Abuse Starts At A Very Early Age

I have been in the lifestyle for more than twenty years, and I have met thousands of people. Dominants, Masters, Submissive’s, slaves, Pony Girls, puppy’s, Kitty’s , the list goes on and on.

One thing I found in common with many is a lot not all but a lot were abused at an early age. This included physical , Mental , Rape and the most being molested by family members.

Okay so I do not have any hard numbers or facts so call me a bull shitter, or say I don’t know what I am talking about , but any Dominant who has been in the lifestyle for any amount of time will also say this is true.

I am not sure why the medical Profession has caught on yet, if I have surely they can find a connection. I believe one problem is those who are seeing doctors are scared of being open, about their lifestyle, in fear the doctor may not understand.

Okay so teen suicide is up by more than 50% compared to the 70’s , but now we have troubled teens taking to the streets with guns.

So a troubled teen lives at home and he is fixing to go on a slaughter, but the parents do not have a clue, really are you serious? They are locked up in their room, with nothing to do.

It is easier to push drugs on kids to make them so they can no longer think. They walk around like zombies. Now the problem is fixed.

The one thing I have not figured out is, troubled male teens growing up seldom make it into the lifestyle as Dominants, or I have never met anyone who had such troubles.
I have however met those who were Dominant and suffered from depression which I have blogged about in the past. This is probably one of the most dangerous Dominants you can enter a relationship with. If a Dominant or any other man for that matter cannot control his own life, how can you expect him to control someone else ?

Bea who I was in a relationship with for seven yrs, she was a cutter at a very young age, and her parents knew it was drugs, and they blamed it on her friends. Her mother would stand in the bathroom with her watching her pee in a cup for a over the counter drug test kit. How fucking embarrassing is that.
All along it was her parents, they were the root of the problem. On the outside of the shell everything looked like a 1950’s home, but behind closed doors, the arguing and the fighting, the screaming, and the lack of attention, the lack of taking part in their child’s life..

Shortly after we moved in together the cutting stopped, each time I would catch her we would talk about what was going through her mind. I never told her should could not do it, I just made it clear it displeased me.

Family’s are not what they were 30 years ago. Today it takes two incomes to support a home, mostly due to greed. The huge houses, and cars, credits cards are a disease a bad cancer.

Americans as a whole are stuck on big, our cars, boats, houses , and there is nothing wrong with that, but we tend to get lost , lost in life.

Several years ago I use to drive a Taxi during season here, and I could pick up a grand a week sometimes more.
One day I dropped off at the Orlando Airport and a guy from Egypt stopped me and asked me where I was going, Daytona Beach man. How much, um for you 200 bucks, normally 150, I get half. So he jumped in.
While driving I asked what his business was, he was here to buy seven 7/11’s
okay go figure.
So I ask why so many people from the Middle East come to the US to buy business’s. He stated he did not want to offend me. I was like dude you cannot offend me.

His answer was, The American people have lost all family values, Morals, and everything is for sale including your wife.
I thought wow that is some deep shit there. So if he thinks this way, imagine how the rest of the world views us. I mean the french hate us, but who really cares about them?
So it cannot be just one man who feels that way, millions I am sure feel the same way.

I was talking to Arianna sometime ago, and I was telling her how people change. I said you know 30 years ago a bad storm hits, and a huge oak tree is knocked down in your back yard. The next morning 20 people would be there helping you clear it out.
Today 20 people would show, but they would want to know how much they are getting paid. It is true.

Instead of blaming our future, we need to take a look at us as a whole. What are we doing different than we did 30, 40 or 50 years ago.

We use to fight in school, today kids are bringing guns. Something is wrong.

This is just my opinion you can take it for what it is worth I do not have a PHD.

Vile

The BDSM Tree Of Life

We as a community have branched off in so many directions. We have the only lifestyle where we can be who, and what we need to be.

We have been able to Branch off in every direction to fill our needs and kinks. No matter what your into you can always find a partner, or maybe more than one.

Our lifestyle allows us to be free. We have what many only dream about. We live what others only see in a fantasy. We wake in the am proud of who and what we are.

You can be a Submissive , a Slave, A baby Girl, and Adult Baby if that gets you off. You can be a pony, a puppy, a little kitty and lets not forget the little bratty sub, who is always stirring something up.

You can be a Sadist who has the need and love to inflict pain. The Masochist who crave the feeling of a single tail whip strike your back. You can live your life as a slave, and hand full control over to someone.

You can be as open as you need, you can share your deepest and darkest secrets, with that one special one or like many share on their blogs. You have that second life no one knows about.

No matter what your kink is there is a branch for everyone. Every idea, every thought , need or want, you can find it in our small little world.

The Baby girl who needs a Daddy in their life, to love and guide. The bedroom submissive who only wants to submit when the lights are out. The submissive who is learning a new path of freedom, with her Dominant, or the Slave who wants to surrender all.

The pony who want to pull the buggy, or the puppy who wants to be in a cage, the kitty playing on the furniture. The tree is always growing and new branches are born everyday.

You can find the sensual Daddy Dom who will always be easy, or a Dom you likes it rough, there is someone for everyone, no matter what your flavor is.

In the world of BDSM a Dominant or Master can have multiple subs or slaves and at times all living under one roof. Some work out while some do not, to some it was just an experiment . If we do not experiment then how do we learn.

The bad news your going to make mistakes, some mistakes will have a plan and just goes wrong, while some mistakes are due to being careless.

One thing we all look over is we all need to get along. We are small in numbers. We should not judge anyone for their kinks, their needs. We are who we are and nothing is going to change it. We should support each other, give friendly advice, and if your told something keep it to yourself. There is a very heavy trust factor.

Just be who you are, and be free.

The pony

The Adult Baby

Daddy’s Girl

The Submissive

The Puppy

The Kitty

The Slave

The Masochist

No matter what your flavor is there is someone for you.

That is just an Ass I love

Hey please check out my friend she was just a few hundred of hitting 50.000 visitors she is awesome. and she tells me she writes good books.

http://leabarrymire.blogspot.com

Vile

Our fetishes

We all have our own fetishes, even if we do not admit it. We all get off on certain things, and at times our minds are more kinkier than we want to act out.

In our lifestyle we should never look down on someone because of their kinks or fetishes, we may not understand them, but it goes the other way as well someone else may not understand us.

When first meeting someone, there are somethings that are not best to share to soon. You should be careful with what information you give. One it could blow the whole thing, or two it could be used as ammunition later down the road when things go bad.

I have a bad ass fetish , I love to look, touch grab. Most of all I love anal sex, to me anal sex is the most submissive act there is, the most private part on the female body.

I have a short skirt fetish, I have almost broke my neck turning to fast to catch another glimpse. I am also a leg man I love a nice pair of legs, although they do look better on my shoulders.

The BDSM community has grown so much over the past 10 years or so, finely there was a place where people could be excepted and not be judged, or is that statement true ?

If you travel back in time to the late 60’s 70’s the Leather Guard Master And Slave, there were no Submissive. Then in the late 80’s and 90’s there was an explosion, the internet was a game changer people came to life, we could finely be who we needed to be.

Now you have puppy play , pony play , Daddy Dom and Baby Girl . Rubber fetishes , the list just goes on and on. We can be free and not be judged or is that statement really true ?

We are judged by the same people who live our lifestyle , we are judged by the ones who do not want to be judged. Why is this ? Because everyone has to be right.

That Master does not know what he is doing, or that Master is a FAKE , that Master cannot control his Slave, Or the best one is that Master cannot be real because he will not share.  Yea Ive heard that one before.

So when you first meet someone a Master meeting a new Submissive or Slave, a Submissive or Slave meeting a new Master you have to lay everything out on the table, but wait. Yes there is a BUT. These things should not be shared on the first meeting eh maybe even the second meeting. You should want to become friends first and for most.  Even when chatting and getting to know each other the topic of BDSM or limits or sex should not come up. If this does ladies you are just a piece of ass, and nothing more. I want to know you as a person, I want to become your best friend. Once you have got past that stage, then you lay your cards out, because if you do not, 3 months 6 months down the road these so called fetishes comes to light and guess what your partner is not game.

We as Dominant are suppose to be a different breed of men. We are secure by nature, we are not controlling by nature, we are self sufficient by nature, we are calm by nature. We indeed are a different breed. So if this is the case why do we not except others for who they are.  Every Dominant is different we all train different we all expect different things out of our relationship, we all have different goals, we all have different needs. .

Okay now there are a few good books out there for the BDSM lifestyle Master and Slave, but these books are one mans opinion, or a Slaves opinion. I am not to say what they believe is wrong or right, what they do works just fine for them. What I do works for me and Arianna.

I will tell you ladies something if you want to meet a real Slave meet mine Arianna, She can give you the definition of what living a Slaves life is all about. The one thing is we had an agreement prior to entering a relationship. She showed me her card I showed mine, there was no Bullshit. I will tell you this I do not negotiate, it is my way and my way only.  This does not mean I do not ask her for her opinion because I do. If there are any major decisions to be made we talk. Arianna is not a Doormat , nor is she stupid.

Be honest and upfront if someone does not like what you have to say, or they say no way would I think about doing that do not give in stand your ground. Be who you are and who you need to be.

Today we have a large number of BDSM site’s Collarme.com. More of a spam site, ALT.com use to because now you can only find Nigerian  slaves , you have FaceBook which can be awesome, and who could forget FetLife, every fucking kink in the world and you are not Bombed with spam.

I do have an Ass Fetish

Vile

Total Slavery 101

A Slave is not dumb, a Slave is not weak, a Slave is just like any other with different needs and desires.

Looking back I am not as strict as I once was. I am not as harsh, nor am I any longer into the pain.

Before I met Arianna I had been asked several times to play by different Masochist, and I did give it some great thought but I had to pass. It was just not me any longer, I no longer had to desire or the need to inflict pain. There are times when my mind wonders  about the relationship I had with Sherri, and I think man what the fuck were you thinking. How could you of done some of the things you did? At that point in my life what made me tick?

The willingness to give, maybe the pain in her eyes, and she never showed one tear. With the cracking of the single tail whip, the twelve pound flogger with BB’S on the end. Speculum’s in both holes at the same time, double fisting, forcing her to eat pussy, or blow some stranger, and things I do not wish to share at this time.

She was my first real slave my first and only true masochist, I gained great knowledge from her, but it was a relationship I knew would not last. Almost seven years and I never once fucked her, not sure why there was just something about her, I was not attracted to her in that way. She did suck a lot of cock though daily.

It took me a long time to realize that not every slave or submissive was a masochist, many thought I was abusive, which is far from the truth. Then I began meeting other Doms, and finely an awesome mentor. Then and only then did I learn the difference. The caring part I had to learn on my own.

As we grow older we have the need for more, we need something deeper, and real. The control is the main factor. I am not sure what makes me tick, but I spent way to much time trying to figure it out. I am me and I will never change.

Today while I am strict, I am also fair. I do not change rules to fit my needs. I try to talk through mistakes, because beating is not always the answer. Many are to quick about grabbing a belt or a whip, as a way to correct. Many times a good verbal scolding works much better

BDSM has many different levels that is why it is so easy to find the place we belong, any kink you can think of is out there, and chances are someone shares that same kink with you, but as in any relationship it has to be a give and take.

A slave has no rights, none. A slave gives everything in hopes they will not be abused or misguided. There is no second guessing, even if the owner is wrong. If we as Dominants make a mistake we have to fix it. I myself fix problems before they become problems. We Arianna and I have zero stress in our life. There is no drama between my ex-wife and I none. We even had her over for dinner last week.

You enter a relationship as Master and Slave. I will state I made no demands on what Arianna would call me. She asked if she could call me Master, at times she calls me her Owner

Over a period of a month maybe a little longer, I controlled every movement Arianna made. Bathroom, eating and what to eat, how to dress, walk, talk, what time to go to bed, what time to get up, and yes I controlled her money. I will say this, Arianna does contribute to the house, but I do not take her hard earned money, I stated that I controlled what she spent.

The training was not purely sexual, most of the training consisted of conversation, communication. Teaching her my way, my rules and yes my protocols.

It was exactly two months into our relationship, I invited a M’s couple out to dinner. This was Arianna’s first test, on protocol and etiquette. She passed with flying colors. My friends loved her. Shortly after that I invited an M’s couple over to the house and Arianna would be the host for the evening, again she passed, and the couple loved her, the slave really really loved her. Four months into our relationship we met a Domme for dinner it was her Birthday, again the Domme was very impressed with how Arianna carried herself. at that time we began to attend local events, munchs and MAST meetings. MAST Masters and Slaves Together, a great bunch of people, again Arianna was awesome, when someone did not understand what I was saying I allowed her to step in.

To fully control someone is a huge huge task, a task not many understand or wish to understand, nor is it a task that many want. With me it is a need, a deep craving. I do not even think of my wants, because all of my needs are met.

A short time ago I shared Ariannas rules with a few subs who followed me, the rules were not sexually based. Rules are meant to help. We as Dominants take ones bad habits and replace with good ones.

So think about this Arianna has no rights, no say, nor does she want. That is the key, she does not want, she is giving and she has the trust that I will not mislead or abuse the situation.  If a problem arises and when I take care of it 95% of the time Arianna does not even have a clue. Everything is on a need to know basis. Now if I ran across something I needed advice about, she would be the first and only one I would turn to, but so far that has not happened.

Every day when I arrive home, I walk through the door, Arianna is nude and kneeling. I did not ask for this nor did I require. She does it because she has the need. I walk into the kitchen to sit, my cold drink is in place waiting, she takes off my hat, pen, name tag, then shoes. Dinner is promptly put on the table. Arianna does not begin to eat until I have taking the first bite. Once finished with dinner, shower time. When I finish Arianna drys me off, my night clothes are laid out on the bed. Time to relax. Before bed a huge glass of ice water is placed on the table beside me. Once in bed we talk more about our day, I want to know whats on her mind, this is her time to talk about anything and everything that’s on her mind, her free time to express herself.

Okay I get anything I want without question, be it in everyday life, sexual, play time. When it comes to sex there are no limits, I just do not push her farther than she can go. There is no arguing, of any kind, although I do know at times I do get on her nerves, I just get the eye role she does not think I see.

There are really very few true submissives or slaves, and fewer real dominants. Once into a relationship most find it is not their cup of tea.

There are those who are quick to judge, because they either do not understand, or they believe the slave is weak, which is far from the truth. We judge what we do not understand. You would not want anyone to judge you would you?

Most other relationships I do not understand more so when it comes to a D’s type of relationship, but I do not judge, if it works for you then so be it. While I do find Pony Play interesting, I do not understand the concept, or what someone would get out of such a lifestyle, but it works for them, I am still not going to judge unless your pony takes a huge dump in my living room floor.

I keep an open mind when it comes to others, our kinks are all different, our needs, it would be much better if we could just all get long.

 

Vile

The Different Dominants

Everyone is different, we all have different needs. Subs and slaves have different needs. Some need strict discipline , some need more structure than others, some have the need for pain and humiliation, some have the need to be broken, and built back up. Some have very few to no limits, while others have a list a mile long.  Some want massive amounts of attention, while some are introverts and really has no need to be cuddled. The Daddy Dominants is big on after care, he needs this time just as his baby girl does.

What ever your kink is, there is a Dominant to fit your needs. In out lifestyle it can take a while to find the one. The one who fills all voids. Then there are some who will give a little, bend if he is truly interested in someone.

The number one sought after Dominant is the Daddy Dom. In most cases he is much older than his submissive. He is very loving, caring, and seems to be understanding. He wants his little girl to succeed in life. He is there to give loving guidance. He does most of the cooking as well. The two together love attention, always hand in hand. The Daddy Dom is based more on discipline and structure. He is more of an over the knee spanker, or corner time dominant. Some are not very strict at all. It is the loving, supportive, and understanding features the Baby Girl is after.

Next the the lowest of all Dominants The Fake Predator, the on your knees bitch. He is cool with words, he tells you just what you want to hear, he preys on your problems, your weakness’s. They fact that one is needy makes his strike more dangerous. He is in a rush to meet, He demands you wear a skirt, most of the time nothing under. He will insist on booking a room. He has to rent a room because he is married. He demands sex on the first meet, he has brought a small bag of toys or just uses his belt. He will want to collar you on the first meet. Give you rules that you know you are unable to follow. He will hurt you, not only in the physical , but mentally. He will degrade you, humiliate to make you feel worthless.He will never take you to BDSM events. He will insist you are all he needs. He will slowly cut you off from friends, and sometimes even family. I have seen it take up to a year before the sub or slave figures this out. 99% of the time he preys on someone new to the lifestyle.

Next is the Doctor Dominant, the fixer. His prey are weak subs, those who are covered in problems, they feel they have no where to run to. Then this knight in shinning armor shows up with open arms. This relationship is not about sex, although in the beginning sex is often, then it dwindles down to nothing. Once he feels he has fixed the challenge is gone, he will move on to his next challenge. Or if he cannot fix he will pace all the blame on the submissive.

The sadist. His pleasure is your pain, humiliation , degrading. He is always thinking of new ways to use you. He craves the pain and fear in your eyes. He cannot function properly during sex without inflicting some type of pain. He needs little attention, as a matter of fact he would rather put you in a closet until he is ready to use again. It seems he is unable to feel, unable to show any type of emotion, and unable to love. To a masochist this is her dream relationship. On the lighter side, he will take care of his, although he will push, he will not cause any permanent damage. You break your toy, you cannot play. Any limits are those giving to you by him. Again this just like any other is a consensual based relationship.

The Trainer. A dominant pet owner be it pony play, puppy, kitten. This is not in a lot of cases a sexual relationship, if it is it is not based on bestiality. Very strict but very loving he cares for his animals. This part of the lifestyle takes a lot of dedication, and patients.  I do not understand, but again to each their own.

I call the confused. The Switch Dominant. I never really got this type, owning a submissive being in control, but have the ability to submit to another. Most male Switches are Bi sexual. as well. Those I know and are friends are very good dominants, I just do not understand. I find it hard when a submissive or slave can watch her dominant submit to another, and still respect. To each their own I am not judging.

Mr Cocky , the Ego Dominant, purely Ego driven. He is the one you see in leather, with no shirt. The sub or slave responds to the snapping of fingers. He is verbally abusive in most cases and at time can be physical. He wants to know why it took you 30 minutes at the store when it should of only took 29 minutes. He is constantly putting other Dominants down, he is always right the other dominants have no idea what they are talking about. He is controlling not in control.If he has profiles on social sites his name begins with Master.

The in control dominant. He carry’s himself in a authoritative manner, while in control, he never brags about who or what he is. He is fair, but strict, he imposes rules and guidelines, high on protocol. He is very communicative, he shows he truly cares. He never gives more than one can handle. While he respects his property’s  limits, he will continue to push.He like the Daddy Dom needs attention, he wants to know he is loved and cared for. He will open up some, but as with any dominant we all have trouble with that. We view that as a weakness. A submissive or slave will use at one time or another, with out even realizing it. He ins very much in control. When he speaks you can hear, when he touches you can feel. he will insure your needs are met. He places his property in a number one status as the Daddy dom. He has most of the traits of all of the above, with the exception of the Fake Dominant. He is also big on after care, he truly cherishes what he has collard and calls his own.

BDSM is a positive based relationship, it should be one without any abuse, mental or physical. He should put you at number one without question. Take care of you when you are sick. He wants you healthy, after all if you are sick, no play for the owner.

The Submissive or Slaves are very special, strong. They have the need to give and please, and in most cases will do without question. They only have one true need in life. That is to be loved for who they are.

Like those who are still looking, even I we will find the one who fits like a glove, someone we can grow with.

Much Love

Vile

Pony Play . Pony and Master

While Pony play is really not my thing, I do find it interesting, more so to the point where how much two can be this open with each other. I do not know Dr. Charley Ferrer who is from Florida. I do have a friend named Pony Groom, who houses and trains human pony’s.

This video I found on youtube give an explanation from both sides..

My Obsession with Puppy Play

A few years ago I saw the movie The Pet, although to me and most of the BDSM community is was a real let down when it came to explaining puppy and animal play. It took sometime to figure the movie out, that those being trained, fed well, and forced to get into shape. Only to find out they were being sold for their organs.

Andrea Edmondson who played the pet was an awesome choice. She played the part right to the T. What caught my eye was the devotion she had for her owner. Who in the beginning was training her to sell, but fell in love with her..

This is from a Japanese film , but I love this idea.

I am not sure about owning a pet 24/7 I do believe it could be some very interesting play, maybe for a weekend. As far as 24/7 it would really Intel a lot of responsibility , the same as complete servitude, which I would think would be difficult. At one time I was looking for a slave to serve in complete servitude, but after much thinking, I decided against.

Being able to come home, and bath your pet, feed while I eat, take out side to play fetch, the thought is truly intriguing. A new best friend it you will.

Some do take things to the extreme when it comes to play, I know a local pony trainer, who has events and competitions, and his does really live it almost 24/7.

I have met some kittens but found it was really not my thing, she was truly into the scene jumping on furniture, getting into things and snooping around.

A couple of years ago I knew a slave, she was going to school here local, and one Friday night when I was available she would come over, shower I would feed her then put her in a cage. The relationship was non sexual, as a matter of fact very little communication. At night I would put her in a cage, and that is where she slept, only to be woke up at 3 am so she could use the bathroom. This went on for about six months, she graduated and moved on.

This was her way of getting away from the everyday normal life, she had no worries or anything to think about. During this time she was able to completely let go and be who she truly wanted to be without being judged or made fun of.

The relationship for the most is non sexual, but I do suppose if two were close enough it could be sexual at times. The puppies I have spoken with preferred not to have sex during this time of play. I would also think if you mounted your puppy it would bring on the feeling of humility, which to me at times is not a bad thing.

I also believe for the dominant this type of play could be relaxing at times, and enjoyable. I have never played fetch although it is something I do want to try, but 24/7 again I am not so sure I would want to take it to that limit.

Vile