Archive for bipolar

Dominants And Depression

Posted in abuse, Acceptance, Advice, Arianna, bdsm, Depression, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , on December 13, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is a blog I have been working on for sometime , and it is a subject I have not seen anyone touch on for what ever reason. The fact is Depression is alive and well in both men and women and children as well. It seems way to easy to push medication on someone rather than look at the root of the problem.

There are a lot of medications people take for depression that has real bad side effects , I am mainly speaking of the body organs.

I have a friend who is bi-polar but also suffers from Paranoid schizophrenia

R is really on some heavy duty medication and right now his kidney function is down to about 15% and he is only in his mid 50’s. Pretty bad side effects I would say.

I am no doctor nor do I have a PHD , what I do have though is about 25 year in the lifestyle and almost as long being active in the community. I have met thousands of people in the lifestyle over the years, and the few things I have done and done well is, I have learned to listen , Observe and take in massive amounts of information. I have also learned to read people very well.

I have spent years talking to those who are submissive as well as slaves , and I have met Dominants from all over the world. Again I watched , I listened , and I observed.

I am always watching my surroundings when I am out. The other night Arianna and I were walking and I was asking if she remembered things around her and she said no.

I then went on and said and the end of the road the house on the right there is a red mustang parked in the driveway, along with a Toyota tundra , while walking past another house there was a car and I asked her what was missing , and she shrugged and I said there is a Nissan pickup missing , sure enough on the way back the truck was there as well as the mustang and the Tundra.

I myself think it is very important to be aware of your surroundings , especially with everything that is going on around the world today.

Pocket mouse a very dear friend who at the age of 23 took her own life. A Dominant on Facebook took his own life two weeks ago and put pictures up of the before on his Facebook. Both suffered from depression and both took what they thought was the easy way out….Over the years I cannot count on both hands the number of Dominants and submissive’s who has taking that road , thinking it was the easy way out.

Being a Dominant is no easy task , despite what many may think. Being a Dominant is not about barking orders , or getting your cock sucked. There is a lot of responsibility that comes along with that title.

So we not only have our life to look after , we now have a slave or submissive to look after. We are not only making decisions for one but two. So any mistakes we make does not only effect us , it effects someone else as well.

Please do not take me wrong everyone in life deserves a chance , and if your a Dominant in the lifestyle and you suffer from any type of depression you just need to find your happy medium.

How much responsibility do you want to take on, the rules you want to enforce , the amount of structure you want to put in place, or maybe your just into kink. The idea is to keep yourself healthy….

Then comes the manipulation when the submissive has a Dominant who suffers from depression.  Your with this Dom because he will cave in to your wishes rather than try and stand firm. Any undo stress put on anyone who suffers from depression works against their medication. At this point the submissive is in full control of the relationship

You have to think if it is fair to put so much responsibility on someone knowing they are not able to take it , or maybe they do not even want it.

The same would go pushing a submissive farther than they are really capable. Forcing someone and most will do what ever if they think they are pleasing or hoping they can just hold their relationship together.

We all want and need a drama free stable life. The less problems we bring on ourselves the better our life flows.

Arianna , Arianna is my world and I know she has limits, not sexual or serving but mental limits. I know her breaking point and I respect that.

At times Arianna even gets a little manic , at times and I give her a little rope because I know there are things she feels she has to do , I am not talking about anything crazy , but you cannot just spit out the word NO all the time.

Knowing someone your in a relationship with is a must. I am going to show you an email I received from a Dominant who wanted advice. He was asking what type of punishment I thought he should give her, I was like really are you serious ?

The thing is they have been together for almost two years and he did not even really know her. This is something I have brought up several times over the past couple of years…

Email from Fetlife

written 5 days ago:

Good afternoon sir. I was wondering if I could ask you a question and get your advice.

Vile1962 52M
Florida
written 5 days ago:

Sure feel free

written 5 days ago:

Ok this is the situation. We went out Saturday night and had some drinks and danced then we were leaving and my sub ended up having a little to much. Well on the way out she seen a guy she had not seen in a long time and said hello and started talking. Well she talked for a while and I told ok baby let’s go. She turned around and said she is talking and we will leave when she is fucking done. Of course I couldn’t correct her right then. So I went and got the car and pulled up and told her again let’s go. Then the other guy that was with her friend came over and threatened to fight me. Well then she finally came and we left. Well we dropped off a friend that was with us and then stopped at a store unfortunately the same guys pulled up at the store and well things got heated and almost fighting. In the mean time my sub ran into the store and locked her self in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out. I didn’t know at the time but she is terrified of violence because of something in her past and went into a shock and was not in her right mind. She was scared of me and wouldn’t talk to me or anything. She said she wasn’t going to talk to me and if I didn’t leave her alone she would call the cops. Well she ended up getting into the car with those other guys and they were taking her to her dads. To shorten story once her mind got out of were ever she was. I got her and we went home. Everything is ok now. I realize I was wrong with some of my actions and lost control. But I didn’t realize this problem of hers. So I am on the fence on what to do. I feel she should have some punishment for some of the stuff she said and did. Now that I know she has this deep problem that don’t have all the details to I am going to work with her on that part to help her. I don’t want to hurt our relationship or mess her up. Should she be punished? What are your thoughts? Also I don’t abuse her and never will so. She knows that but just went to her past or something.

written 5 days ago:

I do know I did wrong as a dom allowing myself to lose control

Vile1962 52M
Florida
written 5 days ago:

This time let it slide.
I speak about this type of behavior in my blog.

See you know her but you really do not know her , which tells me the two of you have a huge communication gap.

Both of you should set time aside so you can just talk and talk about anything.
Punishing is not always necessary nor is it needed.
She probably acted out because you two had not discussed any type of protocols while being in public.

You have to be a Dominant 24/7 you are responsible for her health and well being.

If you had truly known her you could of prevented much of what happened.

Now as to her you need to let it be known her disrespecting you will not be tolerated.
This falls under protocols meaning how she is to act in public or private.

Losing your cool was not cool. We are to remain in control at all times.
That does not mean you let someone push you over , but a man in control has just that.

You need rules in place and you have to be consistent.
Rules are taking bad habits and replacing with good ones.

Protocols keep her in check when out.
1 she can talk to anyone.
2 she can speak when spoken to.
3 not a word.

You two can add or take away to fit your dynamics.

Just let her know she disrespected you and it will not be tolerated.

Hope I gave you the answer you were looking for

 Florida
written 5 days ago:

She tells you about herself in her profile, under fetishes.

Behavior modification , pushing your buttons to see if you will stand firm.

Remember getting angry shows a weakness she is now pushing your buttons.

written 5 days ago:

Thank you sir for your insight. I know as far as what she has let me know. I am working on it. She has a bad past with other people. She keeps some locked away. Some of it she doesn’t remember herself because she locked it away deep. I have been working hard to help. She said today that she is shocked that I have gotten deep in her mind. I have brought out some of it out and helping her heal. It is a process for sure. There has been stuff come out that she didn’t remember until it was brought out. She couldn’t remember it but it was effecting her. The one that came out the other night was one that was a shock to her also. That is why I was on the fence about punishment. You did confirm what I was thinking and not punish but have a firm talk and let her know it will not be tolerated. I just wanted to make sure that was the right thing to do and not let her think she can get away with it. Yes she does like to push my button and it is getting better. She Is learning that I do have that firm grip. It also helps me grow into a stronger dom also.

If you do not truly know someone more so in a D’s or an M’s relationship your at a dead end. It is clear she suffers from depression and her past still haunts her.

Is he a bad Dominant ? Probably no just inexperienced and still learning. The plus side is he is reaching out and asking for advice. I believe he cares for her but still has a lot of growing to do.

Depression is very serious and in some cases it can be deadly.

As Dominant we provide a couple of things, security being one, With security comes communication and honest communication.. Having the ability to speak when you need and open allows you to grow.

You need to set time aside on a daily bases and talk. You talk about anything and everything. Getting someone to open up is no easy task by any means. That is why through out the day I ask Arianna , Hey what is on your mind ? What are you thinking ? She will then share a long list of random things she has been thinking about and we talk about them.

What is fair for you may not be fair for someone else , you cannot just think about yourself , and if you do that is pretty selfish.

Communication

Vile

My Take On Online BDSM Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Aftercare, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Collar, BDSM Online Relationships, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Rules, BDSM Session, Bipolar, Collar, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, counselor or Psychiatrists, Depressed, Depression, Discipline, Dominant, Dominants, endorphin's, http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/, Humiliation, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Online Collar, Online Dominanrt, Protocol, Protocols, psychiatrist, relationships, Rules, session, slave, Sub Drop, Submission, submissive, submit with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I just read an excellent post from… http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

While I understood much of it there were a few things that were not covered so I wanted to touch base on somethings.

I myself have never been in a online relationship , I have tried and it does nothing for me.
I am strictly hands on and I have never had the desire to have an M’s relationship via the internet.

I have never been a picture collector as well . I myself find it very degrading and most will send pictures just to please , okay that is off topic.

While I can see how one a submissive or slave could reach that endorphin release at that moment and time , I would think that Sub-Drop would begin right after the laptop is powered off.

While I do believe Sub-Drop can be controlled it would not be able to be controlled if you were 500 miles away.

Sub-Drop requires a great deal of emotional understanding , communication and being physical , I mean as far as holding.
Communication is huge right after play or having a session, because you the Dominant wants to pick their brain. How do you feel right now ? What are your thoughts right now ? What were your thoughts during play? How were you feeling ? It just goes on and on.
To be online and then having to power off until the next session, I would imagine it would be pretty lonely.

While I can see the high and the thrill of remaining anonymous while sitting at your keyboard , I can see the downs as well as some dangers.

Even for a new comer there are things that have to be considered. Someones health , how stable are they? Are they taking any medications? do they suffer any type of depression? Does their depression go deeper maybe bipolar. Maybe they hurt themselves when alone or depressed.

I do know of many who have met online and while some have turned out good most have failed.

I have also found many online Dominants are single , and there has to be a reason. Maybe online is a bit easier, there is not as much responsibility when having an online relationship, you do not have the communication needs online like you do in a physical relationship. Then there is a lack of commitment , not having to commit causes less stress.

If one relationship does not work out then I see the advantage of moving on to another and being able to rather quickly.

Being able to remain anonymous means you can be who you want, but so can the submissive, and unless you know their mental state someone could get hurt.
I do know someone will not open up about something so personal online and what happens with the laptop fires up could not have a good turn out.

I have never figured out how you can own someone and just be online. I have never figured out, when people speak of an online collar.

You never really have any control. The only control you have is the control your being told you have. You have no structure or stability with in the relationship. You cannot enforce rules on any level, you are having to go by what your being told.

I do know most online relationships turn sexual in a very short amount of time, and the Dominant is soon demanding pictures and videos. That I never understood since that is not what we are suppose to be about.

Although as Dominants we should never be rescuers , we are here to help. In many cases although we do not have a PHD we are at times a psychiatrist , we are a best friend , we give advice , we communicate , and we offer options based on our experience.

We provide the stability a sub or slave needs in their life, and in a sense we make everything alright. We take away the deep pain and the feeling of not being able to feel.

I have a saying I have used for many years. Come and Let me hold you so I can feel your pain , and today I believe that statement to be true you can feel someones hurt, you can feel someones needs but more so you can feel love.

Like Ive said I have never had an online relationship and I am 51 years old. Ive never wanted an online relationship, again because I am hands on…

While I do believe you can learn a lot online, a submissive or slave can never lern, what it is like to be in a physical relationship.

I found a lot of good from the post ……

http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

I just wanted to add my side..

brad

Much Love Vile

7/4/14 My Thoughts On Mental Health And BDSM

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, anxiety, Arianna, bdsm, Bipolar, Collar, communication with tags , , , , , on July 3, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have touched on this subject before but I have some new information I would like to share.
Also the effects of training someone who suffers from depression and anxiety.

Knowing your submissive or slave is very important before starting any type of D’s or M’s Relationship.
I have had two doctors tell me the lifestyle can be beneficial as well , when one is provided with a stable home, structure, rules and yes the word everyone hates protocols.
I am sure you will find what I have to say very interesting.
Also feel free to interject,  I like it when people comment agreeing or not.

Have a kick ass 4th Vile style.