Archive for the Christian Grey Category

Part-time Doms don’t get Full-time submission.

Posted in 128 Basic rules, 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, A Masters Creed, abuse, anxiety, Arianna, Bad Dominant, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Abuse, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, BDSM Slave, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, Christian Grey, communication, control, Dominance Through Intimidation, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Fake Dominants, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Part Time Dominant, Part Time Submission, slave, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used, viledesires62@aol.com on November 8, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

Sometimes I come across something that catches my eye, and what I am going to share turned up on my friends list on Fetlife.  I found the Writing of Master James to be right on.

While my way is not the only way I have touched on many things that most disagree with, when I use the word protocols people laugh, when I use the word consistency most laughed, when I use the word rules most laugh , and that is all good until the relationship fails.

You wake up one morning and now your Christian Fucking Grey like him not having a clue and your super Dom, or King Master you want the title you want to be adored and worshiped but you do not want the responsibility , not really caring what effects your having on someones feelings or emotions, or the lasting effects.

The part time Dom has a on and off switch , but I can promise you the Submissive does not have such a switch. So while you the Dominant are making your demands after a long absents your submissive is faking it just to please you which does not equal submission.

I have also talked about rules having a few in place, you can cause a overload if you pile on the almighty 128 Rules most follow when they have no clue.

I have also talked about how being a Dominant is not a 9 to 5 gig , it is a 24/7 365 gig.  You the part time submissive sitting at home at night watching TV or reading a book while picking up your phone to see if you have received a email or a text , and this can go on for days, weeks and even a month or so.

So looking over my friends feed on Fetlife this title caught my eye and I clicked and started reading. I emailed Master James to see if I could re-post here on my blog and he was more than happy to let me share….

Part-time Doms don’t get Full-time submission.

Other controversies aside, what first garnered my modicum of notoriety on this site, was not my social commentary, my love of suits, my satirical humor, my rope, my photos, or my ideological battles with socialist reform zealots……

No, it was D/s. The fact that I audaciously identified as a Master, maintained multiple 24/7 D/s relationships, led a House, and focused my energy on boring stuff like protocol, rather than the fun stuff that looks great in photos and videos.

To this very day, this remains the staple diet of my inbox. Messages flow in, asking a mundane 34 year old stranger from the other side of the planet how to fix the problems in their D/s relationship.

Well, over the years, one issue continues to be a prevalently central element to the problems people face. And after a raft of recent messages from Doms where this issue became apparent. I decided it was time to address it specifically:

It’s the issue of perception. The perception of what a 24/7 D/s relationship is and what it takes. Or alternately, the issue of misconceptions as to what a 24/7 D/s relationship takes.

The majority of messages I get from Doms, start by highlighting issues in their dynamic. And then asking me for tips on training to fix it, and/or protocols to strengthen it. Whist completely missing the root of the problem.

So here’s my Uber-Dom pro tip……..
The secret to the root of 98% of problems in your D/s dynamic, that are caused by you, and stand in the way of you a achieving a functional 24/7 dynamic…..Are you ready for this?

Consistency!

That’s right folks. Consistency and the dedication required to sustain it.

You can research, read blogs, order books off Amazon, go to countless workshops, and write up the most intricate rules, protocols, and punishments. But all the best ‘how-to’ guides and training programs in the world won’t work, if you don’t have the commitment, the dedication, and most of all; the consistency to see them through.

And this is where 99% of D/s relationships fall apart.

Being on the D side of the slash in a 24/7 power exchange dynamic isn’t a part time job, a hobby, a passing interest, or a play thing…. It’s full time. And I don’t mean full-time in the sense of a full-time job. Those in which you do your 8 hours and you knock off and go home.
When we say 24/7, we actually mean 24/7. It isn’t just a catchy title. There are no knock-off times, overtime pay, weekends, sick days, public holidays, or annual leave.

You can’t expect to be a Dom when it’s convenient for you, and expect her to be a Sub when it’s convenient for you., and call it 24/7…. You will inevitable have different ideas of what and when constitutes convenient. You can’t expect to be able to only enforce your rules occasionally, but expect them to be followed all the time. Humans just don’t work that way bro.

You’re setting you both up for failure. But only one of you ends up getting the cane. And you get surprised that she resents you rather than thanks you???

The first step, is figuring out if you want to do this as described. Because any less and you’re not setting yourself up for success.

The second step, is only implementing rules or protocols you yourself are both willing and able to enforce ‘consistently’. When you pick these rules, make sure they are functional. And remember this golden rule: “Never set a rule, or give an order, that you aren’t 100% sure will be obeyed!” Otherwise, once again, you are not setting yourselves up for success.

With this in mind, it behoves you to start off keeping rules simple and minimal.

The third step, is to be her Dom. And you need to be that guy every minute of every day. When you go to sleep at night, when you wake up in the morning. When work is stressing you out and you just couldn’t be bothered. Even when she’s on shark week and she can’t stand you.

My final advice is, that if this isn’t for you. Then that’s cool. Enjoy having a part-time, fun, play based, D/s dynamic. They are great, and they are super fun. They have clearly defined start and stop times to signal when the game is in play. And they have the relevant rules that only apply whilst all parties are on the field of play.

These types of D/s dynamics are great for busy people in casual and short term relationships. They can also be positive, functional, and sustainable and can provide a strengthening element of escape, release, and connection in wonderful long term relationships.

But make your choice and stick to it. Nothing destroys an otherwise good relationship quite the way a half assed attempt at 24/7 power exchange does.

Because anyone looking to have someone approach life as full-time submissive. While they themselves are only going to rock up as a Dom on a part time-basis; can’t be surprised when the sub quits (or in my case ‘unionise’ and seek collective bargaining power).

If you want a full-time sub, then start by being a full-time Dom.

https://fetlife.com/users/1751801/posts/2818790

Thank you Master James for allowing me to share

The Master’s Creed


Author Unknown

I am a dominant man. I am just that. I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part. Not because I feel I am more intelligent, or wiser. I am not dominant because of the strength or mass of my body. I am not, nor would I want to be dominant with all women. Yet to you, I am Master.

I am your Master only after earning your trust and I embrace your submissiveness. I have looked into your heart and mind and clearly see your desires and passions. You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions. You tell me of the needs of your heart and body. You have given me total access to your soul, and I accept the responsibility and honor.

You are a woman. You are not weak or inferior because of it. You are a treasure to be cherished. We are not equal. I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend and provide for you. You are a woman and instinctively stronger of will and heart. Your belief in me gives me courage and direction. Your strength disperses my doubt. Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts.

We are not equal. We are halves of a whole. We compliment each other and make each other complete. My desire to dominate you is instinctive. It is not to degrade you nor is it degrading to you because you are secure in being totally feminine. We each recognize and accept our worth, and our need for someone to trust and fulfill our needs.

You are sure, strong and proud in your womanhood. You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion. You expect a man to stand strong and be a man. You desire and flourish in the strength and control of a man. In return you present control of your body, unqualified trust and honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart. You submit because I have earned your trust. Because I have opened my heart and soul to you. Because I have listened to your words with my ears and heart and have learned to anticipate your needs and emotions. And because I have proven worthy in your eyes, you have given me the only true treasure of life; you have given me dominance over you.

What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural and the rarest gift a woman could give a man. You have given me complete and unshakable assurance of your commitment to me. Your submissiveness is a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility. I accept this from you with humility and joy. I understand the rarity and purity of this gift. I recognize it is your body and soul, your heart and mind. I dominate you only because you have allowed it. I dominate only because you have allowed me to and when I see your body kneel before me, in my mind and heart you are raised above all other woman, and all the treasures of the earth. What you give freely can not in reality be bought.

Image

Vile

Fifty Shades Of Grey My Take On The Movie

Posted in abuse, Anastasia Steele, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Abuse, BDSM Collar, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, BDSM Rules, BDSM Sadist, BDSM Safety, Breaking Rules, Christian Grey, Collar, communication, Inservice submissive, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Movie Fifty Shades Of Grey, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, Safe Word, slave, Slave Contract, Submission, submissive on April 3, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

Anastasia Steele , Why do you want to hurt me ? Christian Grey for your pleasure and um Mine! Those seven words really stuck to me and gave me much to think about.
Okay so Fifty Shades Of Gray is a fantasy , a Book written by E.L James and meant to be only a fantasy , but it is a Fantasy with little to explanation about the lifestyle or the Role of a Master and Slave or a Dominant and a Submissive.

A couple of weeks ago I saw on the news where a college student was raped but another student , and he did it based on the movie , because he thought it was what all women wanted.

There were rules but no explanation on why there were rules and what they were for. Rules without an explanation have no meaning. Again rules are meant to improve.

Christian Grey is a Sadist , and he said as much he did however use the word Dominant , but sadist was used more than once, the pleasure was all about him , and he thought as long as he was getting pleasure the submissive would as well. In the end it was all about Christian Grey…

5 Thumbs up to the NEGOTIATIONS part BRAVO on Anastasia Steele’s part and standing firm in what she would and would not do. This is something that I have been covering over the past couple of years.
When you first meet a new Dominant, Daddy , or Master there has to be Negotiations , and you need to stand firm, because if you do not the Dominant will just run over you.
Our Negotiations were much the same but Arianna was a bit more Docile. In the movie Fifty Shades Anastasia Steele was topping Mr Grey.

Another thing that stood out in my mind that is not the Character of a Dominant , Christian Grey had a very low self esteem , and he was always second guessing himself , and he would give in at the drop of a pin if he thought he was going to lose.
The relationship was about Mr Grey , and nothing more, he had to inflict pain to get his kicks.

I have strummed through the books and nothing caught my interest but the movie was a real tell , tell , and it looks like there will be a part two.

If you watch Fifty Shades , then you watch The Secretary , both are suppose to be BDSM related but only one is and that would be The Secretary.

Jamie Dornan was a very poor choice for this role , his acting was really substandard , and dull. I did like Dakota Johnson , I liked that plain Jane look a real turn on. The girl next door fit very well, but in my eyes she was over the top dramatic, and a little unbelievable at times.

I was waiting and waiting on Mr Grey to bring up the subject of a collar in the movie, and what it was for and what it meant but that never happened.

Over all I gave Fifty Shades Of Grey a 5..

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Scene from Fifty Shades Of Grey Negotiation

Vile

Fifty Shades Of Grey. What Christian Grey Lacked

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Anastasia Steele, are you submissive, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, BDSM Safety, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, Christian Grey, commitment, communication, control, controlling, Daddy Dom, Dominant, Dominants Protocol, fifty shades of grey, Manipulation, masochist, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Rape, relationships, Rough Sex, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, slave, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I am far from perfect and I will be the first to admit , I do not know everything. What I share is my past 20 plus years in the lifestyle and as many active in the local community.
I have met thousands in the lifestyle , from Sadist who scared the fuck out of me , to totally wicked Domme’s, submissive’s of all kinds real and fake, slaves with different levels of submission, and then my relationships.

I have been with a Masochist I could not make cry , who fed off of humiliation , I have been a Daddy Dom as well. I have lived a D’s Lifestyle , but for some reason I was never complete.
I have had successful relationships that ended well, and I have had relationships that crashed and burned , due to my actions. I take full responsibility for the relationships not working because I did not think clearly or I used bad judgement. I am not going to put the blame on others when it was I who fucked up.

Most of the time when a D’s or M’s relationship falls apart it is the subs fault. The bitch was not real, she was just playing games. She was not a true submissive, she was not a slave, she could not, would not follow rules.
Now the above could be true , because there are some money grabbing women out there who are looking for a free ride , but it makes me think , how many times can someone lay on their back to get a car payment made, or to be a kept woman. There has to come when it just slaps them in the face. Maybe they think that little of themselves.

I have seen it I have done it , I bit off more than I could chew , and it just turned my whole fucking life upside down, and I would not give up. Well!!!! At least not until I could not stand anymore , maybe I enjoyed self punishment.

I have done this before , entered a relationship for security purposes , yea and you guessed it , that does not work either just for a short time.

A D’s or M’s relationship requires a lot of time. You are investing so much , but lets take a look at another way we are investing time.
Lets say you the Dominant buys a 1969 Carmaro Z28. You bought just the hull of the car . No doors , no hood, no bumpers, no interior , no glass, no nothing , what you have is a hull.
So what are you going to do now? You are going to rebuild it from scratch. You are going to make sure everything is right , your going to make sure everything is complete and not done half ass.

It is the same when you enter a D’s or M’s relationship. You are going to build from the bottom up to meet your needs. You are going to cherish and like me you will stand back and look and think to yourself , man look at what I have done. If your willing to invest all that time , why would you not follow the two main rules in life. Choices and consequences , those two thing will either make you or break you , if you break you will crash and burn.

So you have Anastasia Steele, who just happens to be a virgin , then you have the Sadistic Christian Grey who can only get off on rough sex , which I can relate to. i can also relate on being able to channel anger into positive outlets. Controlling my anger took years to learn how to control , but there are still things that can set it off but that is really very seldom and never towards my property. You will gain so much more out of life if you are in control of not only yourself but your surroundings.

Anastasia a 21 year old naive woman who meets a Dominant who has sadist tendencies. The result Anastasia walks into a world she has never known or perhaps never should of been introduced to that world.

The truth is very few sadist will take on someone who has zero experience in that type of the lifestyle. Second most sadist are not Dominants , it is usually one or the other. You can be a Daddy but not be a dominant. Every Dominant is different , every Dominant has different traits , every Dominant has different needs in their partner.

That is why when a Dominant is single and looking , he is looking for someone specific. The Dominant already has a general idea as far as what he is looking for.

The movie Fifty Shades was based mainly on sex , again nothing wrong with that. What happens is those who have no idea what the lifestyle is about and they see the movie , it gives most the wrong idea about those who are in the lifestyle. Here is the kicker , I have had two women send me a message and ask me if Christian Grey Raped Anastasia. So if there are two I am sure many more are thinking the same way , and under the circumstances I would tend to agree.

So every movie has a behind the scenes , movies have parts that are never seen, the public does not have a clue.

So behind the scenes , being a Dominant is no easy task. A Dominant is on call 24/7 , it is not a 9 to 5 gig.

What Fifty Shades failed to show and yes it is just a movie but if your going to try and mock a lifestyle you need to get somethings right.

It did not show the training that goes into building a D’s relationship , it did not show the communication that goes into building a D’s relationship , it did not show the care , or the emotional side of the submissive , like it did in the movie The Secretary.

There is a line that one can cross when it comes to the lifestyle , the broken line would be abuse, and rape. One in five women in their lifetime will be raped, maybe abuse is just as high. One thing that is very troubling very few are ever reported, and the numbers go even higher if a female is in the lifestyle and meets a new Dominant and is raped.

Behind the scenes , the structure , the rules , the protocols , and yes the punishment.

One thing I do not understand is how so many people could take a movie that is Fiction to heart. Many men will take this fiction movie to heart and the hunt is on.

Fifty Shade Of Grey is Fiction it is not real. If your truly interested in our world do your research , meet and talk with people..

Do you really want to live your life in a Fiction state of mind.