You as a slave enter a relationship in hopes of being accepted for who you are, and are promised your needs would be met. It is very important when entering a new relationship that you be upfront about everything, and what you expect out of the relationship. Where you want to be in a month, three months a year and so on.
When you first meet a new Dominant you should take great care with the amount of information you give. You do not want to spill your whole life out on the table over your first meeting. Somethings are meant to be private until you really feel like you are truly getting to know someone.
Information such as a abusive childhood, maybe you suffer from depression, maybe you were raped. So the information you share is very important but on a need to know basis.
I am not sure what the reason is but most slaves just want to sit down and open their book of life when they first meet someone new. This could really have a bad effect on the new Dominant. One being to much information, he could prey on what weaknesses you have shared, or two it could be to over whelming, and he is thinking man fuck all of this.
Another thing that really bothers me is a lot of slaves think they have to fuck on their first meeting, maybe trying to prove their submission, or the willingness to please. This is so far from the truth, you just need to be you, be the person you are. No one can make you submit until you are ready.
In the vanilla world when you meet someone , you spend time getting to know each other, you talk on the phone, go out to eat, the movies. So why would you think a D’s or M’s relationship is any different.
BDSM is not about sex . BDSM is not about you having to spread to prove who and what you are. BONDAGE DISCIPLINE SADO, AND MASOCHISM. No where in those four words does it say you have to spread or get on your knees.
In those four words the key word is Discipline , most do not fall under the last two words at all. So lets put the Bondage and Discipline together , again it does not say anything about sucking cock.
You the Slave are really looking for very little out of a relationship. Your looking for security, someone who will take care of your needs, someone who cares about your thoughts, your emotions, and someone who understands you. Your looking for structure in your life, your looking for stability in your life, and most of all your looking for someone who is not abusive, and someone who is in full control.
A Dominant is in full control of his life public and private. We set the standards and like me my standards are very high. You should avoid the Dominant who is full of drama, the dominant who cannot control his anger, the dominant who cannot control his emotions, and then the dominant with the ex problems. A Dominant leads by example, that is how our respect is earned our respect is earned by all of the above I have mentioned.
I understand where a submissive or slave is coming from more so from those who are single. Most slaves are very needy, and being needy does not make you weak. The needy factor is a natural feeling, but you need to learn how to control those feelings until you are sure you are with the right one.
I myself prefer someone who is needy, someone who is depends on me. I am an attention hound. I like being the center of attention. Most Dominants I believe prefer someone who is needy, someone who is open, and someone who is able to communicate.
We are all different, we all have different needs. You notice I have not said anything about wants. I could careless about your wants because if your needs are met, and met on a daily basis guess what ? You do not have any wants.
I am far from perfect and I will admit I do make mistakes, but any mistake I make is far and few between. I think on a rational level, I look at both the choices and consequences. I look at every angel and everything that could go right or wrong, then I make a decision on my next move.
You as a slave have rights, you as a submissive has rights. You have the right to make demands if your needs are not being met. You have the right to speak up. Because if you do not speak up, you will spend the majority of your time on your knees or on your back.
Why am I sharing all of this information with you? Because I myself have been there, I have used, I have played on emotions just to get my dick sucked. I have played on emotions just to get some pussy and it is not very hard. I got what I wanted washed my hands and walked out. So now I am trying to make things right, in my own way I suppose. Emotions that is a very powerful weapon that can and will be used against you and any problems you have shared, a very powerful tool.
The Collar, the collar is to me very symbolic it has more of a meaning that a wedding ring. Accepting a collar you are submitting , you are giving yourself as a whole. So you have to have a clear understanding of what you are doing and what you are going to be giving up.
It is very important to ask questions, if your answer is not clear ask the same question in a different format, until you get the answer you need. You need to have a clear understanding where your new Dominant is coming from, because if you do not ask, and down the road you now have questions it could be to late because he is not going to change. I myself would never change.
If you are made promises from the beginning , you are explained how the relationship is going to work and what is expected, what your role is going to be then you need to make sure that path is followed. A Dominant cannot change rules midstream to fit his needs or wants.
You have the right to ask to be released, and you explain why your asking, and also explain that the relationship is not what was promised from the beginning.
Then comes the guilt trip, now everything is going to fall on your plate, it is your fault the relationship did not work. You are not a true submissive or slave. The relationship fell apart because of you and only you.
Well that statement could be true, but who was the one in charge? who was the one who was suppose to be in full control ? Who was the one who wanted to lead and you follow ? Who was the one who promised your needs would be met no matter what ? Because your relationship ends does not mean it was your fault.
If a man is abusive and he hits you, he is going to promise never to do it again, but he will, again and again and again, but he will continue to promise and he will promise to change.
Do not let yourself be abused, be it mental or physical.
If you are told one thing and down the road the Dominant wants to change things up. Lets say he told you he wanted a one on one relationship. Now he comes up and says I would like to have a threesome or even move someone else in. This is not what you were told from the start. In my eyes this is something that was planned all along, just waiting for the right moment. You have the right to refuse. Your goal is to always be number one, in my eyes anyway. If the topic of moving someone else in he had better have a good explanation as to why,and why he thinks it is needed. I believe most slaves do not want to share but do so just to please. I would not want that kind of guilt on me.
Shrugs just my thoughts and opinion.