Archive for Bdsm

You Want The Pussy But Not The Responsibulity

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, anal sex, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, codependent, commitment, communication, Dominants, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Protocols, pussy, Slave, Structure, submisive, Submission, sucking cock with tags , , , , , , on February 19, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

There are idiots everywhere , and there are people who think with their Cocks as a matter of fact their cocks run their life. If you were to cut the mother fucker off they would be lost.

Why do most people associate BDSM with abuse ? Because of the above the idiots , the retards who want the pussy but not the responsibility.

Those who play the game , those who hurt people because they have no clue, just take out a flogger and start swinging without a care. Those who rape because you think they want to be forced. Those who see Submission as a weakness. Those who want the control but give nothing back.

I have zero respect for those Married Doms or claim to be Dominant. Think about it if they were so Dominant they would be running their house , but that is not the case their wife better known as Mommy take care of them.

Something I hate some stupid fuck makes a comment and leaves no way to contact them or respond to my reply.

FullPotato

There are still core behaviors consistent to all humans. While everyone is an individual, they still share humanity’s foils.
Where is the line between domination and abuse? Are those interchangeable terms? When does the master/submissive/slave relationship change from positive to negative? In-fact what constitutes a positive relationship?
This fuck has not a clue about the lifestyle but has read enough to know there are millions of fucking retards who are predators , those who abuse.
I have blogged about Married Doms probably 50 times or more out of almost 3000 post and not one , not one has stood up and said a word or justified his reasoning .
You who are submissive seeing married Doms and that is cool as long as you know he will never divorce Mommy. He is with you because his wife will not take it up the ass but you will. The minute you become needy he will drop you like a bad habit.
If and when a Dominant takes that step into a brand new world your life changes , it is like hitting puberty all over again. Your thought process changes , your needs change , your wants change, and the type of woman you are looking for changes.
It is like starting elementary , stepping up to middle school then high school , you never stop learning.
I watch , I listen and I observe. I never want to stop learning each day is a new experience . You learn by others mistakes , you learn by thinking before you act , you learn by thinking logically, you learn by taking responsibility for your own actions, You learn by knowing your decision affects two and just not one.
The main problem with a new Dominant is he kinda knows what he wants , he has envisioned the role , the things he wants to do , but his thoughts are purely sexual. He has not sat down and thought the whole process out. His rules are sexual , demeaning , humiliating , rough and thoughtless. He has not thought through the emotions that will come out , nor the neediness , and in some cases the codependency side of the submissive. While thinking about having a slave non of the above has come to his thoughts. The Dominant will become defensive , he will start losing his temper pushing you away , calling you names, then comes the end he explains you are not the one for him.
One of the first things I tell a new Dominant is to find a mentor 1 out of a 100 will take that advice and 1 out of a 100 will succeed. The other 99 will put the blame on the slave because she was not a true slave , her submission was fake.
These guys fail because of a lack of knowledge and a lack of caring. These guys will move from slave to slave to slave and he will find something wrong with each one because he is not willing to put the effort into building a relationship. These guys are only interested in getting their cock sucked , fucking someones ass , just using until she is no longer fun or he just gets bored.
Building a M’s or D’s relationship is not an easy task if you are serious and have a plan. Before handing out any rules you have to know the Slave inside and out. You have to know what makes her think the way she does. Again this takes the want , this takes effort and this takes a need.
As young Dominants we all had the same thoughts when it came to rules . You will never wear panties , you will always wear a skirt, you will worship Master Cock, you will be ready for inspection at all times, your pussy must be shaved at all times , your ass will be ready at all times. Then we hit the Dominant Puberty stage and our thoughts change..
The truth is with a little planning , a little need , a little caring both can have the ultimate relationship but both have to have the need. The Slave the need to submit and serve , the Dominant the need to take control and responsibility.
I run a very smooth home , there are no problems , there is no Drama but most of all there is no arguing. I have more protocols than I do rules , as a matter of fact you can turn your protocols into rules. Rules are meant for self improvement , rules are meant to keep your slave on a straight path. Both rules and protocols are to be followed and it is the Dominants responsibility to insure the Slave follows and he has to let the Slave know there are consequences if a rule or protocol is not followed. In public a Slave is a direct reflection of her owner.
You want sex on demand , you want your cock sucked on demand, you want anal sex on demand. You want everything on demand but you have to give back more than you take. You have to be willing to take the good and bad. You have to be willing to stay consistent on a daily basis. You have to be willing to communicate and listen. You have to be willing to talk to your Slave and not at her.
The question that comes to mind is , is there a such a thing as a perfect Slave ?  Absolutely there is and we The Masters create that perfect slave we mold to fit our needs and wants. We as Masters create our own world , have have the ability to control our life , our surroundings , and even out in public. If you are going to talk you have to be able to walk the talk,,, Hmmmm did that come out right?

Men With Low Self – Esteem

Posted in bdsm, communication, Confidence, Low Self Esteem, Slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , on February 15, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

I was not sure what to blog about this morning , I just left the Tag office two weeks ago I bought a 1977 Grand Prix from my brother and it is in nearly pristine condition. So now I have a cup of black coffee and I am listening to Kid Rock, Live Trucker. One of the best entertainers of the decade. Smart , very talented , and he knows how to market himself. One thing that really stands out is his confidence.

Over the past year ive talked to Doms in the lifestyle who were single or in a relationship but still lacked that confidence thing. One Dom made the comment once the slave reached a certain point she would up and leave because he had nothing more to offer. Why would you make that statement in front of you’re property ?

There does come a time when the submissive or Slave becomes dependent of her owner. There comes a time when one becomes needy. The only way a Slave would leave is if you just done something really stupid.

Although you the Dominant are in complete control there is a fine line you have to walk , your property is watching you , your actions , you’re thinking, how you react towards others when confronted. You can push a slave to the point of no return. The Slave can feel and knows if you have her best interest in mind.

Anyway

 

The bookshelf in the bedroom is packed full of books on how to boost your Self-esteem , you have books on how to pickup women , books that provide pickup lines , you’ve spent thousands of dollars on CD’s on how to pickup women , and you have probably seen a shrink a couple of times , but night after night you end up home alone. You join supports groups with others who have the same issue going on, sitting around hearing how pathetic others are trying to make yourself feel better. You spend thousands going to work shops , attending motivational speaker sessions who rake in millions  , profiting from you’re own problems.

The real problem is not your self esteem , the real problem is rejection , being told no or to get lost or you do not have a chance. Rejection is a Mother Fucker, you become depressed , kinda worthless deep inside.

You go home to your nasty apartment , dishes piled up in the sink , clothes scattered everywhere, you order a pizza because you don’t cook , turn on some porn and jack off imagining you are fucking the chick on the CD you bought , when in fact you could be fucking her.

While I was single I had a small house and older one I think it was one of the old Sears homes they sold in the 50’s and 60’s , ah I forgot to mention it was in the Hood, 99% predominantly black. It was not long before I had made a handful of good friends , this was due to them knowing I was no threat , and I showed respect. There were some nights I went to bed and left the door unlocked.

My point being that is where I lived , I kept it clean , I enjoyed cooking , this was my kingdom.

A few months back my slave and I went to visit a friend or maybe just a acquaintance , but once we entered his apartment we just both kinda looked at each other, the place was a disaster. I was scared to sit anyplace it was that nasty. Gentlemen  this is a total chick turnoff.

Rejection is a Mother Fucker and it haunts some , makes some cry, and some even act like a turtle hiding their head , or maybe a ostrich sticking you’re head in the sand.

Those books you bought , those CD’s you bought , those groups you joined , the money you spent going to seminars , you might as well of raised the lid of your toilet and flushed all that money down , because everything in the above statement is someones opinion , and their opinion is making them rich.

Before you go out stand in front of a mirror and look at the way you are dressed and ask yourself who would date me dressed like this ? You’re hair are you well groomed ? Your shoes ? Are you still wearing polyester from the 70’s ?

My first sales Job was at a Dodge Dealership , I knew absolutely nothing about selling cars , but there were two things I picked up on . One if people drove on the lot they intended to buy. Two the system was rigged when it came to favorites and that is a battle that is hard to fight. You know who has the most fucked up credit in the world ? Cops yup cops have the most fucked up credit and they look at you surprised when you tell them you cannot sell them anything.

Sitting at the table one day a man was looking at a Dodge 2500 a fucking nice truck. I filled out the paper work and his wife was sitting there telling me how much they were willing to spend a month and not a penny more. I came back with the first numbers knowing he was going to say no but she was the one who spoke up and said no. I came back a second and third time , she stood up and said we are leaving while he sat there and said nothing. I looked at the application and I said to his wife you forgot to add you’re income , maybe we could get a lower interest rate by adding yours. She looked at me and said I don’t work I am a stay home wife. I looked at the application again and her husband worked on a oil rig in the gulf. I stood there thinking and I said I am going to go get some coffee , and I think you two need to go to the bathroom and give you’re husband back his Balls. The next day I clocked in at work and the sales manager ran up to me and said stay away from Mr Brown his wife hates you. Wow I really made a good impression , thank you.

Low self esteem , because his wife had beaten him down so much he felt he was worthless. Good for her.

I have had men tell me , man that chick is out of my league. I ask, what the fuck makes you think that? Oh I just know she would never go out with me. Something or someone has drilled this into his head.

You walk into the mall and and you see this hot babe at one of the kiosk and you are scared to walk up and strike up a conversation. Yea the truth is , she is probably  single because all guys feel the same way you do.

The fact is all that money you spent on those books, CD’s. Motivational speakers , you could of bought some awesome floggers , paddles, handcuffs , some nice lingerie , dildo’s butt plugs , tens units and ready to get your kink on.

The truth is it really does not matter what you look like , yea well okay there is a limit I suppose, but 99% of the time it does not matter.

It is about confidence , it is about standing tall , saying what you mean and mean what you’re saying. If you walk up to that chick standing in the kiosk who is doing nothing because shes not selling anything . You strike up a conversation , if you can hold her attention for 5 minutes you are in like flint. This is when you say hey lets catch some dinner. Chances are she will say yes. If she declines remember what you have learned kick the dust and move on to the next. Rejection is a mother fucker , even when you feel like you have lost that confidence , fake it til you make it.

Let her talk , you listen , she wants you to listen she wants to talk. She does not want to hear about your comic book collection , she does not want to know what a fucking genius you are. She does not care about the giant bug collection you have. In fact at this point she probably does not care what you have. You ask questions , find out what you have in common.

Throw those books away , what you are reading is someones opinion and chances are their own advice did not even work for them.

You could decide to go home to you’re cat sit home alone and wonder what the fuck is wrong with you. Feel sorry for yourself , feeling pathetic or you can man up take the panties off and be a real man.

Confidence will get you laid you can forget POF , Match, get like Nike just do it..

 

 

Interview With A Dominant

Posted in 24/7, bdsm, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , , on February 15, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

A couple of years ago the interviews were a regular part of my blog but as time went by it was hard finding someone who would take part. Promises Made Promises Broken.

I find the interviews very educational because it gives you a peak into someones life…

This awesome interview comes from a fellow blogger who lives in a Master , Slave relationship 24/7…

Every Dominant is different , each has different views , different needs and different goals.

Each Submissive or Slave is different , each has different needs , some may have an idea  but need direction. Most are looking for just a few things in a relationship , security , trust, assurance and stability. There are many who need structure in their life, many who need daily direction , rules and accountability.

 

https://livingwithx.wordpress.com/

So here we go enjoy

 

(1) When did you first becomes interested in the lifestyle, and what degree did you want to take it?

Well, that would depend on what we mean as the lifestyle.. I have always been kinky. It started at an extremely early age.. Six I would say.  I was aware of sex and it fascinated me.  But in my child’s mind, I couldn’t figure out how a man could ever stick his “thing”, into a woman, and she would just let him. So in my child mind, my first fantasies began with rope, and bondage. My first apartment had rope.  My first house had a water bed with rings at all four corners.  I used to keep blanket strips, neatly rolled up beside the bed.  They make lovely ties.. So soft and yet so tight and strong.  You really have to try bondage with blanket strips sometime.  My first slave was I want to say around age 26.  She wanted to be an alpha slave with other women slaves.  I went looking in Manhattan, which is only around a hundred miles from here, for that kind of scene.  I did it all.. Orgies, and threesomes, and nudist parks.. Anything for a thrill, but it was always about control, about me getting my own way… I would always work the question.. Do you swallow.. Into a date…if the answer was no, there would be no second date.  Some things I have never compromised on.  But to answer your question, there has never been a time I thought about girls, and didn’t want absolute control.

(2) Why do you think those in the lifestyle are quick to judge others?

Now that is an interesting question.  You would think we would be less quick wouldn’t you?  I think I first have to ask, is it true that we are quick to judge each other?  My answer would be, you don’t have to be in any Fetlife group for long to see it, do you?  Throwing a question or strong opinion  in to Fet is a bit like throwing raw meat into a cage of wolves. I think that passion is no different from politics for a reason.  There are and always have been two basic groups of human motivations.. The hunters and the gatherers.  The hunters are, individuals who fiercely seek independence, conquest, recognition, and freedom from any other power.  They lean towards the Dominant side, and prefer politics that don’t interfere in their life, even at the cost of things that may help them. The other group are the gatherers, and they prefer to work together, they believe the collective is stronger, that some sacrifices of personal freedom are necessary to achieve these important objectives.  They lean towards the submissive side, and their politics seeks the greater good for all, believing that it is the group’s right to distribute more evenly the spoils of effort.  Now these two sides are locked in a battle to define what is right, since the dawning of mankind  The hunters will say, this slave is mine, I define what that means.  And the gatherers will say, we need more compassion, more room for people to express their self identity. Then some hunters see the wisdom of this argument and get behind this idea and back it.. But then some gatherers see the unhappiness this creates and side with their favorite hunter..  People begin picking sides, either for their belief or their alliances. I mixing metaphors here, I know, but what I am saying is that we are very passionate people, with strong alliances, that share strong beliefs about how things should work.  Humanity has been fighting to make a perfect world for a very, very long time.  What we should be doing is perfecting ourselves.  We just never seem to realize that utopia is not a place where individuals design the perfect society, but where society is designed to let the individual to perfect themselves. Now can go back to fighting about how to do that…

(3) I assume you keep your lifestyle private, do you have friends who share the same interest ?

The best way to answer your question is to say this.  I am very private in public, and I am very personal in private.   It’s a question of choosing my audience.  I’ve been in very public roles before and I know first hand that the larger the segment of any community you reach, the more guarantee that you will reach the fringe groups.  In any population a very small percentage is nuts and trust me, you really don’t want to have to deal with them. I’ve been there.  Here is the thing: How you say a thing can be as important as what you say. If what you have to say is going to reach people, first you need to know your audience.. Leaders listen and speak last, for all of these reasons.  So in public, I am speaking to an audience I don’t know personally and who doesn’t know me personally.. So I write about the things I think are true and meaningful but in a broader sense.  But in private there is trust and honesty and it becomes personal.  I have many friends in the community and I trust them to have my back as I would have theirs. Most of my friends are in the community.  I have found over time that my obsession with BDSM has driven away all but one good friend who is not in the community.. And that is OK.  You don’t know your real friends until your friendship is tested.  That one nilla friend, is a good and decent person, and a buddy for life.

3b) Why are you not active in the community?

Hmm not sure where that idea came from.  I would say that I am active on many levels. I have my Dominant Support Group in Fet, I sometimes help with local support groups, I’ve done workshops, and I was most recently a judge at the North East Power exchange competition.  That being said, I used to be more active.  I was well know for fire play but I backed off that because of a thing called “the carnival ride”.  When you are known for some talent then you can have five or six scenes lined up each night.  It gets old being the carnival ride.  So I more or less retired from that and withdrew a bit.  I spend more time now with my slave, than being a local public figure.  So many people have stepped up to fill the gaps in workshops and training, I don’t feel like I have anything unique to add.  What’s the point I ask myself.  Maybe I am underselling myself, but then I don’t need to grab all that attention to know who and what I am.. It’s enough that a few people honor me with the title of MasterX.  After all, the only titles of value are those acquired thru recognition by others. One claims that title by exercising that recognition, not asserting it.


(4) Being a Dominant what is it you get out of your relationship ?

Hmmm power!  I swear.. The most beautiful women walk through our local Dungeon naked, gorgeous, and sexy  and ol’ Johnson doesn’t so much as stir..  But, and this is the funny part, some guy in a McDonald’s will say “Yes Sir” and there it is, that tingle.  Now if a really cute girl whispers it, stand back, cause Johnson’s on duty.  There is a this electricity when my slave Izrina is shy, or on her knees.  I can’t explain why i feel it, maybe some of us are just wired this way.  I think so.. I often say this is an orientation, not a lifestyle.  I just feel alive when i have her submission.


(5) Being with your partner I am going to assume you were a couple for sometime, before taking that first step. Who’s idea was it to take that first step ?

Actually no.  We didn’t start out as a couple.  I was a lone wolf prowling the bars.  I love to dominate on a pool table you see.  I am fascinated with the level of control I can exercise over the balls, and when that leads to beating all challengers, well, what’s not to understand about my attraction?  Now Izrina had another name when I met her, and she showed interest in me.. The dark dominating fellow that I was.. I explained to her that I could never be interested in someone like her, which of course I had to explain.  I sent her to watch the movie Secretary, and then to a submissive site, and when she didn’t shy away, I took her to munches, and then dungeons.  I gave her a collar of consideration finally, but there was a but..   A person sometimes becomes something else to be with you.  Maybe your girl pretends to like football.. And you love her because you can share your love of football with her.. Then after you are married she hates football and you can’t understand why you are growing apart.. Well Izrina was a nilla.  I needed to know that she had a slave’s heart.  So I tested, and asked and tested and asked until one day she begged me to stop asking.. Yes!  I have a slave heart.. Yes I want to be your property.. No I am not doing this to be with you, I am doing it for me.  It was after that she got her training collar, and her slave name..


(6) Do you consider yourself to be a Strictly Bedroom Dom, or has it moved to a 24/7 relationship?

Oh God – no bedroom Dom for me.   You know they say that when sex is good it’s 10 percent of the relationship and when its bad its 90?  Well sex will always be a ten percent for a number of reasons.  Not that I am not a horny little fucker, and not that she isn’t, it’s just that I get more from the power dynamic all day long, than I can ever get from sex, all day long. Let me give you an example..  Just walking from the livingroom to the car we can tick of over a half dozen protocols.. 1- I put on her coat and free her hair, she isn’t allowed to 2- I get the door for her  3- She waits in the hallway for me to pass so she can walk behind me and to my right 4&5, we repeat for another door, 6- I open the car door for her 7- I lean into her personal space, to tighten her safety belt… Now while I am walking around the car, as anticipatory service, she will power up and set the GPS..  And that was just three minutes of our day.  It’s like this all day long.  And It makes me smile constantly.. And the same with her.  Sometimes we just grin at each other because we both feel it, the electricity of Domination and submission. Nothing is happening that anyone can see, and yet we both have that tingle.  It’s just fucking awesome when you get the right person!


(7) Do you have any rules or protocols in place. if so was it your idea to implement the rules?

We absolutely have these.  These are what give meaning to our lives, it is what helps us feel the power exchange all the time without even trying.  We two rituals and they are both designed around Izrina realizing her happiness as a slave.  We have two rules and these are about touch.  I strongly believe in the power of touch. Rule one requires her to always be touching me when she is in my presence.  I believe at last count we had 25 protocols. We also have something I call structure.. Not really rules or protocols, it more how I like things around the home.  I have a touch of OCD.  Everything must be in its proper place.  Spoons to the right of the knife, forks to the left, even in drawers.  Stuff like that.  The “structure” of how i want things to be doesn’t neatly fall into the other categories, but it’s important to me, so I have a name for it.  I don’t think Izrina has ever suggested a protocol..  Hmm maybe something that started as anticipatory service became a protocol, but nothing jumps to mind.  I do need to add this… I never want one of these to be in place and me not remember to enforce it.. I can’t imagine something worse for a slave than to get away with breaking a ritual, rule or protocol, and not being called on it.  We try to keep it simple, so I don’t hurt her this way.

(8) Last what advice would you give to couples who are thinking about taking that step into a D’s lifestyle

Do it!  (laughs)  Seriously though. I wish more people could see the box they put their hearts in when they draw boundaries.  In Ds, the boundaries disappear.  Its raw, and you are risking a lot, but you can’t reach these heights if you aren’t willing to take a risk!  And power exchange.. Don’t get me started.  How can two people decide everything together with two votes?  There is no tie breaker in that vote and it is bound to lead to arguments.  You want equality?  Great.. Use power exchange to achieve it within that two votes thing.. One of you is in charge of this, and the other is in charge of that.  Look.. someone has to be in charge or nothing works.  Power exchange is the natural order of things.  If you are seeing this, then do it, figure it out and make it work.  Even if you end up splitting areas of responsibility at least you stepped into a better more sane world.  After this truth dawns on you, everything else is easy.

Xtac and I are somewhat alike , we both run a very strict home with rules and protocols…

The Poly Master And Poly Slave

Posted in bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, Dominant and Submissive, Long Distance Relationships LDR, Poly Relationship, Slave, Submissive with tags , , , on December 18, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

In the past few years I have seen the poly community really grow, most who are poly belong to rather large families. Some are Dominant , some are submissive and some are just kink based. My philosophy is if it works for you then it works, if it is working that means you are in a good place.

Then when it comes to a Dominant or Master there is a huge difference but again it is what works for you. How Dominant are you ? How submissive are you? How kinky are you ? In most cases it boils down to being with family, someplace that is secure and safe.

So we look at the whole picture , how can a submissive serve more than one Dominant ? My thoughts are each Dominant has their own rules , structure , and protocols. My other question is if the two do not live together how does one maintain control ? In my eyes and this is just my thoughts if I cannot reach out and touch I cannot control. Being in control is not a want it is a need , being in control of my life and surroundings is a need even at work.

A Master and poly is something you do not see very often. The poly slave is not something you see very often. I myself am very protective , what is mine is mine you can look but you cannot touch. Most Slaves are very possessive , most slaves have one focus and that is serving the one they are owned by.

I have known Masters in the past who would pass their property around like a bag of pop corn and think nothing of it. As I sat back and watch I am thinking how can he truly love her? Maybe it is power or ego , humiliation ?

I believe and this is only me if I cannot reach out and touch someone on a daily basis training cannot be effective.

Training a submissive or slave long distance will almost fail 99% of the time. The Master has no real idea if certain task are being done or what the slave is really thinking. No phone call can replace a facial expression or that look coming from their eyes. Training is changing ones way of thinking and in order to do so the Master has to be consistent on a hourly basis , daily and weekly.

How can a slave possibly serve more than one Master with each having different ideas , structure , protocols and rules.

When I think of Poly and family’s not living together I think of kink and nothing more again this is just my thoughts and I do not judge those who live the lifestyle.

I myself thrive off of the control , the control is a need but it is not to the point og controlling.

While many use fear to dominate , many use humiliation, many use a form of degrading making one feel worthless , that is a form of forced submission and the Master has gained absolutely nothing , most of all he has not gained respect.

We as Masters when we take on a relationship we now have two we have to think about and sometimes three.

I live in a closed Triad meaning we are a closed family and we never step out to see others. Finding the right one was no easy task and it took over a year to find the right fit. That is a different blog.

If the poly family is happy with their situation then so be it we are no one to judge.

Dominants are more likely to share their partner than a Master will , most Master are very possessive when it comes to their property.

To be in full control you need to be face to face very few LDR relationships work long term. If you have no plans on either one making that move you are just wasting your time.

Training is never really over , there is daily maintenance ,  communication , and keeping everything in check. I have said this a hundred times the Master has to be consistent and consistent on a daily basis.

My experience most Poly Doms are actually Tops, Dominant in the bedroom and once out just vanilla in a lot of ways, this does not apply to everyone but from my experience this seems to be true..

I like to be in control and full control of my home and surroundings , I want to know what is going on, because I can only make the right decision based on the information giving to me.

You may be happy living in a poly relationship however most do not live together, in fact looking on Fetlife …

We all have to be who we are to be happy in life , we all have to be who we are so we may move forward in life.

BDSM is the only lifestyle where everyone is wrong no one is right. People are quick to judge but their life is falling apart , or kinda like going to church and when you leave everyone is talking about everyone else..

However I would think there would come a time when a submissive or a Dom would like to settle down..

A Married Dominant Will Destroy You

Posted in 24/7, Acceptance, BBW, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Relationships, communication, Dominant and Submissive, Master and slave relationship, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , , , on November 21, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

The married Dom who lives two separate lives , one with his wife who thinks everything is just fine, watching the kids play games or attending school functions , then there is the other side.

His wife is not really into kinky sex, his wife does not suck cock , his wife does not do anal. His wife would think he was sick if he was to bring up the dark side he was thinking about.

The married Dominant is most likely addicted to porn and finds it really hard to have sex with his wife now. Porn is an outlet for him. Now do not get me wrong I do indulge from time to time if something comes to mind, but in my years for what ever reason I have stopped watching so much.

More than often the Married Dominant who cheats brings it on himself , the lack of communication , caring , giving up afraid to express his feeling , or feeling neglected . There is one thing for sure no matter how bad he thinks he has it , there is no way he will leave the security and safety net his wife has built. There is no way he will give up everything more so if children are involved. He will not leave his wife.

The married Dominant is insecure he has a low self esteem. Think about it if he cannot run his own house how can he control someone else.

With the above brings you nothing but drama , his insecurity’s will be passed onto you. He will not trust you, he is cheating and he will think the same of you. The Dominant will demand passwords to all of your accounts and at times you’re banking information.

Sex is more about abuse and at times can be very Violent. The only time you ever go out is the first meeting and you sit there listening to unrealistic demands adding stress to you. While talking you notice how he keeps watching his watch or phone.

The meeting ends either going to a motel or you sucking his cock in the parking lot, yea part of you’re training.

The training starts with you sending pics and short videos , self anal training , and a daily journal which he will never read.

You are just entering the lifestyle and you have this thing called Sub Frenzy , the mind races a hundred miles an hour, you cannot think straight and you are believing everything you are being told by one man.

The first words he speaks is always be honest and truthful never lie , but the truth is the relationship has already started out in a lie on his end at least.

There will come a time when you will find out the Dom you look up to is married. Then he sits you down and almost cries giving you a sob story about how big of a bitch his wife is. She does not understand him, the sex is no good or the most famous line is his wife knows and does not care.

At first everything is going smooth he will make you feel like a princess until he gets comfortable and thinks you are hooked.

The attitude changes pretty fast he will become short tempered with you, he will call you names and tell you how worthless you are, how you are nothing with out him. The truth is you only spend a couple of hours a month with your new Dominant and those times are spent on you’re knees or on your back.

You will sit on the couch all balled up holding you’re cell phone waiting on a text an email or maybe even a call. You text you email but you dare not call , and only when you get to see him in person he explains work has been busy and he did not have time to text you or call.

You can forget Birthdays , Thanksgiving , Christmas you will either be with family or friends if allowed , while he is at home with the wife and kids cooking out with the smiths next door. He will never take you out in public in fear of being seen.

You’re friends are cut off , he does not want you speaking with other Dominants or submissive’s . You will find yourself alone sitting and waiting.

You as a submissive has rights but you do not know this, you are afraid to ask questions, in fear of losing the relationship you think you have.

You will give all of your passwords to someone you hardly know, in the back of you’re mind you know something is not right but you do it in fear of losing the relationship you think you have.

Being a Dominant brings on a great deal of responsibility , being a Dominant means you are available 24/7 no questions asked. That is what you deserve and that is what you should demand.

Remember a part time Dominant does not deserve full time submission , the relationship is not a one way street. Before entering a relationship both of you need to sit down and make sure you are both on the same page, you both have the same needs and kinks. Just because he is a Dominant does not mean he is the right Dominant for you.

If the married Dominant cannot run or rule his own home, how can he fulfill the needs you have , how can he possibly control you?

You are a piece of ass and nothing more, there are no feelings , there is no love and no caring you are a piece of ass and nothing more. I promise you the first time you need him and you call or text he will not be there.

When all is said and done you have lost most if not all of the friends you once had, you can kiss you’re self esteem good by and maybe you’re bank account because he had all of you’re passwords.

You ask for advice but you do not listen because of the sub rush going on even when you are told the situation is fucked up you still do not listen until it is to late.

The above may not bother you , you may be okay with the arrangement and if that works for you then so be it but for the majority it does not..

What do you want out of life or a relationship ? How many months or years will you continue to make the same mistakes ?

If you feel something is not right or you see the warning signs and you do nothing then it is all on you, you have no room to go crying to others and expect someone to feel sorry for you.

Be smart take time , entering a D’s or M’s relationship is a long interview asking questions and listening and making sure the answers you are getting are clear. Making sure you know where you stand and what to expect. Making sure you have 24/7 access.

A dominant cannot just meet you and want to give you rules. A Dominant cannot say lets start training, without even knowing you. Training in the lifestyle is tailored towards an individual every submissive is different there for training will be different.

You want to find out if the Dom is really interested in you ? Stay off you’re knees and keep you’re legs closed, see how long he will hang around..

Vile

 

 

 

There Is No Failure

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, communication, Dominance Through Intimidation, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Humiliation, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Submissive being used, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 31, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

I hate the word failure , I hate it even more when someone who’s the word failure, it has no meaning. When someone uses the word Failure it means they are looking for pity, empathy , reassurance, thinking maybe just maybe I can pull them from the depths  of the living hell , when they are the ones who dug the hole. A screw up on your end does not make it an emergency on my end.

I have a problem with empathy , mainly because most problems are self inflicting. You act before thinking , or you act knowing the outcome but you’re willing to take that chance.

So what if the first relationship fails , so what if the second or the third fails and the odds are if your new in the lifestyle you will take those steps.

The new submissive or slave goes through what is called a Freenzy a New Dominant will experience the same thing. The mind is racing a hundred miles an hour and you will listen to know one. The new Dominant wants a mentor and that usually last about two weeks.

The key word is not communication , I talk to people everyday I do not like. The key word is compatibility. If you are not compatible , no amount of communication will help either of you.

There always has to be someone to blame. She was a bitch , he was a dick. She was not submissive, he was not Dominant.

Just because the relationship does not work does not mean you or anyone is a failure. The wrong person at the wrong time.

There are two words I use on a regular basis. Love and Appreciate each time I look into Arianna’s eyes and say I love you or I appreciate you and everything you do.

If I take I give back , that is something many forget in a relationship we tend to take things for granted , we forget how we got where we are.

It is the Submissive or Slave who makes a great Dominant or Master. Those words are hard to swallow for some. It is the Submissive or Slave who builds the home, who sets the pace. It is Arianna I am grateful for.

Being a new Dominant you are ready to jump in head first, you are the kind , you want to rule you’re  world, You are Tarzan beating your chest. You grab the first Submissive that comes along, you start barking orders, and in a short time your Submissive has somehow become your mother. The Submissive now starts to question you, the Submissive now becomes needy, the Submissive now becomes emotional , the Submissive now wants to communicate.

What ? I did not sign up for this shit, I just wanted some ass , a little head , someone to clean and cook. Just as the Submissive did not do enough research neither did the new Dominant. The relationship fails. It does not make anyone a failure.

Many times when a relationship in our lifestyle fails the blame goes to the submissive, we as humans hate to take the blame or responsibility when something does not go right.

Last month a Dominant whom I had broken ties with contacted me out of the blue , I sat there for some time just thinking about if I should contact him or not. I did and the first words out of his mouth was someone told me I have a bad name in the community. I was like get the fuck out really?  The truth be known he does, he is known to be very abusive, mentally , verbal and at times physical. I have never witnessed the physical but I have the other.

I distance myself from people like this and I do it for a reason. It is not that I care because I do not. My circle is small and I surround myself with those who are positive. Those who are negative will only pull you down into their living hell. Those who are negative will bring drama at your doorstep and expect you to help clean it up , or possibly want you to take care of everything…

That old saying , making the same mistake expecting different results , that is not a mistake that is being stupid.

Being naive is a serious problem for those who are new to the lifestyle. You meet a Dominant , you get the frenzy like he is a god and you believe everything he says and you fall for the bullshit.

Someone contacted me and even commented she is going to meet her new Dominant and he wants to begin the physical training, what ? I am going to assume that she thinks this is okay and will go along with it, the word Naive comes into play when she asked for advice I emailed her and no reply which I am good with. It could also be this is the type of relationship she is looking for.

I take training very serious, training is different for each slave or submissive. Each has a different way of thinking, different habits , different needs.

You cannot just meet someone and start laying out rules and begin training because you know absolutely nothing about the submissive. A Dominant who would even suggest such a plan is just a fucking dumb ass.

You are not broken , you are not a failure , so you are a little needy , so you may be a little codependent, so what if you need direction, communication, rules and structure , this does not make you a failure.

Many can spot these signs and at times use it against the submissive. You are a failure , you are worthless, you are nothing without me, you are a stupid bitch, sound familiar ? This is when you open the door and run as far as you can, you never allow someone to bring you down.

Dominants who do not have any experience or are ego driven use such tactics , name calling , isolation , passwords to all of your accounts.

You are going to make mistakes , you are going to make several mistakes , but the mistakes you make does not make you a failure. The key is to learn from your mistakes and make the proper adjustments .

You are no ones submissive until you agree to enter a relationship, you have the right to say no until you agree to enter a relationship. You do not have to call anyone Sir until you feel the Dominant has earned your respect.  You are in control 100% until you agree to enter a relationship.

If you are in a LDR relationship training does not work , it will not work it is virtually impossible. Most LDR training consist of sending nude pics, phone sex so the Dom can beat off. The Dominant has no true control if you do not live together or in the same city.

Training is a hands on project.

If you’re training consist of you laying on your back or on your knees sucking cock then you need to step back and ask questions.

Learn from your mistakes.

 

 

 

 

 

What Does She Get Out Of The Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Building a BDSM Relationshp, commitment, communication, compatibility, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, FaceBook Vile Woods, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Slave, Submissive, Training Arianna, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 19, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

This was a question posed to me last week while out . A friendly get together , One of my days I am able to get out and be me. Getting together with those who somewhat think as I do, a heavy sigh when I sit down and sip on my chocolate Latte , or is it mocha ? I know it is one Arianna always gets my drink. This week she was not with me , Arianna and out newest addition to our home were spending quality time together . Ariannas mother has been ill and had a heart procedure done on that Wednesday so rest was much needed as well.

I have been mentoring a new Dominant and at last it is someone who is truly interested in the D’s lifestyle, someone who has not only been listening but someone who is taking the proper steps in building a relationship.

There are several things that come into play when building a 24/7 D’s Or M’s relationship.

One being compatibility just because your a Dominant or submissive does not mean the one you met is right for you.  A lot comes into play , you may or may not want rules , your view on kink may be different, you may or may not like pain or humiliation , you may not want to give up total control. If the Dominant you have met has nothing in common with you then move on.

Being able to talk to each other not at each other, you can listen but not hear a fucking thing.

Knowing you have a open line of communication any time you have the need. Knowing you can share your feelings and not be afraid to. Knowing you can share your feelings and not worry about being yelled at.

Both having a goal in place , both having needs that have to be met.

When you first meet a new Dominant be it being introduced , maybe a dating site , maybe fetlife and you both hit it off you may want to see where things go.

One thing I try to explain to submissives or slaves he is not your Dominant he is a man and you are a woman. You have to set the lifestyle to the side and find out what you have in common. The Dominant has no control over you , nor can he make any demands.

On a normal vanilla date the man ask what kind of food do you like and the Dominant as if you take it up the ass? Do you swallow ? Do you get off on humiliation ? How do I know this ? I have been there I have done just that , I have played and I have used and when I grew tired I forgot your name.

Something I never gave much thought about was the impact I would have on someone by using them. I never thought about the emotional impact The impact if they were not stable in life , mentally. A few months or week can have a huge impact on someones life, and many times the submissive or slave will make several more mistakes before they find out they have been played. Then the one she connects , the one she begins a relationship with is handed the task of cleaning everything up, if it can be cleaned up.

What does she get out of the relationship ? I am older than she is I just cannot see what I have to offer, I do not see how I can benefit her.

Here is the tricky part , once you decide you want to take that step and try to begin a new relationship there are steps that should be taken. If at any time you the Dominant try to take any short cuts or look over something you will fail, you will crash and burn.

More so , both have to be honest with each other to a T, you cannot leave any skeletons in your closet. Things are easier to fix or deal with if all your cards are on the table. If you wait and something comes up and it proves to you be your fault or you lied , you are the only one to blame. If you cannot be honest and truthful you cannot be trusted, if you cannot be trusted you cannot build a relationship.

Codependency runs through out the lifestyle not all but the majority of those who are submissive are codependent. Being codependent is not a bad thing that is unless you happen to fall into the wrong hands. I read something not long ago where a submissive said she was feeling depressed and the reply from a Dom was , you just need a good fucking.

When I talk to a new Dominant who is about to enter a relationship , my first words are you’re whole life is about to change. You’re thought process is about to change, the way you acted , the way you speak , walk, act in public.

Then comes the dump truck , that will back up to you’re front door and start to dump. This is when you sit down looking at a puzzle in a million pieces and you have to put it all together. As you are putting together getting all the pieces to fit together you are looking and the puzzle is still growing.

I have yet to figure out why ? Most of the time a submissive will jump right out of the pan into the fire and just start spilling their guts and the Dom just sits there with a blank stare thinking what the fuck have I done.

It is like you have a hundred books in front of you all of them are open, here is the tricky part. Some are fiction but some are non-fiction and you have to be able to separate everything.

Once you have gathered all the facts and you have decided to move forward you can now put a training program in place. A training program that will be tailored to not only you the Dominant but to the slave or submissive. What worked training worked on one will not work on another. The same goes with rules.

As Dominants we have our standards when it comes to protocols public and private, we already have our structure in place and both will fall into part of the training.

I had mentioned codependency and the needy thing , while there are some who do not fall under either, I have found through out some 25 years most are indeed both.

In a perfect world and there is such a thing I know I am living it , in a perfect world there are many benefits a submissive or slave will experience.

What does she get out of the relationship , more so if the Dominant is older and in our lifestyle the age gap is pretty common.  An older Dominant for the most has settled down, the anger issues are out of the way, we have sewn our oats We are more settled and basically looking for the same thing a life long relationship.

Being in the right frame of mind , this is why we must communicate to make sure this is a need and not a want, making sure it is just not a fantasy or a sub frenzy. Communication I call just dating getting to know each other, finding what we have in common besides the lifestyle ….

The Submissive is seeking what most are seeking that is love and understanding, they are seeking acceptance. They are seeking guidance, and structure, and knowing someone wants to be with them because of who you are.

Being in the right frame of mind , truly understanding who you are and what your needs are. I would like to add LDR’s Long Distant Relationships seldom work unless there is an immediate plan for one or the other to make a move. If that is the case you should meet more than one. The submissive should be able to obtain references , check the local community. A good reason just recently a submissive move from Main sold everything she had moved in with a Daddy Dom and in thirty days time he set her out on the street with no place to go.

Training is for the good of the relationship I use to call training a form of Patty Hearst Syndrome, but as I grew older , now it is almost like rehabilitation a total mind reset, changing ones thought process.

You cannot begin training someone unless you truly know them, until you truly know the submissive inside out and it does not begin being physical.

The Submissive should have 24/7 access to her Dominant living together or even in a LDR this is most important if long distance it gives a sense of security.

If long distance know where your Dominant lives, know where he works , what he drives, after all he will want you to be transparent and he should as well.

Once you walk through the door and you drop your bag it is like you have stepped into another dimension, you will enter a whole new world. You the submissive has to be willing to adapt, you have to go in with a blank mind.

On the other side there is another Dominant and submissive, both who require no rules , no structure, no protocols and this is fine because if that works for you life is good.

When Arianna and I first met she was somewhat hesitant about entering a relationship with me because of the age difference. She had a bad experience with a Dominant who was much older than she was . He wanted the play and control but wanted none of the responsibility that came with the relationship. When Arianna first met him she was in a slave frenzy and trusted way to easy. After 6 months it came to a end but we had met just prior to the crash.

We talked or I let her talk because I needed to see where she was coming from and what her needs would be.

If you think about it a Submissive or Slave is looking for about the same thing someone in a vanilla relationship.

Trust , open  communication, honesty, , Loyalty , Someone who will not hurt them be it mentally , physically or verbally.  Knowing her limits will be respected. You can push someone over a cliff and the damage may not be repairable, or you could lose the trust you worked so hard to gain.

A good friend of mine a new Dominant asked the question what does she get out of it and she gets the above , but she gets so much more. Now she feels she has found home, she now feels she can be herself without being made fun of.

If you the Dominant leads with a fair but firm hand she will follow and follow with no questions.

Once rules are in place you cannot change to fit your needs, nor can you add more than one can take. Here are 50 rules and I want you to memorize them and be able to recite them back to me. This is unfair unless you the Dominant can do it. Very few rules are needed if you have protocols in place. Many have made fun of me when I speak about protocols but the fact is if you have in place and you are consistent you do not need that many rules.

If you the Dominant explain in detail who and what you are, then you have to maintain that status, so you need to be careful when you start explaining who and what you are about. If you tell someone what you need and expect you have to be able to explain what you have to offer and how you can benefit the relationship.

I explained the relationship is about me, when it comes to taking care of me, when it comes to sex everything, but I had to prove I would give back more than I would take and to this day I have proven that.

A true Dominant has gotten past the anger issues , a true Dominant is in full control , not only himself , but his surroundings , his home and his property. A true Dominant will drop what ever he is doing in a time of need. A true Dominant will listen with an open mind. A true Dominant will listen and care and find a solution when needed. A true Dominant will step up and take full responsibility. A true Dominant will put you first even when it comes to family and without question. A true Dominant who truly knows you , knows when something is wrong or about to be wrong, and will fix before things get out of hand.

I believe the Submissive should get way more out of the relationship than the Dominant does.

Arianna and I live a consensual non consent M’s relationship but and there is a but. This was all agreed on prior to entering the relationship . We entered the relationship as Master and Slave.

If you are both true to your word , if you are both honest and can communicate openly you will experience a relationship like you could never imagine..

Vile