Archive for the Shun Category

My Take On Domestic Discipline

Posted in abuse, Acceptance, anger, Arianna, bdsm, blog, Breaking Protocol, Breaking Rules, communication, Consensual, control, controlling, Conversation, Discipline, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Discipline, Domestic discipline. It is Okay to abuse your wife, Dominants, excommunicated, Honesty, Master, My House, passive, Protocol, punish, Punishment, relationships, Religion, Respect, Rules, Shun, slave, Spanking, Submission, submissive on October 23, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I believe from what I have read and the research I have done , Domestic Discipline is a christian based relationship. Both male and female grow up in a DD type household. I grew up in one my parents being Southern Baptist. My brother and I lived in a very strict home, but that is not where the trouble laid.

Although my father was a deacon in our church and a very respected member in our community there were very big dark secrets. Both parents drank very heavy , both were abusive to each other, even to the point of contact.

I would like to say I learned from their mistakes, I learned about a DD house at a very young age. I learned very early on that I was Dominant although in my teens I did not fully understand.  I knew I had to be in control, and  I knew my partner then had to be very passive, easy going, lady like, calm.

Now in my early years I did have a very bad temper, but never to the point of hitting a woman out of anger. At that time I knew nothing of BDSM but I would punish my partner. I would simply walk her to a corner or send her to the bedroom. There was never any contact.

It took me years to control my anger, my thoughts, and the difference between being in control and being controlling. I learned you were much better off talking than screaming.

I learned about BDSM while I was stationed in Korea, but there it was not called BDSM it was just Master and Slave.  I was introduced to an older gentleman named Kim. It was just by luck I fell into meeting him. I can say I did learn most of what I know from Kim. Learning the difference between being in control and not being controlling, learning to listen to someone and really taking it in. Learning you could Discipline from words and not by contact. Beating your slave or submissive is not always the answer.

So from a very young age I learned the way my parents lived and other I had interaction with was not the correct way of living. I wanted to treat my lady better. Even out in public you can see abuse even if it is just verbal, those memories never go away. Words do leave scars. Bruises go away words do not.

Now I am not saying every D’s relationship is perfect, nor am I saying every M’s relationship is perfect, because there are some fucked up Dominants, there are some fucked up men who give themselves titles.  There are Dominants who use the lifestyle as an open door to abuse. The same in just a plain Vanilla relationship abuse is very active today. It just so happens some of my readers in the past have posted about Domestic Discipline and the abuse that happens.

Not every time but most of the time if a male grows up in an abusive house he to will abuse. I have seen this, and I am sure many of you have.

In my church as a kid the woman was to be seen and not heard. Last year I met a Jehovah Witness who had been living in a DD run house and was abused very bad verbally , and even to the point her husband had her excommunicated from the church and her children, mother and father. Instead of being a man and trying to solve his own problems he had to run to elders and tell what his wife had done. What kind of religion does this to a mother? Wow now is this the way a DD house is ran ?

Here are a few scriptures from the bible this explains where many who are religious get their ideas about DD.

What is CDD?
A Domestic Discipline (DD) marriage is one in which one partner is given authority over the other, and has the means to back up that authority, usually by spanking. The application and practise of DD in each marriage is as unique as the individuals who make up that marriage. There is no “One Ring of Power” in the Domestic Discipline world, to which all DD couples must bow; no singular path to “true DD enlightenment”. What works well for one DD couple may not be a good fit for another marriage. Therefore, you may see many different suggestions espoused on this site and elsewhere.

A Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) marriage is simply a traditional, male-led, Christian marriage which utilises aspects of Domestic Discipline. It is set up according to Biblical standards.

Therefore, in a CDD marriage:

•The husband is the head of the household, whilst the wife is submissive to her husband as if the Lord Himself was her husband. See Eph. 5:22-24.
•The husband is to love his wife as himself, and as Christ loved the church. He is to be a servant, and leads by example. He is to lay down his life for her. See Eph. 5:25-29.
•The wife is to reverence her husband. She is to obey him, so long as his instructions are not in opposition to God’s commands. See Titus 2:5, Acts 5:29.
He has the ultimate authority in his household, but this authority is tempered with the knowledge that he will answer to God for his actions and decisions. The final decision rests with him, and therefore, the final responsibility, whatever the outcome, is his to bear. A wise husband will not make a major decision without prayerfully asking God for wisdom, and without seeking his wife’s counsel. Prov. 20:5

He is to be the head of the home. She is to be the heart of the home.

He is not a dictator. She is not a doormat.

He is not a overbearing Lord of the Estate, seeking to trample over his family. She is not some weak-minded lass, needing to be molly-coddled, or seeking to get straightened around.

He has the responsibility for leading his family and is accountable before God for their well-being and development. He has the authority to spank his wife for disciplinary reasons, but in real CDD marriages, this authority is taken quite seriously and usually happens rarely. Most CDD marriages do use spanking, generally for serious offences, such as the “Four D’s” (Disobedience, Disrespect, Dishonesty, or Dangerous [as in dangerous choices… reckless driving, disobeying doctor’s orders, etc]). Some CDD marriages also use non-corporal disciplines, such as writing lines, or the temporary forfeiture of a favourite privilege. Again, every marriage is unique, and CDD is much more than just corporal punishment or spanking.

CDD is not a “magic pill”, and this website does not claim CDD will prevent all marital rows. It is simply a tool, one method which many couples round the world feel is quite effective in strengthening their marriages, and improving the quality of their relationship.

CDD is the husband loving his wife enough to patiently guide and unselfishly cherish her.
CDD is the wife loving her husband enough to follow his leadership and trust his direction.
A Christian marriage should embody selfless love and true romance.
A Christian couple is to be a reflection of Jesus and His Bride.

I posted some time ago about Domestic Discipline and had a few readers respond, even a female submissive who grew up in a very abusive DD ran house. There are submissives who have posted about a DD ran house, so I am not the only one.

I myself have nothing against a DD ran home, as long as it does not consist of abuse, be it verbal or physical. As long as the man is in full control and not controlling. As far as that goes I am against any type of abuse in any home.

I have said this before and I will say it again. How can you expect your woman to cook, take care of the house, kids, pay bills, and lay on her back, and you abuse her ?

So after six months or so I had two people comment about my blog on Domestic Discipline  and just gave me hell up one side and down the other. Even saying I knew nothing of a DD ran home. Well the truth is I do, If you are going to comment at least leave me a way to contact you instead of blocking your blog. You are just wanting to have a one way conversation. You want to say your peace, but you have to have the last word, yea pretty fucked up. You want to start an argument  but not give anyone a chance to respond. Okay I am good with that.

Here are the post.

swl1 11h
The glaring flaw in this entire argument is the completely erroneous assumption that domestic discipline is something that is forced on an unwilling wife by an abusive husband.
In fact it would take only a minimal amount of easy research – I would suggest a few of the two or three hundred public domestic discipline blogs (mostly written by DD submissives) available on the internet as a starting point – to establish the fact that, not only is domestic discipline an entirely consensual private agreement between two adults, but that it is most commonly introduced into the relationship by the submissive partner. It should be noted that one of the operative words here is “adult”, meaning that DD neither extends to any children in the family nor, like the sexual activities of the parents, is the arrangement made known to them. In short, DD involves only the two consenting adults within the relationship and affects or hurts no-one else.
It is also not the case in any shape or form that the submissive partner in a DD cannot withdraw consent at any time if she finds that the dynamic does not work for her. I am sure it is the case that there are many relationships in which a women is forced and intimidated into remaining in a violent and abusive situation, but a consensual domestic discipline relationship is definitely not one of these.
It always surprises me greatly that so many people who would consider it a curtailment of their human rights and freedom of choice if they were told that they must restrict their private lives to the limits of someone else’s approval and desires, can at the same the time and in the absence of any research casually condemn the choices of others.

One other thing. I think that you will find that, in a DD relationship, any ‘hitting’ is confined entirely to spanking the bottom and that split lips, black eyes, etc, do not feature and would be considered abusive and out of place by anyone who practises genuine DD. You might also be surprised to learn that DD, even when used in punishment situation, more often than not has a strong undertone of eroticism (from the D/s interaction) which results in ‘reconnection’ by *mutual* sexual pleasure directly after the spanking.
Finally, while I have encountered a very few individuals who hold rigidly stereotypical views on what they think are typical D/s and M/s relationships, the great majority of people in the DD community, while not necessarily personally desirous of these kinds of relationships, have respect and acceptance for the dynamics and choices of those who do practise them.

Louise 36m
In the vast majority of DD relationships, it is the woman who actively desires this type of relationship, and often has some trouble persuading her husband or boyfriend to try it out. Those where the woman is persuaded into it by the man seem to form a very small minority from what I have read. You don’t really seem to know much about DD at all.
I am guessing both are males, I have yet to have a female post anything positive about a DD relationship. These are all male opinions , just as what I post is my own opinion. I am glad some disagree but please have the balls to let me rebuttal, please leave the door open to let me respond.

I can tell you how my house is ran, it is probably much like a DD ran home. I have rules that are followed, I have put structure into my home, as well as protocols.  I can also tell you that I have never raised my voice to my wife and Slave, I have never hit her nor have I ever talked down to her. My wife is very intelligent , beautiful , and is far from a doormat. I do allow her to speak and share her thoughts and ideas.  We also have a communication based relationship, okay so it sounds perfect, that is because it is.  My wife and Slave will also tell you I have never left a bruise on her.

DO NOT COME TO MY FUCKING BLOG AND COMMENT AND ME NOT HAVE AWAY TO AT LEAST RESPOND. I approved your comments and I replied If you are going to come to my HOUSE and run off at the mouth at least have a little respect.

Now I do understand there are some who are submissive who comment, and do not wish to be contacted, that I do understand. If you are a male commenting on a subject you have deep feelings about and you run off at the mouth, then fucking man up.

THIS IS MY HOUSE

Image

Vile

To Shun Or Not To Shun

Posted in abuse, bdsm, communication, control, controlling, Discipline, Dominants, Drama, extreme, Health, Married Dominant, Master, sharing, Shun, Sub Drop on November 11, 2012 by thekinkyworldofvile

I see topics from other blogs that tend to catch my eye, and some I find very interesting. Some I agree with, some I do not.

I have stated before you will never hear me speak badly of another Dominant. We all train different, we all have different expectations, we all have different goals, and needs.

I can tell you this. The lifestyle is about positive reinforcement. This is at least 85% of the relationship. then communication, and last but not least the kinky, you break the rest down, I hate fucking math.

In the lifestyle more so in the last 10 years or so, Sub-Drop has become an epidemic like a bad virus going around, yea I am going to blame it on the pansexual explosion , I have to blame somebody right?

Despite what most of you Dominants or subs think, Sub-Drop is preventable, I do not care if you believe me or not. If you stop and think when you do experience Sub-Drop you will see that I am correct as a matter of fact I am seldom wrong. Cocky Huh ?

Sub-Drop this happens when two are in a long distance relationship, I have seen this all to many times. I have been asked. Why am I feeling this way? Okay the Basic’s Subs and Slaves alike are needy, very needy. This is not a bad thing, go ahead and say I am not needy. Well your lying , that is the bottom line. In a long distance relationship there is noway your needs can be met. If you are seeing a Married Dom, you cannot tell me your needs are being met. The bottom line is, you are number two and will always will be. There are exceptions there are some who are happy with this arrangement, my hat goes off to you. If it does work for you, go for it, I am not here to judge anyone.

The Dominants drama, with the Ex, WTF in the last year this is a growing epidemic. A Dominant wants to control a sub, but his ex is controlling him, has him by the balls, and at the drop of a pin he will jump.Again if this is the life you want go for it.

No Aftercare, aftercare is just not needed after play, aftercare is an on going process, continuous aftercare more so after play will prevent sub-drop, on all levels. While it is true that after a hard session some just want to be left alone for a while, once the submissive has gathered her thoughts then you proceed with aftercare.

Discipline some need on a daily basis to keep in check, some need that attention, some crave that attention, if not giving again sub-drop.

When we as Dominants are going to punish for what ever reason, we have to make it clear, very clear, as to why we feel the need to punish. If we do not talk to, and give a complete understanding, yes again sub-drop.

Shunning is one of the most effective ways to punish a submissive. It kills her not only to know she has done something wrong, but to ignore, is a very heavy medicine. So before we do this, which I never have, we need to make it clear as to why we are doing so, and for how long.

We as Dominants want the responsibility, then we want all the kink as well. We want it yesterday. So there is a fine line we have to walk. We set the example, we lead, we chose this path, so we have to not only be Dominants, fair Dominants, but grown men as well. We are looked up to. We are looked to for guidance.

Some of the shit I read just fucking irks me to know end, but Vile keeps his mouth shut.

I will say this, if you the submissive chooses one or more of the paths I described above. Live with it. You made the decision, you went into the relationship with an open mind or at least I would think you would have. Or you did not ask the right questions from the start, or your scared to question your Dominant when that is your right. If you feel any of the above, it is your right to question, you have the right to make demands. You are not a doormat…… There is not one reason, when in a long distance relationship, why a Dominant cannot stay in daily contact, we are talking a five min phone call, a text, an email. Five minutes of their time.

One more thing this is true in most cases, if you are seeing a married Dominant, please do not think for one minute you are the only one on the side, because you are not. Okay I just pissed a lot of people off, why because I speak the truth.

There are some cases where both are married, it may work for both, it does not work for me. I could not carry that kind of guilt on my shoulders. Some are happy with that type of arrangement. Again my hat goes off to you. I can tell you this, if your time with your married Dom has dropped, for no reason, guess what you just moved to number three. You can agree or you can disagree.

ImageSo you choose to walk the stairs alone, or hand in hand.

Vile