The term or word Unicorn is relatively new , and it is a word I would never use myself in a general conversation or even when looking for a third to form a Triad.
So when I used the word unicorn it was as almost impossible to find , or non-existent.
Arianna and I were talking last night about how other Dominants have a full house and she made the statement well you could too if you lowered your standards.
I could not meet someone and bring her home and tell Arianna hey she is staying with us like it or not. You would really be surprised how often that happens.
There is a myth that unicorns are disposable and while many think that may be true I have never heard that before.
I was speaking with a male submissive a couple of months ago and we were talking about poly and Triads , and he mentioned the Unicorn and the definition was they are called unicorns because they are either not real or extremely hard to find. I stand by that statement.
Now I or we have had the opportunity to bring others in , but the click or the chemistry was not there. To bring another in it has to fit like a glove, nice and snug.
In the past weeks I have met a couple of friends , I am trying really hard. So I met a Dominant who is new to the lifestyle as with his Submissive but they are still finding what works and what does not work. He then began to explain he was thinking of adding a third.
I thought for a minute then I said you cant not right now , the two of you have still not defined your relationship or which direction you both want to go.
To bring someone into your home and your relationship not being in place , and stable it would not be fair. You bring someone in with false hopes and you can really fuck someone up.
Talking on Facebook my friend Bopeep made the comment and while I agree with her I never looked at a unicorn in that way, until my last blog I had never used the word unicorn.
BoPeep Hmmm..I think that the poly community frowns on the term “unicorn” and couples who are “unicorn hunters” because it implies that the third is a disposable object or toy for the couple. It dehumanizes the third. I’m sure there are a few out there that would tolerate it for a time, but if you are imposing limits to the thirds “importance” in the relationship right off the bat, the third already has one foot out the door. Most poly-fi-tri’s I’ve read about that are successful happened out of shared friendships over a period of time. I wish you and Arianna the best, if anyone can make it happen it’s you
Last I believe this whole topic is hard to explain or more so for anyone to understand my reasoning. When you ask most Dominants why they want to add a third the answer is always more flavor. If you need more flavor then the submissive or slave you have now is not meeting your needs. So by adding more flavor you can now justify the act of fucking someone else.
Arianna and I have been speaking about adding a third for sometime, we have weighed the good and the bad as well as the awesome possibility’s, but the click has to be right.
We have spoken to several submissive’s and time and time again I have explained it is not me you have to win over it is Arianna , win over is a bad way to put it, Arianna is the one you have to bond with.
So maybe the term Unicorn hit a bad nerve with some of you, and as I look back on my post I can see why. To many men or Doms and even couples Unicorns are disposable. So the female is never allowed to truly bond with either nor are they treated as a equal within the relationship.
I think in many Triads the third is left out a lot and I hate using the word third but I got a lot of feed back about using the term Unicorn. There are those who could give a fuck about your feelings be it a Male Dominant or a couple, in fact many times a third is used to fulfill a couples fantasies and nothing more.
In most cases the fantasies get old or jealousy kicks in and the communication falls apart if there was ever any, or maybe the couple did not have a clear vision on what was expected from each, or what the needs would be. Any way you put it playing with someones emotions or feelings is a bad way going about things, but there are those who could really give a fuck. Find you use and abuse then dump you. There are several sides to that picture it goes not only for women but men and couples.
Arianna and I are still talking about adding someone to our home but I and we know we have to be careful, at this point another slave would be a no go, a submissive yes. The rules would be much different I am sure.
Anyway I just wanted to add more on my thoughts about the Unicorn and third..