Many believe submission is something you need to demand , some even believe you can force submission , while it is true in very rare cases both can be had through fear. Fear is not what you need out of a D’s or M’s relationship , because the relationship in the lifestyle runs so much deeper.
Over the years I have met Doms who ran their relationship based on fear. As a matter of fact there was a submissive not long ago who told Arianna she was afraid of her Dom. I am not sure about others but I would think that would be very unpleasant if that is what you had to look forward to when you woke up every morning.
Hear are a few questions you should ask yourself prior to entering a relationship. What makes you think your submissive? What happened to you to make you have these feelings ? Why is being in a D’s or M’s relationship a need ? What type of Dominant do I need? I did not say want , I said need.
Dominants do not come in one size fits all , just as submissive’s or slaves do not. We are all different and we all have different needs.
What type of relationship is going to be adventitious when it comes to your well being. Do you need someone who is strict ? Do you need someone who kinda keeps a check on you ? Maybe your just looking for the kink in the lifestyle and nothing more. Maybe your just submissive in the bedroom but not while your out and about.
All of the above are questions you need to ask yourself before jumping into any relationship.
I am getting to the Topic here in a minute , if you know anything about me I am bad about straying off topic.
Today most meet new Dominants via the world wide web. I suppose it is easy , it takes little effort and you do not even have to leave your house. However I can promise you there are more downfalls than good, but for what ever reason the bad is over looked for what little good there is, and as many of you know these types of relationships are very short lived.
I would also like to add my way of thinking is not the only way. My way when it comes to the lifestyle is not the only way, my way of thinking is not the only way, and I will be the first to admit I have and can be wrong.
What I am about to say will sound very familiar.
You just meet a Dom online and after you exchange names , he states he may in fact be looking for a submissive, and if things work out he may consider you.
Then comes, what are your limits ? Or maybe have you had a Dom before ? What is the shortest skirt you own ? Are you Bi ? I have not figured out why being bi is so important, and if you say no , then comes the question would your try?
Now these little childish questions are asked before he knows anything about you. Those should be your first series of red flags, and if the conversation continues in the same manner many more red flags will follow..
What I do and most Dominants as well , we like to get to know someone as a person. I myself want to know the likes and the dislikes , what your previous relationships have been like and what happened.
I want to know what makes you think , because in order to know you as a submissive or a slave we have to know what makes you tick. .
What makes you happy , what your fears are , what you do for fun in your spare time.
The above takes time and it takes longer than one meeting. Several sessions face to face. You can get to know someone via the net or the phone , even texting but face to face then you can read someone.
Best friends , earning your trust , you being able to be an open book with no chapters missing. This does not mean you over fill your plate the first week but just bits and pieces. The more you trust the more you open up.
Pictures when I asked for a picture I wanted two , one of the face and one of a close up showing the eyes, the eyes tell everything. That allowed me to study while talking. I am not sure why someone would need nudes if your looking for a long term relationship. I find it to be degrading to ask for nude photos because most of the time one is coursed into sending them. They are really sent just to shut the Dom up.
So the two meet and they hit it off everything is flowing in the right direction and you can feel the compatibility between the two. This is when you start to build and it can be awesome……
The more you communicate , the more you trust, the more you open up. which means the more you want to give.
Now the key is for the Dominant to be who and what he says he is. The key is for the Dominant to have and allow an open line of communication. The key is for the Dominant to set goals in place and insure they are met. The key is for the Dominant to respect your limits and not push you to a breaking point. The key is to allow you to grow and be who and what you are.
Although submission is earned in a sense , it is up to the Dominant to set the steps into place so it is earned, once this is done it puts both of you in a much better place, and it will allow both of you to grow. The more you grow and share the tighter the bond will become.
It is really not science , it is just being true being who you are.
When you first meet it should be about you , the whole topic should be about you and only you. I want to hear your whole life story. …
If you meet someone and ten minutes into the conversation , he is pushing a Dog collar across the table telling you to put it on , you know what he is really interested in
Just my opinion.