Archive for codependency

There Is No Failure

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, communication, Dominance Through Intimidation, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Humiliation, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Submissive being used, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 31, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

I hate the word failure , I hate it even more when someone who’s the word failure, it has no meaning. When someone uses the word Failure it means they are looking for pity, empathy , reassurance, thinking maybe just maybe I can pull them from the depths  of the living hell , when they are the ones who dug the hole. A screw up on your end does not make it an emergency on my end.

I have a problem with empathy , mainly because most problems are self inflicting. You act before thinking , or you act knowing the outcome but you’re willing to take that chance.

So what if the first relationship fails , so what if the second or the third fails and the odds are if your new in the lifestyle you will take those steps.

The new submissive or slave goes through what is called a Freenzy a New Dominant will experience the same thing. The mind is racing a hundred miles an hour and you will listen to know one. The new Dominant wants a mentor and that usually last about two weeks.

The key word is not communication , I talk to people everyday I do not like. The key word is compatibility. If you are not compatible , no amount of communication will help either of you.

There always has to be someone to blame. She was a bitch , he was a dick. She was not submissive, he was not Dominant.

Just because the relationship does not work does not mean you or anyone is a failure. The wrong person at the wrong time.

There are two words I use on a regular basis. Love and Appreciate each time I look into Arianna’s eyes and say I love you or I appreciate you and everything you do.

If I take I give back , that is something many forget in a relationship we tend to take things for granted , we forget how we got where we are.

It is the Submissive or Slave who makes a great Dominant or Master. Those words are hard to swallow for some. It is the Submissive or Slave who builds the home, who sets the pace. It is Arianna I am grateful for.

Being a new Dominant you are ready to jump in head first, you are the kind , you want to rule you’re  world, You are Tarzan beating your chest. You grab the first Submissive that comes along, you start barking orders, and in a short time your Submissive has somehow become your mother. The Submissive now starts to question you, the Submissive now becomes needy, the Submissive now becomes emotional , the Submissive now wants to communicate.

What ? I did not sign up for this shit, I just wanted some ass , a little head , someone to clean and cook. Just as the Submissive did not do enough research neither did the new Dominant. The relationship fails. It does not make anyone a failure.

Many times when a relationship in our lifestyle fails the blame goes to the submissive, we as humans hate to take the blame or responsibility when something does not go right.

Last month a Dominant whom I had broken ties with contacted me out of the blue , I sat there for some time just thinking about if I should contact him or not. I did and the first words out of his mouth was someone told me I have a bad name in the community. I was like get the fuck out really?  The truth be known he does, he is known to be very abusive, mentally , verbal and at times physical. I have never witnessed the physical but I have the other.

I distance myself from people like this and I do it for a reason. It is not that I care because I do not. My circle is small and I surround myself with those who are positive. Those who are negative will only pull you down into their living hell. Those who are negative will bring drama at your doorstep and expect you to help clean it up , or possibly want you to take care of everything…

That old saying , making the same mistake expecting different results , that is not a mistake that is being stupid.

Being naive is a serious problem for those who are new to the lifestyle. You meet a Dominant , you get the frenzy like he is a god and you believe everything he says and you fall for the bullshit.

Someone contacted me and even commented she is going to meet her new Dominant and he wants to begin the physical training, what ? I am going to assume that she thinks this is okay and will go along with it, the word Naive comes into play when she asked for advice I emailed her and no reply which I am good with. It could also be this is the type of relationship she is looking for.

I take training very serious, training is different for each slave or submissive. Each has a different way of thinking, different habits , different needs.

You cannot just meet someone and start laying out rules and begin training because you know absolutely nothing about the submissive. A Dominant who would even suggest such a plan is just a fucking dumb ass.

You are not broken , you are not a failure , so you are a little needy , so you may be a little codependent, so what if you need direction, communication, rules and structure , this does not make you a failure.

Many can spot these signs and at times use it against the submissive. You are a failure , you are worthless, you are nothing without me, you are a stupid bitch, sound familiar ? This is when you open the door and run as far as you can, you never allow someone to bring you down.

Dominants who do not have any experience or are ego driven use such tactics , name calling , isolation , passwords to all of your accounts.

You are going to make mistakes , you are going to make several mistakes , but the mistakes you make does not make you a failure. The key is to learn from your mistakes and make the proper adjustments .

You are no ones submissive until you agree to enter a relationship, you have the right to say no until you agree to enter a relationship. You do not have to call anyone Sir until you feel the Dominant has earned your respect.  You are in control 100% until you agree to enter a relationship.

If you are in a LDR relationship training does not work , it will not work it is virtually impossible. Most LDR training consist of sending nude pics, phone sex so the Dom can beat off. The Dominant has no true control if you do not live together or in the same city.

Training is a hands on project.

If you’re training consist of you laying on your back or on your knees sucking cock then you need to step back and ask questions.

Learn from your mistakes.

 

 

 

 

 

Arianna’s Codependency

Posted in Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, codependency, codependent, Master, Master And Slave, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

In the Vanilla world the word codependent is a nasty word , it is a word of weakness , and it is an open door for abuse. Most men can smell it a mile away. Most men see it as a easy target. Then here comes the Leech it starts sucking and sucking and sucking until there is nothing left. The you wake up one morning and your alone. So what do you do ? You get up and you start all over. You have just been knocked down , kicked, slapped and called every name in the book and some you have never heard, and of course the relationship breakdown is your fault and your fault only.

What adds to the pie is if you suffer from depression. I have mixed feeling about some of the medications that are used to treat people. Is there a cure ? I highly doubt it but the road to success starts within the home , how the home is ran. Abuse , problems , drama , and the one key a lack of love.

So you go see a shrink you talk for thirty minutes and you walk out with a hand full of prescriptions you cant afford , and no one is there to help you fill them , so you have hit another road block.

I have mixed feelings about Codependency , most in the medical field say there is a cure and I believe there can be a cure under the right conditions , and without  most of the medications that are giving out , well maybe not a complete cure but a cure as far as you can take it.

Many Dominants who are new , those who could give a fuck and those who are clueless will step into such a relationship without a care. Things are good until you become or show signs of being needy, this is where your relationship turns bad.

This is why it is so important to get to know someone on a personal level first before entering any type of relationship and more so when it comes to BDSM. Once you enter that area you now have the responsibility of two and not just one. That means depending on what phase you are in the relationship will depend on the amount of time you have to devote to your property.

What are your limits ? This is a question that should take time to come up, limits have no meaning if you do not know whom your speaking with. Many of you can ask your New Dominant what your favorite food is or drink even color and you will get silence . Why ? Because they have not been listening to you, they hear you but they are not listening.

Before I met Arianna I knew I wanted a relationship , and in a two year period I cannot even tell you how many who said they were submissive or slaves I dated. I had a list of questions and a list of my needs , and a list of the must. If I heard the word no or I cant , we were done because I refused to bend.  See I wanted a relationship a long term relationship but I wanted very little responsibility . I wanted the pussy the mouth and the ass and a side of kink, maybe a few rules and I would of been good.

The key is to find someone who will say yes, yes, yes , I am fine with that , yes and yes.  The minute you have to say well why not ? Have you tried it ? You may like it why not give it a try ? You are then forcing someone to do something they are not comfortable with , you are changing someone and that is not what we want to do, we want to build on what we have.  If you try to change someone you are telling them you are not happy with who they are. The second you try to change someone , the first thoughts are they are not good enough for you, if they were you would not be trying to change or force them to do something they are against….

If a Dominant is trying to change you in any way then he is not the Dom for you. You should be taking as you are and build from there.

When I met Arianna, just from a few words I could tell there was something there , I had a very good feeling. We talked and it was nothing about BDSM . I wanted to know about her , music , food , her work which I found to be very interesting. I wanted to know what she was thinking , and what made her think the way she did.

Along with my needs Arianna had a list of needs and a list that to this day continues to grow. I took a couple of days to think if I wanted to take on the amount of responsibility Arianna wanted me to take on , because I knew it would not be an easy task.

I agreed to such a relationship and now over a two year period we have yet to have an argument , no fighting , no yelling and no name calling.  This is all due to open communication.

The first 90 days was a test for both of us , what shocked me was Arianna’s submission , there was absolutely no resistance , that through me for a loop and I had to change some things up. The first initial training lasted for approx 90 days, during that time there were test , to include being a in service slave for another Master and Slave. Serving dinner , refilling drinks and using proper protocols that had been put into place. Master R was very impressed with Arianna;s performance.

Something else I did was to introduce Arianna to people I knew who was active in the local community , not trying to prove who or what I was but to show I was who I was. To Let Arianna know I was being truthful just as I expected her to be.

Then came the final test , I cut Arianna’s hair , I had the right side shaved , well not bald but short enough it could not be combed. Maybe it was not a test I had that planned from day one.

We are Master and Slave , I control everything in our life , I control every move Arianna makes , from sitting , to eating, bathing , clothes , bed time , naps if I feel one is needed , to most of her clothes. I do allow free time , and I allow her to see friends and family as well , with a one weeks request.

I control her speech , she has now perfected speaking in thirds. Arianna never uses the words I or me. I do give Arianna full rein in the kitchen , unless there is something I want. On my days off I do a great deal of cooking , so it was not a maid or a mother figure I was looking for. I help out around the house when needed.

Right above Arianna’s click is my initial , perfectly shaved and has been there for more than two years , so while I am fucking her I can look down and see that I truly own her.

Now your thinking Vile you are abusive , how could you treat someone in this manner ? How can you be so cruel , and mean to someone you love ? How can you humiliate someone you say you love so dearly ? Oh I forgot the GPS tracker on her cell phone.

Well !!! Here is the thing , everything mentioned above was Arianna’s idea. Everything above was Arianna’s needs. Everything above is what Arianna needed in a M’s relationship. Arianna wanted to be owned property.

Being codependent does not make you weak , it does not make you dumb , or anything less. You know if your Codependent , you know your submissive , you know if your a baby girl , or even a slave.  It is your responsibility to find someone who has your best interest , someone who will accept you for who you are , but most important someone who understands you.

A couple of years ago Arianna had a small break down and one before that , and the other day we were talking and she made the statement she no longer had the ups in life, it was like she was just here.

So here are my thoughts and again this is only my opinion , I do not have a PHD but I do have a PHD when it comes to the lifestyle. I have met hundreds and thousands of Dominants , subs and slaves , I enter act with people in the local community, and I have spent a great deal of time with subs and slaves. One thing many had in common not all but many . Some suffered from depression , anxiety , Bi polar , and Codependency, again I did not say all.

I am really surprised the medical profession had not put 1+1 together. I am surprised the medical profession has not done more research on the subject.

So you have a stroke , a spinal injury from a accident , a nervous breakdown , they all have one thing in common , your brain now transmits information different. You can have a small stroke and be 98% okay in a short time or you can have a major stroke and you can no longer walk, the same with spinal injures and breakdowns. What happens now our brain now transmits information differently and sometimes slower. You can take medication to ease things but your never the same. It is not your fault , it is life and sometimes life sucks.

When does someone’s submissiveness start at what age ? At what time in life does someone realize they are submissive or a slave ? Many it begins from birth but it may take years before they understand their feelings , something happens in their life that causes changes , or something gets triggered, a movie , a book maybe a website , or just through general conversation. Something triggers it.

A Dominant is born it is very difficult for a Dominant who is middle age to discover they have a Dominant side and they now want a submissive. I am not going to say it does not happen it does and it is very rare.  I have met a few Dominants who entered the lifestyle at a later age and they are true, then I have met a lot of dick heads, who use the lifestyle as a way to abuse.

What many fail to understand is we area ll different , we all have different needs. We all react differently to different situations , we all handle problems different, we react different our thought process is different.

If you as a submissive or slave are emotional or maybe you suffer from depression then you need to tread on thin water, you need to be careful. Your mental state of mind is what is important. Being who you are is important, being free is what you need…

Codependency

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