Archive for Humiliation

Abuse Is Alive And Well

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Mentor, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Being A Dominant is 24/7 365, Cheaters, Cheating Dominant, Choices, communication, compatibility, consequences, Dominance Through Intimidation, exploiting your slave, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master and slave relationship, relationships, Slave, Submissive, Submissive being used with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

MAsT:Kissimmee

 

May 19th

 

Meeting

A small group of 9 attended the 19th meeting and the topic was abuse. Even though I lead the MAsT, Masters and Slaves Together. http://www.mast.net , if you are not familiar with MAsT check out the site.

Abuse many understood how abuse can happen in a D’s or M’s relationship some were still unsure.

Girl- L  who is an awesome friend helped facilitate the meeting and she came loaded with awesome information. I myself like to let different people facilitate MAsT meetings because it make someone feel a part of. We also get different point of views which is truly needed.

The meeting is held at our home , meeting in this type of environment allows people to speak freely with out prying ears. It allows people to relax and let go where as they would not in a public setting.

We also spoke about how abuse is just not about men but there are women who abuse as well , mainly through manipulation or known better Topping from the Bottom. Most of the time this only occurs if the Dominant is not experienced or very new to the lifestyle…

Many times the abuse can be stopped prior to entering a relationship with the right education and asking the right questions. The problem today is many are to impatient and do not care about taking the proper steps. Being active in the community is a huge step forward , making friends as well. I have a handful of people I actually consider my friend. However being active does not always solve all problems because there is a dick or a bitch at every corner. The thing is it does not matter what others think about you or how you should be living your life, that is unless they are going to pay your bills..

One thing about the BDSM lifestyle is everybody is right and no one is wrong , everyone has the right answer and everyone is wrong. No one knows what they are talking about, even on Fetlife everyone is wrong. The one thing i noticed is all the people giving advice about how your life should go are single more so Doms. So yes taking advice from someone who has never been a D’s relationship is the way to go..

Abuse when it comes to the lifestyle is a huge gray area and it can be a touchy subject for some.

I know I have been approached by Doms in the community asking me if I thought I was to strict on Arianna. I suppose this is the difference between a Master and a Dominant, a Submissive and a Slave, having rules and protocols or just letting your girl run wild, and having no consequences for their actions.

I run a very smooth home, I am strict and firm, but I do so without arguing , screaming, calling names or even getting physical. I have rules in place and they are followed, I have protocols and they are followed.

I am not a 9 to 5 Dominant , I am not a weekend warrior , I am not a once every now and then Dominant , I am 24/7 and no less. I take full responsibility for not only my relationship but I admit when a mistake is made. One thing Arianna comes first and always will , I will drop what ever I am doing if needed. A Submissive or Slave should have 24/7 access to their Dominant or Master and no less, there are no excuses.

Okay ive been ranting a little and if you follow me you know by know I get off the subject at times.

One thing that really irks me is when mental abuse comes into play. When a slave or submissive is suffering from depressions, maybe being bipolar , manic and the newly found Dom does not see the signs or maybe he just does not give a fuck. Having any or all of these symptoms can put unneeded stress on someone and cause more damage.

Many times everything is in the open but many times who ever suffers from such a  disease will not be upfront about their illness. Many are ashamed but more are scared of failing a new relationship.

I myself cannot even imagine how someone who is bipolar , come close to even knowing what their thought process is, or even how one makes it through a normal day , much less how someone would handle being tied down and beaten, or used sexually. I would not even want to comprehend the thought process, or how scared or confused someone might be.

On the other hand there are some aspects of the lifestyle in which someone could benefit from a D’s or M’s home , if it was based on more of a structured setting , where rules and protocols were put in place to be beneficial. Understanding ones limits and not trying to push that explore button.  Insuring they are on medication and on the proper medication.

Just to let you know I am not talking out of my ass I am speaking from experience. I am living in such a relationship. The beginning  was a rough start but 3 years later I am and we are blessed. I suppose the setting would be different if love did not play a part , I suppose it would be different if you were just being used as a fuck toy….

The above can only be accomplished if you truly know someone and you care enough to put any effort into building a lasting relationship.

Some of the most common situations when it comes to abuse starts out with isolation. Separating you from friends and family. Making you turn over passwords to all of your accounts. Emails , social media , not allowing you to speak with other Doms, and the most severe is your banking information.

These tactics are used by Doms who are insecure or new to the lifestyle. Many have anger issues and use fear in order to obtain your submission, verbal and eventually it will turn physical.

Being new it will take some time to catch on before you will see the abuse or something pay hit you , thinking Hmmm there is something here that is not right. You feel like you have no one to turn to, after all you have turned your back on all of your friends, but even then how would you explain such a relationship?

Female abuse happens often and this is done through manipulation, and it happens with a Dom who lacks experience. However there are times when ones judgement can be blurred by letting feeling get in the way of a D’s or M’s relationship.

I have written about this subject many many times and at times I get this fuck it attitude because the truth is maybe one out of a hundred even takes notice.

The signs are clear first is isolation from friends and family , making you give all passwords to your email and social  media and email. Constantly putting you down calling you names and telling you , you area  worthless bitch. At times taking your banking information.

The fist date is either a Denny’s or a motel and your training starts off with you sucking cock. You get to see your new Dom maybe once a month if your lucky, or maybe more often to suck cock. The first date is the only date you are seen in public with him, unless your dumb enough to invite a total stranger to your house.

When you ask a question or question the way the relationship is going you get yelled at.

You the s;ave the submissive should have 24/7 access to your Dominant no questions asked. If you text you should get an answer , but most of the time it is days not minutes.

Most of the time you know something is wrong but you have it in your head he is the one, there is no one else who can fill his shoes , or should I say diapers.

You know I am not so sure it is abuse at times , I think it is more on the side of the Dom not knowing what they are doing. Many do not understand the amount of time it takes to develop a new D’s or M’s relationship, or most may not want to invest the time it takes, or some may not even consider the needs the submissive may have. Many see the relationship more as a maid service or just a sex toy but it runs much much deeper than just a piece of ass.

Ive had many new Dominants tell me they want to talk and spend time with me, and after I agree I hear nothing else from them.

There are those who are just male chauvinist pigs who see a bdsm relationship as a open door to abuse and just use and toss away until they have that need again.

After 3 years I am still finding it takes a great deal of time and communication.. I get to a point to where I have to alter things such as protocols or rules , I may have to add or take away. Both of us sit down and go over the rules to see if they still apply or maybe make some changes, maybe head in a new direction.

Only you the submissive knows what you need and you need to have a plan and know exactly what you need out of a relationship. Because a mistake made more than once is a decision , and everything falls on you if you allow yourself to continue to be unhappy or used…

What kind of Dom are you looking for ? What type of submissive are you ? Are you a slave? If so a Daddy Dom would not fit your needs. Are you a Masochist ? Then a Daddy Dom is not going to work.

You need to know who you are and what you need before you can begin your search.  Just because a Dom contacts you does not mean he is the one for you…

Last you need someone you can talk to , someone who understands you or at least tries, you need to have an outlet when something is not going well….

Again a Mistake made more than one is a decision..

There are those who crave to be used for what ever reason , those who continue to fall into the same trap, and just sit around wondering what has gone wrong or blaming others.. life is based on two things and only two choices and consequences .

Then I have to rag on the married Doms who are married and they cheat on their vanilla wives who know nothing about the other side of their husband. The wives who believe they have built the perfect home. Let me tell you something a man has what he has because of his partner , be it a vanilla wife a submissive or slave she built the kingdom.

He will talk about how bad she is and how he plans to leave her, she is a bitch and does not understand him, there is no communication , she takes no interest in his likes or hobbies. She is a total bitch.

If she was really so bad he would of left long ago. However maybe if this so called Dom had communication skills and really tried his wife who built his kingdom might be open to a little kink.

Instead he finds someone like you, who will take his bullshit , who will take his verbal abuse, and physical abuse. Someone who will take his humiliation, someone who wants to control you but he is controlling not in control. Someone who takes it up the ass because his wife will not…

Your a piece of ass and you will lose every time. You would cost him to much money if he left not to mention if there are kids involved… He is not going to leave the security he has the security his wife has built. You will do just fine until you become to needy and you will and he will dump you because you have become a liability.

While I was married to a vanilla for 9 years I never stepped out on her. I was in the lifestyle prior to meeting her but I was trying to change who I was. I wanted the house, the cars, the kids and the dog. My first month I knew I had made a bad mistake. Remember the choices and consequences ?

After 9 years I came clean about who I was and what I needed. I lost a house on the beach , two cars and a lot of money. I left with 1500 dollars in cash a canvas  bag full of clothes dirty and clean, and a beat up Yamaha 750.

My philosophy is if your not happy get the fuck out.. There is no reason to drag someone through the mud more so over something I did. I lied to her , I mislead her, I was someone I was not, and I made a fool out of her. I can say for the past 9 years I have paid child support every week and I have never missed a payment working or not..

You do not have to let someone drag you through the mud and in the end it will be your fault…

 

 

 

 

Giving Up Control

Posted in Arianna, Bad Reltionships, bdsm, BDSM 24/7, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, commitment, communication, Consistency, consistent, Dominants, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Manipulation, Married Dominant, Master and slave relationship, Part Time Dominant, Protocols, slave, Structure, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, Total Submission, TPE, viledesires62@aol.com with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 9, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

My favorite new question is , What Are You Going To Do With Your One And Only Life.

 

Giving up control is a huge step, it is a step that should be given much thought , and the one deciding factor is how much control do you want to relinquish.

Once you have decided everything it is time to look for the right Dominant. Dominants come in many different flavors. Some are gentle and not so strict, some are very strict. Some enjoy inflicting pain while others do not, some punish while others do not and yes some even lie and I am going to give a very good example….

Giving up control is no easy task, the one thing you have to look at when speaking with a new Dominant is if your going to be able to comply with his demands, his rules and so on. This is not a decision that should be made at the time you are talking about everything, this is something you should mull over……

When talking to the new Dom you need to know what questions to ask, is he a 24/7 Dominant , or is he just a bedroom Dominant ? Is he just into the pain side of things ? Questions are important because if you do not ask you could find yourself in a bad situation.

Training your Baby Girl your submissive or your slave is actually a form of behavior Modification , I have spoken about this before. Changing ones thought process, habits, dress, talk, walk everything. When I was younger I did not really understand the process , nor did I care I found it to be much more work than I was willing to take part in.

It is possible for a D’s relationship to just fall into place with no formal training at all… You have to find your own fit, your own kink, your needs.

My check list , we all need a check list when we are looking for a partner in the lifestyle, I have spoken about this before. Once you put it on paper it should be LAW.

I did however change my stance on the type of relationship I was willing to enter, but as far as my needs I did not bend.  Arianna explained she needed a Micromanaged relationship, someone who could keep her in check, keep things flowing in the right direction.

Living a D’s or M’s lifestyle is different for each, the definition is different, I get it. Everyone should be happy and be in that place, that comfort zone , the feeling of security.

I am far from insecure but I do need that feeling of security, I need that closeness , the communication, and yes the control. I want to control my world and my surroundings. I keep everything in check.

My list I showed when meeting prospective slaves was not really that long, but to some it was not attainable. When explaining my list if the word NO or I cant came up , it was simple the conversation was over , I refused to bend because if I did I knew down the road I would not be happy..

There were things I was looking for in a slave, there were specific things I was looking for. It really had nothing to do with looks , it had nothing to do with what kind of job they had. It was the person , the personality ,  how sincere they were about the lifestyle , how sincere they felt about who they wanted to be and needed to be. With me personality plays a huge role , if we can talk to each other and not at each other then we are good. How serious they were about their training , how entering a relationship would benefit us both ?

Giving up control is something that happens over time, the more you communicate , spending a great deal of time together, taking the time to learn about each other outside of BDSM . As a submissive the closer you get the more control you are naturally going to give, and this will happen without thought..

The only factor that really comes into play is you giving up control to someone who has your best interest in mind. Someone who is going to dedicate the time to spend with you.

Submission is not a game , to some Dominants submission is a game such as the part time Dominants I spoke about on my last post, the weekend warrior, the married Dom cheating on his wife. It should not be fair when you the submissive are the only one taking part in such a journey.

The game is using you, humiliating you , hurting you physically and mentally , ignoring your needs without a care , and you sit there alone wondering what you did wrong. Your relationship is based on you sucking cock , sending videos, and pictures so the so called Dom can get their rocks off.

I was reading in a forum not long ago about Red Flags, how many red flags do you allow when you first meet a new Dominant? I was surprised at the answers , some were 2 some were3 even up to 5 flags before ending the relationship. My thinking is any type of flag , be it something not adding up or you catch someone in a lie. If someone lies to you once they will do it again.  A flag is a flag.

Another Scenario that takes place , prior to entering a relationship you think everything is flowing in the right direction.. Then you find once you have committed yourself things begin to change. Things are not what they were , now it seems you are in more of a vanilla relationship than a D’s or M’s. and when you question , you get well I am in a slump or everything will be okay.

As you read in the Part Time Dominant , being a Dominant requires a great deal of work, it requires one to be consistent , in control, insuring rules and protocols are being followed.

What do you want to do with your one and only Life ? How long do you wait for the relationship you were promised ? How long do you go along with the communication break down ? How long do you endure the abuse in a relationship? Your scared because that is how you were made to feel, your insecure because that is how you were made to feel, your not good enough for anyone else , because that is how you were made to feel.

train

Vile

 

 

 

 

Are You Consenting Or Are You Just Agreeing ?

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, choices and consequences, communication, Consensual, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, consequences, control, Daddy Dom, Dominant, Dominants, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, masochist, Master, Master And Slave, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 25, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

The words Consent and non-consent has been coming up a lot in the past month or so. Our lifestyle is probably the only Lifestyle where we need to talk about Consent, the do’s and the Dont’s . What can be done what cannot be done and what we are open to, and what is off limits.

When we are talking to someone be it a Dominant or a submissive , one of the topics that seem to come up early on is what are your limits? The limits question was something I stayed away from until I knew we could make it as friends. Because if we had nothing outside of the lifestyle in common why would I want to enter a relationship if the only thing we had was sex. Kink and sex only last so long, and all your doing at that time is filling a missing void.

So the common off limits are, no blood , no children, no scat maybe no golden showers , the list can go on and on. The thing is what ever limit you have you need to stand by it.

Many times when meeting someone we tend to get caught up in the moment , this is the one, he or she has to be the one, they know what they are talking about. That is not always the case. More often you are being told what you want to hear, your being told something that is so far from the truth but you buy into the words and not the knowledge. Once you figure  things out it is to late because your already caught up in the relationship. Once you agree to something it is almost impossible to retract what you said or what you agreed to..

I am not into Humiliation, and the Dom will say we you don’t really know because you have not been trained.  Or I do not do anal sex, well no one has done it right I can make it feel good. Everything is about consent it is about coming to an agreement and hoping to have the chance to enter a long lasting relationship.

If your not into pain , or you don’t like being face fucked speak up, because if you do not , you are just agreeing and your not consenting. This falls under how much freedom your willing to give up, the rules your going to follow. Are you Monogamous ? Are you Poly ? These are all consensual questions.

Poly is a huge thing if you are looking for a one on one relationship, many times these types of relationships you are kept apart and never see each other. I had thought about poly at one time, but reality hit me, why not just find one who fulfills are of my needs rolled up into one. I am not saying Poly is bad its just not for everyone, so if you agree to a poly relationship and your not poly you are just agreeing and not consenting if that makes any sense..

Arianna and I had talked about having a closed Triad with another female, and being Bi was not a criteria. Bringing someone into our home, and when I explained to others it was not for me but would be a sister for Arianna some thought I was crazy, but it was not because I needed more flavor that is far from the case I get anything I want when I want and how I want it without question.

We communicated about the process and what would have to take place, it was 100% consensual. As far as a 3rd it did not work out but it is what it is no biggy..

The Bottom line is if you agreed to something but your not all in 100% then that is on you. Theoretically if I just wanted to bring someone in, I have that right because our relationship is consensual , non-consent  but at the same time I have to worry about Arianna and what the effects would be.

Believe me there is someone for everyone in our world , there is someone who will fit your needs. If you are agreeing in fear of not having a relationship your doomed from the start, it will never last, if you agree just because your in fear of the relationship not working your training will mean nothing just as earning your collar.

As I said in my last post , what do you want to do with your one life ? How much of your time do you want to waste on something that is not going to work? How much pain do you want to endure if your not a Masochist ?

It is not your Dom or your Master who will have to adapt it is you, so there should be a lot of thinking, we all make choices we just have to see if the consequences out weigh the choices.

viledesire62@aol.com

50 shades

 

Vile

 

 

 

Training And Online Dominants

Posted in 24/7, Anal Training, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Online Relationships, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, Long Distance Relationships LDR, Manipulation, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, slave, submissive, Training And Online Dominants with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 26, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I use to perv the internet a lot, as a matter of fact back in the day, yahoo had one of the best profile search engines on the net. You could go to profiles and just type in a word of interest. Submissive , Slave , Slut , Whore, and one of my favorites Humiliation. Aol had something close to yahoo but yahoo was the place to hunt pussy.

I would pour a big ass glass of Tea , crack my knuckles and go to work.  You could search all over the world, by state , county and city. It was just a total fuck search, maybe that is why yahoo shut it down…

Your looking to enter the lifestyle and your looking for a Dominant, today the first place to look is your PC or Laptop. It is easy a cup of coffee and Google.

Online training is noneffective and has no meaning. Most online Dominants are married and spend spare time when the wifey is not home sitting behind his computer jacking off.

It does not take long until the submissive finds out they are being used. Rules are just sexual self pleasure acts, sending pictures and lots of phone sex. Having you drive someplace in public and Masturbating, or told not to wear panties out in public.

The first thing your told to do is keep a journal, a journal the dominant will never read. A journal of your daily activity’s which to you have very little meaning because there was no explanation on why you should keep such a thing…

The self punishment for not sending nude pics on time, or taking to long to respond to a text…. Self punishment , spanking your pussy until you cry while on the phone with your dominant, clothespins on pussy lips or nipples for long periods of time.
Then you end up spending money you do not have on toys, dildo’s and vibrators , nipple clamps , ohhh and butt plug for anal training.

While the Dominant does have control , that control is very short lived, 30 , 60 maybe 90 days and at times a little longer or until that deep loneliness kicks in..

I have done all of the above. I have used and manipulated , and I have shared pictures with friends that were sent to me. I have told stories how some bitch double fucked herself with two bottles.

I can say Ive never sat in front of my computer and jacked off, I mean its okay but nothing like the real thing…

The Dominant thinks he is in charge but in reality he is just barking orders that have no meaning, and your gullible to follow them until you figure out he is just an ass..

I am not going to say that all online training is not effective because at times , and there are some online relationships that do work and last for years.
Those relationships are those where the dominant has put a plan in place, and works on getting you to him, or him to you. Then again this can fail as well. If you are not the one painting the picture, you never see the finished product until you get to your new home.. Someone can paint a pretty picture and fill your mind with what you need, but you need to know all and have proof before you decide to move 1500 miles..

Over the past ten years or so I have gone through some Major changes. Changes in what type of relationship I wanted, what I wanted in the future, and most important how I saw myself living in a M’s relationship…

Online Dominants are just that, very few have ever had a D’s Or M’s relationship, and chances are they never will… These are men or women who cannot control their own life much less others.

The Topping from the Bottom I spoke about this topic last week, it can be fun , or it can be the death of a relationship.. Someone had contacted me not long ago while I was talking about BDSM and depression. I truly believe a Dominant who suffers from depression , he has no business trying to enter a D’s relationship. Someone who suffers from depression even on medication can only handle so much…

If you are a submissive who is trying to convince a man who suffers from depression you are doing more damage than good, and yes you are Topping from the bottom..

Many online Dominants have anger issues, many use humiliation as a way to control, they feed off of your problems they feed off of your self pity, and your low self esteem. Kinda like a Leech , until you have no blood left , nothing left to give and your left out in the dark alone…

The reason online training cannot work in the long term is because a D’s or M;s relationship is so personal. The Intimacy is so deep , the eye to eye contact, the communication, and last but not least the physical contact.

Many have tried and tried and tried with the results being the same, making the same mistakes thinking the next will be different…

You the submissive has to set ground rules. I email you answer, I ask a direct question, I want a direct answer. I text you I want a text back, I call you answer, providing your not at work. Those are not unrealistic demands.

Vile

How Deep Is Your Submission

Posted in abuse, Acceptance, anal sex, anticipation, Arianna, ass fucking, Bad Dominant, Bad Reltionships, bdsm, BDSM Rules, BDSM Safety, BDSM Structure, Building a BDSM Relationshp, Cheaters, cheating, Cheating Dominant, cock sucking, commitment, communication, compatibility, Consensual, consequences, control, controlling, Dominant, Dominants, FaceBook Vile Woods, Forced Submission, fucking, Humiliation, kinky, Lies, Manic, Married Dominant, Master & Slave, Security, Self Pity, slave, slave no limits, Slave no rights, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, Total Submission, Training Arianna, Training your submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 22, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I was sitting on the couch the other day and I was looking at Arianna. I was thinking how fast time has flown by , but what I was really thinking is how lucky I am to have found the perfect Slave , partner and wife.
I cannot say I built our home I have to say both of us built our home. It takes two to build a relationship and it takes two to work together so it can continue to grow.
So for me to sit here and say Look at what I did , would be a false statement. I may of laid down the grown work but without Arianna it would not of been possible.

I am always very cautious of those who use the words I or me on a regular basis. Most who do spend a great deal of time bragging, about what they have done or accomplished.

I am a firm believer we write our own ticket , we decide where and when we are going to go. We are responsible for our decisions, we are responsible for our right and wrongs. It is us to sets the pace in our life and what happens. Now there are times a wrench gets thrown in and we have to back up a little, but staying true in what you believe and do unto others as you would do to them, hmmm did that come out right ?

Although there are not very many people I like , I treat everyone with respect. If I don’t like you I have nothing to do with you. I am not going to get wrapped up in others drama or problems , I have my own house to take care of.

Drama will eat you up from the inside out like a cancer. Drama can destroy your home , drama can and will destroy your relationship no matter who brings it in through the door. It is not fair to bog someone else down with problems. This does mean you do not listen or help a friend in need , but there has to be a limit. Once it becomes a problem or a burden to you , then it is time to cut the rope unless you want to go down with the ship.

Submission is a beautiful thing , It puts you in a peaceful state of mind , the feeling of freedom , the freedom of being who and what you are, and you only have one to answer to. Your Dominant is the only one in your life you have to answer to, well excluding work but you know what I am talking about.

Just like meeting a New Dominant , and being asked about your limits. Well if your new to the life style you really have no idea. Being in a secure relationship with communication allows you to explore that side of you. Maybe you had limits in place, which is normal but as you grow those limits will slowly fade.

On Fetlife I love reading post when a guy says, I am looking for a bitch with no limits. What he is looking for is someone he can abuse and degrade and feel okay about it.
Early last year I was chatting with a Dominant who was mad because his slave left him because she would not fuck who ever he wanted her to. It was his right to make her lay down for who ever. The bad news is she came back , I am guessing maybe a codependent thing , maybe the feeling of being secure.
Can you really love someone if you just pass them around to just anyone ? Your going to fuck and suck who ever I say, where I say and how I say. Can that really be love?

There are those who share , there are those who explore but that is generally worked out between the couple, and there is nothing wrong with that. I myself am not the sharing type, well with a male anyway , a female would be different , but only if Arianna brought it up and she has a few times. Then you have to think about what your going to catch. It is not like it was in the 70’s when you could go get a shot.

You plant the seed , you water it , you fertilize it and it will grow. The same with your relationship. In a relationship your fertilizer is communication , and honesty. This allows the both of you to grow together..

All the kinks , the bondage , the cock sucking , the ass fucking , even to some the humiliation , the control , the submission. All of this comes as you grow , the more communication you have the more you will want to try or do, the more you will want to please the one who is in control.

In a steady long term relationship the submissive , or slave has the need to please and gets pleasure out of pleasing or know they are pleasing the one they are with.

Submission is not something you can demand , respect is not something you can demand. You will call me Sir , you will call me master. Really have you earned that much respect? I just met you why would I call you Sir? Maybe because it makes your ego swell. Maybe it fuels the Dominant inside you. Maybe you should earn that right.

Calling someone Sir or Mam is a lot different when your doing it out of respect than it is when being demanded.

I like the game , playing the game of earning someones respect , then one I am trying to form a relationship with. I like the challenge , I like the finding out how , when and where. I wait for that one word Sir. Then I know without a doubt I have been on the right track. Once you have earned that respect you have a wide open road.

When I met Arianna , I was truthful from the start about who I was and what I needed out of a relationship. I explained everything is such detail she had no questions. I am like that about anything I explain to her. Before I speak I look at every possible question that could be asked , even before Her Training started I explained everything is such detail she had no questions about anything , she just followed.

Following was her greatest down fall because she is one to trust to easy , she thinks other she had seen had her best interest in mind, just as many of you trust to easy. Under the wrong hands it can turn into a bad situation.

Rescuing and submission is not a good combination. You never as a Dominant want to be put in a situation where you are rescuing someone. Many times these are the ones who are wanting you to step in and clean up the mess they made. It is not that they cannot fix it , they just do not want to put in the time or resources it takes to fix.
Entering a relationship many do have some problems and some have problems they have no idea how to fix. If you feel you have a good chance in a long term relationship then it is okay to step in and handle a few things, just make sure your not on the Titanic with a bucket.

I told Arianna , I want you to be able to anticipate my every need. I want you to know when I need something. This was confusing to her at the start of our relationship. She asked me how am I suppose to learn all that , it seems your setting me up for failure?
Watch me and listen , that was the first 90 days of her initial training , and I can tell you the first 90 days was not a very easy task. Training is not made to be easy.
She watched and she listened and to this day she is on top of things. She is because it is a need for her. Her knowing she is pleasing me fuels her submission.

Knowing when someone needs down time is very important , knowing when someone has had enough and they just need time to let their mind go. This is something huge I believe in. Allowing Arianna down time , to see family and friends, taking her shopping. This place a huge role in supporting her.
You know at times Arianna gets somewhat Manic , that is her I accept her for who she is, but there are times you have to let the manic run its course , because slamming the breaks on something could do more harm than good, so I let out a little rope and if a mistake is made I fix it, not that there has ever been something drastic.
Knowing your partner means the world , knowing when to let a little rope out does more help than bad. Being there to pick things up , insures your partner you have their back.

Male insecurities , the two words that start almost everything argument , is what’s wrong ? These two words do more damage than anything , because it is not asked just once or twice especially is the answer is nothing. Then if the answer is nothing there has to be something wrong, so that question is just hammered until something is made up. This all comes back to the down time. Sometimes we just need to vegetate , think , let our mind go and just chill.

Who are you seeing? Are you cheating? Are you talking to anyone else? This means one or two things , the Dom you are seeing is very insecure which is not a good quality when it comes to a Dominant or he is the cheater. 99% of the time the accuser is the one who is stepping out , so then you need to ask him those same questions..

A Dominant who demands your passwords to all of your accounts that is a security problem as well as an ego problem, not to mention a lack of trust.
It cracks me up when these married fuck tards who are cheating on their wife does not trust their submissive. They cant be trusted but they cant trust the other one they are with. How fucking stupid is that? Fuck Tard was a nice word by the way.

We all choose our own path , you just need to make sure you are traveling down the right path , and you need to know your partner has your back..

Confused

Vile

Depression And BDSM

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, A Submissive's Home, abuse, Acceptance, anal sex, anger, Anger Issues, Argue, Arianna, ass fucking, bdsm, Bipolar, codependent, Commit, commitment, communication, compatibility, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, Depressed, Depression, Dominant, Dominants, Dominants who suffer from depression, Master, slave, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

You know I have been down and out in my life. I have hit rock bottom and crawled back up dusted myself off and hit the trail , not really worrying about where I was going , but making sure I did not repeat the same mistakes.
By the grace of who ever I have never been homeless, I have always managed to stay a float.

I remember i was 13 I am guessing , and when I woke up a bright light was shinning in my eyes. It was the police , and my parents had been in a huge fight , a fight that got pretty physical.
So my brother and I were taking to a foster home and we were there for about a week before being allowed to go home.

This was not something that was unusual , as a matter of fact it happened pretty often.

Although I was popular in school , some of the kids started talking about me because I had been wearing the same pair of pants for half of the year. I knew something had to be done.

We had a small restaurant across the street so I went and talked to the owner about washing dishes.
At 13 I worked from 3.30 pm until roughly 10pm on the weekends 11pm. Yup I was making 2.35 an hour.
The funny thing was it took almost a month for my parents to even know I was missing at night, and once they found out they wanted a cut.
Yea I am thinking not. I did however pay the power bill to get the lights turned back on, we had gone most of the winter without heat or hot water.

So in about two months my closet was full again, jeans , shirts dingo boots , yea I was pretty well set.

At the age of 15 I went to work at the local cotton mill, and I went from 2.35 an hour to 4.25 union wages ha ha ha.
On top of that I still continued to go to school and I made 170 bucks a week , and I had a plan it was just putting everything into place.
At the cotton mill I ran a huge denim sewing machine, it was about 15 feet wide and as long and when it was threaded it had 800 single threads making one huge white sheet of denim before being dyed. It was a total bitch if a thread popped.

At 15 I knew I was changing I had started dating and this is when the rough sex came into play.
I had read most of the smut books my dad had bought from local truck stops and they are all pretty violent. Girls gagging on 14 inch cocks being fucked up the ass, just all about humiliation. Okay so I thought we this must be the norm although I did not have a 14 inch cock.
As you guess I did not date to much, my pickens were far and few between, well I had Beverly but so did everyone else then a girl named shannon. I had a different level of respect for her so she was treated different than Beverly.

Then I turned 17 and a Army recruiter came to out high school one day and I was in.
My plan was coming together , I made the appointment took all the test , brought home the paper work and after dinner one night I told my parents I had to take summer school and I had some forms they had to sign to approve it.
Bam 2 signatures and I was ready to go. I was now in the United States Army.

The 14th of October I turned 17 , while upstairs packing my dad walked in and asked me what I was doing.

I said you know , its been nice , well not really but I am out of here, I just cannot live like you two do any longer. So it is time for me to say goodbye I hope things get better.
The shit hit the fan, well it to late you and mom already signed the paper work I am leaving today and Ill be at Fort Dix New Jersey tomorrow.
If you take one step towards me it will be the first time in your life a 17 year old beat your ass , now back the fuck off.

Well at the hotel downtown Atlanta I was told I was put on hold because I was 4 pounds under weight, fucking go figure. So for three days the army stuffed me with food.
Then on my way via train , and I had no idea what I was about to walk into.

I had started smoking pot around the age of 15 , that is before the scales got fucked up in the mid 80’s. I was living the dream , well what I thought was the dream. I tried to smoke all the weed in the world but I could never catch up.
The kicker was I managed to work and go to school. Although I knew a lot of people I had very few friends , that was mainly due to not trusting anyone.
You can learn so much from just watching and listening to your parents. It made me wonder why two people who seemed to hate each other so much would stay married.

I started people watching as a teen and I would just observe , and listen , wondering if their home life was as fucked up as mine. Little did I know this would help me read people.

Once out of the Army that is where my life really started to get out of control.
I was still smoking pot , my drinking was out of control and I was taking pills. You could hand me anything and I would take. I did not care what it was , I just wanted to get high.

My first job out of the Army was making parachutes for sky diving teams. The pay was awesome but my work ethics were not. That job was short lived. Missing work and the quality of my production.

The next year I jumper from minimum wage job to minimum wage job , trying to make ends meet.
Fired once again and now nearly homeless because I knew no one , I decided to head to Florida.

1989 I loaded my 1967 cougar GT and headed to Florida. Once in a hotel reading the local paper a job caught my eye. Maintenance engineer wanted industrial laundry , hmm now that sounds interesting.
So I spent the next few days putting my fake resume together. Instead of Air Defense in the Army , I was now an electrical Engineer who had worked at power plants.
I went to the interview, got the job and I gave a starting date of about three weeks later.

I spent the next three weeks getting cleaned up. I stopped drinking , no more pills , and no more weed dammit.
Standing on the beach at sunrise I came to the conclusion there has to come a time when you have to grow up. I was no longer 17 and I wanted more, and I knew there was more out of life than just getting fucked up.

A week into my new job the head engineer called me in the office , as I sat down he said you little lying fucker. All I could do is just sit there.
He looked at my resume and asked me if there was anything on the paper that was true, and my reply was my name and address.
I was thinking well here it comes but he said look I like you and I am going to keep you on but you will have to show you want to stay here and learn.
Three years later I was transferred to collegedale Tennessee as the head engineer of a industrial laundry facility. The only bad part was the facility sat right on a seventh day Adventist college. How fucked up can that be ?

I had never had so much pussy in my life , I was banging someone different every week.
Then came the day I was called in the office and I was questioned about my sexual activity which was really none of their business well besides being employees.

So shortly after I left and back to florida Back to daytona, still working for the same company but moved into a tracker trailer position, yup they sent me to truck driving school.

It did not take me long to realize I was against any type of manual labor, and my driving career was very short lived.

News paper add read Call Center Manager for major financial institution, hmm interesting. This meant new resume and a better one.

Us Army Director of Communications Ft Ord California , who were they going to call The base had been shut down, so I moved right into my office with about 350 employes under me. By this time the internet was alive and I spent hours researching my newly found job and spent the next 5 years there until the closing of the center.

The moral of the story above you can do anything. Just as Sir Richard Branson said , if your asked if you can do something , you always say yes then you learn how to do it.

Now on to Depression. I am not a medical Doctor nor am I am shrink , although I do believe many Dominants would make better shrinks. One thing we do well and very well is listen.

We not only listen we communicate very well , be it with our partner or out in the general public. As Dominants we tend to be in control more , not only with our emotions but our thoughts our anger, our surroundings.

We tend to be more in control , we love structure we love putting plans together. We love challenges, we love our minds being put through the test. I myself I crave solving problems, but like most Dominants we solve problems before they become a problem.
Putting something off becomes a problem so we or I handle things before hand.
I love being told I cant do something, I love being told something is impossible to do.

As Dominants we provide a stable environment, as Dominants we provide stability. As Dominants we provide structure, As Dominants we provide Love and communication. As Dominants we provide rules that will help structure ones life so our property may grow and continue to grow. As a Dominant we provide positive reinforcement. As a Dominant we provide advice and we solve problems.

Our role is just not in the bedroom, our role is not just about kink, our role is just not about punishing.
Our role as a Dominant is to lead and we have to earn enough respect so you will want to follow.

The CDC says An Estimated 1 in 10 U.S. Adults Report Depression.
I myself believe that number is probably twice if not three times higher,
the one in ten are those that are reported. I am sure there are many more that do not go report and people just live with suffering on a daily basis..

Okay so this is where some controversy is going to come into play and I am not trying to offend anyone here, and again this is just my opinion and I am basing my opinion on about 22 or 23 years in the lifestyle.

There are many who are submissive and slave who suffer from depression and other medical issues such as bi-polar , anxiety , it goes on and on, and most are on medications.
I did not say every submissive or slave so do not go putting words in my mouth, I said there are many.

The above is looking for everything I described above , the structure , security , the freedom of open communication , stability you get the picture.

If your Dominant suffers from any of the illnesses I mentioned , you are doing more harm to him than good. He has enough on his shoulders keeping his life straight without having to keep someone else in check.

As a Master who is Married to my Slave I now have two to look out for not just one. I make all of the decisions so what ever I decide effects both of us not just me.

A Dominant has to have the ability to think clear and be able to stay on a level emotional playing field.
Many Dominants who suffer from depression have a very low self esteem as with the novice Dominant I spoke about the other day.

The blog was I wish I was A Better Dominant.

Now if your in the relationship just for the kink, the sex and being spanked hey have at it, but a Dominant who suffers from depression can in noway provide a stable home with structure.

I have never at one time stated, Oh I wish I could be a better Dominant , I wish I was who you need. Those words have never come out of my mouth and they never will.

Adding that type of pressure to someone who has such an illness , is setting someone up for failure.

I am held accountable for my actions and I will admit my wrong doings. EH when and if it ever happens.
I am not cocky , I am no arrogant , I am not stuck on myself , I am confident.

If your looking to enter a D’s or M’s relationship and your looking for a Dominant that is one of the first questions you need to ask.
Do you suffer from any type of depression ? Do you have anger Issues ? Do you have drug or alcohol issues ?

If you the submissive or slave feels uncomfortable asking any of the above then you are not ready for a relationship.

If you suffer from any form of depression and your Dominant suffers from depression , how does that work ?

Those who do suffer from depression or even bi-polar you are not broken you just need a Dominant who has true patience. You need someone who is willing to dedicate enough time to allow you to grow.
You need someone who is going to understand your ups and downs. You need someone who is there to communicate with you , but knows when you need space.
Your in need of guidance and compassion , someone who understands you. More so someone who understands your limits, the train of thought pushing you over that edge.

Arianna had a break down right after we had met , but I knew if I invested time and I stuck with her through her bad times in the end it would pay off and today I am standing on top of the world.
I found Arianna a new doctor , a full change of meds and I go to her appointments with her and I speak up because I know she will not.

I have a very structured home, and to date we have not had an argument and that is due to our communication.

You need to change your game , before we would give someone three strikes and I see three strikes as being to many chances.

If you let someone run over you once they will do it again and again. If you let someone abuse you be it physical , mental or verbal they will do it again and again and again.

The new Dominant should be asking questions as well, your health , mental and physical. He should want to know everything about you inside and out.

In many cases sucking cock comes up first, do you take it up the ass ? Are you Bi ? Then you know your best interest is not in mind.

Depression effect people in different ways , but you all get those highs and lows, understanding you makes a huge difference.

You should want not only the world but everything on it.

You can be happy with depression in any relationship if you are in caring hands.

world2

Vile

I wish I Was A Better Dominant

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, anger, Anger Issues, Bad Dominant, Bad Reltionships, bdsm, cock sucking, codependent, Commit, commitment, communication, compatibility, consequences, control, Daddy Dom, Dominance, Dominant, Dominants, emotional, Master, slave, Structure, Submission, submissive, The Novice Dominant, The World Of BDSM, Train your slave with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 27, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I am sure many of you have heard these words or similar. I wish I was a better Daddy , I wish I was a better Master , or Dominant.

These words come from a novice who has bitten off more than he can chew. He has stepped out of the frying pan into the fire.

A middle aged man waking up one morning after finding ALT.com or some other BDSM site, now he wants to step into that relationship really knowing nothing about the lifestyle. He now wants to control someone , impose rules , look for reasons to punish, yell and bark orders , make demands you are not sure you can do , or possibly get into trouble.
He now wants to isolate you, keep you from family and friends.

The novice has been in the lifestyle now for 10 years or this is what he is telling you. He has trained many , and the relationship has failed because they lied to him, they were not real , they were fakes.

Your needy and he is greedy sounds familiar yes? He takes and takes and you give and give, but you get nothing in return.

A novice a week into the lifestyle is not the Grand Master of Masters , the Lord the Grand Pooba.

On your knees bitch suck your Masters cock, I will train you just keep sucking. I own you, and you have only known each other for a couple of hours.

This is the Dominant you can tell nothing because he knows everything. This is the Dominant when the relationship falls apart it is your fault , you did it, you were not true , how dare you lie about your submission.

You know a couple of months ago I tried giving someone advice and he laughed at me.
He then sent me a friend request on Facebook , so I excepted. A month went by and nothing not a word so I then deleted him.
Then out of the blue I get a Message saying let me know when you can talk, as in making some kind demand , like he was making time for me. He is now blocked.

The novice is like a leach it will suck the blood out of you until you pick it off and throw it away.

I am far from perfect , I have and would never claim I know all. What I know has taking me years to learn not months or weeks but years.

He wants his cock sucked but the minute you become needy or he finds out your codependent he wants no part of you.
You need to grow up , your acting childish , I am not going to put up with your games , that is right your now a game , and in the end the break up is your fault and your fault only.

If the Dominant cannot control his own life , his own problems , his own drama , how in the fuck is he going to help or control you. If his life is a complete fucking mess , you have to think what can he bring to the table to help me ?

The novice Dominant will lose their temper at the drop of a hat. You are now the stupid bitch , your a cunt , your making his life so fucking miserable. He cannot train you because your a fake your not real. He will scream and scream then he will come crawling back with his tail between his legs begging you to take him back.

I wish I was a better Dominant , I wish I was a better Master or Daddy , these are the words of a novice and a idiot. He has stepped into someones shoes and they do not fit.

You the submissive in the end are the one in charge , you are running the relationship and you are faking your submission.

All you have to do is think.

fight

Vile