Archive for depression

Why I want To Be Your Slave

Posted in 24/7, A slaves passwords, Acceptance, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, communication, Consensual, control, controlling, Depression, Dominant with drinking problems, Dominants, Dominants who suffer from depression, Email, Inservice Slave, Master, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, molding your slave, Private Protocol, Protocol public, Protocols, Rules, slave, Structure, Submission, submissive, The slave must adapt, Total Submission, TPE, Training Arianna, Training your submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 24, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

First off I usually do not share something this personal, but I wanted to give some idea of the steps we took before entering a relationship. This was not a rush to judgement. Our relationship was something that was giving a lot of thought on both parts.

Arianna was going through her email last night and found an email that was in the very early stages of our relationship. A email that was not only deep in nature , but an email that set the pace of our awesome relationship. Many it seems it is much easier to put things on paper because it is much easier to express yourself. Sitting in front of someone when asked a direct question can cause some to mumble away out of nervousness. So if your ever in that situation let it be known your not ready to answer you need time. That statement is fair and needed sometime , unlike the TV shark tank where a decision has to be made right there and then.

Moving onto a D’s or M’s relationship is a huge step , you have to know exactly what your getting yourself into and you need to make sure your both on the same page. Being open and honest about your needs is very important.
If your a submissive and one of your hard limits is golden showers , but the Dominant you are talking to has a fetish with Showers , then you have a lot of thinking to do.

Warning signs you should look out for. A Dominant with anger issues, a dominant with anger issues is not a dominant , he is a predator. A Dominant with anger issues will abuse you and you can get hurt. A controlling Dominant , a controlling Dominant demanding all of your passwords to your different accounts, your social media accounts. This is not a Dominant this is an insecure male trying to bully his way into a relationship. If the Dominant your talking to is into pain and you are not , then he is the wrong Dominant for you.. That would be the same if you were thinking about seeing a Dominant who suffers from depression, although there are some who would disagree…. If a Dominant cannot control his own life in all matters, then how can he control you ?

It is like buying a pair of gloves , you want a nice tight fit, if it is to big it just will not fit right. Having the perfect it is very important…

Back to the email , I had a question that had seven words in it, once I asked Arianna the question , I told her she could have sometime to think about it. I asked the question because I wanted to know where she was coming from. I wanted to know her feelings and what she was thinking.

She did answer me in an email and this was her answer.

Why I want To Be Your Slave

Date:01/03/2013 8:55 AM (GMT-05:00)

These are Arianna’s words

Of all the titles that one can have, the title of Slave is rare. Only a true slave can fulfill their Masters needs.
I want to become a true slave.

In my mind, a true slave:

Can foresee their Masters needs.

Is available for service at any time

Has no safe words but relies on their Masters care and attention that He may take me a little further than I would normally go on my own.

Is an extension of their Masters hand.

Is open to new experiences.

Has a continually thirst to serve and be of service in any aspect the Master desires.

Trusts Master more than oneself.

Why I choose you?
You are strong and attentive. Caring and consistent.

Why do I want the title of Viles’s slave?
I believe that there is a lot to learn. That my mind has just barely touched the surface of M/s.
I have a longing for my body, mind and soul to be owned. I have a desire to be a captive to the imagination of You. I am clay ready to be molded. I am a virgin slave per se and I need to be controlled. I need to be bound. I need to be gagged. I need to be restricted. I need to be used. I need to feel like my body belongs to You. I long for the mind fuck. I want to lose control and let go. I want You to get in my head and make me Into Your pet. I want to lay at Your feet. I want You to become my sole thought. My sole need and desire. I wish I could flip a switch and give You all. Maybe after we have the house to ourselves I can take a week and just be there for you in an intense training. Naked, chained, fed by you. I can become anything you want. I want to go deep. If I could I would be with you 24/7. Ideally, I would love to be chained and work from home on the computer running your business.

Those are really deep words , and even today Arianna is finding and thinking of more ways to give more of her submission.
Second Arianna did go through a very extensive training plan for a period of 90 days. Those 90 days were the make or break it time. I would also like to add Training is continuous on going daily.

Once you have everything in place, rules , public and private, protocols both public and private the relationship really moves very smoothly…

universe

Vile

12/1/2014 Depression And DSM

Posted in abuse, bdsm, control, Depressed, Depression, Dominants, Master, slave, submissive with tags , , , , on November 30, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I started this post a couple of days ago.

I am going to share some pretty  deep things about  me and my life growing up.

I’m going to share how I lost everything and fought back.

Life is not  easy but  in many ways we create our own path , we control  our own path , we create our own problems but we can eliminate them as well.

We clearly choose our path in life our own destiny.

We have so much control but we as humans are always looking for the easy way out.

Life is not difficult , we make it difficult,  we create  problems and expect  others to clean up our mess.

Those of you who suffer from depression your not broken, your in need of a little  guidance and a lot of love.  There are those who need someone in control and there is nothing wrong with that.

The key is being with someone  who truly cares about you and wants to see you grow.

My life as a kid was not easy. I grew up in a very broken home. I grew up in a very abusive  home.

It is okay if you make mistakes,  mistakes  make you grow. It is up to you not to make the same mistakes over and over.

Man on top of mountain.

Vile

My Take On Online BDSM Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Aftercare, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Collar, BDSM Online Relationships, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Rules, BDSM Session, Bipolar, Collar, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, counselor or Psychiatrists, Depressed, Depression, Discipline, Dominant, Dominants, endorphin's, http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/, Humiliation, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Online Collar, Online Dominanrt, Protocol, Protocols, psychiatrist, relationships, Rules, session, slave, Sub Drop, Submission, submissive, submit with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I just read an excellent post from… http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

While I understood much of it there were a few things that were not covered so I wanted to touch base on somethings.

I myself have never been in a online relationship , I have tried and it does nothing for me.
I am strictly hands on and I have never had the desire to have an M’s relationship via the internet.

I have never been a picture collector as well . I myself find it very degrading and most will send pictures just to please , okay that is off topic.

While I can see how one a submissive or slave could reach that endorphin release at that moment and time , I would think that Sub-Drop would begin right after the laptop is powered off.

While I do believe Sub-Drop can be controlled it would not be able to be controlled if you were 500 miles away.

Sub-Drop requires a great deal of emotional understanding , communication and being physical , I mean as far as holding.
Communication is huge right after play or having a session, because you the Dominant wants to pick their brain. How do you feel right now ? What are your thoughts right now ? What were your thoughts during play? How were you feeling ? It just goes on and on.
To be online and then having to power off until the next session, I would imagine it would be pretty lonely.

While I can see the high and the thrill of remaining anonymous while sitting at your keyboard , I can see the downs as well as some dangers.

Even for a new comer there are things that have to be considered. Someones health , how stable are they? Are they taking any medications? do they suffer any type of depression? Does their depression go deeper maybe bipolar. Maybe they hurt themselves when alone or depressed.

I do know of many who have met online and while some have turned out good most have failed.

I have also found many online Dominants are single , and there has to be a reason. Maybe online is a bit easier, there is not as much responsibility when having an online relationship, you do not have the communication needs online like you do in a physical relationship. Then there is a lack of commitment , not having to commit causes less stress.

If one relationship does not work out then I see the advantage of moving on to another and being able to rather quickly.

Being able to remain anonymous means you can be who you want, but so can the submissive, and unless you know their mental state someone could get hurt.
I do know someone will not open up about something so personal online and what happens with the laptop fires up could not have a good turn out.

I have never figured out how you can own someone and just be online. I have never figured out, when people speak of an online collar.

You never really have any control. The only control you have is the control your being told you have. You have no structure or stability with in the relationship. You cannot enforce rules on any level, you are having to go by what your being told.

I do know most online relationships turn sexual in a very short amount of time, and the Dominant is soon demanding pictures and videos. That I never understood since that is not what we are suppose to be about.

Although as Dominants we should never be rescuers , we are here to help. In many cases although we do not have a PHD we are at times a psychiatrist , we are a best friend , we give advice , we communicate , and we offer options based on our experience.

We provide the stability a sub or slave needs in their life, and in a sense we make everything alright. We take away the deep pain and the feeling of not being able to feel.

I have a saying I have used for many years. Come and Let me hold you so I can feel your pain , and today I believe that statement to be true you can feel someones hurt, you can feel someones needs but more so you can feel love.

Like Ive said I have never had an online relationship and I am 51 years old. Ive never wanted an online relationship, again because I am hands on…

While I do believe you can learn a lot online, a submissive or slave can never lern, what it is like to be in a physical relationship.

I found a lot of good from the post ……

http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

I just wanted to add my side..

brad

Much Love Vile

Are You Codependent ?

Posted in abuse, anticipation, anxiety, Argue, Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, codependent, communication, Consistency, consistent, control, counselor or Psychiatrists, Depressed, Depression, Dominant, It Is Our Responsibility, Master And Slave, self confidence, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , on August 14, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Arianna’s mother and I have a love hate relationship. I suppose it is the fact I control everything when it comes to her daughter.

Her Mother does know about our lifestyle just as my family knows. The one thing her mother knows is Arianna is in a much better place, and that she appreciates.

So the topic came up a couple of weeks ago, while her mother and I were standing in the kitchen talking, and her mother made the comment about Arianna being Codependent . Is that how your lifestyle works you make your women codependent?

I said absolutely not , as a matter of fact Arianna has always been codependent, either you did not see it or you just did not care. The same goes for her past relationships, if they did see it they just did not want the responsibility

So I looked at her mother in the eye, and I said Arianna is codependent but I have perfected it.

While it is true many who are Submissive and more so those who are slaves are codependent, not all, I did not say all, Many.

This part is not abuse or maybe it is. A Dominant with zero experience has no idea how to deal with someone who is codependent, and it quickly becomes a burden. So either you find someone who knows what is going on, and work it from there, or you just say I am sorry I bit off more than I could chew. Because the longer you the Dominant sticks around the more damage you are doing.

Here is a little known fact about the medical profession, more so  when it come to counselors and Psychiatrists.

They are quick to tell you what the problem is, they are also quick to tell you what you should do to fix it, but they do not tell you how to fix it. So all the Psychiatrists is in real life is a pill pusher, because if you can mask the problem, you are no longer a problem.

Everyone is wired differently, we all think different, our brains are wired differently, our visions on how we see the world are different. You can tell someone what the problem is, and what they should be doing, but your missing the main ingredient , The How To.

 

So either we as Dominants expect ours for who they are, or you leave, because if you do neither, here comes your temper, he comes the anger, and here comes the abuse.

There is no life coach who can change you, maybe for a short time, but the first time something goes wrong, your right back where you started, but this time your alone.

In most cases Dominants make better Psychiatrists than Psychiatrists do. Did that even make sense?

The only difference is we are not allowed to write scripts.

So your codependent, that is perfectly fine if you are in the right hands. Because a good Dominant will lift you up just enough so you can act on your own. Remember the Behavior Modification?

 Again not everyone in the lifestyle is Codependent, but when you look at the whole picture the majority are.

It is okay to be you, it is okay to expect someone to except you for you, and not want to change you.

The only thing you truly want is to be understood and loved.

universe

Vile

 

What Makes A Dominant

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, anal sex, Argue, Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, BDSM Collar, BDSM Rules, BDSM Safety, Behavior Modification, Bondage, cheating, Cheating Dominant, Collar, Collared Slave, Collars, Commit, commitment, communication, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Daddy Dom, Depressed, Depression, Dominance, Dominance Through Intimidation, Dominant, Dominants, Dominants Protocol, FaceBook Vile Woods, fifty shades of grey, Humiliation, Living Poly, Married Dominant, Master, Master And Slave, poly, Poly couple, poly slaves, Polyamory, sex, slave, Spanking, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used, submissive or slave has rights with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is an answer that will differ from one person to another. Every Submissive, Slave, or Baby Girl will have a different definition. Every Slave, Submissive or Baby Girl has different needs, their submissive is on different levels, but the characteristics should be somewhat the same when it comes to A definition.

Honesty should be first on the list. When you first meet a new Dominant the first words out of his mouth is. You should always be honest with me. Now if he holds you to such high standards , why would he not be held to the same ?

I know I rag on married men who cheat on their wives, but if a man is married and he tells you, I want you to be honest with me at all times. You need to stop and think about those words coming out of his mouth, because he is already lying to you about being honest. It is clear he cannot run or control his own home, so how can he control you?

I will speak about couples who move into the lifestyle here in a minute, because there is a clear difference.

You know when meeting a new Dominant you should be able to tell if he has your best interest in mind. Such as asking about your home life, your health, any medications your on. The music you like, your favorite foods, you get the picture.

It is very important the two of you get to know each other as friends.If you start the relationship off on a sexual note, then that is all you will have and it will be short lived.

Make sure you fully understand what is expected of you. I myself explain things in such detail when I am finished there are no questions. If you ask me a question I give a very in depth answer.

Before a Dominant can hand out any rules, he should know you inside out, He should know how you think and what makes you think the way you do. He must have a clear picture and understanding of your bad and good habits.

I have said before rules are meant to replace bad habits. Rules are meant to provide structure. Rules will give you a comfort zone, meaning you have a clear understanding of what is going on. Once you have rules in place, they are almost never altered. Once you have a grasp on everything a few maybe added or old ones taken away.

Training

Is training real? Absolutely it is real and there are many different levels of training depending on how far you are wanting to take your submission.
Training can be mild, or it can be extreme, and even taking as far as what some would call the Stockholm syndrome, and one of the best references would be to study up on the Patty Hurst case.

You the Submissive or Slave should know and understand exactly what it is you hope to gain out of your training. How do you see yourself living in a D’s Or M’s relationship.
Before the training begins, the Dominant should sit you down and explain what he hopes to gain from your training, and where he hopes to see you in 90 days or so.
The training process can only be effective if the Dominant is consistent on a daily basis. The training can only be effective if the rules, and protocols are enforced on a daily basis.

A Dominant will never ask you to do anything that may put your job in jeopardy. A Dominant will never ask you to do anything that could be against the law.

Isolation

Many of you really have no idea what the term Isolation means when it comes to a D’s or M’s lifestyle. Implementing such an act can be very harmful to you mentally, and physically. Shutting you out from the outside world, keeping you away from family and friends.
Lets face it we all need a break at one time or another. Being able to visit friends, family, having a girls night out. You want to be able to clear your head.
Isolation is something many fake Doms use as a tool. The more your isolated the less chance you have finding out any real information.
You Don’t need friends you have me. You don’t need to talk to anyone else , that is why you have me. I am your Dom, or master I have all the information you need.

You should never give your passwords or any other personal information to your Dominant. This is a true sign of the Dominant being insecure. We are all adults and we all need some privacy. Insecurity, and a huge ego will get you nowhere.
You as a submissive or Baby girl, you have the right to question, you also have the right to say no. If your not sure Google submissive or Baby girl.

If you do not live together you should have full access to your Dominants home, once you both have agreed to enter a relationship.
The reason being, he will tell you what is yours is now his. Well surprise, surprise it works both ways now..

You should have access to your Dominant 24/7 if you are not living together. If you send a text or email, you should expect a response in a timely manner, meaning within an hour or so.
I have seen on her where a Dominant has told his property he was to busy to text, or email for several days.

Pick up your cell phone and type 35 words and time yourself and see how long it takes. 15 seconds maybe? So your going to tell me the Dominant does not have time to respond, yea bullshit.

Remember you have giving your submission, and he the Dominant has taking on the responsibility. You do have rights.

If you do not live together, and you have agreed to enter a relationship, the Dominant should be able to provide you with a clear time line on when the two of you would be making some kind of move. If neither have no plans of moving in together that is fine.

The Poly Dominant

Poly is not for everyone, and living in a poly relationship is probably one of the hardest task in the lifestyle. Most poly families do not life together, for one reason or another. I know of a couple right now that are working but the drama is just out of hand.
If you do not live together, there is no way to maintain any type of structure. If you do not live together, there is no way to enforce any type of rules or protocols.

You the Submissive needs to ask upfront if the Dominant is poly or not. If you are not poly then you need to make it clear, and you need to stand by your words.
If you are open to the idea but with stipulations you need to make them clear.
You should also ask why he has a need to have more than one submissive or slave. When I has asked other Doms the answer has always been I need more flavor. Think about this for a minute, more flavor really? So your cocking sucking skills are not good enough, maybe he needs a tighter pussy? Or maybe you refuse to do anal and that is a need for him. If ass fucking is a need and your not into anal, guess what? Your the wrong submissive for him.

Dominants And Depression

That is a loaded gun, and the clip is never empty. There is a great chance you the submissive or slave has some form of depression, not everyone but the odds are pretty good you do.
If this is the case, how would you expect a Dominant who suffers from pretty much the same thing, take control of your life. If the Dominant is not able to control his own life, how can he control yours?
These are questions you need to find out before entering a relationship. You need to know what type of medications he is on and what they are for.
When entering a D’s or M’s relationship you can leave no stone un-turned.
Depression is a silent killer, watch the news this morning and you will see.

The Dominant.

No real Dominant has anger issues. The real Dominant is in full control. The real Dominant lives by the truth, and expects the same in return. A Dominant is in full control of his life and surroundings. The real Dominant has no Drama inssues, he has no Drama with the Ex.
Most Dominant are very active in the lifestyle it is a true need, I know this because it is for me, and the 25 or so I meet with every month.
You should be able to ask for references, of other Doms he knows and in some cases other Subs he knows or has owned before.

Reason being you are going to let a man tie you up, spank your ass, along with many other things, and you do not want someone who just read 50 shades thinks he is the almighty, he is now the Master of Masters. You can get hurt.

Couples moving into the Lifestyle

Now this is the other Dominant, he may still have some anger issues. Anger or controlling anger takes a while to master, it takes time to learn how to control. It took me some time, I do have a temper, and I have lost it, but Arianna has never seen that side of me and she never will.
You have to learn how to filter that anger and replace it with good.
One thing I started doing, my mentor told me this. If you are angry think about what your going to say before you say it.
This gives you time to rethink what your about to say, and it also gives you time to calm down a little.

If your wife is not Submissive, but you have found a Dominant side in you, if you sat your wife down and explain your needs in full detail, it is more than likely she will agree to experiment with your idea. You have to be able to sat her down, and explain in clear detail what has made you change, and why these things are now a need. In most cases it is in the woman’s blood to want to please.

If you are a submissive and your Husband is not Dominant, well it is sad to say your pretty much out of luck.
Chances are the male is not going to want to take on anymore responsibility than he already has, which in most cases is very little. Those who have very little responsibility, are in it for the mother figure thing , and that is what you are you do everything his mother did, except for sex.

You cook, you clean, you take care of the kids, you pay the bills, and he watches Monday Night Football.
Many married men see BDSM as abuse, and they feel bad about doing certain things.

You all know how I feel about stepping outside of the marriage, it is wrong.
When you got married you exchanged Vows and you made a promise.
If you are not happy leave, it is not fair to you, but more so it is not fair to the other.
How long are you going to live your life unhappy, so when you think about stepping out, think about your family. Why would you want to drag them or your children through your mess.

The Collar
The collar has great meaning. The collar is a sign of ownership. Once around your neck you will feel a bond like no other. This is when your relationship really begins to grow.

The Collar is giving after your first phase of training. The first phase as I call it, can last anywhere from 3 to 6 months. About the same length of time you would think about getting married to someone.
The collar means you are now owned, the collar means you and your Dominant have come to terms and you are now ready to settle in.

If your Dom went to Wal mart and purchased a 6.00 dog collar, you now know how much your worth. If he went to an adult book store and paid 9.99 for a collar, again you now know how much your worth.

The collar is meant to be worn 24/7, so if you are a professional then great care should be taking when he is selecting your collar.

Many 50 shades Dominant have these wal mart collars and will try to give you the collar on the first meeting. This is used as leverage, this gives him more control over you, because you have agreed to submit, and only knowing him in person for a couple of hours.

Last you want to be excepted for who you are, not who the Dominant wants you to be. You want to be loved and cared for, you want communication, you want honesty, you want someone who is going to always put you first no matter what. You want someone who understands you, as a partner and a submissive, you want security, but you want that firm hand as well.
You want a leader who is in control, and stands by his words.

You want a real Dominant.
Image

Vile

7/4/14 My Thoughts On Mental Health And BDSM

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, anxiety, Arianna, bdsm, Bipolar, Collar, communication with tags , , , , , on July 3, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have touched on this subject before but I have some new information I would like to share.
Also the effects of training someone who suffers from depression and anxiety.

Knowing your submissive or slave is very important before starting any type of D’s or M’s Relationship.
I have had two doctors tell me the lifestyle can be beneficial as well , when one is provided with a stable home, structure, rules and yes the word everyone hates protocols.
I am sure you will find what I have to say very interesting.
Also feel free to interject,  I like it when people comment agreeing or not.

Have a kick ass 4th Vile style.