Archive for the proactive aftercare Category

Aftercare And Being Proactive

Posted in abuse, Adrenaline, Aftercare, anticipation, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Safety, BDSM Session, Breaking a Slave, communication, Consensual, control, Conversation, Depressed, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, erotic, Humiliation, inhibitions, Master, No Inhibitions, Pain, Patience, pleasure, proactive aftercare, provocative, punish, relationships, Respect, Safe, session, slave, Spanking, Sub Drop, Submission, submissive on September 13, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Aftercare BDSM

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In the context of the sexual practice of BDSM, aftercare is the process of attending to one another after intense feelings of a physical or psychological nature relating to BDSM activities.

BDSM experiences can be exhausting; and drain the participants of mental, emotional or physical energy. As a result, one or all participants may require emotional support, comfort, reassurance, and/or physical tenderness. Along with this, he or she may experience everything from an exhilaration to traumatization. Aftercare also may include a review or “debriefing” of the activities from experiences of both the dominant and the submissive.

Some participants may wish to be left alone or have other means of processing the experience. While the desire to be left alone could stem from just needing rest, it could also result from no longer feeling safe in the current environment or situation.

Common aftercare practices may include hugging, kissing, hair-stroking, cuddling, words of praise or gratitude, or general affirmation of an emotional bond between partners. Occasionally, more “vanilla” sexual activities such as intercourse or oral sex following an intense scene may also be considered as part of aftercare.

It is often thought in a submission/dominant relationship, only the submissive requires aftercare following BDSM activities. However, a dominant may require less, just as much, or more aftercare depending on the scene, person, experience level, and other factors. The role of submissive or dominant is unrelated to the amount of aftercare someone needs and should not be thought of as a metric in this regard.

In long distance relationships, a potentially useful practice when engaged in remote BDSM activities is to facilitate aftercare by the exchange of emotionally significant items which can be clung to for reassurance, though success of this depends on both parties’ level of emotional investment in the relationship.

If you sat down and wrote a list about your needs while in a M’s or D’s relationship Aftercare should be the first at number one, not two or three or five or six, number one. Here in a few I will explain my proactive aftercare.

You start playing or maybe you call it a session, maybe your submissive or slave is into hard impact play. Maybe you the Dom enjoys getting rough, but the submissive is really not into the rough play but goes along with to please. If your anything like me my play time can last for an hour or more.

During this time the sub is giving all they have, physically , and mentally, as well as emotionally. We take what is giving and then more. We want satisfaction out of our play time. Sometimes we go as far as pushing limits, just to see how far we can take our property. If we have pushed or maxed a limit we the Dominant gains a high, a rush, the adrenaline starts to flow. I have gotten so excited I have had to take a break so I could gather my thoughts, catch my breath, and the submissive is just laying there waiting not knowing what is on the Dominants mind, or how much longer the session is going to go on for.

After play this is when the first of aftercare kicks in, communication should be the first, asking and digging for questions. We want to know where they are at right now, what their thoughts are, how they are feeling. Talk about any limits that were pushed.  This is very important, we need to know if we pushed to far, what if the submissive did not like something it should be talked about, maybe there is another avenue we can take to make that part of the session different.  Many will play and give even if they are getting nothing out of it, this is done just to please.

Now on the other side at times we ignore aftercare, let me explain. I have met those who are submissive and Slaves who wanted to be broken. I have been asked a couple of times, but I have declined both times. First of all I did not want that type of responsibility. I did not want to be responsible for bring them down and then bringing back up. I am not sure why someone would need such a thing, but we all have our needs, Breaking someone is just not my thing. Breaking a Slave takes time, I have seen it done and it is not pretty, nor did I take part. To each their own we all have different needs within the lifestyle, so I do not judge anyone for their actions. The breaking of a Slave should only be considered if the two are entering a long term relationship, and the Slave must be sure of this. If it is just short term the after effects could be devastating.

We should hold while in the aftercare mode, we should praise, speak very highly of. We should cover every part of the scene, being sure to not miss anything. Okay I am guilty of not going into the full aftercare mode at times, but when it does come to aftercare I am proactive.

Constant praise on a daily basis. Many spend way to much time waiting on theirs to break a rule, or make a mistake, so they can correct or punish. Many Doms get off on just punishing. Degrading, humiliation. More so the new ones who have entered the lifestyle. Reading books, or looking at pictures, many for what ever reason cannot get past the pictures.

After a session or play we need to ask questions, we want to know where there thoughts are. What did they like? What did they not like? Do they want to try something different? We should hold and caress, make the two feel as one.

Proactive aftercare constant praising , when something is done comment about it.  The idea is to build up, make one feel confident. We want to build up their self esteem if needed and in most cases it is needed. This is what I mean by being proactive.

If aftercare is not performed sub drop occurs and despite what most think I do believe sub drop can be prevented with the practice of aftercare. Sub drop occurs mostly when the two do not live together, and the submissive is left alone. Getting together while in a long distance relationship every now and then, sub drop will happen.

The proper aftercare is very important we being different aftercare will vary from submissive to submissive. Some after play want to be left alone for a period of time, giving them time to gather their thoughts and feelings, while some do not want any aftercare at all. I do believe sub drop can be prevented despite what others think.

You the submissive if you feel this area is being neglected speak up, you have this right to insure you are being taking care of, you have the right to express your needs.

I am telling you from experience, if aftercare is giving and the proper amount, what use to be limits will soon start to fade away, what use to be inhibitions will soon begin to fade away. The more we as Dominants care and we show we care the more the submissive will want to give.

Aftercare is a must.

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Vile

Being depressed Is Not The End Of The World.

Posted in abuse, Advice, anti depression medication, Baggage, bdsm, Bond, Change, codependent, communication, control, controlling, Conversation, counselor or Psychiatrists, Depressed, Depression, disable, Discipline, Dominance, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Fear, Health, Humiliation, Kink, Lie, Lies, life, Love, masochist, Master, Mentor, needy, non caring, Paranoid schizophrenia, Patience, proactive aftercare, problems, provocative, sadist, Scared, slave, submissive, TPE on April 19, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Your laying in bed one night reading erotica , and you stumble across a BDSM story. You find it intriguing, interesting. You go to sleep , and the next morning your thinking about the story. During the day the story you read really makes you think. Hmm maybe just maybe this is me. Maybe I am a Slave, maybe this is what I have been missing.

Books are a great source of information, but you are only getting ones opinion. The same if you are depressed and your seeing a doctor, you are only getting ones opinion, you see another doctor and more than likely you will get another opinion. Sometimes in life you have to take what you see, read, and hear with a grain of salt. The Story Of O is a great book. This is the story of ones life. It can give you ideas and thoughts on how you want your life to be, but the truth is you have to find your own Story. You have to start out with an empty book and write it yourself.

I will agree that many of those who are submissive or slaves can be late bloomers. There is a hidden trigger in your brain, and something just flicked the switch, now the search is on. In my time I have never met a Submissive or Slave who did not suffer with some type of depression, anxiety, maybe bipolar, you get the picture. There is a switch in your brain and something turns it on.

Something from childhood, may have happened at a very young age, and your brain has now blocked it, maybe abused at a young age. More extreme raped, or even molested. I have heard all of the above.

I was recently told by a Medical professional that someone who suffers from being bipolar and depression, as well as other mental issues, can live a very healthy life while in the lifestyle under the right conditions. Fucking listen, THE RIGHT CONDITIONS.

Stability is a major factor, a stable home. Structure, in a stable home. Communication in a stable home. The Dominant must try to understand the illness. The Dominant must take part in all treatment. The Dominant must ask questions, after all you are concerned about yours.

The Slave must be honest when seeing Doctors, counselors, Psychiatrist, you have to be honest. Never be ashamed of who and what you are. If you do not talk about your lifestyle, your treatment may not be effective.

I actually thought while speaking with this counselor, I was going to be hammered, I was going to be giving the third degree, just general conversation, but still when she began to explain how under the right conditions a BDSM lifestyle can be healthy. Again this was only ones opinion.

In most cases the Submissive or Slave will bond with one, that being the Dominant. She is looking for support, guidance, structure, and someplace safe and stable. They are afraid when out alone, at times they get manic, the anxiety  level is at an all time high, and mass confusion hits.

There are things a Dominant will have to do in such as relationship, if he truly cares he has to step up to the plate. You know sending your slave to the store cause Anxiety. So you have to make the trip with your slave. Most who are Submissive or a slave cannot handle confrontation, guess what the Dominant has to step up to the plate. If the Submissive or Slave makes a mistake, the Dominant has to fix it. The Dominant may have to make phone calls. The Dominant may have to do most of the cooking, stepping up to the plate.

If you are in the lifestyle as a Dominant just for the pussy, the kink, the physical abuse, you are really not going to give a fuck. What you are doing as the suppose to be Dominant is causing more damage, you are turning on more switches, then poof your going as fast as you came.

Very seldom do you see a Dominant as a late Bloomer. The majority of Dominants have been Dominant since childhood, it is in your personality. Once you become interested in the lifestyle , it can takes years to master your Dominance. As I have stated before I had a few great mentors. Today I have two I confide in.  To this day when I am speaking to an older Dominant you will hear me call him Sir, out of respect.

A man cannot wake one Morning and say I am a Master, that does not happen. You cannot wake one morning and be ready or willing to take on the responsibility of someones life. Be able to guide, put structure into their life, guidelines and be consistent it cannot happen. This is not old school talking this is common sense.

Most who are Submissive or Slaves tend to trust to fast. They truly believe they have found the one. Early on they spill their heart, they share all the good, the bad, and the mistakes they have made. You as the Dominant must take all this information in, you digest it, then you put your plan into motion.

I have seen Dominants use what has been told to them as ammunition, and at some point in the relationship they throw it back in their face causing more hurt. Why would you as a Dominant do such a thing, when you were trusted? The Submissive confided in you, the submissive was being honest.

We as Dominants must be supportive, we must encourage, guide, and walk hand in hand. Although in some cases we do have to allow one to stumble, not fall, at times we have to say Yes, we have to let one make a mistake. You cannot spend your relationship saying no.Even when they stumble we still need to praise the effort that was put into what ever the Submissive or slave was trying to accomplish. Positive reinforcement goes a long way. Stumble but not fall. If for some reason they do fall, we have to be willing to pick up, dust off and continue walking.

Here is the kicker, and this takes much thought. You as the Dominant are getting ready to enter a new found relationship. The Submissive or Slave has just spilled their heart. They suffer from all of the above. You know you are going to have to spend a great deal of time with yours. You may have to give things up in your life, bowling night, Bar night with the buddies, Because you now have someone glued to your side.

You are entering a relationship , you have to think long and hard if you as a Dominant want this type of responsibly, because once you start you are committed. You as the Dominant have giving your word. You will be there no matter what. The crying, the confusion, the midnight phone calls. You cannot complain because you made a promise and a commitment. You have said Play Ball.

Just like the Slave or Submissive the Dominant cannot read a book, if you are a true Dominant what you have is already there. A good mentor can bring the best out, but what you are taught, you have to take bits and pieces and put your own to work, your own style. The way you run your house, your own rules, and protocol. You have to be you.

If you are a Sadist, find a Masochist. Do not take someone who is not into pain and force one to be willing to explore your needs. Physical abuse is not tolerated, and that is what you are doing. Never force one to do something that is unhealthy. In many cases a Submissive or Slave will do things just to please, without thinking of the consequences. You as the Dominant may think everything is fine, when in fact it is not. They will not say anything and let you continue, and what you are doing is chipping away at wood, and eventually the wood will be gone.

Having an illness is not the end of the world for the submissive, they can lead a very productive life, under the right conditions. Please do not think that everyday is going to be cake and ice cream, because if you do you are living in a fantasy world.

You as the Dominate must step up to the plate it may be full or only half. When a problem arises you have to be willing to work through it. Most of all if you really care, you may have to adjust your whole life around the submissive.

It is up to the Dominate to dig deep, what kinds of medication? What are you taking them for. Listen to their story, take it in, digest it, and put it to good use.

You as the Dominant make have to make all the decisions, in everyday life. You have to be willing to accept this task. No matter what you must never complain. Take the Ball and run with it.  Most of all never use their sickness against them, never throw anything back in there face. If you do what you have built you have just destroyed. Everything you have built is now gone, you have to start from scratch, if the submissive will allow you to.

You the Dominant must be in control at all time, there is never a reason to yell, scream, argue, put down, degrade, abuse. You must be in control and not controlling.

Down time is very important. This is needed not for one but for both. I know once I put Arianna to bed, I take a deep breath and then and only then can I relax. This is my down time. It is good to suggest hobbies, allow them to go out for a day without breathing down their neck, the mall, a book store, or just taking a nap. Down Time is crucial and it is a need. This allows the Submissive or Slave to breath, relax, take in the fresh air.  You as the Dominant should suggest the down time, encourage. Allow some freedom, when they are out don’t be blowing their phone up . Allow them to have friends, see family Go with them if asked. Don’t make an excuse why you cant. Do not seem like you are thinking about their request just do it.

With the exception of a few illnesses you can have a healthy relationship. I would say someone who suffers from Paranoid schizophrenia would be a huge no no, unless you have been in a relationship for a very long time.

Most who suffer from any type of illness are visual people. You will see many times a submissive or Slave writing things down. This is the visual. When they are trying to make a decision you may have to communicate the logic part to them. Allow them to be visual encourage them. Writing things down they can see the pros and cons, talk to them about what they are feeling.

You can live a very happy life, if you the Dominant are willing to take the right steps. If you are there just to use, you need to sit back and think of the damage you are doing or have done.

One thing you cannot and must never do is remind the submissive or slave what you have done for them, throw back in their face well where would you be without me.

Karma is a Mother Fucker.

 

Vile

We Train To Fit Our Needs

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, BDSM Safety, blow job, Change, Cherish, communication, control, Discipline, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, events, Humiliation, Kink, kinkster, kinky, Master, Masters, Molding, molding your slave, munchs, non caring, oral, oral sex, proactive aftercare, Protocol, Protocol public, provocative, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, sex, sharing, slave, submissive, Task, training your slave on February 27, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

The word train, or training to many sounds really weird even funny to a lot of people.. Training really just consist of implementing new habits.

Why do Dominants train? Because the submissive or slaves seeks that type of attention. Depending on what your mindset is depends on how far you want to carry the lifestyle.

The truth is and I do not think many will disagree with me, those who are submissive live on the lighter side of BDSM. The Dominant sets rules for the submissive but in time he becomes somewhat lax and does not really enforce. The relationship turns more to just kink,unless the submissive does something that is really out of the norm.

A Slave wants to be owned, a slave needs to have that feeling of being owned. A slave needs that structure. A slave needs to know and feel she is needed.

The hardest thing about being in a Master and Slave relationship is being able to hold the everyday consistency. To say what we mean, and mean what we do.

Once you begin to start changing habit, from where the slave is allowed to sit, the food and the amounts of food the slave is allowed. Having her clothes picked out for her, her bath and bed time. The master takes over her life basically, not an easy task by no means.

The house a slave may only have a few places she is allowed to sit. This makes her feel owned, again it becomes a habit. What she wears once home, you limit her clothing if any, again you are adding new habits.

Arianna and I watched the movie The Pet. She enjoyed the movie, not so much the outcome , but seeing the devotion that a pet could have towards her owner really drove home. The thing that really got Arianna to thinking was the speech restriction , she asked if I would be interested in such a relationship. In a way we are somewhat on the same page but only when out at events or munchs. While out that is when the protocol kicks in.

Many submissives and slaves take the lifestyle serious, until they enter into a full relationship. Once they see it really takes a lot of work, one will tend to back off and change their outlook on the type of relationship they are seeking.

Many submissives or slaves make the comments I am an open book, or I am a blank canvas paint me, but once the dominant begins to paint, thoughts rush through the subs mind. Tis is not what she expected. She feels she is giving up to much of herself and more so her freedom.

A slaves outlook is totally different. A slave does not want or require freedom, but and this is a big but, they do need down time. Down time is needed it gives the slave time to breath, relax. If you ran a car for 24 hrs a day it would break down. The same thing can happen with a slave. I give Arianna down time every week. This is her free time to do as she pleases. Right now she is working on a quilt with an old friend of hers. I give one day a week and a couple of hours. At times I can see she may be a little stressed, so I send her to the bedroom for down time. She is allowed to listen to music, or write in her journal.

The down time giving is like I blogged about proactive-aftercare. I am always on the look out to insure Arianna’s well being. She is my responsibility.

In the lifestyle I have those who just love me, then I have those who hate me. The hate comes from how I run my house. The hate comes from me being so open. If I think your bullshitting me, I will call you out on it right there. Those who love me are true friends, and they know what I am about and where I am coming from. Most of those who do not like me are new to the lifestyle. I have nothing against them, today it is more about kink, nothing really to do with BDSM.

If you look at some of the groups today on fetlife, it has really nothing to do with the letters BDSM. The words kinkster is used more often. Even munchs have moved towards the word kinkster, the Dungeon in Orlando now is about kinksters, and not BDSM

Here is the kicker. I have been asked several times if I would share Arianna. I have been asked if they could fuck her, or if I would let her give them head. Really I swear. These are the people who dislike me.

When we as dominants train, we need to look at the needs, not the wants. The idea is to break old habits and create new ones. We take the bad habits away, and replace with good positive habits. The rules should be the same way.

When I was younger my rules were more sexually based, okay so I did not know any better. It really took me a long time to realize I was doing more harm than good. I was only looking out for me. It was about 7 or 8 years into the lifestyle before I found out the slave had to come first.

If you have a dominant and your rules are just based on sex, I would rethink the relationship.Don’t get me wrong I love to fuck, but the relationship runs so much deeper. The thought process should be different, unless your just into the kink of things.

I do use a few of the slave positions , not on a daily basis. I use them to put Arianna back in that frame of mind, they make her feel somewhat humble, and she feels some humiliation, again not everyday. As long as they continue to serve there purpose I will continue to use, I tend to change things up to keep Arianna off guard.

Okay today I am just rambling , this was something that just popped in my head.

 

Vile

Living in Total Solitude

Posted in abuse, Aftercare, bdsm, Consensual, control, Dominants, Fantasy, Giving Head, Master, Masters, munchs, non-consensual, oral, oral sex, proactive aftercare, provocative, Respect, Rules, Safe and Sane, serve, sex, sex slaves, slave, submissive, Total Slavery, Total Solitude on February 14, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

At one time I was looking for a slave who wanted to live in total solitude. Little to no contact with the outside world. Only able to leave the house when I wanted to take her out.

To be nude twenty four hours a day, no rights, no say, no opinion. Just for my service and my service only.

Now your thinking I am really crazy, or you have never heard of total solitude within the lifestyle. The fact is it is alive and well. It could very well be a neighbor next door.

I was really pretty serious in my search for sometime,  I really looked diligently for about six months and spoke with about six potential slaves who were seeking total solitary. Then things came up in life and I had to put things on hold for a little while. Then I met Arianna.

Recently Arianna and I were at a munch, and we met a single dominant who was seeking the same thing, total solitude. He wants a consensual/ non consensual relationship. Now try to figure that one out. To top it off his number of slave to have is four. A nice even number I suppose.

One thing I never understood is why a man or dominant would need more than one. More than one slave who fully serves. I am not speaking of a submissive, I am talking about a slave. A friend of mine and I were talking and I was trying to understand him, when asked the question of why more than one slave, his answer was to spice things up.

Some fifteen years ago I met a Dom who lived in Tampa Florida who owned seven or eight.Again I just do not understand unless maybe it is just an ego thing.

Total solitude, the only interaction with other people was that is allowed. The only talking is that is allowed, clothes, bathing, eating, and even sex on demand, no questions asked.

Total solitude can have its benefits, but it can have its setbacks as well.

Positive effects

There are many benefits to spending time alone, freedom is considered to be one of the benefits of solitude. The constraints of others will not have any effect on a person who is spending time in solitude, therefore giving the person more of a scope to his actions. With increased freedom, a person’s choices are less likely to be affected by exchanges with others. [8]

A person’s creativity can be sparked when given freedom. Solitude can increase freedom and moreover, freedom from distractions has the potential to spark creativity. In 1994, psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi found that adolescents who cannot bear to be alone often fall short of enhancing creative talents. [8]

Another proven benefit to time given in solitude is the development of self. When a person spends time in solitude from others, he may experience changes to his self-concept. This can also help a person to form or discover his identity without any outside distractions. Solitude also provides time for contemplation, growth in personal spirituality, and self-examination. In these situations, loneliness can be avoided as long as the person in solitude knows that they have meaningful relations with others.

A meaningful relationship would be with a slaves Master. This is where proactive Aftercare would come into role, being consistent in the lifestyle.

So the Dominant is looking for, four slaves to live in total solitude. This sounds really good, a lot of fun, different pussy every night. Unlimited cock sucking, how much better could it get.

The first thing is finding two women who can live together, that is hard, but to find four women, four slaves, Yea I am thinking not. It is not impossible, but next to it.

Then the Dominant finds his self supporting four slaves and not just one. Clothes, food, housing, and the most important medical. Has anyone priced what medical insurance would cost for one. Now your paying for four. Who in their right mind would want that kind of responsibility. So if you were able to find medical for each at a cost of 800 dollars a month, times four that comes to 3200 a month, and around 38.000 a year. That is just medical, that does not include any co-pays,  that does not include any prescriptions, so roughly 40.000 a year just in medical.

The other thing is, there has to be a number one, one of the four has to be number one, she has to keep things in order while the master is away, but at the same time all four have to be treated equal. A master cannot show any favoritism towards anyone slave, nor can the master take sides. Once a fight breaks out the master has to let the slaves work things out, or he can step in and punish everyone. This is keeping it equal.

Total solitude also has its down fall, it can be unhealthy, and can cause great mental distress, if not looked after properly.

Negative effects

Too much solitude is not always considered beneficial. Many of the negative effects have been observed in prisoners. Often, prisoners spend much time in solitude, where their behavior may worsen.[9]

Negative effects of solitude may also depend on age. Elementary age school children who experience frequent solitude may react negatively.[11] This is largely because, often, solitude at this age is not something chosen by the child.[11] Solitude in elementary age kids may occur when the kids don’t know how to interact socially with others so they prefer to be alone, causing shyness or social rejection.[11]

While teenagers are more likely to feel lonely or unhappy when not around others, they are also more likely to have a more enjoyable experience with others if they have had time alone first. However, teenagers who frequently spend time alone don’t have as good of a global adjustment as those who balance their time of solitude with their social time.

Is it wrong to take a slave in, who wishes to live in total solitude? Yes and No. If the Master is willing to give 100%, stay loyal to his property, take care of the slaves needs, including health. To care for in all that factors into a long term relationship. I believe this would work if both were committed to a long term commitment.

A slave is much different than a submissive we all know this. A submissive only submits on their time. A submissive has the ability to say no. A submissive can impose limits. A submissive can voice opinions.

A slave has no rights. The only rights are those giving. A slave has no say in any of the family affairs. A slave has no limits, eh with in reason. A slave submits at the snap of a finger, without question. If a slave has a master who is looking out for the slaves best interest then all is good. All we as dominants want is total self improvement. We as dominants are to give total support.. We as dominants thrive to see our slave progress in a positive manner.

As pleasure

Solitude does not necessarily entail feelings of loneliness. For example, in religious contexts, some saints preferred silence and found immense pleasure in their uniformity with God. Buddha attained enlightenment through uses of meditation, deprived of sensory input, bodily necessities, and external desires, including social interaction. The context of solitude is attainment of pleasure from within, rather than seeking it in the external world. In psychology, introverted individuals may require spending time away from people to recharge. Those who are simply socially apathetic might find it a pleasurable environment in which to occupy oneself with solitary tasks.

As punishment

Isolation in the form of solitary confinement is a punishment or precaution used in many countries throughout the world for prisoners accused of serious crimes, those who may be at risk in the prison population, those who may commit suicide, or those unable to participate in the prison population due to sickness or injury.

Having a slave who wants to live as a total solitude slave has its ups and down, positive and negative. I myself would really have to think long and hard if I was approached with someone seeking that type of life.

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Vile

Proactive Aftercare

Posted in Aftercare, bdsm, Bond, control, Conversation, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, ethics, Health, Love, Master, needy, Patience, proactive aftercare, problems, relationships, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, session, sex, slave, Sub Drop, sub-space, submissive, TPE, Trust on February 10, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Those who are submissive are very needy, I believe slaves are more needy on many different levels. Being proactive in a 24/7 live in relationship is really important. I do believe it takes a lot more interaction and communication than a vanilla relationship. I know I keep bringing this up but if I am really anal about something, I feel the need.

When most say aftercare, the term is used mainly after play, be it just intense bondage, hard spanking, humiliation, you get the picture, but the fact is aftercare should be an on going process play or no play.

The needy is much different than a regular relationship. While I do not still understand how the neediness factors in with subs and slaves, if you are in a D’s relationship it is more noticeable.

I like the word Proactive, the after care is on going, never ending, and along with such care comes a great deal of responsibility. I cannot speak enough on being consistent, that is something that took me many years to master, listening also plays a huge factor , along with much needed communication.

I have said a hundred times that sub-drop can be prevented, and I truly believe this. Sub-drop does accrue mainly while in a long distance relationship, or when two are not 24/7. It is not to say even if you are 24/7 that it cannot happen, but if you are paying your sub or slave the attention they need, the chances of sub-drop are indeed very slim.

Sub-drop the opposite of sub-space can last anywhere from Ten minutes to a couple of days or more. Again the drop happens mostly when two are not 24/7.

This is a Time when the Dominant should step up to the plate and be who he is, and nothing less. If you are not 24/7 you really have a lot on your hands, and may end up spending hours on the phone, until they have calmed down. Sub-space can be just as bad as a drop, and the same attention should be giving.

At times after real intense play a submissive or slave may want to be left alone for a short time, so they are able to gather their thoughts, and figure out their surroundings, before talking or being held.

After care is looked over way to often, as many dominants really do not see the need, some believe, some do not.

The bottom line is, if you take care of your property, and run a well managed care program, the relationship will be unlike any other.

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Vile