Archive for the Praise Category

Abuse Starts At A Very Early Age

Posted in Argue, Arianna, bdsm, Manipulation, masochist, Pony Girl, pony play, positive reinforcement, Praise, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , on July 23, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have been in the lifestyle for more than twenty years, and I have met thousands of people. Dominants, Masters, Submissive’s, slaves, Pony Girls, puppy’s, Kitty’s , the list goes on and on.

One thing I found in common with many is a lot not all but a lot were abused at an early age. This included physical , Mental , Rape and the most being molested by family members.

Okay so I do not have any hard numbers or facts so call me a bull shitter, or say I don’t know what I am talking about , but any Dominant who has been in the lifestyle for any amount of time will also say this is true.

I am not sure why the medical Profession has caught on yet, if I have surely they can find a connection. I believe one problem is those who are seeing doctors are scared of being open, about their lifestyle, in fear the doctor may not understand.

Okay so teen suicide is up by more than 50% compared to the 70’s , but now we have troubled teens taking to the streets with guns.

So a troubled teen lives at home and he is fixing to go on a slaughter, but the parents do not have a clue, really are you serious? They are locked up in their room, with nothing to do.

It is easier to push drugs on kids to make them so they can no longer think. They walk around like zombies. Now the problem is fixed.

The one thing I have not figured out is, troubled male teens growing up seldom make it into the lifestyle as Dominants, or I have never met anyone who had such troubles.
I have however met those who were Dominant and suffered from depression which I have blogged about in the past. This is probably one of the most dangerous Dominants you can enter a relationship with. If a Dominant or any other man for that matter cannot control his own life, how can you expect him to control someone else ?

Bea who I was in a relationship with for seven yrs, she was a cutter at a very young age, and her parents knew it was drugs, and they blamed it on her friends. Her mother would stand in the bathroom with her watching her pee in a cup for a over the counter drug test kit. How fucking embarrassing is that.
All along it was her parents, they were the root of the problem. On the outside of the shell everything looked like a 1950’s home, but behind closed doors, the arguing and the fighting, the screaming, and the lack of attention, the lack of taking part in their child’s life..

Shortly after we moved in together the cutting stopped, each time I would catch her we would talk about what was going through her mind. I never told her should could not do it, I just made it clear it displeased me.

Family’s are not what they were 30 years ago. Today it takes two incomes to support a home, mostly due to greed. The huge houses, and cars, credits cards are a disease a bad cancer.

Americans as a whole are stuck on big, our cars, boats, houses , and there is nothing wrong with that, but we tend to get lost , lost in life.

Several years ago I use to drive a Taxi during season here, and I could pick up a grand a week sometimes more.
One day I dropped off at the Orlando Airport and a guy from Egypt stopped me and asked me where I was going, Daytona Beach man. How much, um for you 200 bucks, normally 150, I get half. So he jumped in.
While driving I asked what his business was, he was here to buy seven 7/11’s
okay go figure.
So I ask why so many people from the Middle East come to the US to buy business’s. He stated he did not want to offend me. I was like dude you cannot offend me.

His answer was, The American people have lost all family values, Morals, and everything is for sale including your wife.
I thought wow that is some deep shit there. So if he thinks this way, imagine how the rest of the world views us. I mean the french hate us, but who really cares about them?
So it cannot be just one man who feels that way, millions I am sure feel the same way.

I was talking to Arianna sometime ago, and I was telling her how people change. I said you know 30 years ago a bad storm hits, and a huge oak tree is knocked down in your back yard. The next morning 20 people would be there helping you clear it out.
Today 20 people would show, but they would want to know how much they are getting paid. It is true.

Instead of blaming our future, we need to take a look at us as a whole. What are we doing different than we did 30, 40 or 50 years ago.

We use to fight in school, today kids are bringing guns. Something is wrong.

This is just my opinion you can take it for what it is worth I do not have a PHD.

cutter

Vile

I Am Really Disappointed

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Advice, anxiety, bdsm, control, Depression, fuck buddy, Mentor, Praise, slave, submissive, sucking cock on March 22, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have been Mentoring a Submissive for about 6 months now, although we live in different countries I try to stay in contact on a daily basis.

She has needed someone to help guide her in the right direction, making sure she takes her Medication daily and just trying to get her life on the right path. The good thing is she is improving almost daily with a few slips here and there but just like training it is a habit, and you have to make good habits.

So the submissive emails me and ask about a local mentor, someone there she could talk to, someone who would help teach her, and she sent me the name of a Dominant who lives local, and she asked me to kinda feel him out.

I contacted him explaining what needed to be done, I also informed him that the task would not be easy. I also explained to him that for now there should be no sex and no talk about sex, until she is fully back on her meds. I also explained she suffered from depression and anxiety so he had to be careful.

So the conversation him and I had was much different than the conversation they had. I even forwarded the email him and I had to the submissive to show her exactly what had been said.

So the time came and he called her and talked for a while. Now to give you a little back ground. This is a Dominant who has been in the lifestyle for over twenty years, and is the leader of a local group called MasT. Masters And Slaves Together. The group is world wide. He is also suppose to be highly respected there in the local community.

She also made it clear in order for them to move forward he had to read my blog. She explained to me that because of me she has set her standards very high when it comes to meeting a new Dom. Wow okay I did not know I had that much of an impact.

So after the phone call I get an email from the submissive, telling me about their conversation. The main topic was about sex. He felt in order to get to know her she had to share all of her sexual fantasies starting at a young age. He needed to know what she liked and did not like when it came to sex.

The I get an email from him. which was totally different. The thing that stuck in my mind was, A Dominant would have to invest a lot of time and would not get anything in return. Now the getting in return thing, are you talking about getting your cock sucked, getting pussy. What is it one may want to get in return.

Now in the six months I have been mentoring this submissive, sex has not come up . I have not brought sex up, she does from time to time, but it is just questions.

I truly enjoy helping those who are submissive, more so those who are a slave. What is it I get out of it. I actually get a lot. I get to watch someone grow, I get to see the self improvement. I get to see the want to move forward. I get to see one getting their life back together. Last I get to see them pack up and move on. All of that is a huge reward. Knowing that I have made a difference in someones life.

This Dom also made it clear to her that as long as I was in the picture no other Dom including himself would have nothing to do with her. This is mainly because he saw the amount of control I had over her, so if I was out of the picture, she would be fair game.

A mentor is someone who is willing to step in and help guide, to help get someone back on track, to help keep someone on the right path.

A Mentor is not a fuck buddy. That is just taking advantage of someone in a time of need. This is my definition of a Mentor.

Mentor- A tutor, a coach, a guide, a trusted counselor.

When a mentor steps in and they are filling the role of a Dominant, often the Dominant who is doing the mentoring will find that the submissive or slave is in a very vulnerable state of mind, and it would really be easy to take advantage of someone. One develops feelings and the other is just getting their rocks off, and in the end the submissive ends up getting hurt.

Here is the email I sent to this Dom.

I am contacting you on name taking out behalf.
I have known her for several months now, and have been trying to help out as much as possible. Offering advice, making sure she stays in line.

I was wondering if you might know of anyone local, who may be able to step in a kinda guide her.
She does have some issues, she suffers from depression, and is on medication for it.
She is just looking for a mentor to help guide her. I am not sure if she is really ready for anything sexual. We have not really spoken about sex.
If you could or know of someone who might be willing to look out for her that would be awesome.
Thank you
Vile

This was his reply

Hi Vile,

an update as discussed:

I had the phone conversation with name the other day for over an hour and did a lot of digging, and some pushing, to see who and what she was. I needed to understand what makes her tick. I have had some general interactions as well and have noted more things.

I think I should let you know a little about me so you can put what I say into perceptive. i have been active in the lifestyle for over 25 years, and was active even before the Internet. Inj that time I have trained guided protected and mentored many subs/slave & Doms as well. I do a lot of instruction around the mental side of dominance and control and am held in high regard in the Sydney scene. I actually am a committee member of the local MAsT chapter  and an the leader and coordinator for a Male Dominants group called the

I say this because I want to give a little credence to what I want to say as sadly it is not really that positive. I delved into her psychological make up, her dreams and desires, her sexual maturity and her basic sexual drivers. I also tested her core submission and pushed her for reaction.

The result of all this:
She is extremely immature when it comes to relationships and only lost her virginity just before she was 30. As a result she will attach herself quickly to those who show her any affection, especially when that affection is matched with dominance and power. As can be seen by her lifestyle relationships. This means that if she just stepped out she would attract the predator type Dom.

Her depression is long term and extremely well established. This will cause major issues in the lifestyle as it will spark major fear and anxiety from simple play. The long term depression means that her thinking and perspective are skewed to that way of thinking and would read situations in a bad way (happy to send links that cover this). There is one proven cure and that is sustained regular exercise. She needs to find the way to actually do that.

Yes she is submissive, my pick quite extreme as well, but there are huge underlying trust issues. I dont know where they came from but my pick is way before she started her time in the lifestyle. This means that she would require a lot of investment from a mentor before she would actually start to blossom. Sadly the payoff versus the investment means that in her current state most Doms I know would not be willing to invest the time to mentor her as they would get nothing back…. just lots of hard work.

On the up side she has very strong fantasies and she lifted markedly when they were just accepted and not judged, so much so she keep expanding on them. I beleive this shows that she has repressed these since she had them in her early teens but could be a way to help motivate her to start taking action, and could be the shortest path to releasing her true submission.

If that is done in a controlled manner then there is a good chance she could make the improvements in her self and her ability to trust which would show possible Doms her true potential.

I am happy to keep talking with her, but not willing to step into full blown mentor and nor would any Doms I know be willing to either. Her trust issues, and the other things I mentioned above , make her a liability not anything of value. She needs to make herself of some value. I suggest she keeps going to muches, she attends workshops, expands her social connections, and start exrcising in earnest. Her current approach, (she sent me an email stating I would have to earn the right to mentor her and that I would have to do so under your guidance – which is not the way any Dom i know mind works) is not going to achieve anything for her. Hence my suggestion.

I have not feed any of this back to name and will only do so under your instruction. I am happy to say something sofetr to her for example I dont have the time if you want. But I dont think that would help her.

Let me know what you think.

Regards

Now I have known her for over six months and we have had some in depth conversations, and although I came to the conclusion that she needed to take her meds daily, and she had to get out and walk daily. I recommended her going to local meetings, I encouraged her to make friends, more submissive and slave friends. I also make it a point to give praise, Praise goes a long way.

So lets get Vile out of the way. If Vile is no longer in the picture, I get what I want. If Vile is not around she will have to listen to me.

I also recommend if a submissive or slave needs a mentor then they should find another Submissive or slave as a mentor. There are very few Dominants who would take on such a task knowing they get no sex out of the deal.

So if I do not get any pussy, or your not going to suck my cock why would I want to spend my time with you?

There are many in the lifestyle who are just mentors, and they never step up to the plate when it comes to a relationship. Being a Mentor gives you the power but no real responsibility. So while your on your knees sucking cock he can tell you what you have done wrong that day.

This is the fucking ball kicker, another Dominant contacted the submissive I am mentoring and told her they had footage of her and everything was sent to me. I am not sure what he is talking about, I have only had brief conversations with him. I am not even sure why someone would want to fuck with someones mind in such a manner.

This happens all to often, this is what I try and warn all of you about. Because being new to the lifestyle you really do not have a clue, and you have to take someones word.

When I read the reply I was truly at a loss of words and even more so when I read her reply because it was something totally different. Now who am I going to believe. Certainly not the Dominant , I do not know him, how ever I do know the submissive.

Vile

Sub-Drop

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Aftercare, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Safety, BDSM Session, Beatings, Bipolar, blindfold, Bondage, cage, Cherish, communication, Consensual, control, controlling, Conversation, Depression, Dominants, Fear, Humiliation, masochist, Master, Masters, Mental illness, Pain, positive reinforcement, Praise, Safe, Safe and Sane, Scared, session, slave, Stressed, Sub Drop, submissive on July 17, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Sub-drop is something that has to be dealt with right after a session, or rough play. I firmly believe that sub-drop can be prevented with the right care.  While some may disagree I am speaking from over 20 years of experience in the lifestyle. I am not some dude who got out of bed Friday and said I am a Dom on your knees bitch.

You spend a couple of hours in a session, playing rough, not making love but just raw, sweaty hard fucking. Last weekend Arianna and I spent about 3 hours in play from being bound in the cage, tied to the bed spread eagle, blindfolded not knowing what was going on, not a clue. I cannot even imagine that feeling. Being able to hear but you cannot see.

I love using sexually, it is like mini golf I want to play all three holes and then start over. Sometimes I don’t even want to cum because I don’t want to lose that feeling.

I love face fucking, to me face fucking making her gag is one of the most humiliating things a man can do to a woman. I love feeling the throat muscles wrap around my cock feeling that gagging sensation. WOW.

Sub-Drop there are a couple of different definitions. one being, Physical Sub Drop the other being Mental

Physical Sub-Drop during a hard play session where a lot of impact play is going on, your body see’s this as more of a trauma. So naturally the body goes into the defense mode, pulling most of the blood to the to the torso area to protect the organs, yes think about this for a second, your mind is one place, but your body is in another.  While you are enjoying the play your body is going what the fuck.

Then comes the Mental part of Sub-Drop Mental Sub-Drop is much harder to see, It varies in such a great degree from person to person but usually takes the forms of guilt, anxiety,depression, and or agitation. This can happen right after a session or it can take up to several days for Sub-Drop to kick in.

There are several things we have to look at before any type of hard play. Things should be talked about like types of medications they are taking, mind altering , for depression or any other mental illness. If someone is suffering from Bi-polar then you have to adjust your play and not push to far.  If the Dominant does not know the submissive inside out there are things that should be considered. It is up to the Dominant to look out for the Submissive, we are to insure their safety.

Normally after a session the submissive has a feeling of being relaxed, not caring, very much at home feeling, and very tired the submissive will be mentally drained. Let them rest take a nice hot bath, bath them talk to them.

Aftercare is very important, if you just spent an hour beating a submissive and you untie and just walk away then you are not a good Dominant, I use the word beating loosely by the way.

While it is true after a session some do want to be left alone for a while so their mind can process everything that just happened. During a session you should be in constant communication with the Submissive insuring they are in fact okay. Again you the Dominant are responsible for their safety.

Give them some time alone if they need, let them curl up in a ball and process everything, even take a nap.

After you should step in, hold and pet, talk to about everything that happened. Praise the Submissive for doing so well. Talk about any limits that were tested or pushed.

Even if there was no real impact play , and everything was mainly mental the impact on the body can still be devastating.

That is why I myself believe Aftercare should be Proactive, and not just used after play, more so if the submissive is a masochist.

Certain medications and hard impact play do not go well together. If your submissive suffers from any type of depression and is taking mind altering drugs then there must be communication. You as the Dominant may decide there is a better approach to playing or you may decide not to play at all. Again we are to look out for ours.

I am going to pass on a link that I think everyone should read and maybe it will explain a little more about your feelings after play.

http://subshelpingsubs.tripod.com/articles/subdrop.html

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Much Love

Vile

Our Emotions.

Posted in 24/7, abuse, bdsm, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Master, morals, Praise, Punishment, Rules, slave, submissive on January 2, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile
Our emotions tend to run wild. Our brain is like a runaway train. Our mind is traveling at the speed of sound, trying to piece everything together, and at times it seems we have hit the wall of mass confusion. We try to sort to many things out at once, but it never works. Then at times we are not even sure what we are even thinking.
So this week I will introduce some new training techniques to Tish, those that are tailored towards Tish, and only Tish.  Just being with me a short time, then the move, I have been pretty lax in the training process, and even giving correction when needed. The last thing I want to do is cause any type of stress. I do not want to make her feel she has not done good, because she has.
At some point Love plays a part in the relationship. In the past I have made mistakes. My last long term relationship fell apart due to my bad judgement.
So as a Dominant we cannot let our emotions get in the way of Discipline, no matter how much we care, or what we are feeling. If we set a rule, and it is broken, then there should be consequences. Why have rules or guidelines if we are not going to enforce them.
A submissive or slave comes to us seeking guidance , understanding, and structure. We as Dominants have to be strong, caring and loving, but all with a firm hand.

I myself do not like to punish, when I have to it really hurts deep inside, I feel like crap for a very long time, and I even become emotionally drained, and at times guilty, but if I do not follow through, then I am not the Dominant Tish has been looking for.

So what I see is perfection, a slave who is trying to be her best. Forgetful at times, but those are the times I look over, things are still new to her and my ways. I have not need to sit around waiting on her to break a rule. That would set her up for failure.

The first of next week I will start introducing new rules and task in small segments, to insure she is not overwhelmed, or to cause to much stress.

So no matter how emotional we become, we must continue to be who and what we are, as Dominants we must stand firm. We must praise when needed, and punish when needed.

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Vile