I have been Mentoring a Submissive for about 6 months now, although we live in different countries I try to stay in contact on a daily basis.
She has needed someone to help guide her in the right direction, making sure she takes her Medication daily and just trying to get her life on the right path. The good thing is she is improving almost daily with a few slips here and there but just like training it is a habit, and you have to make good habits.
So the submissive emails me and ask about a local mentor, someone there she could talk to, someone who would help teach her, and she sent me the name of a Dominant who lives local, and she asked me to kinda feel him out.
I contacted him explaining what needed to be done, I also informed him that the task would not be easy. I also explained to him that for now there should be no sex and no talk about sex, until she is fully back on her meds. I also explained she suffered from depression and anxiety so he had to be careful.
So the conversation him and I had was much different than the conversation they had. I even forwarded the email him and I had to the submissive to show her exactly what had been said.
So the time came and he called her and talked for a while. Now to give you a little back ground. This is a Dominant who has been in the lifestyle for over twenty years, and is the leader of a local group called MasT. Masters And Slaves Together. The group is world wide. He is also suppose to be highly respected there in the local community.
She also made it clear in order for them to move forward he had to read my blog. She explained to me that because of me she has set her standards very high when it comes to meeting a new Dom. Wow okay I did not know I had that much of an impact.
So after the phone call I get an email from the submissive, telling me about their conversation. The main topic was about sex. He felt in order to get to know her she had to share all of her sexual fantasies starting at a young age. He needed to know what she liked and did not like when it came to sex.
The I get an email from him. which was totally different. The thing that stuck in my mind was, A Dominant would have to invest a lot of time and would not get anything in return. Now the getting in return thing, are you talking about getting your cock sucked, getting pussy. What is it one may want to get in return.
Now in the six months I have been mentoring this submissive, sex has not come up . I have not brought sex up, she does from time to time, but it is just questions.
I truly enjoy helping those who are submissive, more so those who are a slave. What is it I get out of it. I actually get a lot. I get to watch someone grow, I get to see the self improvement. I get to see the want to move forward. I get to see one getting their life back together. Last I get to see them pack up and move on. All of that is a huge reward. Knowing that I have made a difference in someones life.
This Dom also made it clear to her that as long as I was in the picture no other Dom including himself would have nothing to do with her. This is mainly because he saw the amount of control I had over her, so if I was out of the picture, she would be fair game.
A mentor is someone who is willing to step in and help guide, to help get someone back on track, to help keep someone on the right path.
A Mentor is not a fuck buddy. That is just taking advantage of someone in a time of need. This is my definition of a Mentor.
Mentor- A tutor, a coach, a guide, a trusted counselor.
When a mentor steps in and they are filling the role of a Dominant, often the Dominant who is doing the mentoring will find that the submissive or slave is in a very vulnerable state of mind, and it would really be easy to take advantage of someone. One develops feelings and the other is just getting their rocks off, and in the end the submissive ends up getting hurt.
Here is the email I sent to this Dom.
I am contacting you on name taking out behalf.
I have known her for several months now, and have been trying to help out as much as possible. Offering advice, making sure she stays in line.
I was wondering if you might know of anyone local, who may be able to step in a kinda guide her.
She does have some issues, she suffers from depression, and is on medication for it.
She is just looking for a mentor to help guide her. I am not sure if she is really ready for anything sexual. We have not really spoken about sex.
If you could or know of someone who might be willing to look out for her that would be awesome.
This was his reply
an update as discussed:
I had the phone conversation with name the other day for over an hour and did a lot of digging, and some pushing, to see who and what she was. I needed to understand what makes her tick. I have had some general interactions as well and have noted more things.
I think I should let you know a little about me so you can put what I say into perceptive. i have been active in the lifestyle for over 25 years, and was active even before the Internet. Inj that time I have trained guided protected and mentored many subs/slave & Doms as well. I do a lot of instruction around the mental side of dominance and control and am held in high regard in the Sydney scene. I actually am a committee member of the local MAsT chapter and an the leader and coordinator for a Male Dominants group called the
I say this because I want to give a little credence to what I want to say as sadly it is not really that positive. I delved into her psychological make up, her dreams and desires, her sexual maturity and her basic sexual drivers. I also tested her core submission and pushed her for reaction.
The result of all this:
She is extremely immature when it comes to relationships and only lost her virginity just before she was 30. As a result she will attach herself quickly to those who show her any affection, especially when that affection is matched with dominance and power. As can be seen by her lifestyle relationships. This means that if she just stepped out she would attract the predator type Dom.
Her depression is long term and extremely well established. This will cause major issues in the lifestyle as it will spark major fear and anxiety from simple play. The long term depression means that her thinking and perspective are skewed to that way of thinking and would read situations in a bad way (happy to send links that cover this). There is one proven cure and that is sustained regular exercise. She needs to find the way to actually do that.
Yes she is submissive, my pick quite extreme as well, but there are huge underlying trust issues. I dont know where they came from but my pick is way before she started her time in the lifestyle. This means that she would require a lot of investment from a mentor before she would actually start to blossom. Sadly the payoff versus the investment means that in her current state most Doms I know would not be willing to invest the time to mentor her as they would get nothing back…. just lots of hard work.
On the up side she has very strong fantasies and she lifted markedly when they were just accepted and not judged, so much so she keep expanding on them. I beleive this shows that she has repressed these since she had them in her early teens but could be a way to help motivate her to start taking action, and could be the shortest path to releasing her true submission.
If that is done in a controlled manner then there is a good chance she could make the improvements in her self and her ability to trust which would show possible Doms her true potential.
I am happy to keep talking with her, but not willing to step into full blown mentor and nor would any Doms I know be willing to either. Her trust issues, and the other things I mentioned above , make her a liability not anything of value. She needs to make herself of some value. I suggest she keeps going to muches, she attends workshops, expands her social connections, and start exrcising in earnest. Her current approach, (she sent me an email stating I would have to earn the right to mentor her and that I would have to do so under your guidance – which is not the way any Dom i know mind works) is not going to achieve anything for her. Hence my suggestion.
I have not feed any of this back to name and will only do so under your instruction. I am happy to say something sofetr to her for example I dont have the time if you want. But I dont think that would help her.
Let me know what you think.
Now I have known her for over six months and we have had some in depth conversations, and although I came to the conclusion that she needed to take her meds daily, and she had to get out and walk daily. I recommended her going to local meetings, I encouraged her to make friends, more submissive and slave friends. I also make it a point to give praise, Praise goes a long way.
So lets get Vile out of the way. If Vile is no longer in the picture, I get what I want. If Vile is not around she will have to listen to me.
I also recommend if a submissive or slave needs a mentor then they should find another Submissive or slave as a mentor. There are very few Dominants who would take on such a task knowing they get no sex out of the deal.
So if I do not get any pussy, or your not going to suck my cock why would I want to spend my time with you?
There are many in the lifestyle who are just mentors, and they never step up to the plate when it comes to a relationship. Being a Mentor gives you the power but no real responsibility. So while your on your knees sucking cock he can tell you what you have done wrong that day.
This is the fucking ball kicker, another Dominant contacted the submissive I am mentoring and told her they had footage of her and everything was sent to me. I am not sure what he is talking about, I have only had brief conversations with him. I am not even sure why someone would want to fuck with someones mind in such a manner.
This happens all to often, this is what I try and warn all of you about. Because being new to the lifestyle you really do not have a clue, and you have to take someones word.
When I read the reply I was truly at a loss of words and even more so when I read her reply because it was something totally different. Now who am I going to believe. Certainly not the Dominant , I do not know him, how ever I do know the submissive.