Archive for the Top and Bottom Category

The Difference Between A Master And A Dominant

Posted in 24/7, Argue, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Behavior Modification, being used, Bestslavetraining.com, blog, Collar, Collared Slave, Collars, communication, Consensual, consistent, control, Dominance, Dominants, extreme, Flogger, Franco Bolli, Local events, Master, Masters, Molding, owning a slave, Pansexual, Protocol, punish, Punishment, serve, session, slave, Slave no rights, submissive, The Difference Between A Master And A Dominant, Top and Bottom, Vile on December 25, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I ran across an Article this am I found on a website I hope you enjoy.

http://www.denversub.com/labels.html

I suppose you could debate the two, who is who and what is what, but if you really think about the difference , the two are only similar in a small aspect of the lifestyle. While Both are Dominant 95% of the time the two live in two totally different worlds.

I will also cover the difference between a slave, submissive and a bottom. All three are very different and all three have different needs.

A Master Is certainly a Dominant , but not all Dominants are Master, within the local community. The term Master is usually those who live with a slave on a 24/7 basis. The title if we were giving one is mostly giving to those who are highly recognized within the community . I do believe that the Master and Slave is wired much different than lets say a Dominant and his submissive. I am not saying one is better than the other, or one has an advantage over the other, our lifestyle are just different.

The Dominant and Submissive. The Submissive , only submits when they choose, the play sessions are talked over before play, The Submissive will say what is allowed and what is not. The submissive will follow some rules but usually in the bedroom only. Once out of the bedroom there is still a Dominance and submissive feeling but not as noticeable as it was during play.

A Master / Slave relationship the Slave Submits once and only once giving up full control over their life. The only rights are those giving to them by there owner or Master, again the is mostly in a 24/7 relationship. The slave gets pleasure from serving their owner, be it helping with the shower, undressing , cooking, cleaning, and yes sexually. Sex between Master and Slave the Slave is more concerned with their owner receiving pleasure than their self, knowing their Master is pleased, is what brings on the feelings they are seeking.

Last night I logged onto FaceBook and I started chatting with another Dominant who also has a blog on wordpress. Franco Bolli. We were talking about the Holidays and he brought this subject up to me, he said.

For me there is a difference between a Master and a Dom, like there is a fundamental difference between a slave and a sub.

Yes he is correct, but those of you who are submissive and new to the lifestyle you really do not have a clue, or maybe you do but your afraid to speak up.You the submissive has the right to submit on your terms, when and where, and how. You have the right to follow what rules you want.

The word Dominant in the lifestyle is relatively new, , or calling someone their Dominant is relatively new going back some 15 years or so, when the pansexual revelation came about.. When BDSM started breaking off into separate groups

So the terms would be Master and Slave, Dominant and Submissive or Top and Bottom, Now the Top and Bottom really differ from the other two, and here is how.

The Bottom will dictate the entire scene , the Bottom will instruct the top , what they can do and what they cannot do, right down to how many times they can be spanked with a belt or flogger. The Bottom can refuse to do certain sex acts or bondage.

Again it is not that anyone is better than the other our lives are just very different. I know even here in the local community some Dominants are called Masters by their Submissive’s, and there is nothing wrong with that, it is what makes your relationship. It is what puts you the submissive in that frame of mind.

Remember the difference between a Slave and a Submissive. Many who are Submissive do not understand how a Slave could live such a life, While a Slave cannot understand how one could only submit at their will. Arianna does not understand those who are submissive, but she respects them. She does not understand how a submissive could talk back to their Dominant, or even argue with them. Arianna knows there would be great consequences if she were to question me, but this is the relationship we have.

Remember the above is just my opinion and nothing more. I have included an article that was written some several years ago That I would like to share, and it speaks about the same subject.

The biggest difference is the COLLAR Like Arianna since she excepted my Collar it has not been off one time. She even wears it to work without question. A Submissive will determine when and where she will wear her collar, if she wears one at all.

One of the best sites out there for information more so those who are new to the lifestyle is Bestslavetraining.com

There is a ton of information it will take you a week to read everything. It will also give you the submissive or slave some ideas on how your Dominant or Master should be,. Read you will truly enjoy.

The slave also goes through what some would call a Behavior Modification process, this happens during training. The way the slave talks, walks, how they act in public, around their owners friends, and yes even sex.

What really got me thinking was what Franco Bolli had said to me about how a Dominant was different than a Master in his eyes or thoughts. You can find him here   http://francobolli666.wordpress.com/

So here is the Article have fun reading maybe it was explained a little better and more detail than I was able to.

The last words are so right, Lets all be kind to each other we Deserve it.

Image I love this position

The article I found below is what I came across this am. All credit goes to.

http://www.denversub.com/labels.html

Master or Dom? / slave or sub?

Labels… we use them… we abuse them.  Disclaimer: this is only one person’s opinion.  You may find it helpful… if not, you may ignore it… Probably the most difficult thing to explain (and some would say impossible) is the difference between the labels we use to define us.  The most common argument occurs with the labels Dominant, Master, slave and submissive.  This page will include opinions… some mine, some borrowed from other sources.  I will attempt to credit those sources where I am able.  If you visit this webpage and see something that was originally yours, please email denversubmissive@aol.com and I will either credit you or remove it, as you wish.

“To be thrilled at the touch of leather, aroused by the sound of harsh words, or satisfied by the security of rigid bondage is the mark of a lover. To be thrilled at the opportunity to provide useful service, aroused by a pleased nod, and satisfied by the proverbial job well done is the mark of a slave.”
The Marketplace, Chapter 7, by Laura Antoniou writing as Sara Adamson

Well, that’s not very sensual or erotic, is it?  But it is a good definition of the term “slave“, and one that is used in our lifestyle quite often to describe a voluntary submission of one’s will completely to another.  In truth, very few “slaves” would apply this definition to themselves, if they are honest with themselves about what they require to be fulfilled in the role.  Most of us (at least part of the time), want the thrill of leather, the arousal and satisfaction provided by the role, and would be less than satisfied with simply service.  So, we modify the definition a bit.

Another common distinction between “slave” and “submissive” is that a slave submits only once, and that given her submission to her Master, she no longer negotiates anything with him.  A “sub”, by contrast, negotiates each scene, or changes in the limits of the relationship as time goes on.

A popular debate takes place over the difference between a submissive and a bottom (meaning the noun).  I think this one is solved fairly easily.  A submissive is a bottom who submits to the will of the Dominant in a scene, within the pre-negotiated limits they agree upon.  She does not direct the scene in any way and it is his choice which of those negotiated items he will incorporate into any particular scene.  By contrast, a bottom often negotiates precisely what will happen in a particular scene, down to how many strokes with a particular toy.  She does not submit her will to that of the Dominant or Top, and there is no exchange of power… simply a planned scene.  The verb form, to “bottom” can apply to either a bottom or a submissive, describing the activity of being the recipient of the Dominant’s actions.

I often tell those I mentor that you can picture it on a scale of 1 to 5.. with the submissive being 1 (“whatever pleases you, Sir”) and the bottom being 5 (“This is the way we are going to do the scene”).  We fall all along the scale, rather than at one end or the other.  This is what makes labeling impossible.  There is no right or wrong way to bottom… everyone should find the place that gives them the most satisfaction.

A similar scale exists for “Dominants” and “Tops”. The Top in a scene is the person giving the sensation or pain.  Picture the scale with the “Service Top” at 1 (“My pleasure comes from giving the bottom exactly what she wants to be completely satisfied”) and the Dominant at 5 (“Now that we have negotiated what is allowable, I will choose what pleases me”).  Again, we fall all along the scale… there is no right or wrong way to top someone.  I believe that most 5’s on the scale are hard-core sadists who derive their primary pleasure from the infliction of pain, and playing with one of these sadists can be a heady experience… they *enjoy* it so much!

Now we come to the most difficult: Master and Dominant.  Obviously all Masters are Dominants, but certainly all Doms are not Masters!  At least not in the generally accepted use of the term, which is someone who owns a slave and controls her life completely.  In some communities, the term “Master” is reserved for highly qualified Dominants who have proven themselves to be of excellent character and skill.  The community itself reserves the right to bestow this title and does so sparingly.  For others, it is simply a condition of the mind… the thought processes that a Dominant entertains as he tops… and some believe that the “Master” truly feels the ownership and responsibility of the slave under his control in ways the Dominant does not.  I tend to believe in “slave” wiring and “Master” wiring myself, and don’t consider them better, just very different.

The most important point I hope to make with all this is that we should avoid using labels to rate someone’s skill or dedication to our lifestyle.  Labels are beneficial in helping others understand us… but statements like “oh.. she’s just a bottom” or “he’s only a Service Top” do an injustice to us all.  Whether someone likes a lot of pain or none at all; total surrender or neatly negotiated play; absolute control or a part time play experience… we all have a right to pursue our fantasies and desires, and deserve better than to be labeled by the very people who should understand the most clearly how diversified we all are.

Let’s be kind to each other… we deserve it!

Vile