No one really knows why a submissive is a submissive, no one really knows why a slave is a slave. A submissive or slave cannot even answer that question. The only real answer is , it is a need, it is a deep feeling from within. They have the need to please and serve.
To someone who is vanilla this is very hard to understand and most men who are vanilla will not except this type of behavior , they do not understand nor do they want to understand.
You cannot say I know what is best for you, you cannot say it is abuse because it is not abuse. Fulfilling someones need is not abuse. Abuse happens daily just look around at the women who have black eyes, busted lips, that is abuse.
So it is one or two things , your either close minded , or you do not want the responsibility. You care but you don’t care. You care about your needs, you want your dinner cooked, you want your house cleaned, you want your laundry done, you want your cock sucked, you want to fuck her in the ass, but her needs do not matter.
She wants rules, you want dinner cooked. She wants to be spanked, you want your cock sucked. See if your not willing to step into her world, you are only thinking down a one way street. You are self centered only thinking about your needs, and yet you expect the relationship to work.
I can tell you from experience if you are not able or willing to fulfill ones needs they will find someone who will and someone who will enjoy a D’s relationship.
I lived with a slave for seven years, around the 6th year I began to let my feelings get in the way because I felt like I was abusing her. In the end I was not longer the Dominant I said I was, love did not matter, the amount of time we had been together did not matter, she packed up and left. It was not her fault it was mine. I lost control of the situation and I was not able to regain control. You cannot back track.
You want all the womanly duties, but your not willing to give in return. Yea that is pretty fucking selfish. The submissive is willing to give 110%, but your not wanting to put any effort into making the relationship work.
Then if you are willing to step up to the plate you are not going to learn from a book. A book can be a good reference guide, a book can give you an idea, but if you are reading the Fifty Shades Of Grey and your using this book which was poorly written by the way, you really do not have a clue.
The bad news is becoming the Dominant she needs is no easy task, it is not something that happens over night, it is not something you can learn in a month, or even a year. So you will have to seek out a mentor, someone who has been in the lifestyle for a very long time. Someone you can meet in person, and you listen, and listen, and you listen, and your going to listen some more. The real bad news is every submissive or slave is different, every submissive or slave has different needs, they need different rules, different structure, the communication may be on different levels.
It will not matter how much the submissive likes you or loves you if you are not able to fill the shoes they need you do not stand a chance. You have a few choices, you learn and you except or you find someone you have more things in common with and less responsibility…