This really happens a lot, more so when a submissive or slave is just entering their first relationship. It is almost like a craving, a drug, but it can be a bad drug.
Just entering the lifestyle a sub/slave will take just about anything that is thrown their way. Lack of communication, being yelled at, humiliated, and even told you are to take pain. Told how to dress, send pictures, video, nude on the webcam. The last three I not only find childish, but really meaningless. During a session, when Tish is blindfolded I will take a few pics to show her what she looked like, then I delete. I do not save one for myself.
The first thing a lot of Dominants want to do is drop a ton of rules on you, making you feel overwhelmed and stressed. The rules, it took me about a week to implement any rules when it came to Tish. Number one I did not know her, number two I did not know what her needs were, and the type of structure she was needing.
The rules should not be of a sexual nature, I sent Tish 25 total rules, and I believe one was about masturbation, that is only because I like to watch, but none of the rules were based on sex.
Pain. All subs or slaves are not wired the same. Never let anyone tell you that you can be trained to take pain. I find that to be the biggest load of fucking horse shit in the world. I was with sherry for almost seven year, a true masochist, a masochist like I have ever known. To this day I still cannot figure out what made her clock tick. At times when I would leave her house or her mine, I would be scared from all the bruising, and marks. On the other side of the story she would not of been happy in a regular D’s relationship, the pain was a release for her . A slave told me not long ago Her Dominant had her watch an S&M video, and the slave was laughing as he was hitting her. The thing is he was not really hitting her that hard, and she probably made 3K for the day. If you are not into pain, then make it clear you are not, nor will you stand for it. You do not have to take anything just to please, if you are told that, I would reevaluate the situation.
I do love sex, as a matter of fact I am more of a pleaser when it comes to any type of sexual contact, although there will be times when it is just about me. For the most though, I make sure my slave reaches that point before I do. If you start your relationship out based on sex that is all you have. You are lucky if what you think you have will last a year.
Being told what to wear, wow I remember when I was in my mid twenty’s. She had to wear a short skirt with no panties. Yea I was thinking with my dick. Today I am much different, although 99% of the time I choose the clothes, I do not dress Tish like a slut, pretty much covered, and is seldom nude at home, or even sleeping. While in bed it just depends on my mood. Going to a munch I may have her wear a skirt, but nothing that will make her feel ashamed or out of place. We as Dominants have to grow up sometime.
I control the house, what to eat how much, bath time, and even bed time. I want to make this clear though, everything I named off is what Tish told me her needs were. I made an agreement, so the key now is for me to stay Consistent, if I ever lose that grip, it is almost impossible to regain control.
One thing I try to explain about a new relationship, when asked what is it like? How will our relationship be? My answer is everything will fall into place like dominoes , if the two of you click, it just happens.
When I am talking about rules or protocol, I go over everything, then I retract and go over each one and explain in detail, once I am fished, I ask if she has any questions. Tish told me know because I explained everything step by step.
You as a submissive or slave do not need 128 rules, out of the 25 I gave Tish probably only five or six were actual rules the rest were guidelines. I did not tell her she had to memorize each one. I told her to look at them at least once daily. The other day she forgot, so she got to stand in the corner and read them off to me. Then I sat her down and asked her to tell me which one really stuck out in her mind.
If you are not wired for pain, you do not have to take it. If you are not wired for humiliation, you do not have to take it. If you feel uncomfortable about how your Dom wants you to dress you have the right to question.
Okay so I do not know everything, this is true. While it is true I make all the decisions in our everyday life, I do from time to time make mistakes. I explained this to Tish as well, I want her to speak up, I want to hear her ideas. I am not that close minded, she may have a better or faster way of doing things.
I am a huge advocate when it comes to abuse, mental, physical, what ever the case. It makes me sick when two are in a long distance relationship, or my ball breaker someone who is married.To tell his sub or slave he was to busy to text, call, or drop an email. If your dominant tells you this, well you can see how far up the list your rank. A submissive or slave is number one and always should be.
After my post yesterday not one married Dominant made a comment, so I see where the back bone lays. I had very few comments, so I guess I hit a nerve with a lot of people.
There have been a few who have emailed Tish, she is somewhat shy but will answer, she just ask that nothing be posted on her blog, due to the nature of her blog and followers.
Do not take more than you can handle, you will not get use to it, nor can you be trained to accept pain and enjoy it.