Archive for the you have to train yourself Category

Dominant Support Group

Posted in abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Rules, BDSM Safety, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, Commit, commitment, communication, control, Dominant, Dominant Support Group, Dominants, Dominants Protocol, fetlife, MAST, Master, owning a slave, slave, Submission, submissive, Uncategorized, you have to train yourself with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I was actually reading a post from a Fetlife group and it caught my attention. I felt a need to share because it has a lot of good information.
The group unlike others is active but could use a few more members.

https://fetlife.com/groups/20948

I emailed the moderator last night to make sure it would be okay to re-post the topic and it is.

I believe having such a group can be of great importance , lets face it we do not have all the answers , and sometimes just hearing something from someone else can give us the boost that is needed.

To date there are times I need advice but my circle of people I can trust is growing smaller by the day.
I also do not want anything shared on CNN or Fox News so you have to be careful with whom you share your information with.

Sometime ago while at a local munch a slave I was living with was talking to other females, and this Dom was listening and he called my slave to the side telling her what I was doing was wrong.

She came to me and explained what she had done and she also explained what the other Dom had told her.
So me being me I confronted him. I first told him it was very disrespectful to call my property to the side and consult with her , I also explained he had no idea how my HOUSE was ran. He had no idea about our relationship.
I went deeper and I told him to keep his cock sucker shut , and next time would not be very pleasant.
What made things bad he was single and had been single since Mary gave birth. So he was trying to make me out to be the bad guy and he was going to rescue her. Fucking WOW!!!!!!

Some Dominants and Masters tend to be ego driven, they tend to want to share there know it all knowledge. Every fucking body is wrong it is there way or noway, and most of these guys are single. They want what someone else has , because they cannot find their own for what ever reason.

So a Dominant support group , a Dominant round table , a very good idea.

It is not everyday I pimp someone but I do from time to time if I believe the cause is good, and this so far has turned out to be an okay group.

In our world today as Dominants and Masters there comes a time when we need to be able to turn to someone.
I am not sure about others but I do know there are times I need to speak with someone and the truth is I really have no one to talk to.

Many Dominants do not understand our relationship or how I am able to maintain it. There are many who believe I am to strict as well , and I have even heard I am unethical.

One of the problems are , although we are suppose to be open minded and non judgmental when it comes to the lifestyle this is so far from the truth.

Because everyone is right but at the same time everyone is wrong. You don’t know what your doing. You are clueless about the lifestyle.

This goes back to what I have been saying for over two years now.
We are all different , every Submissive or Slave has different needs, personality’s are different , the different levels of structure , or rules that are needed.
Then you have those who are just in it for the kink, these are the ones who are the quickest to past judgement on someone.

I have talked about how if your meeting a New Dominant it is very important to make sure he is active in the community. It is very important he should be able to show you who he is..

I am not speaking of those who are married and you have ventured into our world, the lifestyle , because I am not sure if you fully understand where I am coming from.

Dominants need that interaction with others in the lifestyle , it is almost like two Elks butting heads on a mountain side, we need that interaction.
I know I need my fix , it gives me someone I can talk to I have something in common with.
That is why I am not grilling out with the Jones , because we have nothing in common and nothing to talk about.

Even if your a new Dominant to the lifestyle there is a lot of valuable information.

If you want to take that walk , the path is not easy and you will have to be committed , and yes to make a D’s Or M’s relationship work it takes a great deal of time , effort and work.
You have to be willing to grow and grow wisely. You have to learn to communicate, and listen. We hear everything but taking it in is the key.

This is the post I wanted to share.

Accusations-how should we handle them.

by Xtac

Two quotes:
For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don’t believe, no proof is possible. – Stuart Chase

EVERY accusation of consent violation has a predator and a victim..every one. The real question is, who is the predator and who is the victim? ~ Xtac quote

So.. based on the thinking framed above, I break action into two categories.
What to do about accusations (X advice)
If you do not have personal involvement.

Because every accusation has a victim, you should not risk the chance that you are contributing to an attempted character assassination nor should you act like a vigilante and take it upon yourself to act as the hand of vengeance to prevent further victimization.
If you do have personal involvement.

Victims should press all legal options. If behavior is illegal, and you are aware of the risks, it should be prosecuted. The proof needs to be tested in a court of law. Of course not everyone agrees. Including me

If it happened at an event, you should notify the event leaders right away. Friends of victims should limit their behavior to support of the victim. If you are a witness, write down what you remember asap. Memory changes over time. Offer to share your information with law and event leaders. For example, if a bottom specifies absolutely no genitalia contact during negotiation, yet while in a heavy subspace head space, is violated but barely conscious of the consent violation, as a friend you might come forth to say, I witnessed behavior that was not consensual, while you were out. It depends on how egregious and obvious the violation and of course your friends feelings about it.

Event leaders have the unique and unenviable job handling these complaints. Like captains of a ship, they are judge, jury, and executioner. They have withing their right, and responsibility to assess the evidence and ban people. ALL key members of an organization should be part of this process. It sucks, but you do not have the skills of a seasoned investigator so go with your gut instincts, and let the chips fall as they may.

If events have reciprocity, where vetting in one group is recognized by the other, it is incumbent upon both groups to share information privately between the key decision makers in each group. Either that or dissolve the reciprocity. You can’t have it both ways. That information however should be privileged. Members can go pound sand if they don’t like it. Internal decisions don’t need to be explained. Event leaders get to do as they please, for any reason at all.
But what about consent violation in the first degree!

It is a long standing legal principle that the actions of one person, that leads to the death of another, are not all treated the same. The law recognizes degrees of violation. In keeping with this thinking, it makes sense that a general idea of what we think constitutes a first, second or third degree violation of consent is.

I absolutely disagree that all consent violations be subject to one broad stroke of the brush. Accidents, poor negotiation, intent, history, and damage to the victims physical and mental well being are all considerations for the degree of the offense.

Questions event organizers might ask themselves are:

Is there a chance this was an accident
Was there room for misunderstanding in the negotiations
Was this arranged to allow abuse
Does the accused have a history
Was there physical contact
What was the degree of offense, resulting from contact

Possible actions by event leaders, depending on the degree, include admonishment, suspension, banning, or a life time ban are possible actions.

So, what are your thoughts and examples? What do you think justifies a life time ban, or a simple admonishment?

I found this to be an awesome topic I hope you enjoy and there is more to come….

support

Vile

Earning Ones Submission

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, anger, Anger Issues, Bad Dominant, Bad Reltionships, bdsm, Cheating Dominant, Commit, commitment, communication, conceded, control, controlling, Daddy Dom, Depression, Dominance Through Intimidation, Dominants who suffer from depression, emotional, Emotions, Fake Dominants, Health, Humiliation, Married Dominant, Master & Slave, pussy, Rules, self confidence, Self-Discipline, sex, slave, Structure, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used, sucking cock, Total Submission, TPE, violence, you have to train yourself with tags , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

First of all I would like to apologize for yesterdays post. That post is not who or what I am. After being called out in public by someone who clearly has no clue about submission or the lifestyle just really set me off.
If it had been a private email things would of been much different and probably not even brought up.

At one time I just expected submission, if you were submissive you belonged on your knees with a full mouth. I did not want to hold you, I did not want to hear about your day, I could care less about your family or friends. In fact I did not even want you to speak unless you were cooking and wanted to know what I wanted to eat.

Those who are true slave, and submissive’s are not weak, infact those who wish to submit are very strong, and most are very intelligent, but for some reason some see it as a weakness, and some Doms prey on such.

So it took me from about the age of 14 until I reached maybe 31 to realize there was so much more out there.

The truth is when I looked at a woman , I saw three holes and nothing more. You were only good if you were on your knees, your back or ass in the air.
Aftercare was unheard of, you know fuck that. If you want aftercare hold your pillow.
That was really my train of thought. Women were put here to suck cock, cook and clean.

I remember being out in California, I was seeing this little Blonde, well okay I saw her once. As she was sucking my cock in the Mcdonalds parking lot while I was eating my big mack, I didn’t even let her finish. I pulled her up by her hair and looked at her eye to eye, and I asked, what the fuck are you doing ? I am sucking your dick. Um no your being stupid and your broken, I started the car and she asked where we were going and I said I am taking you home, then I am going to jack off.
If you wanted to hang out you were going to suck my dick, or lay on your back. That was really my train of thought.

By the time I left Korea I knew how easy it was to get in someone’s head. It was so easy to play off of someone’s emotions. Once you were able to find that emotion button, it was game on, until I grew tried of her, which was maybe a week, that was a long term relationship to me.

When I first met you within the first 5 minutes, I knew if you sucked dick, and took it up the ass, if you answered no to any of those two questions the conversation was over.

Although I was active in the community, it was really hard for me to hookup with anyone at the local events, because they all knew me, and what I was about.

My early 30’s my train of thought began to change, as I began to have more interest in submission. I wanted to know what made them tick, what made them think, and why they needed to be submissive.

Over the years I have seen a pattern, this does not include EVERYONE so please take note.

I have had the privilege of meeting a lot of slaves and submissive’s , and one thing I have noticed , while each is very unique many had something in common. Many suffered from depression , anxiety , and even bipolar while most were on medication there was a handful who were not.
Many of these women tend to trust way to easy, thus making them an easy target.
The one major thing they all have in common is they are looking for security, they are seeking a home, and someone who will provide structure and safety.
Under the right circumstances many will adapt without question.
I can assure you that you will not find a more loyal partner. All we have to do is provide the right setting.
I have said in the past the first 90 days are the hardest but that is not always the case, many will fall right into place with the proper communication.

Trust is a huge issue and many are willing to turn over their life to you, in hopes you will take care of them.

If the Dominant is truly interested in you, he will have a long list of questions.
It is up to you to answer and be as honest as you can. If the answer is no, do not be afraid to say no, do not say yes just to please.

You should never allow anyone to demand you call them Sir , Master or Daddy. The Dominant will know it will come in time, he will know he has to earn your trust, and respect.

I know twenty years ago I didn’t care what you called me as long as you were on your knees. I had the attitude a woman had three pussy’s and they were just used as a cum dump nothing more. If I wanted to see you again I would say so, but I would make it clear I was not looking for anything long term.
Hey Vile can I come and visit? Sure you can if you plan on sucking cock I could use the company, that was the attitude I had, but I never lead anyone on.
Today I am not sure why some men have that need, why they have the need to lead on. Make someone believe something that is not true.
Well I plan on leaving my wife, yea we all know that is bullshit because if he was going to leave his wife he would just do it
Trust me I am not having sex with my wife. Really ? Get the fuck out. There is pussy in his bed and it is not free so he is fucking her.
My wife said I could see other people. Okay fine let me talk to her, since she does not care.
Yea then his cock sucker shuts up, well um not today or its okay she just does not want to know.
Okay when are you leaving? Why have you not left already if she is such a bitch ?

Last, a man who has a temper, a man who has a drinking problem, a man who is cheating on his wife , a man who is abusive , mental or physical , a man who lies.

Listen to me, that man is no Dominant, that man is no Master, That man is no Daddy Dom. In fact that man is nothing at all, he is just taking up valuable oxygen others need..

If a man cannot control his own life how can he control someone else?

Someone said the other day I am an egomaniac , and that statement is so far from the truth.
I may be a little cocky at times, but in real, I am just very confident.

crying

Vile

If something is earned you have so much more respect. There is no greater gift than earning someone’s submission.

Your Life Is Going To Change , You Also Have To Train Yourself

Posted in 24/7, Acceptance, Adapt, anal sex, anger, Argue, Arianna, ass fucking, bdsm, Being fucked, being used, Change, chat room, communication, fucking, kinky, No Panties, oral, oral sex, Patience, Protocol, Protocol public, Rules, Safe and Sane, Security, Self-Discipline, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, TPE, you have to train yourself on December 20, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Your the new Submissive or maybe your a slave or think your one. You are in for a huge shock, kinda like culture shock. I remember the first time I went out into a small town while I was stationed in Korea. I was shocked at the way people lived.  The one thing I did notice though is how happy people were, how family orientated people were, how family’s and friends helped each other. The culture shock took sometime for me to get use to, but only when I realized I was really no different than they were. Okay except for my kink. Even at the age of 17 I was kinky and going back I was at even a younger age.

Your a Submissive , maybe your a Slave or you think you are one of the other. Depending on the Dom you end up with could make a world of difference.

The first real thing that will hit you right in the face is your freedom. Your freedom to move about, go as you please. The freedom to make decisions. In some cases you may even lose some of your vanilla friends.

Again depending on your Dom you will now have rules to follow, and there will be consequences for not following your new rules. As an adult you will now be punished, and you will except willingly with no questions. You will have certain protocols to follow even if your Dominant does not call them protocols. Being told how to act in public, dress, speak these are all protocols.

Your whole life is going to be turned inside out. You have read information on the net, you have been in chat rooms, you have joined groups, talked to others who appear to be like you. Deep inside we may have some of the same ideas but in the end we are all different. What we expect out of our new found lifestyle.

Maybe you grew up in a nice vanilla home, a nice easy going christian home, with strong family values. The only sex you ever knew was missionary. You had family get together’s, maybe you were popular in school, the good girl next door.

So maybe you always felt a little different inside, you could not pin point it, but you had this weird feeling inside, feelings you could not figure out or how to put them into place.

Maybe you had thoughts deep sexual thoughts of just being taken and used for someone’s pleasure, maybe being kidnapped , tied down, being spanked, but in no way could you ever share these feelings. At this point in your life these were just fantasies.

Now your a grown woman as young as 18 as old as 50 or 60, we can never control our feelings, we can never really control who we fall in love with it just happens. Now your at the age where you can begin to try and figure things out. Because if you can figure it out you will have this sense of pure freedom. Your own little secret. Your dirty thoughts can now come to life.

Depending on the Dom you meet things can go well or things can be a total disaster. A total Disaster if you meet someone who just wants a piece of ass and tosses you to the side. Maybe he beat you black and blue, but you cannot tell anyone. You should shrug it off and keep on going until you find the one.

You are the one who has to adapt to the way your owner wants you, you have to adapt to his needs his wants. He does not adapt to your ways.

So you found him, the one who you are going to give yourself completely. You both just clock, you both have the deep feeling of truly needing each other. This also happens to those who are married younger or older something just clicks inside, now instead of husband and wife they are now Master and Slave.It does happen to new couples as well as older.

Now the vanilla girl has found her new Dominant, her new Master, her new Owner, this is where you life will change and change really big.

You were use to guys begging you for a little pussy, most of the guys you dated really got off if you just gave them a hand job in the front seat of his dads car, maybe some head, but you were use to the begging, men kissed your ass to get between your legs. You had all the control, either you would spread or he would end up going home and jacking off that night, but you girl were in full control.

Now the coin is flipped, you are no longer in control, you now have rules to follow, told what to wear, and when. In most cases your panties are now a thing of the past. You are told to be fresh at all times , freshly shaved, your hair, what makeup to wear if any.

You are now for someones pleasure, your body and mind, and in most cases unless your a bedroom submissive only, your body is not for just pure pleasure.

Now when you are told to get on your knees and suck cock you will do so willingly, no questions asked. when you are told to spread and you get your brains fucked out you will do with out question and many times it is all about your Master, your Owner. Your time to cum will come when he feels like letting you.

Those nice little summer dresses you once wore out that went to the knees are now all but gone. Now your told how to dress. Now your dressing more like a little whore, yea it takes sometime to get use to, but I know in my eyes I enjoy showing my slave off. I love it when guys look and I know they are thinking about fucking her. You can look but you cannot touch.

Your skirts are going to get shorter, your shorts, the way you dress will now change for ever. In some cases the way you walk, the way you talk, act while out with your new owner. You will speak when spoken to when out, or like me most of the time I allow Arianna to speak openly, but I have the control to make her speechless if I so choose.

Culture shock will hit you hard, now you have to think real deep. Is this the life I truly want. Do I want to give up this much control. Do I just want to be used,

What do you get in return. You get the life you have always dreamed of. Someone being in full control, someone who truly cares about you, someone who will communicate with you, allows you to share your thoughts and feelings. Someone who takes an interest in you, someone who will be there when no one else would. Someone who will spend hours holding you, and you knowing everything will be alright. The best thing is you do not have to worry about anything because everything is in your owners hands

So the next time your on your knees or on your back, you think about everything you get in return, you will see a very different prospective, more so your feeling will change. You will grow to have the need to be used, in anyway your owner sees fit.

The main thing is your owner keeping his word, walking the walk and talking the talk.

It can be a very rewarding life, long lasting. A life many only dream of having but can never take that to their spouse in fear of being rejected.

Now we as Dominants, Master and Owners we are looking for someone we can train, someone we can mold to fit our needs and wants. We are looking for the perfect one, who will make us complete.

Your probably asking where does the training myself come into play? How can I possibly train myself when my Owner is suppose to be the one who trains me.

Training yourself is a mindset , instead of blurting out comments about how you feel, you now have to think before speaking. You can speak your mind but now you have to say things in a very polite way. You have to learn to control any anger issues you may have. If you have any anger issues and the Dominant cannot work through them, he will walk away, and walk away with out any hesitation. If you had or have any Drama you have to train yourself to control it, again if the Dominant cannot work his way though something he will walk away.

You will have to train your mind when it comes to being used be it sucking cock, or just spreading you will have to change your feelings your thoughts, most of all you have to come to realize you are for someones pleasure. This is you training your mind, training the way you think , the way you act.

Your Dominant cannot do it all you are going to have to step in and be willing to let him take full control over you, and be happy doing so. You will have to crave his touch, and be willing to please at the snap of a finger. Your Dominant now comes first without question, no questions asked.

You are there for him and only him.

Image

Vile