Archive for the Submissive Category

You Want My Dominance

Posted in abuse, are you submissive, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, communication, relationships, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , , on March 26, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is just in general but I have posted in the past about a Dominant having to earn Submission, having to earn trust. Those are huge task and task that really takes dedication.

When we turn the page there is a very different view , a view into a whole different world. I myself work on a earn system , you want my Dominance you earn it. You learn to communicate… You learn to express your feelings , your needs.

Someone can only make a Decision based on the information giving.  We as Dominants are not mind readers , and I know myself I am not willing to put that much effort if the other party is not willing to do the above.

BDSM is not just about sex although many think along those lines. There are those who are that simple minded, or those who have no set goals in life or those who do not wish to better themselves.

We are only giving one life , one thing that is for sure we do not know when the end is coming.

You as a submissive or slave expects the Dominant to give 110% , why would you think a Dominant would expect any less?

The kink is good , the bondage , the cock sucking , spanking , humiliation, but all of this comes with requirements from both.

There are just as many women who abuse men as there are men who abuse. In my day I have met some gold digging bitches. I have met those who lied and knew they were lying and just looking into their eyes and agreeing. I was thinking how stupid they would feel if they knew they were lying to me.

I was not born yesterday my degree comes from the street. At a younger age I learned early on to watch , listen and observe. I knew how I wanted to turn out and how I did not want to.

You wake one morning and hit a website on submission and all of a sudden you are on a mission from hell. You join dating sites even like Match hoping to find a Dom , you join kinky sites in hopes of finding the right one. The thing is nothing is going to fall from the sky and in comes a knight in shinning armor. If you are not willing to put a little effort in looking you are going to end up with the wannabes , the abusers. You wont listen to anyone even when asking for advice then you find yourself in a car sucking cock and pushed out the door when he blows his load in your mouth.

If you want something you have to work for it, if something is just giving there is no appreciation , there is no value, there is no need.

You spend hours sitting on the couch with your cell in hand waiting on that text , that email and in the end it never comes.

Getting your ass beat does not equal submission , sucking cock or taking it up the ass does not equal submission… That may be your way of submitting and if it is you are very sad.

You can be submissive but giving up that control is a different subject. You have to be able to share your thoughts and needs. Putting on a collar means absolutely  nothing if it was not earned.

You want a relationship that has meaning , you want a relationship that has substance. You want to be able to reach out and touch.

No one is going to rescue you , if a Dom is willing to tackle such a relationship it is to feed his own ego. All decisions come with choices and consequences. Rescuing you will fix nothing and entering a relationship when your life is just fucked up is not fair. I will not fix you , I can give advice , I can give you my opinion it is up to you to decide what is right and what is wrong.

There are those who have known nothing but being miserable , depressed , drama infected, Problematic you create your own poison then you want someone to clean up your mess.

You have to be willing to give all , while I do not fully understand those who live as a part time submissive I do respect that if it is you. If you are a bedroom submissive be up front and truthful.

It is easy to fake it till you make it but that will only last so long. You may have good intentions but no idea what path you are wanting to take or no idea who you are.

You have to need rules , you have to need structure , you have to need protocols , you have to be willing to work and build a relationship. You have to have the need to be trained.

There are those who have been used as a object your entire life and know no better, you are not able to see the mistakes but still wonder what is wrong.

There are those who move from one abusive relationship to another not knowing any better or how to fix it. Maybe it just seems like to much work or will take to much effort. Your drawn to the same type of men expecting things to turn out different.

I use to think that if a M’s or D’s relationship ended it was the Doms fault but it can fall on the submissive.

Dominance is a gift just as Submission it has to work the same on both sides of the fence.

In my home it is my way and my way only , if I need advice or maybe looking for another idea then I ask, but in the end I make the final decision.

In the end just be you.

You Are A Submissive No You Are A Slave

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, are you submissive, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, Dominance Through Intimidation, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master & Slave, relationships, Self-identification, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , , on March 11, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

The world is full of stupid people , we all know stupid cannot be fixed. The world is full of idiots , again cannot be fixed. We all know the world is full of Predators again cannot be fixed. The world is full of abusers and once a abuser always a abuser. The world is full of rapist , again cannot be fixed. The world is full of pedophiles yes very sick but cannot be fixed.

The above our medical professionals say all of these people can be fixed , well with the exception of stupid and idiots. We can give medication , we can send to rehab , and we can offer group meetings and regular appointments but the truth is those people are poison.

Then we move into the world of BDSM a world like our universe that has no end and we have the capability of stepping into other worlds, we have the capability of experimenting , we have the capability to explore new and decide where we fit in.

Wikipedia

BDSM is a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other related interpersonal dynamics. Given the wide range of practices, some of which may be engaged in by people who do not consider themselves as practicing BDSM, inclusion in the BDSM community or subculture is usually dependent on self-identification and shared experience.

Look at the word Self-identification because it will come up again soon in my post it is very important.

As much as I would like to believe I am not perfect, yea I know a big pill to swallow but it is true.  While I am close to perfection I do mess up every now and then but when I do it is usually something I have no control over. When it does happen I take a step back I rethink things and I move on with a different plan.

Where am I going with this ? I did not just wake up one morning and say hey I am a Dominant , or a Master titles are really useless if they are not acknowledge in a form or respect from someone other than you.

It took years for me to evolve , years to learn and learning from mistakes and yes I made the same mistake more than once before I learned it was not someone else it was me.

It took me years to be able to self identify so I could determine the direction I wanted to go , still stumbling and making mistakes.

I just like you had to go through a Self-identification process , while others were trying to tell me who and what I was. Self-identification is not a over night process and it a process that one has to put a great deal of thought and soul searching.

The thing that makes it a hard rode to follow are the fine people I mentioned above. The stupid , the idiots, the predators , the rapist,he abusers and in some cases the pedophiles. You have to think smart and keep your emotions packed away because the above mentioned will hurt you .

You meet a Dom on a dating site , maybe craigslist , maybe in a chatroom. You talk for a while then you agree to meet and twenty minutes into the conversation he is telling you who and what you are. You are not a submissive you are a slave really? This dude has been talking twenty minutes and he has you figured out , while he has no clue what your favorite color is , what your favorite movies are , the foods you like and he has already made a determination on who and what you are. He knows nothing about your family or upbringing , the kind of friends you have.

The things he does know is if you swallow , if you take it up the ass , if you are into humiliation oh and if you are Bi sexual if not willing to try.

Self-identification  The act of identifying yourself as a particular kind of person. Knowing and understand who and what you are. Being able to communicate with others about who and what you are and what you not only want out of life but what you expect.

Self-identification requires self thought and understanding on many different levels. A good example , your are a Slave , um no I am submissive. Now this is not to say as you grow while in a relationship you could have growth or something may inspire you to explore the option of entering such a world.

You cannot chat with someone or meet someone once or twice and the Dominant come to a conclusion of where you fit in the lifestyle. In order to make that kind of determination someone would have to know you inside out.

So questions that come to mind , why do you think I am a Slave ? How do you know I am a Slave? What are you going to get out of such a relationship ? What are your goals in a Master / Slave relationship ? Once confronted chances are there will be no answer , chances are anger will come out simply because you questioned his experience ..

I went through a rather long process of Self-identification , figuring out who and what I was about a year. First I had to understand me , then I had to understand what I wanted out of this one life I was giving. At this point and time in my life I had hit rock bottom, going through the guilt , the poor me self pity , the whole world was against me when in fact I was against myself. My problems were self inflicting , I myself created a mess I had to figure out how to clean up. I spent a year alone , dating from time to time just for the companionship someone to talk to. Many times we settle for less just for the companionship and security knowing it is not going to work , but it works for the moment and time..

Self-identification never let someone try and take this from you it changes your whole identity , it changes your whole world and you will not be happy.

I have never figured out why so many are stuck on titles , I am assuming that is why some try to put you in a category , you are slave and I am Master. The word Master puts him on a different ego cloud, his chest swells so much he can hardly breath and when you come back I am not a slave I am submissive the chest then begins to deflate. Anger comes out he then starts to get aggression , this is a side you have not seen and it should be a warning sign. I hate the word red flag , red flag has no meaning , anything can be labeled as a red flag. When you talk to others they will say oh he does not text back immediately  that is a red flag you should dump him.

Being able to see and understand if you are just being used , used as a toy , a fuck toy. You find yourself on your knees most of the time sucking dick or getting your ass beat for a couple of hours a month and never hearing from him. Doing things you never thought you would , sending pics and videos which you have and were totally against. What are the benefits of such actions unless it is just a control thing ?

I said once before every morning when you wake you stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom and take a deep look. Then you wash your face and make to bad go away and bring in the good.. I guess kinda like the wax on wax off.

If you are knew to the lifestyle you know absolutely nothing. You have spent hours reading and what you are reading is someones opinion and you don’t even know if it is true. You spend hours chatting in BDSM rooms most of the Dominants their are web Doms who are single and will remain single. There are Doms making unrealistic demands , demands you call them Sir or Master. He gets your phone number you both masturbate then he has to go. The whole conversation zeros in around sex and nothing more he has not intentions of moving nor do you because you want to find someone next door.

If you want something you have to be willing to put effort into getting what you want. You have to be willing to work for what you want. If something is just given there is no respect for it.

After the Self-identification process and you meet your prospective owner your job has not ended because now you have to negotiate your relationship at this time you are able to make demands , you have to explain who you are and what you need out of a relationship. It is very important you stick to your needs and not give in. He will then make his demands and you need to listen and ask questions.

The insecure Dom , this are the ones who show anger , do not trust, want all of your passwords. You are accused of cheating , you cannot do anything right. You are not a true submissive. Most of the time it is just verbal , humiliation , mental but at times it can get physical. All of this is abuse but once it gets physical it will never stop. The insecure Dom will not communicate , he will not talk or listen. At this time you sit him down and say look things are going to change or I will make changes for you.  Stand your ground.

If you want some good information bestslavetraining.com

Self-identification never let someone tell you who or what you are.

Interview With A Dominant

Posted in 24/7, bdsm, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , , on February 15, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

A couple of years ago the interviews were a regular part of my blog but as time went by it was hard finding someone who would take part. Promises Made Promises Broken.

I find the interviews very educational because it gives you a peak into someones life…

This awesome interview comes from a fellow blogger who lives in a Master , Slave relationship 24/7…

Every Dominant is different , each has different views , different needs and different goals.

Each Submissive or Slave is different , each has different needs , some may have an idea  but need direction. Most are looking for just a few things in a relationship , security , trust, assurance and stability. There are many who need structure in their life, many who need daily direction , rules and accountability.

 

https://livingwithx.wordpress.com/

So here we go enjoy

 

(1) When did you first becomes interested in the lifestyle, and what degree did you want to take it?

Well, that would depend on what we mean as the lifestyle.. I have always been kinky. It started at an extremely early age.. Six I would say.  I was aware of sex and it fascinated me.  But in my child’s mind, I couldn’t figure out how a man could ever stick his “thing”, into a woman, and she would just let him. So in my child mind, my first fantasies began with rope, and bondage. My first apartment had rope.  My first house had a water bed with rings at all four corners.  I used to keep blanket strips, neatly rolled up beside the bed.  They make lovely ties.. So soft and yet so tight and strong.  You really have to try bondage with blanket strips sometime.  My first slave was I want to say around age 26.  She wanted to be an alpha slave with other women slaves.  I went looking in Manhattan, which is only around a hundred miles from here, for that kind of scene.  I did it all.. Orgies, and threesomes, and nudist parks.. Anything for a thrill, but it was always about control, about me getting my own way… I would always work the question.. Do you swallow.. Into a date…if the answer was no, there would be no second date.  Some things I have never compromised on.  But to answer your question, there has never been a time I thought about girls, and didn’t want absolute control.

(2) Why do you think those in the lifestyle are quick to judge others?

Now that is an interesting question.  You would think we would be less quick wouldn’t you?  I think I first have to ask, is it true that we are quick to judge each other?  My answer would be, you don’t have to be in any Fetlife group for long to see it, do you?  Throwing a question or strong opinion  in to Fet is a bit like throwing raw meat into a cage of wolves. I think that passion is no different from politics for a reason.  There are and always have been two basic groups of human motivations.. The hunters and the gatherers.  The hunters are, individuals who fiercely seek independence, conquest, recognition, and freedom from any other power.  They lean towards the Dominant side, and prefer politics that don’t interfere in their life, even at the cost of things that may help them. The other group are the gatherers, and they prefer to work together, they believe the collective is stronger, that some sacrifices of personal freedom are necessary to achieve these important objectives.  They lean towards the submissive side, and their politics seeks the greater good for all, believing that it is the group’s right to distribute more evenly the spoils of effort.  Now these two sides are locked in a battle to define what is right, since the dawning of mankind  The hunters will say, this slave is mine, I define what that means.  And the gatherers will say, we need more compassion, more room for people to express their self identity. Then some hunters see the wisdom of this argument and get behind this idea and back it.. But then some gatherers see the unhappiness this creates and side with their favorite hunter..  People begin picking sides, either for their belief or their alliances. I mixing metaphors here, I know, but what I am saying is that we are very passionate people, with strong alliances, that share strong beliefs about how things should work.  Humanity has been fighting to make a perfect world for a very, very long time.  What we should be doing is perfecting ourselves.  We just never seem to realize that utopia is not a place where individuals design the perfect society, but where society is designed to let the individual to perfect themselves. Now can go back to fighting about how to do that…

(3) I assume you keep your lifestyle private, do you have friends who share the same interest ?

The best way to answer your question is to say this.  I am very private in public, and I am very personal in private.   It’s a question of choosing my audience.  I’ve been in very public roles before and I know first hand that the larger the segment of any community you reach, the more guarantee that you will reach the fringe groups.  In any population a very small percentage is nuts and trust me, you really don’t want to have to deal with them. I’ve been there.  Here is the thing: How you say a thing can be as important as what you say. If what you have to say is going to reach people, first you need to know your audience.. Leaders listen and speak last, for all of these reasons.  So in public, I am speaking to an audience I don’t know personally and who doesn’t know me personally.. So I write about the things I think are true and meaningful but in a broader sense.  But in private there is trust and honesty and it becomes personal.  I have many friends in the community and I trust them to have my back as I would have theirs. Most of my friends are in the community.  I have found over time that my obsession with BDSM has driven away all but one good friend who is not in the community.. And that is OK.  You don’t know your real friends until your friendship is tested.  That one nilla friend, is a good and decent person, and a buddy for life.

3b) Why are you not active in the community?

Hmm not sure where that idea came from.  I would say that I am active on many levels. I have my Dominant Support Group in Fet, I sometimes help with local support groups, I’ve done workshops, and I was most recently a judge at the North East Power exchange competition.  That being said, I used to be more active.  I was well know for fire play but I backed off that because of a thing called “the carnival ride”.  When you are known for some talent then you can have five or six scenes lined up each night.  It gets old being the carnival ride.  So I more or less retired from that and withdrew a bit.  I spend more time now with my slave, than being a local public figure.  So many people have stepped up to fill the gaps in workshops and training, I don’t feel like I have anything unique to add.  What’s the point I ask myself.  Maybe I am underselling myself, but then I don’t need to grab all that attention to know who and what I am.. It’s enough that a few people honor me with the title of MasterX.  After all, the only titles of value are those acquired thru recognition by others. One claims that title by exercising that recognition, not asserting it.


(4) Being a Dominant what is it you get out of your relationship ?

Hmmm power!  I swear.. The most beautiful women walk through our local Dungeon naked, gorgeous, and sexy  and ol’ Johnson doesn’t so much as stir..  But, and this is the funny part, some guy in a McDonald’s will say “Yes Sir” and there it is, that tingle.  Now if a really cute girl whispers it, stand back, cause Johnson’s on duty.  There is a this electricity when my slave Izrina is shy, or on her knees.  I can’t explain why i feel it, maybe some of us are just wired this way.  I think so.. I often say this is an orientation, not a lifestyle.  I just feel alive when i have her submission.


(5) Being with your partner I am going to assume you were a couple for sometime, before taking that first step. Who’s idea was it to take that first step ?

Actually no.  We didn’t start out as a couple.  I was a lone wolf prowling the bars.  I love to dominate on a pool table you see.  I am fascinated with the level of control I can exercise over the balls, and when that leads to beating all challengers, well, what’s not to understand about my attraction?  Now Izrina had another name when I met her, and she showed interest in me.. The dark dominating fellow that I was.. I explained to her that I could never be interested in someone like her, which of course I had to explain.  I sent her to watch the movie Secretary, and then to a submissive site, and when she didn’t shy away, I took her to munches, and then dungeons.  I gave her a collar of consideration finally, but there was a but..   A person sometimes becomes something else to be with you.  Maybe your girl pretends to like football.. And you love her because you can share your love of football with her.. Then after you are married she hates football and you can’t understand why you are growing apart.. Well Izrina was a nilla.  I needed to know that she had a slave’s heart.  So I tested, and asked and tested and asked until one day she begged me to stop asking.. Yes!  I have a slave heart.. Yes I want to be your property.. No I am not doing this to be with you, I am doing it for me.  It was after that she got her training collar, and her slave name..


(6) Do you consider yourself to be a Strictly Bedroom Dom, or has it moved to a 24/7 relationship?

Oh God – no bedroom Dom for me.   You know they say that when sex is good it’s 10 percent of the relationship and when its bad its 90?  Well sex will always be a ten percent for a number of reasons.  Not that I am not a horny little fucker, and not that she isn’t, it’s just that I get more from the power dynamic all day long, than I can ever get from sex, all day long. Let me give you an example..  Just walking from the livingroom to the car we can tick of over a half dozen protocols.. 1- I put on her coat and free her hair, she isn’t allowed to 2- I get the door for her  3- She waits in the hallway for me to pass so she can walk behind me and to my right 4&5, we repeat for another door, 6- I open the car door for her 7- I lean into her personal space, to tighten her safety belt… Now while I am walking around the car, as anticipatory service, she will power up and set the GPS..  And that was just three minutes of our day.  It’s like this all day long.  And It makes me smile constantly.. And the same with her.  Sometimes we just grin at each other because we both feel it, the electricity of Domination and submission. Nothing is happening that anyone can see, and yet we both have that tingle.  It’s just fucking awesome when you get the right person!


(7) Do you have any rules or protocols in place. if so was it your idea to implement the rules?

We absolutely have these.  These are what give meaning to our lives, it is what helps us feel the power exchange all the time without even trying.  We two rituals and they are both designed around Izrina realizing her happiness as a slave.  We have two rules and these are about touch.  I strongly believe in the power of touch. Rule one requires her to always be touching me when she is in my presence.  I believe at last count we had 25 protocols. We also have something I call structure.. Not really rules or protocols, it more how I like things around the home.  I have a touch of OCD.  Everything must be in its proper place.  Spoons to the right of the knife, forks to the left, even in drawers.  Stuff like that.  The “structure” of how i want things to be doesn’t neatly fall into the other categories, but it’s important to me, so I have a name for it.  I don’t think Izrina has ever suggested a protocol..  Hmm maybe something that started as anticipatory service became a protocol, but nothing jumps to mind.  I do need to add this… I never want one of these to be in place and me not remember to enforce it.. I can’t imagine something worse for a slave than to get away with breaking a ritual, rule or protocol, and not being called on it.  We try to keep it simple, so I don’t hurt her this way.

(8) Last what advice would you give to couples who are thinking about taking that step into a D’s lifestyle

Do it!  (laughs)  Seriously though. I wish more people could see the box they put their hearts in when they draw boundaries.  In Ds, the boundaries disappear.  Its raw, and you are risking a lot, but you can’t reach these heights if you aren’t willing to take a risk!  And power exchange.. Don’t get me started.  How can two people decide everything together with two votes?  There is no tie breaker in that vote and it is bound to lead to arguments.  You want equality?  Great.. Use power exchange to achieve it within that two votes thing.. One of you is in charge of this, and the other is in charge of that.  Look.. someone has to be in charge or nothing works.  Power exchange is the natural order of things.  If you are seeing this, then do it, figure it out and make it work.  Even if you end up splitting areas of responsibility at least you stepped into a better more sane world.  After this truth dawns on you, everything else is easy.

Xtac and I are somewhat alike , we both run a very strict home with rules and protocols…

Rules And Training

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, cock sucking, codependent, Collar, communication, compatibility, Dominant, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, MAST, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Protocols, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Submissive being used, training your slave on January 17, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

I get emails from Submissive’s and Slaves asking me questions about training and rules. Meeting Doms for the first time.

You meet on a dating site you send messages back and forth and the Dom hounds you for your phone number until you give in.

The first questions are how long have you been in the lifestyle, you state you are new to the lifestyle but you want to learn. BOOM first mistake you are hooked. You start texting back and forth hes not really asking questions about you he is more interested in what you’re limits are , are you bi sexual ? Do you swallow ? Do you do anal ? What is the shortest skirt you own ? Do you ever go without panties ? How often do you masturbate ?

So after being hounded you agree to meet because you are tired of the pressure. The place is classy probably a Denny’s in the corner . He has instructed you to wear a short skirt with no panties. You have second thoughts but agree after all you want to make a good impression. You are instructed certain time to text because the Dom is busy with work and works really crazy hours and when you do text most of the time it takes several hours to get a response or even a day or so.

When you meet the Dom still knows very little about you or you’re family and friends , what you enjoy doing in you’re spare time, music or food , just the kink side of things.

You are instructed not to make eye contact and you are told to address him as Sir. He does most of the talking mainly because you are afraid to ask any questions even though some of it does not sound right.

He spends a great deal of time just talking about himself , and bragging about everything he has done and ask very few questions about you.

Most likely hew ill pull out a collar he bought at Walmart or petco and throws it at you and you are now owned..

Now you’re training starts you walk out and get his car he unzips his pants and you are instructed to suck his cock. Keep in mind you have no clue who this dude really is, you have no clue where he lives because you do not have his address, you don’t even know where he works, and you are about to suck his dick.

You know in you’re mind this cannot possibly be right because you are seeking more but you will blow him just to please. These are guys who do not have a clue nor do they care about you or the out come.

The most difficult about training is being able to sit down and out a plan together. What worked with the last relationship will not work on the next. Every Slave or Submissive has a different personality , they have different needs and the out come of the training will be different.

You’re questions , why do you want to train me ? What is the end goal you have in mind ? What am I going to get out of you’re training ? What are you going to get out of training me ? Now this next question will stump a Dom who has no clue. What are you’re protocols public and private ? What type of structure will you provide? Do you have any Ex issues ? That is a huge biggie many Ex’s still have a hold on his belt. Am I going to come first ? Will I have 24/7 access to you ?

A few of the first questions a Dom will ask before even knowing you’re favorite color is are you Bi ? Are you poly ? Do you mind if I see other women ? What are you’re limits ? That is usually the first or second question believe it or not. Do you swallow ? Yes a lot of women do not. Do you like Anal sex? Everything is about sex and nothing about you.

To train you is to know you , You say you are a Slave but maybe you are not sure so there are questions that has to be asked and you have to be completely honest.

To train you is to know you , how you think , what makes you think the way you do, you’re habits , the likes , the dislikes what areas if any need improvement.

This should be you’re train of thought , although I have needs not wants but needs , my main purpose is to serve and please. The train of thought should be if my Dom is happy I am happy. Second you have to be sure you are getting the whole package.

There was a conversation about training but you enter the relationship and nothing changes. The only thing that has changed is he is barking out orders and he likes to beat you.  This is where communication comes in you should and have the right to ask questions, you have the right to get answers. If you ask a question and you get yelled and it happens on a regular basis then maybe you need to rethink you’re situation. Never I mean never let feelings get in the way of happiness that will fuck you up every time.

You have to be truthful from the start , if you tell the Dom you love being fucked up the ass and when it comes time and you freak out it will not be good. Honest you have to be honest and not honest just to please.

The Dominant has to be honest , once rules are giving out they are set in stone. Down the road a Dom may revisit the rules and maybe there is one he feels you  do not need any longer. Once rules are in place a Dominant will not change just because he wants to punish you. The truth is a Submissive or Slave will strive to be the best they can be. Mistakes do happen I know this and so do other Dominants.  If a Dominant has enough protocols in place very few rules are needed if any. Protocols are the driving force of structure.

When you first meet a Dominant you meet on you’re terms and you’re terms only , you can even go as far as picking the place somewhere on public. You pick what you are going to wear and how you will address him. Many will demand that you call them Sir. That right is earned after you have full respect for them and not until. Submission is earned not giving. Most Doms who have no clue will try to give you a collar. This shows the fuck is a total idiot and nothing more. The collar is picked up from a pet store or walmart and is just tossed across the table and you are told to put it on, you are now owned lets start you’re training.

I have had failed relationships some I did not care about others I lost sight of direction, or I was stumped and had no idea which way to go. I knew what I wanted and needed but had no idea how to get there. I could picture the type of relationship I wanted but was stuck in first gear. Most relationships at that time were just a matter of convenience. I had pussy on a daily basis and someone to suck my cock. I knew going in it would not last and would only be around until I got bored or she got to clingy.

A dominant is not born over night , it is not something you just wake up one morning and say hey I want a submissive. There is growth , the wisdom, learning to control the anger , and finding ways to divert the anger to funnel it out of your system. Learning words are far worse than being physical. Bruises go away words do not, not that I condone being physical no man should ever hit a woman out of anger.

Observation , asking questions , thousands of questions , Observing , learning , communication , learning how the submissive thinks learning what they think the way they do. Learning their habits , their needs, their wants. Tv , music, hobbies, reading the submissive like a book. Once you have that down you can begin their training. Training that will be effective , training that will benefit both.

You Guys , you Dominants , Masters you can have anything you want , you can have anything you need, you can have anything you have ever dreamed of, it just takes a little effort on your behalf. You have to be willing to put as much time into building the relationship as you want out of it. One thing you cannot take more than you give, if you do it will never work..

Good Info. http://bestslavetraining.com/

 

 

The Poly Master And Poly Slave

Posted in bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, Dominant and Submissive, Long Distance Relationships LDR, Poly Relationship, Slave, Submissive with tags , , , on December 18, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

In the past few years I have seen the poly community really grow, most who are poly belong to rather large families. Some are Dominant , some are submissive and some are just kink based. My philosophy is if it works for you then it works, if it is working that means you are in a good place.

Then when it comes to a Dominant or Master there is a huge difference but again it is what works for you. How Dominant are you ? How submissive are you? How kinky are you ? In most cases it boils down to being with family, someplace that is secure and safe.

So we look at the whole picture , how can a submissive serve more than one Dominant ? My thoughts are each Dominant has their own rules , structure , and protocols. My other question is if the two do not live together how does one maintain control ? In my eyes and this is just my thoughts if I cannot reach out and touch I cannot control. Being in control is not a want it is a need , being in control of my life and surroundings is a need even at work.

A Master and poly is something you do not see very often. The poly slave is not something you see very often. I myself am very protective , what is mine is mine you can look but you cannot touch. Most Slaves are very possessive , most slaves have one focus and that is serving the one they are owned by.

I have known Masters in the past who would pass their property around like a bag of pop corn and think nothing of it. As I sat back and watch I am thinking how can he truly love her? Maybe it is power or ego , humiliation ?

I believe and this is only me if I cannot reach out and touch someone on a daily basis training cannot be effective.

Training a submissive or slave long distance will almost fail 99% of the time. The Master has no real idea if certain task are being done or what the slave is really thinking. No phone call can replace a facial expression or that look coming from their eyes. Training is changing ones way of thinking and in order to do so the Master has to be consistent on a hourly basis , daily and weekly.

How can a slave possibly serve more than one Master with each having different ideas , structure , protocols and rules.

When I think of Poly and family’s not living together I think of kink and nothing more again this is just my thoughts and I do not judge those who live the lifestyle.

I myself thrive off of the control , the control is a need but it is not to the point og controlling.

While many use fear to dominate , many use humiliation, many use a form of degrading making one feel worthless , that is a form of forced submission and the Master has gained absolutely nothing , most of all he has not gained respect.

We as Masters when we take on a relationship we now have two we have to think about and sometimes three.

I live in a closed Triad meaning we are a closed family and we never step out to see others. Finding the right one was no easy task and it took over a year to find the right fit. That is a different blog.

If the poly family is happy with their situation then so be it we are no one to judge.

Dominants are more likely to share their partner than a Master will , most Master are very possessive when it comes to their property.

To be in full control you need to be face to face very few LDR relationships work long term. If you have no plans on either one making that move you are just wasting your time.

Training is never really over , there is daily maintenance ,  communication , and keeping everything in check. I have said this a hundred times the Master has to be consistent and consistent on a daily basis.

My experience most Poly Doms are actually Tops, Dominant in the bedroom and once out just vanilla in a lot of ways, this does not apply to everyone but from my experience this seems to be true..

I like to be in control and full control of my home and surroundings , I want to know what is going on, because I can only make the right decision based on the information giving to me.

You may be happy living in a poly relationship however most do not live together, in fact looking on Fetlife …

We all have to be who we are to be happy in life , we all have to be who we are so we may move forward in life.

BDSM is the only lifestyle where everyone is wrong no one is right. People are quick to judge but their life is falling apart , or kinda like going to church and when you leave everyone is talking about everyone else..

However I would think there would come a time when a submissive or a Dom would like to settle down..

The Poly Master

Posted in bdsm, Master And Slave, Slave, Submission, Submissive on December 4, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have been working on this blog for a while. Sorry I have not been around but I will post tomorrow 12/4/16

vile

A Married Dominant Will Destroy You

Posted in 24/7, Acceptance, BBW, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Relationships, communication, Dominant and Submissive, Master and slave relationship, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , , , on November 21, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

The married Dom who lives two separate lives , one with his wife who thinks everything is just fine, watching the kids play games or attending school functions , then there is the other side.

His wife is not really into kinky sex, his wife does not suck cock , his wife does not do anal. His wife would think he was sick if he was to bring up the dark side he was thinking about.

The married Dominant is most likely addicted to porn and finds it really hard to have sex with his wife now. Porn is an outlet for him. Now do not get me wrong I do indulge from time to time if something comes to mind, but in my years for what ever reason I have stopped watching so much.

More than often the Married Dominant who cheats brings it on himself , the lack of communication , caring , giving up afraid to express his feeling , or feeling neglected . There is one thing for sure no matter how bad he thinks he has it , there is no way he will leave the security and safety net his wife has built. There is no way he will give up everything more so if children are involved. He will not leave his wife.

The married Dominant is insecure he has a low self esteem. Think about it if he cannot run his own house how can he control someone else.

With the above brings you nothing but drama , his insecurity’s will be passed onto you. He will not trust you, he is cheating and he will think the same of you. The Dominant will demand passwords to all of your accounts and at times you’re banking information.

Sex is more about abuse and at times can be very Violent. The only time you ever go out is the first meeting and you sit there listening to unrealistic demands adding stress to you. While talking you notice how he keeps watching his watch or phone.

The meeting ends either going to a motel or you sucking his cock in the parking lot, yea part of you’re training.

The training starts with you sending pics and short videos , self anal training , and a daily journal which he will never read.

You are just entering the lifestyle and you have this thing called Sub Frenzy , the mind races a hundred miles an hour, you cannot think straight and you are believing everything you are being told by one man.

The first words he speaks is always be honest and truthful never lie , but the truth is the relationship has already started out in a lie on his end at least.

There will come a time when you will find out the Dom you look up to is married. Then he sits you down and almost cries giving you a sob story about how big of a bitch his wife is. She does not understand him, the sex is no good or the most famous line is his wife knows and does not care.

At first everything is going smooth he will make you feel like a princess until he gets comfortable and thinks you are hooked.

The attitude changes pretty fast he will become short tempered with you, he will call you names and tell you how worthless you are, how you are nothing with out him. The truth is you only spend a couple of hours a month with your new Dominant and those times are spent on you’re knees or on your back.

You will sit on the couch all balled up holding you’re cell phone waiting on a text an email or maybe even a call. You text you email but you dare not call , and only when you get to see him in person he explains work has been busy and he did not have time to text you or call.

You can forget Birthdays , Thanksgiving , Christmas you will either be with family or friends if allowed , while he is at home with the wife and kids cooking out with the smiths next door. He will never take you out in public in fear of being seen.

You’re friends are cut off , he does not want you speaking with other Dominants or submissive’s . You will find yourself alone sitting and waiting.

You as a submissive has rights but you do not know this, you are afraid to ask questions, in fear of losing the relationship you think you have.

You will give all of your passwords to someone you hardly know, in the back of you’re mind you know something is not right but you do it in fear of losing the relationship you think you have.

Being a Dominant brings on a great deal of responsibility , being a Dominant means you are available 24/7 no questions asked. That is what you deserve and that is what you should demand.

Remember a part time Dominant does not deserve full time submission , the relationship is not a one way street. Before entering a relationship both of you need to sit down and make sure you are both on the same page, you both have the same needs and kinks. Just because he is a Dominant does not mean he is the right Dominant for you.

If the married Dominant cannot run or rule his own home, how can he fulfill the needs you have , how can he possibly control you?

You are a piece of ass and nothing more, there are no feelings , there is no love and no caring you are a piece of ass and nothing more. I promise you the first time you need him and you call or text he will not be there.

When all is said and done you have lost most if not all of the friends you once had, you can kiss you’re self esteem good by and maybe you’re bank account because he had all of you’re passwords.

You ask for advice but you do not listen because of the sub rush going on even when you are told the situation is fucked up you still do not listen until it is to late.

The above may not bother you , you may be okay with the arrangement and if that works for you then so be it but for the majority it does not..

What do you want out of life or a relationship ? How many months or years will you continue to make the same mistakes ?

If you feel something is not right or you see the warning signs and you do nothing then it is all on you, you have no room to go crying to others and expect someone to feel sorry for you.

Be smart take time , entering a D’s or M’s relationship is a long interview asking questions and listening and making sure the answers you are getting are clear. Making sure you know where you stand and what to expect. Making sure you have 24/7 access.

A dominant cannot just meet you and want to give you rules. A Dominant cannot say lets start training, without even knowing you. Training in the lifestyle is tailored towards an individual every submissive is different there for training will be different.

You want to find out if the Dom is really interested in you ? Stay off you’re knees and keep you’re legs closed, see how long he will hang around..

Vile