The Collaring Process

Now before you jump the gun, there were several submissives who contacted me last night who were agreeing with me.


Many today are still pretty confused about the collar or how one earns one. There are also many Dominants since the 50 shades of grey has come out that do not have a clue. Since the books have been out Dominants have been popping up like weeds in your yard.

Sometime ago the collaring process could take 2 to 5 years for a submissive or slave to earn their collar. It has only been in the last ten years or so that this has changed. The consideration time, the training time depending on the submissive or the slave could go beyond the 5 year mark.

Today a submissive can earn a collar on the first date, eh maybe 30 days, which seems to be the average.

Just to let everyone know it was eight months before I collared Arianna, it would of been six months but she refused my first offer. I am not sure if everyone knew that or not.

So I had to regroup think things out, figure out what I had missed, I had to do a little restructuring change things up a little. Wow she really told me no. It turned out good though and I would not of changed anything.

So the collaring process this was before the pansexual epidemic hit the world of BDSM everybody fucking everybody. Zero control, open the trash can throw all the structure and protocols in it. Fuck who needs rules we are just going to have sex. You want to fuck my slave sure man have at it. Those of you who do not know what pansexual is.

There you go

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Pansexuality, or omnisexuality,[1] is sexual attraction, sexual desire, romantic love, or emotional attraction toward people of all gender identities and biological sexes.[2][3] Self-identified pansexuals may consider pansexuality a sexual orientation,[3] and refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.[4] The Oxford Dictionary of English defines pansexuality as, “not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regard to gender or activity”.[5]

The concept of pansexuality rejects the gender binary, the “notion of two genders and indeed of specific sexual orientations”,[3] as pansexual people are open to relationships with people who do not identify as strictly men or women.


So here comes the change , and don’t get me wrong I welcome change to an extent, I am probably the most open minded man on earth you will ever meet. I do have friends who are pansexual dear friends who are pansexual.

That is one of the problems today with poly relationships even when there is a Dominant involved there is no structure , no rules if there are rules there are no consequences if rules are broken, and there are zero protocols, and those of you who have been to BDSM events have seen just what I am talking about.

So yes today you can earn a collar on the first date, but does it really mean anything to you? What did you do to earn it? Because you swallow ? Okay I am not saying everybody sucks cock on the first date. If I dated someone or met someone and I just wanted my cock sucked and it was in the parking lot of Denny’s guess what ? She did not get another call, I lost her number. Okay I am guilty of that I knew there was no chance of a relationship but she may have been hot or I liked the shape of her lips. If you fuck on the first date nah not for me, second yea possible you already have that connection.

You should want to earn a collar, the collar should be very special to you. The meaning of the collar is pure ownership. You have giving yourself, and have agreed to let someone take over your life.

Let me tell you something , 98% of the time if you do not live in a 24/7 setting it does and will not work. It may work for a short time six months to a year, but it will not work. If a Dominant cares enough about you to put a collar around your neck, then he should care enough about you to move you in, or there may be the case where you make more money than he does and it makes more sense for him to move in with you. If he has a job, and a car, and is able to obtain work once he moves.

So you put your Submissive or Slave under Consideration , in some protocols there is a Consideration Collar , this collar can be taken off when going out or to bed or when company comes over. How long would you consider someone before you decided you wanted to go forward with a relationship ? That would really depend on the two.

The Training Collar this is a collar giving to the Submissive or Slave so the two can begin their formal training. Again this collar can come off when needed, or can be worn just at play time or when your Dominant is present.

How long does the Training process take. Well with Arianna I am going to say Hmmm the real in depth training was 90 days and a total of six months, and we are still going after almost two years. I have found that during our relationship I have had to add things and take away things.

The Collar , the collar of ownership. The Collar should be something that is picked out by the two, it should be something that is agreeable by both the Slave and Master or the Submissive and Dominant. Then a ceremony is planned if your anything like me I wanted it to be special. That is why we decided to do it on our wedding day at the same time.

The Collar on the slave is to be worn and it could on be taken off by the Master. Dominants and Submissive’s are different very few wear their collar 24/7.

It was funny Arianna went to the dentist to get her Teeth cleaned she has the whitest teeth I have ever seen, anyway before doing X rays they asked her to remove her necklace. She replied I cant , and the Hygienist said why ? Arianna said its locked and I do not have the key. A Few minutes later the Dentist came in and looked at it and said he had never seen anything like it in his life, but they were still able to do the X rays.

The term Daddy Dom and Baby Girl is relatively  new to the lifestyle. It is a Term that emerged about 15 years ago maybe a little longer but not by much. I was looking for some kind of date but I could not pin point one down. Any way there are a couple of difference stages of a Daddy Dom and Baby Girl.

Most are not sexual those who are truly growing up little’s, although it  has nothing to do with incest , the girl is usually around the age of 10 or 12 and at times younger. I have known some to even wear diapers. Most of the time a Daddy Dom has more than one baby girl, but the baby girl rarely has more than one Daddy. A lot of Daddy Doms are married and very few live with their Baby girls.

I am going to share a link from a Tumbler that a Baby Girl wrote to give a little more insight.

Now my reasoning behind the not collaring. Most Daddy Dom and Baby Girl relationships lack any type of structure, almost no protocols and I have seen this when out at different functions as well. Most are not long term. A Baby girls first daddy is seldom the last one. Although there are rules, rules are seldom followed and many times there are no consequences. I have never seen a Baby Girl with a collar on, and believe me when out I am a people watcher. The lack of respect when out towards their daddy is something less desirable. Again this is the growing up little’s I am talking about.

The other relationship The Daddy Dom and the Baby girl is really not age related, again very new to the lifestyle, but we try to except everyone, mainly because everyone is different, our kinks are different. So The Masters and Dominant open our doors with open arms. Munch’s MasT meetings and so on. I find it at times the baby girl to be very disruptive , again no protocols , no rules, and back talking their Dominant right there is public.

Then to have someone who is not a Slave or submissive because most Baby girls are only submissive when they feel like it. Have the nerve to criticize how someone else lives, or simply say that is wrong. Um wait you are at a BDSM munch Bondage Discipline Sado Masochism. .

We talk down about things we do not understand, we judge people because we do not understand, and even when you try to explain , they already have a mental picture in their mind, your fighting a losing battle.

Several months ago we went to a Munch In St Augustine Florida. Arianna could not believe how disruptive some of the subs were and most were Baby Girls and their Daddy sitting next to them like nothing was going on. At times we could not even hear the presenter, and at this time the moderator should of stepped up and showed a few people to the door. This is not the only instance…

Most Baby Girls when collared do not wear their collars, they only wear when they have that feeling of submission come over them, or when Daddy states he wants the collar on and then it is for play.

I take the lifestyle very very serious, as does Arianna . Last night we were talking about getting another collar, and I had found some that looked like eternity collars but they were made out of aluminum. She said NO. She said I am not going to down grade, the weight for one it would not have the same effect. Okay I understood.

When people disrespect the collar in my eyes it is the same as burning our US Flag. That is how serious I take my lifestyle. Sometimes I even hate the word lifestyle, if you think about it I am not a lifestyle I am me.

The collar not not have to be a big bulky leather one, or even an eternity collar, but something to represent ownership. How many of you can reach up right now and touch your collar?

Again these are just my views, my opinion and nothing more, but if your going to attend a BDSM event show some respect and be respectful of others.


40 Responses to “The Collaring Process”

  1. Reaching up and touching my collar. I find it almost means more to me than my wedding ring. Don’t get me wrong, I love my ring, but my collar seems more intimate, a constant reminder of what we have.

    We have been married for fifteen years. Started D/s about two months after our wedding day. As we changed and grew we became full time Master and slave three years ago. Even with that history I still worked three months to earn my collar, after we agreed to be 24/7 M/s.

  2. Kikamoon Says:

    Please share the Tumbler link you mentioned. Thank you very much.

  3. Strictly from a D/s standpoint (I call him Daddy sometimes, in the bedroom only, but we’re not in a DD/lg arrangement), the collar is still important to me. Sir and I have been D/s partners for nearly a decade now. At first it was just friendly sex play, but it has developed into something more. He collared me a little over two years ago. And it is serious. I don’t wear it 24/7–we don’t live together for various reasons (mostly our separate career choices), but it is still a matter of respect, pride, etc.

    I think that a lot of D/s couples who forget protocol or respect at public meetings don’t necessarily see their dynamics as taking place outside of the bedroom. Munches have become so much more accessible, nearly “mainstream” and I think a lot of play partners who engage in D/s see a desire to go to one. But without trying to sound prissy or trying to make my relationship more valid than anyone else’s there is a difference between those of us who live it and those of us who play at living it.

    Sir likes a brat. I’m feisty–to a point. I would NEVER disrespect him in public or in private. My first rule, the rule that defines our dynamic is: Obey. If I have a problem I will discuss it with him, in private, at a different time. I do not yell at him. I do not embarrass him. I do not have a desire to disobey. This is not because of the collar. This is why I was collared. I was collared because I’m serious about our dynamic, and he’s serious about our dynamic. Even when I’m not wearing my physical collar, make no mistake, I am still collared.

    I think some people forget that when they can’t feel the device around their necks. At the end of the day, the collar, though an important symbol (I cherish mine) is still a symbol of what it actually means to be collared, to belong to another person being. It’s a mindset, it is a spirituality, almost.


  4. Little Drakon Says:

    I had a ring that I wore for a long time, to ‘remind’ me of my submissive status. Husband didn’t ask me to wear it, I wore it because I needed to have something from the very beginning that I could look at, touch. I wanted our D/s relationship, but who doesn’t need a little reminder sometimes?

    Now, I have a beautiful sterling silver necklace that I made, that I wear everyday, it doesn’t come off. There’s no lock, but there’s no clasp either. Husband would have to use a small pair of pliers to it if he ever wanted to take it off. We collared relatively early – but we were already married before starting our new life together (it makes sense in my head as to why we collared before the first year was up, but I can’t quite get the words right to write them as to why)

    I understand the need and the want to be collared right away – it’s very akin to a child with their blankie – there’s a sense of safety and calmness with the collar. But I don’t think a ‘forever’ collar should be given right away.

    I can’t quite remember where I was going with this ramble… So I’ll end it with hoping you, Sir, and Arriana have a wonderful day!

    • It does not matter what you wear. But as you stated it was and is a reminder.
      Yes many cannot wait to be collared. learning to wait is important. Patience is very important.
      I am glad your in a good place. I am sure it.
      looks good around your neck
      Thank you for stopping by

  5. Agree I want a full time Daddy 😦

  6. Great post.
    It is disappointing when something you hold sacred is made to appear less sacred or disrespected by other people.

  7. A very well written post with some very well made points.

    As you are aware Kayla and I have been in a LDR now for a little over a year. In the time that we have been together we have identified as a DD/lg. We do not engage in age play, that is not what our dynamic is about.

    As her Daddy first and foremost I am her protector, she is a type-A personality and during her days as career person and also as a mother she gives it her all. She knows though at the end of the day even though for now there is still distance between us, I am there for her.

    Also I am her mentor and guide, not only in the D/s lifestyle but in her life as well. My part is to not just push her boundaries in BDSM but in her personally as well. One day during a conversation with her she made a statement that she had always dreamed of being a writer, my reply to her was “then I am there with you to do whatever I can to help you achieve your dream”

    As for closing the distance gap, yes it has taken some time, there were things that needed tending on my end, tying up some loose ends as it were, it wouldn’t be fair to have her come here with that hanging over my head.

    Also there were things to consider like her job and then there are her children, it has taken some planning but it is now coming to it’s fruition.

    A Master and his slave that mentor at the club started out in a Long Distance Relationship and because of logistics it took them seven years before they could be together. Now they have been happily together for 14 years.

    There has been talk between Kayla and I about collaring, for now she has a play collar but that is all. In time I would like for her to have a permanent one as a token of our relationship. Like you I feel they are like a wedding ring and to some extent even more of a meaning behind a collar.

    I do not believe in handing one out lightly or on a whim I agree with you, it seems that they are handed out on a dime anymore. Some call them Velcro-Collars as they are put on and taken off just as quickly.

    Is Kayla as a little a bit sassy? yes she can be. I do like her bit of sassy it can be fun and light-hearted, BUT that being said she also knows how far she can push and when she goes to far I step in as I will not tolerate.

    In part of our discussion on being together she asked me about structure and discipline. Thanks to you; Vile and Jolynn Raymond I have sat down and began drafting a list of rules and protocols for her when we are together. She is fully aware of this and we have talked about it.

    Even though she has her sassy side when she was here visiting last summer I took her to Phoenix Club. She herself was worried about how to act while there. I explained to her what to expect and how to act at the club, actually I started a couple months prior to the visit for a couple of reason’s. One was to help alleviate her nervousness and the second so she would have time to ask questions and I could answer and explain to her.

    She did not disappoint, as I was well aware that her behavior would reflect directly on me and she was aware of that. Once she is here in a few months I look forward to taking her to the munches in the area and having her make friends and being involved in the local community.

    One of the munches here is very big on educating new comers. A portion of time is set aside at each munch for a topic of discussion about the lifestyle. There is also a dinner social for newcomers once a month they can attend where they can openly ask questions and be informed about protocols, etc.

    Sorry this is so long but once I got started seemed there was a lot to be said.

    • Much love to you. I have much respect for you.
      I to have lived a daddy girl relationship but I still think it was different because I did not change it was only the name she called me.
      I understand everything you have said.
      You worked very hard getting where you are today. You have worked very hard getting Kayla where she is today.
      I am at work I will respond in the am.
      Thank you

  8. You mentioned the sub/slave earning the collar, but what about the Dominant/Master? Don’t they earn the collar too??

  9. As a Babygirl, I respectfully disagree about a collar – one of my most fervent hopes is that one day I’ll be collared. I haven’t spent a lot of time around people in the lifestyle, so I don’t know what other babygirl’s are like, but I am always respectful when we’re in public and while I have a bit of sass (as SSir mentioned earlier), I would rather die than let anyone see me disrespect him – especially in public! Worse is disappointing him with bad behaviour!

    I don’t understand a lot of the babygirls I see online – especially the ones in new and/or long distance relationships. They seem to change Daddies every few weeks – and seem to be willing to call any man “Daddy.” Those girls probably shouldn’t be collared. They always strike me as women who just want someone to take care of them…and the entire D/s dynamic is about each person taking care of the other person’s needs.

    So whether sub, slave, OR babygirl, only those who are truly invested in their relationships and willing to follow the rules should probably be collared.

    • You and John are a bit different. I believe John to be a good man and a better Dominant.
      What has happened and I will explain. You can no longer say Merry Christmas, Happy Thanksgiving because we may offend someone.
      I remember taking my six year old boy to see Santa and when he sat on his Lap Santa said HO HO HO Happy Holidays.My son looked confused so I walked up to Santa and said if you do not say Merry Christmas I will beat your ass right where you sit.
      So where along the line we have had an growth with in the lifestyle a huge growth, but they take bits and pieces to make it fit their needs, leaving out two main ingredients structure and protocols ahh lets add one more rules.
      Very few baby girls have rules or structure. Why is this ? Because they are being used just for a piece of ass, nothing more. Most Daddy’s who do not live with their baby girls are married. I have said this 10.000 times.
      SO what do they learn? They learn to get on their knees and lay on their back nothing more.
      On the other side those who do venture out and happen to come across a munch or a MasT meeting. Master And Slaves Together.
      They know nothing but they want to sit there and run off at the cock sucker, well I dont agree with what a slave does or I dont agree with rules. Fine get the fuck out, and I have said that.
      So please do not take it personal when I was speaking about the Daddy Dom and the Baby girl, but you disagreed with me then you turned around and said the same thing I did about the disrespect.

      With any relationship you need structure, and you need rules. Even in a vanilla there are rules but there not thought of as rules.
      Well I cannot make a decision without my husband
      ahh a rule in place.
      You are a direct reflection of your Daddy, public or private, with him or not with him.
      I have told Arianna this as well because we are a small community and there will come a day when you will see someone in public who is in the lifestyle.
      As I stated you are John are a rare Breed. He did mention and new rules and protocols that are going to be enforced, my hat goes off to him. That will lead the way to earn your collar.

      I have talked and I have talked to these so called baby girls about how they are being used. They turn their head like they hear nothing, then it happens. They get dumped. Or they start to thinking he I am just being used maybe vile was right
      The sad thing is you can only care so much. There comes a time when you just have to say fuck it.

      So whether sub, slave, OR babygirl, only those who are truly invested in their relationships and willing to follow the rules should probably be collared.
      You said that right

    • phoenixasubbie Says:

      As a single babygirl who blogs, and reads hundreds of other blogs… I both see what you are talking about, and would say that perhaps even a harsh judge would say this about me.

      I hope not, but at the end of the day I know that I followed my heart and did my best. I still love them both.

      I guess my rambling point here is that it’s easy to judge. I don’t mean that ugly….. just sayin…. You are in a particularly unique position to teach and help other babygirls.

      Hugs. Phoenix

      • Wow and all this time I thought you hated me. Well now.
        I don’t judge well okay maybe a little.
        I judge those dudes who are married and want to play daddy because their wife wont.
        They use and abuse.
        Shrugs I am me.
        Wow I thought you hated me

      • ((HUGS)) I hope I can.

        I think there’s so much happiness to be found in D/s and DD/lg. Everyone’s relationship is unique, but I do agree with Vile that there are some things that are sort of “standard” to D/s – the fact that there are rules and protocols to follow.

        The specifics of both are up to the people in the relationship to determine, but I don’t understand relationships who call themselves D/s or DD/lg who either don’t have rules and protocols or don’t follow them.

        At the end of it, though, we’re all unique butterflies, and we have to find our own happiness.

  10. phoenixasubbie Says:

    I feel as Kayla does about wanting a collar one day. I look at this as the same as being married, so it is certainly not something I would do or take lightly.


  11. kenspetslaveslutmindy Says:

    Just wanted to say that I enjoy reading your Blog and thanks for opening your heart and sharing your personal experiences with others.

    Also I would like to invite you and all of your Female Slave Readers to join me over at Slave Space.

    I created this new WordPress Community so it could be a special place on the Internet where all Mature Female Slaves over 40 can hang out and discuss our lifestyle.

    Hope 2 see U there too !!!


    Ken’s Pet Slave Slut Mindy

  12. phoenixasubbie Says:

    Vile… Hated you?? I hope that’s a joke. I follow you. Comment often, and reblog often.
    I love you to death and have mad respect for you and what you do.

    And you have always been kind and respectful towards me…

    The comment you replied back was meant for Kayla. I certainly think we are all entitled to our opinions, and perhaps I am a bit sensitive on the matter… BUT…

    I just wanted to point out that she is in a great position to teach other and newer babygirls. It isn’t the easiest waters to navigate.

    And like with you, I like and respect her… so I probably used a terrible choice of words to make my point.


    • No your words were right on. I speak my mind and I expect others to do the same.
      I don’t want everyone to agree with me on what I have to say.
      But down the road something may come up and what I’ve said may pop in your head and give you second thoughts

  13. I don’t have a thing to say about the collar, Sir (why bother even thinking about it… but I agree that it should be something that is earned, and that a Dom/Master must earn the right to collar his sub/slave), but I was very interested to see what you said about baby girls.

    I think I’d enjoy being a little to a Daddy Dom, but I cannot imagine disrespecting any man I was with in public by being “bratty”. I wouldn’t say or do things in public to elicit a Daddy response. How embarrassing to BOTH people, not to mention disruptive. Jokingly, in private, perhaps I would say something or do something just to elicit the Dom to come out. Maybe that is just as bad. But, I believe, given the opportunity, I would be a very submissive little girl. I could only imagine being bratty in response to negative or abusive treatment by my Sir/Daddy. I always thought every little’s dream was to be a ‘Good Girl’.

    It’s true and so interesting that every single person and every single relationship is different. I always appreciate your insight on things, but this subject was most definitely interesting because of the comments. If I ever do get a real opportunity at this lifestyle, I will definitely go into it with open eyes and LOTS of knowledge. Thank you, as usual, for everything you write on the subject of submission.

  14. Reblogged this on thekinkyworldofvile and commented:

    The collaring process here are my beliefs

  15. First I am reading this one. See it was from around 2014. Much of this is exactly as taught in the workshops I give on the subject. In other words, spot on to what I think, believe, and have seen.

    As for lifestyle.. yeah, no. I don’t like using the term lifestyle. This isn’t a style.. its my life. period. Can’t do it any other way. Its the only way to live and not be miserable, at least for me. If I had to pick a word, its more like my orientation.

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