Archive for Meeting a New Dominant

My Interview Process

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Advice, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, commitment, communication with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I will get back with you.

Before meeting Arianna I had a much different process , a process where I took steps to insure I was meeting someone who was somewhat compatible.

After the MAsT meeting last week another Dominant and I were standing outside talking about how we felt the lifestyle was changing. Today BDSM is only known for its kink , sex and pain nothing more.

To most in the lifestyle it is just a game , I am not saying there is anything wrong with that but do not show up at a function and tell me I do not know what I am talking about or what I am doing is wrong…..

Then he proceeded to speak about Arianna how lucky I was , and how it was like she fell from the sky right into my lap. Shortly after another Dom came out and all three of us were talking and the Dom who had just walked out also started talking about how much disrespect was going on within our lifestyle.

One of his slaves had attended a function and was approached by another Dom in the leather community and she was instructed she would come to his home and cook a dinner for him and his guess on a certain date. What makes things sad is he knew she was owned but had no respect for her owner.  She did not respond to the other Dom which made him upset .

Just the lack of respect and he had zero protocols and he sits on a board. He is suppose to be a leader, someone who gives advice, and speaks at public engagements..  To make matters worse he knows she is owned.

Okay my process , before we moved into anything that had to do with BDSM I wanted and needed to know you. I carried a note book with me with a list of questions and this was something we both took part in.

I love eye contact , when you first meet someone the eyes tell a story , just as a hug or kiss. The eyes show the truth and they show a lie and they also show hesitation, or even if you are unsure , so eye contact was very important to me.

Taking out my little handy note book , I would write . Who are you ? I would then pass the note book to you and you would answer the question , putting it on paper that is…..

The second question . Why are you here ?  What makes you think you are a slave ? What medical problems do you have and what medications are you on ?

Have you been in an M’s relationship before? What are you looking for in a M’s relationship ? What is your temperament like? Do you drink or do any kind of drugs ? Have you ever been arrested and if yes what for ? Then on to foods and music , vacations , what you do in your free time.

Now your thinking that sounds really stupid , in fact it is crazy or it is to much work right ?

When you put something on paper and your looking at what your writing it makes you think, and many times putting it on paper is much easier than speaking and answering questions.

I am also getting to know you as a person. Now if you noticed I did not mention anything about BDSM , or I did not ask about your cock sucking skills or if you swallow or not. Do you take it up the ass ?. If you did answer no to those two questions if I did ask the conversation would be over. FYI.

I have not met any Dominants in the past who uses the same plan I had in place but it works. It really lets the Dominant get to know a future partner.

At the end of dinner I would thank them for coming , and I would say. Ill get back with you.

I then went home and I read everything so I could analyzed what was shared and maybe see if we would click. If I saw something there I would call and set up another date. If not I would call and tell them thank you but I do not believe we are a fit.

It depends on what you want out of a relationship….



Are You A Submissive Push Over ? You Have Rights You Know

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Collar, Collared Slave, Collars, Commit, commitment, communication, Respect, Rules, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 6, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

You know it seems many who are new to the lifestyle are really gullible, because you believe anything your told, and without asking questions you just follow knowing something is not right.

I have talked about this before, when your first meeting a new Dominant or maybe a Daddy Dom.

You have to ask questions, and you have to know what questions to ask. Going into a relationship you already have some knowledge about what your role in the lifestyle you would like to take part in.
You have been reading, or maybe you have talked to others, so you have an idea what your role would be. You cannot let someone tell you what they think your role is.

Your a Slave, and you can be convinced you are, your a baby girl and you can be giving a few reasons and you will believe it. Only you truly knows who you are.

You also have to ask questions when you first meet, but there is a little known trick called Dominance through intimidation and most fall for it every time.

You will call me Sir, there will be no eye contact. You will wear a skirt with no panties.
You know coming from a Dominant those are really pretty stupid request, and have very little to do with D’s. None of the above have anything to do with submission when your first meeting someone.

One you have both agreed to enter a relationship, the no eye contact thing can be used as a training tool, but the subject of training is a whole new story..

Intimidation is an evil tool, and those who use it use it well. Your made to feel lost, your made to feel confused, and in some cases worthless, but the good thing is he is there to help you, and you feel so relieved.

The truth is you are told what is wrong with you, and what the Dom is doing is planting that little seed.

I have gone over this before, you need to write questions down so you don’t forget
Are you married ? If yes and he says I am but my wife knows and says it is alright, okay fine lets call her. After all if it is really okay he will not mind.
What you do not understand is you can get hurt, and worse you can get killed, do not think a wife is just going to let you walk in and take what she has built after putting up with all his bullshit.

How long have you been in the lifestyle ? Can I meet some of your friends ? How many D’s relationships have you been in and what happened ? When the Dom starts putting the blame on all of the subs you know something is wrong.

Where do you live ? Where do you work ? Can I come and visit ?

At this point and time no rules should be giving out because he does not really know you. I have said time and time again rules are meant to improve, your taking bad habits and making good ones..

You need to find out what his protocols are, you may or may not want to follow all.
You need to find out what is expected of you.
You need to find out if he is poly or will he remain loyal. Because if he says no but later on he wants to have a threesome you have the right to say no.

When I first met Arianna, it was almost 2 months before she started calling me Sir. I had to earn her respect. As a Dominant I could not demand her respect, I had to earn it.

Are you active in the local community? 99% of all Doms are active it is a need. We need to be able to communicate with like minded people. So for a Dom to say I have been in the lifestyle for 5 years or 10 years and not know anyone, yea hes pulling your leg.

I myself need that interaction with others in the lifestyle, I need to be able to communicate with others, and at times I need advice.

One bad sign to watch out for, is when he begins to isolate you from others. He will not want your family to know about him, he will decide which friends you can have and who you cannot have.

Another sign is wanting all of your passwords, that is a true sign of being insecure. It does not matter if your submissive or a slave you still need some form of privacy.

If you go into a relationship prepared things will be a lot easier. This will eliminate any problems and drama.

You also need to know what you expect out of your Dom. You need to know he is going to be willing to dedicate the time you need. You need to know if your going to call he will answer, or text. Today it is so easy to stay in contact. Even today I receive about 50 text or so from Arianna on a daily basis, and I answer each and everyone.

If something is not going as you think it should you have the right to question. If you do not agree with something you have the right to say no.
If your safe word is not respected you have the right to end the relationship.

The collar, is the most symbolic piece of jewelry in the lifestyle. The collar is suppose to have meaning, but most of all the collar is suppose to be earned.

If you meet a Dominant and he tries to collar you on the first meeting, you need to get up and walk out. Remember Domination through intimidation ?

The collar is earned, by completing task on a daily basis, following rules on a daily basis, protocols on a daily basis, and how well you are adapting to the training process.

If a Dom says he can train you in 30 days he is full of shit, it cannot be done. It took me almost 6 months to even get where I thought we should be, and I would call myself an experienced Dominant, and almost two years later I am still making adjustments, adding and taking away where I set fit.

Taking that first step is a huge one and you need to be sure this is really what you are seeking.

I myself have neglected asking questions here not to long ago. As many know Arianna and I had been looking to add a third to our home, and I failed to ask the right questions, only to find out I was being played, I had already made the mistake introducing Arianna to the subs as well, and it turned out they were just playing games and had no real intentions of perusing a relationship.

So its just not the submissive that needs to ask questions it is up to the dominant to ask all the right questions as well.

Be safe, think smart.
Training does not start with sucking cock.



Finding The Right Dominant

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, bdsm, consequences, Dominants, Dominants Protocol, Fake Dominants, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , , , on June 22, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

You stand two men side by side Both say they are Dominants but one is not, how do you tell the real from the fake? One says he has been in the lifestyle for 15 years , while the other has just been trolling in chat rooms, how do you tell the difference ? The one who has been trolling the chat rooms will probably be able to tell you more of what you want to hear, while the other can show you.

You open a bag and it is full of straw, but your told to find a needle but you cant touch it, it has to be visual. That would be nearly impossible. The truth though in life nothing is impossible. The fact is we write our own destiny, we are the cause of our own problems. We may not have full control of the outcome , but we are able to control more than 98%, the other 2% is the ohhhh shit really that just happened.  We are the root of our problems just by the decisions we make, and at times we make bad decisions and we know it, but your willing to roll the dice in hopes of hitting sevens. We make mistakes hoping it is not a mistake, we make mistakes knowing we should not go ahead with the plan. When you just say fuck it, 99% of the time your world will come crashing down, and either you will just walk away and hope for some type of miracle it will clean its self up or someone will be there with you to clean up your mess.

I have said this many times the best way to me a prospective Dominant is through your local community. Not just one munch, not just one MasT, not just one Fet con, it will take sometime, but less time than it will with you sitting behind your laptop or on your phone. Beyond Leather a huge huge venue thousands of people from all walks of life. Most munchs have between 15 to 50 people on any giving get together, and some may not go every month. The last MasT Arianna and I had gone to was some 6 months do mainly to my work. I was emailed and invited to speak, give my thoughts on a M’s relationship. is the most out of hand site on the net today, with following a very close second. The problem with dating sites like this is most are the trollers I was speaking about. You can be anybody you want to be. I am Master Jock Strap Ive been a Master for 50 years, and ive had hundreds of worthless slaves who served me, are your worthy? Yea are you worthy of being the next victim .

I will meet you for dinner but there will be no eye contact, you will address me as Sir. I want you to wear the shortest skirt you have with no panties. The truth is none of that proves your submission, because you cant put high heels on your heart. Your heart is where your submission is. I know this, you know this but the dick your meeting has no clue.

The best way to meet your new Prospective Dominant is at a place in public, a nice place to eat. It is also best to go dutch and insist on going dutch so you don’t owe anyone anything.

We should get a Motel room so we can start your training, now just think about those words, is that how you visualized your training? I would hope not. Getting a room does not prove your submission, it proves your easy.  If I fuck you on the first meeting, you can wait until the polar icecaps are gone before you will get a call from me the next day or any day, not going to happen. Because if you fucked me 2 hours after meeting me, then many more has does the same thing. It goes the same with men now not just women. If the Dom is trying to get you into bed this soon, then he has does this hundreds of times.

A week or so ago there was a submissive who asked me to check out a potential  Dominant and I agreed , so I started reading his profile. The key words that stuck out were mental sadism. That stuff there is pretty deep a mind fuck plus. So I sent him an email asking him if he knew this submissive suffered from depression and had an anxiety  problem that at times got really out of control. Now this submissive lives 5000 miles away from me and I knew this, because I asked questions. This Dom knew nothing because he never wanted to get to know her that well. He would of at some point and time wanted to session. In fact if he had cared he would of asked questions. You can get hurt, you can get fucked up, and if someone is not asking you questions besides do you swallow or take it up the ass, where is the real interest?

The no eye contact that is pure ego. Now if you have agreed to allow training to go forward the no eye contact can be a good training tool. On your first meeting it just means he can lie to you and you wont know it.

You need to go in with a loaded gun well not a real gun but a plan, and you need to have questions, and you want answers, and you want truthful answers. Not one man or Dominant will leave a comment on why it is a must to have no eye contact on the first meeting.

Questions ahhh the first are you married you probably do not know this until now, or he may have been upfront with you from the start. How long have you been married? 5 years 10 years 15 years 20 years, but he is going to leave her.  How many kids do you have what are their ages?  Do you want to be responsible for breaking up her home? If she was really that bad he would be sitting with you as a divorced man but he is not ready to part with a ton of child support or alimony , lose the house a car, lose face with his family who loves their daughter in law

Are you active in the community, you may not think this is very important, but once you start a D’s relationship or an M’s you will want to know others. You will want to see how others live as well.

No I am not I am a private person, or my work I do not want to be seen at these type of places. You know a munch is just a group of people getting together having lunch or dinner. There is no huge sign that says BDSM get together.  MasT meetings are held in a private setting. If your at a beyond leather weekend and you run into your boss what are they doing there, even more so what are they going to say.  I myself need that interaction with other Dominants, I need to be able to talk to someone that I have a little in common with.

Do you have friends who are in the lifestyle ? I would like to meet them. Now anyone who claims to be in the lifestyle or be a Dominant for 10 years has to have friends. Watching 10 years of porn does not give him experience.

Where do you live? I would like to see your place. There is nothing wrong with that. Why would he not want to show you? Where do you work? How long have you been there? See the topic of sex has not even come up, because you are in control right now. If he gets flustered or angry with questions then that should be a flag. He may look at this as an interview but you need to have the same frame of mind.

Are you on any medication ? This is very important if you find a Dominant who suffers from depression or anxiety the flag should drop because with these comes anger problems. Thank you dinner was nice let me pay for my tab I have to be someplace, anyplace but here.

If your divorced or you have an ex are there any issues with them, many men are still at the beck and call of their ex. This is true, and why would you want to be dragged into their drama. His problems are not your problems. Because he is or has done something stupid does not mean you have to be part of it.

What type of relationship are you looking for? More of a D’s maybe an M’s ? Are you one on one or are you planning on adding another? Are you looking for monogamy or are you looking for poly, because if he says Monogamy then a month down the road you can call him on it. If you are not poly you need to make it clear you will not take part.

Getting a motel room is no way to start your training. How you suck cock , or how good your pussy is will come later. Right now the ball is in your court. If you think about it just like I stated above you hold the key to your destiny , You control the out come of what happens after the first date.

Ask clearly looking eye to eye what he expects out of you and the relationship? What does he hope to gain in having a submissive in his life? What are his protocols like? What are some of the house rules he has in place? Will I be allowed to see my friends? Will I be allowed to go out with them? My family comes first that is a must.

This is just the tip of the iceberg , I just wanted to give you an idea on how things should go, and what you should look out for.

You Don’t have to be a victim . You do not want to end up like this.