Being A Slave Is Hard Or Is It ?

Those who wake with an unknown feeling, a feeling of not being complete, they are not sure where these feelings arrived from or where their thoughts came from. They begin to do a lot of research in hopes of finding answers. Then they stumble across a BDSM site or erotic stories, and things become more clearer.

Then the search Dominant after Dominant until they find the right fit , the right connection, or after being played a couple of times.

I would imagine that giving up 100% of freedom could be a scary thought. Being told what to do, how to act, how to dress, how to speak, what to eat or cook, when to bath, when to go to bed, and then being punished for breaking a rule.

To go from your boyfriend begging for sex or begging to get his dick sucked, to someone just telling you to spread, or get on your knees. Maybe anal sex was off limits now there is no choice, you do it because your now owned.

These are big changes, these are huge changes.  These are changes you never would of even thought off until a year ago, or maybe they have been thoughts for a long time but you had no idea on how to put things into place.

It is not that the changes are difficult, scary yes difficult no. It is how you are brought through these changes, what actions are taking to get you to the point of where you need to be. I can tell you it is probably harder if not almost impossible if you know you are not truly cared for. Eh it works for a short period of time, but when reality hits you and you discover this dude is a piece of shit, you pack up move on and begin your search again, and maybe again, and again until you get it right.

Two key words come to mind, resistance and consistency. Almost every Slave will put some or a lot of resistance when it comes to submitting. It is not that they do not want to, they are scared and they have every right to be.

Consistency or being consistent this is where most Dominants fail. Why is this ? Because once in a relationship be it a D’s or M’s WOW this is fucking work, I actually have to put forth an effort if this is going to work. Keeping your cool staying calm, keeping your word, showing that you care, you listen, and most of all you communicate. If you as a Dominant miss any of these steps you will fail, and it is no ones fault except yours.

I have seen this time and time again, when it happens it is always the Bitches fault, yea she was a bad submissive, or a bad slave she would not listen or follow rules. Just listen to that last statement. Who’s fault is that now? The blame always goes on the Bitch. No it could never be me I am the almighty Master. It was not long ago I told a Dom he was a piece of shit and he should rethink his place within the lifestyle. We had a couple over for dinner not long ago when they left I told Arianna what the out come of their relationship would be, sure enough they are no longer together.

Be it a Submissive or Slave, we have to be able to get into their heads, we have to know what makes them think, their thought process, and I can tell you if your not true or you do not care it will not happen. Just look at the time you have wasted just because you wanted some pussy.

Resistance equals consistent one giving equals one caring, you cannot just take or demand. You as the Dominant has to earn every step you take. Respect you have to earn it is not something we can demand.

Most who are submissive or a slave are on some type of medication, why is this? I do not have a fucking clue, most who are a Submissive or Slave suffers some type of depression maybe Bi-Polar? Why is this again I do not have a fucking clue.  So we as Dominants cannot just step in balls to the wall, we have to put a plan together because we do not want to bring any harm to ours. Yea okay I look over some things nothing major but I do not just sit around hoping Arianna will break a rule, as a matter of fact she will do everything in her power not to break a rule. I set that Ass on fire one time and that is all it took.

We can never figure out why someone is depressed if you try your just wasting time. So instead we work with them, we try to somewhat understand but we will never fully. Go to doctors appointments with them study their medication. Most of all we do not want to push them over the cliff. I had a counselor tell me not long ago that she agreed with our lifestyle, and the way our home was ran was beneficial  to Arianna, and almost a year it has worked well, we have had a few ups and downs but more ups I can assure you.

Starting a new relationship the Submissive / Slave has a wall in place. What we have to do is take it down one brick at a time, while this is on going we are still hitting this resistance button , the reason that button is still there is the lack of trust. While most would like trust is not built over night. So again the same words, Consistency or being consistent this is where most Dominants fail. Why is this ? Because once in a relationship be it a D’s or M’s WOW this is fucking work, I actually have to put forth an effort if this is going to work. Keeping your cool staying calm, keeping your word, showing that you care, you listen, and most of all you communicate. If you as a Dominant miss any of these steps you will fail, and it is no ones fault except yours.

If you cannot control your Submissive or Slave Don’t put the blame on them, it was not them who failed it was us who failed them. We gave them false statements, we led them to believe something that was not true.

If you fail at communication, it is pretty much over. Most of the time a Slave will not volunteer and information, so we have to be willing to spend the time to communicate, if you really care this comes natural. Set aside 15 minutes a day so you can just sit and talk. Hold conversation over dinner, while driving. Communication is the main key, if your going to wait for them to spill their guts guess what? It will never happen.

There has to be an astronomical amount of fear when a Slave enters a relationship, they have no idea what to expect, more so if it is their first relationship. That is why you need a plan , and you need a back up plan, and another back up plan.

I was lucky when I met Arianna the resistance level was almost zero, even so I knew I had to stay consistent. The first ninety days is the tell , tell of everything. It will tell the slave if they are truly a slave and it will tell the slave if the Dominant is real.

Asking to sit at the Dinner table, not taking a bite of food before I do. Kneeling at the door when I return from work. anticipating my needs, kneeling in the bathroom while I shower, it goes on and on, but again the key word is consistency.

Rules some just fucking kill me, Rule one you must worship my cock. Rule 2 you must masturbate every night before bed while we are talking on the phone. Rule 3 you must send me nude pics everyday. Rule 4 you will never wear panties in my presence. You have seen and heard these rules. Rules are meant to be beneficial to a slave. We take old habits and make new positive ones. Yea some do call it training I have before, I like the word molding. We are molding someone to fit our needs, or training. We are taking someones life and turning it inside out. We are taking someone who once had a resistance factor and taking the word NO or i cant out of their vocabulary. Again this all comes with being consistent and in control.

The bottom line is, if we remain who we say we are, if we prove who we say we are, if we put ours first no matter what, if we take care of ours, if we do not abuse with a bunch of worthless rules, if we remain true and yes consistent then there is only resistance for a short time.

The Slave already knows who and what they are, they already know who they want to be, we just have to take one brick down at a time, brush our hands off and take their hand and walk with them.

We as a Master are expected to live by certain standards we have a creed we must follow, we must always be truthful when speaking. We must earn what we get.

The rewards for both are just amazing, it can be the most loving relationship you have ever known. The Master will want for nothing at all. The out come is what you make of it.

Vile

Feel Free To Reply , Make Comments , Bitch, Complain Whatever.

Well I have been on wordpress for a little over a year. I am about to make the 100,000 visitor mark which to me is really awesome. Maybe not so good compared to others, but still makes me feel pretty fucking good.

What I write is just my opinion, most of what I write is about my past, and yes everything is true. Some I have not shared because I am not proud of some of the things I have done. I can say this though I have never done anything that was not asked for, and I have never hurt anyone.

I enjoy comments, I enjoy people not agreeing with me, I like when people speak up does not matter where you are from or what language you speak, Google has a Translator now, does not always work so good but it is there.

We are all different, we all have different kinks some mild some extreme. We are not here to judge anyone or be judged.  We all have different kinks that get us off. If we were all the same it would be a boring world, that would be fucked up.

A little over a year and almost 100,000 visitors, friends have come and gone, I enjoy sharing things, I enjoy sharing parts of my life, although somethings I will not.  Something I am just not proud of.

I seem to rag on men a lot Married Dominant who cheat, those who claim to be Dominants and look to BDSM to abuse those who are good hearted and hoping to find the one.

I am totally against abuse of any kind, unless it is facial. I have never hit a woman out of anger, I have never raised my voice out of anger, I have never called any name out of anger.

What I try to do is help those who are new to the lifestyle look out for the dangers, the fakes, the wannabe’s. I have a very soft heart when it comes to a slave or submissive. I do try to give advice but very few listen only to find out I was right.

Those who are married and cheat get a grip on your own house instead of disrupting someone else’s. Leading someone one , it is not fair to the submissive. Surely if you cannot control your own home, you cannot control another. What gets me is not one of these men ever speak up, shrugs I love it when I am right. You feel guilty about face fucking your wife, but not someone you really do not have a connection with, nor will you ever. It is not how you get caught it is when you get caught and you will.

To the Fakes Karma is a motherfucker you will get yours in the end. You are the ones who are going to grow old alone, you get what you deserve.

This pic has nothing to do with this post. I just have an ass fetish.

Vile

I Am Not Poly But

While I am not Poly I am not totally against the idea, some poly relationships work out very well while some do not. I was in a poly relationship sometime ago for the most it went well until the end. Since ive been with Arianna I have not giving it a thought, and I think it would add stress to Arianna as well. It would not be fair to take time away from her.

What got me thinking about Poly , I received an email from a Slave who has been searching for sometime , in hopes of finding the right one, but unfortunately for what ever reason it is very hard to find a good Dom or Master, the same being with a Slave. To most it seems to be only a fantasy, and more troubling a way to abuse someone and they think that is what the lifestyle is about, or they just do not care.

I have never been able to figure out why there are so many fake people in the lifestyle, for a fake Dom they see submission as a weakness, they prey on the submissive, and they also prey on their problems. A Fake Submissive or Slave I think is a little different so maybe the word Fake does not apply. To some I believe it is a fantasy but once they get a feel of the lifestyle, it’s like fuck this shit I am gone.

My thinking was although I am not poly, and to live in a poly household does not mean you have to be Bi, but for a new Slave looking for a home, I think this is a very good idea. To find a home that is already in place, well structured, and no drama. In anything we do we have to have a starting point. Once established you then begin your search, let the Dom do the interviewing.

The Gorean house is a very well structured home with rules and guidelines. Most Gorean homes have more than one Slave and each Slave has their owned duties and task. The Gorean lifestyle is not sexually based, and for the most BDSM is not supposed to be but somewhere down the lines things got pretty fucked up.

I have known a few poly homes who have taking in a slave, this allows the slave to grow, offers a well structured environment, rules and to be part of a family while your search continues. This also keeps the Slave out of harms way.

This is just my opinion and nothing more. Just like a Gorean home a poly home task are giving out everyone has their own job to do. In some cases it can take the work load off of a Slave. If a Slave works full time and she has to come home and do her daily chores and take care of her Master, at times it would be nice to have another Slave there to be able to pick up any extra slack.

I believe if I was a female and a single Slave I would take that fork in the road just to avoid all the trouble and stress.

Vile

Your A Slave Seeking A Master

This is probably one of the hardest task you will even endure in your life. This is probably one of the task you will make the most mistakes while you are searching.

I am not here to brag about who or what I am, I am okay with myself, I know who I am, I know what I am about, most of all I know what I need from my partner and out of life.

The hard cold fact if you put 100 Dominants side by side and you had to guess who were true to the lifestyle and lived it daily what would you think the numbers would be? 90 maybe 80 maybe 75 or even lower 50, well neither of those number even close lets say 3 or 4 . Now don’t spit your drink out just yet, because you can hit a bad snag and the numbers could drop even lower.

A while back I had a post similar to this and a woman disagreed with me when I said a Dominant should not mind providing references, be it old flames , people in the lifestyle, what local events he attends, the list goes on and on. There is nothing wrong with asking these questions.

The female who disagreed with me I was okay with her answer, everyone has a difference of opinion. Okay you meet a vanilla guy you go out to eat, a movie, maybe the beach at night, maybe you go to church together, or he invites you over to meet his parents. That is the Vanilla world.

Meeting a potential Master is not like meeting your AC man. You are meeting someone who is or could have full control over your life. You are meeting someone who could take away all of your rights. I am not speaking about those who are submissive, but it still goes along the same lines.

Most of all never let a New Dominant try to put a collar on you the first meeting, this is nothing but ego, would you marry him on your first date I would think not.

First things first Bondage can be very dangerous , impact play can be very dangerous, breath play can be deadly, again you are not meeting the preachers son who was introduced to you through your parents.

People die every year from S & M play, you do not die from eating a banana split sitting outside of Dairy Queen. So to aske questions upfront is perfectly okay.

A real Dominant that you meet via the net will not bring up the subject about sex right away, this is a very bad sign if your 15 minutes into a conversation and sex comes up. At this point he has no other interest in you.

Laying on your back and spreading does not make you a submissive, on your knees with a mouth full of Dick does not make you submissive. Talking dirty over the phone does not make you submissive, sending nude photos of yourself does not make you submissive, nor at this point and time do you have anything to prove. The new Dominant has everything to prove.

I have received a call at 2am a slave wanting me to drive 250 miles to pick her up because she had been raped and beating, and yes I did even after I had told her not to meet this dude, so she ended up with a broken Jaw, and a few ribs.  Rape happens to be very common when it comes to fake Dominant most know the act will go unreported just because you do not want to tell why it happened.

You have to become friends that is the first. What do you have in common, food, movies, maybe travel, flea markets. If you start out in a sexual relationship guess what? That is all you have and it will be short lived.

Here is the kicker, if you are a submissive or Slave who is on any type of depression medication, maybe your Bi-polar , you have to find someone who is understanding, a Dominant with compassion, and most important a Dominant with a great deal of Patience a lot of patience. Someone who cares about where your coming from, what your thinking someone who will make you talk about your thoughts and feelings. If you suffer from any of these disorders some parts of S & M may not be suitable for you, but you do it anyway because you want to please.

If you suffer from any of those disorders you need a well structured home, rules are good, unless all your rules are sexually based. You would be very surprised at what a difference a well structured and drama free home would make on your well being.

Other signs when you first meet a Dominant, most Slaves want and need to be number one, then there are some who do not mind if their Master is married, but if your looking for a single Master there are signs that will tell you.  One being you cannot call except on certain days or hours, or you text and you hear nothing for a couple of days. He will not show you where he lives. He will not take you out with his friends. You do not receive a call on your birthday, or holidays, again the list goes on and on.

There is nothing wrong with asking, what makes you a Dominant? Avoid those who demand you call them Sir at the beginning of a conversation. Being called Sir is respect and that has to be earned. Those who demand such things are ego driven.

Rules are meant to help, rules are meant to put structure back into your life. Rules should not be sexually based. When first meeting someone do not send nude pics, there is no reason. I have never asked for nudes, that takes all of the excitement out of meeting someone new.

In a new relationship I usually start out with 5 or 6 good rules, sometimes less, I take old habits and make good habit, this is the first part of training. as the relationship progresses more can be added if needed. You can implement to many rules and make the Slave feel overwhelmed. We do not want to set anyone up for failure.

Another question that pops up is are you Bi do you like girls? It is okay to say no and that should not be a deal breaker, ask the new Dominant if he is Bi and look at his reaction.

The most important thing to remember is you do not have to submit when you first meet a new Dom, you don’t have to suck cock in the Denny’s parking lot to prove your submissive. You don’t have to fuck on the first date to prove your submissive. you don’t have to wear a short skirt with no panties when you first meet to prove your submissive. I asked that shit when I was in my 20’s.

Take your time and do not settle for less. Your not buying a new car or a house. You are looking for leadership, security, most of all someone who will understand you and takes care of your needs.

Let me tell you this if you do not set up precautions before you meet someone and you end up in a hotel with someone you really do not know the situation could really turn ugly and fast . You might find yourself tied up and no place to go.

Set up a safe call with a friend, good idea, once your at your destination take a picture of the address, the tag on his car send it to your safe call. If nothing else this will make the Dominant think twice. Better yet you can be upfront and tell him what your plans are, he should be perfectly okay with your plans, if he objects any then make other plans for the night.

 

Vile

If You Cannot Run Your Own House

Last week Arianna and I were just relaxing, and she said something about going to the munch, I thought for a minute and said well lets go. We had a very busy day, I had dropped her off earlier in the day for a hair coloring and a cut, while I did my errands later that day I had a few other things to take care off and we were just chilling.

So we jumped in our Jeep and off we went, we do not get out much due to my work schedule so it was nice, even though we had just eaten Chinese food, and we were headed to a restaurant for a Munch.

We walked in and I saw a couple of old friends then a Dom I had not seen in almost seven years, we sat and ordered a small platter that we shared I was still pretty stuffed from earlier.

I sat down next to Master M and we started talking, he is poly his submissive not so much, but he is telling me how fucked up this other submissive was that he had met. Well I had sent him a couple of emails telling him the samething but he just ignored me.

So I start to explain that if a submissive has been single for a long time I am talking about a year or more they are just fucked up, this goes for single men as well, although some choose to be single.

Yup foot in mouth as I look across the table there sits two single subs, then I made the comment about men, oh well I had already said it. I explained myself a little then decided there was no need.

So Master M and I went outside to smoke which I am really trying to break, anyway we are talking and he is telling me about all these problems he is having at home, and he is thinking about moving out.

Her daughter not working, well you knew this before you moved in. Her health problems well again you knew this before you moved in. Her temper again you knew this before you moved in.

Then I began to explain you have to have your own house in order before you try and bring another one into your home. It is not fair to bring someone else into the drama game.

Then the arguing came up, I am like why would you even argue with your submissive, I cannot relate to that so I have no advice. What kind of Dominant would stand toe to toe and argue with a submissive. I said you can’t spank her shes a fucking Masochist, so you either take something away or you hit the ignore switch.

I had sent him two emails before offering to set up a meeting so we could all talk, but both were ignored. He then made the statement he was thinking about moving out. I can see his point in a way, but on the other hand he has come into this submissives home, and changed her whole life, and in my opinion it would not be fair to her.

Today it is much easier to just pack up and run when things get hard, or you don’t want to deal with something. Why work anything out when there is an easy way out.

So we go back in and sitting and I look at him then her and I told him put your fucking foot down and put the bitch in her place. Complete silence. She would never say a cross word to me due to respect. I told him your the man of the house tell her how its going to be and stick to your word.

I have talked about many times about how a Dominant must remain consistent in a D’s or M’s relationship. You have to set time aside to communicate. You cannot be a Master 4 hours a day and take the other twenty off, it does not work that way. If you set guidelines, rules, and protocols stick to your word, you cannot bend or look over things.

I have lived poly before, with two slaves, it is not what people or single men think. It is a pain in the ass keeping two slaves straight, and not getting in between them when they are fighting, you cannot show favorites. To live with two women because it is a fantasy will get you no place fast.

Most who are submissive or a slave do not like poly or a triad, but will go along with just to please. If you bring another into the picture, you have to let the other know she is number two, she will remain number two and will never be number one. Is that how you would want to live? I would think not, even seeing a married Dominant you will always be number two, always.

If you enter a relationship and everything is brought out in the open, and you agree to enter, then suck it up. I hate nothing more than a complaining little Bitch.

Okay maybe I am wrong but a good Dominant should be able to grasp any situation and gain control over it. If you do not really know your Submissive inside and out you will never gain control. You cannot go around barking out orders, and expect to be in control.

So you want the pussy but you don’t want the responsibility that comes with it, you want the kink, but you are not willing to look at the whole picture. You cannot take and take and expect something in return. There has to and will be a huge break down.

You the Dominant has all these problems behind on bills, AC is broken, tons of shit and your looking to bring another in, incredible.

I had invited them over to our home for dinner not long ago, it was the first time we had really had a chance to talk. It did not take me long to decide he was ego driven. To make things worse as we are talking he is agreeing with everything I was saying, but it was going in one ear and out of the other. .

Why do you want two women living with you? Because I have always wanted that. That is not an answer, that is pure ego.  Since I started this post they have since split, I saw it coming, the night we had dinner I told Arianna it was not going to work.

To bring another Slave into the home you the Dominant has to be able to validate your reasoning. Maybe your Slave works full time and you would like to have another pick up the slack. Maybe you the Dominant enjoys pain but your Slave does not but other than that you are both happy. Maybe a third income would be beneficial to the home as well. The list just goes on and on.

Is it possible to love more than one, well I am not so convinced , being in an M’s relationship Master and Slave the Dominant has to devote a great deal of time, even when your not up to it. Most Slaves in general are really possessive, and do not have a very high tolerance when it comes to jealousy. So you have to think if it would be fair to bring another in.

Now if you turn the tables, and lets say the submissive is a Masochist but her Dominant is not, and the submissive wanted to bring in another Dominant, he would go nuts, because in a mans mind it does not work that way.

Maybe you met a submissive, and as your relationship grew the submissive found out they wanted to move forward, from being a submissive to a slave, yes there is a huge difference. So now the Dominant has to be able to change up the game a little. If you truly care this would not be a problem, but if your in it just for the kinky sex, it will become more of a burden and the Dom will want to move on.

In the lifestyle we change what were not needs before become needs. I know I am always thinking of different things to try. The key is being able to wait out your search and find someone your compatible with.  Think with the right head and you wont be wrong. If you think with your Dick your relationship is doomed.

Arianna is interested in Hypnosis , I have never giving it much thought, but because she is, I have been doing a great deal of study, on the subject. Last week I even invited a hypnosis to our home who is in the lifestyle.  It was a good meeting and it went very well.

I had even had a few write what is called an induction letter for me, then after reading and having somewhat of an understanding of what the word effects were I wrote my own. After letting Arianna read it she asked if I wrote it, well as a matter of fact I did, she was really impressed. The letter is to draw someones attention, and by using key words that will cause triggers. The letter to some will make no sense, and to some it will have no effect. To those who are easy to put under the letter can have a huge effect.

We will have the hypnosis over again soon, he was very nice, did not try and get to personal, he was able to put Arianna under. Although Arianna is a Slave she wants the feeling of submission to be an on going feeling, she wants to feel more Slaveish.

So she has an interest in this subject and I care enough to do something she likes. That is the way a relationship is suppose to work. You have to think outside of your pants.

Vile

Aftercare And Being Proactive

Aftercare BDSM

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This article is about the sexual practice. For other uses, see Aftercare (disambiguation).

This article needs additional citations for verification. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. (July 2007)

In the context of the sexual practice of BDSM, aftercare is the process of attending to one another after intense feelings of a physical or psychological nature relating to BDSM activities.

BDSM experiences can be exhausting; and drain the participants of mental, emotional or physical energy. As a result, one or all participants may require emotional support, comfort, reassurance, and/or physical tenderness. Along with this, he or she may experience everything from an exhilaration to traumatization. Aftercare also may include a review or “debriefing” of the activities from experiences of both the dominant and the submissive.

Some participants may wish to be left alone or have other means of processing the experience. While the desire to be left alone could stem from just needing rest, it could also result from no longer feeling safe in the current environment or situation.

Common aftercare practices may include hugging, kissing, hair-stroking, cuddling, words of praise or gratitude, or general affirmation of an emotional bond between partners. Occasionally, more “vanilla” sexual activities such as intercourse or oral sex following an intense scene may also be considered as part of aftercare.

It is often thought in a submission/dominant relationship, only the submissive requires aftercare following BDSM activities. However, a dominant may require less, just as much, or more aftercare depending on the scene, person, experience level, and other factors. The role of submissive or dominant is unrelated to the amount of aftercare someone needs and should not be thought of as a metric in this regard.

In long distance relationships, a potentially useful practice when engaged in remote BDSM activities is to facilitate aftercare by the exchange of emotionally significant items which can be clung to for reassurance, though success of this depends on both parties’ level of emotional investment in the relationship.

If you sat down and wrote a list about your needs while in a M’s or D’s relationship Aftercare should be the first at number one, not two or three or five or six, number one. Here in a few I will explain my proactive aftercare.

You start playing or maybe you call it a session, maybe your submissive or slave is into hard impact play. Maybe you the Dom enjoys getting rough, but the submissive is really not into the rough play but goes along with to please. If your anything like me my play time can last for an hour or more.

During this time the sub is giving all they have, physically , and mentally, as well as emotionally. We take what is giving and then more. We want satisfaction out of our play time. Sometimes we go as far as pushing limits, just to see how far we can take our property. If we have pushed or maxed a limit we the Dominant gains a high, a rush, the adrenaline starts to flow. I have gotten so excited I have had to take a break so I could gather my thoughts, catch my breath, and the submissive is just laying there waiting not knowing what is on the Dominants mind, or how much longer the session is going to go on for.

After play this is when the first of aftercare kicks in, communication should be the first, asking and digging for questions. We want to know where they are at right now, what their thoughts are, how they are feeling. Talk about any limits that were pushed.  This is very important, we need to know if we pushed to far, what if the submissive did not like something it should be talked about, maybe there is another avenue we can take to make that part of the session different.  Many will play and give even if they are getting nothing out of it, this is done just to please.

Now on the other side at times we ignore aftercare, let me explain. I have met those who are submissive and Slaves who wanted to be broken. I have been asked a couple of times, but I have declined both times. First of all I did not want that type of responsibility. I did not want to be responsible for bring them down and then bringing back up. I am not sure why someone would need such a thing, but we all have our needs, Breaking someone is just not my thing. Breaking a Slave takes time, I have seen it done and it is not pretty, nor did I take part. To each their own we all have different needs within the lifestyle, so I do not judge anyone for their actions. The breaking of a Slave should only be considered if the two are entering a long term relationship, and the Slave must be sure of this. If it is just short term the after effects could be devastating.

We should hold while in the aftercare mode, we should praise, speak very highly of. We should cover every part of the scene, being sure to not miss anything. Okay I am guilty of not going into the full aftercare mode at times, but when it does come to aftercare I am proactive.

Constant praise on a daily basis. Many spend way to much time waiting on theirs to break a rule, or make a mistake, so they can correct or punish. Many Doms get off on just punishing. Degrading, humiliation. More so the new ones who have entered the lifestyle. Reading books, or looking at pictures, many for what ever reason cannot get past the pictures.

After a session or play we need to ask questions, we want to know where there thoughts are. What did they like? What did they not like? Do they want to try something different? We should hold and caress, make the two feel as one.

Proactive aftercare constant praising , when something is done comment about it.  The idea is to build up, make one feel confident. We want to build up their self esteem if needed and in most cases it is needed. This is what I mean by being proactive.

If aftercare is not performed sub drop occurs and despite what most think I do believe sub drop can be prevented with the practice of aftercare. Sub drop occurs mostly when the two do not live together, and the submissive is left alone. Getting together while in a long distance relationship every now and then, sub drop will happen.

The proper aftercare is very important we being different aftercare will vary from submissive to submissive. Some after play want to be left alone for a period of time, giving them time to gather their thoughts and feelings, while some do not want any aftercare at all. I do believe sub drop can be prevented despite what others think.

You the submissive if you feel this area is being neglected speak up, you have this right to insure you are being taking care of, you have the right to express your needs.

I am telling you from experience, if aftercare is giving and the proper amount, what use to be limits will soon start to fade away, what use to be inhibitions will soon begin to fade away. The more we as Dominants care and we show we care the more the submissive will want to give.

Aftercare is a must.

Vile

Sub-Space

The psychological state of the submissive partner in a BDSM scene is sometimes described as subspace or sub space.

The term is unrelated to the mathematical term subspace.

Subspace is a metaphor for the state the submissive’s minds and bodies are in during a deeply involving play scene. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses such as extended adrenaline surges that can cause exhaustion. The mental aspect of BDSM also causes many submissives to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience.

Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence.

Many submissives require aftercare.

Have you ever been high, I am not talking about getting drunk. The word high , the numbing feeling, you were there but you were not there.

Sub-space is reached at times during heavy play, long sessions, and intense. Submissives or slaves are able to reach sub-space at times if they are with a partner they trust. Even with trust though sub-space is not obtainable every time.

Play most of the time is a pure mind-fuck. The not knowing, the guessing. Lets face it, if your going to play you are not going to go over every detail before play, what fun would that be?

The play the mind fuck, keeping them guessing, the not knowing. This type of play is fun and can be very intense. While during play the Dominant should stay in vocal contact at all times to insure you are not blowing by any limits, although you are keeping them guessing safety should be your first concern.

So you have your pet tied to the bed, spread eagle, cuffed, blindfolded, gagged, they have no idea what you are about to do, you have taking away one of their main senses their sight. They have lost the ability to move or speak, their mind is racing.

They feel your hand lightly touching them, your touching where ever you want, their mind begins to wonder their heart begins to race, it is the not knowing.

They feel the hot was being dripped onto their breast, their stomach, not knowing where the next drop will hit, their adrenaline begins to rush through their body, their endorphins are being released, they are starting to feel numb inside and out, they cannot control their thoughts or their fears. Fear is a natural feeling, fear is the unknowing. As you insert a vibrator and turn it on, maybe a butt plug at the same time, their mind is trying to register everything that is happening and it cannot.

One step further now the ear plugs, you have now taking away the ability to see and hear, they are gagged so they cannot speak.

When sub-space is reached it is a natural high, even if they were able to move, they would not be able to. They now feel every light touch be it just your fingers a feather, or a flogger. The wax you are dripping is felt one thousand times more.

I remember at one time Arianna went into sub-space, but she became giggly, her words were making no sense just off the wall stuff. She could not finish a sentence, or concentrate on any thoughts, she was just there.

Once sub-space has been reached the pain factor goes up as well, this is why it is very important to stay in verbal contact while playing.Before if the submissive was not able to take any pain, once reached the pain table has gone way up.

Still while in sub-space you could even untie and they would still not be able to move, in their mind and thoughts they are moving but there is no control, the limbs feel very heavy.

During sub-space if you should choose to have sex and the submissive reaches an orgasm it will truly blow their mind, all this adrenaline, and endorphins has to go someplace.

Yes sub-space can be very intense and fun. The main thing to remember is as the Dominant do not be disappointed is sub-space is not reached every time during play, it is not going to happen. Just play and have fun, if it happens run with it, I guarantee it will bring both of you closer and closer. Trust is very important, once you have that trust you have the world in your hands.

 

Vile

BDSM And Hypnosis

I invited a Hypnotist to our home Monday night , and it was somewhat interesting. There was no kink involved and that is not the purpose of the invite.

The reason for the invite was because of Arianna’s interest in Hypnosis and nothing more. Her interest are mine as well. Sometime ago before we had met, she had seen a Hypno Dom who was very abusive, and he had bruised her pretty bad, but she was still interested in hypnosis afterwards.

Since meeting Arianna I have spoken to a couple of Submissive’s who had either met this Hypno Dom or who had revived what you would call covert emails or induction emails. I have blogged about this before but this is just an update.

While some may just laugh the emails off, it does have an effect on others. Just like some can be hypnotized and some cannot. Arianna is somewhat easy to go under, the hypnotist stayed for about three hours.

There are Hypnosis groups on FetLife but if you do a search they will not come up. It may have something to do with the liability not sure. I do have the link if anyone should be interested.

I made a post showing my interest in Hypnosis mainly due to my slaves interest, I had several comments and everyone was willing to jump in and help, Via cam that is. I started a conversation with one and he offered to write an induction letter for Arianna to read. After I received it I went through it took some out and added some so it was more geared as if it was coming from me. The whole purpose of the hypnosis idea was Arianna wanted to feel more submissive, or slaveish nothing more. Well the induction letter had a weird effect, every time she would read it she would have an orgasm. When she read it while I was present it did not have the same effect.

Hypnosis takes a great deal of trust, I have been doing research on the subject for sometime now. J is the first I have met who did not want something in return, most of the time they want sex, and um that is not going to happen, but J seemed genuine in wanting to help.

Once someone is hypnotized you can implant key words, triggers or power suggestions , so once awake you can use the key words to get the reaction your looking for. Arianna’s interest again is the need to feel more submissive, only she will know when she reaches that state. In my eyes she is the perfect Slave.

So we are going to plan one more session for sure maybe two. The first session was putting her under. I have no interest in asking any questions, or trying to get into her past, I pretty much know everything anyway.

The next session will be geared more towards BDSM the power of submission, and we will see if we are able to reach our goal, if yes then that would be awesome, if no well then it was fun anyway.

J had told me that he thought I wanted it to benefit me , such as maybe I wanted anal sex, well that is not the case because I get the ass anytime I want without question, I get head anytime without question as a matter of fact I get asked once or even twice a day if she can give me head. Sex is not my goal I get sex anytime. My goal is to help Arianna. I cannot see where she needs to be more submissive, but again this is her train of thought. I can understand why someone would not feel submissive 24/7 but maybe it is a need.

Now before you start thinking of all kinds of kinky shit, if you do hypnotize someone they are not going to do anything that will go against their morals, or something that would get them in trouble.

The mind is a powerful machine, some can be put under while some cannot be. A good way to find out if your submissive can be put under, try putting together an induction letter. Make sure it is long meaning more than one page. Make the induction letter fit the two of you, with your own key works, or trigger words. In the induction letter your trigger words should be repeated throughout so they are concentrating on your triggers. Have your submissive read it two or three times a day.

Putting someone under is really not that difficult, the main thing is making sure they are relaxed, eyes closed and you begin with a story, a place they would like to be. This can take anywhere from 15 minutes to a half hour. There is much more to it but this is just the basic’s

I believe hypnosis can be beneficial in a relationship. Helping one to set their fears aside, or being more productive, maybe even help some with depression, shrugs who knows the limits.

We will see how things go this could be fun.

Vile

Maybe I Am Not The Right Dominant For You

I have heard this statement before not to often but have heard it in the past. I can say the only time I have heard it is when the Dominant has to put a little effort into the relationship.

A lot of subsmissive’s or Slaves come with some baggage, I did not say all but some do. Be it past relationships, maybe they suffer from depression, it could really be a number of things. As we enter the relationship we do not enter it blind.

When a submissive or Slave first meets a new Dominant for what ever reason they lay their whole life out on the table, giving up to much information to soon. I am not saying don’t be honest but you should wait a while before you let someone totally into your life.

If you have been honest and upfront with your new Dominant then he does not come into the relationship blind he has a good idea what he is getting into. He then comes up with a plan of action on how to handle things. If a Submissive or Slave has baggage that I will call deep, meaning maybe they suffer from depression, maybe bi-polar which seems to be common, maybe there is a link maybe not, but for an inexperienced Dominant to enter such a relationship is not a very good idea, maybe he should just bow out gracefully, instead of just jumping into the water.

We are not knights on a white horse. We are looking for the same thing, a true commitment , a partner. We cannot fix you, we can offer advice and guidance from past life experiences , we can offer communication, love, and understanding.

It is wrong for a Dominant to enter a relationship knowing there may be some hurdles and not be willing to stick it out. What you do in the end is cause more damage.

I have a friend who is in the same situation he entered a relationship knowing everything. His submissive has on going health problems, suffers from depression, among other things, but he was willing to take the next step.

While in the relationship he was looking for another submissive, his dream to live with two women. To each their own I have done it. It is not all that, and many more problems can pop up. It works for some, while it does not work for others.

So he has bitten off more than he can chew. The words were I love you but maybe I am not the right Dominant for you.

Okay those words face to face run deep, I cannot imagine after a year someone hearing these words. She does need a lot of care, he knew this, she does require protocol he knew this, she does require rules, he knew this, she does require structure again he knew this. She is somewhat of a Masochist he knew this. So he did not enter the relationship blind.

A good Dominant is able to conform to most any type of situation. A good Dominant is able to guide, and lead. It is wrong to lead someone on, and just walk away when the fire gets to hot.

So you have to spend an hour of your day contributing something to the relationship, so you have to spend time making sure your rules are followed, the task you have giving for the day, an hour a day out of your precious time.

Your getting everything you could ever want, without question, but a few hurdles come up then your ready to leave. Wow your going to leave because it takes to much of your time to put a little into a relationship . Even in a D’s or M’s relationship it has to be give and take. You cannot take and take and take and not be expected to give anything in return.

So man up , this is the way it is going to be, my way or no way. I run this fucking house and this is what your going to do. Choices and Consequences.

What happened was he found someone who he thought would fit in their little family, then his submissive had somethings going on, a few hurdles, now he thinks the grass is greener on the other side. The truth is once you jump the fence and your not willing to put any effort into the relationship, you are going to get the same results.

Although I have been Dominant for as long as I can remember, being a Dominant 24/7 is no easy task. It can be mind boggling , confusion at times, but we must never show that we may have concerns or problems. We must show we are in full control at all times. We must show we are a leader in private and public, we must show we are honest and we live by the truth no matter the consequences. We have put a label on our self, now we have to stand tall and show just how we are and what makes us this way.

Saying the words Maybe I am not the Right Dominant for you, shows weakness, it shows you are not in control, or you just do not care.

Vile

Check out this blog

Lea Barrymire

Who is an awesome writer has a blog called http://leabarrymire.blogspot.com/2013/08/demystifying-male-29.html.

This is a part where women can ask men questions about anything. Four Men from all different walks of life, thus you get four different answers, you pick the one you like. We are a no holds barred group and we tell it like it is.

Lea has taking a couple of weeks off, due to work and life, so I did what any good friend would do, I offered to step in and do the blogging for a short time, or until she gets enough complaints about me, and I get fired.

I do enjoy the interaction with people with them asking questions, but shall see how it turns out. Oh you can also post questions Via my email and leave your name out, or I believe she has set up a way to ask questions anomalously. Either way  it will be fun.

Also check out her Facebook https://www.facebook.com/lea.barrymire.

I’m editing Mr. Vile’s latest ‘Dear Vile’ and it’s spank-tastic. 😛 If you missed his debut blog about dealing with a non-dominant spouse when you’ve figured out you’ve got a submissive streak come on over and check it out.http://leabarrymire.blogspot.com/2013/08/your-husband-is-not-dominant.html

Feel free to post and ask questions, lets get the ball rolling…

Vile