Archive for the communication Category

You Want The Pussy But Not The Responsibulity

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, anal sex, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, codependent, commitment, communication, Dominants, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Protocols, pussy, Slave, Structure, submisive, Submission, sucking cock with tags , , , , , , on February 19, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

There are idiots everywhere , and there are people who think with their Cocks as a matter of fact their cocks run their life. If you were to cut the mother fucker off they would be lost.

Why do most people associate BDSM with abuse ? Because of the above the idiots , the retards who want the pussy but not the responsibility.

Those who play the game , those who hurt people because they have no clue, just take out a flogger and start swinging without a care. Those who rape because you think they want to be forced. Those who see Submission as a weakness. Those who want the control but give nothing back.

I have zero respect for those Married Doms or claim to be Dominant. Think about it if they were so Dominant they would be running their house , but that is not the case their wife better known as Mommy take care of them.

Something I hate some stupid fuck makes a comment and leaves no way to contact them or respond to my reply.

FullPotato

There are still core behaviors consistent to all humans. While everyone is an individual, they still share humanity’s foils.
Where is the line between domination and abuse? Are those interchangeable terms? When does the master/submissive/slave relationship change from positive to negative? In-fact what constitutes a positive relationship?
This fuck has not a clue about the lifestyle but has read enough to know there are millions of fucking retards who are predators , those who abuse.
I have blogged about Married Doms probably 50 times or more out of almost 3000 post and not one , not one has stood up and said a word or justified his reasoning .
You who are submissive seeing married Doms and that is cool as long as you know he will never divorce Mommy. He is with you because his wife will not take it up the ass but you will. The minute you become needy he will drop you like a bad habit.
If and when a Dominant takes that step into a brand new world your life changes , it is like hitting puberty all over again. Your thought process changes , your needs change , your wants change, and the type of woman you are looking for changes.
It is like starting elementary , stepping up to middle school then high school , you never stop learning.
I watch , I listen and I observe. I never want to stop learning each day is a new experience . You learn by others mistakes , you learn by thinking before you act , you learn by thinking logically, you learn by taking responsibility for your own actions, You learn by knowing your decision affects two and just not one.
The main problem with a new Dominant is he kinda knows what he wants , he has envisioned the role , the things he wants to do , but his thoughts are purely sexual. He has not sat down and thought the whole process out. His rules are sexual , demeaning , humiliating , rough and thoughtless. He has not thought through the emotions that will come out , nor the neediness , and in some cases the codependency side of the submissive. While thinking about having a slave non of the above has come to his thoughts. The Dominant will become defensive , he will start losing his temper pushing you away , calling you names, then comes the end he explains you are not the one for him.
One of the first things I tell a new Dominant is to find a mentor 1 out of a 100 will take that advice and 1 out of a 100 will succeed. The other 99 will put the blame on the slave because she was not a true slave , her submission was fake.
These guys fail because of a lack of knowledge and a lack of caring. These guys will move from slave to slave to slave and he will find something wrong with each one because he is not willing to put the effort into building a relationship. These guys are only interested in getting their cock sucked , fucking someones ass , just using until she is no longer fun or he just gets bored.
Building a M’s or D’s relationship is not an easy task if you are serious and have a plan. Before handing out any rules you have to know the Slave inside and out. You have to know what makes her think the way she does. Again this takes the want , this takes effort and this takes a need.
As young Dominants we all had the same thoughts when it came to rules . You will never wear panties , you will always wear a skirt, you will worship Master Cock, you will be ready for inspection at all times, your pussy must be shaved at all times , your ass will be ready at all times. Then we hit the Dominant Puberty stage and our thoughts change..
The truth is with a little planning , a little need , a little caring both can have the ultimate relationship but both have to have the need. The Slave the need to submit and serve , the Dominant the need to take control and responsibility.
I run a very smooth home , there are no problems , there is no Drama but most of all there is no arguing. I have more protocols than I do rules , as a matter of fact you can turn your protocols into rules. Rules are meant for self improvement , rules are meant to keep your slave on a straight path. Both rules and protocols are to be followed and it is the Dominants responsibility to insure the Slave follows and he has to let the Slave know there are consequences if a rule or protocol is not followed. In public a Slave is a direct reflection of her owner.
You want sex on demand , you want your cock sucked on demand, you want anal sex on demand. You want everything on demand but you have to give back more than you take. You have to be willing to take the good and bad. You have to be willing to stay consistent on a daily basis. You have to be willing to communicate and listen. You have to be willing to talk to your Slave and not at her.
The question that comes to mind is , is there a such a thing as a perfect Slave ?  Absolutely there is and we The Masters create that perfect slave we mold to fit our needs and wants. We as Masters create our own world , have have the ability to control our life , our surroundings , and even out in public. If you are going to talk you have to be able to walk the talk,,, Hmmmm did that come out right?

Men With Low Self – Esteem

Posted in bdsm, communication, Confidence, Low Self Esteem, Slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , on February 15, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

I was not sure what to blog about this morning , I just left the Tag office two weeks ago I bought a 1977 Grand Prix from my brother and it is in nearly pristine condition. So now I have a cup of black coffee and I am listening to Kid Rock, Live Trucker. One of the best entertainers of the decade. Smart , very talented , and he knows how to market himself. One thing that really stands out is his confidence.

Over the past year ive talked to Doms in the lifestyle who were single or in a relationship but still lacked that confidence thing. One Dom made the comment once the slave reached a certain point she would up and leave because he had nothing more to offer. Why would you make that statement in front of you’re property ?

There does come a time when the submissive or Slave becomes dependent of her owner. There comes a time when one becomes needy. The only way a Slave would leave is if you just done something really stupid.

Although you the Dominant are in complete control there is a fine line you have to walk , your property is watching you , your actions , you’re thinking, how you react towards others when confronted. You can push a slave to the point of no return. The Slave can feel and knows if you have her best interest in mind.

Anyway

 

The bookshelf in the bedroom is packed full of books on how to boost your Self-esteem , you have books on how to pickup women , books that provide pickup lines , you’ve spent thousands of dollars on CD’s on how to pickup women , and you have probably seen a shrink a couple of times , but night after night you end up home alone. You join supports groups with others who have the same issue going on, sitting around hearing how pathetic others are trying to make yourself feel better. You spend thousands going to work shops , attending motivational speaker sessions who rake in millions  , profiting from you’re own problems.

The real problem is not your self esteem , the real problem is rejection , being told no or to get lost or you do not have a chance. Rejection is a Mother Fucker, you become depressed , kinda worthless deep inside.

You go home to your nasty apartment , dishes piled up in the sink , clothes scattered everywhere, you order a pizza because you don’t cook , turn on some porn and jack off imagining you are fucking the chick on the CD you bought , when in fact you could be fucking her.

While I was single I had a small house and older one I think it was one of the old Sears homes they sold in the 50’s and 60’s , ah I forgot to mention it was in the Hood, 99% predominantly black. It was not long before I had made a handful of good friends , this was due to them knowing I was no threat , and I showed respect. There were some nights I went to bed and left the door unlocked.

My point being that is where I lived , I kept it clean , I enjoyed cooking , this was my kingdom.

A few months back my slave and I went to visit a friend or maybe just a acquaintance , but once we entered his apartment we just both kinda looked at each other, the place was a disaster. I was scared to sit anyplace it was that nasty. Gentlemen  this is a total chick turnoff.

Rejection is a Mother Fucker and it haunts some , makes some cry, and some even act like a turtle hiding their head , or maybe a ostrich sticking you’re head in the sand.

Those books you bought , those CD’s you bought , those groups you joined , the money you spent going to seminars , you might as well of raised the lid of your toilet and flushed all that money down , because everything in the above statement is someones opinion , and their opinion is making them rich.

Before you go out stand in front of a mirror and look at the way you are dressed and ask yourself who would date me dressed like this ? You’re hair are you well groomed ? Your shoes ? Are you still wearing polyester from the 70’s ?

My first sales Job was at a Dodge Dealership , I knew absolutely nothing about selling cars , but there were two things I picked up on . One if people drove on the lot they intended to buy. Two the system was rigged when it came to favorites and that is a battle that is hard to fight. You know who has the most fucked up credit in the world ? Cops yup cops have the most fucked up credit and they look at you surprised when you tell them you cannot sell them anything.

Sitting at the table one day a man was looking at a Dodge 2500 a fucking nice truck. I filled out the paper work and his wife was sitting there telling me how much they were willing to spend a month and not a penny more. I came back with the first numbers knowing he was going to say no but she was the one who spoke up and said no. I came back a second and third time , she stood up and said we are leaving while he sat there and said nothing. I looked at the application and I said to his wife you forgot to add you’re income , maybe we could get a lower interest rate by adding yours. She looked at me and said I don’t work I am a stay home wife. I looked at the application again and her husband worked on a oil rig in the gulf. I stood there thinking and I said I am going to go get some coffee , and I think you two need to go to the bathroom and give you’re husband back his Balls. The next day I clocked in at work and the sales manager ran up to me and said stay away from Mr Brown his wife hates you. Wow I really made a good impression , thank you.

Low self esteem , because his wife had beaten him down so much he felt he was worthless. Good for her.

I have had men tell me , man that chick is out of my league. I ask, what the fuck makes you think that? Oh I just know she would never go out with me. Something or someone has drilled this into his head.

You walk into the mall and and you see this hot babe at one of the kiosk and you are scared to walk up and strike up a conversation. Yea the truth is , she is probably  single because all guys feel the same way you do.

The fact is all that money you spent on those books, CD’s. Motivational speakers , you could of bought some awesome floggers , paddles, handcuffs , some nice lingerie , dildo’s butt plugs , tens units and ready to get your kink on.

The truth is it really does not matter what you look like , yea well okay there is a limit I suppose, but 99% of the time it does not matter.

It is about confidence , it is about standing tall , saying what you mean and mean what you’re saying. If you walk up to that chick standing in the kiosk who is doing nothing because shes not selling anything . You strike up a conversation , if you can hold her attention for 5 minutes you are in like flint. This is when you say hey lets catch some dinner. Chances are she will say yes. If she declines remember what you have learned kick the dust and move on to the next. Rejection is a mother fucker , even when you feel like you have lost that confidence , fake it til you make it.

Let her talk , you listen , she wants you to listen she wants to talk. She does not want to hear about your comic book collection , she does not want to know what a fucking genius you are. She does not care about the giant bug collection you have. In fact at this point she probably does not care what you have. You ask questions , find out what you have in common.

Throw those books away , what you are reading is someones opinion and chances are their own advice did not even work for them.

You could decide to go home to you’re cat sit home alone and wonder what the fuck is wrong with you. Feel sorry for yourself , feeling pathetic or you can man up take the panties off and be a real man.

Confidence will get you laid you can forget POF , Match, get like Nike just do it..

 

 

Rules And Training

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, cock sucking, codependent, Collar, communication, compatibility, Dominant, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, MAST, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Protocols, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Submissive being used, training your slave on January 17, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

I get emails from Submissive’s and Slaves asking me questions about training and rules. Meeting Doms for the first time.

You meet on a dating site you send messages back and forth and the Dom hounds you for your phone number until you give in.

The first questions are how long have you been in the lifestyle, you state you are new to the lifestyle but you want to learn. BOOM first mistake you are hooked. You start texting back and forth hes not really asking questions about you he is more interested in what you’re limits are , are you bi sexual ? Do you swallow ? Do you do anal ? What is the shortest skirt you own ? Do you ever go without panties ? How often do you masturbate ?

So after being hounded you agree to meet because you are tired of the pressure. The place is classy probably a Denny’s in the corner . He has instructed you to wear a short skirt with no panties. You have second thoughts but agree after all you want to make a good impression. You are instructed certain time to text because the Dom is busy with work and works really crazy hours and when you do text most of the time it takes several hours to get a response or even a day or so.

When you meet the Dom still knows very little about you or you’re family and friends , what you enjoy doing in you’re spare time, music or food , just the kink side of things.

You are instructed not to make eye contact and you are told to address him as Sir. He does most of the talking mainly because you are afraid to ask any questions even though some of it does not sound right.

He spends a great deal of time just talking about himself , and bragging about everything he has done and ask very few questions about you.

Most likely hew ill pull out a collar he bought at Walmart or petco and throws it at you and you are now owned..

Now you’re training starts you walk out and get his car he unzips his pants and you are instructed to suck his cock. Keep in mind you have no clue who this dude really is, you have no clue where he lives because you do not have his address, you don’t even know where he works, and you are about to suck his dick.

You know in you’re mind this cannot possibly be right because you are seeking more but you will blow him just to please. These are guys who do not have a clue nor do they care about you or the out come.

The most difficult about training is being able to sit down and out a plan together. What worked with the last relationship will not work on the next. Every Slave or Submissive has a different personality , they have different needs and the out come of the training will be different.

You’re questions , why do you want to train me ? What is the end goal you have in mind ? What am I going to get out of you’re training ? What are you going to get out of training me ? Now this next question will stump a Dom who has no clue. What are you’re protocols public and private ? What type of structure will you provide? Do you have any Ex issues ? That is a huge biggie many Ex’s still have a hold on his belt. Am I going to come first ? Will I have 24/7 access to you ?

A few of the first questions a Dom will ask before even knowing you’re favorite color is are you Bi ? Are you poly ? Do you mind if I see other women ? What are you’re limits ? That is usually the first or second question believe it or not. Do you swallow ? Yes a lot of women do not. Do you like Anal sex? Everything is about sex and nothing about you.

To train you is to know you , You say you are a Slave but maybe you are not sure so there are questions that has to be asked and you have to be completely honest.

To train you is to know you , how you think , what makes you think the way you do, you’re habits , the likes , the dislikes what areas if any need improvement.

This should be you’re train of thought , although I have needs not wants but needs , my main purpose is to serve and please. The train of thought should be if my Dom is happy I am happy. Second you have to be sure you are getting the whole package.

There was a conversation about training but you enter the relationship and nothing changes. The only thing that has changed is he is barking out orders and he likes to beat you.  This is where communication comes in you should and have the right to ask questions, you have the right to get answers. If you ask a question and you get yelled and it happens on a regular basis then maybe you need to rethink you’re situation. Never I mean never let feelings get in the way of happiness that will fuck you up every time.

You have to be truthful from the start , if you tell the Dom you love being fucked up the ass and when it comes time and you freak out it will not be good. Honest you have to be honest and not honest just to please.

The Dominant has to be honest , once rules are giving out they are set in stone. Down the road a Dom may revisit the rules and maybe there is one he feels you  do not need any longer. Once rules are in place a Dominant will not change just because he wants to punish you. The truth is a Submissive or Slave will strive to be the best they can be. Mistakes do happen I know this and so do other Dominants.  If a Dominant has enough protocols in place very few rules are needed if any. Protocols are the driving force of structure.

When you first meet a Dominant you meet on you’re terms and you’re terms only , you can even go as far as picking the place somewhere on public. You pick what you are going to wear and how you will address him. Many will demand that you call them Sir. That right is earned after you have full respect for them and not until. Submission is earned not giving. Most Doms who have no clue will try to give you a collar. This shows the fuck is a total idiot and nothing more. The collar is picked up from a pet store or walmart and is just tossed across the table and you are told to put it on, you are now owned lets start you’re training.

I have had failed relationships some I did not care about others I lost sight of direction, or I was stumped and had no idea which way to go. I knew what I wanted and needed but had no idea how to get there. I could picture the type of relationship I wanted but was stuck in first gear. Most relationships at that time were just a matter of convenience. I had pussy on a daily basis and someone to suck my cock. I knew going in it would not last and would only be around until I got bored or she got to clingy.

A dominant is not born over night , it is not something you just wake up one morning and say hey I want a submissive. There is growth , the wisdom, learning to control the anger , and finding ways to divert the anger to funnel it out of your system. Learning words are far worse than being physical. Bruises go away words do not, not that I condone being physical no man should ever hit a woman out of anger.

Observation , asking questions , thousands of questions , Observing , learning , communication , learning how the submissive thinks learning what they think the way they do. Learning their habits , their needs, their wants. Tv , music, hobbies, reading the submissive like a book. Once you have that down you can begin their training. Training that will be effective , training that will benefit both.

You Guys , you Dominants , Masters you can have anything you want , you can have anything you need, you can have anything you have ever dreamed of, it just takes a little effort on your behalf. You have to be willing to put as much time into building the relationship as you want out of it. One thing you cannot take more than you give, if you do it will never work..

Good Info. http://bestslavetraining.com/

 

 

A Married Dominant Will Destroy You

Posted in 24/7, Acceptance, BBW, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Relationships, communication, Dominant and Submissive, Master and slave relationship, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , , , on November 21, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

The married Dom who lives two separate lives , one with his wife who thinks everything is just fine, watching the kids play games or attending school functions , then there is the other side.

His wife is not really into kinky sex, his wife does not suck cock , his wife does not do anal. His wife would think he was sick if he was to bring up the dark side he was thinking about.

The married Dominant is most likely addicted to porn and finds it really hard to have sex with his wife now. Porn is an outlet for him. Now do not get me wrong I do indulge from time to time if something comes to mind, but in my years for what ever reason I have stopped watching so much.

More than often the Married Dominant who cheats brings it on himself , the lack of communication , caring , giving up afraid to express his feeling , or feeling neglected . There is one thing for sure no matter how bad he thinks he has it , there is no way he will leave the security and safety net his wife has built. There is no way he will give up everything more so if children are involved. He will not leave his wife.

The married Dominant is insecure he has a low self esteem. Think about it if he cannot run his own house how can he control someone else.

With the above brings you nothing but drama , his insecurity’s will be passed onto you. He will not trust you, he is cheating and he will think the same of you. The Dominant will demand passwords to all of your accounts and at times you’re banking information.

Sex is more about abuse and at times can be very Violent. The only time you ever go out is the first meeting and you sit there listening to unrealistic demands adding stress to you. While talking you notice how he keeps watching his watch or phone.

The meeting ends either going to a motel or you sucking his cock in the parking lot, yea part of you’re training.

The training starts with you sending pics and short videos , self anal training , and a daily journal which he will never read.

You are just entering the lifestyle and you have this thing called Sub Frenzy , the mind races a hundred miles an hour, you cannot think straight and you are believing everything you are being told by one man.

The first words he speaks is always be honest and truthful never lie , but the truth is the relationship has already started out in a lie on his end at least.

There will come a time when you will find out the Dom you look up to is married. Then he sits you down and almost cries giving you a sob story about how big of a bitch his wife is. She does not understand him, the sex is no good or the most famous line is his wife knows and does not care.

At first everything is going smooth he will make you feel like a princess until he gets comfortable and thinks you are hooked.

The attitude changes pretty fast he will become short tempered with you, he will call you names and tell you how worthless you are, how you are nothing with out him. The truth is you only spend a couple of hours a month with your new Dominant and those times are spent on you’re knees or on your back.

You will sit on the couch all balled up holding you’re cell phone waiting on a text an email or maybe even a call. You text you email but you dare not call , and only when you get to see him in person he explains work has been busy and he did not have time to text you or call.

You can forget Birthdays , Thanksgiving , Christmas you will either be with family or friends if allowed , while he is at home with the wife and kids cooking out with the smiths next door. He will never take you out in public in fear of being seen.

You’re friends are cut off , he does not want you speaking with other Dominants or submissive’s . You will find yourself alone sitting and waiting.

You as a submissive has rights but you do not know this, you are afraid to ask questions, in fear of losing the relationship you think you have.

You will give all of your passwords to someone you hardly know, in the back of you’re mind you know something is not right but you do it in fear of losing the relationship you think you have.

Being a Dominant brings on a great deal of responsibility , being a Dominant means you are available 24/7 no questions asked. That is what you deserve and that is what you should demand.

Remember a part time Dominant does not deserve full time submission , the relationship is not a one way street. Before entering a relationship both of you need to sit down and make sure you are both on the same page, you both have the same needs and kinks. Just because he is a Dominant does not mean he is the right Dominant for you.

If the married Dominant cannot run or rule his own home, how can he fulfill the needs you have , how can he possibly control you?

You are a piece of ass and nothing more, there are no feelings , there is no love and no caring you are a piece of ass and nothing more. I promise you the first time you need him and you call or text he will not be there.

When all is said and done you have lost most if not all of the friends you once had, you can kiss you’re self esteem good by and maybe you’re bank account because he had all of you’re passwords.

You ask for advice but you do not listen because of the sub rush going on even when you are told the situation is fucked up you still do not listen until it is to late.

The above may not bother you , you may be okay with the arrangement and if that works for you then so be it but for the majority it does not..

What do you want out of life or a relationship ? How many months or years will you continue to make the same mistakes ?

If you feel something is not right or you see the warning signs and you do nothing then it is all on you, you have no room to go crying to others and expect someone to feel sorry for you.

Be smart take time , entering a D’s or M’s relationship is a long interview asking questions and listening and making sure the answers you are getting are clear. Making sure you know where you stand and what to expect. Making sure you have 24/7 access.

A dominant cannot just meet you and want to give you rules. A Dominant cannot say lets start training, without even knowing you. Training in the lifestyle is tailored towards an individual every submissive is different there for training will be different.

You want to find out if the Dom is really interested in you ? Stay off you’re knees and keep you’re legs closed, see how long he will hang around..

Vile

 

 

 

There Is No Failure

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, communication, Dominance Through Intimidation, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Humiliation, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Submissive being used, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 31, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

I hate the word failure , I hate it even more when someone who’s the word failure, it has no meaning. When someone uses the word Failure it means they are looking for pity, empathy , reassurance, thinking maybe just maybe I can pull them from the depths  of the living hell , when they are the ones who dug the hole. A screw up on your end does not make it an emergency on my end.

I have a problem with empathy , mainly because most problems are self inflicting. You act before thinking , or you act knowing the outcome but you’re willing to take that chance.

So what if the first relationship fails , so what if the second or the third fails and the odds are if your new in the lifestyle you will take those steps.

The new submissive or slave goes through what is called a Freenzy a New Dominant will experience the same thing. The mind is racing a hundred miles an hour and you will listen to know one. The new Dominant wants a mentor and that usually last about two weeks.

The key word is not communication , I talk to people everyday I do not like. The key word is compatibility. If you are not compatible , no amount of communication will help either of you.

There always has to be someone to blame. She was a bitch , he was a dick. She was not submissive, he was not Dominant.

Just because the relationship does not work does not mean you or anyone is a failure. The wrong person at the wrong time.

There are two words I use on a regular basis. Love and Appreciate each time I look into Arianna’s eyes and say I love you or I appreciate you and everything you do.

If I take I give back , that is something many forget in a relationship we tend to take things for granted , we forget how we got where we are.

It is the Submissive or Slave who makes a great Dominant or Master. Those words are hard to swallow for some. It is the Submissive or Slave who builds the home, who sets the pace. It is Arianna I am grateful for.

Being a new Dominant you are ready to jump in head first, you are the kind , you want to rule you’re  world, You are Tarzan beating your chest. You grab the first Submissive that comes along, you start barking orders, and in a short time your Submissive has somehow become your mother. The Submissive now starts to question you, the Submissive now becomes needy, the Submissive now becomes emotional , the Submissive now wants to communicate.

What ? I did not sign up for this shit, I just wanted some ass , a little head , someone to clean and cook. Just as the Submissive did not do enough research neither did the new Dominant. The relationship fails. It does not make anyone a failure.

Many times when a relationship in our lifestyle fails the blame goes to the submissive, we as humans hate to take the blame or responsibility when something does not go right.

Last month a Dominant whom I had broken ties with contacted me out of the blue , I sat there for some time just thinking about if I should contact him or not. I did and the first words out of his mouth was someone told me I have a bad name in the community. I was like get the fuck out really?  The truth be known he does, he is known to be very abusive, mentally , verbal and at times physical. I have never witnessed the physical but I have the other.

I distance myself from people like this and I do it for a reason. It is not that I care because I do not. My circle is small and I surround myself with those who are positive. Those who are negative will only pull you down into their living hell. Those who are negative will bring drama at your doorstep and expect you to help clean it up , or possibly want you to take care of everything…

That old saying , making the same mistake expecting different results , that is not a mistake that is being stupid.

Being naive is a serious problem for those who are new to the lifestyle. You meet a Dominant , you get the frenzy like he is a god and you believe everything he says and you fall for the bullshit.

Someone contacted me and even commented she is going to meet her new Dominant and he wants to begin the physical training, what ? I am going to assume that she thinks this is okay and will go along with it, the word Naive comes into play when she asked for advice I emailed her and no reply which I am good with. It could also be this is the type of relationship she is looking for.

I take training very serious, training is different for each slave or submissive. Each has a different way of thinking, different habits , different needs.

You cannot just meet someone and start laying out rules and begin training because you know absolutely nothing about the submissive. A Dominant who would even suggest such a plan is just a fucking dumb ass.

You are not broken , you are not a failure , so you are a little needy , so you may be a little codependent, so what if you need direction, communication, rules and structure , this does not make you a failure.

Many can spot these signs and at times use it against the submissive. You are a failure , you are worthless, you are nothing without me, you are a stupid bitch, sound familiar ? This is when you open the door and run as far as you can, you never allow someone to bring you down.

Dominants who do not have any experience or are ego driven use such tactics , name calling , isolation , passwords to all of your accounts.

You are going to make mistakes , you are going to make several mistakes , but the mistakes you make does not make you a failure. The key is to learn from your mistakes and make the proper adjustments .

You are no ones submissive until you agree to enter a relationship, you have the right to say no until you agree to enter a relationship. You do not have to call anyone Sir until you feel the Dominant has earned your respect.  You are in control 100% until you agree to enter a relationship.

If you are in a LDR relationship training does not work , it will not work it is virtually impossible. Most LDR training consist of sending nude pics, phone sex so the Dom can beat off. The Dominant has no true control if you do not live together or in the same city.

Training is a hands on project.

If you’re training consist of you laying on your back or on your knees sucking cock then you need to step back and ask questions.

Learn from your mistakes.

 

 

 

 

 

What Does She Get Out Of The Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Building a BDSM Relationshp, commitment, communication, compatibility, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, FaceBook Vile Woods, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Slave, Submissive, Training Arianna, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 19, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

This was a question posed to me last week while out . A friendly get together , One of my days I am able to get out and be me. Getting together with those who somewhat think as I do, a heavy sigh when I sit down and sip on my chocolate Latte , or is it mocha ? I know it is one Arianna always gets my drink. This week she was not with me , Arianna and out newest addition to our home were spending quality time together . Ariannas mother has been ill and had a heart procedure done on that Wednesday so rest was much needed as well.

I have been mentoring a new Dominant and at last it is someone who is truly interested in the D’s lifestyle, someone who has not only been listening but someone who is taking the proper steps in building a relationship.

There are several things that come into play when building a 24/7 D’s Or M’s relationship.

One being compatibility just because your a Dominant or submissive does not mean the one you met is right for you.  A lot comes into play , you may or may not want rules , your view on kink may be different, you may or may not like pain or humiliation , you may not want to give up total control. If the Dominant you have met has nothing in common with you then move on.

Being able to talk to each other not at each other, you can listen but not hear a fucking thing.

Knowing you have a open line of communication any time you have the need. Knowing you can share your feelings and not be afraid to. Knowing you can share your feelings and not worry about being yelled at.

Both having a goal in place , both having needs that have to be met.

When you first meet a new Dominant be it being introduced , maybe a dating site , maybe fetlife and you both hit it off you may want to see where things go.

One thing I try to explain to submissives or slaves he is not your Dominant he is a man and you are a woman. You have to set the lifestyle to the side and find out what you have in common. The Dominant has no control over you , nor can he make any demands.

On a normal vanilla date the man ask what kind of food do you like and the Dominant as if you take it up the ass? Do you swallow ? Do you get off on humiliation ? How do I know this ? I have been there I have done just that , I have played and I have used and when I grew tired I forgot your name.

Something I never gave much thought about was the impact I would have on someone by using them. I never thought about the emotional impact The impact if they were not stable in life , mentally. A few months or week can have a huge impact on someones life, and many times the submissive or slave will make several more mistakes before they find out they have been played. Then the one she connects , the one she begins a relationship with is handed the task of cleaning everything up, if it can be cleaned up.

What does she get out of the relationship ? I am older than she is I just cannot see what I have to offer, I do not see how I can benefit her.

Here is the tricky part , once you decide you want to take that step and try to begin a new relationship there are steps that should be taken. If at any time you the Dominant try to take any short cuts or look over something you will fail, you will crash and burn.

More so , both have to be honest with each other to a T, you cannot leave any skeletons in your closet. Things are easier to fix or deal with if all your cards are on the table. If you wait and something comes up and it proves to you be your fault or you lied , you are the only one to blame. If you cannot be honest and truthful you cannot be trusted, if you cannot be trusted you cannot build a relationship.

Codependency runs through out the lifestyle not all but the majority of those who are submissive are codependent. Being codependent is not a bad thing that is unless you happen to fall into the wrong hands. I read something not long ago where a submissive said she was feeling depressed and the reply from a Dom was , you just need a good fucking.

When I talk to a new Dominant who is about to enter a relationship , my first words are you’re whole life is about to change. You’re thought process is about to change, the way you acted , the way you speak , walk, act in public.

Then comes the dump truck , that will back up to you’re front door and start to dump. This is when you sit down looking at a puzzle in a million pieces and you have to put it all together. As you are putting together getting all the pieces to fit together you are looking and the puzzle is still growing.

I have yet to figure out why ? Most of the time a submissive will jump right out of the pan into the fire and just start spilling their guts and the Dom just sits there with a blank stare thinking what the fuck have I done.

It is like you have a hundred books in front of you all of them are open, here is the tricky part. Some are fiction but some are non-fiction and you have to be able to separate everything.

Once you have gathered all the facts and you have decided to move forward you can now put a training program in place. A training program that will be tailored to not only you the Dominant but to the slave or submissive. What worked training worked on one will not work on another. The same goes with rules.

As Dominants we have our standards when it comes to protocols public and private, we already have our structure in place and both will fall into part of the training.

I had mentioned codependency and the needy thing , while there are some who do not fall under either, I have found through out some 25 years most are indeed both.

In a perfect world and there is such a thing I know I am living it , in a perfect world there are many benefits a submissive or slave will experience.

What does she get out of the relationship , more so if the Dominant is older and in our lifestyle the age gap is pretty common.  An older Dominant for the most has settled down, the anger issues are out of the way, we have sewn our oats We are more settled and basically looking for the same thing a life long relationship.

Being in the right frame of mind , this is why we must communicate to make sure this is a need and not a want, making sure it is just not a fantasy or a sub frenzy. Communication I call just dating getting to know each other, finding what we have in common besides the lifestyle ….

The Submissive is seeking what most are seeking that is love and understanding, they are seeking acceptance. They are seeking guidance, and structure, and knowing someone wants to be with them because of who you are.

Being in the right frame of mind , truly understanding who you are and what your needs are. I would like to add LDR’s Long Distant Relationships seldom work unless there is an immediate plan for one or the other to make a move. If that is the case you should meet more than one. The submissive should be able to obtain references , check the local community. A good reason just recently a submissive move from Main sold everything she had moved in with a Daddy Dom and in thirty days time he set her out on the street with no place to go.

Training is for the good of the relationship I use to call training a form of Patty Hearst Syndrome, but as I grew older , now it is almost like rehabilitation a total mind reset, changing ones thought process.

You cannot begin training someone unless you truly know them, until you truly know the submissive inside out and it does not begin being physical.

The Submissive should have 24/7 access to her Dominant living together or even in a LDR this is most important if long distance it gives a sense of security.

If long distance know where your Dominant lives, know where he works , what he drives, after all he will want you to be transparent and he should as well.

Once you walk through the door and you drop your bag it is like you have stepped into another dimension, you will enter a whole new world. You the submissive has to be willing to adapt, you have to go in with a blank mind.

On the other side there is another Dominant and submissive, both who require no rules , no structure, no protocols and this is fine because if that works for you life is good.

When Arianna and I first met she was somewhat hesitant about entering a relationship with me because of the age difference. She had a bad experience with a Dominant who was much older than she was . He wanted the play and control but wanted none of the responsibility that came with the relationship. When Arianna first met him she was in a slave frenzy and trusted way to easy. After 6 months it came to a end but we had met just prior to the crash.

We talked or I let her talk because I needed to see where she was coming from and what her needs would be.

If you think about it a Submissive or Slave is looking for about the same thing someone in a vanilla relationship.

Trust , open  communication, honesty, , Loyalty , Someone who will not hurt them be it mentally , physically or verbally.  Knowing her limits will be respected. You can push someone over a cliff and the damage may not be repairable, or you could lose the trust you worked so hard to gain.

A good friend of mine a new Dominant asked the question what does she get out of it and she gets the above , but she gets so much more. Now she feels she has found home, she now feels she can be herself without being made fun of.

If you the Dominant leads with a fair but firm hand she will follow and follow with no questions.

Once rules are in place you cannot change to fit your needs, nor can you add more than one can take. Here are 50 rules and I want you to memorize them and be able to recite them back to me. This is unfair unless you the Dominant can do it. Very few rules are needed if you have protocols in place. Many have made fun of me when I speak about protocols but the fact is if you have in place and you are consistent you do not need that many rules.

If you the Dominant explain in detail who and what you are, then you have to maintain that status, so you need to be careful when you start explaining who and what you are about. If you tell someone what you need and expect you have to be able to explain what you have to offer and how you can benefit the relationship.

I explained the relationship is about me, when it comes to taking care of me, when it comes to sex everything, but I had to prove I would give back more than I would take and to this day I have proven that.

A true Dominant has gotten past the anger issues , a true Dominant is in full control , not only himself , but his surroundings , his home and his property. A true Dominant will drop what ever he is doing in a time of need. A true Dominant will listen with an open mind. A true Dominant will listen and care and find a solution when needed. A true Dominant will step up and take full responsibility. A true Dominant will put you first even when it comes to family and without question. A true Dominant who truly knows you , knows when something is wrong or about to be wrong, and will fix before things get out of hand.

I believe the Submissive should get way more out of the relationship than the Dominant does.

Arianna and I live a consensual non consent M’s relationship but and there is a but. This was all agreed on prior to entering the relationship . We entered the relationship as Master and Slave.

If you are both true to your word , if you are both honest and can communicate openly you will experience a relationship like you could never imagine..

Vile

 

 

Some Do Not Like Me

Posted in 24/7, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, commitment, communication, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Protocols, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Sucking and fucking, sucking cock with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 15, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

When you first meet me , you will probably think I am the most obnoxious man you have ever met, you will probably think I am rude, You will think I am loud and unbearable to be around , but if you take the time to get to know me you will find you cannot have a better friend.

My friend circle is very small , I do this mainly because it is really hard to find what you would call a true friend. It also keeps the drama down to zero.

My way is not anyone else’s way , my way works for me, although if you follow my blog I am sure you can take parts of it and put it to good use.

I have learned I cannot please everyone , what a ton of work, so I am me and only me you like me or you don’t .

Just because you do not like someone does not mean I will have the same feelings.

Master Johnny ignored her safe word during play , Master Johnny raped her, Master Johnny is very abusive. Now I am hearing this from a third-party. I am not hearing from the horse’s mouth, nor did I hear it from Master Johnny.

There are two sides to every story what I will do is speak with both parties ,  the slave or submissive first then I speak to Master Johnny. I am not going to take your word just because you do not like someone.

When I introduce myself I introduce myself as Vile the word Master is no where in our conversation. If you walk up to me and you introduce yourself as Master Johnny and your single , I will step back so I can allow your ego to expand.

Before I met arianna if someone was to ask me what my role was in the lifestyle I would say I am a Dominant. I suppose there are those who need the self title, the recognition , the need to feed your ego.

Arianna is my PR representative , she is now  fact checker like in the news. On the way to an event Arianna will say Master we are going to be in public, I acknowledge the fact then I ask why?  Then bringing up the last week coffee and I was talking about-face fucking, and ass fucking without lube. However she has said I have gotten much better over the years and I do not embarrass her as much as I did when we first met.. okay so I am out spoken I am me you like me or you do not. My fact checker when I say something. I just recently had surgery on my back and I ended up with about 20 stitches on the inside and 29 on the outside, but with me being male the numbers were much higher, so when I gave the numbers out everyone looked over at Arianna and she either nods in agreement or shakes her head.

I feel this is my world , I walk my own path , and it is me who has to live by choices and consequences. Yes In the outside world I have rules I have to follow and I walk a straight line. I am honest to a T , I am going to guess that is why everything always works out in my favor.

I speak my mind I say what others are thinking , however,  I will agree there are times I speak without thinking the comment out , at any rate,  I meant to say it.

i am not prejudiced when I look at people I see one color and one color only. What I am Prejudiced towards is stupid , those who know better but continue to fuck up. Those who work the system , those who want something for nothing , then they blame others when they fail. Then the system is working against them.

I am Prejudiced against the dominant who just use those who are submissive, those who have no goals or goals in life. Those who use and just toss aside without care. Instead of seeing the full picture they spend more time playing a game.

The fact is if you the Dominant wants to build a real relationship you can pretty much have anything you want. You sit back and just picture the relationship you want and be like Nike and just do it. You can implement rules , protocols I am huge on protocols. If you have enough protocols and rituals in place you need very few rules. Yes it does take work but the rewards are never-ending.

You can dress the way you want, you can teach how to talk , walk, sit , eat and act. You can teach the sub how to suck cock, even how you like to fuck. If you are a true leader they submissive will follow, if you get stupid you will spend your nights alone.

I very seldom show empathy , this goes back to the stupid thing , I just shake my head and walk away.

My ex just had a kidney transplant and was out of work for some time still not 100% but she is back to work. While out of work I increased my child support by about 60 dollars a week to help out. I also contacted people about helping refinance the house I lost. I contacted the state about some kind of assistance , and because my child support was not court ordered they state refused to help her even though I had bank statements proving I had been paying.

So I contacted a local radio station who does fund-raising for some , 104.1 based out of Orlando , Russ Rollings and Jim Phillips , I explained in detail what was happening and not one reply , how sad is that ? I sent not one email ,not two , not three but several. These are people who support the community.

So while my responsibility was not really mine I took steps I thought would help. I do not mind helping those in need , but I will not take away from my home. I will not do anything that would put Arianna second , never.

Next time you want to speak your mind do it , people will respect you much more..