Archive for relationships

Married And Interested In BDSM

Posted in bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Couples New To BDSM, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, relationships, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , on August 21, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Stepping into the lifestyle and being a vanilla couple can be challenging but it can be obtained. I am not speaking of the Dom/sub bedroom only I am speaking of making a huge step into a total different world. The longer you are married the more difficult it will prove to be. The main reason is you already know each other inside and out. You will both need to do hours , days and months of research. Try your best to keep from speaking to others until you both think you have found your place. If you start trying to listening to others it can become confusing because everybody is different , and what works for one couple will not work for another.

Who will take on the Dominant role? Who will take on the Submissive role? Either way both have to decide just how much control one wants to give up and the other how much control one wants to take on.  Are you both looking at Dominant /Submissive , Master and Slave , Daddy/Baby girl who fits where and why?

This is when the time comes to sit down and just start talking crazy, all of those kinky thoughts you have had but you’ve been afraid to say anything in fear of what your partners thoughts might be. The best way is to write everything down a list 1 to 10 starting with the ones you are most interested in. As you bring each subject up talk about it and why you like it or may like it. This is when your fantasy’s come out but you have always been afraid to bring those up.

In my years I have found men are the ones who are most resistant to any kinky ideas and most do not want added responsibility. This is due to the wife cooking , cleaning house , laundry , grocery shopping , paying all the bills , and if you have kids taking care of them.

Some years ago I would only see married women , and there was no sex involved at all. Ranging anywhere from early 30’s to mid 60’s. What took place was bondage , some lite spanking , a lot of humiliation , oh did I mention head , I got a lot of head but according to congress here in the US , oral sex is not sex. You did not think I would take time out of my day and get nothing out of it did you? The bottom line is each Submissive I met had a couple of things in common. One a lack of communication. Two they women were afraid of bringing the topic up. Three when their kink was talked about they were told they were sick get over it.

Discussing what direction you both want to go and again just how far. Our lifestyle is so diverse , there is no end and we are all different. What some may call a D’s relationship others may call it just kink , or while others may call it extreme.

Allow mistakes to happen because they will , you will probably spend hours and hours talking about the progression and the mistakes. There is no need to get discouraged , the important thing is to learn from your mistakes. Allow growth and explore and take notes and talk about things you do not like or your not will to do , put limits in place.

Get out in the community , go to local events there will be a lot you can learn especially when it comes to play , rope but most important impact play, safety is very important.

It is a long road but can be very exciting and the growing never ends… A lot of couples talk but do not talk openly , a lot are not able to share their feelings or thoughts in fear of the reaction they will get.

Why do people cheat ? They cheat because there is something they are missing, and it can be something as simple as communication , a lack of attention , maybe the sex needs to be worked on. Most see see sex as a one way street. With men however the cheating has to do with sex. The wife wont give head or is against anal sex , or maybe just kink. This is why communication is so important. Most people think its easier to just walk away instead of fixing something.. All you have to do is pack up and start all over and most of the time you leave with less than what you started with.

You both may seem lost at times , you may see yourself struggling , but if you both stay vigilant your world will rock.

A good source for information

bestslavetraining.com

Vile

 

My Life ,My House

Posted in A Submissive's Home, anal sex, ass fucking, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Relationships, BDSM TPE Relationships, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Slave, Submission, sucking cock with tags , , , , , on June 4, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

 

 

Even I up until about 2 months ago had a Mentor, someone I could turn to if I did not have an answer. Animel passed away and I had no clue until I received a call from someone I knew not a friend just a acquaintance. I had known Animel for some 20 plus years and although I did not agree with everything he shared he was a book of knowledge. So here lately Ive kinda been out of it and it seems the smallest things get on my nerves. I do not get angry but I suppose the word would be irritated.  The other night I reached out to someone else and I knew immediately it was a mistake and I cut it off before I even got started. I reached out to a Master R and was told basically to go fuck myself but no hard feelings I just really needed to vent , venting Ive been doing for a couples of weeks and most everyone that knows me has seen the difference , the other half just think its me being me.

Calling Animel , he would answer and I would hear my phone rang and I looked at it and the caller ID said Dick Head. Then what the fuck do you want I don’t have all day ? The thing is I could talk and I knew it would not go anyplace. Sometimes I took his advice and at times I took a little of his and added a little of mine.

I am not into having cookouts with the smiths , I guess mainly we have absolutely nothing in common. I am not into sports or talking about other people. I am pretty much a loner until I get around like minded people.

Most people who meet me their first opinion is I am self centered , obnoxious , loud and rude , none caring , non empathetic, man I could go on and on but I wont. Arianna and I have talked about this very subject and she calls it confidence.

I get attached to some for what ever reason , its not like a love thing but more of a inner spiritual  connection on my part. Then and only then are you a true friend someone I would bend over backwards to help. This has only happened three times in my 54 years.

However there is a exception but there always is a exception. I enjoy helping people but I only help those who are trying to help themselves. I ask for nothing but in the back of my mind I am thinking if down the road I should need help those would step up to the plate.

I have been there , I was listening to a speech the other day and it was stated your life is a frame of mind. You can take someone who has lost everything and with the right state of mind they would bounce back full steam ahead.  If you expect someone to just open the door and fix your fuck ups then it will never happen.

Our community is very small compared to the over all population but today it is a dog eat dog world. Depending on who your speaking with most of the time I feel like picking up the phone and calling CNN.

I am a man who will drop everything at the drop of a hat if someone needs help , but as I have aged , Ive learned to only help those who are willing to help themselves.

I am a Drama free man , and I will not allow anyone to bring any drama to my home or my girls , this includes family. There are times when you have to cut ties even when someone is very close to you. Drama is a sickness , drama is a cancer and there are those who not only want it to spread but it is a need to them in order to survive.

BDSM today is more about the kink side of things , men wanting pussy and most subs or slaves trying to find that security and structure. You can play the game but if you do not know the rules you cannot win. BDSM has always been about kink but some try to hide that fact , but there are others who want to take a different path , there are those who are sincere about their Dominance or their submission.

So I use the word Mastery , the Master , the Dominant being able to put a solid plan into action and following through with good intentions. Mastery being able to enter someones head , someones train of thought. Getting in someones head is the easy part staying there is a total different story.

Mastery having the ability to stay consistent on a daily basis , being able to communicate, being able to listen , being able to maintain your control and anger.

I am against Domestic violence of any kind be it physical , verbal , or mental. Domestic Violence does not always mean a male there are women who are just as abusive.

Our relationship is 100% consensual , our relationship was negotiated prior to entering a relationship. We entered the relationship as master and slave. That brings back that state of mind. You have to need you can want but the need has to be there.

I like structure , I thrive on structure , I thrive on having a plan. Arianna and Lynns plans are planned a month in advance. Both have calendars , and the first of each month both start adding dates to doctors appointments and free time as well. Before making any type of request both come to me and ask , this is to make sure I do not have plans. My calendar is in my head.

I work from home and for the job I do and money I make I am paid very well. Arianna and Lynn work outside of the home.

My morning starts roughly around 4.10 am Arianna walks into the room after the coffee is made and wakes me , sometimes its not so easy but I do get up and the three of us sit and have coffee. Arianna has to be at work by 5.45am. I walk Arianna out to the car and when I enter the bedroom a fresh glass of ice water is waiting on me and Lynn heads off back to bed. Shortly after Arianna calls and we talk while she is driving to work. This has been the same for 4.5 years now. At 6am I lay back down and sleep until about 8am and I wake this is my down time so to speak but I know my day is just beginning. I go to the office and log into work around 10.45am go through my emails and stats. 11am I being and I work until 10pm. The good thing is I only work Saturday through Tuesday. 10pm I log off , then I relax until about 12am then I crash.

By Wednesday I am a wired fool , I am strung out and ready to go. I am one who jokes a lot and many times when I say something they will look to Arianna for the truth, or while talking they are waiting for the punch line. I am a true conservative with just at ouch of Democrat . I am not politically correct , I speak my mind but many times I will not give any type of opinion because the topic is not worth even getting involved. If it is something I truly believe in then I will speak up. I am not going to get all political on you I am just sharing my state of mind.

In order to have a M’s home run like a fine tuned machine you have to be able to take a look into the slaves mind , you have to stay one step ahead of the thoughts and emotions, yea it sounds like a lot of work but the fact is it is really pretty easy if you are willing to donate the time needed. Another factor is you have to care , you must want to see growth, you must be supportive during not just the good but the bad.

There was a post on fetlife in a group and Arianna asked permission to post a comment, I said yes of course. As we know fetlife is full of drama and those who are new to the lifestyle cringe at the thought of asking a question because all of the others who know everything pounces on the question like Piranhas. Arianna stays away from such childish antics.

The question was

Opinion: A Slave’s Compass

From time to time I am somewhat shocked when I read a answer Arianna has posted in a conversation or even reading her blog just after a fresh post at times I really scratch my head.

Arianna’s answer

VilesArianna:

I love the analogy. In my life, I find that when the focus is on my Master, other things seem less important. There’s a freedom in prioritizing ones life in one direction. There’s always an answer. I wear an engraved bracelet that states, WWMD, ( what would Master do?). This reminds me that my actions both public and private reflect my submission. Another bracelet is engraved, VKA, Vile knows all. This isn’t because he’s egotistical but because in my submission there are no secrets. My likes, needs, wants and desires, even thoughts are to be known to my Master. I strive to be complete in my submission. My submission is no longer mine to give but once accepted it became a need. The need to continue my commitment to Him.

It was easy for me to walk down the path of slavery. My Master portrayed confidence, intrigue, intelligence, and insightful questions. He challenged me to look past my own definitions and become His definition. So, His needs became my wants. His wants became my desires. His desires became my goals. It was an AHA moment when I released my own vision of what slavehood should look like and adopted His. That was hard because I wanted to give more and more. I trust that although I need to anticipate His needs that He will not allow me to continue once His own definition of Mastery is completed. In other words, I had to let go of my ambitious ways that were intruding into His ideal vision and release my own desires and adopt His even if the picture was different.

The compass is a great picture of ones truth. The stronger the bond, the deeper the connection, and the freedom in adopting another’s life as their own is a wonderful achievement in my own journey. For us, it works and each day I can look forward to having a focus in the turbulent seas of life because I have found my compass.

Thank you
~arianna

 

I did reblog her post from last night and again after reading it left me scratching my head causing me to think even deeper.

https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/

It will act like the link is broken from my phone anyway but just click on the title and everything will work fine.

If you the Dominant take the lifestyle and your relationship serious the world is yours no questions asked. If you truly love someone why would you not provide the time needed?

Everything in our relationship is based on my decision , its not to say I never ask for advice because I do and many times I take the advice giving , but in the end I have the final say.

Again everything is on my terms even when it comes to sex it is about me and only me at that time. I find it hard to use the words making love its hard to focus when I have these thoughts because I know at times it is needed but I am about taking what is mine. Once I start I hit every hole and at times more than once and Ill fuck until I cant fuck anymore. I love anal sex to me that is the most submissive act a slave or submissive can offer her most private part.

A submissive or slave not only wants but has the need to please , this is something that comes natural we as Dominants just have to file off the rough edges.. You put the work in that is needed and the rewards are far greater than you can imagine. What you have is a relationship that is consensual instead of intimidation and fear.

A relationship based on fear or intimidation is a one sided relationship and will be short lived.

If anyone has questions feel free to ask  it can be personal or maybe just advice , I am currently trying to figure out how to do some audio files..

Much Love to everyone who has stopped by….. I truly appreciate everyone.

 

Vile

My Life

Posted in bdsm, Submission, submissive with tags , , , on May 14, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

My next blog is going to take a different turn. I am going to share more about me , my life and our closed Triad.

My blog is mainly focused on abuse and what new submissive’s and slave should look for in a relationship. I am a huge advocate when it comes to abuse both men and women.

Although my blog is mainly about BDSM you can take parts of my philosophy and work it into a vanilla relationship or even a Domestic Discipline relationship..

Peace out , coming soon , and much Love to everyone. I truly appreciate those who visit..

 

The Slave

Posted in 24/7, Arianna, Bad Dominant, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Online Relationships, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, Being A Dominant is 24/7 365, blow job, cock sucking, codependency, codependent, commitment, communication, consequences, Dominant and Submissive, Ego, Face Fucking, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Humiliation, Humiliation Training, Kink, Low Self Esteem, masochist, Master And Slave, Online Dominants, owned property, Owned Slave, Poly Triad, Private Protocol, Punishment, self confidence, sex slave, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock, Total Submission with tags , , , , , , , , on April 9, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Sitting here listening to Bret Michael’s jamming with friends , and it fucking rocks. Music is a passion of mine , it is my release , it is my time to chill , gather my thoughts , enjoy my own little world.  Ted Nugent , KISS , Aerosmith , and some country at the top of my list Kid Rock. I love the cheesy kung fu movies that comes on Thursday nights. I am a huge news fanatic so if there is something you want to know just ask.

I am very laid back for the most , I have never raised my voice or lost my temper towards my property. This is not to say I am a push over because I am not , I speak my mind no matter where I am or who I am with.

I am a Buddhist , I have learned to channel my anger but as with any man or human there is a limit. At one time I had a very bad temper , I drank a lot , you could hand me a bunch of pills  and I would not even ask what they were I would just take them. I tried to smoke all the pot in the world but I failed. I would smoke and someone would just grow more. I was on a down hill spiral with not a care about tomorrow or the future.

A Dom who has a temper is not a Dom he is a abuser and nothing more. A man who hits a woman out of anger is a pussy because he will not hit anyone who will not fight back. A Dom who will not allow you to ask questions and want answers is not a Dom. A Dom who does not allow open communication is not a Dom…

However that road of destruction ended around November 1986. October and November I lost my first two jobs after my exit from the US Army. I went cold turkey I stopped everything at one time not looking back… I thought for sure I would of had some type of withdraws but that was not the case, however I did lose most of my friends or I assumed they were friends…

At this time I was living in a small town called canton Ga. It had changed a lot being gone for ten years. Most of the people I knew had moved or changed so much we no longer had anything in common…

My Dominance is a gift and I mean that. A gift means I am taking time out of my life and offering a gift. My gift I am setting my time and life to the side and offering you security , I am offering a sanctuary of peace no drama , no arguing . I am offering you respect , I am offering you me. I am offering you a open door 24/7 , I am offering you communication 24/7. I am offering you stability , I am offering you protection. I will allow you to grow and I will conform to your needs. I will take the time out of my life to train you to fit my needs. I will not take advantage of you , I will not mislead you , I will admit my mistakes. I will offer more than I take but most of all I will always put you first.

Wow! looking over the list and it could of continued I am sure with enough thought. I just wanted to crack the door open and let people take a peak inside.

Both dominance and submission is a gift both have much to offer and prove. I am of course speaking of the beginning steps in a new relationship.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master/slave_(BDSM)

In BDSM, Master/slave or M/s is a relationship in which one individual serves another in an authority-exchange structured relationship. Unlike Dominant/submissive structures found in BDSM in which love is often the core value, service and obedience are often the core values in Master/slave structures.

I am at a later date going to speak about our triad , we now live as three and while there could be some improvement things are really going well. My time training is limited due to my work but Arianna has stepped up to the plate and is offering guidance .

The Slave has a different mindset than a submissive. A submissive can and has the right to say NO. The submissive can impose limits on the relationship. The submissive can have the choice of when and when not to submit.

The word Slave , the word ownership , the word property. We all know owning a slave is not in any way legal but it is a mindset. The slave kneels holds her hands out and says I am yours to take and use.

You have to want it , you have to need and crave, it has to be in your blood. You have to live, dream and walk with this deep need and desire.

Arianna is a very unique Slave , during her training there was no rejection , there was no resistance, I could see in her eyes she had a hunger. To this day she continues to seek ways to submit more to give more. Everyday I grow with her everyday my respect grows. As my needs change Arianna conforms , but as she changes I conform to meet her needs.

Giving yourself without a thought having that feeling of being completely owned. Willing to be trained to fit someones needs and wants. Being used as a sexual object at the drop of a hat. You can be loved but in the end you are owned property.

Now I sit looking back over the years and thinking about the transformation , thinking about the growth. Watching someones habits change, watching needs change. More than willing to follow rules , protocols and understand there are consequences for her actions. To this day Arianna continues to search and find ways to submit more , she has that need, it is something she craves.

You the Slave must be in the right frame of mind and have a understanding what is about to take place. You must be willing to have over your mind and body and be willing to hand over complete control without question.

Are you Domestic more service orientated ? Are you just going to be used sexually ? Are you a Masochist used for pain? Or are you a mixture of all rolled into one?

You also must be giving a clear understanding what is expected of you , what your training will consist of , how long your training will be. You will want to know what the final goal is.

Trust is the main factor in building a Master / Slave relationship. The slave knowing once she or he agrees to the terms negotiated during the process.

You have to know most of your rights will be stripped away from you. You must know you and your body will be used , without warning. You will be taken when and how your Master chooses.

However and there is a however , you should still be allowed to see friends and family , a slave needs what I call down time. A time to relax and breath , to be able to clear the mind. A time to reflect on past and future.

We as Masters and Dominants take and we must give back more than we take. Probably two or three times a week I tell both Arianna and L that I really appreciate everything they both do. At time I do help out as well. On my days off I cook and at times I even jump in and do a few dishes.

A Slave is not your maid although the slave will be giving chores to do , A slave is not your mom. I pickup behind myself. If I use something I put it back. I do not demand dinner be done at a certain time, both know when I take lunch , If I am going to be late they eat before me.

Many just sit back and look for reasons to punish and my question is why? We can just sit back and find something wrong and the first thing that most grab is a belt or paddle.

Although I run a strict house punishing is something I do not look forward to, just as a parent feels bad for punishing a child.

We as humans , Masters and Dominants make mistakes maybe not on a daily basis but we do. Slaves and submissive’s make mistakes as well but nothing more could be more devastating known they have failed.

As with the 7 types of Submissives there are just as many slaves , but also there are just as many Dominants or Masters..

The service slave is more geared towards service , cleaning , cooking , and keeping things in order. Although sex does play a part service is their main goal. Just knowing their Master is pleased gives them pleasure.

The sex slave can be a little service orientated but is geared more at being used as a sex object , at times no holes barred. The sex slave gets off more knowing they have pleased than them getting off. Most sex slaves will conform to what pleases the Master and urge those actions more.

The Masochist in most cases is neither just as a full blown sadist. Very little structure , very few rules, it is all about the pain and the pleasure the sadist gets out of inflicting pain.

The all around slave a mixture of all of the above , a slave that needs a little of all , being used , in service and at times stepping up to take what pain is giving..

We as Master need to step up to the plate , owning one of the above takes a great deal of time and responsibility. We must make ourselves available 24/7. Arianna knows she can wake me at any time to talk.. We must give more than we take.

Being codependent does not make you broken , being needy does not make you broken , having a low self esteem does not make you broken in fact many times it makes you special.

I have heard many times I am broken or I am not worthy of having a Dominant or Master.

I myself prefer the needy part even the codependent , it is just knowing how to handle and being able to offer the care. Short term neither play out good if both sides are not ready to commit.

I have found very few Dominants or those who call themselves Masters who are truly willing to take any type of relationship serious or willing to take the responsibility needed.  These are the guys who hide behind the computer , the trolls who really have no clue. Once they find someone who is gullible enough it is short lived . The crazy rules the unrealistic demands , the confusion of changing rules just so they can punish.

Training is very time consuming just the initial training I am going to say 90 days with hands on contact on a daily basis. In order to be in control you have to be able to reach out and touch. Online training does not work , it works as long as the computer is on and you have 24/7 contact then it is still iffy.

You have to have need , the craving to be owned , the craving to be used , the craving to be called property. The craving to be able to hand yourself over completely.

The hardest part is the first 90 days it will tell you number one if you are just going through a frenzy or the life of a slave is not you….. It is easy to throw in the towel and give up , it takes a lot to stick it out , but if things are not what they seem , the raise the white flag and say I am done… No shame your just being true. I can assure you the Dominant you leave is not the last in the world.

I believe at times humiliation is needed , it is needed to bring someone back down to reality. It is meant to give a shock , kinda like sticker shock when looking at a new car. It brings someone ego back down to earth. Even during my relationship there are times I will use some form of humiliation to keep things in check , it puts them or reminds the slave of their place..

The word USE I use my property , I use my property for my pleasure , even during fucking I use the word USE , I love using you , I love fucking my property , I love fucking your ass. I like the little reminders..

We live a micromanaged relationship as most of you know. I control everything. I control hair color , I control the length , the nail polish , her clothes . I control the way she walks , talks. I control how she acts in public. I control bathroom , food , bedtime , shower , shaving. I receive a hourly check in 90% of the time with pictures. Both girls have a mileage book although I do not check it on a regular basis it is there if I have the urge to look. I have no passwords , I see no need mainly because I am secure enough in my relationship. However I will at times pick up the phones and strum through them.  If you as a Dominant has the need to demand passwords you do not trust and you have a very low self esteem.

If you the Dominant are insecure how can you control someone and your ego not be behind the force of your relationship? A relationship based on insecurities and ego will be short lived and you brought it on yourself, but you will sit in a corner and cry like a little bitch. Even in a relationship when things don’t go your way you still act like a little bitch.

You cannot be a part time Master , you have to be a Master 24/7 365

If you noticed I did not speak to much about Kink , or Bondage. My relationship runs much deeper. While at times I enjoy getting rough , at times I enjoy bondage , at times I get off on sexual abuse , face fucking being my favorite, then anal. I am more about the control , I love being in the mind. I love the structure . I have a life with zero problems and zero drama.. I love my life

New Dominants your best source for information http://bestslavetraining.com/

Oh My Ride

 

Grow up and be a man…

 

 

You Want My Dominance

Posted in abuse, are you submissive, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, communication, relationships, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , , on March 26, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is just in general but I have posted in the past about a Dominant having to earn Submission, having to earn trust. Those are huge task and task that really takes dedication.

When we turn the page there is a very different view , a view into a whole different world. I myself work on a earn system , you want my Dominance you earn it. You learn to communicate… You learn to express your feelings , your needs.

Someone can only make a Decision based on the information giving.  We as Dominants are not mind readers , and I know myself I am not willing to put that much effort if the other party is not willing to do the above.

BDSM is not just about sex although many think along those lines. There are those who are that simple minded, or those who have no set goals in life or those who do not wish to better themselves.

We are only giving one life , one thing that is for sure we do not know when the end is coming.

You as a submissive or slave expects the Dominant to give 110% , why would you think a Dominant would expect any less?

The kink is good , the bondage , the cock sucking , spanking , humiliation, but all of this comes with requirements from both.

There are just as many women who abuse men as there are men who abuse. In my day I have met some gold digging bitches. I have met those who lied and knew they were lying and just looking into their eyes and agreeing. I was thinking how stupid they would feel if they knew they were lying to me.

I was not born yesterday my degree comes from the street. At a younger age I learned early on to watch , listen and observe. I knew how I wanted to turn out and how I did not want to.

You wake one morning and hit a website on submission and all of a sudden you are on a mission from hell. You join dating sites even like Match hoping to find a Dom , you join kinky sites in hopes of finding the right one. The thing is nothing is going to fall from the sky and in comes a knight in shinning armor. If you are not willing to put a little effort in looking you are going to end up with the wannabes , the abusers. You wont listen to anyone even when asking for advice then you find yourself in a car sucking cock and pushed out the door when he blows his load in your mouth.

If you want something you have to work for it, if something is just giving there is no appreciation , there is no value, there is no need.

You spend hours sitting on the couch with your cell in hand waiting on that text , that email and in the end it never comes.

Getting your ass beat does not equal submission , sucking cock or taking it up the ass does not equal submission… That may be your way of submitting and if it is you are very sad.

You can be submissive but giving up that control is a different subject. You have to be able to share your thoughts and needs. Putting on a collar means absolutely  nothing if it was not earned.

You want a relationship that has meaning , you want a relationship that has substance. You want to be able to reach out and touch.

No one is going to rescue you , if a Dom is willing to tackle such a relationship it is to feed his own ego. All decisions come with choices and consequences. Rescuing you will fix nothing and entering a relationship when your life is just fucked up is not fair. I will not fix you , I can give advice , I can give you my opinion it is up to you to decide what is right and what is wrong.

There are those who have known nothing but being miserable , depressed , drama infected, Problematic you create your own poison then you want someone to clean up your mess.

You have to be willing to give all , while I do not fully understand those who live as a part time submissive I do respect that if it is you. If you are a bedroom submissive be up front and truthful.

It is easy to fake it till you make it but that will only last so long. You may have good intentions but no idea what path you are wanting to take or no idea who you are.

You have to need rules , you have to need structure , you have to need protocols , you have to be willing to work and build a relationship. You have to have the need to be trained.

There are those who have been used as a object your entire life and know no better, you are not able to see the mistakes but still wonder what is wrong.

There are those who move from one abusive relationship to another not knowing any better or how to fix it. Maybe it just seems like to much work or will take to much effort. Your drawn to the same type of men expecting things to turn out different.

I use to think that if a M’s or D’s relationship ended it was the Doms fault but it can fall on the submissive.

Dominance is a gift just as Submission it has to work the same on both sides of the fence.

In my home it is my way and my way only , if I need advice or maybe looking for another idea then I ask, but in the end I make the final decision.

In the end just be you.

You Are A Submissive No You Are A Slave

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, are you submissive, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, Dominance Through Intimidation, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master & Slave, relationships, Self-identification, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , , on March 11, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

The world is full of stupid people , we all know stupid cannot be fixed. The world is full of idiots , again cannot be fixed. We all know the world is full of Predators again cannot be fixed. The world is full of abusers and once a abuser always a abuser. The world is full of rapist , again cannot be fixed. The world is full of pedophiles yes very sick but cannot be fixed.

The above our medical professionals say all of these people can be fixed , well with the exception of stupid and idiots. We can give medication , we can send to rehab , and we can offer group meetings and regular appointments but the truth is those people are poison.

Then we move into the world of BDSM a world like our universe that has no end and we have the capability of stepping into other worlds, we have the capability of experimenting , we have the capability to explore new and decide where we fit in.

Wikipedia

BDSM is a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other related interpersonal dynamics. Given the wide range of practices, some of which may be engaged in by people who do not consider themselves as practicing BDSM, inclusion in the BDSM community or subculture is usually dependent on self-identification and shared experience.

Look at the word Self-identification because it will come up again soon in my post it is very important.

As much as I would like to believe I am not perfect, yea I know a big pill to swallow but it is true.  While I am close to perfection I do mess up every now and then but when I do it is usually something I have no control over. When it does happen I take a step back I rethink things and I move on with a different plan.

Where am I going with this ? I did not just wake up one morning and say hey I am a Dominant , or a Master titles are really useless if they are not acknowledge in a form or respect from someone other than you.

It took years for me to evolve , years to learn and learning from mistakes and yes I made the same mistake more than once before I learned it was not someone else it was me.

It took me years to be able to self identify so I could determine the direction I wanted to go , still stumbling and making mistakes.

I just like you had to go through a Self-identification process , while others were trying to tell me who and what I was. Self-identification is not a over night process and it a process that one has to put a great deal of thought and soul searching.

The thing that makes it a hard rode to follow are the fine people I mentioned above. The stupid , the idiots, the predators , the rapist,he abusers and in some cases the pedophiles. You have to think smart and keep your emotions packed away because the above mentioned will hurt you .

You meet a Dom on a dating site , maybe craigslist , maybe in a chatroom. You talk for a while then you agree to meet and twenty minutes into the conversation he is telling you who and what you are. You are not a submissive you are a slave really? This dude has been talking twenty minutes and he has you figured out , while he has no clue what your favorite color is , what your favorite movies are , the foods you like and he has already made a determination on who and what you are. He knows nothing about your family or upbringing , the kind of friends you have.

The things he does know is if you swallow , if you take it up the ass , if you are into humiliation oh and if you are Bi sexual if not willing to try.

Self-identification  The act of identifying yourself as a particular kind of person. Knowing and understand who and what you are. Being able to communicate with others about who and what you are and what you not only want out of life but what you expect.

Self-identification requires self thought and understanding on many different levels. A good example , your are a Slave , um no I am submissive. Now this is not to say as you grow while in a relationship you could have growth or something may inspire you to explore the option of entering such a world.

You cannot chat with someone or meet someone once or twice and the Dominant come to a conclusion of where you fit in the lifestyle. In order to make that kind of determination someone would have to know you inside out.

So questions that come to mind , why do you think I am a Slave ? How do you know I am a Slave? What are you going to get out of such a relationship ? What are your goals in a Master / Slave relationship ? Once confronted chances are there will be no answer , chances are anger will come out simply because you questioned his experience ..

I went through a rather long process of Self-identification , figuring out who and what I was about a year. First I had to understand me , then I had to understand what I wanted out of this one life I was giving. At this point and time in my life I had hit rock bottom, going through the guilt , the poor me self pity , the whole world was against me when in fact I was against myself. My problems were self inflicting , I myself created a mess I had to figure out how to clean up. I spent a year alone , dating from time to time just for the companionship someone to talk to. Many times we settle for less just for the companionship and security knowing it is not going to work , but it works for the moment and time..

Self-identification never let someone try and take this from you it changes your whole identity , it changes your whole world and you will not be happy.

I have never figured out why so many are stuck on titles , I am assuming that is why some try to put you in a category , you are slave and I am Master. The word Master puts him on a different ego cloud, his chest swells so much he can hardly breath and when you come back I am not a slave I am submissive the chest then begins to deflate. Anger comes out he then starts to get aggression , this is a side you have not seen and it should be a warning sign. I hate the word red flag , red flag has no meaning , anything can be labeled as a red flag. When you talk to others they will say oh he does not text back immediately  that is a red flag you should dump him.

Being able to see and understand if you are just being used , used as a toy , a fuck toy. You find yourself on your knees most of the time sucking dick or getting your ass beat for a couple of hours a month and never hearing from him. Doing things you never thought you would , sending pics and videos which you have and were totally against. What are the benefits of such actions unless it is just a control thing ?

I said once before every morning when you wake you stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom and take a deep look. Then you wash your face and make to bad go away and bring in the good.. I guess kinda like the wax on wax off.

If you are knew to the lifestyle you know absolutely nothing. You have spent hours reading and what you are reading is someones opinion and you don’t even know if it is true. You spend hours chatting in BDSM rooms most of the Dominants their are web Doms who are single and will remain single. There are Doms making unrealistic demands , demands you call them Sir or Master. He gets your phone number you both masturbate then he has to go. The whole conversation zeros in around sex and nothing more he has not intentions of moving nor do you because you want to find someone next door.

If you want something you have to be willing to put effort into getting what you want. You have to be willing to work for what you want. If something is just given there is no respect for it.

After the Self-identification process and you meet your prospective owner your job has not ended because now you have to negotiate your relationship at this time you are able to make demands , you have to explain who you are and what you need out of a relationship. It is very important you stick to your needs and not give in. He will then make his demands and you need to listen and ask questions.

The insecure Dom , this are the ones who show anger , do not trust, want all of your passwords. You are accused of cheating , you cannot do anything right. You are not a true submissive. Most of the time it is just verbal , humiliation , mental but at times it can get physical. All of this is abuse but once it gets physical it will never stop. The insecure Dom will not communicate , he will not talk or listen. At this time you sit him down and say look things are going to change or I will make changes for you.  Stand your ground.

If you want some good information bestslavetraining.com

Self-identification never let someone tell you who or what you are.

My Interview With A Dominant

Posted in bdsm, Master & Slave, Sister Slaves, Triad with tags , , on January 22, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

A few years ago the interviews were a pretty regular thing. The purpose they serve is to give everyone a peak into someones life within the lifestyle.

In the past I have interviewed both Dominant and submissive, all with different questions..

I am going to send a series of questions to a very good friend and you can find his blog here.

https://livingwithx.wordpress.com/

I am also working on a post about our Triad and how our home works and what makes it work….

I am back on track…

Vile