What I want , What I get

I consider myself one of the luckiest men, husbands , Dominant, and Master in the world.

Time has really flown by what seems like eight months to me seems like eight days. I remember the first time I met Arianna for the first time in my life I was speechless, then when she exited the car, I was thinking Fuck Me. She was and is still very hot, a body built for sin.

So I took a deep breath whew, and walked up and introduced myself thinking I do not have a chance in this life time, but my head held high I spoke with confidence, taking in every word she said. My eyes wondered up and down just taking in her firm body, her beautiful eyes and smile. I was thinking there is noway she can be as nervous as I am.

Getting her to meet me was a challenge as well, she had just ended a relationship with an older Dominant. They never went anyplace, he never took her out and was an old 55 as she puts it.

Then I received her second email, and she began to explain her feelings about older men and she was just not sure if I would be able to keep up, not sexually but in general. Finely she agreed to meet me. The first meeting was a couple of hours talking and getting to know each other. She said she had to leave and she would text later.

Okay it is done no way no how it was good while it lasted. I just and watched her car vanish. I swear all I was thinking about was watching her get out of the car, blood rushed down to my dick so fast I got dizzy. Fucking WOW.

An hour passed and nothing, two hours and nothing, okay I will text her. So I hope you made it home safe, it was good to meet you, and I fully understand if I am not your type. I waited what seemed like a life time, then a text. Can I come over tomorrow? I almost dropped my fucking phone.

It was about a week and Arianna was staying at night getting up and going to work. I felt good, I felt alive again, it had been two years since my last break up. I had dated in between, but really met some wacko’s , I was beginning to think well just fuck it your doing good alone now, no worries.

I had been in a state of depression for sometime, I suppose due to my last relationship. I had lost that drive, I had lost that caring part, you know fuck it.

Arianna sparked something deep inside, I felt like a plant that had not been watered for a very long time, then I was sit outside in the rain, what an awesome feeling. I could now breath.

Everyone comes with some baggage, everyone has some problems , so we have to decide if this is a trail we want to take. Do we want to explore this avenue? Do we want this type of responsibility? I did do a lot of inner searching and my conclusion was yes this is something I can do. Although I had said before I wanted no part of a micromanaged relationship. What changed my mind is how well we clicked, the communication. Most of all how well Arianna’s training was progressing.

Arianna emailed her Ex Dom to inform him once again it was over and she would not be back. The return email was not so friendly, You fucking whore, you fucking cunt, what a slut you are, you are worthless. I own you until this date then you are released.

I was thinking WOW really this is coming from a 55 year old Dom you had 30 years of experience.

So I emailed the Kind Sir, his first email was pretty nasty, but my reply was calm, and after a few he had calmed as well. I stated that BDSM must be different where he lives because where I am from Dominants do not act in the manner he was acting. I also stated that I thought in order for someone to be released one had to be collard and it was my understanding Arianna had never been.

Can I come back over tomorrow, yea I almost dropped my phone, I waited about five minutes before I replied. Um yea sure you can we will see where things go, and how we get along. We spent the next couple of hours texting, I remember I could not sleep at all that night, I just tossed and turned my mind was racing 200 miles an hr.

What I wanted was the whole picture, like before I was not going to bend or give in and settle for less like I had in the past. Pussy was to easy to come by and I wanted more. I wanted to settle down with not one, but the one.

I wanted a partner first off, a Slave someone who had a slaves heart, someone who had the need to be a slave. I wanted a best friend. I wanted a slut, a whore all rolled into one. I wanted someone with little to no inhibitions , someone who was open to new things, an open mind. I wanted a Slave who was willing to give up full control.  I wanted someone who wanted an open line of communication, someone who would listen and I knew they were.

Bamm it happened on her second visit I knew this was the one. I could almost read her mind, I knew what she was going to say before she spoke. I knew without a doubt she was the one.

I went into great detail about what I was looking for, I left no card unturned, I explained I would not bend nor would I give in, it was Viles way or no way. She agreed she wanted to see where things would go but wanted to move slowly. I knew right then it was game on. I only had but one thing to do, and that was to prove who and what I was.

First I started introducing her to others I knew in the lifestyle, kinda like references if you will. I wanted to make Arianna feel more comfortable , knowing that she was with someone who really knew what they were doing. Then the key was to stay consistent on a daily basis.

I remember the first time I offered a collar and she declined. It really blew my mind, but I did not let it bother me, she just explained she was not ready. After a month or so she asked me if she could wear my collar. I knew then we were headed for a lifetime relationship.

What some fail to see is anyone could have a total life of bliss, a relationship that is a true sign of perfection.

Why argue? No one can give me a reason why two people would argue. Over Money? Jealousy? To controlling ? Spending to much money ? Are these valid reasons to fuck your day up or a couple of days.

Your woman should be your only concern, your woman should come first before anyone. You as a man or Dom should never raise your hand out of anger, you should never call out names out of anger. You the Dominant should be in full control at all times.

One should never push limits to the breaking point. Most Dominants will try to push or go beyond ones limits, why? just because it is there.

So what I wanted. I wanted a Slave not a Submissive, I wanted a Slave. I wanted full control. I wanted loyalty no questions asked. I wanted a one on one relationship no questions asked. I wanted a Slave who would follow my house rules, my protocols , my dress codes. I wanted someone who was smart, intelligent, I wanted a Slave who could and wanted to communicate, one that could express her feelings. I wanted a Slave I could confide in. I wanted a Slave who would voice her opinion if I was about to make a mistake, that I value more than anything. I did not want a house keeper, nor a cook. I did not want someone to do my laundry.

What do I get ? Everything a man could dream of.

Vile

Tish and I

Going on a month, it is really hard to believe I have found someone I can connect with on all levels. The communication has never been better, and pretty much the same kinks.

As far as the BDSM goes Tish has always been a pleaser, and was willing to except most anything to gain acceptance from another,even if it meant pain. I have almost gotten her to the point , to know it is okay to say it hurts.

Tish is more into the B&D part of the lifestyle more so than the S&M although she has experienced both. She has been looking for someone , that she could trust enough to give up total control, someone with a lot of patience.

Tish can be very emotional at times , but I have found with communication, and understanding her more and more, it can be worked out.

Out of the blue yesterday I received a couple of emails from her Ex Dom, who I call Goober, while he was not as rude as he has been in the past, he continued to put all the blame on Tish for their relationship not working. While I did not discard everything he said, I did pay more attention to Tish and her behavior, and so far I have seen nothing true about the way he describes her. Maybe it is because I do have more patience , and I may be a bit more understanding.

He had told Tish he had been in the lifestyle for some twenty years, and she took his word. The emails he has sent me, and our conversations I would say less than two years. He still has not fully grasped the concept of what a D’s relationship is about. One of the things that did catch my eye was the quote. You must take my pain in order for you to show appreciation .

I believe in my younger years I may have something to the same effect. I do know when I was younger I was ego driven, and very self centered , and it was all about me.

We all come with some form of baggage, some is worse than others. So we have to determine the amount, and then the amount we are willing to except. Once we have made a commitment, then we as Dominants must continue to be consistent, keeping our word, and following through with punishment if needed, but at the same time giving positive reinforcement . One has to be able to point out more good than bad. If we spent our day just watching and hoping one would break a rule, how would that effect the sub/slave…

Even if a rule is broken, it must be explained, why the sub/slave is going to be punished. Immediately after the punishment, aftercare should kick in, and begin the conversation with something positive. One negative should equal one positive.

Last night I asked Tish if she had looked over the rules I had sent her, her answer was no, she had not had time. So I had her stand in the corner and read them to me. I do not expect her to learn them word for word, that is just insane, fuck I cannot even remember them, why would I expect her to. What I sent was tailored towards Tish, and no one else . It took me roughly two weeks to put together a set of rules to fit her needs. I did as she asked.

I cannot see nor do I understand how any Dominant could meet a submissive, and hand out a ton of rules the first day of meeting. In most cases the rules are sexual. and really has nothing to do with the submissive.

More to come.

Vile

We as Dominants need to have Patience

Patience is the key, patience can unlock most any door. I believe among Dominants Patience is the greatest asset we have when it comes to a relationship. Patience is expected from us because we are held to a higher standard. Patience allows us to gain trust, patience is a communication opener.

I posted last week, that I had exchanged several emails from Tish’s last Dom. The email exchanges were pretty nasty on his part. He spent much of his time bad mouthing Tish and her problems, which in fact are not really problems. Why? The keyword patience.

I did not know what I was doing, I did not have a clue about the lifestyle, I did not understand Tish. The two of us would never work. I was stupid. I would never be able to handle Tish. Tish is to emotional blah blah blah.

After a couple of emails, he saw I was not going to fall victim to his childish ways, he became more polite, and calm. He then admitted maybe I would be good for her, just maybe I did understand her more than he thought.

Patience and control is something we as Dominants must be consistent with, just as the rules we lay out and expect to be followed. Both is how we gain trust and respect.

Yesterday Tish and I went for a walk, I have walked more in the past four days than I have in four months, anyway someone I knew said hello so I walked over, he asked how I was doing, and someone visiting him was making rude remarks to Tish, I ignored him Tish did as well, I looked at the source. The fact of the matter was, he was going to jack off thinking about Tish, and I am the one fucking her, so his words really meant nothing.

After she left, I walked back over and confronted him. I told him what a piece of shit he was. I told him you cannot even afford the jeans she is wearing, and I have seen the women you date. Next time I would not be so nice. He apologized and assured me it would not happen again. It pissed me off, but in front of Tish I maintained control, I did not blow up.

Tish does get emotional, that is her, so being there for her, being able to communicate, showing patience has really gone along way.

The Ex Dom would tell her, not to email him when she is emotional, or talk, because she did not know what she was saying, when in fact this was the time the truth was coming out, and it was the time to listen. The more one listens the more one understands.

Patience is suppose to be one of our key traits. We are suppose to listen, even when we do not want to, no matter how small we think the subject is, this is an agreement we have made.

All to many times we spend to much time telling one what they want to hear, instead of being truthful. We think with our little head, and not the one with the brain.

Not one of you can give me an example , on why two people should argue. scream at each other, or fight. I have asked that question many times, and I have never gotten an answer. Why? there is no reason, most do not think before they speak. If you think about what your going to say before saying it, if it sounds bad, change the wording up.

A couple of people who follow me have emailed Tish, and she will tell you, what I write is me 100%. I walk the walk,and talk the talk. hmm is that the right wording? You get what I am saying.

Patience is the Key.

Vile

A Starving Tish

Three weeks and counting, it seems like we are just in the flow of things now. Our communication is like no other.

I set time aside every night to just talk. This is free time to say what ever is on her mind. The subject can be anything, usually a half hour to an hour. It is less stressful when a slave knows she can be open and let her feelings flow. Knowing she is not judged or having the worry of getting into trouble.

Tish’s ex Dom and I went round and round for a couple of days, but I was able to take a bad situation, and turn it around. My emails are now welcome.

I went from being an asshole, to I was someone who did not know what I was doing, I did not have a clue to what Tish needed.  The emails were pretty abusive towards Tish.

Now he thinks I will be good for Tish, he now see’s me being a positive factor in her life. He finely admitted he may have messed up in some areas. He is there is I need any advice.

The problem was while in a D’s relationship, the vanilla part was absent. It was Master and Slave only. Tish does have a mild depression problem, and when she was emotional, his answer was take a pill and lay down. When your acting normal we can talk, or do not email me when your being emotional.

So the other day Tish asked me about rules. You cannot just meet someone over dinner and hand out a load of rules. This takes time to put into place, because you have to learn the slave.

Her man focus is structure, simple task, and a few rules. So I sit down and thought about Tish. I did not think about me. What was it Tish needed.

Twenty basic rules that fit Tish’s needs. The rules had nothing to do with me, like the 128 basic rules. The rules were all about Tish.

Last night we were talking, I like her facing me, eye to eye. She said where is your strictness at. You always speak of being strict. The fact of the matter is, I am very strict, but if I were to just dump a load of stuff on her mind, it would be like an over load, and here comes the crash. I explained she had to not only get use to the twenty rules, she had to implement them in her everyday life. I started with little task. One of the main ones was for her to start going back to her mediation class on Sundays. This is good down time for the mind.

She feels very comfortable being with me, now she is able to talk, and it is just not Master and Slave. At night she likes to be bound, I love the body tape.  When bound she sleeps very peaceful, she feels safe. She likes to be held, and touched, she loves the feeling of being owned, and cared for, knowing she comes first.

As Dominants we have to put our slave first. We have to stay focused, more important we need to stay consistent, which Tish did notice that about me, and thanked me.

Tish’s Ex Dom told me of all these problems he had with her, her emotional break downs, just on and on. I have seen none of these as of yet, and we are together almost everyday.

Earlier this year Tish went through what one would, some trials and tribulations , made some mistakes, a few bad judgement calls, but to me it was really normal because , at that time it is what she needed. Of course all of this was thrown back into her face, when she finely broke things off with her Ex Dom. She would fly to Ohio almost every weekend , and I am guessing that was stressful alone.

All in all things are going well. Better than I expected. Last year was not a good year for me, I went through a couple of bad relationships, my error. When we just want to fill a void, we tend to settle for less, knowing from the start it is not going to work. It is good at that time.

Vile.

A Slaves Trust

When a Slave first meets a new Dominant, she is at her most vulnerable time. The slave has much they want to share. They want the new Dominant to know everything about them, they have the need to open up. The Slave wants you to open their book, and read every page of their life. The Slave wants you the new dominant to except the good, the bad, and even the mistakes they have made. The Slave spills their heart out, lays everything right in front of you.

Can you even imagine, how a Slave must feel after sharing every detail about their life, and the pause, and silence waiting on an answer how they must feel. The slave has no idea how the New Dominant is going to react, or what his answer may be. If the dominant is going to get up and walk away, or will he simply except the slave for who they are.

A slave shares details about their life, they have not told family or friends, laying all their cards out on the table, looking for acceptance. acceptance is need , it is a must. I can imagine how their heart must be racing. Waiting on those words. I understand.

If anyone has met a slave or submissive that did not come with any baggage, I would like to meet them. We dominants offer our hand, we can make everything alright, or so we think. At times the road is a bumpy ride, at times with the right amount of patients it is smooth.

The relief a slave must feel after spilling her heart, and knowing you the dominant has excepted her for who she is, the mistakes one has made, the needs. The slave is now starting off with a clean slate.

Then the breakup, it happens. Whose fault is it, the Doms, the slaves? Does it really matter?

This does not give us the right, to use what was intrusted to us, to use what was shared as ammunition. We as dominants are suppose to be better than that. We are held to higher standards. After all we excepted the slave for who they are, not what they did.

These past few days I have read some emails that has just blown me away. Emails from a dominant with twenty years experience. I have never seen anything like it. I could not imagine myself stooping so low, trying to verbally dismember someone. To break what little was built up

When a slave meets her first dominant, it is seldom permanent , the slave is deep in love.The slave has found the one. That is the slaves intentions anyway. The fact is a slave seldom stays with her first. Six months a year maybe. Any dominant who has been in the lifestyle any length of times knows this as well. Now there are exceptions, I know a Master and Slave who have been together for 25 years or longer right out of high school. So it does happen.

So I have been able to take a bad situation, and turn it around. After a couple of days o nasty emails. We are now being civil. Speaking of Tish’s ex Dom. The reason being I did not blow up, I maintained who I was, and I stayed calm. Once he saw he could not get under my skin, his tone changed. I am guessing at some point he will now apologize for his actions and his words. I did not blow up, I do not roll like that.

Still not admitting he may have done something wrong, or maybe just maybe he could of handled things a bit different.

I wanted so badly to post a few of the emails, but I am not going to drag Tish deeper into a bad situation. Words really do cut, and they cut very deep. While a bruise can heal, words never fully heal.

Vile

I put the blame on no one. Things happen, but you do not use things that were told to you in confidence and throw it back in someones face. I suppose I think this way because when I was much younger, I was guilty of the same thing.  I have grown, I have learned to stay calm and in control.

Today shall be an awesome day.

I spoke with Tish’s Ex Dominant

Wow I cannot believe how touchy some Doms are. I emailed Tish’s old Dom. Why? Because I can, and two There are two sides to a story when it comes to a breakup.

I wanted to take the hit since Tish did not want any confrontation , and now I understand why.. Being her real first Dom, and not knowing what questions to ask a slave will take ones word, and she does not really know any better. Or the same if a male slave has a mistress.

I was very polite , when I sent the email, I explained who I was, and my purpose for the email. and this dude came unglued at the seems.

The first of five emails were to Tish. Your a whore, your a cunt, you never will be happy. You are unable to make any decisions on your own, it just went on and on. As I was reading I am thinking this cannot be the words of a Dominant. Even though he had not put a collar on her, he explained he still owned her until Dec 21st.

Now just a little background , he lived in Ohio and she would fly up from Orlando, on the weekends. He would flip for 75% of the airfare, and she would pay the other 25%. So this had to be worked out before she left.

Tish still feels guilty about getting a divorce, like she did something wrong, but when it had gotten to the point where she was not getting anything out of her marriage, she did the right things. She stays in contacted with her ex husband, which the Ex Dominant found to be intimidating for what ever reason. It was okay for his to be with other slaves.

On Tish’s Birthday her ex Husband sent her flowers and candy, again the Dominant was upset. While I agree the communication should be limited , they were married for nine years and pretty much left of good terms.

I do not have an ego that can be crushed, I understand people have to communicate. You cannot just cut a sub or slave off from the world.

Outside of BDSM there was no real communication. Everything that was talked about was Master and slave. He explained during play, that she was to except his pain, this was the way she was to show her appreciation . Tish is not into any heavy pain, if she gets to that point she will ask, but nothing extreme, you have to get her to that point during play, but it does not happen every time.

So I contacted him, very nice email, on FetLife explaining what was going through her mind, but the reply’s were those of anger.

His training consisted of  having her nude and cuffed, she cleaned his house, done his laundry, and cooked.

Oh and the 128 basic rules which were written by a young Dom in the mid 80’s minus one and a couple added.

I disrespected him because I did not agree with his methods. While I did not agree I also explained , that while we were all different, and I may not always agree, you would never hear me speak bad of another Dom.

Many Dominants and sub/slaves on here that follow me do not agree with everything I say, I am not looking for everyone to agree with me.

Who today is not on some type of anti depression medication. At times Meds have to be changed, When this happens emotions change. So we as Dominants have to adjust, and continue walking forward, if you truly care about someone. A lot of subs/slaves are codependent , most are needy, most need to know they are excepted, most need approval, most need to know when they have done well, and not just the bad when a rule is broken.

If someone is emotional , you cannot tell one to take a pill and go to bed. Prior to considering a relationship these are questions that are asked. We then makeup our own mind. Do we choose to enter a relationship, or just walk away. If we choose, then that means we are willing to pick up the baggage , and take things as they come.

The foundation the two have to build, you have to start out as friends. As our friendship grows, I slowly begin to implement a few rules and guidelines. I have to see which areas in her life she needs the most help with. This should be the foundation of your rules. By doing this you are laying down the ground work, so you can begin to work on structure. Staying positive is very important. You want the sub/slave to feel needed, a purpose if you will.

A D’s relationship is much easier to maintain than a vanilla relationship in my opinion. Both enter the relationship knowing where each one stands. You both know what is expected of each other.

If we the Dominant are not willing to be there when one is emotional, talk to and hold, what is our purpose.

I we have a small group on FaceBook, I posted a picture of Tish. She is really very beautiful, smart, and caring.

I may post a few of her ex Doms mail, but some of it gets pretty personal. I will have to think on that. She also spent time with the Hypno Dom I posted about, who I also emailed but never got an answer. Others are now looking for him, and many have put the word out about him.