Archive for D’s couple

Do You Really Need To Train Your Submissive ?

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, bdsm, BDSM Rules, Meeting a Dominant for the first time, Meeting a new Dominant, Meeting your new Dom/Master, Protocol, slave, Submission, submissive, submissive blank canvas, submissive or slave has rights, sucking dick with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 21, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

The truth is , no you do not. I know this sounds weird coming from me, but in a real perfect world no training is really required.

Many of you who are in active relationships have really had no type of formal training. Having no training can be okay and find if you are in the right hands.

Now you ask me how is having no training possible and being in a D’s relationship even possible ? How can a D’s relationship work with no training at all?

To train someone is to change someone into something the Dominant wants or needs. Training can be mild to extreme. Training can be very loving, or it can be very hard and strict. That would mainly depend on the Dominant or Master.

If you are truly a Submissive and you have the need to serve, in the right hands no formal training is really required.

Here is my thoughts and my reasoning. You have a lion who gives birth to a cub, once the cub is old enough to learn how to hunt it already has the basic instincts. What the cub now needs it for the lion to teach it how to use the skills it has already.

Okay maybe not the perfect analogy , but if you think about it, it really fits my explanation.

So you being the submissive already know your submissive, and you have the need to serve, be it sexual or domestic or both. What you need is someone who is capable of fine tuning those skills.

A lot depends on the submissive during this growing and learning process. It depends on how honest you have been, it depends on how much you want to put into the relationship , it depends on how much you truly trust your Dominant. It depends on the bond the two of you have formed, but more than anything , How much you want to serve.

See you already have the basic instincts , you already have a vision about what type of relationship you need. The key is finding the right partner, someone who can make you complete.

Many of you I am guessing are not really open to any type of training, your not really interested in being trained. You just need a Dominant figure in your life. Someone who is just going to take control, and lead.

The truth is everything will just fall into place. Everything will just seem so easy, and if continued the transition will be very smooth, and it is something you will not even really notice.

You can meet a new Dominant, which is what you all want. He may say he has 5, 10 or 15 years experience when in fact he has just read 50 shades of grey. This is not always a bad thing if the Dominant has the right intentions, and he to is looking for a long term relationship. Most Dominants who are new and have never had a submissive will never admit that , while I can understand those thoughts it is not really fair to you the submissive.

He will also state that he will train you, but once you have agreed to enter the relationship training never takes place, mainly because he does not have a clue, and you do not say anything because things are moving smoothly.

The only time you should be concerned is when he says lets start your training while he is unzipping his pants.If he tries to give you rules on the first meeting, some rules are okay, if they really benefit you, such as a new bedtime, or maybe a change in diet, but nothing should be sexual at this stage of the game.

If you benefit from just having that Dominant figure in your life with no rules, or task, even protocols then so be it, but you have to make sure your needs are being met, on all levels, and you should never settle for anything less.

The most important thing in your relationship is making sure your needs are met. If your needs are being met,then you are in the right place. If they are not you have the right to question. You have the right to know why you are giving so much and not getting back in return. You have the right to know what steps are going to be taking to make things right, and a time line.

You cannot give and give and get nothing in return, it does not work that way for you and if you allow it to it will not work for long.

You should always come first no matter what, that should never be negotiated.


focused Stay Focused, and learn everything will just fall into place.


Awesome Interview With A Dominant

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, bdsm, commitment, communication, Daddy Dom, Daddy Doms, Dominance, Dominants, Dominants Protocol, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , on August 17, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I really love doing these interviews , it gives us a different prospective of someones life in our so called dark world.

I love talking to married couples about their life and their personal journey, and what steps they took entering the lifestyle. Last week was a Daddy Dominant and a Baby Girl who had been married 17 years how awesome is that? There are not very many Daddy Doms and Baby girls who have rules and protocols. Although since being on wordpress I have met a few.

Then comes this awesome interview with someone who has become a friend. I have a feeling we will meet in the near future, hoping anyway.

This couple is married, and they have taking the journey into the world of BDSM, and are now living a D’s relationship..

What makes this interview so awesome is Tom goes into great detail about how they were able to open the door, the people they have met and the fakes as well.

Yes my favorite Protocols and some rules as well as a few rituals.

Check out his webpage here ……

Hmm is that correct? Anyway its there..


Hey Vile- 
So here it is interlaced with your original email… Let me know what you think?
I think by others reading how other people live and sharing their thoughts it may give someone some valuable information.
Master Vile- I appreciate the opportunity of being able to contribute to your blog, and even more that someone might have a takeaway which will help their journey and understand a bit more about this lifestyle.
(1) When did you first becomes interested in the lifestyle , and what degree did you want to take it ? 
I never really knew it by definition until Mynx became entrenched in reading about it. It was the FSOG craze which piqued her interest, but she quickly learned of the lack of reality and substance when compared to the real Dominant and submissive “in real life” meanings. 
After quizzing her about what she was reading, I decided to read a story which Mynx had just finished by Kallypso Masters, I cannot remember which one. It was at that moment, that my vision became clear regarding the definition of dominant. A true dominant is a leader, and one who is respected for his (or her) decisions by their respective submissive person(s). The understanding of the definition of “Dominant” stopped me in my tracks. Mynx wanted it, I wasn’t sure how to give it in the way that she wanted, and so I read even more. That’s where I learned about safewords, abuse, domineering, a new way to love.and so much more.
So Mynx and I have had bedroom kink since our early dating, pre-engagement years, but never really gave it much thought beyond bedroom kinkiness. So like Mynx, I began reading, researching, discovering what it was behind the door of this thing called D/s. I was a Dominant person, people naturally followed and listened. The introspection helped me see that people really were looking to me for help in decisions and how to proceed. Frankly, the reality and gravity of it all scared the shit out of me. It drove me to learn more and made me look at Mynx with a whole new perspective. As much as I was a Dominant person, she was submissive, not by day, but more-so by night. In all of her daylight hours, she is a natural leader and always has been since coming out of her teenage shell. She has excelled at every position she’s ever held.
Revelations in hand, I then read a book called “Different Loving” which further changed my perspective of her submission, and, my dominance. At the same time, I couldn’t get enough information from submissive blogs; I was a junkie, a lurker, I had to know and understand more of the submissive mindset and thought process. In these travels, I have discovered that I am not afraid to take what is mine, mine is what she offers; herself.  
Sapiosexuality. (sā-pē-ō-sĕk-shü-ăl’ĭ-tē) I am captivated by the allure of poking someone’s brain through wittiness instead of plain sex. It’s a crazy high that I get from a conversation full of innuendos or “a good yarn” as much as it is having sex. I’ve learned that I get the same endorphin rush out of both. Steering that conversation just as a Dom steers a scene is amazingly incredible. It’s the wittiness of the banter which stimulates thought process and drives my desire for more. I find the same desire and wittiness in my Mynx, it just one of many of her endearing qualities.
Do I want more? Does Mynx want more? Yes, and yes. But it is about balance. In our present state of relationship given our children who play a major part of our life, put us presently at maximum capacity. 24/7 D/s in a household which includes children of any age if they’re living at home becomes challenging. The suggestive creativity of innuendos is how we survive until we find ourselves alone in some way.
(2) You had mentioned in an email that some people were not honest, what did you mean by that statement ?
Trust or honesty, in any relationship, is one of the most important facets of it. Without it, you cannot evolve in the relationship. Mynx and I are, on blog, an open book. Truly. We live, love and breathe this stuff. Sure, we stub our toe everyone once in a while; neither of us are perfect.
“In real life” has grown to mean so much more to Mynx and I, especially since we stopped lurking and started blogging. As part of our mutual quest of understanding, we have pursued a few relationships outside of bloglandia where some people know our real names, our faces and how we live and what we do.These relationships are like gold to Mynx and I. They have helped us evolve, kept us in check, and, in some cases, have been an offline sounding board for challenges or questions. 
One such couple we came to know IRL turned out to be very different than their blog would indicate. We had gotten to know them, first through email, then phone, then in person. The relationship ended when we discovered the differences between their blog and the “IRL couple.” The lesson; research and know who you’re speaking with. 
For us, we were temporarily paralyzed with fear of meeting anyone else because of the facade which everyone lives behind in bloglandia. It was Mynx who took another chance with Little BoPeep. As anyone who follows our blog knows, the two of them are inseparable now. Yes, they’re different, and yet they’re so much alike. They thrive off of one another. Their interaction and conversation are constant, yet they do not live together. They are sisters but not by birth. I need BoPeep in Mynx’s life for all of the same reasons you have articulated on your blog about miss Arianna needing another in your home. They thrive when they open up to each other about things which subbies and women need to discuss. I believe it is more about the “sub-port” they give one another than anything, but it’s also about a deeper discovery of who they both are, individually and together, which allows for the magic to occur. 
Without complete openness, honesty and trust, none of it could ever happened.
(3) I assume you keep your lifestyle private, do you have friends who share the same interest ?
We try to keep to ourselves. There are a few people we have built trust with, and with the exception of one couple outside of bloglandia, all of the friends we talk and correspond with were made through our blog. The thing is, with these select few, we do trust, heavily. We have gotten there through communication and openness, and mostly by not judging. 
Everyone is different, their personality, their likes/dislikes, their kinks, how they speak, what they’re passionate about, etc… We have our kinks and on some levels we share common ground with others and their kinks. The major point is, even if their kinks are bizarre (as long as they don’t involve animals or underage people) we’ll talk, and listen. That’s how you learn. If you don’t engage, talk, listen- you’re one of the vanilla people looking in and passing judgment about topics which you may not fully comprehend or understand. Open up your mind and explore it’s darkest depths, admit you find something socially unacceptable -intriguing- and see where your mind takes you. In the end, might discover a whole new set of people with common interests, and could end up as friends.
(4) Being a Dominant what is it you get out of your relationship ?
Mynx and I have always been kinky in the bedroom, from the very first time we were intimate really. I wish I could turn back the hands of time to then and know about the D/s lifestyle. Sexually speaking, I get great pleasure out of Mynx’s pleasure. I love bringing her to the point of her losing all control. I love bringing her to the point where she loses all touch with reality, then embracing her trembling body while her soul returns to it. It’s really that simple. Sure, I may cum 2 or 3 or 4 times during a scene or sometimes not at all. It really depends on how it fits. 
As my submissive, she is mine to pleasure, tease, torment, repeat… anytime I wish. She thrives on it. I thrive on it. Are we endorphin addicts? Maybe. Could I go without, yes, sometimes not by choice. My job takes me away anywhere from a day to a couple of weeks at a time. As of late, it’s been 2-4 days at a time. And the worst is that sometimes my communication rhythm is interrupted because of the job commitment. We all know the drill- do more with less, right? 
For this reason, our version of D/s requires Mynx to have some degree of independence and independent thinking. I’ve already said that she’s an amazing leader by day with her job, and, I cannot and will not interfere with that. As much as she thrives on the structure of submission, she also has become an even better leader at work since beginning our D/s lifestyle. I believe she needs the release of responsibility which directly feeds her submissive nature. This affords her the ability to confidently give up control to me after work, knowing that I have her’s and my family’s best interest at heart. 
She trusts me to do that for her. In return, I expose her most submissive side and it drives my Dominant side even harder; we feed off of each other in this way. It is our version of “The Power Exchange” or TPE. Yes, I changed it to fit us, and what we do. I know TPE really has meant “Total Power Exchange” but I need your readers to take an eraser to that line for a minute. Our version of TPE I believe is the reality which many people really can edge their D/s into. Mynx cannot disclose this part of her life because of her job, nor can I. Also true is the fact that I cannot micro-manage her day-to-day activities, nor hold her to a time clock regimen. Neither she nor I desire that, it doesn’t fit who were are today. Perhaps in the future? Maybe. 
(5) Being with your partner I am going to assume you were both married for sometime, before taking that first step. Who’s idea was it to take that first step ? 
Conceptually, it was all Mynx. As I said, she had been reading, and if you know her, you’d agree that reading isn’t something she usually does, but now she was inseparable from her iPad. I came in the door from work and she said, “Hi, I hope your day was good, but whatever it was, it’s about to get better, look at this…” and she produced an excerpt from one of the books about a couple engaged in kinky fuckery. Admittedly, it was a hot scene. Mynx looked at me and said, “We already do most of that, we just didn’t know it had a name besides kinky sex.” 
My research took me in many directions- I was a like the kid in a candy store with a hundred dollar bill. There was so much to learn about and understand. Protocols and rules fascinated me. The very dichotomy of Dominance and submission explained all that I had been feeling since I can remember seeing the very first Penthouse centerfold in Dad’s night stand at around 12 or 13. 
But it was Mynx’s reading discovery helped me by defining who and what I am, and who and what she is. I probably would have survived without knowing, but I am sooo appreciative to Mynx for helping introduce us both and understand the dynamics of the D/s lifestyle and the role which BDSM plays in our desires. 
(6) Do you consider yourself to be a Strictly Bedroom Dom, or has it moved to a 24/7 relationship?
Bedroom Dom, no. Well, our relationship in D/s began that way, in the bedroom. And truthfully, D/s at first validated or justified both mine and Mynx’s desire for kink. If I look at all of what led up to our conversations about D/s, I would say that we’ve really always had it both in and out of the bedroom, we just never really formalized it until D/s. I think you’ll get me on this point Vile- you just know when you have the one you’re most compatible with. It’s not perfect, nothing on this planet is. But our D/s is perfect for us. I believe challenges arise with some couples moving into Bedroom D/s and then transforming into 24/7 because they compare themselves to others and begin to think of the imperfections they encounter as the standard instead of being honest and true to who they are. 
If today I am, by my standards a Dom or sub or doctor or janitor, but tomorrow I choose to be better than I was today, then I have made a positive change. It’s the same with D/s. By making a conscious effort to learn more about this style of life, it becomes better, and then fantastic. That’s me living up to my own standards then exceeding them, and not comparing myself to someone else. But when I see someone else doing “X” and I compare myself to them, I am setting myself up for failure every time, and it’s very difficult to recover from this false comparison. When it comes to Mynx and I, we look at what others do, how they do it, test it and see if it fits into our version of D/s. 
Officially transferring out of the bedroom wasn’t too difficult for us. We embraced a couple of key concepts; we can’t always be D/s when vanilla-ville people are about, and, we can’t be too flamboyant in front of our children. The kids also have structure and respect, and when the respect is broken, we talk about it, mistakes are forgiven, defiance brings consequences. D/s isn’t very different, is it? D/s is chock full of truth, trust, honesty and integrity too. How can you have D/s without it?
Mynx and I operate similarly, especially when it comes to D/s safety. If you practice Shibari, have your scissors handy. Anything can and has gone wrong for even the best Shibari Masters. Those scissors could save a life, and no, you shouldn’t run with scissors, LOL. Did I need to say that last part? After a scene, after the aftercare, Mynx and I discuss it, what she liked, what I liked, what we want more of, what she’ll tolerate, what I’ll push her to expand her horizons on. She needs it as much as I do. The same is true outside of the bedroom. She makes a lot of decisions without me, but when she happens into uncharted waters, she asks herself, “What would Sir have me do?” She thinks it through and 99.9% of the time, the outcome meets her expectations and mine. She’s my treasure.
We couldn’t have gotten here without me testing her though Vile, the details are there in the post ( She and I talked about formalizing  our D/s outside of the bedroom for a while but I wasn’t convinced. Suffice to say, I thought she was part of the fad crowd of BDSMer’s and she wasn’t serious. When we first started talking about 24/7 outside of the bedroom, I was reluctant and said no at first, but then we talked it through. I left it alone for a few weeks while we spent some long weekends together, then surprised her with the test detailed in my post. I’ll say this- she passed with flying colors. Is she perfect? Nope and neither am I. And we both know that to make D/s work we need to be honest with ourselves and not compare our D/s with anyone else’s because each relationship is different.
(7) Do you have any rules or protocols in place. if so was it your idea to implement the rules?
Protocols. Each night before we crawl under the covers, Mynx will retrieve her “Master’s Design” cuffs I rewarded her with, cross the bed in her very seductive way, kneel before me, and ask, “Sir? May I please wear your cuffs?” and then says, “Sir? May I please enter your bed?” Both of these are more about her regrounding her submission more than stroking an ego. These protocols help keep her in a submissive mindset. I enjoy it because of the smile which comes over her as she approaches. It pleases me, and therefore I know pleases her. 
Before a scene, her task is to prepare the room to my request. She’ll then clean herself inside and out, shaving in all of the right places, then kneel on her pillow, stretched out, eyes down, palms up. I’ll ask her to wear my cuffs and collar, praise her for the excellent submissive she is, then bestow my pleasures upon her. All of this always begins with asking her for her safe words as a reminder of my love for her through her safety. Don’t get me wrong, she’s taken some serious heat from my hands, flogger, paddle, bamboo cane, etc… but when she’s had enough and cannot be pushed another second, I’ll know the signs and slow things down before she calls it. Those in wanna-be, one-night D/s relationships can never know their sub-miss well enough to stop before inflicting harm. In the past year, Mynx has safe worded twice and both times it was more from pure exhaustion than lack of tolerance. 
Rules. We have very few rules. I like to know where she is and what her plans are. She doesn’t have to, but she wants to make me aware. What do I want for dinner? She asks because she loves to serve and please. Respect. I open car doors and front doors, I pull out her chair and typically order for her. A running joke when we’re out to eat is when she says, “May I straw you, Sir?” So the story goes, we looked at each other one day and said, huh, we don’t have many rules or protocols, let’s google that… One D/s couple made a big deal out her “strawing him” and that it was a major infraction if she didn’t. Seriously? Okay, I won’t judge, but seriously, THERE ARE more important things in life. 
We do have rules by structure and schedules, pretty much like anyone does, vanilla or otherwise. Things happen with schedules and they can change. Altering plans may need to happen from time to time. We talk about them as a means of respect for each other. But the rules, such as what her bedtime is, can be changed by permission only. If she’s not followed the rule, we discuss it. I will not punish her for a mistake. A mistake on her part means that I have somehow led her into it by missing the mark on explaining or helping her understand my expectations. 
Conversely, defiance or deliberately breaking a rule is disrespectful to me and prompts a conversation about respect which then becomes hyper-focused on the rule. I do not mix BDSM and punishment. The two are mutually exclusive. BDSM is for pleasure. Punishment is not. So, for example, if Mynx misses the mark on bedtime, then she might loose the privilege of wearing her cuffs to bed. If she jumps out of the car on her own, she’ll loose the privilege of me opening her door for her the rest of the day. Those are more memorable and a better reprimand than I can ever dole out through a paddle.  
Dominant’s or Master’s who take the time to know and understand their sub’s and slave’s will reap tremendous rewards which cannot be found in one-nighters. You speak of it often Vile, and I hope that the submissive’s and slave’s craving the dominance don’t sell themselves short by giving up of themselves too early to their Dom or Master. The true reward in D/s M/s is waiting until you know each other sufficiently, including exploration of each other’s bodies well before pain is inflicted. Everything else usually ends in drama and tears because the sub-miss feels taken advantage of or betrayed.
(8) Last what advice would you give to couples who are thinking about taking that step into a D’s lifestyle…
I would say that D/s or M/s relationships are ones of trust and relaxation in the sense that each is comfortable in their roles. But you cannot begin to be comfortable until you’ve sat down and learned from each other what you want. This conversation must be entered into without judgement; your partner needs to bare their soul to you and you to them so that each has as thorough an understanding of the other as possible. Can anyone go buy a flogger and beat the shit out of somebody else and call it BDSM or D/s? Sure. But it won’t last long unless the two come to know and trust each other on unprecedented levels. After a few months they may in fact look at each other ask what the hell they’re doing, and so it will pass, they’re done. Those truly vested in this lifestyle won’t let or allow that to happen.
If you’re gonna embark on this journey, know something about it. Research, know about the anatomy of your partner by taking time to explore them without toys or kink. Learn them, know and appreciate the little things which please them, not just what makes them cum. The orgasms will follow when your partner knows how much you’re into them. 
Think about your partner as an extension of you- whether in the bedroom, the kitchen or in public; their behavior is a direct reflection upon you. Notice I purposefully didn’t use Dom or slave or Master or sub? It’s because you reflect who you’ve trusted and how you honor them by making them the center of your universe, in any role. Learn and research what you don’t know; For example, just don’t start flogging for the sake of the motion- you could seriously hurt someone without a thorough understanding of where those blows shouldn’t land. Mostly, live and love passionately, like you seriously mean it. You’ll find your very existence depends on it! Thanks for the opportunity to share and keep vigilant in raising awareness Vile.
-Tom Wolf (Mynx’s Sir) 
As always think you. You may add anything you feel you need to.. Hope to hear from you soon…