Archive for the Mentor Category

If Your Looking For A Mentor

Posted in bdsm, BDSM Mentor, BDSM Rules, BDSM Structure, cock sucking, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Dominant, Dominants, emotional, fucking, Master, Master And Slave, Mentor, pussy, Pussy is not in shortage, Rules, Security, slave, stupid, Submission, submissive, TPE, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Today entering the lifestyle is not an easy task, and if your new to the lifestyle , you basically have to rely on what someone else tells you.
So if your asking a question your hoping your getting the right answer.

Those who are new , the truth is your going to make mistakes, and your probably going to make several before you catch on.
Making mistakes is not a bad thing as long as you learn from them, you may carry some hurt during your travels but it will pass..

So as I have stated before , I believe everyone including Dominants should have a mentor..

A mentor should never bring sex up, a mentor should never session or play with the sub or slave , by doing so it can raise the emotions of the sub or slave, and feeling begin to get involved , and most of the time the mentor is either in a relationship already, or is not interested in a relationship.

I stand by what I said a female submissive or slave should have a female mentor. The female mentor can relate more on a deeper level.

I can tell you I mentored Lizzy for more than a year and the topic of sex never came up , not one time, nor did I ask for any kind of pictures from her , nude or otherwise.
My intentions were good, I truly wanted to help her, I truly wanted her in a better place. It was my intention to help , and today Lizzy is in a much better place, there is still some work to be done but she is well on the right track.

What we can do as Mentors is provide structure, we can even provide a few rules. We can also provide advice , as well as communication, on a friendship level….
Even if the submissive or slave tries to take the conversation to a different area, we should be able to man up and prevent the conversation from going in that direction.

We are not there to rescue , we are not here to fix everything. We need to offer guidance , and give reassurance we are there for them , on an emotional state, not physical.
A mentor should never get physical with someone they are mentoring, that just fucks up the whole train of thought, and it makes us the Dominant look weak.

A mentor has the ability to manipulate you because you have opened up your heart, the mentor knows you inside and out, and he can use all this information against you, or worse get inside your head.

I have a very dear friend I mentored in person, and she was very ill, and also suffered from depression.
I guided her through the steps of getting help, and medical that was much needed.
The down fall she would not listen and she in turn lost some of her benefits, and I will walk her through the steps again so we can get things fixed.
The bottom line is I never asked her for anything even money she got back from social security, that was hers and hers only.

We should do things because we want to help not because we have an agenda, and not because we want some pussy.

PUSSY is not in shortage , so I cannot understand why there are so many predators.
Just walk outside PUSSY is everywhere its like a weed growing wild, and most of the time if your honest about your intentions she will let you hit it. It’s when you lie and play your little games yea I never figured that out…

mentor

To manipulate someone into giving up some ass is no fun, there is no game in it, it is way to easy. It is the thrill of the hunt, and in many cases the female wants to be hunted, but you have to be a man about it…

Vile

If Your Partner Is Not Dominant

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, bdsm, BDSM Rules, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, consistent, control, Dominant, Dominant in Training, Dominants, If Your Partner Is Not Dominant, Master, Mentor, Protocol, Rules, slave, Structure, Submission, submissive, Thekinkyworldofvile, Total Power Exchange, TPE on August 17, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have received several emails here in the last week asking the same question. My Husband is not Dominant can I change his mind? My boyfriend is not Dominant can I change him?

Believe it or not that has been the million dollar question for years.  As a matter of fact Eve was probably talking to some chic because Adam was not Dominant. We all know what happened with Adam and Eve , Adam wanted the pussy.  So no he was not Dominant.

This is really a tough situation you ladies are in, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your stuck.

Well you do have a couple of options that are open to you, but you need to give those doors great thought before you open one of them, or you could choose not to open any of them.  How big of a chance are you willing to take ?

You can either come out looking like gold , or you could look like a complete idiot , and your whole life could fall apart at the seems. So it takes a great deal of thought and knowing what you really want out of life before making that freedom jump.

If your in a settled relationship and your husband or Boyfriend is not Dominant then you have a better chance of hitting the lottery, if you think he is going to change.

I am not sure where your thought process is, but to be a good Dominant does not happen over night, it does not happen in months, it can take years.

Number one most married men will not be willing to find a mentor, two you cannot learn to be a Dominant from a book, I don’t give a fuck what anyone says. You are either wired like that or your not.

Another great factor, most husbands married their mother. You cook, you clean, you pay bills, you do laundry, you take the kids out. Hubby plays golf, and watches Monday night football, and kiss’s you on the forehead and goes about his business. If anything goes wrong you also take the blame. Your his mother.

Another factor, most men do not want that type of responsibility, because then they will have to give you an hour of their time everyday. They will actually have to communicate with you but now on a deeper level.

Having to enforce rules and punish when you break one or two. Having to tell you what to do.

You cannot just say I need to to be Dominant. Here I need to you fly this 747 and Don’t crash really?

Another thing is most vanilla men see BDSM as abuse, and no matter how much you talk to them and try to explain they will see it no different.

That is like asking me to be Vanilla , it is not going to happen, I am me, your boyfriend is your boyfriend and hubby is hubby.

You have this new found submission, you need to be Dominated, you need to feel your partners control, you need to submit. It does not work that way.

I have seen couples get divorced, I have seen couples cheat and lose everything they have.

So you have a couple of options you can take, but you need to take with care.

One. You speak with your partner, in depth, you need to have a clear explanation of why you have these burning needs. Why your submissive now and you were not a year ago.  You need to be able to explain how you being submissive is going to help you.

 

Door number one. You talked to your Husband or Boyfriend and if they say no, you suck it up and just continue on the road your on.

Door Number Two .You talk about an open relationship, you have about a 90/10 chance, but hey you never know.

Door number Three. You cheat, you go behind your partners back and find someone who will take care of those needs. Here is the thing though, if your not living with your Dominant you are not getting the whole. Your only getting pieces, the kink. Your not getting the structure, the security, and that is only fun for a little while.  Then you break up and you hunt again, mean while your leading your husband along. Then you get caught, and you will get caught.

Door Number Four. You leave but you make it clear you have tried everything to make the relationship work, but you have needs as well. You also make sure when you enter a D’s relationship it is someone who is on the same page you are.  The last thing you want to do is look like a dumb ass jumping into a bunch of drama.

When you are communicating your needs to need to be completely open, you need to think about what your going to say before hand. You need to be honest and open. If your not able to openly communicate with your partner, then your will the wrong man.

There is a couple who attends our munch his wife is submissive and her husband is not Dominant. He allows her to play while he is present, but there is no sex. Now this is an awesome dude.

So Ladies which door are you going to take?

hang-up

I love this Pic

Vile

When I Was A Daddy Dom

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, BDSM Collar, Change, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, Daddy, Daddy Dom, Daddy Doms, Divorce, Dominant, fuck hole, fuck meat, fucking, hoe, Humiliation, Humiliation Training, kinkster, kinky, Loyal, Manipulation, masochist, Master And Slave, Mentor, mistakes, Pain Slut, punish, Punishment, pussy, Rough Sex, Rules, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, session, slave, slut, Structure, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used with tags , , , on July 13, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I actually met Bea online about 6 months before my life pretty much fell apart, we did not meet in person until about a month before I moved out.

I had already confessed to my then wife who I was and what my needs were. I also knew there was no turning back I had already reveled way to much information.
Then came the divorce, I had stayed at the house because of guilt, but the day the divorce was final, out the door I walked.
I let behind my 1976 Fiat Spider,my 1955 chevy that I had before we married, but the judge felt she needed it, and the 160.000 dollars we had in the bank account.
I left with a duffel bag and my Yamaha 750 Seca. It had about 77.000 miles on it, and I had about 1600 dollars on me.
Bea and I had met at an apartment I was going to rent. It was beach side in Daytona Beach. A nice 4 unit building, 2 upstairs and 2 down stairs. I opted for the top floor.
Two weeks later bea moved in as my submissive. It was some 6 months later I collared her. We had drove up to St Augustine for sunrise and I collared her by the old Spanish fort.

At that time I was going through some serious changes in life, I still had a huge guilty feeling concerning the Divorce. I had a young son as well, but instead of the 85.00 a week I was suppose to pay in child support, I paid 600 a month sometimes up to a 1000.00 dollars.

During this time I decided to drive a cab locally, who would of thought you could make a 1000.00 dollars a week driving a cab. I also drove a limo as well kinda like an on call thing.
Bea was working part time at a day care but wanted to be a teacher. So I set that as a goal. During our relationship I set many goals for her, because I wanted her to succeed in life, I also knew being her first daddy it would not last.
It is not to often the Baby Girl stays with their first Daddy and I knew that. I was 37 and Bea Had not been 18 very long, yea I was robbing the cradle. Her mom and dad came unglued. It was not very pretty at all, but they more less wanted her out of their hair anyway.

Bea was a cutter, she was a bad cutter, she could no longer wear short sleeves or shorts that were very short. There were times she would just cry for no reason.

I walked in the bedroom to let Bea know dinner was ready and when I walked in she was cutting herself. I just looked and said when your done , dinner is ready. That is all I said and nothing more.

Our relationship continued to grow, now Bea was about 5’2 a little chunky, she had the palest skin I had ever seen, Dark black eyes, and black hair that went to her ass, she was really beautiful.

As we continued to grow our communication also grew, and the more we communicated, the more she was able to release.

Now I was going through a lot of changes, prior to getting Married I was a full blow sadist, Sherri was my first slave. I had grown cold, no feelings and I cared about no one even Sherri. Cherri was just a target, nothing more. The whole time we were together for what ever reason I never fucked her, not one time. There was either something about her, or I did not want to become that emotionally close.
She loved being fisted, once my hand was in I would just pound that bitch, fucking her with my arm as hard as I could. I would have her tied down spread eagle on the bed, spanking her pussy with my hand, I would use a belt, and just spank and spank until it was so swollen, it almost looked deformed.

At first I got off on the humiliation, I got off on inflicting pain, I got off on seeing the pain in her eyes, but it soon became a burden, because each session I had to out do the last.

Before getting married I was jumping from one slut to another, but now I was fucking.
Yahoo profiles that was the shit. I could log on and have a date in an hour. I was upfront as well, you are just fuck meat and nothing more. Today or the next couple of days you are my whore.

So I was going through an adjustment, I met an older Dominant his name was Animel, yup that is his real name. He looked like a pissed off Santa Clause, I stayed by his side day in and day out. My mind could not take in enough information. To this day I consider him a mentor, we are not as close as we once were, but he is still here..

Six months into our relationship Bea has just gotten out of the bath, and walked into the living room , and kneel and said Master I want you to have this I do not need it any longer, and she handed me her razor. I took it from her and I said good girl, and I held her for what seemed like hours.

I had to teach her how to cook, she could not boil water, but that was really no task because I love to cook.
At night most of the time I would bath her, and wash her hair, once out we went to the bedroom and I would put lotion on her.

She followed rules and protocols without question. I do believe I was somewhat stricter then than I am now. Once she was home she had a collar and leash she would put on, the chain ran through the whole apartment.

This was about the time I was starting up my internet cigar Business, which was really doing very well. It was almost to the point I was not going to have to work any longer.

I remember one day we walked into a golf store I was seeing about putting cigars in his store, and Bea had stopped at the door and just stood there with her hands in front of her. The clerk asked me what she was doing and I said just what she is suppose to, we are talking, she has nothing to do with this. When I walked out, Bea was two steps behind me.

Bea wanted to lose weight, not that she really needed to, so everyday we would walk 3 miles, down A1A and back, in the evening just as the sun was setting.
It was almost our 5th year together and Bea enrolled in UCF She wanted to become a teacher, she had really come a long way, and I supported her in everything she wanted to do.
After all that is what Daddy’s do, we want our girls to grow, we encourage growth.

It was really amazon because going on 5.5 years and we had not yet had an argument.This was due to us being so open, and the communication we had, but I also had a tight leash on her as well.
I allowed her to have friends in and out of the lifestyle, and once a month she was allowed to have a girls night out..

I came home one evening and Her demeanor was different she was more girly , although she was wearing her collar and chain.
As I started dinner because I did 90% of the cooking she started talking about how her feelings had changed, how she had been talking to other girls about their daddy’s.
I was not sure where all of this was going, but after dinner I helped her with her homework, and once we were ready for bed. She went to the bathroom and came back in and she kneeled and ask for permission to enter the bed, she handed me a bottle , a baby bottle, and she asked me if I would feed her, I was stumped at first but I said sure.
This was the transition from Dominant and submissive to Daddy and baby girl.
If it had been anyone else I do not believe I would of went through such a transition.

To date she had only been punished twice, she walked a straight line, and was very proper inside and out. Friends who would come over always made a comment about how good of a host she was.

Something happened though, and I started to let my feelings get in the way. I no longer wanted to tell her what to do, or what to wear, or what to take out for dinner. I stopped enforcing rules, I let protocols slide.

Once I realized what had happened , I tried to regain control but it was way to late, we even had long conversations about what was going on, because we could feel both of us falling apart.
Once you lose control, there is no way to get it back. Because a different side of you has been seen, that is something a submissive or slave, and baby girl will not forget.

Then I got sick , I got bad sick , one morning I got up and I was in the bathroom choking and I coughed uo this black stuff which was dead blood. so I grabbed my blackberry and I dialed 911. That was the last thing I remember. Seven days later I woke and I was in ICU I had 6 bleeding ulcers, and by this time 3 blood transfusions.

Bea would come and visit me everyday , except for the last week I was in. I spent 31 days in the hospital. On the day I was released I called and all I got was voice mail.
I actually called an escort service because I had to have someone sign me out. I did not have my cell phone so I had no one to call. This hooker looking bitch came up and asked for me, and off I went.
A cab waiting down stairs, I paid the girl a 100 bucks and I fell in the front seat.
Once home the cab driver whom I knew had to help me up the stairs, because I was to weak to walk.
He unlocked the door and when it opened everything was gone. no couch, no TV, no dishes, no bed nothing.

I was not mad or upset, because I knew why she left the way she did, but she took the fucking bed.

It was some 6 months before I was back to normal. My landlord and his wife would bring food over daily.
They furnished the apartment for me. It was some three weeks before I was able to go back to work, and then I was only able to work 4 or 5 hrs a day.

My website had been shut down, well my merchant shut it down , during the month of December I had over 10.000 dollars in charge backs. Shrugs

Today life is good I am in a good place. We all learn from our mistakes. The only bad mistake is the mistake you repeat.

protocols

slaveleash1

Vile

I Hate Fake People Mentors That Is

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, anxiety, bdsm, Depressed, Depression, Dominant, Dominants, Fake Dominants, MAST, Master And Slave, Masters And Slaves Together, Mentor, slave, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used on May 26, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Ive been mentoring a submissive for almost a year now. It has not been easy being she is some 6.000 miles away, but in the last year she has improved 100% and continues to get better everyday. She had been out out work due to depression and anxiety, but is now able to possibly step back into the work force again.

So finding a mentor close to her, now Ive blogged about this a little but I did not go into much detail. So where this submissive lives there is a huge community, Dominants growing like wold flowers. So you would think someone would be willing to step up to the plate. Not.

So this submissive has had me contact a couple of Dominants she thought would be a good mentor, yea she thought and there was one who I was really disappointed in a leader in the community. A leader of a local MasT group. Masters And Slaves Together.

Now to become a leader of a MasT chapter it is a very long process, I know, because I have been strumming the idea for a while now, starting a local chapter that is. I have been in contact with the regional office for sometime now. MasT is world wide, with members numbering in the thousands.

So I was in contact with such a leader a pillar of the community, someone who is respected because of his knowledge, his wisdom, well fuck who would make a better mentor. So after my first contact and I explained what this submissive needed , he agreed to help. Then I dropped the bomb. The submissive was not interested in sex, well at this point in her life. I explained that sex caused anxiety , it made her nervous, I am going to guess because of past relationships, I would not know because we have not talked about SEX.

So she contacts him, and fuck me the first thing he wants to know was her sexual fantasies she had as a child. Get the fuck out, really? Then he proceeded to tell her I had to be out of the picture because no mentor would want to take her on because of me, again really?

So I contacted another, and again I made it clear there was to be no sex, just a mentor, a friend someone she could talk to, someone who could guide her in the right direction, but you take the pussy out of the picture and helping a submissive is no longer worth it. No pussy no mentor.

A man who thinks like this is no leader because he is weak. Someone who is weak minded cannot lead, someone who thinks like this is a predator and nothing more. Using his position in the community to get laid.

Wanting me out of the picture, and I will tell you why. Once this submissive explained the amount of respect she had for me, I was a threat. I was a threat because she was still going to continue to listen to me. It goes as far as the other dominant would have to speak to me before punishing her. This was not my choice, it was not something I said, it was something she felt needed to be in pace, because I had earned her trust.

If either Dominant had stepped up to the plate and they were who they claimed to be, you never know what might of happened. If you don’t give up the pussy I am not going to help you. If you don’t suck my cock I am not going to be there for you.

This is a news flash gentleman. Pussy is not in shortage, there is plenty to go around, and there will always be plenty to go around. It is those who are fakes who believe their is a shortage.

Ahh she suffers from depression, she suffers from anxiety, I do not want to get involved with that mess. Well the truth is it really is not a mess, if you are who you say you are. It gets to a point to where you don’t even really notice it , because you take the time to get to know the person, face to face not while she is on her back.

I said yesterday BDSM is not about sex, and I find it really hard that someone who has been in the lifestyle for 20 years or more still looks at it a weakness.

I get gratification from helping others, I get a good feeling when I help others, even more so when I see someone move on and they have been able to improve their life. I have taken submissives in before and helped them get back on their feet, and I never once asked for anything in return. I never thought about fucking any of them. That was not the connection I wanted and it surely was not going to help.

There should be an Oath we as Dominants should have to take. There should be standards we as Dominants should have to uphold , if your going to boast about who and what you are in public you should be held accountable for your actions. I am guessing these guys carry self proclaimed titles. They have appointed themselves leaders.

Sure I will help you, but first you got to suck my cock then we will talk about your needs, and what your trying to achieve. Wow that just kills me, 20 plus years in the lifestyle and most still think like a twenty year old.

These are the dudes who are single by the way. These are the dues who are married and their wife wont suck cock but you will. These are the dues with all the drama in their life, all the problems, the dudes who have a secret life, your hidden away, your kept in a closet until your needed.

So when the next Dominant tells you hes been in the lifestyle for twenty years and he is demanding you call him Sir, or tells you that your training starts by sucking his cock, you tell him to go fuck himself with a chainsaw , train his self. Or go back home to his wife and make her suck his cock.

Don’t be played by a dumb ass, because you are being laughed at, I know I use to laugh a lot..

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Vile

Being A Mentor

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, bdsm, bestiality, communication, Dating, Dominant, Dominants, Married Dominant, Master, Masters, Mentor, slave, submissive on April 20, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I enjoy helping others, it gives me a great feeling to watch someone grow. I love watching subs and slaves get back on track, being able to watch them get their life back on track. What makes things easier is when I give advice and they follow it, this is when you can tell if they are serious or not.

I have been mentoring someone for the last six months or so, keeping in touch on a regular basis. Talking about anything and everything with the exception of sex. I really see no need in it, because I am not trying to mentor their sex life.

Even with my busy schedule I make time to answer emails, poke fun on Facebook and just talking about things in general. To be a mentor you have to be friends as well, you have to be able to joke around and have fun.

To bad we live so far apart, with just communicating via email makes things kinda hard but it gets done. Again knowing they are following your advice truly means a lot.

Then there comes a time when it is time to let someone local slowly take over, but weeding through different Doms is not an easy task. She had found a Dom she had really taken a liking to. A Dom who had been in the lifestyle for many years, a Dom who was a leader in the community. A Dom who was very respected.

Then came the day I emailed him. I sent a very detailed email about the submissive I had been mentoring requesting his help since he was local. Several days had past before he answered and it was a very nice introduction. Thanking me for the great job I had been doing, and assured me he would drop me a line if he needed to know more and keep me posted of the progress. Wow okay this Dom seems genuine and sincere.

I emailed the Submissive telling her he was willing to step in and help, he would guide her , give her advice and keep me in the loop. She was truly excited.

Shortly after I received an email asking if it was okay for her to give him her phone number , I replied sure go ahead, talk, get to know each other.

A couple of days go by and she sends me an email, telling me what they have covered, and she was somewhat upset, things had not gone as planned.

The first thing he wanted to know about her was what her childhood fantasies were, what she liked about sex, and then it got even deeper he was asking about bestiality. He then began to explain that while he was willing to mentor her and maybe more, no Dominant would even consider her as long as I was in the picture. She was advised to get rid of me.

I blogged about this before but not in this much detail, it is just something that has been eating at me for sometime, and I do find it somewhat disturbing that a Dom well in his 50’s would still be thinking like this.

Then came the email about everything that was wrong with her, how she would be to much work, but at no time did he say anything about me not being in the picture.

Now we have gone a little over six months and the subject of sex has never come up, and after they spent five minutes on the phone, he was probably laying in bed jacking off.

This is what I have been explaining for a year and a half. If you are meeting a Dominant and he is truly interested in you as a person, a submissive or slave the topic of sex should be avoided until you both decide to enter a relationship. Until such time you should concentrate on becoming friends. One step at a time, each step you take brings you closer to the relationship you want, need and deserve.

I think everyone should have a mentor including Dominants especially those under the age of 25 or so. Those who are submissive and slaves new to the lifestyle should also have a mentor. If you are single sub or slave you should have a mentor, someone you can turn to, and depend on.

We who live the lifestyle should be one long connecting chain, like people holding hands. We should all be working together, giving advice and helping out when needed, but we should also be careful not to judge other. Remember we all have different kinks, we all have different needs.

Every submissive or slave is different, everyone needs a different lifestyle, some just in the bedroom, someone outside the bedroom, and some want to give up total control. The important thing is to be there in a time of need.

Viles Quote of the day.

A Married Dominant who cheats on his wife is like a screen door on a submarine, he’s worthless.

Much Love and Happy Easter

Vile

I Am Really Disappointed

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Advice, anxiety, bdsm, control, Depression, fuck buddy, Mentor, Praise, slave, submissive, sucking cock on March 22, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have been Mentoring a Submissive for about 6 months now, although we live in different countries I try to stay in contact on a daily basis.

She has needed someone to help guide her in the right direction, making sure she takes her Medication daily and just trying to get her life on the right path. The good thing is she is improving almost daily with a few slips here and there but just like training it is a habit, and you have to make good habits.

So the submissive emails me and ask about a local mentor, someone there she could talk to, someone who would help teach her, and she sent me the name of a Dominant who lives local, and she asked me to kinda feel him out.

I contacted him explaining what needed to be done, I also informed him that the task would not be easy. I also explained to him that for now there should be no sex and no talk about sex, until she is fully back on her meds. I also explained she suffered from depression and anxiety so he had to be careful.

So the conversation him and I had was much different than the conversation they had. I even forwarded the email him and I had to the submissive to show her exactly what had been said.

So the time came and he called her and talked for a while. Now to give you a little back ground. This is a Dominant who has been in the lifestyle for over twenty years, and is the leader of a local group called MasT. Masters And Slaves Together. The group is world wide. He is also suppose to be highly respected there in the local community.

She also made it clear in order for them to move forward he had to read my blog. She explained to me that because of me she has set her standards very high when it comes to meeting a new Dom. Wow okay I did not know I had that much of an impact.

So after the phone call I get an email from the submissive, telling me about their conversation. The main topic was about sex. He felt in order to get to know her she had to share all of her sexual fantasies starting at a young age. He needed to know what she liked and did not like when it came to sex.

The I get an email from him. which was totally different. The thing that stuck in my mind was, A Dominant would have to invest a lot of time and would not get anything in return. Now the getting in return thing, are you talking about getting your cock sucked, getting pussy. What is it one may want to get in return.

Now in the six months I have been mentoring this submissive, sex has not come up . I have not brought sex up, she does from time to time, but it is just questions.

I truly enjoy helping those who are submissive, more so those who are a slave. What is it I get out of it. I actually get a lot. I get to watch someone grow, I get to see the self improvement. I get to see the want to move forward. I get to see one getting their life back together. Last I get to see them pack up and move on. All of that is a huge reward. Knowing that I have made a difference in someones life.

This Dom also made it clear to her that as long as I was in the picture no other Dom including himself would have nothing to do with her. This is mainly because he saw the amount of control I had over her, so if I was out of the picture, she would be fair game.

A mentor is someone who is willing to step in and help guide, to help get someone back on track, to help keep someone on the right path.

A Mentor is not a fuck buddy. That is just taking advantage of someone in a time of need. This is my definition of a Mentor.

Mentor- A tutor, a coach, a guide, a trusted counselor.

When a mentor steps in and they are filling the role of a Dominant, often the Dominant who is doing the mentoring will find that the submissive or slave is in a very vulnerable state of mind, and it would really be easy to take advantage of someone. One develops feelings and the other is just getting their rocks off, and in the end the submissive ends up getting hurt.

Here is the email I sent to this Dom.

I am contacting you on name taking out behalf.
I have known her for several months now, and have been trying to help out as much as possible. Offering advice, making sure she stays in line.

I was wondering if you might know of anyone local, who may be able to step in a kinda guide her.
She does have some issues, she suffers from depression, and is on medication for it.
She is just looking for a mentor to help guide her. I am not sure if she is really ready for anything sexual. We have not really spoken about sex.
If you could or know of someone who might be willing to look out for her that would be awesome.
Thank you
Vile

This was his reply

Hi Vile,

an update as discussed:

I had the phone conversation with name the other day for over an hour and did a lot of digging, and some pushing, to see who and what she was. I needed to understand what makes her tick. I have had some general interactions as well and have noted more things.

I think I should let you know a little about me so you can put what I say into perceptive. i have been active in the lifestyle for over 25 years, and was active even before the Internet. Inj that time I have trained guided protected and mentored many subs/slave & Doms as well. I do a lot of instruction around the mental side of dominance and control and am held in high regard in the Sydney scene. I actually am a committee member of the local MAsT chapter  and an the leader and coordinator for a Male Dominants group called the

I say this because I want to give a little credence to what I want to say as sadly it is not really that positive. I delved into her psychological make up, her dreams and desires, her sexual maturity and her basic sexual drivers. I also tested her core submission and pushed her for reaction.

The result of all this:
She is extremely immature when it comes to relationships and only lost her virginity just before she was 30. As a result she will attach herself quickly to those who show her any affection, especially when that affection is matched with dominance and power. As can be seen by her lifestyle relationships. This means that if she just stepped out she would attract the predator type Dom.

Her depression is long term and extremely well established. This will cause major issues in the lifestyle as it will spark major fear and anxiety from simple play. The long term depression means that her thinking and perspective are skewed to that way of thinking and would read situations in a bad way (happy to send links that cover this). There is one proven cure and that is sustained regular exercise. She needs to find the way to actually do that.

Yes she is submissive, my pick quite extreme as well, but there are huge underlying trust issues. I dont know where they came from but my pick is way before she started her time in the lifestyle. This means that she would require a lot of investment from a mentor before she would actually start to blossom. Sadly the payoff versus the investment means that in her current state most Doms I know would not be willing to invest the time to mentor her as they would get nothing back…. just lots of hard work.

On the up side she has very strong fantasies and she lifted markedly when they were just accepted and not judged, so much so she keep expanding on them. I beleive this shows that she has repressed these since she had them in her early teens but could be a way to help motivate her to start taking action, and could be the shortest path to releasing her true submission.

If that is done in a controlled manner then there is a good chance she could make the improvements in her self and her ability to trust which would show possible Doms her true potential.

I am happy to keep talking with her, but not willing to step into full blown mentor and nor would any Doms I know be willing to either. Her trust issues, and the other things I mentioned above , make her a liability not anything of value. She needs to make herself of some value. I suggest she keeps going to muches, she attends workshops, expands her social connections, and start exrcising in earnest. Her current approach, (she sent me an email stating I would have to earn the right to mentor her and that I would have to do so under your guidance – which is not the way any Dom i know mind works) is not going to achieve anything for her. Hence my suggestion.

I have not feed any of this back to name and will only do so under your instruction. I am happy to say something sofetr to her for example I dont have the time if you want. But I dont think that would help her.

Let me know what you think.

Regards

Now I have known her for over six months and we have had some in depth conversations, and although I came to the conclusion that she needed to take her meds daily, and she had to get out and walk daily. I recommended her going to local meetings, I encouraged her to make friends, more submissive and slave friends. I also make it a point to give praise, Praise goes a long way.

So lets get Vile out of the way. If Vile is no longer in the picture, I get what I want. If Vile is not around she will have to listen to me.

I also recommend if a submissive or slave needs a mentor then they should find another Submissive or slave as a mentor. There are very few Dominants who would take on such a task knowing they get no sex out of the deal.

So if I do not get any pussy, or your not going to suck my cock why would I want to spend my time with you?

There are many in the lifestyle who are just mentors, and they never step up to the plate when it comes to a relationship. Being a Mentor gives you the power but no real responsibility. So while your on your knees sucking cock he can tell you what you have done wrong that day.

This is the fucking ball kicker, another Dominant contacted the submissive I am mentoring and told her they had footage of her and everything was sent to me. I am not sure what he is talking about, I have only had brief conversations with him. I am not even sure why someone would want to fuck with someones mind in such a manner.

This happens all to often, this is what I try and warn all of you about. Because being new to the lifestyle you really do not have a clue, and you have to take someones word.

When I read the reply I was truly at a loss of words and even more so when I read her reply because it was something totally different. Now who am I going to believe. Certainly not the Dominant , I do not know him, how ever I do know the submissive.

Vile

Are You Fucking Your Mentor

Posted in bdsm, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Dating Sites, Consensual, consequences, control, Depressed, Depression, emotional, Emotions, Health, Mentor, Safe, Safe and Sane, Security, slave, submissive on January 2, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Being new to the lifestyle is not easy. Being a young submissive or slave can be very difficult to say the least. It sounds like the guy knows what he is talking about, he gives out rules and tells me what to do, so he must be real.

Well you get burned a couple of time, maybe 3 or 4 times before you catch on to the game. If your playing foot ball and your team has rules while the other does not, you cannot possibly win, you will lose every time. The same goes when you are trying to sort through all the Doms out there. You are probably out numbered when it comes to being a submissive maybe 8 to 1 or even higher.

So you meet a dominant and he comes up with an idea, let me be your mentor, or your protector, and I will teach you everything you need to know to be safe. This sounds pretty harmless , what could it hurt?

Being depressed , lets say you have been looking for a relationship for sometime, things have not been going as planned. You fall into a state of deep depression, or maybe you already suffer from some form of depression. This makes you very vulnerable, it puts you in a different state of mind. This is when you need to have your guard up.

Someone to watch out for me, some one to take care of me, some one to guide me, while he teaches me about the lifestyle.  It does seem pretty harmless, and this Dom is going to take time out of his life to help me.

While there are some Dominant who are truly genuine , there are some who prey on those who are new to the lifestyle. This Dom is on the hunt but he has taking a much easier avenue. He does not have to really look you come to him. He sets the bait and you bite.

I have a follower on here her name is Miss Lizzy, and awesome woman, nice personality, but she like many has been burnt many times. She is on fetlife and I offered to put her under protection so to speak, I am not sure how much weight it really carries, but it does make her feel better knowing someone is watching out for her.

While explaining what to look for in a Dominant, who to make friends with which she has followed through with, what groups to join which she has followed through with and so far everything is going very well. I can tell you the subject of sex has not come up, and it will not. I do not get my rocks off sitting at a computer

She went to visit her parents this Christmas so we had little contact, but when home I check in with her daily, to insure she is following through with certain task. She will email me when a Dominant is showing some interest. When she tells him he needs to contact me, they never do, but the right one will come along and he will. You can pretty much guess why the others have not wanted to talk to me.

Your Mentor you share your most private life, you will tell your mentor things you have not shared with anyone before. You feel safe and secure. This may or may not be the case.

Now this may not always be the case, there are many good Dominants out there who are most sincere , and truly want to help, then there are those who only wish to take advantage of someone who is in a very vulnerable state of mind..

Some of these relationships can bloom, and turn into long term relationship, but that is not the case most of the time.

Being a mentor or having someone under protection long distance is not an easy task. All you can do is give advice, and hope they will follow at least some. The idea is to try and guide them in the right direction.

I have always found that if a submissive needs a mentor then the submissive should seek out another, so they may confide in. So you may get the thoughts of someone who is in your shoes. You may find it much easier to communicate on deeper levels.

With a male mentor be careful with what you share. If you start to say something and your not sure if you should then stop. It would be the same with meeting a new Dominant be careful with what you share. If you continue to see someone after the first meeting then each time you meet share a little more, but just don’t sit down and open your luggage and pour it all out on the table, exposing your entire life.

Think before you speak.

Vile