely. Most CDD marriages do use spanking, generally for serious offences, such as the “Four D’s” (Disobedience, Disrespect, Dishonesty, or Dangerous [as in dangerous choices… reckless driving, disobeying doctor’s orders, etc]). Some CDD marriages also use non-corporal disciplines, such as writing lines, or the temporary forfeiture of a favourite privilege. Again, every marriage is unique, and CDD is much more than just corporal punishment or spanking.

CDD is not a “magic pill”, and this website does not claim CDD will prevent all marital rows. It is simply a tool, one method which many couples round the world feel is quite effective in strengthening their marriages, and improving the quality of their relationship.

CDD is the husband loving his wife enough to patiently guide and unselfishly cherish her.
CDD is the wife loving her husband enough to follow his leadership and trust his direction.
A Christian marriage should embody selfless love and true romance.
A Christian couple is to be a reflection of Jesus and His Bride.

I posted some time ago about Domestic Discipline and had a few readers respond, even a female submissive who grew up in a very abusive DD ran house. There are submissives who have posted about a DD ran house, so I am not the only one.

I myself have nothing against a DD ran home, as long as it does not consist of abuse, be it verbal or physical. As long as the man is in full control and not controlling. As far as that goes I am against any type of abuse in any home.

I have said this before and I will say it again. How can you expect your woman to cook, take care of the house, kids, pay bills, and lay on her back, and you abuse her ?

So after six months or so I had two people comment about my blog on Domestic Discipline  and just gave me hell up one side and down the other. Even saying I knew nothing of a DD ran home. Well the truth is I do, If you are going to comment at least leave me a way to contact you instead of blocking your blog. You are just wanting to have a one way conversation. You want to say your peace, but you have to have the last word, yea pretty fucked up. You want to start an argument  but not give anyone a chance to respond. Okay I am good with that.

Here are the post.

swl1 11h
The glaring flaw in this entire argument is the completely erroneous assumption that domestic discipline is something that is forced on an unwilling wife by an abusive husband.
In fact it would take only a minimal amount of easy research – I would suggest a few of the two or three hundred public domestic discipline blogs (mostly written by DD submissives) available on the internet as a starting point – to establish the fact that, not only is domestic discipline an entirely consensual private agreement between two adults, but that it is most commonly introduced into the relationship by the submissive partner. It should be noted that one of the operative words here is “adult”, meaning that DD neither extends to any children in the family nor, like the sexual activities of the parents, is the arrangement made known to them. In short, DD involves only the two consenting adults within the relationship and affects or hurts no-one else.
It is also not the case in any shape or form that the submissive partner in a DD cannot withdraw consent at any time if she finds that the dynamic does not work for her. I am sure it is the case that there are many relationships in which a women is forced and intimidated into remaining in a violent and abusive situation, but a consensual domestic discipline relationship is definitely not one of these.
It always surprises me greatly that so many people who would consider it a curtailment of their human rights and freedom of choice if they were told that they must restrict their private lives to the limits of someone else’s approval and desires, can at the same the time and in the absence of any research casually condemn the choices of others.

One other thing. I think that you will find that, in a DD relationship, any ‘hitting’ is confined entirely to spanking the bottom and that split lips, black eyes, etc, do not feature and would be considered abusive and out of place by anyone who practises genuine DD. You might also be surprised to learn that DD, even when used in punishment situation, more often than not has a strong undertone of eroticism (from the D/s interaction) which results in ‘reconnection’ by *mutual* sexual pleasure directly after the spanking.
Finally, while I have encountered a very few individuals who hold rigidly stereotypical views on what they think are typical D/s and M/s relationships, the great majority of people in the DD community, while not necessarily personally desirous of these kinds of relationships, have respect and acceptance for the dynamics and choices of those who do practise them.

Louise 36m
In the vast majority of DD relationships, it is the woman who actively desires this type of relationship, and often has some trouble persuading her husband or boyfriend to try it out. Those where the woman is persuaded into it by the man seem to form a very small minority from what I have read. You don’t really seem to know much about DD at all.
I am guessing both are males, I have yet to have a female post anything positive about a DD relationship. These are all male opinions , just as what I post is my own opinion. I am glad some disagree but please have the balls to let me rebuttal, please leave the door open to let me respond.

I can tell you how my house is ran, it is probably much like a DD ran home. I have rules that are followed, I have put structure into my home, as well as protocols.  I can also tell you that I have never raised my voice to my wife and Slave, I have never hit her nor have I ever talked down to her. My wife is very intelligent , beautiful , and is far from a doormat. I do allow her to speak and share her thoughts and ideas.  We also have a communication based relationship, okay so it sounds perfect, that is because it is.  My wife and Slave will also tell you I have never left a bruise on her.

DO NOT COME TO MY FUCKING BLOG AND COMMENT AND ME NOT HAVE AWAY TO AT LEAST RESPOND. I approved your comments and I replied If you are going to come to my HOUSE and run off at the mouth at least have a little respect.

Now I do understand there are some who are submissive who comment, and do not wish to be contacted, that I do understand. If you are a male commenting on a subject you have deep feelings about and you run off at the mouth, then fucking man up.

THIS IS MY HOUSE

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Vile

The Surrendered Wife

Posted in abuse, Arianna, bdsm, Manipulation, passive, submissive, The Surrendered Wife on August 19, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Wow Laura Doyle got a lot of mixed reviews about her book, some good but mostly bad, even from activist groups. These people have nothing better to do.

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The Surrendered Wives movement is inspired by a book, The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. Its supporters suggest that women should relinquish what Doyle deems to be inappropriate control of their husbands and focus on their own happiness in order to bring romance back to their relationship.

Philosophy

The author of the core book of this movement maintains that she does not advocate submissiveness or the surrendering of one’s self; she proposes the surrendering of control over others. Indeed, in Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand (subtitled When you learn that it is better to receive than to give– The Superwoman’s Practical Guide to Getting as Much as She Gives),[1] Doyle says women turn away praise, validation, and even help to appear to be in control.[2]

The author herself writes:

Like millions of women, Laura Doyle wanted her marriage to be better. But when she tried to get her husband to be more romantic, helpful, and ambitious, he withdrew– and she was lonely and exhausted from controlling everything. Desperate to be in love with her man again, she decided to stop telling him what to do and how to do it. When Doyle surrendered control, something magical happened. The union she had always dreamed of appeared. The man who had wooed her was back.
The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage. Laura Doyle’s model for matrimony shows women how they can both express their needs and have them met while also respecting their husband’s choices. When they do, they revitalize intimacy.[2]

The “Surrendered Wives” movement is centered around six basic principles:

  1. a wife relinquishes control of her husband’s life
  2. she respects his decisions for his life
  3. she practices good self-care (she does at least three things a day for her own enjoyment)
  4. she also practices receiving compliments and gifts graciously
  5. she practices expressing gratitude (thanking her husband for the things he does)
  6. a surrendered wife is not afraid to show her vulnerability and take the feminine approach

Continuing in an abusive, alcoholic, or adulterous relationship is not promoted or condoned.

Having female support is cited by Laura Doyle as a critical component for success for the woman who chooses to surrender. To this end there are a number of trained coaches around the globe who assist women to implement the principles into their lives and marriages. Face to Face group seminars, phone coaching, on-line chat circles and an on-line seminar are available.

Criticism

Her critics see Doyle as advocating that women should be submissive to their husbands. Former Australian Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission Sex Discrimination Commissioner Pru Goward compared the movement to slavery saying “There is no such thing as an adult who can entirely subvert themselves to another person. That’s called slavery and I think we abolished that several hundred years ago.”[3] She also claimed that “If a man wants that sort of relationship, he actually doesn’t want a relationship, he wants a doll. He wants a puppet, he wants total control and that’s not the definition of a relationship.”[3]

Doyle responds that many critics appear to have little knowledge of the principles described in the book and simply react to what they imagine the book says.

Sequel

The Surrendered Single is a book to help single women attract a good man according to the principles of Surrendering. Doyle advocates the surrender of inappropriate control of another. A surrendered single is a woman who chooses to apply the principles of surrendering to her life so as to serenely attract a good man rather than desperately seek a mate.

Doyle says that the basic principles of a Surrendered Single are that

Acknowledges her desire to attract and marry a man who’s right for her;

Lets go of the idea of a perfect man;

Receives compliments, gifts, help, and dates graciously whenever possible;

Takes responsibility for and focuses on her own happiness and fulfillment;

Relinquishes control of the pace of the courtship;

Strives to be vulnerable;

Honors her desire to be married by ending dead-end relationships;

Checks for safety before she risks herself physically or emotionally.

http://hisbelovedsubmissive.wordpress.com/2013/08/18/handcuffed/

Had made a comment , she read the book and stated that the book was about passive aggressive communication and manipulation.

She is correct I agreed with her she was right in every sense.

Although I did not fully agree with Doyle on everything and maybe just maybe there could of been different avenues. What steps would one take to hold their marriage together.

Being passive is not a bad thing in the right hands. If you are cared for and your needs are met without judgement. Manipulation can be bad and good. If you are manipulating someone to take advantage then it is wrong. I believe if you are trying to do good or make someone see your point and you have their best interest in hand then maybe just maybe it is not so bad.

As far as the criticism goes these are people who do not understand those who choose to be submissive. I talk to people like this on a regular basis. The one word that comes to mind is abuse. Forcing one to submit, forcing one to become a slave, that is abuse.

So lets say your partner comes to you and says hey I want to try the BDSM lifestyle, you would either say let me do some research, or your fucking crazy. While Doyle is not into the BDSM lifestyle she found her own submission.

My relationship is about taking care of needs, communication, showing that I care, and yes even the kink.

Someone asked me the other day why I liked to chain my wife up. It is not that I like, well yes I do, but to Arianna it is a need. Chain, rope, cuffs. The need to be bound.

If I was close minded and not in the lifestyle, if I truly loved my wife, I would go to great lengths to make things happen.

We as humans manipulate almost on a daily basis to get what we want. I did when when bought a new washer and dryer from HH Greg, and I talked them down 200 dollars off of the pair, or when we got Arianna a new car. We do it everyday without even knowing it.

Being passive does not make you a doormat in any way. Being passive can be bad if you are in a abusive relationship.

Could Doyle have done things differently, I am sure there were other approaches but she did what she thought was best to hold her family together.

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Vile