Archive for the Vanilla Friends Category

Moving From A Vanilla To A D’s Relationship

Posted in 24/7, anger, Argue, bdsm, Bondage, slave, Structure, Submission, submissive, The slave must adapt, Total Power Exchange, Total Submission, TPE, Train your slave, Training your wife, Vanilla, Vanilla Friends on January 9, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is a task that is not really an easy thing to do, but it can be done. In orders to move into a whole new world there are somethings the Dominant has to do.

The first being a huge change of attitude. The Dominant has to demonstrate he is in full control. The attitude has to change a full 360 degrees. This is more true if the two have problems arguing.

A woman will not submit to a Dominant or any male if he cannot control his temper. Second we do not always have to be right. Although I am not wrong that often I do make mistakes. I think things out before acting and when something goes wrong, I am like what the fuck how did that happen, because I have covered all of the choices and of course the consequences.

Being in full control is the key. Communication with your partner. You would need to introduce things slowly. Maybe share a few story’s, maybe a site you have stumbled across. Slowly introduce some lite Bondage. See if your partner is willing to participate in other types of play.

Remember you cannot take submission it has to be giving, you have to earn it. You cannot demand that someone respects you, again you have to earn.

The easiest way to earn someones submission is for the Dominant to be able to show control. If you blow up and get angry your spouse or girlfriend is going to do the same thing and you have gained nothing.

You want to make your home as stress free as you can. You want to make your home as Drama free as you can. Leaving work at work is a good place to start.

If you have friends who are full of drama then it is time to cut ties with them. Their problems are not your problems. I have had to cut off even the best of friends because of all the drama, I do not roll like that.

Your control will mean everything. You can be married and love each other but still not have that total respect thing going on.

Controlling your temper, thinking before you speak. Think about what your going to say before speaking, you may want to re-word it.

Although advice from others may work and work well, you have to be the one to define exactly what you want and need. Every D’s or M’s home is different, every Dominant and submissive or slave is different. You have to define how you want your house to be ran.

Talking to your spouse or girlfriend about your thoughts, try to get a feel if they would maybe try and venture into that type of lifestyle.

Now the Hidden dangers. If you are able to persuade your better half into venturing into the world you want, and she agrees. Now you have to stay with it. If she is truly a submissive and you guide her in the direction you want, and you stop, it make of become a need for her. If you cannot fulfill that need any longer , guess what happens. You wake up alone because she will find someone who will.

If the world of BDSM is just a fantasy leave it as that. If you are serious and that is the life you want it can be a beautiful thing. The lifestyle can be very rewarding.

Other Dominants here on wordpress may have different views, maybe different ideas, or they may think I am nuts. This is just my opinion, and only my opinion.

Good luck in your travels.

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Vile

Where Do We Fit In ?

Posted in 24/7, Acceptance, Arianna, bdsm, Bondage, control, controlling, Conversation, Dominants, Employer, Face Fucking, Fear, Fitting in, Friends, Friendship, hoe, Kink, kinky, Love, married, masochist, Master, oral, oral sex, pussy, Respect, Rough Sex, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, sex, slave, Spanking, submissive, sucking cock, sucking dick, Trust, Vanilla, Vanilla Friends on July 7, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

We were texting today Arianna and I , and the subject came up of how stupid some people are. I made the comment about how at work all anyone talked about was how much beer they drank the night before and how much they plan on drinking once they get off. These are men who make six figures not your every day McDonalds worker not that there is anything wrong with working at McDonalds. It does not matter what you do as long as it is an honest days work.

Here is the thing, besides Arianna I really do not have anyone I would call a real friend, I mean someone I would hang out with on a daily basis. There are people I like, and I even invited a co-worker over for dinner sometime, but to call someone a friend to me that is deep and it calls for a lot of trust. Trust is a huge issue with me.

At work I try to fit in, I laugh and joke but for the most it is a big front, not that most of the guys are not likeable because most are. When I first started there I was giving the cold shoulder because they felt like I was cutting into their pay, which is not really the truth, we each make out own pay. So everyday it is talking about beer and hoes, hoes and beer. Pretty boring.

In the lifestyle I know a lot of people , there are those I would like to call friends, but then the trust thing comes into play. for the most I am a very private man. Although at work I have shared some of my kink but no one really understands and I do not want to spend a day trying to explain. People hear what they want to hear, people see what they want to see, and people believe what they want to believe.

So in my world where does Vile fit in? It is as if I do not belong anyplace. Sure I have my own space, my own freedom, but at some point you have to share your space, if that makes any sense.

At a young age I knew I was different. Even in my teens I was into spanking, tying girls up, I really got off on face fucking, humiliation, and yes even control. Even then I did not fit in, it was like I was a guest in someones world, I was just there, people all around me but I just could not find that spot, that spot where I belonged.

So is it so bad to be different? Should we be someone else we are not just to please others so that we do fit in? I do know living a life that your not can be a total disaster , and the consequences are not good. On the other hand if we are to be who we are where do we fit in?

You go to the wing house or hooters with the guys, well it is not my thing, because I have no desire to sit around a table telling old war stories drinking beer, and listening to men talk about hoes

Lets face it if you went to work and announced who and what you were you would not be accepted, you would be the black sheep of the office. People would think your weird or think your some sicko. So really we spend our life hiding in the closet. I have shared some but I have not gone into great detail. Do I care if I am accepted? Nah I am who I am and I am very happy. Do I care if Joe likes me? I could really care less.

We, us , them, submissive, slaves, sadist, masochist , kinky we do not fit in we are just here, or there for a short period of time. Most are ashamed of who and what they are, because of being afraid of being an out cast, we need acceptance, we need people to like and approve of use. Why ? Because we do not fit in the world the way people think we should.

Those who do want to fit in want everything handed to them without having to put forth any effort, for example. A co-worker who is single, I invited him to go to a place in Orlando called the wood shed. His remark was fuck that I am not driving sixty miles to meet a woman, I would rather go home and watch porn and jack off. I am glad that is working out for him.  Now if I just showed up at his place with a woman and said here she is yours to fuck for the night, he would gladly take her, unless he found out he had to feed her or something.

I can say without a doubt I am happy. I have a good life. I have an awesome wife and slave, and as of right now I would not change anything. If I need a fishing buddy I have Arianna, if I have the need to have a drinking buddy again I have Arianna. If I have the need to play rough, fuck or just get my cock sucked yup I have Arianna.

So the question is do I really need to fit in? I think being happy and content means much more than trying to fit in with the Jones, or the Smiths.

So I know every morning when I leave for work, I know just where I fit in. That is my main and only focus.

Much Fucking Love to Everyone

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Vile

If You Are Not Submissive

Posted in bdsm, Dominants, married, Married Dominant, slave, Spanking, submissive, Vanilla, Vanilla Friends on December 22, 2012 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is a problem that happens all to often, more so with those who are submissive, not so much with dominants and you will understand why.

A female meets someone she is interested in, it seems like they have much in common. With the one exception. He is Dominant, and she is not submissive. I am a lot of female friends who are not submissive, and I really prefer to keep it that way. It gives me an out at times, just having someone out of the lifestyle, that I can just hang with. While in a relationship not so much, I prefer my slave to be by my side when I am out.

So the female is not submissive, but she is interested in someone she has met. When it comes to the time for him to explain who and what he is about, sometimes a relationship has already bloomed, more so with the females feelings.

While I did medical transport, at times a nurse would accompany the patient, and I would see the nurse on a regular basis, sometimes I would get asked out, because I never crossed that line at work. This was my time to come clean, I felt like I had to expose part of my life to someone who was somewhat a stranger.

So I explained part of my lifestyle, 99% of the time, a short conversation was all it needed to make one change their mind. Then the 1% I had to go into more detail. Most of the time once I explained myself, we just remained friends, but there were those who seemed somewhat interested. I did not pursue anything with the ones who were interested in experimenting , I just left it at that.

Then at times words are not enough, some Dominants feel that just maybe things can work out. Once into the start of a new relationship, the Dominant see’s that such a relationship is not and would not be fair to the female. The Dominant comes to realize, that he would be doing more damage than good.

Many times a female who thinks they are submissive or at least want to give it a go, once into the swing of things she see’s the light. She comes to terms that this type of relationship is not for her. She then wants the Dominant to change, change who and what he is. This is not going to happen, and many times everything comes to an abrupt end, including any friendship that was left.

At times it is best to remain friends, and work on keeping any feelings both have developed , at bay.

While I do understand, because I am guilty, when I was married I was trying to change. I wanted a family a nice house, a child. It did not take long to realize that I had made a very bad mistake. I could not change who I was. I was not happy being me. I was a fake, Cook outs with the jone’s, the Smith’s. Drinking beer with Bill. That was not me. I needed the control, the kinky sex, the bondage, most of all the spankings.

I was man enough to come clean about who and what I was. My then wife asked for a divorce. I can say while married no matter how unhappy, how depressed, or miserable I became. I remained LOYAL at all times. Although I did meet Bea before my divorce, we had dinner three times, but no contact of any kind. It was not until I was divorced and out of my then house on the beach did I pursue a D’s relationship.

The guilt I felt was a heavy burden, I felt like I had crushed someones life at the hands of my selfish needs. I was only thinking about me and no one else. This is how I felt.

Then after much thought, I was not being selfish. The fact of the matter was, I was not being fair to my wife. I was leading my wife on, I was not able to give her the life she wanted. I was holding her back.

I agreed to seek counseling, I only did this to make me feel okay. I wanted to give my ex-wife the benefit of the doubt. Even after I explained to the pastor what my feelings were, he just said I was selfish. No I am being selfish by staying .

After Bea and I had split, I entered several short term relationships, knowing fully well, they were not going to work. These were with single woman I had met through work, some lasted only a couple of weeks.mainly because I was asked to change , and I refused. I was not going to let my cock run my life. I needed to find that special one.

I searched for over a year and a half, to find a slave who fit my needs and my needs only. I laid all the cards out on the table. I made it perfectly clear what I expected in a relationship, I was upfront about everything. Low and behold Tish agreed.

I expected Tish to just walk away, but that is not what happened. Each day we grow more and more, and we are both moving forward on a positive note.

If you are not submissive, find a partner who wants to explore in the bedroom, maybe then you may want to expand out of the bedroom.. Be who you are, you do not need to change for anyone. Be yourself, most of all be happy.

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Vile

My Type of Woman

Posted in bdsm, Bond, Cherish, Conversation, Dating, Discipline, Drama, Email, Friends, Friendship, Honesty, Kink, Open Minded, Stuck on yourself, Vanilla Friends on November 28, 2012 by thekinkyworldofvile

I really do not have a preference when it comes to a female. I can tell you I am not into looks, I really do not care what someone looks like. Well okay there is a limit. The truth is I do not base anything on looks. As a matter of fact if we met, and we were separated by a wall, and we spent time talking if I was able to click with you, on all levels, I am good.

To me it is the conversation, being able to communicate, really clicking.. Okay I am not the easiest man to live with. I can be difficult I know this, but my philosophy is be who you are, not what someone wants you to be.

I prefer the girl next door, no makeup type, shy, and introvert, but smart, intelligent, a good self esteem.

What turns me off, is to hear someone just talk about everything they have done, on a daily basis, on and on and on. it is all about them and nothing else. Just like men you have dated who were just stuck on themselves.

Being open minded is a must, willing to learn. Follow direction, and know that there are choices and consequences for our actions.

I believe most of our problems are self inflicting. We tend to sweep things under the rug, in hopes something will go away. Well it never does. If a problem arises you take care of it right then.

So if you are stuck on yourself, and you have no personality, nah I am not even interested. I was seeing a woman for a while then we went separate ways , then 9 months later we started again, a huge mistake on my part. Everything was always about her, the accomplishments , who she had worked for, what she had done, all about her. Huge turn off.

You can tell when someone is interested in you. Small things. How was your day? What are you thinking? How is your son? You can tell when someone is truly listening to what you have to say.  Instead of spending twenty minutes talking and all you get is a oh yea, or really.

Don’t get me wrong I love beautiful women, but if the personality is not there, it just wont work.

A female who follows my blog, is like just smoking hot, long blonde hair, the biggest brightest eyes you have ever seen, petite, but she has a kick ass personality , she is a very very good friend, someone I can talk to on all levels. She is not into BDSM , and will be married soon, but all around she is really awesome. Our conversations never go towards the extreme , which I do like. I have a lot of female friends who are vanilla, and non sexual. They know what I am about, but they feel safe around me. They know I am not going to hit on them, or judge who they are.

The topic of BDSM never comes up, we are just friends. Even if at some point and time one wanted a relationship, I could not go there. Reason being that is not the way our relationship started out, if that makes any sense. Women seem to be far more understanding than men when you want a true conversation.

I have one who I bowl with, one I fish with, and the other is just a hang out, movies, flea markets, what ever. Some have stayed the night, slept in the same bed without fear of what I might try or do. The truth is sex does not even cross my mind.

Anyway just a little more about me…

Vile