submissive – inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; “submissive servants”; “a submissive reply”; “replacing troublemakers with more submissive people”
Archive for the @vile62 on Twitter Category
Over the years I have talked to hundreds or slaves and those who are submissive, most of the conversation has been about rules , who when , what and where?
You meet a new Dominant and after the meeting you have a long list of rules you must learn and remember word for word, you must be able to repeat them when asked , but the fact is the Dominant cannot do that. Why ask someone to do something if you cannot do it?
Knowing someone for an hour , a week or even a month there is no way someone could possibly implement any type of rules.
You have a Dominant then you have a Master these are clearly two different type of people. In most cases the Master is in a TPE relationship , Total Power Exchange while a D’s relationship the submissive has say in what happens and can say NO fuck you I am not doing it. A TPE relationship runs much deeper but in many ways both have the same responsibility. We are to take care of ours and we ensure our partner is on the right path. We set goals , we have a plan for self-improvement so the rules we put in place should be for the good.
Dominants and Masters are in theory Therapist without PHD’s but the difference is we can come up with a plan, a plan to guide someone in the right direction. A Therapist spends about 15 minutes in a session and tries to make decisions based on the information giving. Based on the information giving is based on the prescription giving, and I know from experience more often the information that is giving is not 100% honest. Most do not feel comfortable opening up their life to a complete stranger more so if you’re in the lifestyle. If you do not share your lifestyle there is no way anyone can possibly make the right decision.
When asked by a doctor about our home life I explain we have a very structured home, we have communication, no drama but most of all no arguing. Most catch on to our lifestyle without me having to go into great detail. I go on to explain I take care of everything , I handle all problems we may face and at times I handle problems Arianna knows nothing about.
A great deal of those who are slaves and submissive suffer from some type of depression , some are even bi-polar. I did not say all so please do not put words in my mouth.
Many take medications many take more than one, so we need to know what type of medication and why? What is your medication suppose to do and what happens if you do not take it?
we have to know all of the above before we can even think about giving out any type of rules.
We have to know what makes them tick, why do they think the way they do, but most important what are they thinking at any giving moment. I know several times a day I ask Arianna what is on her mind, what is she thinking? Many times if you ask what is wrong it throws up a defense a wall goes up and the fight begins, when in actuality there may have been nothing wrong. This is the base of most arguments , fights screaming at each other. we say things to hurt each other, we use words we would not normally use. It takes longer for words to heal than it does a black eye, words are never forgotten.
A few things we tell a potential partner when we first meet them is always be honest , meaning always tell me the truth. Be open , communicate and always be loyal. We also state we will be there no matter what and we have their back when no one else will.
If we expect the above then why would a Slave not expect the same in return? Why should we be held to different standards ?
Submission cannot be demanded, respect cannot be demanded, loyalty cannot be demanded. Everything we do as a Master or Dominant has to be earned.
You will call me Sir , you will call me Daddy, you will call me Master why ? This or those titles we so crave are earned, the same way we earn respect , the same way we earn trust.
Once you begin or agree to start a relationship then we can start to implement some rules, perhaps a daily bed time or a wake up time. If medication is being taking a good rule would be to let you know when and what.
Most Dominants who are new to the lifestyle often give rules out that are just sexually based. Like you must worship my cock or suck whenever we are alone. You must wear short skirts with no panties. You will learn to take my pain, you get the idea nothing has to do with structure or improvement.
Just because we are Dominant does not mean the submissive next door will fit our needs, it does not mean the slave we are talking to is our fit. This is where the getting to know each other comes in. Learning about each other, our likes and dislikes. We do not want to come off as trying to change someone, we want to let the slave know we want to improve. Although changing someone can be done it does in tell a lot of work and should only be done if you plan on the relationship being long term.
There are two hard parts in finding the perfect partner and there is someone who is perfect. Finding the right partner, then finding the right partner who is willing to adapt to your ways, follow your rules, follow your structure and be willing to be trained and take it seriously. If you find the above then it is a need for the slave..
Have a plan put in place, knowing who you are and what type of Dominant you are will determine what plan you need. This goes for the same with the sub or slave.
If you’re a Daddy Dom why would you pursue a Submissive or even a Slave? If you’re a Baby Girl why would you pursue a Dominant or a master?
Rules and protocols run the same path both basically have the same outcome. However, both will help where help is needed.
The slave must be willing first off, rules , protocols, and training must be a need , if everything is just a fantasy it will be time wasted, if a need the possibility’s are unlimited .
The need to give up total control the, need to give another total control, not a want but a true need.
If your rules are mostly about sucking cock, no panties in public , or anal training if you’re in a LTR , sending pics or videos , then maybe you should sit back and rethink your relationship.
You have to truly need it, you need to crave and with the right leader your relationship will truly rock.
Before moving into a relationship why would you not want someone who wants to be friends, someone who wants to get to know you as a person a friend , even a best friend before moving into the kink area. I would think you would want someone who has your best interest in mind and you can see the difference but you turn your head hoping everything will be okay , even if it is not you stick around in fear of being alone…
Living apart makes a D’s relationship rather hard for the Dominant to maintain control. I myself am hands on, I am visual. I like to stay in contact even through out the day, I like knowing where mine is and what she or they are doing. I require check-ins, I want to know how the day is going. These are forms of protocols if you have enough protocols in place very few rules are actually needed..
Rules are meant to improve where improvement is needed…
Last you must have 24/7 access toyour Dominant , you must be able to ask questions ands hare your concerns. You must be allowed to communicate.. A good Dominant will never raise his voice or shlow anger towards you
It is our responsibility to pick those up who have stumbled, those who are having a hard time coping , Those who are having a stressful position on life , those who are confused and feel they have no one to turn to.
Something that irks me , is to be at a public outing and the big bad Dom sits back and tells about his times and travels , what he has done, what he knows and the mile long experience he has, but when a submissive needs a helping hand they just turn their back and walk away.
You want the pussy but you do not want the responsibility , you want your dick sucked but you do not want the responsibility, you want to tie their ass up and beat them but you do not want the responsibility.
This does not pertain to all of course there are those who just enjoy fucking , but there are the few who are different , there are the few who suffer from depression. When you play with someone who has some sort of mental issue , you are doing nothing less that manipulating them, your playing head games and once your front door closes your done your finished.
I was talking to someone the other day and he wanted to know hot to train someone , so in answering that each is different but I gave a few ideas and he stopped me midway and said it was to much work. I explained that it could be a little work in the beginning but within 60 to 90 days everything would start to fall into place.
Training is no joke , as a matter of fact it is something close to rehabilitation , you are changing someones thought process, changing habits, the way someone dresses , talks and walks, of course this is a M’s relationship and at times it very well could be a D’s. Once everything is in place it is just daily maintenance , not weekly or bi-weekly it is daily.
You want the perfect relationship but your not willing to put the effort into building something that could be the most intense relationship you have ever had..
Karma is a bitch and it will bite you in your ass. Think twice before you ruin someones life. Unless your in for the long run leave the ones who are vulnerable and need that guiding hand alone, unless your going to answer your phone at 3 am.
Playing with those who have emotional problems or suffer from depression does not make you a Dominant , it shows you are weak and you have no values, and if you think for one minute that you are not being talked about you are dead wrong..
So next time your sitting at at table at a munch and you introduce yourself as Master Dick , take a look around the room.
A small group of 9 attended the 19th meeting and the topic was abuse. Even though I lead the MAsT, Masters and Slaves Together. http://www.mast.net , if you are not familiar with MAsT check out the site.
Abuse many understood how abuse can happen in a D’s or M’s relationship some were still unsure.
Girl- L who is an awesome friend helped facilitate the meeting and she came loaded with awesome information. I myself like to let different people facilitate MAsT meetings because it make someone feel a part of. We also get different point of views which is truly needed.
The meeting is held at our home , meeting in this type of environment allows people to speak freely with out prying ears. It allows people to relax and let go where as they would not in a public setting.
We also spoke about how abuse is just not about men but there are women who abuse as well , mainly through manipulation or known better Topping from the Bottom. Most of the time this only occurs if the Dominant is not experienced or very new to the lifestyle…
Many times the abuse can be stopped prior to entering a relationship with the right education and asking the right questions. The problem today is many are to impatient and do not care about taking the proper steps. Being active in the community is a huge step forward , making friends as well. I have a handful of people I actually consider my friend. However being active does not always solve all problems because there is a dick or a bitch at every corner. The thing is it does not matter what others think about you or how you should be living your life, that is unless they are going to pay your bills..
One thing about the BDSM lifestyle is everybody is right and no one is wrong , everyone has the right answer and everyone is wrong. No one knows what they are talking about, even on Fetlife everyone is wrong. The one thing i noticed is all the people giving advice about how your life should go are single more so Doms. So yes taking advice from someone who has never been a D’s relationship is the way to go..
Abuse when it comes to the lifestyle is a huge gray area and it can be a touchy subject for some.
I know I have been approached by Doms in the community asking me if I thought I was to strict on Arianna. I suppose this is the difference between a Master and a Dominant, a Submissive and a Slave, having rules and protocols or just letting your girl run wild, and having no consequences for their actions.
I run a very smooth home, I am strict and firm, but I do so without arguing , screaming, calling names or even getting physical. I have rules in place and they are followed, I have protocols and they are followed.
I am not a 9 to 5 Dominant , I am not a weekend warrior , I am not a once every now and then Dominant , I am 24/7 and no less. I take full responsibility for not only my relationship but I admit when a mistake is made. One thing Arianna comes first and always will , I will drop what ever I am doing if needed. A Submissive or Slave should have 24/7 access to their Dominant or Master and no less, there are no excuses.
Okay ive been ranting a little and if you follow me you know by know I get off the subject at times.
One thing that really irks me is when mental abuse comes into play. When a slave or submissive is suffering from depressions, maybe being bipolar , manic and the newly found Dom does not see the signs or maybe he just does not give a fuck. Having any or all of these symptoms can put unneeded stress on someone and cause more damage.
Many times everything is in the open but many times who ever suffers from such a disease will not be upfront about their illness. Many are ashamed but more are scared of failing a new relationship.
I myself cannot even imagine how someone who is bipolar , come close to even knowing what their thought process is, or even how one makes it through a normal day , much less how someone would handle being tied down and beaten, or used sexually. I would not even want to comprehend the thought process, or how scared or confused someone might be.
On the other hand there are some aspects of the lifestyle in which someone could benefit from a D’s or M’s home , if it was based on more of a structured setting , where rules and protocols were put in place to be beneficial. Understanding ones limits and not trying to push that explore button. Insuring they are on medication and on the proper medication.
Just to let you know I am not talking out of my ass I am speaking from experience. I am living in such a relationship. The beginning was a rough start but 3 years later I am and we are blessed. I suppose the setting would be different if love did not play a part , I suppose it would be different if you were just being used as a fuck toy….
The above can only be accomplished if you truly know someone and you care enough to put any effort into building a lasting relationship.
Some of the most common situations when it comes to abuse starts out with isolation. Separating you from friends and family. Making you turn over passwords to all of your accounts. Emails , social media , not allowing you to speak with other Doms, and the most severe is your banking information.
These tactics are used by Doms who are insecure or new to the lifestyle. Many have anger issues and use fear in order to obtain your submission, verbal and eventually it will turn physical.
Being new it will take some time to catch on before you will see the abuse or something pay hit you , thinking Hmmm there is something here that is not right. You feel like you have no one to turn to, after all you have turned your back on all of your friends, but even then how would you explain such a relationship?
Female abuse happens often and this is done through manipulation, and it happens with a Dom who lacks experience. However there are times when ones judgement can be blurred by letting feeling get in the way of a D’s or M’s relationship.
I have written about this subject many many times and at times I get this fuck it attitude because the truth is maybe one out of a hundred even takes notice.
The signs are clear first is isolation from friends and family , making you give all passwords to your email and social media and email. Constantly putting you down calling you names and telling you , you area worthless bitch. At times taking your banking information.
The fist date is either a Denny’s or a motel and your training starts off with you sucking cock. You get to see your new Dom maybe once a month if your lucky, or maybe more often to suck cock. The first date is the only date you are seen in public with him, unless your dumb enough to invite a total stranger to your house.
When you ask a question or question the way the relationship is going you get yelled at.
You the s;ave the submissive should have 24/7 access to your Dominant no questions asked. If you text you should get an answer , but most of the time it is days not minutes.
Most of the time you know something is wrong but you have it in your head he is the one, there is no one else who can fill his shoes , or should I say diapers.
You know I am not so sure it is abuse at times , I think it is more on the side of the Dom not knowing what they are doing. Many do not understand the amount of time it takes to develop a new D’s or M’s relationship, or most may not want to invest the time it takes, or some may not even consider the needs the submissive may have. Many see the relationship more as a maid service or just a sex toy but it runs much much deeper than just a piece of ass.
Ive had many new Dominants tell me they want to talk and spend time with me, and after I agree I hear nothing else from them.
There are those who are just male chauvinist pigs who see a bdsm relationship as a open door to abuse and just use and toss away until they have that need again.
After 3 years I am still finding it takes a great deal of time and communication.. I get to a point to where I have to alter things such as protocols or rules , I may have to add or take away. Both of us sit down and go over the rules to see if they still apply or maybe make some changes, maybe head in a new direction.
Only you the submissive knows what you need and you need to have a plan and know exactly what you need out of a relationship. Because a mistake made more than once is a decision , and everything falls on you if you allow yourself to continue to be unhappy or used…
What kind of Dom are you looking for ? What type of submissive are you ? Are you a slave? If so a Daddy Dom would not fit your needs. Are you a Masochist ? Then a Daddy Dom is not going to work.
You need to know who you are and what you need before you can begin your search. Just because a Dom contacts you does not mean he is the one for you…
Last you need someone you can talk to , someone who understands you or at least tries, you need to have an outlet when something is not going well….
Again a Mistake made more than one is a decision..
There are those who crave to be used for what ever reason , those who continue to fall into the same trap, and just sit around wondering what has gone wrong or blaming others.. life is based on two things and only two choices and consequences .
Then I have to rag on the married Doms who are married and they cheat on their vanilla wives who know nothing about the other side of their husband. The wives who believe they have built the perfect home. Let me tell you something a man has what he has because of his partner , be it a vanilla wife a submissive or slave she built the kingdom.
He will talk about how bad she is and how he plans to leave her, she is a bitch and does not understand him, there is no communication , she takes no interest in his likes or hobbies. She is a total bitch.
If she was really so bad he would of left long ago. However maybe if this so called Dom had communication skills and really tried his wife who built his kingdom might be open to a little kink.
Instead he finds someone like you, who will take his bullshit , who will take his verbal abuse, and physical abuse. Someone who will take his humiliation, someone who wants to control you but he is controlling not in control. Someone who takes it up the ass because his wife will not…
Your a piece of ass and you will lose every time. You would cost him to much money if he left not to mention if there are kids involved… He is not going to leave the security he has the security his wife has built. You will do just fine until you become to needy and you will and he will dump you because you have become a liability.
While I was married to a vanilla for 9 years I never stepped out on her. I was in the lifestyle prior to meeting her but I was trying to change who I was. I wanted the house, the cars, the kids and the dog. My first month I knew I had made a bad mistake. Remember the choices and consequences ?
After 9 years I came clean about who I was and what I needed. I lost a house on the beach , two cars and a lot of money. I left with 1500 dollars in cash a canvas bag full of clothes dirty and clean, and a beat up Yamaha 750.
My philosophy is if your not happy get the fuck out.. There is no reason to drag someone through the mud more so over something I did. I lied to her , I mislead her, I was someone I was not, and I made a fool out of her. I can say for the past 9 years I have paid child support every week and I have never missed a payment working or not..
You do not have to let someone drag you through the mud and in the end it will be your fault…
Welcome to a whole new world , a world of kink , bondage , Discipline , sex , things you like and things you do not like. Welcome to the world of giving up your control. Welcome to the world of taking orders , following rules , protocols and structure.
There are two types of Dominants and Domme’s , those who care about you and have your best interest in mind , and those who are just looking to use and abuse and could not give a fuck about your feelings or your emotions and well being.
The bad your a object, your a piece of meat you have three holes or two if male with no face and when you speak your voice is not heard. Once you become to needy or start to question your status you are tossed aside like trash.
To the users you are nothing more than a commodity on the stock market and as you grow older your value will drop , your cock will not work as it did and your tits will start to sag as with your ass. You will go from trading at a hundred dollars or more to penny stocks and your playing field will become much smaller, and there will come a time your game will end.
You can only use so much , you can only play on someones emotions so long before your called out.
These men and women see submission as a weakness and nothing more, You are stupid , you are ignorant you have zero brain cells. Once you have grown tired of sucking dick or emptying out your bank account your tossed a side only to start your next search but you did not learn from your last excursion. You will take the same path of destruction and repeat the relationship again and again. You will continue to send your pics , shoot videos and self punishment, and you will repeat these actions over and over and over.
You will complain to your friends , you will blog about your sorrows, you will blog about how bad the Dom was, you will complain about how you were used , but not one time will you accept responsibility for your own actions.
You make a mistake you correct it , if you make the same mistake that is possible but if you continue then you are just as stupid and the one using you. It is no longer the user it is you and only you, your the only one to blame.
The fake Dominant shows up when no one else is available and if you think your the only one sitting on the couch waiting for a text , you need to change your light bulb.
When you do see him or her , you get the pleasure of sucking cock or being used for about an hour then they have to run and you repeat , you sit on your couch watching Jerry Springer , because you can somehow relate.
The good news is once you decide to get on the right path and find someone who truly cares about you, the one thing you will be proficient in is cock sucking.
You will continue to lay on your back , suck dick and get abused until you come to terms that something is wrong. Those who see the fake Domme’s seldom get the pussy if every, it is more bout humiliation and your bank account.
Your not dating little Johnny anymore , someone you would sit in the car and make out for hours with, or go to a movie theater when he would finger you or cop a feel of your tits.
Your life is going to go through some pretty drastic changes and you need to be on your game when you open the door.
You are now going to give up most of your freedom and in some cases all of your freedom for sometime.
Your going to be told what to wear , how to speak and when to speak. How to dress , your hair, your nails everything about you will change and it will change to fit someones needs.
Your no longer going to be begged to suck dick your going to be told. Your no longer going to begged to give up some pussy it will be taken and you will agree.
You have moved from being viewed as a girl friend or partner to property, an object a toy meant to be used.
You have to be able to communicate your needs and your thoughts when entering a relationship. You have to be able to say NO before entering a relationship. If you are feeling intimidated through fear you are not in the right frame of mind to be making any type of lifestyle decisions.
If you do not agree with something be it a sexual act or a rule you need to speak up , because if you do not you may be in for a bad experience and one you could end up getting hurt.
Here is the key though is you are going to give up all of the above, if you are going to agree to all of the above, if you are going to serve one, give up control of your life , you are entitled to get something in return. What you get in return I guess depends on what you want out of life. I guess it also depends on how long your willing to wait on the one or spending your time jumping from one relationship to another making the same mistakes..
So why do we see so many lifestyle relationships crash ? Just as I am guilty I have settled for less, I have giving into my needs just for that moment in time companionship. Putting my kink to the side well some of it. Entering a relationship knowing we were not compatibility , it works for a short time but in the end you crash.
Many of us including me have put sex ahead of everything else, knowing it was not going to work. If your relationship is based on sex alone it will crash and burn with both leaving very hateful , putting the blame on each other.
Most are not willing to wait for the one , because we are selfish we want it now , we want it yesterday. If you the Dominant or submissive operate like this you will have a very lonely life and in some cases abusive.
I get emails all the time of those wanting advice , i email back with my opinion and I never hear back, why? Because it was not what they wanted to hear. They did not want the truth, they wanted to hear everything was going to be alright.
Life is based on two actions and only two. Choices and Consequences
I have been away for a couple of weeks work has been so crazy…. I have a couple of projects here ive been working on and I am sure your going to like them..
My next topic is You Will be Used a lot of fucking and sucking going on….
I have also started on my book which keeps me up late at night, well it is started in my mind , and it will pick up where The Breaking Of Sabrina left off with a huge twist..
While I may be very outspoken , loud at times , I do have a habit of speaking my mind, in private or public. I am far from politically correct and if I think your bull shitting me I will be the first to call you out.
One obsession I have is speaking with elders , I love their stories of life from the beginning to the present, very wise and most information can be put to very good use. Each story is different , their life is different, some have had a very easy life while others struggled growing up. Some had a good home while other faced abuse on a daily basis.
While in Korea an Elder I met named Kim I would sit for hours and just listen while he spoke in broken English. The stories were very intense. The came the subject of Buddhism which i found very interesting.
Being in the army I could fly most anywhere in the world for about 10.00 dollars and my next stop was Thailand, this was mid 1980 I had just turned 18 and my first taste of the lifestyle.
Although Buddhism is a religion I never looked at it that way , the way I understood it it was a way of life. While at times when I first meet someone I am quick to judge , I try to set aside those feelings and give them a chance but most of the time my gut feeling was right.
I seldom give second chances but there are exceptions at times I am not sure why such as a friend I use to have Daddy M not one but two chances and he proved to be a pig.
I will help others if I see they are doing something to help themselves , if not I decline or I do not even bring it up.
most expect others to just jump in and fix what they have fucked up, remember 90% of our problems are self inflicting , this happens by using bad judgement , and not thinking about the choices and consequences. Trying to cheat the system , trying to get over on someone , be it a friend or even at times family. I believe today family will fuck you faster and more often than someone you call a friend.
I have said this before I am not against religion I am against organized religion. Organized religion is evil, it is money driven, the poor feed the rich.
Live as you would want to be treated by others and give the same respect.
Today i am not a full practicing Buddhist but I walk with much of the beliefs, I do find time from time to time to meditate. I live a good life and I treat others with respect and I expect the same in return. The only down fall is some take my kindness as a weakness and those who walk into me blind are in a pasture they have never walked.
I can care and have great love for you but that switch can be turned off in a split second and never turned back on, this includes family.
I have nor do I allow drama into our life, I stop it before it becomes poison . The same way I handle problems , I handle before they become a problem.
To have a successful and growing relationship both have to be honest and upfront , both have to be truthful and able to communicate their needs.
Compatibility is the most important thing when trying to build a relationship. It is okay to give and take on somethings , but if you give on needs it will never work..
The almighty married Dominant who is cheating on his wife. This is no Dom in any way shape or form. His wife wont suck cock or take it up the ass, and not into pain. This is a kink to them and nothing more. They prey on those who are submissive because they believe you are weak and simple minded. They believe you just want to be used and punished.
Your a piece of ass, only able to experience submission when the Dominant can get away from his wife. He comes to your place or you get a room. You suck dick , get your ass beat and your dropped off. Ill text you later..
I get emails all the time and comments as well one just the other day about seeing a married Dom that turned into a disaster , she was able to see she was just being used.
A close friend of mine was seeing a married Dom, why ? I do not have a clue. He could only go out when he had something to do, other than that he was stuck home with wifey.
So he moved and the relationship ended or so she thought, when he sent her a text she politely turned him down and all of a sudden he had found someone younger and told her to go fuck herself.
A few months later another text. Want to Fuck ? She did not reply and the text continued, so I decided to send him an email on fetlife. He would not answer me , but continued to text her and tell her how weak she was followed by the names again. I sent him a total of 8 emails , shrugs. I even invited him to a local function , but that went unanswered …..
I would think as a submissive or slave while in a relationship you would want the whole pie and not just a slice. I would think you would want to be treated with respect. I would think you would want to be cared for. I would think you would want to be more than a piece of ass. I would think you would want to experience the training process, the experience of earning your collar. Maybe I am wrong ?
My way is not the only way , but i do have a proven formula that I have put together and used and in my relationship it works, and it works well. I trained to fit my needs , I trained to help arianna , I trained so that she could achieve goals, and Ive supported her. Being supportive plays a huge role , just as communication.
As always i got off track a little, but if you follow you know this already. I love sharing my life , I love sharing my growth when it comes to the lifestyle…