Archive for Arianna’s Rules

Dominant Support Group

Posted in abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Rules, BDSM Safety, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, Commit, commitment, communication, control, Dominant, Dominant Support Group, Dominants, Dominants Protocol, fetlife, MAST, Master, owning a slave, slave, Submission, submissive, Uncategorized, you have to train yourself with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I was actually reading a post from a Fetlife group and it caught my attention. I felt a need to share because it has a lot of good information.
The group unlike others is active but could use a few more members.

https://fetlife.com/groups/20948

I emailed the moderator last night to make sure it would be okay to re-post the topic and it is.

I believe having such a group can be of great importance , lets face it we do not have all the answers , and sometimes just hearing something from someone else can give us the boost that is needed.

To date there are times I need advice but my circle of people I can trust is growing smaller by the day.
I also do not want anything shared on CNN or Fox News so you have to be careful with whom you share your information with.

Sometime ago while at a local munch a slave I was living with was talking to other females, and this Dom was listening and he called my slave to the side telling her what I was doing was wrong.

She came to me and explained what she had done and she also explained what the other Dom had told her.
So me being me I confronted him. I first told him it was very disrespectful to call my property to the side and consult with her , I also explained he had no idea how my HOUSE was ran. He had no idea about our relationship.
I went deeper and I told him to keep his cock sucker shut , and next time would not be very pleasant.
What made things bad he was single and had been single since Mary gave birth. So he was trying to make me out to be the bad guy and he was going to rescue her. Fucking WOW!!!!!!

Some Dominants and Masters tend to be ego driven, they tend to want to share there know it all knowledge. Every fucking body is wrong it is there way or noway, and most of these guys are single. They want what someone else has , because they cannot find their own for what ever reason.

So a Dominant support group , a Dominant round table , a very good idea.

It is not everyday I pimp someone but I do from time to time if I believe the cause is good, and this so far has turned out to be an okay group.

In our world today as Dominants and Masters there comes a time when we need to be able to turn to someone.
I am not sure about others but I do know there are times I need to speak with someone and the truth is I really have no one to talk to.

Many Dominants do not understand our relationship or how I am able to maintain it. There are many who believe I am to strict as well , and I have even heard I am unethical.

One of the problems are , although we are suppose to be open minded and non judgmental when it comes to the lifestyle this is so far from the truth.

Because everyone is right but at the same time everyone is wrong. You don’t know what your doing. You are clueless about the lifestyle.

This goes back to what I have been saying for over two years now.
We are all different , every Submissive or Slave has different needs, personality’s are different , the different levels of structure , or rules that are needed.
Then you have those who are just in it for the kink, these are the ones who are the quickest to past judgement on someone.

I have talked about how if your meeting a New Dominant it is very important to make sure he is active in the community. It is very important he should be able to show you who he is..

I am not speaking of those who are married and you have ventured into our world, the lifestyle , because I am not sure if you fully understand where I am coming from.

Dominants need that interaction with others in the lifestyle , it is almost like two Elks butting heads on a mountain side, we need that interaction.
I know I need my fix , it gives me someone I can talk to I have something in common with.
That is why I am not grilling out with the Jones , because we have nothing in common and nothing to talk about.

Even if your a new Dominant to the lifestyle there is a lot of valuable information.

If you want to take that walk , the path is not easy and you will have to be committed , and yes to make a D’s Or M’s relationship work it takes a great deal of time , effort and work.
You have to be willing to grow and grow wisely. You have to learn to communicate, and listen. We hear everything but taking it in is the key.

This is the post I wanted to share.

Accusations-how should we handle them.

by Xtac

Two quotes:
For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don’t believe, no proof is possible. – Stuart Chase

EVERY accusation of consent violation has a predator and a victim..every one. The real question is, who is the predator and who is the victim? ~ Xtac quote

So.. based on the thinking framed above, I break action into two categories.
What to do about accusations (X advice)
If you do not have personal involvement.

Because every accusation has a victim, you should not risk the chance that you are contributing to an attempted character assassination nor should you act like a vigilante and take it upon yourself to act as the hand of vengeance to prevent further victimization.
If you do have personal involvement.

Victims should press all legal options. If behavior is illegal, and you are aware of the risks, it should be prosecuted. The proof needs to be tested in a court of law. Of course not everyone agrees. Including me

If it happened at an event, you should notify the event leaders right away. Friends of victims should limit their behavior to support of the victim. If you are a witness, write down what you remember asap. Memory changes over time. Offer to share your information with law and event leaders. For example, if a bottom specifies absolutely no genitalia contact during negotiation, yet while in a heavy subspace head space, is violated but barely conscious of the consent violation, as a friend you might come forth to say, I witnessed behavior that was not consensual, while you were out. It depends on how egregious and obvious the violation and of course your friends feelings about it.

Event leaders have the unique and unenviable job handling these complaints. Like captains of a ship, they are judge, jury, and executioner. They have withing their right, and responsibility to assess the evidence and ban people. ALL key members of an organization should be part of this process. It sucks, but you do not have the skills of a seasoned investigator so go with your gut instincts, and let the chips fall as they may.

If events have reciprocity, where vetting in one group is recognized by the other, it is incumbent upon both groups to share information privately between the key decision makers in each group. Either that or dissolve the reciprocity. You can’t have it both ways. That information however should be privileged. Members can go pound sand if they don’t like it. Internal decisions don’t need to be explained. Event leaders get to do as they please, for any reason at all.
But what about consent violation in the first degree!

It is a long standing legal principle that the actions of one person, that leads to the death of another, are not all treated the same. The law recognizes degrees of violation. In keeping with this thinking, it makes sense that a general idea of what we think constitutes a first, second or third degree violation of consent is.

I absolutely disagree that all consent violations be subject to one broad stroke of the brush. Accidents, poor negotiation, intent, history, and damage to the victims physical and mental well being are all considerations for the degree of the offense.

Questions event organizers might ask themselves are:

Is there a chance this was an accident
Was there room for misunderstanding in the negotiations
Was this arranged to allow abuse
Does the accused have a history
Was there physical contact
What was the degree of offense, resulting from contact

Possible actions by event leaders, depending on the degree, include admonishment, suspension, banning, or a life time ban are possible actions.

So, what are your thoughts and examples? What do you think justifies a life time ban, or a simple admonishment?

I found this to be an awesome topic I hope you enjoy and there is more to come….

support

Vile

The Mental Part Of BDSM

Posted in abuse, Arianna, bdsm, Bipolar, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Depressed, Dominance, Dominant, Dominants, FaceBook Vile Woods, Master, Master And Slave, Meeting your new Dom/Master, Mental BDSM, punish, Punishment, Rules, slave, Spanking, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

My very first experience was with a masochist. I had met her on yahoo going through yahoo profiles. A mother of three boys all who were in special Education classes and on medication ages 6 , 9 and 12. Sherri was Bi-Polar as well and suffered from depression.
I never even thought of having a relationship with her as a matter of fact that conversation never came up.
If it did I would of walked away , washed my hands and moved on. What is more incredible the seven years we saw each other I never fucked her , well her pussy or ass. Her mouth did take a lot of abuse though.

It was not about rules , there were none , there were no protocols , no structure.

The whole relationship was about pain and humiliation and nothing more . Belts , rods , canes , the single tail whip , tens units , fisting pussy and ass..
There was no communication at all it was about using and abusing. This is what she needed and if he had not been me it would of been someone else.

I was young and fairly new to the lifestyle , we my first Master and Slave somewhat of a relationship.

I was introduced to BDSM while stationed in Korea early 1981 maybe 82 I do believe , but it was not called BDSM.
I had a very good friend who was in the Korean Army and he was assigned to our platoon.
His name was Kim and they were called Katusa’s . His pay at that time was like 8 dollars a month and he sent half of that home.

My interest with being in control started much younger though as I have spoken about before, but the show I was invited to while in Korea really set something off….

One mistake many Dominant make Masters as well is we become to predictable, meaning our property figures us out. Once that happens you can slowly begin to lose ground on your control.

The Submissive or Slave is submitting with their mind, BDSM does have have to be physical , although the term Bondage , Discipline , Sado , Masochist. That you can see as being physical.

I believe 90% of the lifestyle is mental , getting in ones head , picking their brain. In order to do this you truly have to know your partner.

You have to know your slave or submissive inside out , and I have a theory about that.

You have to know all of the Why’s. The Why’s ! Why do you listen to a certain type of music? Why do you like dressing the way you do? Why do you like the foods you do ?
The list goes on and on. It was not long ago Arianna had a long talk about the brand of makeup she preferred and why she liked it. You may think this sounds stupid but it works.

What makes them think the way they do ? You have to know the Why’s , because if you do not you will never fully know your partner.

You need to set time aside on a daily basis so the two of you can just talk , I mean talk about anything and everything, on a certain topic or about the weather.
You want to know how their day went , How was work ? How was lunch ?

Women in general are not good about giving up information if something is wrong and this proves to be more so with a submissive or slave.

If you think something is wrong chances are your right, but if you ask and she says nothing, just let it go. You need to drop it and bring it up later.
By not dropping it and continuing with your questioning , that is where most of your arguments come from. Let it go and a little time later bring it back up.
You need to reassure them they can talk to you about anything. You need to let it be known your only asking because you care.

You the Dominant , when you start making demands your only causing a shut down, and that is not our goal.
When you start to demand submission , you cause a shut down, you want your slave to feel like they can speak freely about what is on their mind or any thoughts they may have.

While it is true a D’s or M’s relationship does not have to be physical , most have it imbedded in their mind that pain has to play a part in such a relationship, again we are visual , and if you google BDSM and click on images you see some bitch getting her ass beat.

Even when you speak of someone reaching sub-space it is always associated with pain , and I know myself that pain is not necessary to reach sub-space. Ia m not saying inflicting pain is a bad thing, but many will take what is giving just to please.

I myself want that mental capability , I want to know someone well enough to be able to draw them into that rim of play. While it has only happened a few times Arianna giggles while in sub-space.
Achieving sub-space is like a woman having an orgasm , it is not going to happen every time.

Knowing your property well enough to have that type of control is truly amazing.

http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Domination_and_submission_%28BDSM%29

Domination and submission (also known as D&s, Ds or D/s) is a set of psychosexual behaviors, customs and rituals relating to the giving and accepting of dominance of one individual over another in an erotic or lifestyle context. It is part of the BDSM group of paraphilias.

D/s is often referred to as the “mental” side of BDSM. Physical contact is not a necessity, and can even be conducted anonymously over telephone, email or (more recently) instant messaging services. In other cases it can be intensely physical, sometimes traversing into sadomasochism. In D/s, one takes pleasure or erotic enjoyment out of either dominating or being dominated. Those who take the superior position are called Dominants, Doms (male) or Dommes (female), while those who take the subordinate position are called subs or submissives. A switch is an individual who plays in either role. Two switches together may negotiate and exchange roles several times in a session. Submissives generally outnumber Dominants, with male subs outnumbering Dommes by the widest margin, often three to one or more. “Dominatrix” is a term usually reserved for a female professional dominant who dominates others for pay. It should be noted that a Dominatrix is not a prostitute, and sexual services are not usually provided. There also exist D/s relationships outside of the BDSM community, or where the dominance and submission is not sexual or erotic in nature, which are not referenced here.

Master/slave

In casual D/s relationships the sub only submits occasionally and with definite short-term goals, perhaps for an evening or the duration of a party.

In longer, committed relationships many people opt for the Master/slave model, in which consent is negotiated once for a long period and the consent given is generally broader. Slave contracts are often negotiated for a one year term, but longer and shorter terms are possible, lifetime contracts are rare but not unknown. Where the contract is in effect continuously, the relationship is referred to as “24/7”. The limits of the slave contract can vary widely and extend into other areas of BDSM. Some people opt to be purely “sex slaves”, while others who prefer domestic service identify as “service slaves”. Some slaves allow their Masters or Mistresses complete latitude as to the demands that can be placed on them. Such a relationship is known as Total Power Exchange or TPE.

People usually only enter into a Master/slave contract after they have known and played with each other for some time, often several years. It can be one of the most difficult relationships in the BDSM world to maintain, and requires special skills and experience.

The mental side of BDSM runs really deep , and i can tell you from experience it is not something I learned over night. This is more so with the control and even learning to control my temper. It took me a very long time to learn that communication was the base of the relationship but having the ability to listen and take information in was and is just as important.

Many inexperienced Dominants look to punishment as a form to run their relationship. They spend most of their time waiting on their property to break a rule. That is why most overload their property with to many rules, knowing there is no way in keeping things in tact, so yes rules will be broken and punishment will be giving, most of the time over something stupid.

That is not the type of control I seek or want , I want that mental control. I want to keep Arianna on her toes and not knowing what I have planned next.

Arianna’s rules are structured based , her rules are to help her in her everyday life. There is nothing sexual in her rules.

We as Dominants want to see our property improve in their daily life, we want to set goals and when goals are set we need to be there to help.

Although communication is the base of any relationship , I also believe positive reinforcement plays a huge role in a D’s or M’s relationship.
Positive reinforcement will also make communication much easier , your property will feel comfortable enough to communicate with you on all levels.

Just like during our play which has little to no pain , it is about the mental side. Blind folded and gagged , she has no idea what I am going to do to her. Most of the time it is very quite and this keeps her guessing even as the candle wax drips on her or just touching her. Sometimes the not knowing is far more effective than the pain.

Before entering a relationship it is far better to know someone inside out before making that commitment, more so in our lifestyle.

During play more so during S&M play the dominant needs to consider the mental side of the sub or slave.
Meaning depression or even bi-polar because a serious break down could take place and we are responsible for their well being.
This is why I highly disagree with a Dominant wanting to play on the first meet because there is no way he can know enough about the sub or slave and their mental status.
You can tell the difference in who cares and who does not.

Just my thoughts.

mental

Vile

My Wife , My Partner , My Slave

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, A Submissive's Home, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, anticipation, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Rules, BDSM Safety, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, Commit, commitment, communication, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, Dominants, FaceBook Vile Woods, Master, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Meeting your new Dom/Master, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, Total Submission, TPE, Train your slave, Training Arianna, training your slave, Training your submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 20, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Wow it has been two years now and we are still counting. I would like to say that each passing day gets better.

You know there is one thing we all want , and that is to find the perfect partner. Someone who is not just our partner , but our best friend, someone we can count on, turn to. We all want someone we can spend the rest of our life with, someone we can grow old with and sit on the porch in the evening , and talk about our past , present , and future.

The lifestyle is just a little different , because our needs are different. The way we view relationships is different , because your either a Dominant or your a submissive , and if you want to go deeper a slave and owned property.

Your stepping into a wide open world, and in many cases the world of the unknown. A new life journey, a new path , but we want to know what direction we are traveling in. What is more important you want to know you are going to be taking care of.

Being a submissive , slave or Baby girl is no easy task. You are really giving up so much, but under the right conditions you can gain so much more.

So 4 years ago I set out on a journey , and that journey was to find the perfect Slave , partner and wife.
I had made up my mind it was time to settle down. It was becoming old waking up in the morning alone , although I have always preferred being alone.
A year before meeting Arianna , I agreed to let a couple move in , I had been looking for a roommate for a while. It was not because I needed the money , I suppose it was more of a company thing , like during dinner or something.

Just prior to that I was living in a cabin on the river which was very relaxing and more so because there were no people near me. It was a short time after I became ill and after a dozen times going to the doctor we determined the cabin was full of mold, and I had spores on my lungs, so I had to move.
I underwent a couple of months of treatments and I was slowly beginning to feel better.

I ran across a house that was being remolded and I asked about renting it. It just so happened the house was right in the middle of the Hood. The house set on a street all alone so there was no one around me, but I was the only white dude with in about 6 or 8 blocks.
I quickly felt at home and I had made a couple of good friends. The only problem with friends is they want to visit , and I am not the social type , I tend to be out spoken and some take my personality offensive at times and my rather dry sense of humor.
The only reason I moved in was the house had just been remodeled other wise I would of never thought about moving there.

Okay I got off track a little so here we go.

I got real tired of jumping from relationship to relationship, and it was all because I was settling for less that what I wanted and needed. I was fulfilling the moment knowing it was not going to work, but I played it out until it ended. It was for companionship and nothing more and that never ends well.

So I was in the process of moving to the Philippines I already had a job lined up.
I had been searching for almost 2 years for the one, and I refused to settle for anything less. I already had my mind made up. So when it seemed I was just out of luck that is when I made arrangements to relocate.

Then One day I received a call from a Dom I knew who lives in Orlando and he said he wanted to introduce me to someone. He said we would be a perfect fit.

So reluctantly I agreed to meet and when I saw Arianna getting out of her SUV. I thought Lord Jesus there is a God. Wow I almost spit my coffee out.

So we talked for a couple of hours , we met again the next day and talked more, and the more we talked the more I thought it was some joke. Because I had never met anyone who did not object to anything as far as my needs and wants.

Then came the blow we talked about her needs and being micromanaged , protocols and rules. This was something I had to give a great deal of thought about because I had been in a micromanaged relationship before and it was really not my thing.

One thing I want to make clear, I was not looking for a housekeeper , or a cook. My house for the most was spotless. I was not looking for someone to do my laundry , and I was not looking for a mother figure.

I wanted to live an M’s relationship , nothing less. I was not looking for a submissive, why ? Because a submissive negotiates their relationship, a submissive has the right to say NO. I had tried that and it failed. There were not going to be any type of negotiation , the slave had to fit my needs.

You cannot be Master and Slave 24/7 it is impossible. You not only have your everyday life you have to deal with, but you have to be best friends.
You have to at some point and time be normal, there has to be a vanilla side that comes out.

I am a huge cut up, most people never know when I am serious or not.

We do have protocols in place and daily rituals that keeps us in that frame of mind, but we also have date nights we go out and do things together, and yes I even go clothes shopping with Arianna.

You as a submissive or slave should always come first in your relationship, that is your right. If your not you have the right to question, you also have the right to walk away.

If something is not going right you have the right to question. Again you are and should be number one.

I currently work from home , my office is covered with Arianna, I have pictures on the wall on my desk so where ever I look I see her, and she is the reason I am here today.
She is my last thought before I fall a sleep and my first breath when I wake and she is laying next to me.

Being in a D’s or M’s relationship is so much more than just barking orders or punishing you for something you really did not do.

The relationship is meant to provide security , structure , and yes rules but the rules are meant to provide the mentioned.

Once Arianna and I agreed to start a relationship , she really had no idea her training had started, I said nothing. It was an intense 90 day run we had.
Training is never over it is on going , I call it daily Maintenance , and that requires me to me consistent on a daily basis.
As Arianna grows she is always coming up with new ways she sees that she can hmmm reach a deeper state of submission.

The other night we were talking and she made the comment that she felt the mental aspect of our relationship more so than she would with pain.
The fact is I have never left a bruise on Arianna nor do I wish to.

Arianna had been in two bad M’s relationships prior to meeting me.
One of the first things I did was introduce her to people I knew in the local community, and people I had know for over twenty years..
It was not something I felt I had to do , but I wanted to put her mind at ease. Maybe it was to validate who I was. I do know she had been abused and lied to in the past.

Today her training still continues. We talk everyday , I want to know how she is feeling, what she is thinking, is there anything she wants to talk about.
Often she comes to me with ideas about how she wants to grow or explore an idea she has.

So if your Dominant says he wants to train you. You need to ask him to clarify just what his training means. What are you going to get out of his plan ? How is his training going to help you grow ?

One thing that cracks me up is when a sub or slave meets a new dominant he wants to impose rules.
I find that truly funny and I would assume the guy is a total dumb ass because he knows nothing about you, he knows nothing about your needs or habits.

NEVER I mean NEVER send anyone nude pictures of you unless you want your kids finding them on the internet one day and that will happen.
If he wants nude pictures tell him to use google. You sending pictures of yourself does not in anyway prove your submission.

To date Arianna and I continue to grow as with our love, and to date we have yet to have an argument and that is the truth, and it is not because she is not allowed to speak or ask questions, it is because of our communication.

Unfortunately for many when they first meet a New Dominant , one of the first words out of his mouth is. I am going to train you , I am going to teach you my ways.
That is the last thing you hear about training , unless you fuck up then it is brought back up about how his training has helped you.

Once that statement is made the first time you meet , your relationship becomes sexual and nothing more. There is little to no communication , there is no structure, there is nothing but you on your knees or on your back. Don’t get me wrong some are very happy with a situation like Ive stated above.
I am also sure some of you have experienced just what I just spoke about, and it is really sad you continue to follow such a dumb ass.

Your caught up in the moment , your caught up in the awe of things because you are now owned , and it is clear you the sub or slave really has no clear definition of the lifestyle.
What is even more disturbing you really do not have a clue as to what your looking for, you just know your looking for something.
You really have no clear definition , what the lifestyle really means.

When I started my journey I knew exactly what I was looking for in a partner. I knew the height, the weight , the personality. I had a clear picture in my head of how I wanted to live. I refused to settle for less because I knew inside I was better, I knew I deserved better and I refused to settle for less.

Life today is good , it could not get any better , and it is more than I ever dreamed possible, but that is because I had patience.

Your training is never ending because we change, as humans our needs change on a daily basis, so we either lose or we adapt. I can assure you it is much easier to adapt.

Once you have everything in place , it is just daily communication to keep the flow of things going. I cannot stress enough how much these two words mean. Consistent and consistency. You should have post it notes all over your home with these two words, and you should live by them and refuse to settle for any less.

Here is the thing , you already know your submissive, you already know you want to submit. You know your a slave , you already know you want to serve.
You do not want to be told to, you do not want someone to demand you submit. You should want to be in a place where you can do so willingly.
You want someone to step in and mold you.

You want a Dominant who can take what you have to offer and perfect it, and there is such a thing as perfection. You want someone who wants to grow with you and care enough to have the need to guide you.

You want someone who is going to be there for you, when times are good and when they are bad, you want someone who will understand your neediness and not see it as a weakness. You want someone who really understands you.

It is not science , it is not even math. It is both of you being who you are and wanting the same thing out of life. That my friend is not asking for a kidney.

Arianna grows almost daily , and now she is at the point to where she is able to express your inner thoughts and her needs , and it is me who adapts to her needs . In turn this allows her to grow and it gives her a chance to explore her submission…

The road is not hard and you can prevent pot holes.

Consistency

Vile

My 1000th Post

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, anger, Argue, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, BDSM Safety, commitment, communication, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control with tags , , , , , , , , on October 25, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

It is hard to believe I have hit 1000 post, time sure does fly by.

I started my blog The Kinky World Of Vile with one intent.
I wanted to give a guide to those who are entering the awesome world of BDSM.

Much of my blog is about me, my past , present and a little about where I think my future will take me.

The biggest thing I hit on though is safety. What you should be looking out for when your looking for a new partner, a Dominant, a Master, or a Daddy Dom. Because in the past 20 yrs or so I have filled different roles in the lifestyle.

Safety is huge today, and if you do not know anything about the lifestyle, it can be a very hard road.
Unfortunately most of what we learn in life is by making mistakes , mistakes can be good if you learn from them.

In the past I have taken advantage of women, in the past I have used women, just so I could get what I wanted.

I have had many successful relationships that ended because it was just time to move on, and I have been in relationships that ended in failure, and the failure was my own doing, my fault.
I have been in relationships that were just convenient for that time. It is good sometimes to have a piece of ass around when you want it, or you would think so, but it is not always what it seems.

I have shared my first real experience with a Slave. How I learned so much from her, and now as I look back, what we did she craved but in my eyes it was just abuse.
Sherri called me Master but I was so far from being a Dominant it was not funny , and I was never a Master, nor was I in control.
I was someone who inflicted pain so someone could get off. There were no rules, no protocols, nothing.
The biggest part of the relationship was about humiliation. Some would think it was fun, but it really became a burden because I had to out do what I had done with new sessions.

What I did learn though was impact play. I learned where it was safe to hit and not safe to hit. Believe it or not you can really hurt someone if you do not know what you are doing.

As I look back if I had met her today I would not of entered such a relationship. Number one that is not me, and two I know now what I did was abuse, because of her mental state.

I do however believe just because someone is bipolar does not mean they cannot enter a D’s or M’s relationship. Being with someone who truly cares about you and your well being makes a real difference.

I have posted material about how someone knew could meet a new Dominant and the questions to ask. I have mentioned the warning signs, and how to tell if someone is real or not.
It is so easy to avoid a huge disaster , and move on until you find the right one.

While the majority of my relationships have been long term, the reason they did not last as in the one, was because I settled for something less.
I settled for the then, the now instead of what I wanted and needed

You cannot change who you are, I have tried, I left the lifestyle in search of something that was not there, and even being unhappy I remained loyal, until the day I left, because I made a commitment.
Many believe they are submissive but once they enter a relationship they come to terms that they are not. Most Dominants will try to stick it out, but will soon walk away.

This is something the submissive cannot understand but the Dominant is doing the right thing. It is not fair to her and it is not fair to him..

Many women who are married to a vanilla male and she wakes up one morning with a burning desire to serve, cannot expect her partner to step in and turn his life around or his beliefs.

Many see D’s or M’s as abuse and it is a mental picture that will never go away
The first word out of the submissive’s mouth is more control, and this is all the male hears and he wants no part of that.
He married you to take care of the home, the bills, the cooking the laundry, getting the car serviced.

So you either pack up and leave, or you suck it up like your suppose to.

I have talked about how I truly believe a woman can find herself at a later age, meaning something triggers an emotion, something triggers the need to serve.

I also believe this is less likely to happen with a Male Dominant.
A male Dominant is born, he is Dominant by nature. I knew in my early teens I was different. I had different needs when it came to sex.
It was not even really about sex it was about control, and it took me years to perfect what I have today.

When I am talking I am giving a males side of things not just mine. I am telling you how we think, what makes us tick.

So you need to take a few steps to insure you are getting exactly what you need in a relationship.

Okay so if a Dom you are first meeting gets upset because you are asking to many questions, he does not have your best interest in mind.

Your going to be the one laying on your back, your going to be the one on your knees, so you should have expectations, you should have questions and concerns.
Are your limits going to be respected ? Are you going to be number one in his life?

One of the first questions most ask is are you Bi ? Have you ever been with another woman ? Do you have fantasy’s about it?
If you say no then here comes the disapproval , here comes the I am the dominant you do as I say.

I myself love seeing two women together, there is nothing more hotter, than watching a woman go down on another woman.

Here is the thing Arianna is no Bi although she has been with a few women.

I respect her and I respect her enough to never force her to do something her heart is not into.
Another question , why would I take a chance and fuck up what I have now? Why would I want to possibly hurt Arianna? Hurting her mentally.
Arianna comes first and she always will, on another note I am living the dream because as it is I get anything I want, and I do mean anything.
So I would never jeopardize what I have , in the end I could lose everything.

So my 1000th post or blog what ever you call it. While I do not claim to know everything, nor do I believe my way is the only way, I would hope you can take bits and pieces and put something together.

I have talked about Training. Training does not really take place in a D’s relationship and even less in a Daddy Dom relationship.
Although at one time I filled those shoes, it was not who I was or wanted to be, I let my emotions get the best of me.
Even today When at a Munch or a MAsT meeting I have trouble relating to other Dominants and more so the Daddy Doms, because it seems there is no type of structure or protocols.
It is not to say all relationships are that way, but I suppose that is why I do not have that many friends.

Twenty plus years in the lifestyle and their is one Dominant I call a true friend, and sometimes he even makes me shake my head but we can relate to each other.

I currently have others I am trying to get close to, but I am having a hard time. Even as friends you have to have something in common.

I have spoken about how important it is to become friends before moving into a D’s relationship. Although communication is a very valuable asset, compatibility comes into play and compatibility in my eyes could be a serious deal breaker.
You want a Dominant who wants to get to know you as a person first, instead of someone who just wants their cock sucked.

A well structured home is a stable home. A Dominant with not anger issues is a stable home. Consistency equals a stable home, communication open communication equals a stable home.

The same goes for the male Dominant as well, many times the Dominant will settle for less, thinking he will be able to change someone. Many times this will not work out, and it becomes more of a struggle and causing stress and arguing.

The idea is not to change someone  but to improve on what is there , while it is true we train to fit our needs, changing someone to someone they are not will never work.

I think this goes to men who are vanilla as well, settling for less and they end up looking outside the home to be happy. It is not fair to your partner because you made the mistake. It is not fair to your partner to mislead them.

Then when your caught and you will get caught you put the blame on them, but that is just to make you feel good…

Think about it, if your seeing a married Dominant who is cheating, and he is telling you how bad his wife is behind her back, think about what he is telling his friends about you behind your back.

If you stop and think about it, if his life was really so fucking bad he would of been long gone. He would of already been divorced prior to meeting you. Then you have to look deeper, if he is cheating on her, he will cheat on you, if you think other wise you need to do some real soul searching.

Training a slave, I have talked about the importance of being not only consistent during training but after as well. Consistency means everything.

Prior to training a plan should be put together a short term plan as well as a long term plan. It is very important you know the slave, it is very important you know the needs of the slave.

Prior to training Arianna I spent about a week putting a plan together that I would would work. I also looked at what aspects of the training I would have any type of resistance , and how I would handle it.

Once I started I never said okay get ready get set go. I slowly introduced things into her life. One of the first things I did was validate who I was not what I was but who. So I introduced her to very close friends in the lifestyle I had known for 15 plus years and some beyond 20 years. I had nothing to prove, I wanted to make her feel more comfortable knowing I had been truthful with her, I was in fact who I said I was.

The initial training was roughly 90 days, and it was 90 days of no real freedom, very little speech, and a lot of listening and paying attention. We attended local events, and I even invited another Master and Slave over and Arianna was the host.

The one thing that threw me off was the lack of resistance, Arianna just went with the flow. The truth is that was something I had not counted on, and although I was somewhat confused I just went ahead as planned.

To date I have never left a Mark on Arianna, and I have never raised my voice to her. To date we have never had an argument. It is not because she is not allowed to voice her opinion, it is because we have the right connection.

A Dominant who is abusive has no place in the lifestyle, a Dominant with a temper has no place in the lifestyle. A Dominant with a drinking problem has no place in the lifestyle. A Dominant with drug addiction has no place in the lifestyle.

My way may not be your way, as a matter of fact I am almost sure its not, but what I am giving you is the foundation, something you can build on.

In my world there is such a thing as perfection and she wakes every morning. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. At times I just set back and look and I think to myself , yea I did that.

Vile radio is coming That I promise, things have just been so busy, but it is something we are working on, it will be a lot of fun, and yet another get away for me…

1000 post post and another 1000 coming, much love to all the awesome people who follow my blog, and a huge thanks to those who stop by.

1000

You know your always free to comment , and you do not have to agree with me, your also welcome to ask questions, but just make sure you want the truth.

Vile

Before Your Training……

Posted in 50 Shades Of Grey, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationship, Dominant, Dominants, Dominants Protocol, Master and slave relationship, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Training seems to be an area many of you who are submissive have been mislead on. It seems many of you have been giving incorrect information, or your just being used.

Remember my blog is my own opinion , but you also have to remember I am giving you a males point of view and nothing more.

Courtship , courtships are so nice, I remember dating back in school, and the courtship set the pace of what was to come.

Although once I hit the age of 14 I went through some huge changes. It was as though I woke one morning a different person, something animalistic inside me came to life.

Courtship before BDSM the getting to know each other phase, the giggling and laughing. The different foods we like, how we like our steaks cooked. The music we like, places we have traveled and so on.

Something I did prior to meeting Arianna, if I was considering a relationship. I would require the slave to write a journal for 30 days.

You cannot possibly enter a D’s Or M’s relationship not knowing each other. You and I know this can not be done in a week or even two weeks.

Now if your just looking for the kink side of things, and your not interested in the structure, protocol’s and everything else that goes along with a D’s relationship , then the above would not include you.

It takes roughly a month for the Dominant to know you well enough , before he can start implementing rules and Protocols. The Dominant has to know you inside and out.

Something else you have to consider, every Dominant is different, every Dominant has different expectations, goals, and needs.

A journal is an inside peak into your life, it tells who you are, what your thoughts are, your needs, and what you need out of a relationship.

I would take the journal and spend about a week reading it so I could come to understand the slave. I wanted to know what made the slave tick. I wanted to know what the slaves needs were. Where she was now and where she wanted to be in the future.

Putting a plan together, a training plan that would benefit the slave.

As a Dominant or Master our only concern is our property is being taking care of, mentally and physically, nothing else matters because we are now going to put our property before anything else in our life. We have made a clear commitment and a promise we would be there for them no matter what….

You should be number one at all times, that is what you expect and you should not settle for anything less..

Compatibility is the first both will need to find out, if you agree to enter a relationship and you really know nothing about each other the relationship will be short lived..

I do agree the training should start once you enter the relationship but there has to be a getting to know each other phase, if it is just sexual then that is all your going to have.

Let the Dominant explain upfront what your training is going to consist of, what your going to get out of your training.
If those questions cannot be answered then you are with a 50 Shades of Grey Dominant, and that is one thing the movie left out was the training, why the training and how to maintain a D’s Or M’s relationship.

50 shades of grey is just a more intense version of the movie , 9 1/2 weeks and nothing more

If your Dom is not taking interest in your needs, or lets say your blog, or your not recognized on social sites as being their partner, or not interested in your hobbies, then you know he does not have your best interest in mind, and your probably really nothing to him.

The journal opens the door to your world. It shows the real you, it shows your inner feelings that you may not otherwise be willing to share.
Sometimes putting it on paper is much easier that trying to talk and share your feelings.

You know even today Arianna will email me if something is on her mind, because it is easier for her to explain something in that form, and I understand.

If your journal is your blog, make sure your Dominant reads it, ask him questions about your thoughts, sit down together and go over everything.
He may be able to give you a much clearer picture.

Journal

Both of you need a clear plan prior to entering the relationship. ..

Vile

What I Need, In A Slave, A Partner And BDSM

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, anal sex, Arianna, bdsm, Collar, Collared Slave, Dominant, Dominants, Master, Master And Slave, rimming, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, sucking dick with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 16, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Most of you will probably not believe me, but I am really low maintenance. It has just been recently being with Arianna that I had even owned or thought about buying a pair of dress shoes.

My New Balance would last for a good 5 or 6 years, I had Jeans that were 10 and 12 years old, although my Shirts, dress and casual looked nice I am sure Donny Osmond wanted them back.

Jeans are not jeans until they are full of comfortable holes, the fading and the strings barely holding a section together.

I never complain about food as a young man in elementary school a good dinner did not happen often. Clothes were a luxury not a need. I remember while in the 6th grade one year I wore the same pair of pants to school everyday.

You would think it would not be noticeable but in my 6th grade class there were only 15 of us, and that was the whole 6th and they were my 8th grade graduation class as well.

During that year we lived in an old house with no power, we only had a fireplace to keep the house warm during the winter.

Both of my parents were alcoholics and addicted to prescription drugs, and both were in and out of rehabs on a regular basis. 

At the age of 15 I went to work at a local chicken processing plant working 2nd shit, I believe then I was paid 2.13 an hr. So my pay for 40 hours was about 85 dollar a week less taxes. After I turned 16 I went to work at a cotton mill making 6.00 an hr my pay jumped to 240 a week less taxes.  Those were union wages I might add. At the age of 16 that was good money. I think my pay when I joined the army was like 368.00 a month.

During this time I started working, this is when I started revamping who I was. I started purchasing nice clothes, shoes, and going out to eat most of the time, I always had money on me.

This is also when Vile began to only worry about Vile, this is when I started building what I call my bubble. Even then I let very few in.

It was somewhat earlier I had run across these little truck stop novels, I would lay in bed at night and read them. They were all about rough sex, incest, then it was really taboo to me, but as I read and I read, I could feel something inside being released. 

My confidence level had shot through the roof, I became popular in school and with the girls until the incident with Beverly, that was a post I did about our school whore. It was after that girls feared me, and I was left with what we called the sluts.

At the age of 17 My parents signed papers for me to Join the Us Army, I had to get the fuck out, because I was not going to spend my life working in a cotton mill which is closed today, or a nasty ass chicken plant.

I had to find me and I knew I wanted better. I had never been in any real trouble, and I have never been in jail.

I learned at a young age to appreciate the little things in life no matter how small they were or the meaning they had.

If you give me a used shirt and it fits I will wear it. It is the simple things in life I truly appreciate.

I can spend 2.49 on a tropical plant for my Awesome aquarium and I am like a kid in Toys R us.

Although we do have a couple of flat screen Tv’s that is not a need, I was just as happy with the old bulky TV .

Cars I really do not care what I drive as long as Arianna has something nice to drive, and of course with air. The man should always make sure his partner has something nice to drive. We are fortunate to have two new cars, but both of our car payments are less than what most pay for one car. Neither has power seats, the Fiat has power windows, but the jeep patriot has neither Arianna prefers the jeep over the Fiat. Before she was driving the Fiat back and forth to work, but I was concerned for her safety so I switched with her.

Keeping your life simple enables you to avoid many problems and drama, not to mention living beyond your means.  All of these things should be considered when forming what I call the bubble.

 You know while selling cars I had couples come in who made 300K a year and could not afford to put 1500 dollars down, they were that strapped. That my friend is no way to live.

Taking away from your family. Today family is everything, in today’s times one needs to work but you have to enjoy life as well. Over the years we have drifted apart, and we as family’s are no longer as close, mostly due to greed.

It took me sometime to come to a conclusion about what I really needed in a relationship, not what I wanted but needed.

If you settle for less than what you need , the relationship will fail it will not work no matter what you do. So you set your mind and you play by your own rules, those who choose to enter a relationship with you must play by your rules as well.

I needed a Slave and Not a Submissive, I had been in several short term relationships with those who were only submissive, and the relationships only lasted about 3 to 4 months.

I wanted a partner, a best friend, but also someone who needed to give up full control. Someone who knew who and what they were.

Someone who needed rules, someone who needed protocols , someone who needed direction. Someone who was not only loyal but needed to be loyal.

I refused to settle for less, and I dated and I dated , and I dated, and fuck I dated my ass off. Then one day I said fuck it I am done, I am moving out of country. At that point and time it was not about a steady relationship, it was about me. I already had work lined up in the Philippines, then I was introduced to Arianna. We all know the story from there.

You know I speak about how Arianna is a no limit Slave, let me clarify that for a minute. Living as a no limit slave has different meanings within each relationship.

To me no limits pertains to our sexual side, be it ATM Ass To Mouth, anal sex when I want no questions asked, face fucking, I get anything I want when I want, right down to being rimmed.

Now if you can imagine some of the other Taboo stuff, well I could have that as well. As Dominants and owners of property we have to look out for the well being of ours, mentally and physically.

In my mind I can have anything I want, when I want, and how I want without question.

You stand by what you need, and you stay with it. Never second guess yourself, because when you do you will fail. Do not be afraid to speak your mind. You are no ones property until you have earned their collar. Until then you can tell someone to go get fucked.

 collar62

I can talk shit because that collar has never been off. If some of you Dominants would stop being stupid you could have the same thing…. A partner who wants to serve.

vile

Words And Submission

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, Gorean lifestyle, Gorean Portocol, Master, Master & Slave, Master And Slave, slave, Structure, Submission, submissive, The slave must adapt, The World Of BDSM, Thekinkyworldofvile, Total Slavery, Total Submission, TPE, Train your slave, Training Arianna, training your slave with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 14, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

One thing I do during training is, I utilize what is called speaking in thirds. This is something that is common in the Gorean lifestyle.

To me speaking in thirds has a purpose, and the purpose is to make one focus, to think, to think before they speak.

The words tend to have more meaning, and the slave is able to explains things better if she has to think before speaking.

Speaking in thirds gives one a total different aspect of who and what they are, it is like a reminder, and it teaches self discipline.

Once I start training I use the technique for a couple of weeks or sometimes I will use as a form of punishment, again to make the slave think.

When a Dominant uses the word Train, it is good to ask what he hopes to get out of it, and how the training is going to benefit you ?

So the night before last we were laying in bed, I was watching shark week, Bah Humbug, and I get an email. Guess from who? Yup Arianna, I was like what but sometimes she is able to express herself better writing things down, or in an email , than talking sometimes and I do understand her reasoning.

Arianna was expressing interest in speech restriction, and using the term your property when addressing me.

Her reasoning was it would make her feel a deeper submission, not only speaking in thirds but using the word property.

Once you give up full control , and you learn to follow the rules, protocols, it becomes a habit, and when things are a habit there are times we do not even realize we are doing them.

That is how Arianna feels at times, everything just falls into place and she does not see her submission.

That is why I have said in the past it is very important for the Dominant to remain consistent on a daily basis. If you say something, then mean what you say. If you say your going to do something then do it.

Although I am not Gorean I do follow many of the protocols, and I am consistent.

I can also tell you what rules work for one does not work for another. It would be almost impossible for every slave or submissive to have the same rules.

What protocols, and rituals that worked for one will not work for another. Every Slave or sub is different, their habits are different, but more so their needs…

Behavior Modification, changing the way one thinks or acts, in public or private.  Changing ones thoughts, or how they view things.

This can be done, if the Dominant is true to the relationship , but just as I tell those who are submissive, I tell the Dominants the same thing. Be careful what you ask for.

The best way to kick off your training, is for both to be able to take a vacation, and no I am not joking. You have kinda like a 5 to 7 day mini boot camp.

Before you say anything Arianna has been there, and she can tell you that her changes have only been positive.  Being able to let your mind go, and just flow with your training, but truthfully training can only be successful if you trust the one your with.

So there are some who wish to move into a deeper submission, even after training, the training never really stops, it does continue and it is daily maintenance.

The changing of one word , yes that is all it takes, just as Arianna stated in her email.

Instead of using the word I, she wanted to use your slave, or this slave.

About a month ago , I instructed Arianna to use the words Thank You. Thank You for everything.

Thank you for letting me sit, shower, bathroom. After taking the first bite of food, Thank You.

This all falls under Behavior Modification, but you as the Dominant you need to remain consistent.

You know what I truly find disturbing is a Dominant who is not really a Dominant, but enters a relationship with a Baby Girl a Submissive, under false pretenses. Promising one thing but not being able to deliver.

The Dominant not thinking of the negative effects he is having on someones life, the damage that is being done, and playing with someones emotions.

Then it is clearly not the Submissive who is the problem, it is the Dominant who will put all the blame on the sub or baby girl because the relationship did not work. When in fact the Dominant either had no intentions of making things work, or he did not have a clue.

Changing one word, can change ones life.

problem

Vile